Category Archives: Health

Unexpected customer news today

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Some colleagues and I had a scheduled call this morning with a customer we hadn’t heard from in months. We had tried reaching out countless times to get a meeting on the calendar with them since April, to no avail. Finally, they agreed to this meeting today, so we spent a lot of time thinking about what we’d add to the agenda. Then, when our executive contact came on, she slowly spoke and revealed that they’d unlikely be renewing our contract when we reached the end date in the spring because they had not seen much a return on any of their e-learning providers and needed to rethink their strategy for internal upskilling. And in the same breath, she revealed that she had stage 4 cancer and would not be around for much longer. She would try to make all our scheduled meetings and respond to our messages, but if she did not, she reassured us that she was not ignoring us; she was simply prioritizing her health, or… she just wasn’t around anymore. She also said she’d try to remember putting up an out-of-office auto reply.

I wasn’t even sure what to say. All of us froze on the call, and the customer kept talking business. So that’s the direction the call went. But it just such sad, unexpected news. I didn’t even know she had any health problems. Plus, for her to talk about not renewing the contract and having stage 4 cancer in almost the same sentence was just completely baffling to me. Plus, the fact that she was reassuring us that she wasn’t ignoring us in the midst of everything she’s going through personally… I was just rendered speechless.

Life is short. None of us knows what is going to happen next. Death is just waiting to take all of us away.

CBS New York Live – AFSP NYC Walk

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At 9:55 sharp, I checked into CBS’s studio just 3.5 blocks away. And at 10:25am, we filmed for five minutes – no cuts, all live. And this was how it turned out. It was a good thing the AFSP ED asked me to prepare a “why” statement a few days in advance because that statement ended up being what I mentally referenced when I was on the stage speaking.

After checking in at the front desk of CBS News, an assistant escorted us up an elevator and through a maze of long, seemingly endless wide hallways with exposed wires of endless colors. It really felt like those “behind the scenes” shots where you see performers go down long hallways before getting on stage. After what seemed like ages, we finally got to a “waiting room” where there was a lit up sign that said “ON AIR.” Signs everywhere said to keep our voices down. The producer came out to briefly introduce himself, told us that the hosts would ask us these several questions (never shared with us ahead of time, but hey, this is live TV!), and then asked which of us would answer what question. He said everything was already behind schedule, apologized for his brevity and the fact that everything felt rushed, and then got each of our lapel mics set up on us. He tested the mics and made sure they looked good on us without having wiring exposed oddly (my dress was particularly annoying, for some reason…), and then said he’d be back in about two minutes to get us.

Just minutes later, we were escorted onto the stage, where we met Doug and Jenna, the news hosts. They warmly greeted us, and we ran through how to pronounce our names, confirmed our AFSP titles/positions, who was going to answer which questions, and then clarified which camera (of the FIVE) there were to look at, or who to look at when. Our co-chair Scott answered questions about who and what AFSP is, I answered questions about why I joined AFSP and why I continue to support and fundraise for it, as well as how to get involved. It all went by so fast that before we knew it, Jenna and Scott were already in the out-tro view, where they were discussing how to seek help if you need it. Once the director yelled “CUT!”, they thanked us for coming on and commended us for being so vulnerable in sharing our stories and wanting to help others. For news casters, I really felt both of them seemed genuine, warm, and kind, which wasn’t really how I imagined anyone regularly on TV being with regular everyday people like us.

The entire experience was so frantic, fast-paced, and tight, with pretty much zero notice of anything that was about to happen. I know I would never do well in TV production, much less live TV production. But even though it went by so quickly, it was a pretty fun and interesting experience to see how live news is filmed at a major broadcasting station like CBS. I felt really honored and privileged to have this experience as a Walk committee member, volunteer, and fundraiser; it’s not like I have a real leadership role at the NYC Chapter for AFSP, so I realize it was a rare opportunity for me to represent them and share my personal story; they definitely instilled their trust in me in this way. It felt really good to be open about losing Ed in a very open and public way, and the conversation we had live, though very brief, felt very conversational and natural, the way I’d have it if someone were to ask me about my involvement with AFSP or how Ed passed. Even though he’s no longer physically here, he still lives on through me and all that I do. And I will never stop sharing his story and how much I love and care for him, even long, long after his death. I don’t want Ed to have died in vain. I want his life and story to live on.

