Autumn coming to New York is also a reminder to us that Open House New York has arrived, which is a weekend in New York City where public spaces that are usually closed off to the general public, as well as private spaces like notable apartments and office spaces with interesting architectural elements, open up for viewing. When we’ve been here and haven’t been occupied with other activities, we’ve always made a point of seeing a few sites. This year, one of the sites we visited was the Westbeth Artists’ Housing in the West Village, which has been providing subsidized housing for artists since the early 1970s (and, as my research revealed, was also a site where the Manhattan Project was worked on during World War II). As of 2011, the highest amount of rent any one tenant was paying was $1,700/month, and for many decades, a wait list has existed for artists to get admitted into the building.

In a city as expensive as New York, it is comforting to know that housing opportunities like this exist to allow for creativity and the arts to continue. Westbeth is known to be the largest federally subsidized collection of apartment buildings in the entire country. And as an added bonus, family who live here are allowed to pass their apartments down to their children and future generations.

I occasionally wonder what my life would have been like if I had taken the less “practical” route. But this housing opportunity allows the children of artists to take the chances that I was too scared of ever taking.

Tonight, we saw a show with a short run called All Because of Infidelity. The show is about four different couples at different life and relationship stages, and all are either going through or have gone through periods of infidelity that they are forced to deal with. One couple is engaged and planning to get married in six months, but the woman is having an affair with another man at work that her fiancé is unaware of. The second couple has been married over 40 years, and during every wedding anniversary, they run through a “recap” of their married life together, which also touches upon his infidelity early on, as well as hers… though she received his “consent” to sleep with this other man to make sure they were both “even.” The third couple is made up of two gay men, one of whom appears to have a sexual addiction and has multiple sex partners on the internet, whereas his husband walks in on the internet relationships and is horrified, just wanting a happy married monogamous life. Finally, the fourth couple is in couples’ therapy after the man cheats on his girlfriend with a colleague (they may be in therapy, but contrary to what the man has said, his affair is still ongoing and he has zero plans to end it).

Infidelity is one of those things that everyone seems to have strong opinions about. But as I have reflected over many years, I don’t really think it’s the end of the world. Human beings weren’t really designed to be monogamous, otherwise why would so many people cheat? People are human; they get bored. They crave newness, they want different experiences. Being monogamous really isn’t for everyone, and I dislike the judgment that people get for cheating. Maybe the relationship wasn’t right in the first place. Over time, people evolve, and not always together. I don’t think our ancestors ever thought that we’d be living on this earth on average for about 79-82 years. Assuming you get married at age 30, that means that you’d be monogamous with one single person for 50+ years; that’s a LONG time to be in a relationship with just one person. Infidelity, if anything, is just a sign that perhaps the open communication in a relationship that may be desired is not being met. Monogamy is a social construct that only works if the two people in question are committed to making it work.

A friend once naively commented about people who cheat, “I don’t have time for that type of thing (cheating), and neither would the person I’d be with. Life is busy, and there’s too much to do to have time to mess around.”

It’s funny the judgments you hear people come up with… because cheating can be fun and exhilarating, that’s another way of saying, “I don’t have time for fun.”

I was taking a break and scrolling through my Instagram feed today when this Rupi Kaur post came up:

yesterday

when i woke up

the sun fell to the ground and rolled away

flowers beheaded themselves

all that’s left alive here is me

and i barely feel like living

depression is a shadow living inside me

We always say that it takes a village to raise a child. It also takes a village to help someone out of their depression, to help them separate the idea that ending pain does not necessarily mean s/he needs to end his/her life. The saddest part about that statement, though, is that even when people do show obvious signs they are struggling, the people who should care and give more attention do not. And then, it is suddenly too late, and those remaining have all these regrets of thoughts of what they could have done — should’ve could’ve would’ve. 

The laziness and inaction of human beings never ceases to anger me. That applies to voting, too, in today’s heated political climate.

The funniest thing about today’s day and age with social media is that people can “know” you and ongoing details of your life without ever having met you. It’s almost like in some ways, you are both celebrities to each other, but when you finally do meet in person, it’s as though you’ve really known each other this whole time. That happened when Chris suggested I meet him at a bar in midtown after work today, and lo and behold, there he was, having drinks with one of his direct reports who is living in Chicago, but who I’ve known of and who has known me pretty much as long as she’s been at the same company as Chris. We both follow each other on Instagram; she “friended” me on Facebook years ago, and has even donated to my AFSP fundraising drive. She even comments on my Instagram photos and occasionally sends me private messages through it. We chatted over drinks tonight, and she actually did not feel like a stranger at all to me.

There are certainly many evils to social media, but I can say that I am still on it and still feel like I benefit from its existence. These are some of the fun moments that happen as a result of it.

I was disappointed a few weeks ago when I received a notification that my primary care doctor, who I’ve been seeing for the last two years, had stopped accepting my current company’s health insurance. In this city, it’s one of the most aggravating and trying experiences to find the right doctor for anything. Her assistant said she’d happily see me as an “out-of-network” provider, but I immediately declined. My company is paying enough for health insurance for me; why should I have to give any doctor even more money out of pocket?! No one is that good in this crappy American healthcare system where we are constantly getting gouged left and right.

So, I was relieved when I called my gynecologist’s office today to find out that they have no changes in the insurances they accept and that I could still come in for a visit “in-network.” Well, there was a clarifying question.

Me: Does Dr. XXXX accept Blue Cross Blue Shield as in-network?

