In traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), with postpartum preparation and recovery, it is highly encouraged for pregnant women to begin consuming dates or date tea in the several weeks leading up to labor and birth, and in the weeks following baby’s birth. The idea behind this is that dates have some enzyme in them that is supposed to help the uterus and make for an easier, smoother and less painful labor, not to mention an easier recovery. This has become generally widespread that now, even western cultures are embracing this, particularly in the midwifery and doula communities.

While I did purchase some traditional Chinese herbs and different types of dried dates for postpartum healing teas to make, I also purchased some medjool dates from Trader Joe’s the other day to make midday smoothies sweetened with dates and banana. The combination that seems to be quite the winner, which tasted like dessert at first sip, was this:

1 C nut milk (I used the Trader Joe’s macadamia nut/almond/cashew milk combo)

2 medjool dates, chopped and soaked

1 sliced frozen ripe banana

1 Tbsp unsweetened cacao or cocoa powder

1 Tbsp almond butter

1/4 tsp cinnamon

2 ice cubes

1 tsp chia seeds

I blended it twice since dates sometimes resist being blended. And when I took the first sip, I nearly gasped at how good it was. It doesn’t taste like a “healthy” smoothie. Instead, it tastes like an indulgent, guilty pleasure smoothie that you have behind closed doors. I can’t believe this was my first time really using dates in smoothies. It seems to be a very common way for the health-conscious to add sweetness to desserts without actually adding refined sugar. If all TCM was like this, then pretty much every postpartum mama would embrace Chinese medicine.

This afternoon was rough. I had a number of meetings to get through before my day ended, but the “practice” Braxton Hicks contractions kept my day a lot more eventful than it really needed to be. Sometimes, I felt dull pain in my lower back. Occasionally, I felt like I was having menstrual pains in my abdomen. I was really hoping this wasn’t early labor, but lower back pain and the sensation of menstrual cramps during pregnancy are all signs of labor. I’m currently in my 34th week of pregnancy, and if this really were signs of early labor, this would be pre-term labor, which really would not be good. Pookie Bear is still growing and her lungs need to fully mature, and they aren’t quite there yet. While she’d likely be totally fine and healthy eventually as a full-term baby would be, labor at this stage would definitely worry me. The doctors say that it’s fairly normal to go into labor from week 37 onward. Week 39 onward is really the ideal time, though, because at this stage for the most part, lung development wouldn’t be a concern.

Luckily for me, after lying down for a little bit and changing my position a few times, the tensions in my belly stopped. I just continued to feel exhausted, though. Third trimester exhaustion is going to be in direct competition with my desire to “nest” and get everything ready for Pookie Bear’s arrival.

In the U.S., postpartum care for moms is generally overlooked and disregarded. You typically will get one follow-up appointment with your OB-GYN at the six week mark postpartum that is considered “standard,” and that’s it. It’s pretty consistent with the theme that society doesn’t really care about or take care of women or new parents because in general, you’re on your own if you have any problems. Before I was trying to conceive and actively discussing with friends, colleagues, and former colleagues about child birth, labor, and postpartum recovery, I had no idea what postpartum recovery looked like other than trying to rest as much as possible in between your baby needing feeds, diaper changes, and soothing. I had no idea that vaginal tearing from vaginal births was extremely common and considered “normal,” especially first and second degree tears that require stitches. Third and fourth degree tears can extend as far as your anus, which means that you will not only be in pain sitting, standing, walking, or doing pretty much anything, but your recovery period could be as long as 5-7 months long before you can walk normally and do regular, everyday activities with the ease you had before giving birth. This is why I get angry when I hear idiots say ignorant crap like “only one parent needs to stay at home” postpartum to care for the child, or that dads don’t have to recover from child birth, so why should they get paid time off, because in that case, who the hell is taking care of MOM recovering from her birth wounds??? Once again, it completely overlooks mom’s needs and recovery.