“It’s really amazing that you both do this,” Jenna said, as she walked us off the stage. “I hope this doesn’t sound trite, but I think your brother and your friends (Scott’s friends he lost to suicide) are looking down on you and feel so proud of the work you are doing and how you are choosing to honor their lives.”

I do hope that is true. I really hope so.

Older, not necessarily wiser: I gave myself an ice burn

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I had to ice my elbows last night while reading to sooth the irritation in my elbows, particularly on the left side. While reading, I completely forgot the usual icing advice, which is to only ice for about ten minutes at a time. I got carried away and just kept reading. I probably left the ice pack on my left elbow for over 25 minutes before I took it off. The surface of the inside of my elbow felt irritated, but I didn’t think much about it since the area was already feeling uncomfortable. I woke up, exercised, and showered, to then realize that my entire inside elbow area was not only purple, but I had even developed a small puffy blister where the ice pack rested!

AHHHHHHHH. I was so annoyed. This was not from cubital tunnel syndrome. This blister and purple “bruise” is from excessive exposure to my ice pack. I started cursing myself in my head, thinking about how dumb I was to let this happen.

I am turning 40 in just under four months. I am definitely getting older, but sometimes in moments like this, I certainly do not feel wiser.

Cubital tunnel acts up once again

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I’ve had mild carpal tunnel and cubital tunnel syndrome for about five years now. Since September-October 2020, when almost nightly, I would have to ice my elbows, I’ve come a long way. I know all the right therapy, stretching, and strengthening exercises to keep the symptoms under control and prevent future burning and flare ups. I splint my wrists every night before sleep (very sexy), and whenever I feel elbow irritation, I even splint the annoyed elbow. I know the proper ergonomic computer setup for myself and try hard not to text too much (this really aggravates my elbows and sadly, is probably the number 1 reason for my cubital tunnel). But in the last week, first my right elbow has started bothering me. So I splinted it almost every night at bedtime. Then today, my left elbow started acting up. I wonder if it has to do with all my single arm planks I’ve been doing in the last week during my barre exercises. It’s likely this.

So I iced my elbows tonight while I read on my Kindle at a very specific angle so that my elbows wouldn’t be bent too much. Icing my elbows makes me feel like an invalid, but alas, this has to be done. This is part of pain and health management for me, and well, that also means it’s part of aging.

The one time my eyes got assaulted by onions in a restaurant

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I have always had a huge eye sensitivity to cut onions. Ever since I was little, even if I were in the kitchen while my mom cut onions, my eyes would water. The scientific reason that onions make us cry is that when the onion cells are damaged (via cutting/crushing), the onion releases enzymes that convert amino acids into a volatile gas, which then travels to your eyes, activating tear glands and causing them to produce tears as a protective response. Though scientifically, shallots have less of these sulfuric compounds than onions (they are smaller) that trigger tears, shallots are always miserable for me. I can’t even do a single slice of a darn shallot before my eyes are already watering. So whenever I cut onions, I try to make sure I am not wearing much or any eye makeup because it will always get ruined. And then I immediately need to wash all the cutting boards/surface areas that had onion juices to prevent my eyes getting re-triggered.

However, though I’ve eaten in many open kitchen-restaurant setups, I’ve never had this reaction in a restaurant. This has happened for me only in a home setting. So today, while we had an early dinner up in Kingsbridge, The Bronx, at Com Tam Ninh Kieu, an old Vietnamese favorite, out of nowhere, I could feel my tear glands getting triggered, and my eyes started watering like crazy. The kitchen was wide open, so you could see everything happening in it. It was a very familiar and uncomfortable feeling, and as soon as I felt it, I knew immediately that it was because of onions getting cut. Chris’s eyes even started watering. And then, Kaia’s eyes started visibly watering. She had no idea what was going on, but she started rubbing her eyes and then let out a few little whimpers of discomfort. She came over to me to try to cuddle and I wiped her eyes and covered them. I explained to her that all our eyes were watering because of onions! Right now, this meant nothing to her. But in the future when her understanding of the world grew, she’d understand!

