When your toddler tugs at your leg (and heart)

Since my first work trip this year in January when I went to Las Vegas, I decided to start recording short videos of myself to have Chris share with Kaia while I was away. I did the same while in Denver this week, and Chris always says she loves them. Chris also shares videos of Kaia talking about all kinds of things, as well as demanding a “video of mummy.” She was at backup care at her old school today since her current school is closed for parent-teacher conferences today. I got back in time to fully unpack, get dinner ready, and pick her up. She wasn’t expecting me at pickup time, but when she saw me enter the classroom, she wordlessly ran up to me and wrapped her arms around me. Then, she motioned her legs to indicate she wanted me to pick her up. I held her tightly while asking her temporary teacher how her day was, gathered her belongings, and we left.

Pookster didn’t say too much on the way home, but when I asked her if she missed me, she vigorously nodded her head to say yes. And when we got back home to eat dinner together, I had to break the news to her that Chris and I would be going out for a comedy show to see Kumail Nanjiani that evening, so her former teacher/babysitter would be coming to watch her. Unlike last week when she took the news in stride and confidently said she’d show her babysitter her toys and books, this time, she stuck her lower lip out and looked like she was going to cry.

“I don’t WANT mummy to go out and see friends!” Kaia yelled. She always thinks that when Chris and I go out without her, it’s “to see friends.”

Then when the babysitter arrived, Kaia got really upset and started balling. She was sobbing like crazy, demanding endless hugs and kisses from both of us. She kept pulling my leg and saying she wanted to come, too. Chris explained to the babysitter that Kaia hadn’t seen me since Monday morning, and I’d literally just come back about two hours ago. So Pookster only got to see me for less than an hour before I’d leave again. I felt terrible, but there was nothing else to be done. We went out, and Kaia had the evening with the babysitter.

When we got back from our comedy show, the babysitter told us that Kaia eventually calmed down, but she didn’t want to play or read or do anything with her. She lied on our bed for a bit, cuddling “mummy’s sweater.” Then, she demanded the babysitter change her into her pajamas. She got help with peeing in the potty, then went straight to bed alone. I suppose this is Kaia’s way of coping as a three-year-old, when she’s upset she doesn’t get mummy and daddy, but she doesn’t have a say in the matter.

Kaia stayed in her bed until just past 4am, when she walked into our room with her goodie bag and overalls (current obsession, thanks to Ms. Rachel), and tapped my face to wake me up. I pulled her into the bed and under the covers, where she held onto me tighter than she ever has before. It almost felt like she thought that the tighter she held onto me, then I’d never leave her side again. For a while, I just looked at her little face as she peered into my eyes with this huge grin. My baby was so happy to see me and be with me again, and I felt so touched. These are those moments of motherhood where I just feel like I’m going to melt into a pool of joy. These are the moments I look at her and think, wow. I’m just in awe of how someone so small and sweet can fill my heart with such immense love. Kaia Pookie is truly my greatest blessing and joy. I hope she always knows that. I remind her every day before bed.

Later this morning, once Kaia was all ready for school, Chris asked me what time Kaia came over. I told him. “You have to send her back!” he insisted. The last two nights, she apparently didn’t come to the bed at all while I was away. But given it was already past 4am, and given I hadn’t seen her since Monday, I indulged her and enjoyed the moment of snuggling with my sweet baby. Of course, I want to set boundaries with her, but other times, I just want to enjoy the moment and let my Kaia Pookie enjoy her safe place, which is in her parents’ bed, right in between the two people she loves the most.

Fashionista – everywhere in the U.S. except in New York City

I’ve been called a lot of adjectives, positive and negative, over the course of my life. But “fashionable” or “trendy” are not words that I had ever been called until I started working at my last company. When I used to travel to my last company’s headquarters in San Francisco, I would usually be the most dressed up person in a meeting or conference room. I’d walk through a sea of hoodies, Patagonia fleeces, or North Face pullovers. This was also the case while walking on the streets of downtown San Francisco. It’s almost as though no one even attempted to look nice for work and just wanted to give the “I don’t care what I am wearing” vibe off. Everyone just wanted to look like everyone else! It wasn’t even like I was wearing expensive or tailored clothing; I’d just happen to be wearing a dress or a skirt, and everyone would shower me with compliments on how pretty my outfit was. Then, at my current company, we had a team offsite last year in San Francisco. On my team, I was voted one of the most fashionable, which I found laugh-out-loud funny, as that could not be farther from the truth.

