Category Archives: Culture

Indo Java Indonesian Grocery Store in Elmhurst, Queens

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Today, we spent the day exploring Elmhurst, Queens, my original neighborhood that I lived in when I first moved to New York City back in June 2008. Elmhurst has changed quite a lot since then: modern, new rental and condominium buildings have gone up. Fancier restaurants and even bars have opened up. More and more working professionals who work in Manhattan are moving in. And of course, all that means more gentrification and higher rental and buying costs here. The neighborhood has historically been a mix of working class Asian, Hispanic, and various White immigrants. Every time I go back now, it seems to be skewing more and more Asian. And with that, more Chinese, Filipino, Indonesian, and Taiwanese restaurants and businesses seem to be popping up.

Today, we went back to Indo Java Indonesian Grocery Store right on Queens Boulevard, just minutes walk from my old apartment. This time, it was full of all the goodies that made it so loved amongst immigrant Indonesians: an entire table FULL of Indonesian savory and sweet snacks and desserts, all made by the grocery store staff at a nearby offsite location. And as soon as I saw the table, I felt decision paralysis: so many interesting, delicious things to choose from, but what would I buy? They had lots of fried and steamed snacks, entire half pandan chiffon cakes, and a seemingly endless assortment of different kuih, or steamed Indonesian finger-sized cakes and sweets. In the end, I chose the wajik, a jackfruit/palm sugar/glutinous rice mini cake, plus talam ubi, or a two-layered coconut-sweet potato cake infused with pandan. I had a quick chat with the owner, who rung my items up, and she told me that she always gets excited when non-Indonesians (like me) find her store and get into their products. She also told me about their special Indonesian home cooking meals served on select days of the week, announced slightly in advance on their Instagram handle. It looks like they only started this in 2016, so four years after I left the area. It made me sad I didn’t live closer to this deliciousness.

Indonesia is one of the most populous countries on earth, and their cuisine is ultra diverse and so delicious with its endless herbs, spices, and flavors. Sometimes, I forget how delicious it is, especially since Elmhurst seems to be the only area in all of New York City where Indonesian food exists. Now, I feel like I need to go back when they have their chefs do special meals at the grocery store on Tuesdays, Thursdays, or Sundays, just to remember how multifaceted, spicy, and delicious the cuisine is.

Lincoln Center Annual Summer in the City pay-what-you-wish performances – super competitive this year!

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Since I’ve attended a number of Lincoln Center performances over the years, including ones in recent times that are kid-focused, I am on their email list and get notifications about upcoming events and festivals. Last year, I attended two different orchestra performances for their recent annual Summer in the City series of performances, and I knew I wanted to check out the performance line-up for this year and attend a few more. This year, I got the notification they’d be doing it again this summer, and it would be even more varied. This summer, they would have a really interesting mix of orchestra, opera, theater, and dance. I asked a few friends if they’d like to join, and so I was able to get tickets for two different performances so far.

Alas, the pay-what-you-wish performance ticket purchasing wasn’t as simple as it was in 2024. I still remember that I was able to buy tickets a week or so after, and I had my pick of seats to choose from. This time, when I logged into their site just minutes after General Admission opened up, there was already an online queue! When I got in, I was person 367 on the list, and they gave me an estimated wait time of over 40 minutes before I’d be able to go in and choose seats for a specific performance. One of the performance dates I wanted had already sold out by the time I got in, and it asked me to choose a different date. Luckily, the friend who wanted to go with me to see this modern opera was flexible, so we ended up choosing a date two days later.

Free or low-cost events certainly do exist in New York City; they are actually quite plentiful if you know where and how to look. You just have to be ready to deal with the crowds, even if some of those “crowds” can be virtual. I actually prefer the online queue versus waiting hours on end in a real, physical line for admittance or for a performance to start. It’s a lot less hectic this way!

