Last night, I met with a friend who has been troubled recently. In some ways, the way he talks, his tone, and his attitude toward life remind me of my brother in his last weeks of life. I spent about an hour with him and he left, but as I made my way home, all I could do was think about how this was like deja vu all over again, and all I could feel was powerless, powerless in the same way I felt with my Ed.

And to remind me of how powerless and hopeless I felt, I saw Ed in glimpses in my dreams last night. It was just flashes, but I could see his despair, his eyes as though they were just dark holes staring into a world of nothing. I woke up this morning feeling awful. You never really get over knowing that you failed at saving your brother’s life. There are times when people lighten the mood in dire situations and say, “Well, it’s not like it’s a matter of life versus death.” Well, that can’t be applied to this situation.

Family is overrated. People always say that blood is thicker than water, but most of the time the people making statements like that have no idea what a dysfunctional family can be like. It’s easy to make sweeping ignorant statements like that when you are blissfully unaware of how bad it can be.

Most of our wedding guests RSVPed in a timely manner, most far ahead of our RSVP deadline. I have one cousin who makes it seem like it is painful to say yes and that he doesn’t really want to come, so he decided to RSVP on the very last day for both deadlines I set and then complain that the sites were malfunctioning on the last day. That is probably our wedding website and Evite quietly telling him that his presence is unwanted. We really don’t want to host guests who are ungrateful and make it seem like it’s a chore and a hassle to come to our wedding. Just don’t come with an attitude like that.

And then I have an aunt who has been passive aggressive with me since I told her that her on again, off again boyfriend would no longer be welcome at the wedding. I refuse to host drama at my wedding events. I sent a reminder to RSVP for the optional wedding events. She forwarded my e-mail to her best friend… well, she thought she did, and asked her advice about whether she should continue ignoring me or just respond finally. She actually made the mistake of sending it…. straight to me. So I called her out on it and emailed her back, telling her that I don’t believe I was meant to be the recipient of this message. She dumbly responds, saying she has no idea how that got sent to me and that it had nothing to do with my message, and yes, she will be attending both optional events. What a pity.

I realized today that a short attention span is not only affecting my generation, but also the generation before me. I sent out an e-mail reminder regarding the welcome dinner and farewell brunch that Chris and I are hosting around our wedding to my side guests, and my cousin’s wife responded to me, letting me know that she already let us know that she is coming to our wedding. Well, if she had read the message I wrote, I explicitly asked for an RSVP for Thursday night and Saturday morning, not Friday’s wedding. Her message came off as passive aggressive and just annoying. She also probably didn’t notice that I blind copied everyone, so it wasn’t just like I was singling her out.

It’s sad when people can’t even read one- to two-line e-mails anymore and immediately read two out of ten words, choose to get mad about it, and then have to have someone else point out to them that they misread, misunderstood, and are just flat out wrong.

I don’t know if it’s bad karma, if it’s some higher power telling me that these work trips aren’t good for me, or if it’s just really horrible luck, but this is the second time in two weeks that I’ve encountered a flight cancellation. I don’t even receive a reason for it this time. I originally had scheduled a direct flight from Atlanta back to New York this evening, and between back-to-back meetings this morning, I listened to a voice message from AA telling me that my flight got cancelled – no explanation, no nothing. Instead, I got re-booked onto a flight connecting in Charlotte, and instead of getting back home around 9:30, I wouldn’t be landing at LaGuardia until nearly midnight. Nothing seems to be working out quite well for me in the last two weeks.

I sat on my connecting flight from Charlotte to LaGuardia in the first row of economy in a middle seat, which I never get, but I succumbed to choosing it since by default, they were mean enough to put me in an aisle seat near the back of the plane. These are the moments when I actually remember why flying can be so terrible and why people hate it. It’s also the moment when I realize that I never would have been happy as a consultant. I mean in this situation, it’s only been two back-to-back weeks of work travel, and I’m already miserable and want it to end. If I had to spend 90 percent of my time traveling and living out of a suitcase for work, I’d probably quit after a month.