I suppose onions are special because they have this effect on us. And unless I wear surgical goggles, I will likely always have this annoying reaction to them. Cutting onions is likely my most dreaded kitchen task. Even with a box mincer/cutter, my eyes still get exposed to the cut cells, so while it quickens my exposure, my eyes will still water! There is no solution!

Mood-lifting fragrances: the magical “green” scent of basil

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Not all scents are created the same, nor are they equal. As long as I can remember, I’ve also been obsessed with all types of lavender fragrances, as I find them relaxing and calming, as well as floral. I love citrus scents in the kitchen since they denote freshness. But when it comes to green scents, like that of herbs, for me basil is most definitely at the top of the list. Nothing is better to me than the “green” scent of basil to get me energized and excited.

For the longest time when I was a kid, whenever I thought of or was exposed to “pasta sauce,” it was always a tomato-based red sauce. It wasn’t until a friend and her mom took me out for a casual Italian meal when I was about 11 that I realized “green sauce” in the form of pesto was a thing. I got a bowl of pesto linguine during that meal, and my life was forever changed. I immediately became a pesto addict. I wanted pesto everything. I found the scent fresh, sweet, peppery, herby, and even a bit minty. The flavor was so, so novel to me. My dad, though, was not a fan, as he thought pesto was too “fatty” given the base was essentially crushed basil and olive oil.

So whenever I see a very fresh, bouncy bunch of basil (that is reasonably priced, as basil can be quite expensive!), I never hesitate to buy it. Sometimes, I just like it with tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, and a drizzle of olive oil and vinegar. Other times, I almost compulsively just want to turn it into pesto. Today, I blended some basil-walnut pesto with a beautiful bunch we got at a Pakistani market near Flatbush on Saturday. These basil leaves were particularly fresh and “bouncy.” And when the food processor finished blending, even the sight of the super bright green hue lifted my spirits. Although I made basil the traditional way with a mortar and pestle once, it really tired out my hands and wrists, so I’m going to have to stick with the modern food processor method.

Either way, my love for pesto lives on. And my mood is always lifted at the sight, smell, and taste of it.

“Focus on what we can control and influence”

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Participating in the workforce and working for someone else is probably one of the most frustrating, infuriating, and annoying roller coasters a person can ever experience. And a lot of the time, I wonder if it’s all even really worth it. My dad always told me that the best thing you can do is to work for yourself because then, you don’t have to answer to anyone else. While it can be liberating to not have to answer to anyone, that also comes with immense pressure and responsibility that not all of us can handle… and not all of us frankly have the skill and ability to do. When he used to say this, especially after I became an adult, graduated from college, and entered the workforce, I always thought, but never said out loud to him, that I actually admired that he was skilled enough to make this leap for himself… because I don’t think I was ever brave (or creative or skilled) enough to do this for myself.

I was supposed to have a relatively relaxing day at the coworking space today. I originally had two meetings on my calendar and blocked off some time to work on some slides. And then suddenly, I got some bad news that came crashing down, and it was all hands on deck trying to figure out how to remedy a customer situation. I could not even believe how frustrated and angry I got, and I was even more pissed that this had to happen on a Friday at midday. A few colleagues and I were ranting about it, and everyone kept on repeating the same thing to try to ground ourselves: “focus on what we can control and influence.”

So much of what happens at work, with colleagues, customers, projects, data — is out of our control. We try to create narratives that this deal or opportunity happened because I did x, y, and z, and that person did a, b, and c. But chance and luck are very much in there as invisible drivers. People don’t like to openly acknowledge that, though, because unfortunately, we cannot replicate or quantify chance or luck. So in times like this, I just want to escape and do things that help me mentally escape. Tonight, I ended up double boiling and heat aerating a pot of chai. I added extra ginger because I figured I could use the extra spice. I find the process of making chai very meditative, and I can attribute that to watching many “chai meditation” Instagram Stories that Sunny from The Chai Box records every single morning. I used to watch her chai double boiling and meditation almost every morning when I was on maternity leave, and I always looked forward to it. And now, I still do it when I want a little mini escape.

