Category Archives: Hope

The “dine around” exchange program and the unexpected brand-new swimsuit

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While in Barbados, we’re staying at a south coast all-inclusive resort, which is part of Marriott and their Tribute Portfolio collection of hotels. While in flight to Barbados, Chris looked up additional benefits and perks of staying here, and he found out that we could get access to what is called the “Dine Around” Exchange Program. This means that guests can utilize the “dine around” option at other participating Marriott resorts on the island. So this would not only give us (free/included) access to other properties and their food/drink/amentiies, but also give us an opportunity to enjoy a different part of Barbados. So we chose a hotel to visit today that was on the east coast, which is supposed to have calmer, more child-friendly beaches.

While we had to pay for our transport to get to the second hotel, all our food and drink would be included at this property, so the Uber would be the only real extra expense of the day. And it was really nice to see another part of the coast and see how a sister property was laid out. Of course, Kaia was thrilled to know she was having a full pool/beach day. She went back and forth between the white sand beach with calm, crystal-clear waters back into the east coast hotel’s pools, which were better situated than our hotel’s given that they directly overlooked the beach the way they did at our Roatan hotel last month. We ended up befriending a couple from Edison, New Jersey, and their daughter, who was born 11 months before Kaia. So they played together as we all had our own separate adult conversations.

One funny thing that ended up happening was that while we were on the beach with G and her mom, Kaia suddenly started scratching her crotch area and tried to take off her rashie/swimsuit. I asked her what was wrong, and she said the swimsuit was hurting her leg. G’s mom was so thoughtful that she eagerly offered to give Kaia one of G’s own brand-new swimsuits given she said she overpacked and probably wouldn’t need all the swimsuits anyway. She went a short distance back to their room and brought out a really cute turquoise and white one-piece swimsuit with a big bow on it — so new that it still had its tags on. Kaia happily took off her rashie, put on G’s swimsuit, and went back to splashing.

When it was time for all of us to go, I dried the swimsuit off as much as I could and tried to hand it back to G’s mom, and she insisted that we keep it because they didn’t need it due to having too many swimsuits for G, and they would be leaving in a couple days anyway. I was floored and just in shock.

“You have so much more of your trip to go, so it can’t hurt to have an extra swimsuit for her,” G’s mom insisted to me. “It’s really nothing! I got it from Target!! It’s not like I gave you a Burberry swimsuit or anything…”

I told her it wasn’t about the cost; in most cases of generosity, money has little to do with it. In these and in so many cases I’ve experienced with Kaia, it’s truly about the gesture itself, the selflessness to offer a swimsuit to a child you do not even know when you can see she’s uncomfortable and you know you have an extra one… and then to just let them keep it! We were total strangers who met just hours before, and she was giving one of her daughter’s brand new swimsuits away — who cares that it’s from Target! To be honest, I am not totally sure that if I were in her shoes that I would have done the same thing. And so when I think about cases like this, it just makes me realize how truly kind other people really can be. Being a mama to my Kaia Pookie opens my eyes to that fact every single day.

Kaia’s last day of Pre-K and the red envelope handout

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Here in the U.S., where teachers are generally under appreciated and underpaid, especially if they are in the public system, it’s kind of semi-expected and customary to give teachers gifts, whether that is around the December holiday period, Teacher Appreciation Week, or at the end of a school year. Since this is Kaia’s last school year at this school, we thought it would be a good idea not just to give cards to her teachers and the admin, but also to the cook/cleaner, and to the doorman at her school building. They all play a part in helping the school run and thrive, and so we wanted to thank them for their support and kindness.

Given Kaia is 4.5 years old now, she knew what I was doing and that I was handing out envelopes to the teachers. And while she knew this, she didn’t mind that I was handing out the envelopes to the teachers. BUT, she insisted on handing Ah Gong, the doorman, his red envelope. So we went downstairs after signing in just to have her hand the envelope to him. Ah Gong was shocked and flattered. They gave each other high-fives, and Kaia was super excited.

