Category Archives: Contemplations on New York Life

Quick Indian cooking

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I’ve really been getting into the Food52 blog for all of their creative cooking ideas and ways to make cooking more approachable and realistic for people who work full time. One article that really piqued my interest was about how to create quick Indian meals. “Quick” and “Indian” for food rarely is heard in the same sentence because most Indian dishes demand 20-plus ingredients and/or 10-plus steps that could take days and days. And if not days and days, then a dish would require at least a full afternoon of cooking. This recipe I found for a simple Indian tomato curry base is pretty genius. It takes all the prep work of the tomatoes, aromatics and curry base and allows you to have them pre-prepared, if that makes sense, kind of the way you have jarred sauces in your fridge. You can store them in individual portions in your fridge or freezer depending on when you want to use them, and then when you take them out to use, you can have a meal on the table in less than 30 minutes. Tonight, I used the curry base, after defrosting from the freezer, to make chicken jalfrezi in less than 30 minutes. I had a really proud moment tonight looking at the pot when I finished cooking, and then I glanced at the clock to see that not even half an hour had passed since I heated the pan.

“You were in SWITZERLAND?”

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I caught up with my colleagues today in the morning, and they were all surprised that I was in Switzerland last week. I didn’t tell any of them that I was going to be in Switzerland the week of Thanksgiving; I just told them that I’d be working remotely.

“When you Slacked me and told me that you were in Geneva, I thought, ‘she’s in Switzerland?!’ But then for a second, I kept wondering if there was some city domestically that was also Geneva that I just wasn’t sure about,” my colleague said while laughing. I guess she was probably thinking of those odd cities like Melbourne in Florida or Paris in Texas. Another colleague, who spent last week in Rio and who I gave extensive Rio tips to, said she was shocked I didn’t tell her I was taking an international trip. “Why didn’t you say anything about that?” she exclaimed to me.

I guess outside of one or two trips each year, I’ve gotten to a point where I’ve stopped sharing where I am going unless colleagues explicitly ask me. It’s not that I don’t want to share or talk about it; I love talking about travel and things I’ve seen and what I am planning to do. It’s more that I just don’t like to deal with the negative or passive aggressive responses I get, which range anywhere from, “How do you get any work done?” to “How do you have time to take vacations?” to “Wow, your fiance must do really well for himself! (which is a very passive aggressive way of implying that there is absolutely no way I’d be able to afford this travel all by myself on my own salary, which frankly, is wrong).”

Part of life, as I am slowly and painfully learning, is that I cannot share everything I want to share with others and expect them to be happy for me or care or be anywhere as enthusiastic as I am about whatever it is. A lot of resentment, anger, and jealousy is everywhere, and part of my goal is to limit my exposure to that as much as possible, especially with people who I don’t care about at all.

Basel Christmas markets

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We spent the day exploring the beautiful capital city of Bern, complete with a visit to the rosengarten to see the sweeping view of this well preserved city, Einstein’s apartment, and Zentrum Paul Klee. In the evening, we took the train from Bern to Basel, where we wandered through several of its ornate Christmas markets that are reputed to be the best in Switzerland. The Christmas markets there were quite buzzing, with huge crowds and lots of happy people drinking their gluwein and other alcoholic spiced drinks.

As we drank gluwein out of our little 2015 Basel boot mugs, Chris lamented how the Union Square holiday market was sorely lacking, not just in the goods being sold but also in the alcohol area. There actually is an area where you can drink at the holiday market there, but it’s roped off and you have to stay within that area to consume your alcoholic beverage. “That sucks,” Chris sneered. He insisted the whole glory of these Christmas markets in Europe is that you can freely wander around the markets with your alcoholic beverage and not have to worry about going over some dumb border line. We even noticed kids who were clearly under the legal drinking age serving us our mulled wine. That would definitely never happen anywhere back home.

I suppose another major reason that we travel is to experience culture and life that we don’t get exposure to back home, and in this specific case, it means being able to drink without boundaries at an innocent Christmas market. Whereas back home, they would be terrified of people doing this, giving alcohol to minors, and people getting drunk, throwing up, and perhaps engaging in lewd conduct, here in Switzerland, everyone is seemingly drinking responsibly and simply enjoying life. Enjoying life seems to be harder in the alcoholic regard back home.

