This morning, I was at my computer when I received an email notification from our building management company. Throughout the pandemic, they have sent out notifications around mask mandates, expectations around common areas, and thoughts about the pandemic and pandemic living in general. It’s been nice to see that our management company has been proactive in sending out these updates, particularly since I know other people who also live in buildings overseen by a management company, and they really have not done anything to be proactive about keeping their residents safe during COVID-19. The latest update from management was that finally, after almost 2 years, the mask mandate in the building common areas would be removed to align with the mask mandate being removed across New York City. I honestly could not believe it when I read it: we have been wearing masks in common areas in this building on and off pretty much since April 2020. That is almost two years of never seeing anyone’s full face in our building. It is such a change and something that I really was not anticipating anytime soon… Not because the rates of Covid have been increasing because they have not in New York, but rather because wearing masks has been a new normal for us. I just expected that we would be wearing masks pretty much forever, particularly since there have constantly been new variants of COVID-19 since the pandemic began.

When I went downstairs to chat with our building manager, it was almost like a revelation: both of us were talking in a building common area and seeing each other’s full faces. Neither of us was wearing a mask. We both commented on the fact that we could actually see both of our full faces for the very first time, since she started here during the pandemic, and how amazing and ridiculous it was all at the same time. I wonder how long this will last. It felt pretty good, but at the same time, it also felt a little bit scary… Because who the heck knows if not wearing a mask will make us more susceptible to getting this freaking virus?!

Our night nurse Cheryl was scheduled to start with a new client in the middle of February. Because of this, we knew that our time with her was coming to an end, and so we decided that we would continue to have a Night Nurse come a few nights a week until the baby was sleeping through the night. She told us that her new client is going to be a new type of client for her: it was her first gay couple who is having a baby via a surrogate. One of them had given his sperm for this child and used the egg of their surrogate.  The baby’s due date was February 17, but as we all know, babies rarely come exactly on time, so she was on standby. She also said that with this couple, they had hired her for 24–7 support for a full month. Given that they are a gay couple, she said, and her words, “They are two men. They have zero maternal instinct. So I  need to give them all the help they can get.”

We asked her if she had any referrals for a Night Nurse who could continue in her place until the baby was sleeping through the night, and she gave us a couple of names, one of whom we ended up moving forward with. Her name is Annie , and we tentatively told her that we would like her support through mid April. She started with us this week, and I had a feeling that it was probably going to be good, but just different than what we were used to. We fully trusted Cheryl taking care of our baby. We knew that she knew exactly what she was doing and she taught us so much. With Annie, we trusted her because of the fact that Cheryl had referred her, and we knew that we could trust Cheryl‘s word.  

When Annie came, she was completely different than Cheryl: Cheryl tends to keep to herself and not talk a ton. Annie is super talkative, outgoing, and extremely friendly. She is very proactive about giving advice about the baby and how to manage her as she grows. She also loves talking to the baby and engaging with her. I had a feeling that this would be a good fit at this stage, particularly since the baby is approaching the non-newborn status, meaning that she would actually need a lot more interaction and stimulation. While we were hiring her for overnight support, she also said that she would be open to daytime support if and when needed. And when she came, she was proactive about things that we were not used to: one of them included organizing the baby’s drawers. She offered to take out the baby’s garbage via her diaper pail. She even wanted to get all of her things organized in advance such as her massive Costco box of wet wipes. It was very sweet that she was so proactive, but I wasn’t sure that she was actually going to do these things until yesterday, when I opened one of the baby’s drawers to find everything organized and neatly folded in easy to identify piles. To give you some context, the baby’s set of drawers is not like a regular dresser. The drawers open like doors outwards, as opposed to being pulled out. Because of this, I have always been frustrated organizing clothing in these drawers. But somehow, Annie found a way to organize everything. She had all of the onesies organized, all of the bibs, washers,  towels, even the socks. I could not believe how beautiful and neat the inside of these drawers looked. It was such a pleasant surprise because she didn’t actually tell me before she left that she did all of this. I just felt so happy and grateful to see that this was done, as she really did not have to do this. So I texted her and thanked her for going out of her way and taking care of this. And she said in response, it’s my pleasure! Happy to do it. Just want you to relax. That’s why I am here.

We are so lucky to have found two night nurses to support us who have been great to us and our baby. I had heard some nightmarish stories about hired help for childcare who have fallen asleep while on duty and ignored a crying baby, so in the back of my mind, I was never quite sure what to expect. I just hoped for the best. And well, we really lucked out so far.