Ah Gong remarked how cute, smart, and mature she was. It’s strange to think that after summer camp ends in August, we will no longer be seeing Ah Gong every day, even in just casual acquaintance. But I guess all these everyday people you have even the smallest interactions with do play some parts in your life, and their kindnesses will be remembered.

Being in a real clothing store again – the madness and the new technology!

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I have never enjoyed the process of shopping for clothes — looking, trying on clothes, and well, no one likes paying for clothes. 😀 So when I stopped having friends drag me out on mall or shopping trips, the only way I was going to willingly buy clothing was online. And yes, that was a dream, especially in cases where the stores had either free returns or in-store return policies for clothing bought online. I could buy the clothes online, try them on at home to check for fit and whether they looked right on me, and if they didn’t work out, either drop them in the mail back or return them to a store nearby. The vast majority of all clothing I’ve purchased in the last 16+ years has been online, and I do not miss the in-store shopping process at all. The only times I’ve enjoyed it just a little are when I am traveling internationally and see more unique items, like at one or two shops I like in Australia, or when I’m looking at clothing for Kaia (because baby/toddler girl clothing is always fun to look at).

So in the last couple days, I’ve been seeing some potential summer pieces at Zara online, but their entire online shopping experience… kind of sucks. I was thinking that I probably should stop being so lazy with dressing (this all stems from being 100 percent remote with work) and actually buy clothing I want to wear that looks good and fits well… instead of always wearing all my AFSP volunteer shirts and other things I don’t care much about just for comfort. Especially now that I am probably going to get more involved in Kaia’s elementary school, I should dress up a bit more and try a little.

Zara is good in that they have this nifty option to check for in-store availability closest to you (and so far, it looks pretty accurate), so I found out that two pieces I liked were at their Bryant Park location. So I used that as an excuse to get some extra steps in and walk there before picking up Kaia in Chinatown. I walked in and was immediately reminded of why I hate in-store shopping: the store, despite it being about 4:15pm on a Wednesday, was mobbed. People were speed walking and even running across the store to grab pieces. It felt like a competitive sport being in there! People were rushing to grab items before anyone else claimed them. It was a little insane. Employees were restocking and being bombarded with questions (and some even had lines for people with inquiries). And I just felt a little dizzy navigating all of this and trying to figure out where these two specific items were. I eventually asked an employee, who was super friendly and able to get someone to fetch me the item from their stock room since neither of us saw one of the pieces on the floor (this was very efficient!). I tried one piece on (on the floor out in the open, and not in the fitting room because the line was 20+ people long!); luckily it didn’t require me to undress. And when I went to buy the shirt in the payment area, I simply dropped the item into a bin, which immediately scanned the item for what it was, the size, and the price. I paid by Apple Pay by tapping, was texted the receipt, and that was it! It was just like the buying process at Uniqlo — the only other shop at which I’ve bought in store in the last few years. The “cashier” line was nonexistent, as it’s all self pay with an attendant checking in occasionally.

This is the reality of in-store shopping now that I’m just ignorant to since I rarely shop in person — things are more automated and efficient. There’s less in-person support for payment. The “lining up” doesn’t happen as much anymore. But it also feels more “competitive” to be in store with getting the items you want in the size you need and as quickly as you need them. That’s too tiring for me! The ease of online shopping is just so, so much easier.

Ronny Chieng at the West Side Comedy Club

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Tonight, Chris got us tickets to see Ronny Chieng do test material at the West Side Comedy Club, which was convenient for us given it’s just about 15 blocks north of us. We’ve already seen Ronny Chieng live numerous times over the years. One time previously in the West Village, we also got to see him perform test material. This was pre-pandemic, far before he was ever a “star” in a major Hollywood movie. But his fun, vibe, and dead panning remain amazingly the same. We sat in the front row around the stage, and he made a comment about my sandals (modern Crocs!) and how they are definitely fitting of the “Upper West Side,” and so we must not live in the area (I corrected him). “Well, I guess it’s all the new money in the area, then!” he responded.

Are we “new money”?

