Category Archives: Contemplations on New York Life

What you think is common is not so common

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I feel like I’ve spent most of my life hearing people from outside the U.S., media, professors, teachers, older adults, and even my own husband talk about how stupid Americans are. Our literacy rates are pretty poor. Our math and language standards are significantly lower than in most rich industrialized nations. We have a lot to be embarrassed about from an education standpoint. But sometimes, people really, really shock me in ways I would not have otherwise guessed.

I was working on a shared Google Sheet with a colleague over the last few days. Both of us were editing it, and I had to hide a bunch of columns because I wanted to isolate certain columns of information I needed to work on another project. He got confused when he was in the sheet today and asked me why he couldn’t find certain columns of information. “Did you hide the cells or delete them?” He messaged me. “Can you please unhide them?”

I was baffled. I read the message twice before it suddenly hit me that he probably didn’t even know how to unhide the cells. How can you possibly be a white-collar professional in your seemingly late 40s and not know how to do the most basic functions in Excel or Google Sheets? And even if you didn’t know, go look it up — that’s what Google Search and all these AI applications are for!

Blizzard descends upon the Northeast

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While I was originally planning to take Kaia to the Lunar New Year festival at the Lincoln Center today, that event ended up getting cancelled due to the blizzard hitting the Northeast through tomorrow. Chris was listening to the official notifications regarding the blizzard: it would officially be declared a snow day tomorrow, which means there wouldn’t even be remote learning for older school children. All grocery stores would be closed, and very likely the majority of restaurants and businesses. Many subway trains would be running on weekend/reduced schedule. New Jersey Transit would not run. And they even implemented a travel ban for all non-essential vehicles in Manhattan within certain hours of the day.

For activities for today, Kaia’s swim class got cancelled since the college pool is closed. But her martial arts class in the morning still went on as planned. Chris grumbled that the weather sucked and that it was miserable outside; I reminded him that most Sundays, he never wants to go outside, anyway, and insists on relaxing on the bed with his computer. He responded and said that wasn’t the point: it’s actually about just knowing there’s an option to have a pleasant day outside. Plus, dreary weather always gets most of us in a sleepier mood, even when we haven’t done much at all to get tired.

A friend of mine in San Francisco is having her belated 40th birthday celebration there today. I won’t be there for it, but I messaged her to let her know I was thinking about her and that I hope she has a good time. She responded and said she completely understands why I don’t typically travel for leisure at this time of year: she saw reports about the impending blizzard and said that would definitely be terrifying for any planned air travel.

So I spent my Sunday doing what I usually do: morning yoga, a lot of cooking, some cleaning, and some playing with the Kaia Pookie. Tomorrow will be a snow day, so work productivity will already be lower. So we’ve just got to focus on the important things, which is staying warm, having enough good food to eat, and making sure that we stay sane with this continuous cold weather.

Kaia, almond croissants, and Almondine Bakery

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We were wandering around Dumbo, Brooklyn, today, finding new places (like the incredible Fontainhas Cafe — what delicious royal chai!), and revisiting old favorites, like Almondine Bakery. Almondine Bakery has long been on the “best of” lists in New York City when it comes to their croissants, and especially their almond croissant. They definitely do not skimp here: they have a really thick, generous layer of almond paste inside the croissant, along with a beautiful sprinkling of toasted, sliced almonds on top. We’ve gone here pretty much every year of Kaia’s existence; I still remember Almondine being one of the very first places where I did a diaper change for her in their bathroom (on the floor, with a mat!). As soon as she realized we were in a bakery this visit, she ran to the glass display cases and started pointing at all the colorful things she wanted to eat. But I told her that we’d get almond croissants (she cannot always choose at her age). She insisted she didn’t want an almond croissant; as of late, she has some mental block seeing almonds and walnuts in any form (even though she’s actually happy to eat them). When I bought the croissants over to our table, though, she immediately tried to pull the croissant out of the bag and wanted to dig in right away. But.. she started trying to pick off the sliced almonds on top and just eat the main croissant.

When we were leaving Almondine, I had her pose with the Almondine sign and take a photo there. Later this evening when reviewing my Google Photos, I did a search for “almond croissant,” and there I saw more photos across the years of Kaia at Almondine. We’ve taken so many repeat shots of her at the same place, year after year, that I could easily do a year-by-year, one after the other, photo slide show of her frequenting our favorite spots across this city. Our old faves may stay the same at the same locations with our same love for them, but our Kaia Pookie just keeps growing and growing. And her smile at these places is only getting bigger and bigger, too!

What is “chai”?

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My “to try/love/old standby” Google Maps favorites list is now over 800 places strong for the New York City area. It was too much effort and trouble to create a separate list for “to try” versus “loves/old standbys,” so I just know by looking at my one list which ones I’ve been to already and enjoy versus places I would like to check out. I had a little non-descript chai spot on my list for the Lower East Side, so I asked my friend to meet there today for a late afternoon tea catch-up session.