I was reminded of this when I went out for coffee yesterday morning in downtown Denver with a colleague. We were at a coffee shop and grabbed our lattes when they were ready. And as we walked out, a woman almost chased me out to tap me on my shoulder.

“Hey! Sorry to bother you, but I absolutely love your boots!” the woman nearly squealed. “Where did you get them from? They are so cute!”

I thanked her for the compliment and told her that they were from Nordstrom and are actually Nordstrom brand, and I’d purchased them last year during a Black Friday sale. Unfortunately, I couldn’t say I got them from some exotic, foreign place custom made and designed, though I’m sure that would have sounded very impressive. She thanked me for letting her know, and my colleague and I went on our merry way back to our workshop.

“No one ever thinks I am fashionable in New York,” I told my colleague from Texas. “I am only ‘fashionable’ when I go to other U.S. cities!”

Ba Xuyen – the OG and best banh mi spot in NYC, still to this day in 2025

When I first moved to New York in June 2008, it took me a while to get my bearings here. I had to figure out what my staple spots for go-to dishes would be. One of those “go-to” meals had to be a banh mi, which is the best damn sandwich in the world. There is no one who could possibly convince me otherwise. The ideal banh mi consists of a crisp but soft, airy, feathery light baguette stuffed with various cold cuts, head cheese, cha lua; it is accompanied with thick layers of pork/chicken based pate, house-made mayonnaise, chilies, fresh cilantro, and pickled daikon and carrot, and there you the best sandwich in the entire freaking world. It has all the key flavor elements and textures: savory, salty, sweet, sour, crispy, crunchy, creamy, soft, airy. My mouth is watering just writing all these adjectives out.

I tried a few reputed banh mi spots in Manhattan. They all fell flat. I kind of gave up hope until I really went down a Google rabbit hole and started looking in other Asian areas outside of Manhattan. And then, in the winter of 2008-2009, I found what I later found out would be my go-to banh mi in all of New York City, if not all of the U.S.: It was at Ba Xuyen right on the edge of Brooklyn Chinatown out in Sunset Park. It was over an hour subway ride from where I had lived then, in Elmhurst, but it was love at first bite and worth every minute of that long commute. My loyalty to this banh mi has never swayed while living here in New York. While some spots like Banh Mi Co Ut in Manhattan Chinatown and Joju (in Elmhurst, Midtown East, and now Upper East Side, which by the way, consciously modeled their baguette after Ba Xuyen) have come close, they haven’t quite hit the same mark that Ba Xuyen does. And just to add to Ba Xuyen’s state of incredible is that they have consistently always made the most delicious durian, jackfruit, papaya, and other fruit smoothies, along with excellent Vietnamese style iced coffee; they make their own perfect cha lua (which I ALWAYS buy when I go there to stock my freezer), and endless seasonal/timely Vietnamese snacks, such as banh da lon (Vietnamese mung bean and pandan layer cake), banh it tran (savory glutinous rice balls filled with pork, mung bean, and shrimp), banh beo (mini rice cakes topped with shrimp), amongst many other Vietnamese bakery delights that were originally snacks and meals fit for Vietnamese royalty. If you get there early enough, all their snacks are still steaming hot upon purchase as they are freshly made.

I introduced Chris to Ba Xuyen within the first year of our relationship. Of course, he was immediately hooked and silently (through eating) agreed that my declaration that this was the best New York City banh mi was, in fact, correct. He even dragged his parents out to Sunset Park for Ba Xuyen banh mi at least twice, once without my even being there last year! I’ve been a huge supporter of Ba Xuyen and will sing their praises to literally anyone who is even remotely into Vietnamese food or banh mi. It’s crazy to think how far I’ve come in my 16-year long relationship with them. Back in February 2009, which I think is when I first had them, the banh mi was only $3.75. I have no idea how they operated with such low prices back then. Today, their special banh mi (#1) is $8, which is still a total steal given all the crazy inflation we’ve been experiencing. I am happy to say that my relationship with Ba Xuyen has been alive almost as long as I’ve been a NYC resident. And it will continue to be a love that I am quite devoted to. Even now, Kaia is obsessed. When we went today, she initially protested and said she wanted no banh mi. Then of course, as we waited for our sandwiches to be made, she insisted on standing to wait with me. And finally, when the banh mi were ready to eat, she dug in and demanded more meat and bread! She is definitely part of our Ba Xuyen loving banh mi family.

