Nanny quit at 10pm last night

Well, that was fun. Our nanny sent a long, nasty text message, letting me know that telling her that the baby log wasn’t complete was “demeaning” and “you treated me like a child,” and she’s tired and can’t handle adult stress, so her time with us has come to an end. She used to say that she wasn’t used to being in a workplace where she felt so open and free to say what she thinks and feels. She would say that we treated her really well and we were good people, and that she was really happy she took this job. She had never worked with a non-White family before, so in her eyes, she was “taking a chance.” She had shared all the negative stereotypes she once held of Asian people. While all that was not fun to hear and perhaps sharing TOO much information, I thought she was trying to tell me that she realized that they were unfair stereotypes, and that we proved them wrong for her. I suppose she was just being two-faced all along. I guess I should have expected it since she shared so much nasty information about her previous mom bosses, but I thought it may have been different with us. I was wrong.

So, I guess Kaia is starting daycare earlier than we thought. To be honest, this is probably for the best for all parties. I didn’t think our nanny was keeping up with Kaia’s learning and development, especially after we came back from Australia. Plus, it was exhausting to have to manage her inability to accept even the most benign feedback. I was tired of constantly cleaning up after her when I was paying her money to clean up after my baby. I was also exhausted listening to her bring up bad experiences with her last employers. I was like an unpaid therapist for her, listening to her complain about past grievances and how they affected her emotionally. It was like I was being forced to deal with her past traumas, which were all bubbling up in my own home.

I’m sure daycare will present its own set of challenges, but after dealing with the emotional instability and outbursts from our nanny over common sense tasks, I think I am welcoming daycare as our next step.

Children’s birthday parties and the conversations that happen there

The three of us went to a friend’s twins’ 4th birthday party at their home today. A number of kids were there, ranging in age from about 10 months to 6 years, so Kaia was a bit on the younger side in terms of the kids who were there. The oldest child who came engaged with her a bit in the beginning, as well as a three-year old who came, who mostly stuck to herself. One twin wanted to fully exclude her from “entry” into their castle, and the second twin had to wait until the first twin went to another room to “admit” her. It was a little funny and cute how distinct the two twins’ personalities were: one twin is very aggressive, exclusive, and wants what she wants when she wants it; the other twin seems a bit more thoughtful and wants to be nice to everyone.

While watching Kaia on and off and observing how all the kids interacted with each other, I had a few short conversations with the parents who came (everyone who attended the party had kids and came with their kids). It was mostly a lot of predictable conversations around pregnancy, birth, child-rearing, temper tantrums, and developmental milestones. I sort of annoyed one mom by suggesting to her daughter that if and when the school bully tries to hit her (she was telling me about the mean kid in her class), she should hit back (I mean… I’m all about self defense. Who wants to be seen as the easy target at school?). Another mom kept asking me when I was going to try for a second kid, which I kept trying to change the subject of, yet she still didn’t seem to get the message, and continued to try to steer us back to that. She also apparently has a very different definition of what it means to have family members who live “close by”: she said she had no family who lived close by. But her mom lives a 10-minute drive away, while her sister lives an hour drive away. The other dads who were there had strained conversations with me, and overall, the conversations were fairly insipid and unmemorable. Granted, I’d seen pretty much everyone here multiple times before at this friends’ events and gatherings, but we’ve never really clicked with any one of them. I think we’re at a point now where we’ve realized that we’re not going to be establishing any of these people as our own friends or people we’d want to see outside of these events. I guess in the end, we came for our friend, our own baby to have a semblance of a “play date” like setting, and for the food (which was excellent, with the main highlights being pan roasted Korean-style beef short ribs and homemade chocolate hazelnut macarons). So the overall party was just exactly what I expected it to be, end to end.

Early Intervention (EI) for children

A lot of people look at the need or mention of “early intervention” in their baby or toddler’s life as a condemnation of their parenting abilities, whether it’s about whether they have done enough for their child, or if it’s something they could have passed down to them genetically that has stunted some part of their development. I’ve generally always been pragmatic about it: if a child needs some additional help, it’s probably better to get them help sooner rather than later, because whatever that developmental delay is, it could cascade and have negative affects on other areas of development if not addressed.

I had a hunch Kaia would be quite verbal this time last year, and I was right: at this point, she can say over 60 different words, which according to developmental milestone charts I’ve read, is at the 2-year old-plus level of speaking. But the area where she hasn’t been that strong is in walking. She easily pulls herself up and gets down. She sits in a lot of different positions. She also is happy to walk while we hold her hands, or when she’s pushing her walker. But she just won’t walk independently, and she will only stand on her own for about 3-4 seconds max. She crawls super fast though, and she’s very, very nimble. Crawling was supposed to precede walking. But still to this day, no walking on her own. I told the doctor this at her appointment today, and she suggested that she recommend Kaia for early intervention to see what we could do to help her walk. Someone would likely reach out to me in the next 2-3 weeks to set up an appointment to come to our home and observe and potentially make recommendations to help.