La Morada – Indigenous Mexican and Oaxacan cuisine in the Bronx

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During the pandemic, Chris and I walked through the South Bronx and attempted to go eat at La Morada, a Oaxacan restaurant that is not only known for serving indigenous Mexican cuisine, but also feeds those in need through The Mutual Aid Kitchen. But alas, we were out of luck: they were actually closed on the Saturday we went. At that time, they were open only during the weekdays. We were able to come back today and enjoy some very chocolatey and slightly spicy mole poblano with the most delicious oven roasted chicken, rice (which was likely cooked in chicken broth, and luxurious black beans. We enjoyed it with a jamaica drink (hibiscus tea) and ended with a proper Mexican hot chocolate. Marco served us; his mom is the chef and owner. It was a warm, homely family-run and owned restaurant. And they were so warm and kind serving us and answering any and all of our questions. Everything about the place took me back to Oaxaca, from the decor on the walls to the open kitchen to even the plates and bowls our food was served in. Unfortunately for Kaia, she didn’t get to enjoy any of the food since she had passed out right before we arrived at the restaurant.

I later read more about La Morada and found out that their family actually has undocumented status, yet they are still so resilient, run their own business, feed those in need, and run a community garden, where they actually source a lot of their own vegetables and fruit. I found it shocking that they’d be so open about this, especially now with the current political climate. But it’s clear that they have guts and perseverance. It almost makes me want to go up there more often just to support them — and eat through their delicious menu, which I’m sure pretty much no other place in New York could replicate, and definitely not at their price points.

New Yorkers hate on New Jersey; New Jersey people hate on New Yorkers

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I have a friend who is originally from Texas, but moved to New Jersey when she was in high school and has been there ever since. She’s the only person I know who lives in New Jersey and regularly and proactively loves coming into New York City; everyone else I have met who is New Jersey based (most of whom were born and raised there, as well) avoid New York City completely unless it’s for work; they abhor the mere idea of coming into the city on a weekend or when it’s not for work. She never whines or whinges about coming into the city; she’s always happy to drive in and meet me. In fact, I have only ever seen her in Manhattan; so far, I haven’t gone to Jersey to visit her even once (maybe I am a bad friend, but she doesn’t seem to mind this thus far). No, it’s not just for work, as she is 100 percent remote in her job; it’s because she recognizes that New York City is literally the center of the country (if not the entire universe) for food.

She was hating on New Jersey people the other day and saying how mad she gets with their attitudes of New York City. She said she couldn’t stand how closed minded the average Jersey person was; most of them are born and raised in Jersey and never, ever leave. They don’t even want to go into NEW YORK CITY, she said. How can anyone be against New York City? she lamented. That’s like being against culture, against diversity, against life! She says the only reason she doesn’t live in the city is that she cannot afford it; plus, she’s trying to spend as little money as possible on housing so that she can meet her personal life goal of retiring by the age of 50.

I was shocked when she always wanted to hang out in New York and was so willing to drive to see me. She insisted it was never a big deal; she was used to driving and driving everywhere, so it was just her means to get everywhere. And when I told Chris this, he said it makes sense that she is happy to do this given she’s not originally from New Jersey and is from Texas, where anyone and everyone need a car to get around, and that’s just what life is there.

I thought about this during my day trip to Morristown, New Jersey, today, for a customer meeting. I basically spent all afternoon in a popular suburban town. It has an upscale, small town feel. Before my meetings, I met up with a local colleague who was attending the meetings with me, and we caught up over coffee. This colleague, who I get along with really well, is like one of those New Jersey people that my friend complains about: born and raised in New Jersey and unlikely to ever leave; rarely travels to see new things. He loves to nudge me every time I chat with him and ask when I am moving to New Jersey with my husband and daughter. And I always smile and say the exact same thing:

“Nope, no plans to ever move to New Jersey. I think Chris would much rather die. And I think I agree with him.”

Chinese dinner banquet-style eating will never be the same

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Tonight, we went downtown to Chinatown to pick Kaia up from school before heading off to one of our old standbys for dinner, Wu’s Wonton King. We started going here way back in 2016-2017 when I first discovered it. While they are obviously known for their delicious wontons, they are also known for their high quality Peking duck, which pre-pandemic, they used to present whole to you, and then beautifully slice up table side and insert each carefully cut piece into a little hot and steamy mantou bun, then dress it with a bit of hoisin sauce and thinly sliced scallions. They would place all of these pieces in a neat steam tray, then also give you a plate on the side with the whole duck legs. Chris said that his parents being in town was a good opportunity to take advantage of ordering more things given we’d have more mouths to feed.