“Haute” Chinese cuisine at Yingtao NYC

Last night, Chris and I went out for an early nine-year wedding anniversary celebration at Yingtao NYC. The restaurant is a short walk from our building, and I was aware of it since even before it opened. Given it’s in our neighborhood, when I would go on walks during the day, I immediately noticed the stylized Chinese writing spelling out “ying tao” or “cherry” in Chinese. I figured it would be some fine dining establishment only open in the evenings. Yingtao finally opened in December 2023, so it’s been about a year and three months of being in existence. The owner is originally from China and had also lived in New Zealand before coming to California and finally New York for school. The cuisine is clearly Chinese, but with lots of regional influences from Xi’an, Shanghai, Guangdong/Hong Kong, and Sichuan. It’s a bit of Chinese meets European/French/Polish, and the more I read reviews about the place and all the restaurant review write-ups about Yingtao, the more I wanted to finally come here. Since Kaia has been born, we’ve really only gotten a babysitter for comedy or theater, plus two parties. The only time we’ve gotten a babysitter for a meal out has been for my birthday two years ago, and our former nanny looked after Kaia. So this is the first time in ages when we’ve gone out, just the two of us, for a fancy meal. And it most definitely exceeded all expectations and was beyond worth it.

To sit in the dining room of Yingtao, everyone has to opt into their tasting menu, which is 10 courses: three starters/appetizers, four mains, and three desserts. You also have the option to add supplements to certain courses, as well as to add items from the a la carte/bar menu. In addition to our ten courses, we also had an eleventh bonus since Chris shared with the team that it was our anniversary: they gave us a fourth dessert from the bar menu, which was an incredibly rich and moussy ube cheesecake with a red shiso sorbet.

Every course was memorable and well executed, but I will say that the most memorable bites for me were the tuna with black vinegar, giner, and kumquat; the Royal Reds with flavors of “kou shui ji” or “mouth water chicken;” the wagyu with mizune, carrot, and doubanjiang; the snapper with milk broth, doufupi (tofu skins), and goji berries; and the rose with greek yogurt and lychee. The tuna had an interesting sweet-savory-smokey complexity going on, and I figured it must be due to the black vinegar used. When I asked the server what kind of vinegar was in the dish, she immediately presented a 10-year aged bottle of Baoning black vinegar, which I had previously been eyeing on TheMalaMarket.com, as they are the exclusive importer of this vinegar in the U.S. I knew I had to have this vinegar. What most people do not realize about Chinese culinary traditions is that a lot of fermented foods like vinegar take the same love, labor, and intensity as the most well known, respected, and pricey Italian balsamic vinegars. It’s just that most of society is quite prejudiced and has historically respected European food traditions more than Eastern ones. The wagyu was made with a very complex and savory doubanjiang (Sichuan chili bean paste), and no surprise that when I asked to see the paste, the server once again brought out a packaged paste that was also from TheMalaMarket.com, aged three years and also something I had looked at! We also loved the tempranillo wine that Chris ordered, and then were introduced to a taste of a different (and very unique) California grown tempranillo that finally made Chris feel impressed when drinking a U.S.-made wine. It was like a night of learning at Yingtao for the both of us. We left very happy, very full, and with plans for future home purchases to stock our pantry and alcohol reserves.

We took photos of both bottles of wine. I also made a note of the fancy black vinegar and doubanjiang. While I am eager to try these in my own cooking, I cannot help but wonder how they will make my far-cheaper versions of black vinegar and Sichuan doubanjiang at home feel when they get neglected in favor of these fancy, super complex versions. That’s the thing: literally having a taste of finer, nicer things can really ruin all the regular, everyday things for you. If there were just a few words I’d use to sum up this Yingtao dining experience, it would be these: complex, layers and layers of flavor.

Kaia expresses empathy publicly on the subway

On the ride home from school today, there was a woman on the subway who was asking for hygiene items like pads, tampons, lotion, soap, etc. She shared that she had just left her home and an abusive partner, who was so brutal to her that he knocked out several of her front teeth. It was undeniable that she’d been abused and battered just looking at her. Even if you couldn’t see she was missing front teeth, you could clearly tell from her voice that she was likely missing something in her mouth. She said she’d appreciate anything we had to give. I immediately took out all the backup pads, underwear liners, and lotion from my purse and motioned to her to hand these to her. She came over and thanked me profusely, while also looking over at Kaia and saying how sweet and adorable she was.