I don’t really mind it, and I don’t see any harm in having someone evaluate her and watch her closely. I especially don’t mind since it’s fully covered via our health insurance, plus we don’t have to go out of our way to get the help. Who knows – our nanny says that she thinks Kaia is just on the brink of walking and will likely get there before the EI appointment is even scheduled, so we shall wait and see.

Kaia’s growing hair

In the last couple of months, Kaia’s hair has gotten noticeably longer to the point where I can’t just part it out of her face with the usual side part. I have to either clip it back or tie it up. While she easily tolerated hair clips from around seven months through 12 months, since we’ve come back from the Southern Hemisphere, she will not wear them at all. She will insist on pulling them out, throwing them, and chewing on them. And of course, this gives our nanny anxiety because she knows that I will be checking at the end of each day to see if any hair clips are missing (they were quite pricey for what they are, given they were handmade and meant specifically for fine baby/toddler hair). So because of this, she just won’t take them out of the apartment. 😀

So I started rummaging through my random hair accessories, including complimentary things I’d been collecting from different hotel stays, and I actually did find a couple of baby-sized hair ties that would be appropriate for her hair length and texture. I started tying her hair up, and for the most part, she’s accepted this. After a rough few days of not understanding why I had to comb and tie her hair up, now, Kaia patiently sits there each morning as I comb and style her hair. This morning, I tied her hair up in two little pony tails. The nanny said that some of her “friends” at the library, including a boy of a similar age who lives in our building, saw her, and then proceeded to attempt pulling her ponytails.

“That was inevitable,” my nanny said, rolled her eyes. “Boys always want to pull girls’ hair!”

Pookster finally sleeps in her crib all night since coming back from Australia

On Saturday night, I slept in the air mattress we set up next to Kaia’s crib, with the front rail removed. While she fussed a couple times through the night, she mostly just needed the pacifier back in her mouth, as well as to get a brief back rub (she mostly prefers to sleep on her stomach at this stage). At around 2am, she fussed and needed to be comforted, so I pulled her off the crib mattress and onto my chest so that she could fall asleep on top of me, and eventually put her back on her back on the crib mattress. She slept soundly all the way until about 7am on Sunday morning. I opened my eyes at about 7:12am, and I found her sitting on her knees on her crib mattress, staring down at me, probably wondering when mommy would finally wake up.

Then last night, at Chris’s suggestion, I snuck out of the room after her first mini fuss, at around 12:30am. I went back to our own bed and slept there, checking on her twice through the night to make sure she was okay. She slept all by herself in her room until around 6am, when Chris woke up and saw her standing at the crib, waiting for us to get her. He went to retrieve her and brought her back to our bed, where she slept for another 45 minutes before waking up. It was like in the old days, before the Australia trip, when she happily slept in her crib but would occasionally want to join our bed in the early morning.

It took a while to get here, but I hope this keeps up. I want her to feel safe and comfortable in her crib, in her own room, without us there. I just hope no future trip disrupts this and causes her separation anxiety to come back again.

Don’t withhold food from the Pookster; she will come for you

Kaia’s palate always seems to surprise pretty much everyone. Our nanny doubted me when I introduced different new, strongly flavored and spiced food to her way in the beginning of our solids journey. Other nannies tell our nanny that she is lying or exaggerating when she talks about what Kaia eats. Parents on both sides have questioned whether our approach has been smart or safe. Envious friends have suggested that not all parents would be comfortable implementing the same feeding approach. But the funny thing is, even though we have certainly been bold and seemingly fearless in introducing as many new flavors to her as possible, especially in the period leading up to her turning 1, Pookster also occasionally astonishes us, as well.

With some of the produce we picked up in Jackson Heights and Woodside yesterday, I made a fresh sour mango salad as part of our dinner this evening. I really didn’t have that many sour green mangoes, so we really just had enough mangoes for Chris and me as part of our meal. Because I pounded two Thai chilies into the garlic for the dressing and tasted it, it seemed a bit too spicy, so I decided not to give Kaia any.

Well, I probably “decided” that too soon because while feeding her dinner, she kept peering into my dinner bowl, wondering what I was eating, and probably also wondering why the hell she didn’t get the same thing. My baby gets massive FOMO when it comes to food. She whined until I gave her some, and then of course, she had to have 4-5 more spoonfuls until I had no more salad for myself left, except the parts with pounded chili residual.

Okay, well I guess I learned something: next time, I will not only buy more sour green mangoes, but I will also just give her the spicy food while I eat it. There’s really no need for me to be a tease with my own child, is there?

Our baby loves her nanny

A year ago, on Good Friday 2022, our current nanny did her trial day with us. Back then, my little Pookster was just over four months old, responsive and bubbly, with chunky cheeks and stubby little hands that were always trying to grab everything. It’s amazing what transpires in a year and how much my little baby grew and evolved. Now, she’s walking (well, while pushing her walker) and trying to get those hands, no longer stubby, into all our drawers and cabinets. Her curiosity knows no bounds, as she’s curious not just with people and places, but also with new foods, which, fingers crossed, we hope continues. She’s saying endless words now, and even repeating things that well, perhaps she should not be saying. Her dad keeps applauding her for the 100th time that she’s proudly exclaimed, “Oh, shit!”

