Monthly Archives: May 2025

Long weekend with the in-laws to Rhode Island, with an important stop in New Haven on the way

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One of the things I loved about the East Coast when I first moved here was how easy it was to state hop. Depending on where you are, it could take an hour or even less to get to another state. It could take 20 minutes to take the PATH train from Manhattan into Hoboken or Jersey City. It could take a couple hours by car, train, or bus to get from Massachusetts to New Hampshire or Rhode Island. Maine can be done as a day trip from many places in Massachusetts. California is a large and long state; it wasn’t as easy to do that living there. So all these small states in the northeastern part of the U.S. always fascinated me. I tried to take advantage and see as much as I could of the northeast, while also lamenting that so many people who live here have zero curiosity about neighboring states and people.

At this point, Chris’s parents have most likely seen more of New York City than most New Yorkers. They have definitely seen more of the U.S. than most Americans. They take side trips on their own through the U.S. when they come visit us, but they also get taken on side trips, sometime via road, other times via plane, by us. In recent years with Kaia, we’ve always done a road trip and rented a car. This year, Chris decided on Rhode Island. So it will be our first time back in the smallest state of the country since August 2013.

On our way there, we stopped in New Haven, Connecticut, for some apizza. Little do many people outside of Connecticut know, but New Haven is oftentimes thought of as the pizza or “apizza” capital of the United States (New Yorkers and Jersey people most definitely debate this). New Haven style pizza consists of thin-crust, coal-fired Neopolitan pizza. And one of my most favorite pizzas in all the world is most definitely the white clam pizza: it’s pizza with oregano, grated cheese, chopped garlic, fresh littleneck clams. It does not have tomato sauce, which is why it’s called a “white pie,” and it’s just freaking perfect. Littleneck clams with garlic and cheese is like a menage a trois that dreams are made of. Our first time to New Haven was in November 2020 during the pandemic. We did a day trip to New Haven and went to the three most well known New Haven style pizza joints: Frank Pepe, Sally’s Apizza, and Modern Apizza. We went to Modern last in that visit, which meant that we had already had so much pizza that we didn’t quite appreciate it as much, so we went to Modern as our only pizza stop on this visit. We got the white clam pizza with a small margherita, and amongst the five of us, we left satisfied, yet not stuffed. The pizza was even more delicious than I remember it, with a crust so crunchy yet chewy that I could easily have just eaten the pizza topping-less, and I still would have been happy.

We spent the evening in Fox Point in Providence, where we ate at Dune Brothers Seafood, their first location that has indoor seating (though tiny). I had whole scup fish (porgy!) for the first time and enjoyed it – the fattiness and texture almost reminded me of bluefish (though no one on the internet seems to agree with my assessment). Kaia devoured the littleneck clams appetizer all by herself; she’s most definitely a clam loving baby and enjoys the thrill of opening the clams and pulling them out of the shells. But what was the even bigger highlight of dinner was the indulgent lobster roll Chris and I shared. I always prefer Connecticut style lobster roll (always warm, dunked in butter, on a toasted bun) over Maine style (chilled lobster meat, dressed in mayo with crunchy greens). This lobster roll was stuffed to the brim with huge chunks of both claw AND tail meat, warmed in butter along with various tasty spices; it was likely one of my all-time favorite lobster rolls next to Neptune Oyster in Boston. Though Neptune makes what is likely the best lobster roll in all of the US, I will never go back there because to this day, I remember it as of the very worst dining experiences of my life. I still remember being so angry about how rude the service was that I actually tipped them 11 percent (WHICH I NEVER DO).