It is technically not winter yet, as it’s officially winter on December 21st here in the northern hemisphere, but it certainly feels like it’s winter given the drop in temperatures. I always know that winter has arrived when my head feels naked without a hat on and my hands either need gloves or to be pushed into my pockets. But another reminder of winter is the tiny little snow flurries that tend to happen in late November and early December. When I am in the comfort of a warm office or home, and I look out the window and see tiny snowflakes fluttering around outside, I know it’s really winter. And that feeling that accompanies those snowflakes is usually a mixed one: a little bit of excitement because I think snow is really beautiful, and quite a bit of dread because I absolutely hate cold weather, and I especially cannot stand navigating the snow, ice, and dangerous black ice on the streets and sidewalks of New York. I will also add that snow is especially beautiful when you are nice and warm inside a cozy, heated apartment, with a nice hot drink in hand. And there, you can admire it from the inside out, and the world feels like your own snow globe.

I started noticing the tiny flurries this past weekend. And this afternoon, I noticed them, as well, a bit more furious than this weekend with more intention, almost as if to say, “yep, autumn is gone, and winter is here. deal with the snow!” It’s a different feeling this year, though, with Pookie Bear in my womb, nice and cozy, squirming around in her limited space in the uterus, just waiting to come out into the world. My baby will be a winter baby in the northern hemisphere and a summer baby in the southern hemisphere. No amount of snow or snow flurries could take away the nice warm feeling I get thinking about her pending arrival.

In a lot of cities and towns across the world, when you have friends and family who live just a few blocks from each other, it tends to mean you see each other quite often, whether that’s intentionally planned or by chance. Somehow, when you live in such a densely populated city like New York where people live in these huge high rise buildings with endless units, it’s easy to literally never see familiar people… ever, unless it’s actually planned and scheduled. That’s what it’s like with seeing Chris’s mom’s cousin and his wife and family, who literally live just four blocks from our apartment, but in the last several years of us living in this building, we’ve seen only twice.

Chris’s mom sent an email to her cousin letting him know that I was pregnant, and so he and his wife invited us over for dinner this evening. While I didn’t expect to stay for nearly six hours and until midnight, that’s exactly what happened. We talked about a lot of things, including, of course, the pandemic, the pregnancy, and family. His mom’s cousin and wife are always very warm and welcoming, and his wife has the most infectious, bellowing laugh. From the way they have their house arranged and various items like serving trays and endless ice cream scoops, it’s obvious that pre-pandemic, they are used to hosting and entertaining friends and family often. In fact, a lot of Chris’s family and extended family are like this. I always wonder why my parents are always so standoff-ish and cold at the idea of hosting people over even for something as simple and easy as tea when I am around Chris’s relatives.

I was thinking into the future when we are tentatively planning to bring Pookie Bear to San Francisco to see family and friends, and I was wondering about what the dynamic would be like, if we have friends and family coming in and out of the house to see the baby and how awkward and frustrated that would make my parents. I can already imagine my mom getting stressed out for nothing, thinking about food that needs to be in the house, tea that needs to get served, cups and plates that need to get washed. I’ve always enjoyed hosting people over at my own places I’ve lived, and I clearly do not get that from either parent.

Although I’m about 37.5 weeks pregnant, I still wanted to have a Thanksgiving gathering, so I invited two of my friends and two neighbors over for our meal this evening. Despite being this far along and close to labor, I still feel pretty good. I’ve been lucky in that as of late, the only thing I’m really dealing with is some pain in my butt around my piriformis muscle, which makes me a bit slower, but other than that, my energy level is decent, and I am still happy to be mobile, to exercise, and to move around, even if it is slower. For dinner this evening, I made a slow roasted lamb leg with homemade harissa and garlicky yogurt sauce, roasted orange and pomegranate salmon for my pescatarian friend, roasted garlic mashed potatoes, mushroom, leek, and gruyere bread pudding, brussel sprouts, kale, cabbage salad with pomegranate, apple, almonds, sweet potatoes, and sunflower seeds tossed in a homemade vinaigrette, and sticky date/toffee pudding. My friend brought her spinach broccoli casserole. My other friend had a delivery from Breads Bakery that was supposed to be pumpkin pie and chocolate babka/harvest babka, but the delivery was incorrect, so they ended up sending us these in the end, along with a babka pie and pecan pie. Needless to say, we had way more food than we really needed, and everyone took a doggy bag home.

