Category Archives: Contemplations on New York Life

Being in a real clothing store again – the madness and the new technology!

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I have never enjoyed the process of shopping for clothes — looking, trying on clothes, and well, no one likes paying for clothes. 😀 So when I stopped having friends drag me out on mall or shopping trips, the only way I was going to willingly buy clothing was online. And yes, that was a dream, especially in cases where the stores had either free returns or in-store return policies for clothing bought online. I could buy the clothes online, try them on at home to check for fit and whether they looked right on me, and if they didn’t work out, either drop them in the mail back or return them to a store nearby. The vast majority of all clothing I’ve purchased in the last 16+ years has been online, and I do not miss the in-store shopping process at all. The only times I’ve enjoyed it just a little are when I am traveling internationally and see more unique items, like at one or two shops I like in Australia, or when I’m looking at clothing for Kaia (because baby/toddler girl clothing is always fun to look at).

So in the last couple days, I’ve been seeing some potential summer pieces at Zara online, but their entire online shopping experience… kind of sucks. I was thinking that I probably should stop being so lazy with dressing (this all stems from being 100 percent remote with work) and actually buy clothing I want to wear that looks good and fits well… instead of always wearing all my AFSP volunteer shirts and other things I don’t care much about just for comfort. Especially now that I am probably going to get more involved in Kaia’s elementary school, I should dress up a bit more and try a little.

Zara is good in that they have this nifty option to check for in-store availability closest to you (and so far, it looks pretty accurate), so I found out that two pieces I liked were at their Bryant Park location. So I used that as an excuse to get some extra steps in and walk there before picking up Kaia in Chinatown. I walked in and was immediately reminded of why I hate in-store shopping: the store, despite it being about 4:15pm on a Wednesday, was mobbed. People were speed walking and even running across the store to grab pieces. It felt like a competitive sport being in there! People were rushing to grab items before anyone else claimed them. It was a little insane. Employees were restocking and being bombarded with questions (and some even had lines for people with inquiries). And I just felt a little dizzy navigating all of this and trying to figure out where these two specific items were. I eventually asked an employee, who was super friendly and able to get someone to fetch me the item from their stock room since neither of us saw one of the pieces on the floor (this was very efficient!). I tried one piece on (on the floor out in the open, and not in the fitting room because the line was 20+ people long!); luckily it didn’t require me to undress. And when I went to buy the shirt in the payment area, I simply dropped the item into a bin, which immediately scanned the item for what it was, the size, and the price. I paid by Apple Pay by tapping, was texted the receipt, and that was it! It was just like the buying process at Uniqlo — the only other shop at which I’ve bought in store in the last few years. The “cashier” line was nonexistent, as it’s all self pay with an attendant checking in occasionally.

This is the reality of in-store shopping now that I’m just ignorant to since I rarely shop in person — things are more automated and efficient. There’s less in-person support for payment. The “lining up” doesn’t happen as much anymore. But it also feels more “competitive” to be in store with getting the items you want in the size you need and as quickly as you need them. That’s too tiring for me! The ease of online shopping is just so, so much easier.

When Pookie stopped needing a middle-of-the-night pee

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When we decided to stop putting Kaia in an overnight pull-up, we knew she’d need to be woken up for a pee in the middle of the night because she pees a lot. I guess she is like her mother in that way: she’s always drinking lots of liquids, and as we all know: what goes in must come out! We originally started her overnight pee wakeup at around 11-12 because she’d end up wetting her bed at around midnight if we didn’t do this. Gradually, we started pushing it back to 12, 1, 2, and then 2:45, just as the Oh Crap! Potty Training method suggested in the famous potty training book. But something miraculously happened last week: Kaia actually went the entire night without needing to pee or wetting the bed until 5am. It was Chris’s night to wake her up to pee, and he had forgotten to set his alarm. He woke up early in the morning to check on her and found out she was still sleeping and still dry. So he took her to pee at 5am when he woke up. So the next few nights, the same thing happened, and she woke herself up to pee, or she went through the whole night without needing to pee. She woke up between 6-7am, and she was dry. And it’s been this way for the last week!