And if that was not enough eating, down the street from Dune Brothers was this cute Aleppo Sweets Cafe I had on my list. They won a best new restaurants award in Providence in 2019 and look to be family owned. Though they have a full menu for lunch and dinner, we just went for after dinner caffeinated drinks and desserts. This place is clearly popular with locals because almost everyone around us walking down the street behind us also went into this place! We had a good start to our visit when Kaia ran into the florist shop next door (which I think are owned by the same people). The florist there was so kind that he gave her a fresh, long-stemmed iris, which captivated Kaia; she was so obsessed with her new fresh flower! We sat down at a table and enjoyed Arabic coffee, very strong ginger-cardamom-mint tea in a beautiful and large copper tea pot (brought back from Syria, and funnily enough, NOT for sale, as Chris’s dad liked it so much he asked if he could buy one!), and four different types of baklava and Syrian semolina cake. We loved the ambiance, furniture, decor, and the tea and coffee ware a lot, but the sweets were very surprising. They were stuffed to the brim with pistachios, but the shocking thing about them was that they were not too sweet. And I don’t think in my entire life I have ever described any baklava as “not too sweet,” or really, they were “just sweet enough.” They weren’t swimming or soaked to the brim in sugar. They didn’t make my teeth hurt like some of the Greek or Turkish spots we’ve had them from in Astoria or Bay Ridge. I subsequently read that this characteristic of being “not too sweet” is a defining trait of Syrian baklava and desserts. I am tempted to figure out how to recreate this Syrian harisa semolina cake at home and ensure it’s “just sweet enough.” It was so delicious and lightly spiced with cinnamon and vanilla. We shared four different types, so each of us had a bite each of the desserts, and amazingly, I think I could have had more bites and not felt overly sweetened or stuffed. I still cannot believe how long we talked about the copper tea pot…

There’s so much good food and culture all over the U.S. that it would be quite a shame (and loss) to just stay in one part or place forever and not experience all this richness and fun.

Twirl, twirl, plus pig tails, nail polish, and earrings

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My earliest memory of wearing nail polish is likely when I was about five years old. My aunt, who lived upstairs from us, used to always paint her nails some shade ranging from pink to red; magenta was a common color she painted both her finger and toenails. My mom was never into it, but as soon as I saw my aunt wearing it, I wanted to have it. I asked for it endlessly until my mom relented. So, once my mom said okay, my aunt would indulge me and occasionally paint my finger nails. I remember being completely obsessed with it and just staring at my nails for ages, thinking they were the prettiest things ever. And then my mind got blown when I started school and towards my later elementary school years, classmates would come to school with green or blue or OMG, purple glitter nail polish!

So, I guess Kaia is now reaching that age where she wants a little of everything that is stereotypically girly girl. She twirls endlessly and stares at herself in the mirror when she gets a new dress, skirt, or hairdo. The more pink and purple, the better. And if there is something glittery or sparkly, she is all over it. When I got her new pink jelly summer sandals that have silver glitter in them, she refused to take them off after trying them on and had the biggest tantrum when I pulled them off (It was too cold to wear that day). She has been asking repeatedly for pink or purple nail polish, which I am very reluctant to do because a) the chemicals and b) can she seriously sit still long enough to allow it dry properly… because there’s no way I am dealing with a nail polish mess (that’s a REAL MESS) everywhere?! I know a few of her classmates wear nail polish, and at this age, it’s all about, “if they have it, I want it, too!” Even her desire for her hairstyles comes from her classmates: some days, she wants a pony tail. Other day, she demands pigtails or braids. Occasionally, she will say she wants her hair down (which is never allowed because it will get everywhere and annoy her!).

Kaia has also been asking about my earrings. She loves playing with them. The more dangly, the more she stares and tries to grab them. She’s not really at the age where she understands what ear piercing entails, though she keeps saying she wants her ears pierced. I am debating on waiting until she understands the concept of ear piercing = pain and management before actually going to have her ears pierced. I thought maybe we’d do it for her 4th birthday… but will she actually understand the reason for the pain and how we have to treat her ear holes every day? I’m not sure.

These are cute, “female” things to grapple with when you are raising a little girl. Yes, of course it would be fine if we had a boy and he wanted these things, but these questions/desires are socially constructed as “feminine” and therefore accepted as girl problems or situations. Although lots of situations will come up that will be extremely challenging and make all this look like nothing, I’ve actually enjoyed thinking about it and thinking about how I will handle it all. I just hope she doesn’t look back and think I was overly strict, but rather thoughtful about how I’d approach her.