Yes, in theory, that is the case. But alas, with age, all of our appetites have declined, especially his parents’. And well, Chinese dinner banquet style eating will never quite live up to the same memories or expectations I had when I was growing up, when we’d have semi-regular Cantonese feasts out with my grandma, parents, Ed, three cousins, and their parents. My grandma would always do all the ordering. We’d always start with a hearty soup, followed by various massive platters of seafood, meats, and vegetables, along with a huge family sized portion of rice. And the meal would always end with a complimentary dessert soup. It was usually red bean, but if we got lucky, it was taro sago. You would never leave this meal hungry.

Tonight, we ordered a whole Peking duck, a whole steamed fish (which I think was rock cod), egg tofu and vegetable casserole, and a platter of stir-fried pea shoots with garlic, plus rice. Was it more than we usually order when it’s just Chris, Kaia, and me? Of course. But the variety of food will never hold a candle to the variety I had as a child in my ten-person-family meals out. You really need more hungry mouths to feed, as well as mouths that appreciate variety. Plus, the things I really crave, like ginger garlic sauteed lobster or crab, his parents wouldn’t really appreciate much.. and frankly, neither would Chris. His dad always says he doesn’t “take” crab or lobster. His mom seems ambivalent to it. And well, the apple never falls that far from the tree: Chris thinks that crab and (lesser so) lobster are never worth the manual labor. Kaia enjoys crab and lobster if it’s fed to her, but she doesn’t quite go “crazy” over any seafood that much.

Who knows — maybe one day in the not-so-near future, we’ll have a group of friends who would be willing to indulge like this. And with prices on literally everything rising and inflation going nuts, that time seems like it’s quite far away. For Lunar New Year this year, I spent about $22 on a whole fish and steamed it ginger scallion style as I usually do. This whole fish at Wu’s, which was about twice the size of the LNY one, was almost $70. Are we paying for the labor? Yes. But while it was nice to have someone else make it for me, I couldn’t help but feel like I was kind of being price gouged.

“They Called Us Exceptional: And Other Lies That Raised Us”

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Since getting pregnant with Kaia, I’ve thought a lot about the concept of intergenerational trauma or inherited trauma. I suppose my generation is the first to acknowledge that such a thing even exists and how toxic it can be. In previous generations, it was all about survival. Now, my generation is being more introspective about why we are the way we are, and how the way we are is largely shaped by how we were raised and what we were told was expected or “normal.”

I’ve read more books in the last several years about complicated parent-adult child relationships, dysfunctional ethnic family dynamics, and child-rearing in general. In the last year, I came across a book recommendation, a memoir entitled, “They Called Us Exceptional: And Other Lies that Raised Us” by Prachi Gupta, an Indian-American journalist who is my age. In her memoir, she details her parents’ journey to the U.S., their path to the “American dream,” and how the model minority myth fractured her family and even potentially even led to her brother’s premature, untimely death.

Prachi is exactly 18 months older than her brother. Her parents told her they had intended always to have two children, and for them to be close in age, because they wanted the two of them to be each other’s best friend; their mom said that they wanted them to take care of each other once they both passed. Prachi and Yush were basically like best friends up until their late teen/early adult years, when their relationship became unsteady due to their diverging views on men vs. women’s roles in society, as well as their family’s dysfunctions.

I really felt for Prachi reading this book; I finished the book within just a few sittings. Even though she specifically discusses the Indian American / desi experience, I could relate a lot to the complexities of the dysfunctions of her family, the verbal and psychological abuse she, her brother, and their mother endured. I could hear the same echoes and pressures of keeping things a secret or “having/losing face” in my own family. And I could especially feel for her in the moment she found out that her little brother was dead. All the things she so eloquently writes about in detailing her emotions around her brother’s life and death feel so eerily familiar, so similar to how I felt with Ed. The only difference was that Yush was a high achieving, outwardly “successful” Asian American, and well, Ed was not. Both were depressed and suffered from different psychological disorders; both felt that they were less than human beings in their on-earth-bodily states. This is a pretty good quote to summarize how she felt about her family in the world:

“I had once thought that I came from a line of Gods, and I had punished myself for failing to be Godlike. But we were not Gods, and I was not the avatar for our family’s unraveling. I was just another product of inherited trauma, unresolved grief, and reactive survival mechanisms, like everyone else who came before me. We were mortals who felt ashamed when we failed to appear omnipotent. Now I see that my job was to release my ancestors from this burden, to allow those who come next the freedom to be ordinary.”