A while ago, I told Pookster that if she stayed dry all night, and/or woke herself up to pee in the middle of the night, that I’d finally get her wish of nail polish. I really wanted to put off nail polish for as long as possible, but she kept asking, and I figured this would be a good incentive she’s been asking about for almost two years now that I’ve rejected. So we got really excited and told her we were so proud of her, and she’s just this close to getting her much coveted child-friendly nail polish. But Chris wanted to add another step: she can get the nail polish when she not only stays dry all night and pees as soon as she wakes up, but also when she can fully wipe herself and wash her hands — all on her own. Kaia was not thrilled to her about this and of course threw a mini tantrum, but alas, life has its ways of putting more hurdles in front of you!

It seems like ages since we started doing middle-of-the-night wake-ups to have her go pee, and now it is all coming to an end before I even realized it. While you think I’d be thrilled about this, it still feels bittersweet. Every day, my sweet Kaia Pookie is getting more mature, bigger and bigger, and closer to eventually not needing me.

Call from school, and an unexpected urgent trip to the doctor’s office

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It was mid-afternoon today. I was in the middle of writing a long Slack message to someone to prep them for a customer meeting. And suddenly, I saw my phone ringing, and it was Kaia’s school’s number. So I answered it, and school administrator let me know that Kaia’s right eye was red and swollen, and she could barely open it and said it was hurting. I asked if she had gotten bitten by a bug at the playground, and the teacher said it was a possibility, but she strongly suggested I come pick her up as soon as possible and take her to Urgent Care because she was concerned. I told her I’d try to shift some things in my schedule to do an earlier pickup and would call her back. During that time, I did a quick inquiry with ChatGPT about the symptoms the admin shared, and this is the response it gave me:

“Given that she can barely open one eye and it’s red and swollen, she should be seen today, urgently—call her pediatrician’s urgent line now or go to urgent care/ER, especially if you cannot be seen quickly.

Possible causes include a bug bite/allergic reaction, a stye, irritation, or conjunctivitis, but the concerning possibility is periorbital cellulitis—a bacterial infection of the eyelid/skin around the eye. A rarer but more serious form, orbital cellulitis, involves deeper tissues and is an emergency. Children can have unilateral eyelid swelling/redness from these infections, and it can sometimes follow a small scratch, bug bite, or recent sinus/cold symptoms—even if those symptoms are not obvious. 

Go to the ER now if she has any of these: fever, eye pain, pain with eye movement, trouble moving the eye, vision changes, double vision, the eye bulging forward, severe headache, vomiting, unusual sleepiness, or she looks very unwell. These are red flags for orbital cellulitis, which needs urgent evaluation.”

So, as you can imagine, my eyes stay on “periorbital celluitis.” And I’m thinking, it can be that serious – are you for real? At that point, the admin sent me a photo of Kaia’s right eye, which was closed, very red, and puffy. This did not look good that she couldn’t even open the eye. So I dialed her pediatrician’s office and spoke with the receptionist, explained the symptoms, and she asked if I could come at 4. It was about 3:40 at the time, so I said I’d have to go from the Upper West Side down to Chinatown to pick her up and bring her to the office, so I could probably make it just after 4:30 if I pushed it. They squeezed me in and said Kaia would be the last patient of the day.

Well, when I went for early pickup, Kaia was already able to open her right eye. The swelling and redness had died down considerably, and her mood seemed to be more chipper. I told her we were going to the doctor’s office, so she got excited that we’d be taking the (new) B train to a stop we normally don’t get off at – West 72nd Street! She eagerly counted all the stops and then yelled when it was time to get off. Just based on her mood, I had a strong feeling this was a false alarm.

The doctor finally saw her and after examining and checking a few things, she said she’s concluded that Kaia may be having seasonal allergies. It didn’t seem like anything serious, so she gave me some children’s Zyrtec, gave me instructions in case the puffiness/redness came back, or if she wakes up with a red eye ball tomorrow morning. The doctor proactively wrote and filled a prescription for the eye drops in case her eye was red tomorrow, and she sent us on our merry way.

By the time we left, it was as though Kaia had nothing. That was lucky, as it easily could have been a lot worse. But I still felt better we had her checked with the doctor to be in the clear.

Chats with AI are great, but man, can they stir up the worst of the worst possibilities.

I love my child, but I do not necessarily love all children

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I have never been one of those people who have said that “all children are beautiful/cute,” or that I love kids. The truth is that I actually do not love kids at all, and that’s probably a huge reason that even when I was a kid myself, I never even for a minute considered being a school teacher (even though it’s fed to you as a [female] child that being a teacher is cool!). I know myself, and I know that I just don’t have the patience it takes to deal with kids and their tantrums, their constant irritating questions, their outbursts, and even things like peeing or pooping in their pants, even if it’s by accident. It’s obviously different when it’s your own child/children, but with other people’s kids… I could never even imagine proactively babysitting another friend’s child unless they were a baby who couldn’t speak.