I had no idea that it would sting like crazy every time you urinate after giving birth because of the tears down there, and it’s strongly suggested you use a perineal squirt bottle with warm water to soothe your perineum each time you pee, as your urine is actually acidic, and anything acidic hitting an open wound will hurt like crazy. I didn’t know that the first time you take a poop after giving birth, if not for several weeks after, it would be a far greater terror than actually going through labor pains and contractions, as it may feel like you are about to poop out all your insides and even your uterus (which… DOES happen for some women!). This is why it’s advised to have stool softener immediately postpartum regardless of your diet because anything that will make pooping easier would be good and less traumatic for you.

So I figured that if some things could potentially help with vaginal tearing, assuming the stars are aligned and I will have a vaginal birth, that I would do whatever I could to prevent or lessen it. So I’ve started doing perineal massage at least 5 times per week for 12 minutes each evening to ‘stretch’ my vagina and prep it for opening wider to accommodate the baby. I basically get a mirror to make sure I’m getting the right area, then I massage my vaginal opening about 2 inches in moving downward towards my anus, at the 9, 12, and 3 o’clock mark. Chris makes fun of me and says I am masturbating, but I can assure anyone that this is definitely NOT masturbating. The vaginal canal actually has no nerve endings, so all I feel is stretching down there while I am doing it. I’ve also started eating a couple dates every day because dates are supposed to contain an enzyme that helps with uterine contractions and making for an easier labor. That’s actually documented quite well in of Traditional Chinese Medicine, too, as in TCM, they suggest women have date tea at about 32- to 34-weeks of pregnancy until birth to prepare for baby’s arrival. I’m hoping this will all make it easier for my little baby to come out and not completely rip up my vagina.

The fatigue I felt in the first trimester seems to be creeping itself into me yet again, except this time, it just feels like pure lethargy rather than the constant urge to nap mid day or mid afternoon back in the spring. Your body goes through so many changes throughout pregnancy to create a tiny new human, and so it makes sense that you’d experience fatigue and exhaustion throughout.

The baby movements have certainly continued, and I tend to know what to expect at certain times of the day. Her hands and head are closer down to my pelvis, and so when she starts waving her hands around, it feels like strong tickling, in addition to the feeling that she may even be slapping my bladder (which, inevitably makes me want to go pee). Her feet are higher up in my uterus closer to my rib cage, and so occasionally when she is undulating, squirming, and kicking, she kicks my ribs, and it definitely startles and sometimes even hurts. She also seems to react quite a bit when I eat spicy foods. I hope she will enjoy spicy foods when she arrives in this world.

I went in to the doctor’s for my 32-week OB appointment yesterday. There are four doctors and one nurse practitioner at the practice I go to, and so really any five of them could be there when I birth my baby, so they wanted me to ensure I met with all the providers before the baby comes. That’s a pretty easy thing to arrange since now until 36 weeks, I have appointments every two weeks, then after 36 weeks, the appointments are every week. And if I go over my due date at 40 weeks, they ask you to come in TWO TIMES per week. I met with the last doctor, who had a great bedside manner and answered all my questions really thoroughly and thoughtfully. She said our baby is still in the “perfect place,” meaning she’s head down still, and as of today, she is approximately 4 pounds, 5 ounces. My little munchkin has grown exactly a pound in just the last two weeks! These are all weight estimates from the ultrasound, and there can be minor inaccuracies once the baby is born, but this sounded pretty good to me and on track from what the doctor said.

I told the doctor about my concerns about pre-term labor, which is defined as labor that is before the 37th week mark. She said that it’s very rare, and she didn’t think I was at risk for it given how everything has been looking to date, plus I haven’t had any weird symptoms or bleeding that would indicate it could happen to me. But it still sits in the back of my mind since I know quite a handful of people who have gone into labor at 28, 32, 33, and 34 weeks. One of my friends had her water break at 34 weeks, but because she was in Amsterdam and had a nurse see her every week after the initial first week in the hospital for close monitoring, she gave birth at 37 weeks.

I want my little baby to bake as much as possible so that she’s as healthy as possible before she comes out. Her lungs still need developing, but the doctor said that that in the event pre-term labor happened, medication could be given to expedite lung growth to prepare the baby for life outside the womb. So at least there is that that’s been developed over the years to help premie babies.