Wedding RSVPs

We brought dinner over to Chris’s friend’s house last night. This friend and her husband recently had a baby in July, and despite that, they are planning to come to our California wedding — with the baby, a car seat, and a whole lot of diapers in tow. It’s a heart warming thing to think that despite all the people who have declined that these new parents will be coming, even when it is harder to travel with an unpredictable infant with unpredictable needs. I was so happy when I saw our wedding invitation posted up on their fridge with magnets. Our wedding invitation is being loved!

Since we have made our wedding date and location official, we’ve heard all kinds of reasons for declining, everything from cost (understandable), limited leave time (unfortunately, understandably), having conflicting international non-profit work travel at the time of the wedding (that sucks but at least someone is doing something to help others with his life), being due for a baby the week after our wedding (very unfortunately understandable), having three kids under the age of five and being too difficult to travel (well, I just feel sorry for them and having three kids to deal with and no life outside of being a parent, which is one of my many life nightmares), and scheduling an extended holiday right before our wedding (not so understandable, but I’ll get over it). At the end of the day, our wedding will be what it is with the people who will show up. The ones who don’t show up, it will be their loss. The best thing to know is that of the people who do show up, they are proving that they care enough and are willing to make the effort. The others won’t matter as much. On the morning of my wedding, I won’t be lamenting that these people didn’t show up; in fact, I won’t even think about them at all and could care less.The only person in the world I will be really sad about not being there is my Ed. And in his case, he really had no way of making it.

The mango man

I was so overwhelmed with how fragrant and cheap the mangoes were at the Sydney Fish Market yesterday that I decided to buy three fat ripe ones from one of the market stands. Little did I know that we’re technically not allowed to bring fresh produce over state lines, so if we were to strictly follow Australian laws, I was not supposed to go from New South Wales back down to Victoria with my mangoes in hand. Chris informed me of this when I met him at the end of his work day, and I was devastated. I told him we needed to eat one of them and just risk getting the remaining two confiscated through airport security later that evening.

We went back to our hotel, where I went up to the hotel bar and asked them if they had plastic cutlery to give us. The bartender politely gave us some after some wait time. I returned back to Chris where he was sitting in the lobby, and he asked where the plates were. Silly me, I had forgotten we needed plates! So I went back to the bartender with my mango in one hand and the cutlery in another, and I asked him if we could borrow some plates. He looked at me from one hand to the next and asked me how I was planning to cut that mango. “With the plastic knife you gave me?” I said, smiling back at him. He smiled and laughed, shaking his head. “No, no no,” he replied. “I will cut the mango for you.” Someone who looked like the manager said they could not give me a real knife to cut, but they’d happily cut it up for us. I got so excited at this; this man was going to cut a mango I brought in from the outside just like that, no charge, no nothing! Most places would never do this for you. He cut it neatly, cubed the mangoes and peeled the skin back so professionally (“Of course he knows how to cut a mango; he’s Indian!” Chris exclaimed). He presented it to me and told me to enjoy, and I thanked him and brought them back to Chris.

As an American, I felt a strong need to tip him or give him some sort of compensation. He just did this service for me and expected absolutely nothing, but I felt compelled to do something, anything for him to show my gratitude. I know he would not accept a tip given local customs, so I thought about what else I could do.,. I could give him one of the two remaining mangoes! I took one of them after we finished eating and presented it to him. He laughed again. “Do you want me to cut another one for you?” He asked. No, no! I said to him. “This is for you to take home. Thank you for being so kind as to cut my mango for me.” Of course, he said it was unnecessary, that he was happy to cut it for me and could not accept my gift. “I have many mangoes at home,” he said. I insisted again and said he must take it, so he did. He thanked me profusely and I said goodbye to him.

I will always remember this man as the bartender who cut my mango and expected nothing from me. This completely made my day.