The book ends with her having little to no contact with her parents. The memoir is written as a letter addressing her mother throughout, saying all the things she wish she could say to her, but her mom refuses to listen to. While she yearns to have a close relationship with her mom as she did when she was a child, it cannot happen without the meddling of her abusive, controlling, and mentally ill father.

Even though it’s been a few days since I finished reading the book, I’m still thinking about it a lot. The emotional rawness of it felt so real, so scarily relatable. As a review in The Atlantic wrote, “She explains better than any writer I’ve ever encountered how conflicts that may appear low-stakes—such as an argument over grades or extracurriculars—can tear open an unnavigable gulf.” People always say that certain arguments don’t matter or don’t mean anything — but my general thought is, well, actually, these seemingly little arguments can expose larger fractures that should very likely be addressed before they blow up. I’m happy to see people of color in my generation writing books like this, and also addressing exactly how complex and unpredictable “dysfunction” can look like.

Grocery bagger’s integrity

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I was at Patel Brothers in Jackson Heights this morning picking up a few Indian grocery staples before getting some work done at a cafe and then meeting a friend for lunch in the area. At the cash register, one worker was ringing all my items up, while a second was bagging my groceries with my canvas bags. The Indian male worker who was bagging my groceries was likely in his 70s or 80s; he was short, had a bad back with his very visible hunch, and was slowly bagging each item into my first canvas bag. After all my items were rung up and I paid, I thought I would help speed things up given there was someone behind me who was about to be rung up, and we could get done quicker if we both bagged the items. The grocery bagger gazed up at me sternly but grandfatherly, shook his head and wagged his finger with a smile on his face to indicate to me that he didn’t want me bagging my items, and motioned for my second canvas bag to fill it with my items. I let him finish slowly bag up the rest of my items, thanked him, and departed. He gave me a slow smile and a wink on my way out.

I don’t know why, but on my walk over to the cafe, I kept thinking about this guy. He didn’t say anything to me; I’m not even sure if he spoke English. But what’s clear is that he took his job seriously and had a lot of integrity. He knew that if I helped bag my own items, it would have been quicker; two is always faster than one. But he really didn’t want me to do it. And it made me think about integrity. I am not sure what he did for a living before bagging groceries at Patel Brothers, but I am willing to bet that as a little boy, he didn’t dream about bagging groceries in his 70s and 80s. Yet what I also think is true is that given this is his current chosen job, he just wants to do the best possible job he can because he actually cares. And frankly, not everyone cares enough to do the best possible job they can at any job today, especially ones that are higher in pay or prestige elsewhere.

The world of chicken soup

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Every culture on earth likely has their version of the restorative, soothing, and homey chicken soup. In the U.S., it’s oftentimes made with a mirepoix (carrots, celery, and onion), lots of shredded chicken, and egg noodles; this is what you picture when you think of a can of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup. A Jewish version may basically be this, but instead of egg noodles, it would have large, fat, airy, fluffy matzo balls (which I love and even craved while pregnant with Kaia). In China, chicken soup has endless variations, but the most basic ones just simply have some ginger or garlic added; the version made for postpartum confinement is made with rice wine, Chinese red dates, lots of ginger, and plenty of chicken and collagen from the bones. In Vietnam, pho ga is extremely popular, flavored with charred onions, ginger, and whole cilantro stems, spiced with delicate fennel seeds.

And then there is Thailand, where, when westerners think of Thai soup, they immediately think of tom yum goong, with its red tinged broth and big prawns. What’s actually more common in Thai home cooking, though, is the favored and beloved tom kha gai, or Thai chicken coconut galangal soup. I’ve been trying to make more soups this year, and this soup naturally seemed to fit on the list of things we’d like to enjoy at home. Other than having a strong chicken stock base and coconut, the soup primarily relies on fresh herb infusions, primarily thinly sliced galangal (of course, given the “kha” in the name), pounded lemongrass, bruised makrut lime leaves, and sliced chilies.