Everyone usually says they spend Thanksgiving with their families, for better or for worse. That’s usually the time of year people either get really excited to see their families… or they end up having stupid fights about family tensions or politics. My parents don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving anymore and consider it just another day of the year, so I have zero reason to go home. So my new family is Chris and my long time middle school friend, and soon to be out of the uterus Pookie Bear. Everyone else who is at our table is chosen family, a makeshift “urban tribe” of people I care about and want to make feel welcome in our home… and feed. Feeding people always makes me happy. Togetherness with people I care about and food that is delicious is all we really need for Thanksgiving.

One of the more unique things about living in New York City, especially Manhattan, is that most expectant parents will not own a car. That is a very different story than for most Americans in this country, who rely on their car just to travel one block since they probably aren’t used to walking even that little. What that also tends to mean for expectant Manhattan dwelling parents is that they will not have a car to have an infant car seat permanently installed inside of it, which means… well, you either have to get everywhere by foot or train/bus, or you have to get a car seat that doesn’t require a base and get used to installing it quickly just with a seat belt in cabs and Uber/Lyfts/ride shares.

So today, after renting a car to take a trip to Costco for our last major haul before Pookie Bear arrives, we spent the last hour of our Zipcar time figuring out how to install the car seat with the seat belt in multiple ways. It’s definitely not as intuitive or straightforward as I’d like, and we had to try it a few times before (I think?) we got it right. Installing it with a base would be trickier and likely take more time, but given that we don’t own a car and would likely, at most, only use that in Australia when we have access for weeks at a time to a single car, we didn’t really bother with going over the instructions for that.

It likely will be a bit nerve racking doing it for the first trip home from the hospital, but hopefully it will go smoothly and the Uber driver won’t dock our star rating for taking too long. I mean, this WILL be our very first time doing it in real time…

Since we moved into this new apartment in our same building, we haven’t had our magnet boards up in our kitchen as we did in the last apartment. When Chris first attempted to put one up in the last kitchen in 2017, I insisted to him that it was crooked. He didn’t agree and insisted it was straight, and so we had to have our building handyman/friend come to intervene and give his opinion… which was that it was obviously crooked. Since our handyman friend is, well, a handyman, he does this kind of task very quickly and easily, so he graciously and generously installed all three magnet boards for us in our last apartment. So we were waiting for him to come to install these in our new place, too. The only issue is that there are some work politics here where his counterpart has been lazy and handing off a lot of jobs to him, so in the last several months, he hasn’t had time to come visit and hang out, and thus hasn’t had time to help us install the magnet boards. When he was asking me about how my belly was doing and expressing how excited he was to meet our little one soon, I told him that if he wanted to give the baby a gift, he could come install the magnet boards this weekend. And apparently it worked: he showed up! 😀

He put all three of them up, two of them being in our kitchen right where my happy place is, and I couldn’t believe how happy I was to see them up; it just felt like we had really, finally moved in and like our kitchen was actually whole once again! Since he helped put them up, I keep looking up at them to admire all the places we’ve been to, and I can’t wait to continue adding more magnets to the third board in the second bedroom with little Pookie Bear accompanying us soon.

Every year when we put up our Christmas tree, I get excited. We don’t have that many Christmas decorations or items since Chris is very anti-clutter, especially considering that we live in a Manhattan apartment. While we do have more space now given we upgraded units, the storage space has quickly been overtaken by the endless baby items we’ve been gifted, handed down, or bought, and so this has increased Chris’s frustration with clutter. But hey, like Marie Kondo says, if an item is seasonal and “sparks joy” the way our collection of specially curated Christmas ornaments do, then they are worth taking up space even though they are only used at one time during the year.

When I look at all our ornaments every year, I remember all the stories and travels behind them: the Pike Place Market handmade ornament I got during my second trip to Seattle with Ed and our cousin; the handmade ornaments my friends have made for me over the years when we had a DIY gift theme; the handmade and hand painted wooden ornaments from Germany, the mouth blown glass nativity scene ornament from Vienna that I guarded with my life in transit back to the U.S.; the $3 hand knit potato ornament we got from the Canadian Potato Museum in Prince Edward Island; the endless Macy’s ornaments that Ed would get 80 to 90 percent off after Christmas for me because he knew I loved ornaments and Christmas so much. Christmas is nostalgic for me, and our tree’s ornaments are symbolic of many happy moments for me. While it would be great to have a fresh, pine-smelling tree every year, it’s not as great for the environment, and plus… they’re a lot harder to maintain and keep the house clean with. So I’m happy to have a fake tree with my lovely ornaments.