Work can really suck. But chai meditation always helps.

Body weight, fat, muscle, and overall health tracking

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Ever since I weaned off breastfeeding over 2.5 years ago now, I still cannot get rid of this excess lower belly fat. It’s annoying, and though no one else really notices it, I always notice and feel it when I put on clothes and when I look at myself in the mirror. I’ve never thought of myself as a vain person, but I really, really dislike this. It doesn’t seem to matter how much I exercise or what ab exercises I do (YES, I am aware spot training doesn’t work), but it won’t go away. I was telling a friend of mine about this who has had two kids, and she feels the same and says she has the same issue. She also said she wonders that given we both exercise a lot and eat decently, that maybe it could just be excess skin?

Haha, there’s zero chance that is the case. If only it was excess skin and not real FAT.

I was chatting with my other friend about this, who has taken pretty much every health test written about that’s not covered by American health insurance, things like the DEXA scan, VO2 Max test, amongst other heart/oxygen/blood sugar related tests. She was urging me to get a DEXA scan to see what my muscle/fat ratio was, as that could help me pinpoint what I needed to change about my diet and/or exercise regimen. Although the DEXA scan does intrigue me, the idea of drastically changing my diet did not sit well with me. I eat mostly whole foods 99 percent of the time. I am intentional about eating lots of fruit, vegetables, and varying up my protein sources; I try to make some type of plant-based protein (beans!) every week. I almost never eat ultra highly processed, packaged foods. I barely even drink alcohol anymore (excess sugar/carbs that I don’t absolutely love). I told all this to my friend. But she chuckled and said, “Yeah, but it’s hard for a foodie to make big changes to their diet. I mean, CARBS. We love our carbs.”

We were just wandering and eating through Arthur Avenue in the Bronx today. I picked up two pounds of fresh pasta noodles, a box of pumpkin-porcini ravioli (frozen for future), a bag of dried Malfalda pasta imported from Italy. I got a pound of fresh buccacini mozzarella from my beloved Casa Del Mozzarella. We also got two loaves of bread from our favorite Italian bakery up there, Madonia Bakery, plus two pounds of Italian sausage from our favorite meat shop, Calabria Pork Store (with its famous sausage chandelier all along its ceiling!). And I thought about all these carbs (evil foods!) I brought back and grumbled; I can’t not have these delicious things in my life! You can’t take them away from me! You cannot!

My friend reminded me that we’re nearing 40… me sooner than her by two years. “Things have to change, even if just a little.”

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) ingredients; appreciation for culture

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I’ve never been a pro medicine person. I avoid pain medications for as long as I can possibly stand, which is a bit odd to say because luckily, I rarely have a need for them unless I’m having a god-awful period, or suddenly a headache is coming on. I would much rather do whatever “natural” remedy out there exists. For period pain, if possible, I would use a heat pack on my abdomen. For headaches at night, I would rather just sleep it off or drink more water. But sometimes, the medication is absolutely vital, like when you get pertussis (good ol’ whooping cough!) or a peri-tonsillar abscess (the miserable joy from last November that I would much rather forget ever happened to me). Then, you have to take the damn pills and give in.

I never thought much about Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) even though I was given endless tonics, herbal teas, and soups lovingly made by my grandma, mom, and aunt growing up. They always said that at a given time of year (depending on the season), your body needs these herbs or these berries or special ingredients. I generally just smiled and nodded, obediently drinking or consuming whatever they gave me and assuming that it really was all good for my health. It’s not that I ever doubted it; it’s more that I wasn’t sure how much “better off” I was now that I had consumed said soup or tonic. I didn’t start actively thinking about TCM until I got pregnant in 2021 and was carrying my Kaia Pookie. Then suddenly, I was reading about all the benefits of all these Eastern ingredients and assuming that of course, they all must be nourishing and making my baby and me stronger! I wanted whatever natural remedies and herbs were out there to help me recovery more quickly and to potentially help give me a good milk supply!