When we were walking back down to our apartment, Chris noticed that Ronny actually was walking a little ahead of us. He was wearing his same outfit, with his test material notebook under his arm, and the same large bottle of sparkling water in his hand. I remarked to Chris that this was such a guy thing, to carry a loose notebook with important information in it completely unprotected out and in the open when it could easily get destroyed by rain (it had rained during the time we were inside the comedy club, and could very well start again given how summer rains are in the city). Chris suggested that I tell him this myself. So we walked a little faster to catch up to him, and that was how I greeted him. He recognized us from the front row, fist-bumped us for coming to his show, asked how we found out about the show and if we had seen him perform live before. So we walked together for maybe three to four blocks before we separated ways. He was on his way to another comedy club for another standup gig — always hard at work, doing what he is most passionate about.

With this interaction, he was nowhere as socially awkward as he was when we approached him at his test material night in the East Village. He seemed more confident, happier to interact with us, and genuinely grateful we’d come to see him live. I LOVE THIS GUY.

An identity crisis at the grocery store

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While in the dairy section at Trader Joe’s yesterday, I stood in front of a refrigerated wall of yogurt options, debating what to get. Given my focus on high protein, lean muscle building, and fat loss as of late, I knew I had to (at least temporarily) ignore the European style full-fat yogurt I would normally get in favor of the drained, thicker lower-fat Greek yogurt. But when I looked at the Greek yogurt options, I felt confused: why were all the 1% and 2% fat options so much smaller quantity wise, yet more expensive than the 0% large container (one quart)? And also, where did all those 1-2% fat Greek yogurt options even go? This section of the shelf had been completely wiped out before I even arrived at the store late morning, so even if I had wanted to choose those, they were no longer there for me. So I was left with the 0% fat Greek yogurt option, which was my least desired option (zero percent – what is that – like eating a bunch of nothing favor-wise?!). And since I had made the trek all the way up to 92nd Street, there was no way I wasn’t coming back with Greek yogurt, as it was on top of my ‘to-buy’ list. I felt like I was having an identity crisis: since when did I ever buy nonfat anything — ever? Even before living with Chris, when I lived with my then-roommate and friend, we always bought 1-2% fat milk or yogurt. This felt like a funny thing — me walking around Trader Joe’s with two quarts of zero percent fat Greek yogurt (which also happened to be the very last two quarts of Greek yogurt in the entire store at that time!). Maybe the Yvonne I thought I was will no longer be?

I told my friend about my identity crisis over text when I came back from TJs, and she laughed at me and said that zero percent dairy is basically like eating a thick blob of nothing. Even with her fat loss / lean muscle building goals (and she has always been way more into this than I ever was), she said even she refuses touch that stuff and has to do at least 1 percent fat. Welp, there we have it: even she won’t touch it.

Chris’s parents go back Down Under after a month-plus in North America

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Chris’s parents left this afternoon for their long flight back to Melbourne after just over a month of traipsing around North America, with several days or week-long stints at our place. It’s always fun in the lead-up to their arrival, and then there’s some sadness at the end when Kaia realizes that her beloved Sumi and Topi are not going to cater to her demands every evening forever and ever because they will leave. Even I feel a little sad when they go. There’s less people and thus less chatter and noise in the house. There are fewer mouths to feed, which is sad for me because I enjoy feeding those I love. And then there is also just less energy in the house. I even miss the things that can at times be annoying, like Chris’s dad constantly trying to eat everything with a fork and knife (even things like… muffins or french fries…) because he hates getting his hands dirty, or Chris’s mom asking for the millionth time if we are going to run yet another wash. I miss the classist conversations of Chris yelling at his parents about how pretentious they are, and even the one-sided talks about how marriages of today don’t last simply because people of my generation have unreasonably high standards and inflexibility (said by people who would most likely be seen as inflexible and stubborn, but hey, who needs self-awareness today?). The banter is fun because I know it will all eventually go out the door with them. So it’s all temporal and good entertainment for me.

As I left the building, our handyman friend asked us what was new, and I told him that Chris’s parents just left to go back to Melbourne. “Oh, you can breathe a sigh of relief then!” he said to me, patting me on my back.

“No, I actually am sad they are leaving,” I smiled. “The more, the merrier!”