Sydney Fish Market

I walked about half an hour from the Circular Quay area this early afternoon to the Sydney Fish Market, the second largest fish market in the world in terms of diversity of seafood (after, of course, Tsukiji Market in Tokyo). I was so excited; we ran out of time three years ago to come this market, and so this time, I came ready with a big appetite and my DSLR in hand. What I had not mentally prepared myself for were the hoards and hoards of mainland Chinese tourists running around with zero order or awareness that other people were shopping and eating at the market other than themselves and their own traveling groups. I saw tourists yelling at each other to order food in Mandarin, Cantonese, and Teochiew, literally running with large trays of massive stir-fried king crab and rock lobsters, trying to frantically get tables to sit at. I watched as others squabbled with each other in a variety of dialects for cutting each other in the “queues” (they were not true queues, just crowds of people trying to push and shove their way to the cashier to order and pay). I almost witnessed two different men crash into each other with their large trays of crustaceans — that would have been one extremely expensive and smelly mess. I was so overwhelmed with the crowds, the rudeness, and the variety of seafood and things to order that it took me over 45 minutes to decide what I wanted to eat and sit down.

I enviously stared at groups of five to six tourists, all gathering around a massive tray of rock lobster over noodles, animalisticly digging their fingers into the shells of the crustaceans, slobbering away at their prized seafood and licking their fingers clean of the delicious juices and cooking sauces. Here, you can hand pick your fish or crustacean of choice out of a tank and have them stir fry, fry, boil, steam, or saute in about eight different methods, all Asian style or “fish and chip” style. Little petite me could never eat a three-kilo lobster over noodles by herself (and I also wouldn’t have paid what was probably over $450 AUD for that lobster or crab, either. The prices here were NOT cheap). In the end, I settled on half a fried lobster tail, one Singapore chili-stir fried prawn that was the size of my hand, and a delicious “wok hei” fragrant plate of stir fried seafood mein with fatty, crispy skinned salmon, prawns, calamari, chicken and egg. Those salmon bites were some of the fattiest, richest pieces I’ve had in my life. And the bits of seared skin were crackling in my mouth. That meal was worth every dollar I paid. The lobster tail was slightly overcooked, but the flavor was buttery and very sweet. And the chili prawn was perfectly cooked with a sauce that left me wanting more. That was probably the biggest prawn I’d ever eaten in my life.

And as there were just a few bites left of my beloved noodle dish, to disrupt my intensity with my food, a group of five Cantonese tourists barged over to my table and spoke in loud Cantonese, saying “This girl’s almost done. Let’s get her table.” I looked at them and glared and pushed their stuff away from my bag as they encroached on my space. I made sure to stay there and whipped out my phone as they tried to move me out of my seat. This was my space as long as I was here, and there was no way in hell I’d let some ill-mannered, loud-mouthed tourists from Guangzhou, my fatherland, take my space here.

As I was selecting my food earlier, a Chinese tourist made eye contact with me and noticed we were both using the same model of Canon DSLR. He asked me in Mandarin if I was from China, and I responded back in the same language that I was from the U.S. He let out a big relieved breath and laughed. He revealed that he was here on holiday from Guangzhou, but he came here to Australia thinking he would have escaped Chinese people. Yet ever since he’s arrived, all he is surrounded by are more Chinese people from the mainland!

I’m fine with them being here — I am of Asian decent, after all — but I just wish they had better manners and self-awareness, and left me to my seafood eating alone. And I thought this after I passed a table with a foot-high pile of prawn shells and lobster shells. These weren’t even on plates — just on the table itself. As they would say in Chinese, “yi dian limao dou mei you.”

Asianized Sydney

Chris has to be in Sydney for work the next two days, so I decided to go with him and explore the city on my own. The last time I came, it was almost three years ago when we came at the end of 2012 to see New Year’s fireworks at the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

The city seems even more Asian than it was when I was last here. Chinatown looks as though it’s expanded quite a bit, and there is an even wider variety of Indian, Chinese, Japanese, and Thai shops, ranging from simple grocery stores to clothing boutiques to even milk bread shops. There are stores along George Street that advertise selling just beauty and home items exclusively from Japan and Korea. And when I stepped into the Din Tai Fung off of George Street just past lunch time, there was a decent number of non-Asians dining there. Sure, the table of white people next to me made sure to order fried rice and generic noodles, but hey, they made sure to order the xiao long bao and other dumplings that Din Tai Fung is famous for. The “Asianizing” of Sydney seems to be rampant.

