Yesterday, my friend and I were chatting on instant message, and he told me he had two tickets he had to give up because of a date that had to get rescheduled. He had planned for them to go see Drunk Shakespeare, so he asked me if I was interested in taking the tickets.

“Drunk Shakespeare?” I said to him. “That sounds like it’s going to be funny. You know I can’t laugh right now. It hurts my ribs too much. And Chris hates Shakespeare, so he definitely wouldn’t go anyway.”

“You still can’t laugh?” my friend responded, confused. “How long are you going to go without laughing?”

That was the saddest conversation. I told him that post antibiotics when I was spending a lot of time with Chris’s cousins, we laughed so much that I’m sure it only exacerbated my rib pain. The idea of being in any situation where I have to laugh too much or talk too much is a road to more rib pain.

This afternoon, I received an email from my extremely organized wedding catering manager, reminding me that our wedding tasting request form is due late next week in anticipation of our scheduled tasting coming up. Her e-mail also included a long list of things that I need to get to her by a few other target deadline dates, including a final head count and a full timeline of our day. While I very much admire and appreciate her organization, I felt knots in my stomach going through her email. It’s like the word “stress” was written all over that e-mail without her even trying.

As I looked over her list and looked at my own list that I have shared with Chris on Evernote, I could feel my heart racing, thinking, we really have to do all this by ourselves? Really? This is why people elope and have secret weddings at City Hall and don’t plan weddings with other people; it takes so much time, effort, money, and stress, and likely a few arguments with people you are working with, including your fiance and friends, along the way. I keep reminding myself that all of this will be worth it once the wedding week comes up. Everything just takes time, and I need to take this all day by day, line item by line item, and everything will be great.

My goal was to make it to the gym at least twice this week. Now, it’s looking like it will be zero times because my ribs are really not ready to be exposed to stretching and deep breathing that an aerobic workout would necessitate. I’m getting sad looking at the calendar, thinking that I may not even be able to go next week. When will this bruising stop and the pain go away? Who knew that whooping cough could leave such dire bodily effects on you?

There’s partly vanity involved in wanting to go to the gym, but the other part about it is that I always feel fresher, more alert, and focused when I work out in the morning versus when I do not. It’s always a struggle to get out of bed, especially when it’s as cold as it is here in January, but when I get out of the apartment and hop on the train, I know all that effort was worth it. It helps that I also have gym acquaintances, including a trainer who is trying to get me to do pull ups and lifts, who keep me in check; a few of them make fun of me when they don’t see me for a while, telling me I am slacking off or getting lazy (sometimes, this has some truth; other times, it’s because I am traveling for work or pleasure, which I don’t always tell them about ahead of time). As the wedding date approaches, of course, I’m also thinking about that, too. Chris and I need to work off all the calories we ate in Australia and in Hong Kong as delicious as they were, and now we have FitBits to keep us accountable (and competitive).

Tonight, I figured I would try to be social despite feeling cold and miserable being back and see my friend for dinner. We weren’t even out that long, but I could feel my ribs on the left side starting to hurt every time I coughed or laughed. Since the end of December, only the right side of my ribs ever acted up and needed to be iced, and I thought that was all I would have to deal with in terms of bruising. Yet somehow tonight, I realized I was wrong and would also need to deal with bruising on the right side, as well. It’s frustrating how these things creep up on you.

I’m coughing and wiping my nose with tissues at work, which I am sure is making my colleagues who sit around me feel even more thrilled that I am back. I think I will need to stay home and keep myself away from others for a while, if not just to prevent myself from speaking which causes coughing, but from laughing and also getting everyone scared that I might give them something contagious.