“Well, isn’t that unusual!” he responded back, surprised.

He says this to me pretty much every year they come, and he forgets that I genuinely like my in-laws. I like spending time with them. And every visit when they come and tolerate their eldest son’s ridiculous demands and our much smaller, cozier living space versus what they have, I am reminded again and again how, relatively speaking, they actually are quite easy-going, far more so than almost any other parent or in-law I have known or heard of, of their generation. And for that, I am always grateful.

The amazing pizza guy in Washington Heights who sent me home with a huge sample of his Calabrian chili oil

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On Chris’s parents’ last full day with us before they head back to Melbourne, we took them up to Washington Heights. Chris decided our lunch “appetizer” would be at a local pizza spot that opened about 1.5 years ago, which happens to be just next door to a really good Singaporean hole-in-the-wall we’ve dined at a couple times.

Niccolo Pizzeria was a tiny spot, but was so, so memorable today! We got two cheese slices, which were excellent – super thin crust and crispy. The cheese, tomato sauce, and the crust were all perfection! But what truly, truly blew us away was the super warm and friendly hospitality from Cleber, the manager/owner. He was extremely kind and explained the menu and ingredients to us right away — he made us feel like family there. He even humored Kaia and gave her a VERY generous helping of their daily in-house made soft-serve gelato, which today was white chocolate-pineapple. When we told him we live on the Upper West Side and came just to try a few things in the area since Chris’s parents were visiting from Australia, he was so shocked not only that we came from another neighborhood, but also brought international visitors to his restaurant! So he gave us a second generous sample of their soft serve gelato. He also insisted we not miss his Calabrian chili oil. He told me he imports the Calabrian chilies in oil from Italy, then simply adds high quality extra virgin olive oil to them and allows the chilies to infuse the olive oil. He doesn’t add anything else! At that point, we’d already finished our pizza share, but I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to try a new chili oil. So I poured a few drops onto my plate and licked it, and WOW! The Calabrian chili oil had this really delicious smoky, fruity flavor with a huge hit of heat at the end, which was really addictive! I told Cleber how much I loved it, and he was so thrilled that he PACKED ME A GENEROUS SAMPLE OF THE CALABRIAN CHILI OIL TO BRING HOME. I nearly passed out from Cleber’s kindness and generosity. In a city as big and packed with endless good restaurant options, sometimes hospitality takes a back seat to food and atmosphere, but most definitely not here.

Trying Calabrian chili oil today was also very good timing because I was just reading Samin Nosrat’s book Good Things, in which she includes a very labor-intensive, 20+ ingredient recipe for her Calabrian chili oil, which is essentially a mash-up of Italian (Calabrian), Sichuanese, Japanese, Mexican chili oils. The description sounds like it could potentially be the perfect chili oil. I was debating whether I really wanted to go to such lengths to make it, but I was intrigued because I’d never tried Calabrian chilies before, nor tasted their oil… until today. And now, I might actually be sold to put her Calabrian chili oil on my growing “project cooking” list.

Mother’s Day breakfast at school on Friday

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Every year around Mother’s Day, Kaia’s preschool hosts a Mother’s Day breakfast/tea event where they invite all the mothers/mother-figures to school for a little party. Last year, I missed it since we took a long weekend to Rhode Island. But this year, I was able to attend. Since the classes are all quite small (Kaia’s class has THREE STUDENTS in it, with two teachers, one who teaches in English, the second in Chinese!), they combine all the kids and parents in the same classroom for this event. And while it was beautifully set up with food and hot tea and drinks for all, the parents just didn’t really want to interact with each other. It didn’t matter if you were on either end of the table or in the middle. Not a single parent wanted to proactively talk to anyone else. Every parent was mostly eating or interacting with their own kids. On the 4K side of the table where I was, I attempted and failed at small talk with the two moms of the other two 4K kids. It was mostly a lot of question, answer, question, answer, with me doing most of the questioning. Very occasionally, I got asked, “What about you / you guys?” questions back, but that was only because I asked first. It honestly felt like pulling teeth. And when it was time to go, I was more than ready to leave. Kaia was sad to see me go and started crying, but I really had to get away from these parents who seem to have zero desire to socialize even for the facade of being friendly.