Birthday brunch and babies

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Today, we went to my semi new friend’s birthday brunch, where we learned that she is four months pregnant with her second child, which will be a girl. At the brunch were a number of new parents with babies who were anywhere from two years to three- or four-months old. This was an adult brunch, so the babies were left at home with either their other parents or grandparents.

As I am about to enter my thirties, I realize that friends I inevitably will end up making will be pregnant, have children, and already be well past the stage of being single, or engaged and getting married and planning weddings. We sat at brunch and listened to three different parents discussing their lack of sleep, parenting and babies how-to books and the techniques they were learning. I tried to follow along and show interest, but the more I listened, the more ill I felt. Is this really my future — having babies and discussing over two hours the ins and outs of experimenting on different “get your baby to sleep quickly” methods? I sympathize with their lack of sleep and desire to seek advice and tips from the others. I think every parent needs some sort of official or unofficial support group to get through parenthood, especially when the babies are so young that they can’t communicate their feelings with you.

The funny and fitting thing was that when we came home, Chris turned on Everybody Loves Raymond, and the episode was when Debra and Raymond go out to celebrate an anniversary, and they realize they have absolutely nothing to talk about other than their kids. That’s really one of my absolute nightmares, that I will turn into one of those parents who can only talk about her kids. I even hear new parents say that and catch themselves blabbering on and on about their own kids. I admire even more parents who have young children and are able to keep an active social life and career and have opinions and activities outside of parenting and children. It’s literally a very, very full calendar for them.

Gynecologist visit

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I went to see my gynecologist this afternoon for my dreaded annual exam. I feel like in the last several years that I’ve gone to see her, she’s been waiting for me to tell her that I am either trying to get pregnant or want to get pregnant, or maybe am pregnant!

“So, thinking about babies soon?” She asks, smiling warmly with eager eyes.

“No, not yet,” I said, smiling even more warmly back, thinking, thank God I don’t have any brats screaming around yet to ruin my peace of mind.

“I’m sure your parents must be asking or wondering,” she said. My gynecologist is Chinese American. “Asian moms always love to put the pressure on!”

“Yes, they certainly do, and she does do that quite a bit,” I responded. And what I didn’t reply with and was thinking was, and so do Asian gynecologists!

It’s like the world is waiting for me to announce I am pregnant or want to be pregnant. I’m turning 30 in about two months, and they all want to remind me in some way or another. Why don’t men have to get this type of pressure?

 

Thanksgiving

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I get annoyed when people use the term “friendsgiving.” It’s like a new term that’s not even recognized by the dictionary that everyone wants to use when they are having a big get-together with friends that involves a roasted turkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing. Why can’t we just call it “Thanksgiving?” Maybe the “family” I think about when it comes to Thanksgiving are the friends I invite over because my own family doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving since they think it’s against the Jehovah’s Witnesses belief? I personally think the whole idea of being against celebrating Thanksgiving is so stupid and pointless. I understand people not wanting to celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah or Passover, but with Thanksgiving, it’s not even remotely religious. It’s just a meal that gathers family and oftentimes friends around foods like turkey and stuffing. What is the big deal here, and why on earth would it be considered against God? Sometimes I think that weak people just need to be told what to do and not do because they can’t be smart enough to think for themselves.

And if I want to call my Thanksgiving with friends a real Thanksgiving, I will. It’s the only Thanksgiving I get, and it’s my making (literally nine dishes this year plus an apartment to clean), so I can call it what I want to and correct people when they tell me that I’m hosting a “friendsgiving.” Family is what you make of it, blood relations or not.