The melted microwave cover

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Whenever there are other people over, and when Kaia is around, it’s pretty much inevitable that at some point, accidents are going to happen. When Chris’s parents came back from their side trip to Asheville, North Carolina, yesterday, I had prepared some steamed scallops with glass noodles. I had the steamer setup on the main front right burner and the sauce to pour over the scallops on the left burner. Both burners were on; the sauce was on simmer, while the steamer setup was on medium-high. When I shut the steamer setup off, I took the saucepan with the scallop sauce off the left burner, but I forgot to shut the flame off. I had originally left it on because I wanted to makes sure the sauce was still hot when I poured it over the scallops and noodles. Chris has this habit (which I hate) of resting the silicone and plastic microwave cover on one of the burners whenever he finishes microwaving things. I always either tell him to move it, or more often, I just remove it from the top of the burner. He almost never cooks, and he has little awareness of which burner(s) I may have used, so it’s always a potentially dangerous situation even if the burners are off due to residual heat.

Well, that dangerous situation actually happened on Tuesday evening. The microwave cover was left on the still-on-simmer left side burner, and suddenly, I saw smoke rising into the air and smelled something plasticky burning. Alarmed, I rose and immediately went to the stove to find out that alas, the microwave cover was melting atop the still-on left burner. I shut it off and blasted the fan on. Chris spent some time scraping off the melted plastic/silicone and opened as many windows as he could to get that burning smell out.

Things like this rarely happen with us because we take pretty good care of our things. Before Kaia, we also pretty much never lost any of our items. But at least the microwave cover is cheap and easily and quickly replaced. The moral of the story is: two wrongs never make a right, especially when it comes to fire.

Trader Joe’s strawberry candy belts – a reminder of childhood in a bite

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I was at Trader Joe’s yesterday passing the sample station when I noticed that there was a very familiar candy item on offer: they are calling them sour strawberry candy belts. They are essentially long, wide belt-like strips of gummy candies that are both sweet and sour, coated in white sugar. For old time’s sake, I grabbed a little sample cup and popped a piece into my mouth. Instantly, I was transported to when I was about five years old, eating way too much candy with Ed. I was reminded of the sweet innocence that is youth and just savoring deliciousness and sweetness in a bite or five. Growing up, we lived a short walking distance from two convenience/candy stores, both of which offered large bins of candy like sour power (these sweet-sour candy belts!!) for purchase by the piece. If I can remember correctly, each piece was about 20-25 cents. We just had to tell the guy behind the counter how many pieces we wanted, and he’d fish them out for us using a pair of tongs, slip them into a little plastic bag, and hand it to us once we paid. Ed and I both loved the combo of the sweet and sour. And I have always been a gummy kid, so the texture was always addictive to me. Ed was seven years older than me, so he was always supposed to be the older one who “took care” of me. Occasionally, our mom would let just the two of us go together to one of these candy stores; the trip itself was like a treat. It made me feel really grown up to go to the store, alone with just my brother. And how exciting because it always meant that we’d come home with SOUR POWER!

I savored the sweet, sour, fruity flavor in my mouth for a while, sucking on the candy until it was almost completely dissolved. For a split second, I thought maybe I’d indulge and buy just one pack… and then I decided that it would be like oral suicide. This is likely going to kill my teeth now and cause me to go into early onset dentures. Thirty-nine-year-old me eats almost zero candy today. Back when I was five or six years old, I had zero fears or worries about dental health. Now, I have to think about it all the time; it’s why I am so maniacal about brushing twice a day for at least two minutes, regularly rinsing my mouth out after eating anything, and flossing at least once a day. I’ve even started using a mouth wash a couple times a week. I have sensitive teeth from a misaligned jaw, deal with teeth grinding, plus I wear a retainer AND a mouth guard when I sleep now. And then to add to the cherry on top, I have a LOOSE baby tooth on my bottom right side, thanks to pregnancy hormones weakening a neighboring tooth, resulting in my needing a root canal that ended up destabilizing my baby tooth! It’s only getting weaker and looser by the day. I am predicting that it will fall out before the end of the year. Every time I brush, I can see the gum line around the baby tooth eroding and looking sadder and sadder.