Aunt and uncle catch ups

Today, we went to visit Chris’s paternal grandmother for about two hours, then spent about five hours at his aunt and uncle’s home nearby. The funny thing is that we spent five hours at his aunt and uncle’s home, yet we didn’t even realize that time had passed that quickly because there was so much to talk about between running around with their grandchildren, who they were babysitting for the weekend.

I thought about my lunch with my aunt last Tuesday before we left for Australia, and I realize how much of a far cry these conversations today were versus the very shallow conversation with my own aunt. My aunt is a well-meaning, happy, good person, but she just doesn’t have it in her to have a conversation with me past very surface level topics. She will ask me, “how is work?” But if I were to say anything more than “good” or “okay” or “terrible,” she wouldn’t know how to react or respond. She will ask me if I am planning to have children shortly after the wedding, and I will respond yes, no, or maybe, and that would be the end of that topic. There’s no deeper digging, no topic that develops past the first question and answer, and some answers are too complex or painful or long for her to fully be interested or engaged in. Tonight, we discussed our wedding preparations, everything from how we chose a photographer to the questions that he would ask us leading up to the wedding to prepare for the wedding day. I could never have that conversation with my aunt… or any of my aunts or uncles who are on my side at all.

As Tolstoy once wrote famously in his epic novel Anna Karenina, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” All families have problems. All relationships have problems. But not all families and relationships see the same issues as “problems.” I’m positive my aunt doesn’t see our shallow conversations as a problem, but I do. I feel like she will never really know me. Even my dad asks me deeper questions than my aunt.

But this is my family. They are who they are, and our relationships aren’t going to change. So, as per usual, I have to keep reminding myself that I need to accept these situations as they are — not capable of change. And that’s okay because I can find deeper conversation with Chris’s family members and a select few of my own friends.

Vietnamese food in Melbourne

I never realized how large the Vietnamese population in Melbourne was until my second visit here in 2013, when Chris took me to two different Vietnamese neighborhoods, Springvale and Richmond. It shouldn’t surprise me given Australia’s proximity to Vietnam, but it was more just intriguing to me to think of Vietnamese people speaking English with Aussie accents and living in the land Down Under. This morning, I had a craving for pho, so I asked Chris to take me to have some. We decided to go to Springvale, where we passed by a handful of Vietnamese butcher shops one store at a time. I’ve never seen a Vietnamese-specific butcher shop, nor have I ever seen Vietnamese-only barbecue restaurants and takeout counters for classic dishes like heo quay (Vietnamese roast pork belly). Here, there are pho shops that open at 8am, which I also hadn’t seen before outside of Vietnam. Traditionally in Vietnam, pho is a breakfast dish, and here, people actually do have it for breakfast… and queue up for it!

The original place we wanted to go to have pho had too long of a wait (I have never seen a queue for pho, nor have I ever had to wait for it anywhere), so we settled on a place a block away, which ended up still being quite satisfying with a side of jack fruit shake. These shops serve pho and only pho, and they are bustling. I wish New York had Vietnamese food like this and quality that was as easy to find as this.

Maille mustard in Melbourne

After arriving in Melbourne and having lunch with Chris’s family, Chris and I took a long drive to nowhere and found ourselves at the Woolworth’s supermarket near his parents’ house. I always like to visit grocery stores and supermarkets when we are traveling, even if I have been in the same exact ones in Melbourne multiple times. It just makes me happy to see the variety of food, how it differs in terms of food type, place of origin, and types of readily available ingredients. This time, after a trip to France, I am more cognizant of the French brand mustard Maille, which recently opened a glamorous, high-end store on the Upper West Side in Manhattan (and where I got ripped off into buying a small $9 jar of their basil flavored whole grain mustard). So I was shocked when I saw a shelf of just Maille brand mustard imported from France, and everything was $4 AUD or under! That’s less than $3 USD! I immediately bought one large jar of whole grain Maille mustard and rejoiced in my purchase.