One of my best friends is about to give birth any hour now. And I told her that I would make some of these TCM herbal teas and soups for her after she came home. So now, I’m once again immersed in all the ingredients. I had to restock a bunch of things I ran out of from my postpartum period, and I went to a herbal shop in Chinatown today with English/Chinese/pinyin notes ready in case I couldn’t find what I wanted and needed help. This was my list:

Red dates (hong zao): High in antioxidants; “heaty,” so good for postpartum recovery and “warming the body”

Dang shen root: Good for restoring “qi” or vital energy; helps combat fatigue and exhaustion; nourishes blood, supports digestion by strengthening spleen and stomach; boosts immunity; like “poor man’s ginseng” because it’s milder but still beneficial

Goji berries (gou qi): Combats fatigue, boosts immune system, high antioxidants

Dried wild yam slices (huai shan): Restores energy and vitality; good for kidney health, can increase milk production, cleanses system after giving birth, helps with hormone balance

Dried longan (gui yuan gan or long yan gan): Improves blood circulation, increases energy and vitality; can increase milk production

Astralagus root (huang qi): Immunity boosting, high in antioxidants, good for kidney function and sleep quality

Dried hawthorn berries (shan zha): Rich in antioxidants, boosts digestion, improves skin health

I suppose it’s true that with age, we start believing more of what our elders taught us when we were young. I guess that may be the reason, along with my general anti-medicine approach, that I’ve started reading more about TCM. In the last two years, I’ve gotten more into making nourishing, homey Chinese soups; it’s made me realize that many times, less actually can be more. And I’ve also read more about what traditional Chinese herbs and ingredients I could incorporate into everyday cooking. It’s not only been fascinating and fun to learn about, but the other way I look at this is that I’m delving into yet another aspect of my (Chinese) culture that I hadn’t previously paid much attention to. No, I won’t be using or suggesting any of these herbs to cure anyone’s cancer or HIV, but I do believe that a lot of these herbs can play a role in everyday health maintenance and wellness, so why not incorporate them? Plus, it’s another way to diversify one’s diet and ensure you’re eating more plants, which is a win for anyone!

Showering at night vs. day vs. TWICE a day

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Before I started morning workouts, I always showered at night. This logically makes sense: you go out all day and get dirty from being out and about. And then you clean yourself before getting into bed. That keeps your bed cleaner and means you go to sleep clean. Yes, you sweat at night, but that’s a different type of “dirt.” Showering at night means that you wash away all the external dirt off you.

Then, my showering schedule completely had to change once I started working out in the morning. It’s crazy to think about it now, but I started this in early 2013, so that’s over 12 years of morning workouts for me! There was no way I was going without a shower after sweating buckets during an AM workout. I don’t think my colleagues would have appreciated that, nor would I have wanted to go around cloaked in my own sweat all day at work. So I’d shower after my morning workout and head off to the office. And at night, because I absolutely hate the idea of showering twice in a day (that’s a real first-world luxury I just could not bring myself to do unless it were totally, totally necessary), I would just forgo a shower and sleep… with all of the outside world I was exposed to dirtying my bedsheets. I didn’t love this idea, but again, I wasn’t going to shower twice a day. So if I wore sandals and had my bare feet exposed, I would always wash my feet (I suppose this is a very “Asian” practice) after coming home to prevent outside dirt on my feet from dirtying my floors or bed.

So today, it was extremely hot in New York. I was at the co-working space working today and did both drop-off and pickup for Kaia. As soon as I got back home, I knew I had to have a (second) shower. I was dripping in sweat and sticky all over. I hopped into the shower, quickly washed myself, put on my PJs, and we all had dinner together. I always feel a bit precious and uppity when I do a second shower in a day, but with heat like we’re having in New York this week (it’s going to hit 100 F!), this would be unavoidable unless I want to skip my morning workout (not happening).

I like warm weather. But i am not a fan of sweltering, 90s+ F heat and humidity. This two-showers-a-day-thing hopefully is just temporary.