Despite this fact, I always knew I wanted to have kids. I always wanted to raise my own child and know what that entire experience was like. I wanted to have a family of my own to nurture — I do think that I’m a nurturing, loving person by nature; I love taking care of others. So, now that I have one child of my own, I love her more than I ever thought possible. But that doesn’t necessarily change my original state of being, which is that while I may love my own child (you’d hope so!), I don’t necessarily love other people’s kids, even if they are the kids of my own extended family and friends. Some of my friends’ kids are extremely bratty and entitled. Others, even for their respective ages, are extremely immature and socially awkward and have made it pretty clear that no matter how sweet I am to them, they just will not give me any love at all, even if it’s a simple-high five. One of them has refused, for her entire existence, to ever give me a hug or kiss; in fact, she refuses even to wave hi or bye to me to acknowledge me! And then today, while out with a neighbor friend and her son, who is just a few months younger than Kaia, I was really at my wit’s end at times trying to control this kid and his tendencies.

First, this little friend kept trying to run into the street (and he actually did when there were cars coming and the light was red). This drove his mom crazy, as she’d obviously worry for his safety. I had to grab him a few times before he actually got into the middle of the street. Then, when I took out our Bluey bubble machine, he randomly started sticking it in strangers’ faces to blow bubbles just a foot or two away from their noses — this was not good at all. Then, he kept insisting on running into people on purpose while walking simply because he thought it was funny. And there was a good stretch of time when any time I tried to open my mouth to say anything, he’d talk over me and say that ‘Kaia’s mom isn’t listening to me.” I kept pretty calm overall, but I did have to shut down the bubbles in people’s faces, plus the “running into the street when cars were coming” situation a number of times.

Everything finally came to a head when we were just a block away from our building, and the little friend decides to try to run into the street yet again during a red light. This time, his mom finally lost all her patience and screamed at him while simultaneously pulling him back onto the sidewalk. Predictably, he started sobbing, and she had to carry him across the street and sit him down for a good talk. I mean… he kind of deserved it after being warned literally all day long?

In these moments, I always think about early childhood educators, and it’s really hard for me to comprehend having to deal with other people’s young children all day long. Their job is so, so tough. And it’s a very unappreciated job. These little kids are growing into their own selves, they are discovering their emotions and what their bodies and minds are capable of, and they are… simply growing. And that’s a lot to deal with, especially when there’s an entire classroom full of these bursting little personalities. I have moments with Kaia when she’s screaming and sobbing into my ear so loudly that I can barely hear my own thoughts, all over something innocuous when I wonder how anyone could ever willingly decide to deal with this more than once.

Amen to early childhood educators. I just don’t have the patience to deal with most other people’s children.

Ronny Chieng at the West Side Comedy Club

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Tonight, Chris got us tickets to see Ronny Chieng do test material at the West Side Comedy Club, which was convenient for us given it’s just about 15 blocks north of us. We’ve already seen Ronny Chieng live numerous times over the years. One time previously in the West Village, we also got to see him perform test material. This was pre-pandemic, far before he was ever a “star” in a major Hollywood movie. But his fun, vibe, and dead panning remain amazingly the same. We sat in the front row around the stage, and he made a comment about my sandals (modern Crocs!) and how they are definitely fitting of the “Upper West Side,” and so we must not live in the area (I corrected him). “Well, I guess it’s all the new money in the area, then!” he responded.

Are we “new money”?

When we were walking back down to our apartment, Chris noticed that Ronny actually was walking a little ahead of us. He was wearing his same outfit, with his test material notebook under his arm, and the same large bottle of sparkling water in his hand. I remarked to Chris that this was such a guy thing, to carry a loose notebook with important information in it completely unprotected out and in the open when it could easily get destroyed by rain (it had rained during the time we were inside the comedy club, and could very well start again given how summer rains are in the city). Chris suggested that I tell him this myself. So we walked a little faster to catch up to him, and that was how I greeted him. He recognized us from the front row, fist-bumped us for coming to his show, asked how we found out about the show and if we had seen him perform live before. So we walked together for maybe three to four blocks before we separated ways. He was on his way to another comedy club for another standup gig — always hard at work, doing what he is most passionate about.