Given how strong the U.S. dollar is in Australia now and how stronger it’s gotten every subsequent visit here, I have a feeling I may be making more food and maybe clothing purchases while I am in town. 🙂

In flight cereal milk

I just had the most luxurious flying experience from LAX to Melbourne: fourteen and a half hours in the air on a points-upgraded flight to business class, complete with pajamas, turn-down service for my seat that changed into a bed, and endless food and drink served on real ceramic and glassware. I spent ten of those hours sleeping without even realizing it since I was feeling under the weather, but when I woke up, all I could do was think about the cereal milk custard dessert I had before going to sleep and how funny it is now that “cereal milk” flavored anything is so popular now thanks to David Chang and his Momofuku empire.

When Ed and I were kids, we ate a lot of cold cereal, both sugary and plain, and we always drank our milk in the end. No food could go to waste in our house, and in fact, the mere concept of throwing out the sugary flavored milk in the end had never even occurred to me until I saw kids at school on the free lunch program eating their cereal and then dumping their leftover sugary milk into a massive bin. At that point in life, that was one of the most disgusting sights I had ever seen.

To think that today, people are profiting off of “cereal milk” being sold at Momofuku Milk Bar is so mind-boggling and makes me feel sad and a little angry for all those kids who threw out all that good milk in elementary school — first world problems to have access to nutritious cow’s milk but to throw it out without realizing how fortunate they are. And it’s so odd to think that now, the same cereal milk is being sold for five bucks for a small amount, AND the term itself is even trademarked by Momofuku Milk Bar!

“You were in SWITZERLAND?”

I caught up with my colleagues today in the morning, and they were all surprised that I was in Switzerland last week. I didn’t tell any of them that I was going to be in Switzerland the week of Thanksgiving; I just told them that I’d be working remotely.

“When you Slacked me and told me that you were in Geneva, I thought, ‘she’s in Switzerland?!’ But then for a second, I kept wondering if there was some city domestically that was also Geneva that I just wasn’t sure about,” my colleague said while laughing. I guess she was probably thinking of those odd cities like Melbourne in Florida or Paris in Texas. Another colleague, who spent last week in Rio and who I gave extensive Rio tips to, said she was shocked I didn’t tell her I was taking an international trip. “Why didn’t you say anything about that?” she exclaimed to me.

I guess outside of one or two trips each year, I’ve gotten to a point where I’ve stopped sharing where I am going unless colleagues explicitly ask me. It’s not that I don’t want to share or talk about it; I love talking about travel and things I’ve seen and what I am planning to do. It’s more that I just don’t like to deal with the negative or passive aggressive responses I get, which range anywhere from, “How do you get any work done?” to “How do you have time to take vacations?” to “Wow, your fiance must do really well for himself! (which is a very passive aggressive way of implying that there is absolutely no way I’d be able to afford this travel all by myself on my own salary, which frankly, is wrong).”

Part of life, as I am slowly and painfully learning, is that I cannot share everything I want to share with others and expect them to be happy for me or care or be anywhere as enthusiastic as I am about whatever it is. A lot of resentment, anger, and jealousy is everywhere, and part of my goal is to limit my exposure to that as much as possible, especially with people who I don’t care about at all.

Elitism

We got to the Zurich airport this morning, and I was anticipating a nice, relaxing morning at the airport lounge complete with a warm breakfast and some nice Swiss milk before boarding our flight. Little did I know that not only was it not even an American Airlines specific lounge, it was some sub par third-party lounge that had no hot food at all until 11:30 (way past our time in the lounge), gave complimentary Wi-Fi for only up to one hour (then, you’d be kicked off the network and forced to pay), and barely had edible bread to eat. The only things I really enjoyed were the Swiss pineapple yogurt and the Swiss milk. Everything else was depressing.

When I was feeling my disappointment, I realized that my disappointment in this lounge experience was also the equivalent of my level of elitism now being a frequent flier. When I fly internationally, I now have the expectation that the lounges in other countries will be better because the U.S. lounges, at least for domestic carriers, are always an embarrassment, while the ones operated by international airlines and in other countries are always like walking into a luxurious suite. I guess this just goes to show that we adapt to our environment. I no longer go into lounges wide-eyed and thinking it’s amazing just because it’s a lounge that I have access to.