Category Archives: family

Kaia loves big spaces and roaming around her “Sumi and Topey’s house” and garden

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Kaia has decided to rename Suma and Topa (her paternal grandparents) to “Sumi and Topey.” I guess “Suma” and “Topa” were not loving enough names, so she had to give these appointed names a slight revision to make it more sweet for herself. Of course, Chris’s parents have lapped this up and love their revised names by their granddaughter. Kaia has enjoyed spending lots of time in Topa’s study “working.” She takes his main big computer desk chair and relegates him to his tiny “guest” seat, and they sit at the desk together “working.” Kaia usually listens to Ms. Rachel or her favorite K-Pop song “Golden,” while Topa does his usual computer activities at her side. Then, when Kaia decides she gets bored, she runs out, puts on her sandals, and runs all around the garden, oftentimes with her Sumi in tow. She throws her big Bluey ball around and starts dancing all along the backyard lawn. She’s been keeping Sumi company while she hangs laundry up to dry on the line. Today, she started collecting all kinds of random tiny shells that lined the outside laundry area and declared she was discovering all kinds of interesting things that Sumi didn’t know existed in her own backyard!

For the last week or so, she keeps announcing how much she loves Sumi and Topey’s house. She says, “SUMI! I LOVE YOUR HOUSE! TOPEY! I LOVE YOUR HOUSE! I LOVE IT! I LOVE THE GARDEN!” And then she lovingly glances at both of them. Today, she looked up at me during breakfast and said, “Mama, I love this house. I don’t like our house.”

Yes, well, it is hard to compare a suburban four-bedroom, four-bath, two-story house with a two-car garage, plus a front and backyard that fully wraps around it, with a two-bedroom, two-bath apartment in a large high-rise building in the middle of a concrete jungle, especially for a child as young and small as her. For Pookster, our Manhattan apartment is her benchmark for “normal.” I am sure she runs up and down the stairs at Suma and Topa’s house and all around the large rooms thinking she’s sprinting around some palace, relatively speaking. And then, if it wasn’t enough, she gets access to Chris’s aunt/uncles’ homes that are also large in comparison to our humble abode, and she just thinks she’s in some paradise. Today, I gave her a tour of Chris’s dad’s older brother’s garden, showing her the various trees, having her sniff the star jasmines that were in full bloom, and showing her the apples growing on her second cousin’s tree. I had her tear off a couple curry leaves from their burgeoning curry leaf plant, and she sniffed the familiar and unique scent of citrusy, nutty, anisey, oniony, even piney aroma. She then grabbed a bunch of the curry leaves, ran back into the house, and announced loudly to multiple cousins that she had curry leaves in her hands!

Sumi, Topey, and I reassured her that her house is fun, too, and we all love it. She loves it, and she has all her favorite books, stuffed animals, toys, and other “friends” at home waiting for her there. She also has her own bathroom at home, which she doesn’t have here. She smiled, stopped saying she didn’t like our home, yet still kept repeating over and over how much she loves this house. Well, it’s hard to not love this house given the amount of space and privacy you can have. But I look at it like dessert or treats: it’s something you get once in a while at special times of the year, but you cannot have it all the time, otherwise you would just take it for granted and not appreciate it as much. Both Kaia and I are lucky to be able to share this home when we come back with Sumi, Topey, and their eldest son. I’m always happy every year we come back and we can enjoy this beautiful place together. It will always be one of Kaia’s happy places — how lucky that she gets a nice, warm, loving home in both the Northern and Southern Hemisphere.

Family dynamics and commentary at Christmas

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Today, we spent Christmas day and Chris’s 44th birthday at his dad’s younger sister’s house. This sister has three daughters, all of whom have moved to different parts of the world (Perth, New Zealand, and Canada). From everything I’ve observed about the way this aunt and her husband have raised their kids and the relationship they all have with each other across five people, it’s probably one of the happiest, most healthy and functional family dynamics I’ve ever been exposed to on a semi-regularly basis (okay… semi-regular as in once a year for many, many hours at a time). The kids all keep in touch with their parents. They have a loving sibling relationship with one another and always speak favorably about each other. And they are all supportive of their parents.