Kaia loves spending time with her nanny. Our nanny makes her smile and giggle, and every morning she comes in, I know Kaia is excited to see her just from the big grin on her face and how her eyes light up. I am grateful we found a nanny who has not only been reliable and trustworthy, but also genuinely loves and cares for our daughter. Not every family is as lucky in the nanny/caregiver world as we have been. Almost every week in local parenting groups on social media, I see parents posting about the nanny that accepted an offer but never showed up on the first day; a nanny who suddenly gave her notice but didn’t come back to finish her final weeks as promised; a nanny who steals the most random things from the parents’ home (the dumbest thing I read was the nanny who stole some expensive sponges… wow). I shudder every time I read these. Our nanny is part of the mini-village we have created, in a world where the “village” doesn’t really exist much anymore. It’s been sweet to watch the relationship between our nanny and Pookster grow. We have definitely gotten lucky with our nanny.

When a first time mom teaches a nanny how to feed baby

This morning as the “treat” at the end of her breakfast, I washed some blackberries and served them whole for Kaia. In general, for berries like blackberries or blueberries, it’s not advised to give them whole at her age…. unless the child has shown advanced chewing/biting abilities. So with both types of berries now, I just give them to her whole (occasionally, I flatten the blueberries slightly), and she’s comfortable and more than able to chew through them and swallow. Our nanny watched Kaia shove one whole blackberry into her mouth after the other and laughed.

“If you told me a year ago that I was going to allow a 15-month old to eat WHOLE blackberries under my watch, I would have told you that you were crazy!” our nanny laughed. “I’ll be honest, Yvonne. I have learned a lot about what babies are capable of with food because of you.”

I smiled. It’s always funny when your nanny relents that she was wrong, and you were right. I’d say that with 8+ months of practice with chewing and biting, it’s partly just practice that led Kaia to being the good eater she is. But the other part of it could also just be luck. Maybe if another kid had her same environment and conditions, perhaps they wouldn’t be as mature as Kaia is with food. Who knows?

“Maybe you will do this same form of baby-led weaning for your next nanny kid at your next job,” I said to her, winking.

She shook her head. “No, no… I don’t think so. I will stick with what I am comfortable with!!”

Play rooms at luxury apartment buildings in New York City

When we first toured our current apartment building six years ago, although we did see the children’s play room, we didn’t think much of it since at that time, we didn’t have any kids, nor were we actively trying to conceive. But of course, since getting pregnant with Kaia and now having her, when we have toured other building’s facilities, I’ve definitely scrutinized the play rooms more in terms of how they are set up, what types of toys and structures they have, and how they are decorated. Another thing about most building play rooms (and gyms, for that matter) is that they tend to be in the basement. I’d assume this is to maximize the windowed areas for actual units people will be living in/renting/buying, but still, this is annoying to think of children playing without any natural light in the rooms they are in; it just seems so dreary. It’s my huge gripe with all daycares that are close to where we live: all the main educational areas have zero windows or view to the outside world. The big windows are one reason our nanny said she really likes our play room. She said that our play room is not too big, not too small, but just the right size. And the large windows on one side of it really help.

Our nanny has been great in finding other nannies who are caring for babies of a similar age as Kaia to arrange play dates and encourage socialization. So while they’ve organized activities together at the playground, the park, and the library, they’ve also taken turns “hosting” the other nanny/child at each other’s building’s play rooms. The thing that was hilarious about the most recent child is how big her building’s play room is. They have these huge cushion/foam structures set up for kids of toddler age to walk up, climb up, spin around, and do all the same “gymnastic” like activities that they have toddlers do at NYC Elite Gym or Gymboree… just without the $50/class price tag, or $200+/month charge.

“That building’s play room has all the same stuff as Gymboree, just without the charge!” my nanny exclaimed one day after sharing photos with me of what the kids did together. “It’s like robbery what places like Gymboree charge!”

I kind of smirked in response and said.. well, make sure to keep in contact with this nanny/nanny kid and do a play date at their play room at least once a week so we can maximize the “value” of this relationship. This relationship is essentially a $200/month value now!!

“Eyes” and the letter “i”

I’ve asked our nanny to do more educational activities with Kaia since we came back from Australia, things like coloring, writing, identifying colors, shapes, body parts; counting, the alphabet. Kaia has a puzzle of her own name on it that was gifted for her birthday by a friend. And so our nanny has been using our play mat and the puzzle to teach her the alphabet, while also doing exercises on identifying her eyes, nose, mouth, and other body parts. Now, when our nanny asks Kaia where her “eyes” are, though, Kaia confuses this and thinks her “eyes” are the “i” in the name puzzle! At first, I didn’t quite get it, but then I realized that her name puzzle has an “i” in it for her name, and then I got the connection and confusion. It’s always interesting to look at these learning moments from a baby’s developing view. She actually isn’t totally “wrong,” but we just need to see it from her perspective.