“You have a blessed child!” the woman said to me.

Kaia started peering over at her as soon as she started talking publicly on the train to tell everyone her situation. She gave her a sad look, then suddenly started raising her voice and shouting, “Why can’t everyone have a chance? Everyone should have a chance! EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A CHANCE!”

I want to assume that Kaia somewhat understood what was happening here, that she could tell this woman was not in a good place and that she truly did need help. But when Pookster started shouting these words at the top of her lungs, I was shocked to see that her words actually did match the situation. It was as though, even though my sweet baby is only three years old, she could feel empathy and somewhat understand this situation, that she really felt sorry for this woman and wanted to console. I hope she always exudes empathy for those in need, my sweet Pookster.

Kids events in NYC – plenty are free, as long as you keep track and jump on them!

One of the greatest things about living in New York City and raising kids is the fact that there are endless playgrounds and kid-related activities — as long as you do the research, know where to look, and also jump on events quickly! Most of the free or low-cost events are, predictably, very high in demand and popular, so for you to get tickets to these events will require you to be on all the email or text lists and to act on them almost immediately. In the last couple of years, I’d been more on top of keeping up with Lincoln Center free or low cost events for Kaia in mind, but this year, I haven’t been as good about checking their website and opening all their emails in a timely manner. My friend, who has a child who is a similar age to Kaia, told me today that there was a new Beethoven kids event at the Chamber Music Society at Lincoln Center for May that he and his wife would be interested in taking their toddler to, and asked if I’d be interested. I saw that there was a steep processing fee to book the tickets online, so I called the venue to ask if I could go to the box office to get around the processing fees. She told me that I could actually forgo the processing fees if I just booked with her on the phone right there. But I wasn’t sure if my friend had a specific time in mind, or if he had purchased their tickets yet. So I asked her how many tickets were remaining. Well, the seating that my friend originally wanted had only TWO tickets left (there are five of us!), and the seating before had five left, which would have been an exact fit. The first performance of the day at 11am had already sold out. And this event had just been socialized the day before!

I ended up booking all five of our tickets for the 1pm showing on that May date. But it just goes to show how quick anything that is both kid-related and low-cost/free will go here in New York City. There’s always seemingly someone else who is more click-happy than you are!

Cool moms and their kids who think they’re cool enough to go out with

The other day, I was on the train bringing Kaia home from school when we sat diagonally across from an older mom and her teenage daughter. Kaia was being cheeky as per usual, so when she found out that I hadn’t packed any mandarins for her (her usual train snack, which she clearly now just expects), she got annoyed and kept turning away from me. At one point, she even tried to leave her seat next to me to go to another seat. The mom and her daughter were watching us, and the mom gave me a sympathetic look.

“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but that wasn’t too long ago for me!” she exclaimed with a smile. “And that little rebellion doesn’t end at that age, either!”

When Kaia realized she was getting attention from this mom and her daughter, she coyly walked back and started smiling and giggling at them. She got back on the seat next to me and kept turning towards them.

They both explained that they were headed to the teenage daughter’s very first concert. The mom was nervous, so she didn’t want her daughter going without her with just friends. I asked if friends would be joining them at the venue new Rockefeller Center, and the daughter said, “No, it’s just my mom and me!”

I marveled at this and said this to them. “Wow, your first concert is going to be with your mom! I hope that when my daughter is your age that she thinks I’m cool enough to go with her to a concert, and without any friends coming along!”

They both laughed. “I do try!” the mom said, wrapping her arm around her daughter’s shoulders.

I really did mean that, though. I do hope that when Kaia is a teen that we don’t have that stereotypical teenage angst-filled love-hate relationship with each other. I hope she knows she can lean on me and tell me anything, and that she thinks I’m “cool” enough to be seen with her in public, even to attend concerts and shows with. I hope that really does happen.

Krob Kreung Krob Ros for Thai food in Astoria, Queens

I am pretty certain that New York City is the most diverse city in the entire freaking world. The number of languages that are spoken here, especially in Queens, is somewhere as high as 800, the diversity of the socioeconomic demographics is vast, and the variety of cuisines across all its restaurants is likely unsurpassed in the entire world. Of course, that’s my unscientific, no-data backed opinion, but I know that when and if we leave New York City one day, I will be very sad to say goodbye to this diversity in every sense of the word.