As I was chatting with another aunt during lunch today, she was observing how helpful all three daughters (and even one of the daughters’ husbands) were, as they seemed to have something like an assembly line of “getting shit done” going: one daughter was gathering plates and silverware that were no longer being used, another was scraping off food scraps into a bin and arranging them into the dishwasher, and the third was wiping down the kitchen island and rearranging napkins, plates, and desserts into their places. This was all while their parents were consolidating food into smaller containers and organizing other snacks for guests. This aunt, who has two sons, told me that though she was happy her oldest was close and would be here when she hosted all of us over tomorrow on Boxing Day, she was still sad her youngest son in London plus his daughter could not be there). Because not only would that mean she could see both of them, but she’d have an extra set of hands to help since she’s getting older and more tired. I reassured her and told her I’d be happy to help — I don’t really look at it as “work” since it’s easier when more people pitch in.

This aunt kept peering over at her three nieces at work in the kitchen. “It’s just always so nice when all the kids are home. It’s more lively and fun, and they can help out with everything, as well!” She paused for a moment, then glanced over at Chris’s brother, who has infamously been known in the family to not really help out… with much at all, anywhere, and be totally oblivious to this fact (and perhaps even worse, not care). And then she added while continuing to look at him: “Well, it’s happy when most of the kids help out.”

That’s the thing about family: you can love them to bits, but they can truly annoy the fuck out of you regarding how unaware they are of their own deficiencies that negatively impact everyone around them. But I suppose that’s what family is all about: loving your family, blood-related or chosen, despite their imperfections… and maybe even sometimes because of their imperfections. In these cases, at least it provides some comic relief.

When socializing drains you

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In the last couple months, a few different publications have been citing studies regarding what is the optimal amount of time to spend socializing at one time, whether that’s with a single friend, a few friends, or at a large event with friends or colleagues (or even strangers for networking/new relationships). On average, it’s been said that the upper limit of time is about three hours. Of course, some might last longer, and some are shorter, but everyone gets drained eventually, depending on the setting (new people/conflicts are harder), and individual energy levels during that given time. When I catch up with a friend or a group of friends, I usually try to allot about 2-3 hours for it. And usually by the time I’m done, assuming it’s not less than two hours, I usually feel like my cup has been “filled,” and I’ve had enough time to interact with them and get “caught up.” When the time is longer, it’s usually when that friend or I are also including lazy catch-up time, which would include time at someone’s house (so there’s no risk of keeping seats/tables away from others at a cafe/restaurant).

During the Christmas period when we’re in Melbourne, we’re usually at one of Chris’s relatives’ homes or his parents’ house for a family gathering for anywhere from three to four consecutive days. Each gathering lasts anywhere from 4.5-10 hours long. It’s his one time of the year to catch up with the majority of his relatives on his dad’s side. Because he doesn’t have family drama and genuinely likes these relatives, he looks forward to this every year and wants to maximize every single night by staying with everyone for as long as possible. I, on the other hand, get maxed out after several hours (hey, like the study says…) and just want to do my own thing or be away from the crowd and have a 1:1 conversation with someone far away from the screeching and high pitched laughter that prevents me from hearing anything, or just play with Pookster. I get along with everyone; I’ve had 1:1 conversations with every single person in his family, and the majority have been at least somewhat interesting and meaningful. But I don’t feel a need to be with all of them for six to ten hours at a time that many days in a row because I find it tiring. I do it because I am a good spouse and because he says he doesn’t want to be anywhere else for Christmas (which is also his birthday) ever. As they (never say): Happy husband, happy life. šŸ˜›