I had all of these items except for the galangal stored in my freezer. So I went down to Chinatown to look for galangal, knowing this would be harder to find. I popped into Hong Kong Supermarket, where very occasionally I had seen galangal before, but it was usually a rare item. When I couldn’t find it, I asked one of the workers in Chinese if they had galangal (in Chinese, it’s pronounced “gao liang jiang”). He responded, “Galangal? We’ve had it before. But I don’t think we have it today. Why don’t you use ginger instead?” and then pointed over to the massive ginger pieces on the shelf.

This guy was clearly Chinese and not southeast Asian at all. No Southeast Asian would ever, ever say that galangal could be replaced by ginger. It’s a totally different world of flavor!! I ended up going to a small Thai shop on Mosco Street to source my galangal instead. And that trek was worth it.

I made the tom kha gai soup today, which came together really quickly, and it was even more delicious than I had envisioned. It tasted soothing, comforting, creamy, and very fresh because of all those fresh herbs. This soup was like the embodiment of everything I love about Thai cooking. As I was sipping it and picking out pieces of woody galangal, I thought about how my Thai cooking journey started, and it was all because of Hot Thai Kitchen. When I first moved to New York and lived in Elmhurst, I was surrounded by endless authentic and delicious Thai restaurants. I marveled at all the different herbs and spices and thought it would be too complicated to make at home. And now 17 years later, with Hot Thai Kitchen’s guidance and expert explanations, I’m making Thai food semi regularly now, and it’s not daunting at all! It’s the evolution of my cooking knowledge and skills thanks to some amazing sources like Hot Thai Kitchen’s Pailin that make their cuisines so approachable and easy to understand.

The “right” way to make stock/bone broth

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If you do a quick search online for how to make chicken stock/broth/bone broth, you”ll see that there are endless tips and tricks, recipes, and recipes that claim to be the “best.” What very few of them will do is share that, well, there’s really no “best” bone broth recipe. Is it really necessary to add vinegar to your bone broth process to further “pull” out the nutrients from the bone marrow into your stock? Do you need to do a mirepoix (combination of chopped carrots, onions, and celery) to make the most flavorful stock base? Are onions a “must” in any chicken stock? The answer to all the above is “no,” and “it depends.” All global cultures have their version of bone broth/stock, and every version brings a different type of “delicious” to their culture’s food. When I was recently reading about the popular Thai soup tom kha gai or Thai chicken galangal coconut soup, Hot Thai Kitchen warned to absolutely NOT use chicken stock from a can/carton from your average Western grocery store because it would not have the right flavors for a Thai soup. Instead, she suggests making your own very simply with a few ingredients. A lot of people would be confused by what she means. What she’s saying is that the mirepoix mentioned above, which is usually considered key in ideal western chicken stocks, would not work here, nor would flavorings like oregano, thyme, rosemary, or the related that are oftentimes added to western stocks. Typical Asian-based stocks would be nothing more than the chicken itself, occasionally garlic and ginger, sometimes some onion, daikon, cilantro and scallion stems, and that’s it!

I made my Asian-based stock just like this today, with chicken bones, some chicken drumsticks, slices of ginger, a few smashed cloves of garlic, some frozen cilantro and scallion stems, daikon, onion, and peppercorns. And it turned out the way it always turns out: rich, golden, full of collagen, and fragrant. I’m planning to use it for tom kha gai, maybe some future tom yum goong, and likely a third Chinese or Thai soup. Stock is the basis of all good cooking, and in this house, we definitely lean Asian with our flavors.

Persian Adasi (lentil) stew

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While still on my Persian cooking kick, I decided to also make some Persian style lentils, also known as adasi (lentils) stew. I soaked some brown lentils overnight, chopped up onions and garlic, and then simply used turmeric, cumin, and cinnamon to spice the lentils and simmered them for about 45 minutes. And when I seasoned and did a taste test, I just thought… wow. This is so warm and hearty tasting, and there’s no animal product in it at all. And though turmeric, cumin, and cinnamon are all spices that cross both Persian and Indian cultures, the resulting flavor is so, so different than any Indian dal you would ever eat, home cooked or at a restaurant. I was texting this with my Persian friend, who also agreed how interesting it was, while also nothing that at one time, they are all one empire. Then, they broke off and developed their own techniques and ways of cooking that are slightly the same, yet different.

I occasionally still meet people who are anti beans, who think beans are gross, give you gas, and should be avoided. I really think that if they had a lentil stew like this Persian version that they would be hard pressed to say it was revolting.