Mentoring children

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Last year, I started volunteering at two mentoring programs for two different organizations. The first group paired me up with a ninth grader, and ideally I’d follow her until she graduated from high school. I’m still participating in this program this school year. The second group was to mentor fourth and fifth graders, and unfortunately because the program was so disorganized, I never got paired up with a nine or ten-year-old the way I was supposed to. This week, I decided to let the program coordinator know I would not be returning this school year. Even though the second program was disorganized, I realized another reason I didn’t want to continue with it was because I didn’t really like kids that young. They just bother me. There was no structure to the program, but when we did chat, I realize it was really hard to pretend to be interested in these kids’ thoughts and what they were interested in. I felt like I was adding no value to their lives, so I ended my commitment to the program.

I was hesitant when I first started it, as I thought that age group may be too young for me, but now I know it will definitely not be a fit. It’s better to be honest with yourself rather than delude yourself into thinking you will make a difference in their lives when you not only are not making a difference, but also just dislike the entire act of going and being there. I may not be a fit for them, but I’m sure others can and will be.

Coffee catch up

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I met with my former boss’s boss for coffee this afternoon. We reconnected when I found out he lost his wife, who was a nonsmoker, to lung cancer two months ago. He knew about Ed, too, so inevitably a big part of our catch up was about loss, grief, and how to deal with everyone else and their reactions to moving forward with life without the ones we love. He has a 4.5-year-old son who seems very emotionally mature for his age and seems to understand everything that has happened, so that’s an added layer of difficulty for him as a single parent now.

We talked about how when tragedies like this happen how quickly people advise you to seek therapy or professional help. “I don’t know that I even believe in that, so I don’t think it’s a smart thing to do to just jump right into it without first thinking through what you are trying to get out of seeking professional help,” he said to me. He’s a very introspective person, so it makes sense that he would first try to think about his actions before proceeding. I got mad about that, too, when Ed passed away. I hated it when my friends told me that I needed to get help. I know that part of them just wanted the best for me, but part of me also felt it was their way of saying they didn’t want to hear me and my sob stories anymore. I’m sure it came from a place of simply lack of understanding, and even partially lack of desire and energy to understand. You can’t expect any friend to be everything to you. And sadly, as I’ve gotten older, I feel like I expect less and less because I’ve been disappointed a lot.

I didn’t see anyone until four months later, and at that point, I’d thought long and hard about what I wanted to get out of this. And it had less to do with Ed as it did dealing with our massively dysfunctional family.

People are so stupid when it comes to tragedies. All we want is a little love, and then we get told to get help elsewhere.

Thai in Midtown East

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Tonight, Chris and I went to his friend’s apartment in Midtown East and ate takeout Thai with a bunch of their mutual friends. Two of the friends were relatively new, so one of the friends was describing how we’d all met and how our lives have changed over the last four years since they met. We’re engaged, one of them is married and has a child on the way, and two of them are “the same,” as in, single without any realistic prospects for romantic relationships in the near future. This isn’t really the future that the three of them had envisioned for themselves four years ago.

Chris’s pregnant friend is actually due the week after our wedding, which pretty much means that she and her husband won’t be able to come. It’s a sad truth, but that’s life. We can’t all coordinate our lives to make sure we can always be there for each other at our biggest life moments. It makes me sad, but it’s just another reminder that we should all just live our own lives and stop living it for other people or around other people’s schedules.

Apartment prep

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We’re prepping the apartment for our guests who will be staying at our apartment while we are in France. The nice thing about having guests while you are away is that you are forced to have a reason to clean your apartment and make it tidy. The bad thing about having guests while you are away is that you are forced to have a reason to clean your apartment and make it tidy. Sometimes, you really just want to pack and get the heck out and not clean every speck of dust and make sure the bath tub is shiny before you leave.

AirBnB insures your apartment for about a million dollars when you have a guest staying over, but I still get a little worried before every guest comes, even if it’s not super rational, because I think of the things that don’t necessarily cost a lot of money but have a lot of sentimental value. These are things that if they were to break, I’d get really upset. The things I think about are things like my Disney World It’s a Small World mug. It probably cost no more than ten bucks, but I get really antsy when I think of someone dropping it. I think about the German and Austrian gingerbread-like houses we bought in Europe during the last two Thanksgivings, and I think of them shattering to pieces.

I still put away the mug into my underwear drawer before the guests come. It’s slightly paranoid, but I do it anyway. I’ll continue to do this.