So, I do what almost everyone else other than him does during this period to get through it: I take little breaks and try to get away from everyone every few hours, and it pretty much goes unnoticed by everyone. And since Kaia’s been in the picture, I have an even bigger and better excuse to sneak away. But until the last few years, I didn’t actually realize other people were doing this, too, until I started really watching. His brother will leave a room and go off to another unoccupied room and doom scroll on his phone. Tonight, he asked if Kaia would be interested in taking the scooter out with him in the garden for a little ride (I have no idea if this actually happened, but I doubt it because after he asked me this, he disappeared for at least 30 minutes upstairs). Chris’s dad will disappear with Kaia to go anywhere from his study to his bedroom, where they have sat on his recliner seat and even had a snooze together. His aunts will immerse themselves in cleaning and reorganizing pantries and cupboards that don’t truly require immediate action to avoid active, in-depth conversation that is not small talk. A cousin will go off into the garden on her own and start peering at different trees and flowers. Another cousin will wander into rooms where the others are to look at photos on the walls or in frames for ages.

Chris’s aunt, who turned 71 yesterday, told me that sometimes, she just doesn’t want the big family gathering at their house every year because it’s a lot of work — planning, grocery list making, food prepping, cooking, reorganizing furniture and cleaning. And the older she gets, the more tired she feels even by what used to be the simplest tasks. But she says she does it because she knows how happy it makes all the cousins, and seeing them happy makes her happy. That’s also what this time of year is about — sacrificing for the happiness of others.

We all want togetherness, but in doses. So we find ways to do it, enjoy it, but also preserve ourselves. And at this time of year, there’s a lot of social pressure to socialize (how eloquent) and be with friends, colleagues, and family. Tomorrow, I may just take a break and go downward dog in the next room and see if anyone notices.

Watching your child while she’s unaware you’re watching

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The first time we were able to observe Kaia without her knowing was at her first daycare/school, where we had in-class camera access throughout the school day. It was interesting to have that view into how she acts not just with other adults/figures of authority without us there, but also how she mingled with other children of various ages.

When I’m staying at Chris’s parents’ home, there are many times I’ve observed her when she hasn’t been aware. The easiest times are when she’s in the backyard, frolicking, running, and playing with Chris’s mom. She thinks I’m in the kitchen/lounge area cooking or doing work on my computer. And while I am usually doing those things, I often stop and just watch what she’s doing and how they interact with each other.

In the yard, they do things that you’d expect: they’re watering plants, picking up fallen leaves or twigs. Kaia is asking about flowers, and her Suma is quizzing her on colors and shapes. She’s also educating her on types of plants and what different leaves look like. I can hear them through the window discuss the maple leaves falling from their tree, and Kaia is giggling hysterically as she gathers a handful of fresh green maple leaves and starts throwing them about, causing Suma to get flustered and lightly scold her and tell her not to make too much of a mess. When Kaia gets bored of the flora education, she moves on and brings out her Bluey ball and demands that Suma kick the ball. When Suma doesn’t kick the ball hard enough or the “right way,” then Kaia gets mad and demands that she do it again and again and again… until it meets her “standard.”

I was watching them this morning, and I just felt this overwhelming feeling of happiness. I kept staring out at the garden, smiling at them. They were completely oblivious that they were being watched. It was almost like my heart was swelling to see how happy Kaia is to be spending time with her paternal grandma. The concept of “mudita” strikes again. She loves this house, the seemingly endless rooms, the stairs she can run up and down, the large bathrooms and the enormous space compared to our two-bed, two-bathroom Manhattan apartment. She loves seeing her Suma and Topa every day and knowing they will be there. Out of nowhere, she started yelling today, “Suma, I like your house! I LOVE YOUR HOUSE! I LOVE THIS HOUSE!”

I didn’t know that my heart could ever expand as much as it has being a mother. But I feel like it still hasn’t stopped expanding just yet. It feels like there is more love for her and our family to come.

Lack of comfort discussing the elimination of bodily wastes, and Poop and Fart Bingo games!