With this interaction, he was nowhere as socially awkward as he was when we approached him at his test material night in the East Village. He seemed more confident, happier to interact with us, and genuinely grateful we’d come to see him live. I LOVE THIS GUY.

Indoor time versus outdoor time

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I had plans to catch up with a friend this afternoon. The weather was looking to be quite sunny and hot, and so she suggested we find a place that had outdoor seating to take advantage of this great summer weather. We were aiming to meet at around 3pm, so a lot of restaurants with outdoor patios/gardens would unfortunately not be open since it wasn’t quite lunch or dinner time in the middle of the afternoon. So I suggested we meet at Pier I, which is one of Chris’s favorite places to meet his neighborhood friend for afternoon beers in the summer time. It’s right at Riverside Park at around 70th Street and sits directly with a view of the Hudson River and New Jersey. While it’s a very nice outdoor space that is well laid out, has decent food and drink options, and even has a public restroom, I have actually spent very little time there. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve sat and enjoyed the outdoor time there.

When I was sitting out there with my friend this afternoon, this made me think about how much time in our lifetimes we spend indoors versus out. The stat that I found, according to the Building Green blog (not sure how reputable this is, but hey, it’s what first came up!) says that the average person spends about 90 percent of their entire life indoors. This number breaks down to about 87 percent of time spent inside buildings, and an additional 6 percent inside enclosed vehicles (this could be cars, buses, trains, or planes). This leaves only about 7 percent, or less than two hours a day, spent completely outdoors.

I don’t know why, but this sounded like a sad statistic to me. I realize that is weird given I have willingly chosen to live in a concrete jungle my entire adult life, but even major cities like New York have great outdoor spaces. And the restaurants and cafes that have outdoor gardens, patios, and seatings always feel like such a treat. It made me realize that I definitely do not spend enough time outdoors, and I personally should be seeking it out more — very intentionally, especially when the weather is good. That time is NOW since it’s summer! I am especially spoiled because we have an open air rooftop deck in our apartment building, so I have very easy access to “the outdoors” that is physically on top of my building. Chris reminds me that I don’t use it enough (well, no one who lives here takes advantage of that amenity enough!), and so I did spend some time up there reading before I went to see my friend.

So there’s a little goal on top of my body recomposition goal I have this summer: to spend more time outdoors, even when I do not *have to* (like walking to get groceries).

Trader Joe’s at 72nd Street Upper West Side closes, so Trader Joe’s at 92nd Street/Columbus becomes an even bigger zoo

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Late April, I heard the unfortunate news that my neighborhood Trader Joe’s at 72nd Street and Broadway had plans to temporarily close for about four months for renovations. I usually go to Trader Joe’s every other week and use that as some outdoor steps time for me, so I was sad about this. Now, the closest TJ’s to me is on Columbus between 92nd and 93rd Street. While technically, I still can walk, that’s a much longer walk, which means it will take more time, which means that it will require a bigger chunk of my day to go. And I usually try to go on a weekday late morning when my calendar is lighter to avoid the most insane crowds and lines. So until about September, I will need to more carefully plan my Trader Joe’s visits and be more strategic about when these will happen. And as such, I will likely go less frequently, which also means I will end up buying more items per visit. So my plan is to walk up there, get my groceries, and take the bus back down.

Today was the first day I did the trek up. The walk was nice; I always like walking outside in the mornings, especially now that it’s getting warmer with summer here. But as soon as I stepped into this Trader Joe’s at 92nd Street, I felt a bit overwhelmed. I saw people whizzing and running by me, a few in actual circles. Carts were nearly crashing into each other left and right. I lost count of the number of people who either bumped me with their cart/shopping basket or themselves. There was no real, clear flow of “traffic” in this store. Many of the shelves were already cleared out or near empty. I wanted to stock up on about two weeks’ worth of Greek yogurt, and my timing was just such that I was able to snag the last two quart-sized containers — pure luck. I’d never been in this store location before, and so I wasn’t used to the layout and got weirded out when all the cereals and cereal-adjacent items were not in the same area. The only thing I like more about this store layout versus my neighborhood TJs is that everything is on a single floor. I’d never liked the 72nd Street “two floors” situation. While that does help with traffic flow, I never like the lack of natural light on the lower level.