I have really hated the lack of community at the last two schools Kaia has been at. I hope that we are able to feel some sense of community and camaraderie with the parents at her new school come September.

How long are we allowed to be kids?

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When we were getting ready to go to Kaia’s friend’s 4th birthday party in our building yesterday, out of nowhere, Kaia decided that she wanted to wear her cow costume (from Halloween two years ago, as it was oversized!) to the party. Originally, Chris was not a fan of this and insisted that she just wear regular clothes. But Kaia is stubborn (just like both of her parents), and she continued persisting that she really wanted to wear it. I thought about it for a minute and just told Chris that we should relent.

“We should just let her wear it,” I said to him. “She only has so much time when she can wear a costume like this when it will be considered ‘acceptable.'” Plus, she’s already slowly getting too long for this oversized costume, and she won’t be able to wear it soon anymore. So we should just let her get more wears and fun out of it as long as we can.

Of course, Kaia was thrilled. She insisted that the cow be fully zipped up, and that she even wear the cow “head” (the hood part). Knowing her, I had a feeling she’d last only a short time at the party with the outfit since it would get quite hot and stuffy, especially with so many people in the apartment. So predictably, the cow costume eventually came off. But of course, all the adults marveled at her cow costume initially. One of them even asked me, “So, is this her weekend outfit of choice?”

Kids can get away with so many things that adults could never get away with: making beelines and cutting people off for seats on public transportation; constantly angling for freebies at stories and restaurants; simply smiling and getting free candy from doormen in buildings; wearing single-piece full length costumes on just any average day. I love that about childhood, and I wish we could all learn to embrace it more. Childhood is finite — it will all come to an end, and then we will no longer be given grace on so many things. Well, I can’t really personally embrace it since I’m quite far from my childhood years, but I want to let Kaia embrace it for as long as possible. I want her to enjoy her childhood and not have her rush to become an adult. There’s so much fun and magic in childhood that gets lost when we focus too much on the future and “getting big.”

A 4-year-old’s birthday party

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Even though I am a parent to a four-year-old, in the grand scheme of early child parenting, I really haven’t attended or taken Kaia to that many birthday parties. Most of the “birthday parties” she has been to have been held at her school within classrooms, and the kids get some version of a cupcake or cake/ice cream, along with a goodie bag of toys/treats to take home. A friend in our building, whose son turned 4 today, told me that she really hated kids’ birthday party setups here, such as the ones at places like kids’ gyms and play spaces because it was really all about the kids playing and goofing around, along with some crappy “included” food like cheap, greasy pizza and soda — none of which grown parents would enjoy and would just suck up since it was part of the overall fee. And the fees are quite expensive: they are not something to sneeze at, especially when your kid is so young and will barely remember most of these things — other than through photos.

So she said that she preferred intimate gatherings with local friends and their kids. If they were traveling, they’d have dinners and cake cuttings with family. Today, she hosted us at her place just several floors down, where along with some local friends and their kids, we ate Popup Bagels (today, I learned these are for dipping, not for slicing and filling!), drank champagne, and also enjoyed two delicious, very “adult” cakes from Delice Macarons, a local French bakery on the Upper West Side. One was chocolate mousse cake (gluten free!) shaped like a mini chateau, while the second was another chocolate mousse with a very delicious and refined raspberry gelee. While I chatted with the other parents and kept a casual eye on Kaia to ensure she didn’t break anything, I thought to myself — this is such a refined birthday cake for a four-year-old child. Most kids of his age would never appreciate or even know how good they had it to have a cake this meticulously made — and probably very, very pricey! What a little dream to have a chocolate chateau as your birthday cake!

But that’s also what I think of Kaia Pookie: she has no idea how wide and refined of a palate she actually has. She doesn’t realize that she has such a breadth of cuisines, and has really only been exposed to fancy, gourmet chocolate — with the exception of that Twix she ate last October. ‘Tis the life of little kids who have food-appreciating parents as their mamas and daddies.