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Since Kaia was born, Chris and I have had an ongoing discussion about her poops and pees. Pediatricians and all healthcare professionals recommend it for parents to do for their babies since it’s the only way to know what actually went in (because… what goes in must also come out!). This is especially crucial if you are breastfeeding and especially nursing, since with direct breastfeeding, there is no other way to truly measure what the baby consumed. We used to keep a paper log, then a Google spreadsheet log. And then once Kaia turned 14 months of age, we would just have a verbal back and forth about it throughout the day or week. For us, we’re just trying to be good parents and track our child’s inputs and outputs, so we don’t see this being peculiar at all. We never saw it as something we liked or didn’t like to discuss; for us, it seemed like the responsible parent thing to do to ensure our child’s good health.

One funny thing I’ve noticed over the last four years now is that Chris’s parents are very, very uncomfortable with conversations around… the elimination of bodily wastes. It doesn’t matter if it’s pooping, peeing, or farting — they immediately look awkward and embarrassed, and his dad usually tries his best to quickly divert the conversation in another direction. He would shift in his seat, look another way where no one was to avert eye contact, and act as though no poop/pee conversation were happening at all. A number of times, his mom has gotten exasperated by the constant bodily waste conversation that she has exclaimed in many different ways, “My goodness! So much talk about poo and pee all the time! Will you still be keeping tabs on this for Kaia when she’s in her teens and 20s?”

Chris’s and my parents’ generation obviously had very different newborn/child-rearing advice than Chris and I’ve had. Things change and evolve over time, and I think on the surface, they do recognize this and try to follow our lead with most things we do for Kaia. With the poop/pee talk, there’s zero chance they could try to get us to stop it even if they wanted to because we’ll do what we need to do to ensure our child is healthy, nourished, and having the appropriate outputs in a day. It’s more just amusing to me how some people are so uncomfortable with actions that need to be done by all of us every single day, multiple times a day. It’s true that none of us really needs an audience there when we’re on the toilet or farting. But with child rearing, the conversation does need to be had. It gets even more hilarious because Chris and I comment now on how big and stinky her poops can be (this is physical proof that she eats a varied, well-rounded diet!) as well as how long her pees are, and his parents think we’re a little crazy about this. We also tell them how she loves to see her poops and peer closely into the toilet bowl after. And she loves to get reactions from me yelling out in Chinese, “What a big poop!” Sometimes, she even insists that I come over to see it when Chris is in charge of wiping her and going through the hand-washing motion together.

I thought about his parents’ lack of comfort around all things toilet related when we were browsing a shop along Chapel Street in South Yarra today, and we came across these games called “Poop Bingo and “Fart Bingo.” The Bingos are geared for playing with kids, and they are exactly what you expect them to be: they show you caricatures of animals and their different types of poop, as well as… what may come out of an animal’s anus when they fart (apparently, those potential… things that can come out are not technically poop!). I jokingly suggested to Chris that we buy them to play with his parents, and he chuckled and thought it could be funny. The better (and cheaper) side of me decided not to get it because the amusement would be short-lived, and they might play it once or twice with us and then stop. That probably would not be the greatest ROI (return on investment) on a gift.

Day trip to Nelson in the South Island, New Zealand

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Today, we took a quick 40-minute flight from the lower tip of the North Island in Wellington down to the northern tip of the South Island in Nelson. Kaia is very into all modes of transport, but she especially gets excited when we tell her we’re going to get on a plane. Now, she asks deeper questions, like what type of plane are we on? Granted, she’s not necessarily looking for answers like Airbus A380 or the Boeing 787 (aka the Dreamliner), but she does want to know if she’s on a small plane, a medium plane, or a big plane. She insists, as usual, that “I want the big one!” because she wants her own luxurious seat with her own TV and headset. Those are top concerns while flying for the Kaia Pookie now. In this specific case, she was not particularly pleased that we would be on a “small plane” and that she’d have no TV. Boo hoo.

Once again, we didn’t have to go through any security in the Wellington domestic terminal to board our quick flight to Nelson. Given it was a day trip, we also didn’t have much with us other than my purse and a canvas bag. When we arrived, Chris’s cousin came to greet and pick us up at the airport, and off we went on a full day’s itinerary lovingly planned by her.