After I got all my stuff and paid, I was happy to be able to have the bus stop just a block away. But then when I got on the bus, there was barely any space for me: multiple people were there with walkers and strollers…. or their own shopping bags. I eventually got a seat in the back, but getting on was really uncomfortable with my three packed canvas bags full of groceries and trying not to step on anyone’s feet/stroller/walkers.

While I will definitely do this trip again in July, I am not sure I can go here every other week until September. That TJs location is a zoo with many accidents waiting to happen. And if that doesn’t already increase my stress level, the bus situation will also not be fun. Who would have thought about the bus being packed at around midday on a Monday?

ChatGPT Premium – Therapist, trainer, dietitian, work assistant, everything now

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Chris just got us a good deal on ChatGPT Premium, so instead of relying on my free version of Claude AI to answer my life’s deepest and most important questions, I am now deferring to ChatGPT Premium for what is obviously very, very premium answers. So I have a few chats that are completely disorganized and mislabeled in ChatGPT now, but they are mostly following along these themes: family travel/food/itinerary planning, workout regimen design based on my 40s status/perimenopause prep/desire to lose subcutaneous fat/build lean muscle, and a meal planning/prep plan to go with said workout regimen. I also ask ChatGPT questions about things that originally confused me, like why can collagen powder not be considered a “complete protein” that “triggers” the body to realize I want to build lean muscle (UGH, what a bad purchase given my goals). And also, why can’t my old pea protein powder be a “complete protein”? As you can see, “complete proteins” are very much top of mind the last couple months.

And then here and there, I have some work questions, so I have to ask ChatGPT to help me with research, changing my tone in a message, or drafting a message that I really do not want to write myself. So, ChatGPT really has become like my therapist, my work buddy, my trainer, my dietitian — almost my everything now. How can I even live without this thing now?? And just a year ago, I barely even used this thing!

Signs of a fancy breakfast

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Yesterday morning, Chris and I were invited to a new parents welcome breakfast at Kaia’s soon-to-be new school come September. It would be a mix of staff, current, and new parents so that we could all have an opportunity to get to know one another. I showed up at the event this morning before Chris did since he had to do school dropoff, and I took a quick scan of the breakfast layout. It had a lot of what I expected: a mix of bagels and spreads, pastries, yogurts, fruit, coffee, and tea. But what caught my eye immediately was the fruit spread: it was all raspberries and blueberries.

You know you are at a fancy, ultra-premium breakfast event when you see the fruit spread, and it’s all berries. We all know berries are some of the most expensive fruit (at least, here in the U.S.). There was no melon in sight, which I personally define as “filler fruit” that most caterers would use to increase the volume of fruit on a serving platter while decreasing their own costs. It’s usually too much cantaloupe and (god forbid) honeydew, and they are usually so bland that they end up just being sugar water.

The second sign this was a premium breakfast event was what Chris noticed when he took a look at the juice bottles in the ice buckets: there were bottles of cold-pressed Sumo citrus mandarin juice. These are the ultra, ultra premium, expensive, and hard to grow mandarins that we got gifted at Lunar New Year. I’d never seen this type of juice at any event or any store — anywhere. I ended up buying more and requesting Chris buy more of these. While he admitted that they did taste amazing and were worlds apart from regular mandarins, he asked me if I really wanted to continue buying these because I’d probably make our household go broke (half joking, half serious).

The event was enjoyable and worth the time. It’s clear there’s a great community here. And it’s also great to see that we’re paying for premium food for these events through our tuition money. 🙂

Longer days, warmer weather = happier self

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Ever since I was young, I have always disliked cold weather. The dreary, grey overcast days of the Richmond District of San Francisco always made me feel miserable. Then, when I made the decision to move East for college, snow was fun for about a hot second, and then it settled in to me that this atrocity would last about three months every year. Overall, I’ve really embraced the distinct seasons (especially spring, summer, and autumn), but I always have a general dread for winter because of the shorter, darker days and the extreme cold.

So when it starts warming up in late spring, I always get excited. The days are getting noticeably longer, and I can feel myself just feeling happier in general that I can look forward to lots of sun, natural light through our windows, and not needing to wear layers every day. I am the happiest when I can walk out my front door and not put on any layer on top – no zip-up, no windbreaker, no coat — nothing (other than a hat)! This time of year, I am definitely my happier self.