I only have one set of teeth, unlike Kaia. I have to take care of these, otherwise they are going to come at me with a vengeance. And that would be very, very painful (and expensive AF).

The best of the Buy-Nothing Group hauls

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It’s been just over two years of being a member of my area’s Buy-Nothing group, and it’s been a really great experience. I’ve had, for the most part, very positive encounters with neighbors and great exchanges on different items that we’ve either wanted or been trying to off load. Just this last week, I was able to snag something out of a competitive lottery that I’d been thinking of buying Chris for some time, but I hesitated on it since he seemed pretty satisfied with his current basic version: a Burr coffee grinder. Burr coffee grinders, versus conventional coffee grinders like the one we have (and the one my dad has always used since I was young), are different in that they produce a more consistent grind size. They also generate less heat during grinding, which helps to preserve delicate oils and flavors in coffee beans. Given these factors, they are clearly a lot more expensive than the average coffee grinder, as they tend to go for $80+. The version I was able to get, a Bodum burr grinder, dummy-proofs the process even more for you: there is a guide right on the lid showing you which grind setting to choose depending on the type of coffee drink you are making. Then, it also has a timer built in; you just have to select how long. Thus, there’s less guess work this way! Along with the Burr grinder, with the same bundle, I got a bag of partially used ground beans that I plan to use for cold brew, a brand new one-pound bag of Costa Rican whole beans, a brand-new, still sealed electric milk frother (which I’d also been wanting, but didn’t really want to spend money on… even though it only costs at max $10), and a portable tea kettle, which I am planning to re-give.

Of the things I’ve gotten from of being part of this amazing Buy-Nothing group and community, these are most definitely the best and most useful items I’ve ever scored:

  1. Endless toddler/school-age books for Kaia
  2. Swim floaties in multiple formats (all of which have been regifted, other than the current puddle jumper which Kaia now uses and fits)
  3. Baby Bjorn potty for potty training
  4. The Oh Crap! potty training book
  5. The majority of Kaia’s toys, including a dozen Lovevery toys, a massive collection of cars, trucks, Hot Wheels, a very sturdy and like-new yellow dump truck, and Peppa Pig vehicles. Her favorite right now is the big Peppa ice cream truck she actually sits and rides on. I’m amazed it hasn’t been broken yet…
  6. Toddler training knives
  7. Toddler popsicle molds
  8. Two brand-new, full sized Dr. Bronner castile liquid soap bottles, which I use for multi-purpose cleaning. This stuff lasts forever because a little bit goes a long way! We still have 1.5 bottles left!
  9. Burr grinder and brand new milk frother
  10. Chemex coffee maker, with a near-full box of paper filters
  11. Real Pyrex brand liquid measuring cup
  12. Vintage Pyrex mixing bowls – all of varying sizes and different bright colors
  13. Bundaberg ginger beer – of course, these were for Chris
  14. Farmers market GARLIC – eight super fresh bulbs with fat cloves!
  15. A nearly full bag of organic, culinary grade lavender
  16. Organic mushroom matcha

I’m grateful to be a part of this group; I’m also grateful that I’ve been able to off load so many things that we have that we either do not use or no longer need — I’m all for declutterring, helping others to declutter, and also contributing to the circular economy!

Puddle jumpers, pool dates, and arguing over the push of a button

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As part of a Buy Nothing group bundle several months ago, I was gifted a puddle jumper. I actually wasn’t sure what a “puddle jumper” was until I received the item. It’s essentially a floating device for a young toddler that has straps that snap around the child’s back, as well as floaty pieces that you ring through their arms. I figured this would actually be great for Kaia to use when she’s in our building pool. It would also mean that when Chris and I take her into the pool, we wouldn’t have to hold her 100 percent of the time, which would actually be a bit more relaxing and freeing for us.