We started our Nelson day trip at Pic’s Peanut Butter World. I always enjoyed peanut butter, but my love for peanut butter only came about once I discovered Massachusetts’s based Teddie Peanut Butter while I was in college in that state. In my opinion, their peanut butter is the best peanut butter I’ve ever had — the peanuts have a really well rounded flavor, and it has (what I consider to be) the perfect amount of salt — not too much, not too little, but just right! So when I heard Chris’s cousin and husband raving about Pic’s, of course I was intrigued, but I was also skeptical. I’d never been on a peanut butter factory tour, and obviously I’d welcome the opportunity. So we went altogether today with his cousin, her husband, and their baby, and we had the full experience. This included a guided tour, seeing the peanut butter factory line in action, and reading a lot of fun facts about both Pic’s and peanut butter in general. The tour ended with a tasting of a selection of their peanut butters and honey. And when we finally tasted the standard peanut butter with 0.5% salt (that’s their default), I tasted it… and I came to the quick conclusion that Teddie was still my number one peanut butter. There was no way Pic’s was going to dethrone Teddie for me. Since Chris’s cousin got us a family pass, it included two jars of peanut butter (styles of our choice out of three). So I definitely was going to take them home and eventually eat them. But even after this, I have yet to taste better peanut butter in the world than my beloved Teddie. That is all.

We stopped for some views and coffee in Mapua, then headed over to Moutere Hills Cellar Door for a winery lunch his cousins had booked us. We enjoyed a really delicious slow cooked New Zealand lamb shoulder with seasonal vegetables (New Zealand lamb in New Zealand was definitely on the to-do list while here!), and Chris enjoyed his glass of local reserve chardonnay so much that he decided to buy a bottle to bring back to Melbourne.

Then we had a real treat and surprise I was not expecting: Chris’s cousin organized a private berry picking experience for us. The usual berry farm they go to had shut down, but she wanted us to have the full local Nelson experience with berry picking given our trip was timed during the short window when the berries would be ripening. Unfortunately, the place she found said they wouldn’t be opening for another five days. She direct messaged the business on Instagram, telling them she had family visiting from New York City who would really, really enjoy a local New Zealand berry picking experience. Incredibly days later, the owner responded and said we could all come! But she noted that since we’d be about a week early, there wouldn’t be as much ripe fruit as we’d like. Chris’s cousin took that chance, and we went!

The farm was ripe with boysenberries and raspberries, and we managed to fill two punnets of both of these delicious berries. Boysenberries were particularly a treat for us: even though they are a hybrid berry originally created in the U.S. (it’s a blackberry, raspberry, dewberry, and a loganberry!), boysenberries are pretty much unheard of and unseen there unless you are lucky and manage to find a boysenberry jam jar. You see it more often in jams and ice creams in Australia and New Zealand, though, and I got so excited that we were actually going to pick these berries today! The owner came out and gave us a mini lesson on boysenberries: they need to be super dark reddish purple, almost black to be ripe and sweet. For these, you’d know if they were ready for sure if they came off easy when you pull them off. The red ones were NOT ready to be picked and would be too tart. Kaia had a field day eating endless berries right off the bushes and helping us fill the punnets. I loved seeing how excited she was, eagerly plucking the berries off the bushes and greedily shoveling them into her mouth. And she got an even bigger treat at the end: this farm specializes in “fresh fruit ice cream,” so soft serve with the fresh farm fruit blended in, so she got to have a cone of boysenberry fresh fruit ice cream — it was so creamy, fruity, and utterly delicious. We also picked raspberries, but this was slower given far less berries were ready: most of the ripe raspberries were higher up on the shrubs and a bit harder to reach (especially for Kaia). I was actually surprised when comparing the raspberries to the boysenberries. I initially just assumed both berries were just as delicate as each other. Yet somehow after picking so many of each, I quickly realized that boysenberries were definitely far more delicate and easier to break/get squished. I guess that’s why boysenberries are usually used in jams and pies, and not easily sold in grocery stores or supermarkets.