Today, during our Saturday food crawl, we were in Astoria, Queens, where we had lunch at Krob Kreung Krob Ros. The name signifies the perfect balance of Thai flavors: sour, sweet, creamy, and salty. The owners opened this spot for those who miss authentic flavors of home-cooked Thai meals, and for those seeking genuine Thai cuisine. So many of the dishes on the menu were things I’d either never seen before or had seen quite sparingly, even across Queens Thai restaurants, which are already quite representative of authentic Thai cuisine. We had tod mun hua plee, or banana blossoms tossed in a red curry and fried into fritters, and a pik kai tod kra thiam, which were fried marinated chicken wings with fried garlic that were unlike any other chicken wings I’d had in my life. The banana blossoms were crunchy on the outside and deliciously meaty inside. The fried chicken wings had a really thin, crunchy breading that was deeply satisfying to bite into. One particularly notable dish was the som tam tod, a friend papaya and carrot salad. The papaya and carrot pieces come out coated in a deep fried batter, and you take each piece by hand and dip it into the sweet, sour, salty lime-based dressing. We had definitely never had that before! We probably overdid it with the fried items, but they were all so unique and different from even the Thai food we usually order that is not pad thai or red curry.

I also really enjoyed the khao hor bai bua siam, the lotus leaf wrapped sticky rice with sweet pork sausage, scallop, jumbo shrimp, shiitake mushroom, salted egg yolk, and cilantro. The rice had a really nice, savory, meaty flavor, and it was really fragrant from being steamed in the lotus leaf. It reminded me of the Thai take of zongzi, or Chinese tamales.

Little gems like Krob Kreung Krob Ros is why I love New York City so much; just when you think you might be tired of it here, a new interesting, homely restaurant opens up to wow your senses and taste buds.

Catchup at Paper Sons Cafe

Since Kaia is going to school in Manhattan Chinatown, it means I have more reasons to be down there and explore new cafes, bakeries, and restaurants. And since I have a work perk that enables me access to coworking spaces throughout the city four times a month, my goal is to work in the area about once a week to get some space from the apartment, and also explore the area. It’s also a good opportunity for me to catch up with friends who have flexible schedules and could meet for a coffee or lunch during the week.

Paper Sons Cafe opened last summer. I came here this afternoon for matcha lattes and a catchup with a friend. The name of the cafe immediately brought a smile to my face when I found out about them via the Welcome to Chinatown Instagram handle because it reminded me of all the stories of “paper sons” in my childhood. My uncles, aunts, and grandma would talk about how they needed someone to come to the U.S. from China, so they’d pretend that so-and-so was their “paper son” or “paper daughter,” and then they’d have the ability to come over. Back when I was a young child, I had no idea about the complexities of immigration, nor did I understand the need to fake one’s family lineage for the sake of immigration. But now as an adult, I do enjoy hearing these stories of sacrifices that families made for their other loved one’s families in hopes of giving the next generation a better life.

The sad thing, though, about a “better life” in the U.S. today, is that I am honestly not quite so sure it really is a better life anymore. The cost of living is rising like crazy, where even a household of two working professionals cannot seem to afford a home easily without their parents’ help. The quality of schools here is poor when you compare our achievements stats to other westernized countries. The sheer intelligence of our population is declining, as made evident when you hear how few people here can read beyond a sixth grade level. And that’s before you even mention the normalizing of gun violence and prioritizing gun ownership over the safety of children. I am not sure that the country the U.S. today is the same country my paternal grandparents would have been happy to immigrate to.

A replaced fridge and a cracked bamboo kitchen floor

Last week, we had an incident where the fridge just stopped working. Luckily, we were home and caught it in time, so none of our food went bad. We live in a luxury rental building, so they replaced the fridge with a spare within the same day. Unfortunately, these refrigerators are so heavy that when the handyman and the porter were moving it, they lost balance and a corner of the fridge slammed down pretty hard on our kitchen floor, resulting in a big hole in one of the bamboo floor boards. They told us they would replace it. Well… they definitely took their time on this. They said someone would come today, and alas, the handyman never showed up. The hole is in a really awkward area where we’d inevitably need to step while getting in and out of the kitchen.

The great thing about renting and not owning is that we aren’t responsible for sourcing or paying for help ourselves directly, nor are we responsible for the costs or replacements of things like the fridge or bamboo floor boards. The annoying thing about renting is that you are really operating at the whim of your landlord or building management, and when they drag their feet on things, you literally just have to wait.