Assistant: Is it Blue Cross Blue Shield through your employer?

Me: Yes.

Assistant: Then great! We certainly do accept them.

Hmmm. What could this be about — the healthcare exchange through the Affordable Care Act…? We cannot even have those who are getting their own health insurance covered in the same way that we are covered because we have the luxury of having healthcare through our employers, whereas those others will just constantly get rejected left and right? This stupid healthcare system makes me more and more mad every single time I read an article about it or have a phone conversation with a provider like this. This should not be our normal.

A former colleague who was let go from my current company and I got together tonight for happy hour drinks. Around the time he got let go last year, his romantic relationship of over five years also ended shortly before that, so it was a massive double whammy in life for him. Although I knew that he had experienced a breakup around that time, I had no idea of the details behind it, or that they were together for such a long time. He revealed all this to me and what a shock it was tonight. I felt pretty terrible; I don’t even know how I’d react if I lost my job and my life partner at the same time. It would almost feel like a complete life failure in some ways to know that two such significant things came to a halting end all at once.

He said that although he had some really low moments over the last year, some much darker than others, when he read stories like the one about my brother in my fundraising drive message, it was like a reality check to him that his life really wasn’t so bad, that he actually had a lot of good things going for him, and that a lot of things made him happy. It made him happy to go out and run, smell fresh air, hike in nature, and be around his good friends. He had it really good, he concluded. Stories like my brother’s, as tragic as it sounds, gave him perspective. He eventually got a new job, and he’s been dating occasionally here and there to see what else could be out there for him. He seems to be taking control of his life as opposed to allowing his life to control him. I felt happy for him hearing this.

I do hope that when people read the story about Ed that it does give them some perspective. There’s a big difference between ending pain and ending life. I only wish Ed had been able to see that.

My back has been acting up since last week. It seems to come and go depending on what I am doing, which is really frustrating. I tried running again today, and my lower back is tight now. So throughout the work day, I laid out a mat on the floor near my desk, laid down, and stretched.

What this led to was others in my office getting on the floor and stretching, too. Then, one of my colleagues said he was in desperate need of a back massage, so he asked if I’d be willing to take off my flats and walk on his back.

This was, by far, the strangest thing any colleague has ever asked me to do. I wasn’t sure how to respond to this, so I immediately said no.

He kept insisting. I told him that it seemed like an awkward request, and it would look really weird. But then again, as if it really mattered given our office was mostly empty anyway, and only a handful of people were around to witness this potential event. So I finally gave in and walked on his back… literally all over his back. I guess the pressure seemed to help relieve some of his tension.

I actually walked on my colleague’s back today. Never thought I’d ever do that, but I guess you never know what you are capable of in an office setting.

While I’m excited about autumn squash, incorporating pumpkin and spices into my baking, and well, more autumn and wintry cooking in the form of stews, chilies, and soup, I’m still not thrilled about the early darkness that comes even before departing the office and having to turn lights on earlier than during the daylight savings time/summer months. I wore a dress and sandals to the office today to visually express my rebellion, and it really didn’t even feel like a rebellion because it was so warm and even a bit humid outside today. It’s still in the 70s, and we’re already on October 1st. I refuse to wear sweaters and warm pants. The weather refuses to cool down, too. It looks like the city’s weather and I are actually in sync.

Autumn also tends to mean that the more boring fruits tend to be available. While I do love honey crisp, mutsu, and pink lady apples, as well as pomegranates and persimmons, none of these fruit can hold a candle to the flavor of mangoes, lychees, or all the luscious berries out there. This means that it’s just time to whip out all the recipes I’ve neglected over the years to highlight these fruit, like French apple cake and persimmon bread.

Today, we backed up my iPhone 6s and traded it in for the latest iPhone XS. In the last few months, I’d noticed that my phone’s battery life was waning severely and quite early in the day to the point where while at the office, I’d just leave it plugged in pretty much all the time unless I had my Bose bluetooth earbuds plugged in. The phone was constantly desperate to be charged. The pull to get email and other updates had slowed down, and it was really bothering me. I’d had this phone for about three years at this point, and unfortunately, I recognized that I was being pulled into the Apple fanboy base in the same way that other Apple product users were; I wanted a faster phone. And these phones were designed to not last forever and be as performant. We are all being brainwashed to want something better, faster, newer, more efficient. And so I caved in and got the stupid XS today.

I have no sentimentality when it comes to technology. My iPhone 6s will be taken apart and recycled for parts for future phones. Who cares. Bye bye. It once served its purpose and now will serve a new purpose in getting taken apart and reused. I guess I don’t have much sentimentality when it comes to most physical things I own. Chris has talked about selling my engagement ring once diamonds actually do increase in value in the mid 2020s (thanks to the brainwashed mainland Chinese people who actually are buying diamonds so fast that there will truly be a diamond scarcity; who would’ve thunk it?!). And I’m genuinely okay with it if it means that a profit could be made, and something more special, more attractive, and actual rare could take its place. In retrospect, I am saddened by the fact that I was brainwashed into the DeBeers’s marketing scam that “a diamond is forever,” and the trite belief that that is what a wedding engagement ring should be. Now, I actually occasionally oogle over the beautiful and rare bi-colored sapphires I see in my Instagram feed — gemstones that truly are rare in nature that are also worth quite more than a diamond.

Human beings are so predictable. We just want all the same crap other people want. So, it’s refreshing when people rebel from the status quo and want something different. But I still can’t live without my smartphone, though.