We ended the day with a visit to Chris’s cousins’ home before being whisked back to the airport to catch our flight back to Wellington. Kaia enjoyed her time with her little baby cousin, and because Chris’s cousin packed us our freshly picked berries, she also has more fruits of her labor to enjoy the next few days. It was so fun to have a day trip fully planned and coordinated by Chris’s cousin, inclusive of transportation! It really was a treat to see how beautiful the northern tip of the South Island is — the view from their deck was so beautiful and serene. It was the complete opposite of the view from our windows in our Upper West Side high-rise apartment, where all you see is a concrete jungle with endless traffic below you.

Melbourne: a Vietnamese food mecca, and when I get my Vietnamese food/bakery fix

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Over the last ten years, I’ve been really excited to see how modern Vietnamese restaurants have spread throughout New York City. Most of these spots are owned and operated by second and third generation Vietnamese Americans who saw the lack of really good Vietnamese options in this great city, and wanted to solve for that. While I love these restaurants, they unfortunately have not filled in the gap for Vietnamese bakeries. The mere concept of “Vietnamese bakery” is very, very foreign in New York City, which is odd given how diverse the population there is. The closest thing I have seen to a “Vietnamese bakery” in terms of selection of both (“Asian sweet”) sweet and savory options would be Banh Mi Co Ut. But the selection is relatively small, and frankly, it’s quite pricey given the small portion sizes. When I pick up something like banh da lon (Vietnamese pandan, coconut, and mung bean steamed layer cake) or banh gio (a savory steamed cake made of rice, quail egg, seasoned pork, mushroom), whatever I get is meant as a little snack for one person; it’s not really meant to be shared given the small size. But the thing is — Vietnamese food is like the majority of Asian foods: they are meant to be shared; Vietnamese people don’t usually order a la carte unless it’s banh mi or a bowl of noodle soup. So this always felt a bit awkward for me when I’d pick up one thing at Banh Mi Co Ut and know I’d inevitably have to split up what was already a small portion.

Well, Melbourne’s Vietnamese options are not lacking in the slightest. In fact, it’s probably one of the most diverse places when it comes to ALL Asian food in the entire world. Melbourne has not one, not two, but THREE Vietnamese neighborhoods for you to choose from: Springvale, Richmond, and Footscray. Our favorite area that Chris has been taking me to since year one of my coming down under for Christmas (that is 2012 — 13 years ago!!) is Springvale. I love the sheer variety of restaurants, hole-in-the-walls, the multiple shopping centers filled with little eateries, shops, bakeries, butchers, fresh foods, prepared foods. It feels like a more modern version of the markets you see in Vietnam. Granted, we usually go back to the same places at least once each visit (Bun Bun Bakery for banh mi is our all-time favorite and must-visit; HS Cakes is our beloved bakery for durian cakes, crepes, and ice cream — this is also where one of Kaia’s 1st birthday cakes came from – durian cake!)), but we also try to check out new spots to branch out. So it ends up being a mini food crawl while there.

Today, we started at Bun Bun Bakery and shared a bbq pork and mixed ham roll (“mixed ham roll” is essentially the traditional Vietnamese banh mi that has all the cold cuts, plus the usual fixings of Viet mayo, pate, pickled daikon/carrot, cilantro, chilies). Then we walked through the Springvale shopping centers to explore all the local fresh fruit, and we ended up sampling and hauling home 1.5 kilos of super plump, bright pink lychees, and another kilo of huge, fat passion fruits. Kaia got to admire different vendors in the shopping center stuff banh mi to order. I also stumbled upon a huge stand called Ben Thanh Hot Bread and Cakes, where my eyes immediately gravitated toward the fried sesame balls stuffed with mashed, lightly sweetened mung bean (it’s the Vietnamese equivalent of the Chinese jian dui). I picked up one of these for $2 since Chris doesn’t really care about these, and I figured Kaia might just have a bite (and this sesame ball was super fresh – the texture was deceptively light and airy, and the outside was so crispy!). But then, I saw that there were multiple pre-packaged containers of my favorite banh da lon, which Kaia also enjoys. And unlike at Banh Mi Co Ut, this container had four fat slices! I asked the vendor how much it was, and she told me it was $6.50 AUD. That’s just over $1 USD/slice! I felt like I had hit the jackpot!