Today, we had a planned play date at our building pool with a neighbor and her similarly aged son. Two times ago when we saw them, it was actually also in the pool where he had his own puddle jumper on, and it was clear he was obsessed with it. So I figured Kaia would enjoy using it knowing her little friend had one on, too. She was excited to have a play date and was eager to go up to the pool to see her friend. But they were running late, and she didn’t want to go into the pool before her friend arrived. So she watched me swim a couple laps as we waited for them to join us. She insisted she would not come in… and finally I convinced her to come into the pool with me and to put on the puddle jumper. She resisted initially, yelling and attempting to swat me away, but I was able to get it on. And then, when we got into the pool, she was holding onto me with a near death grip, refusing to let go of me and feel herself float. When our friends arrived, the little one was so eager that he stepped down two steps in the pool and jumped right in! It made sense, as his mom told me that they try to take him into the pool (with the puddle jumper on) at least once a week, so he is absolutely obsessed with the water and fearless. At that moment, Kaia got super excited, pushed me away from her, and said she wanted to swim by herself. I guess all the kids really need is some peer influence/pressure, and they will do as they do (which is actually what I wanted all along). Every time she saw her friend jump into the pool, she wanted to jump in again and again with her puddle jumper on.

Eventually, it was time to go, so we all rode the elevator down together. The first floor we reached was ours, and the two kids fought over who was going to push our floor button. Kaia eventually won, which resulted in a huge melt down from her little friend, who buried his face into his mom’s crotch as she laughed hysterically. And as we exited the elevator and said bye to them, Kaia wondered out loud, “Why is Hugo crying? Why?”

It really is the little things with toddlers. And as hysterical and upset as they get, it makes it all the more amusing and funny for the parents to witness.

La Morada – Indigenous Mexican and Oaxacan cuisine in the Bronx

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During the pandemic, Chris and I walked through the South Bronx and attempted to go eat at La Morada, a Oaxacan restaurant that is not only known for serving indigenous Mexican cuisine, but also feeds those in need through The Mutual Aid Kitchen. But alas, we were out of luck: they were actually closed on the Saturday we went. At that time, they were open only during the weekdays. We were able to come back today and enjoy some very chocolatey and slightly spicy mole poblano with the most delicious oven roasted chicken, rice (which was likely cooked in chicken broth, and luxurious black beans. We enjoyed it with a jamaica drink (hibiscus tea) and ended with a proper Mexican hot chocolate. Marco served us; his mom is the chef and owner. It was a warm, homely family-run and owned restaurant. And they were so warm and kind serving us and answering any and all of our questions. Everything about the place took me back to Oaxaca, from the decor on the walls to the open kitchen to even the plates and bowls our food was served in. Unfortunately for Kaia, she didn’t get to enjoy any of the food since she had passed out right before we arrived at the restaurant.

I later read more about La Morada and found out that their family actually has undocumented status, yet they are still so resilient, run their own business, feed those in need, and run a community garden, where they actually source a lot of their own vegetables and fruit. I found it shocking that they’d be so open about this, especially now with the current political climate. But it’s clear that they have guts and perseverance. It almost makes me want to go up there more often just to support them — and eat through their delicious menu, which I’m sure pretty much no other place in New York could replicate, and definitely not at their price points.

Nothing goes as expected with a toddler on an unanticipated car ride home from school

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When I had to go to New Jersey for my work meeting yesterday, I originally planned to do an early morning workout, drop off Kaia at school, then head to Penn Station to take NJ Transit to Morristown. This way, Chris could do pickup at the end of the day. Well, this plan got thwarted when Chris rescheduled plans for mid-afternoon drinks with his friend, who has a flexible work schedule, and he pleaded with me to let him do drop off that day and for me to do pickup straight from Penn Station. Originally, I was annoyed with this given that he sees this friend almost every week for drinks (it sounded pretty desperate, as though this was the one thing that gave his weekly life meaning), but I figured I’d just relent and and pick my battles, and this wasn’t really one of them. He then said that since he knew I was traveling that I could just use the transit card to take the subway down to Chinatown, and then get a work-paid Uber back home with Kaia. I asked him to pack the ride-safe seat belt for her in her backpack for our car ride.