So I paid for the banh da lon container, and we parked ourselves at a little bench inside the shopping center so that Kaia and I could enjoy them. I showed her the container and asked her what it was, and she immediately recognized it and went crazy.

“I want it! I want it!” Pookster said over and over again with the most eager-beaver grin on her face. Kaia practiced daintily peeling the layers apart and then not-so-daintily stuffed them into her mouth.

These banh da lon slices were so luxurious. They were so soft that it was clear to me these cakes were freshly steamed that morning. The layers peeled easily from each other, so it’s also just a fun thing to eat. The fragrant pandan and coconut, the nutty and creamy mung bean layer, the fun glutinous rice texture — these slices were just perfect. The ones at Banh Mi Co Ut – annoyingly it’s unclear how “fresh” they are because when they give it to you, it’s pretty hard (that’s a sign they were refrigerated or even frozen). And so they advise you to microwave it for about 30 seconds when you’re ready to eat it.

We also stopped by a very popular and casual Malaysian restaurant for some quick drinks and roti canai and roti telur, then picked up some taro ice cream for the road from HS Cakes. Everything was delicious. But I will admit that for me personally, the biggest food highlight of the day was that Ben Thanh bakery stand stop (I still loved Bun Bun very much, though, so I hope they aren’t offended). I got two items from there, and both were 10/10 for freshness, tastiness/quality, and value. I think Kaia would also agree with me. I am definitely adding that bakery stand to my regular rotation for all future visits!

I will always love Vietnamese bakery foods and have a soft spot in my heart (and belly) for them. But of the places we go to regularly, Melbourne, and specifically, Springvale, is really the main place where I can get my fix for these cravings. Just the mere sight of these items being available always makes my eyes glimmer.

Happy 4th birthday to my little love Kaia Pookie

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My sweet Kaia Pookie: You are my purest joy and all at once my most intense infuriation. Every day, I learn more about the meaning of happiness, joy, and love – all because of your sheer existence.

Earlier this year, I read a book by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu that discusses the concept of ā€œmudita,ā€ or sympathetic joy, a joy that celebrates othersā€™ joy, delights in the good fortune and happiness of others without jealousy. And I realized that because of you, I get to experience that feeling every single day when something excites and delights you. Your happiness is my happiness; your pain is also my pain. We are inextricably linked for life. You are never going to escape me even if you want to!

Some days, I wish I could bottle up our moments together, that I could keep you safe and whole and little in my arms forever. But every day, my little love, you are getting bigger and bigger and less and less little. For now, though, you are still my little one, and Iā€™m still your safe place. And that is enough to make this moment of your sweetness eternal in my heart. I hope you always know how hard I am trying to be the best mumma to you, the best example to you that I can possibly be.

It sounds a little ridiculous considering how many people get pregnant and give birth every single day, but every day, I count my blessings and consider myself so, so lucky to have you in my life. I know others who have not been as fortunate to have children who wanted to become parents, and so I know that the gift I have is not one that everyone is privileged and lucky enough to experience.

Happy 4th birthday, my sweet Kaia Pookie, aka Hoji, aka Pookster. You are my forever love, the one who has given my life far more sweetness and joy than I ever could have previously fathomed. Thank you for being my sweet, cheeky, rambunctious little Pookie Pie every single day. Mumma and Daddy love you more than words could ever fully express.

Annual visit to Sixth Avenue and the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree

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It’s our last weekend in New York for the year, and today, we walked down to the 40s to check out all the beautiful festive Christmas decorations along Sixth Avenue. Chris and I have been doing this for so many years that I’ve lost count how many times we’ve done this. And now, we do it with Kaia. All the usual fun decor was there, including my beloved super-large red Christmas ball ornaments, the nutcrackers, as well as the candy canes on “ice.” Endless Christmas trees decorate fronts of corporate office buildings. And then of course, there’s the magnificent Rockefeller Christmas tree.

Every year, it doesn’t matter what time of day you go or whether it’s Saturday or Sunday, but the entire area around Sixth Avenue and Rockefeller is completely mobbed. Getting through is never fun, and it always feels claustrophobic, especially when you have a young child in tow. You walk at the pace of snails, and the crowds are just endless. But we brave it to see our favorite Christmas decorations and the gorgeous tree. Once we finally reach the tree, it always feels worth it. It really is so extravagant and gorgeous — and SO tall and large! This year’s tree was particularly fat and bushy on the bottom. I really liked how “full” its butt was. We look at it for a few minutes, snap a few selfies and act like tourists and try to see if anyone is around who can help us take a picture of all three of us. And then we head back home.

Every year, people come from the suburbs, Long Island, upstate, the tri-state area, and all over the world to see Christmas in New York. We live right here and get to enjoy it as much as we want. Every year, I am reminded of how lucky I am that I get to live in this great, big, endlessly fun metropolis. World-class performances like the New York City Ballet’s The Nutcracker happen just three blocks from where I live. The best performers in the world come through here every single day. The food and culture here just defines diversity. New York does the festive season really, really well. And I’m so happy to call New York City my home.

To be loved is to be challenged

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My friend, who has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for over five months now, has been telling me that he’s getting frustrated with her for being too intense and asked her to be “gentler.” In general, she’s a pretty serious, goal-oriented person, and she tends to say what she thinks and says exactly what she means. With him, he’s used to being indirect, passive, “not rocking the boat.” But to my friend and me, we find that quite boring… and meaningless. There’s no point in causing chaos for the sake of it, but if there’s an important topic that needs to be addressed, then just put on your adult pants and talk. Plus, I don’t think you ever really know or understand anyone unless you know what their real opinions are on topics that truly matter.

I was reflecting on my own relationship with Chris and my past romantic relationships with partners. And when my friend and I were discussing it, I told her that I find Chris to be one of the most annoying and exacerbating people I know… But in some funny way, I actually love that about him. All my previous partners just got so boring and mundane after a while; predictability can be a true snoozer. I love that he challenges me, even when it’s just for the sake of it to be devil’s advocate, because it’s kind of entertaining, plus it makes things more interesting. But I also think that when people challenge you, it kind of forces you to firm up your own stance and ensure you aren’t just full of crap. Plus, the chances are high that if you are having these types of exchanges, you tend to understand the other person more. And we all need a little more understanding.

Here’s a funny and recent case in point: For the last 13-plus years, Chris has constantly made fun of Le Creuset enameled cast iron company I like. He says they are overrated, that Amazon Basics made a $30 version of a Dutch oven (that I was gifted by his aunt and uncle and have used every single week since while we’re in town) that was better and cheaper (Le Creuset equivalent goes for about $430 in comparison), that it was just another dumb brand. He also loves to purposely mispronounce the name and call it “the CREW-sit.” Regardless of what he says, I like them a lot and have admired them for decades, but I was always too cheap to buy one for myself. Plus, the items are SO heavy and would require good storage space; space is a premium in our apartment. Tonight, he had Kaia and me open some early Christmas gifts, and lo and behold, a bright orange Le Creuset box was waiting for me. Inside the box was a gorgeous Marseille-blue 3.5-quart braiser with a dual grill pan lid, so the lid can also be used on the stove, as well!

I stroked the pan and admired its beautiful Marseille blue shade. Then I went to hand wash it and almost immediately used it to cook pork and fennel sausage and mushrooms for tomorrow’s pasta. He knew I would love this thing, but he will never a) stop giving me grief over it and b) stop making fun of the brand and mispronouncing it purposely. He’s my challenging baby.