I got back from my workout yesterday morning to find out that somehow, Chris had forgotten to take Kaia to school with her backpack (he said she was being fussy when they left the house). So he packed the ride-safe belt in my work bag… for me to take to New Jersey and then down to Manhattan Chinatown. I was not happy about this, as I wanted to put my purse into my work bag to consolidate my items, and now that bag would be too full; I was just going to Morristown for the afternoon and didn’t want to seem like I was taking the whole world with me. First, I change my planned schedule revolving around work to accommodate his rescheduled beers catch up with a friend. Then, he forgets to bring the one thing she takes to school…

Chris said that since we rarely take a car that it would be a novelty for Kaia to take a car home from lower Manhattan, and she would enjoy it. So when I picked her up at school, she was excited to see me (she didn’t quite understand that when I said I’d go to Jersey for work for the day that I’d be back at the end of the day; she usually associates my work travel with nights away from her). And she was even eager to put on her ride-safe seat belt. She happily climbed into the car. For a moment, I thought… okay, this ride will be fun. But as soon as I tried to buckle her toddler seat belt to the regular car seat belt, she had a total melt down, screaming, crying, kicking, and somehow managed to get down on the backseat car floor, still attached to the car seat belt. Kaia eventually calmed down when I told her that Suma and Topa would be coming back very soon and would see her when we got home. She eventually passed out and ending up sleeping for almost half an hour. We were in the car for over 50 minutes, stuck in traffic.

Things rarely go how you envision they will with toddlers. But I guess it’s always safe to say that you should never expect anything with toddlers and just take things as they come, and try to enjoy them as best as possible since these moments will fly by so quickly, you won’t even know what hit you. She looked so cute in her ride safe belt, and it was really adorable how she so effortlessly slipped her arms into the straps and allowed me to velcro and loop things together.

New Yorkers hate on New Jersey; New Jersey people hate on New Yorkers

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I have a friend who is originally from Texas, but moved to New Jersey when she was in high school and has been there ever since. She’s the only person I know who lives in New Jersey and regularly and proactively loves coming into New York City; everyone else I have met who is New Jersey based (most of whom were born and raised there, as well) avoid New York City completely unless it’s for work; they abhor the mere idea of coming into the city on a weekend or when it’s not for work. She never whines or whinges about coming into the city; she’s always happy to drive in and meet me. In fact, I have only ever seen her in Manhattan; so far, I haven’t gone to Jersey to visit her even once (maybe I am a bad friend, but she doesn’t seem to mind this thus far). No, it’s not just for work, as she is 100 percent remote in her job; it’s because she recognizes that New York City is literally the center of the country (if not the entire universe) for food.

She was hating on New Jersey people the other day and saying how mad she gets with their attitudes of New York City. She said she couldn’t stand how closed minded the average Jersey person was; most of them are born and raised in Jersey and never, ever leave. They don’t even want to go into NEW YORK CITY, she said. How can anyone be against New York City? she lamented. That’s like being against culture, against diversity, against life! She says the only reason she doesn’t live in the city is that she cannot afford it; plus, she’s trying to spend as little money as possible on housing so that she can meet her personal life goal of retiring by the age of 50.

I was shocked when she always wanted to hang out in New York and was so willing to drive to see me. She insisted it was never a big deal; she was used to driving and driving everywhere, so it was just her means to get everywhere. And when I told Chris this, he said it makes sense that she is happy to do this given she’s not originally from New Jersey and is from Texas, where anyone and everyone need a car to get around, and that’s just what life is there.

I thought about this during my day trip to Morristown, New Jersey, today, for a customer meeting. I basically spent all afternoon in a popular suburban town. It has an upscale, small town feel. Before my meetings, I met up with a local colleague who was attending the meetings with me, and we caught up over coffee. This colleague, who I get along with really well, is like one of those New Jersey people that my friend complains about: born and raised in New Jersey and unlikely to ever leave; rarely travels to see new things. He loves to nudge me every time I chat with him and ask when I am moving to New Jersey with my husband and daughter. And I always smile and say the exact same thing:

“Nope, no plans to ever move to New Jersey. I think Chris would much rather die. And I think I agree with him.”