Since it was my first time there, I got their first and most popular drink, the masala chai. The description of the tea says, “black tea, cardamom, clove, cinnamon, ginger, black pepper.” The drink is slightly sweetened, and the cafe, as a standard, uses only oat milk. When I had my first sip of the chai, the first thing that hit me was the strong ginger flavor, which I enjoyed. But then the flavor that kept lingering, and not in a great way, was the cinnamon. The cinnamon just completely overpowered the other spices in this drink. I did enjoy it overall, and I liked the ambiance of this cafe, but I am not sure I’d come back here just for the chai (they have some other tea drinks on the menu, as well).

“Chai” means a lot of things to different people. “Chai” actually just means “tea,” but when used in a cafe context here in the U.S., it usually is referring to Indian spiced chai with milk. Everyone likes theirs made differently. Some people want just ginger or just cardamom. Some people like a mix of different spices. Some just want double boiled black tea with milk. Some people want a lot of sugar, while others want little or none. I’ve realized after having many different chais at different places, including across India, and also making my own, that my favorite chai is very strong on the cardamom and ginger, with a hint of fennel and clove. And if I am making it at home, I need to add about half a teaspoon of sugar (ideally brown or something else molasses-y) per cup to even out the inevitable bitterness that comes from double boiling CTC tea. As far as I am concerned, it’s not chai unless there’s ginger and/or cardamom. And unless I am in that type of mood, I never, ever add cinnamon to my chai because I find that it always overpowers all the other spices, especially the delicateness of cardamom, which is undeniably one of my favorite spices on the planet. The older (and supposedly wiser) I get, the more and more I appreciate fine, subtle flavors that whisper to you in the background.

The Husband of the Year award goes to Chris on the first day of the Year of the Fire Horse: the mad, spontaneous sprint to retrieve Banh’s banh chung!

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A few weeks ago, we had a decadent lunch at Banh on the Upper West Side, which is one of our favorite Vietnamese restaurants in the city. While there, I picked up one banh chung, or banh tet, a Vietnamese savory sticky rice cake that is steamed in banana leaves and stuffed with luxurious mashed mung bean and pork; it’s a traditional food that is painstakingly made for Tet Lunar New Year. Previously each Lunar New Year, I’d pick up a banh chung from the Vietnamese market I usually go to on Bowery off of Grand (assuming I wasn’t back in San Francisco around this time, which would mean my mom would gift me one from one of her favorite Vietnamese bakeries), but this year, I decided that since we were already at Banh that I might as well pick one of theirs up. Plus, the cost of the banh chung had been slowly going up each year at the market and by now was pretty much the same price as Banh’s (what costs aren’t going up?), so it wasn’t like I’d save much money, plus I’d be able to finally try Banh’s rendition, which I’ve always wanted to taste.

Today is the first day of Lunar New Year, the year of the fire horse. So I saved the Banh banh chung to steam today as part of our dinner tonight. I steamed, unwrapped, and cut it up, and I laid it out on the table. And Chris took one bite of it and declared that it was the best banh chung, or really, the best savory steamed rice wrapped in banana leaves, that he’d ever had — period. I took a bite of it and wasn’t totally sure it was the best banh chung ever since I’ve had a lot of these, but yes, it was really, really delicious. Every bite just seemed to melt into my mouth and burst with flavor. We gave Kaia a piece, and she devoured it in seconds, then asked for more. We were all immediate huge fans of Banh’s banh chung. And I immediately said out loud that I regretted not buying two when we were at the restaurant a couple weeks ago; I had contemplated it, but figured I could always get another banh chung another time, maybe even somewhere else.

Chris and I started talking about schedules for tomorrow. I knew that even if Banh didn’t sell out of their banh chung today that I would be very unlikely to go up there given I have an insane number of meetings on my calendar tomorrow. Chris then grabbed my phone, looked up whether Banh was even open today (it is the first day of Lunar New Year, after all), then had me call them to see if they still had banh chung on hand. I called the restaurant, and they said they still had eight vegetarian banh chung and five meat banh chung left. It was about 5:40; they opened their doors for dinner at 6pm. Chris had already gone into the bedroom to change. He grabbed the OMNY card, his kombucha bottle, and the Trader Joe’s canvas bag and was immediately on his way out. And less than 45 minutes later as I was finishing up Kaia’s shower, he walked through the door.

He came back with not one, not two, but THREE Banh pork-stuffed banh chung. Given the timing, I was pretty sure he did a mad dash to and from when he was off the bus or train. He came back, turned on our bedroom fan for his “summer breeze,” and said he needed to cool down. I took photos of Chris and Kaia with the much coveted and delicious Banh banh chung. Banh’s banh chung has likely ruined all other banh chung in the city for me. I do not think I can ever go back to buying the one at the Vietnamese market ever again. Two of these banh chung immediately got wrapped up to feed the freezer, and would eventually feed our bellies at a later date. The third banh chung was prompted placed in our fridge, to be steamed at some point in the next week or two for very-near-future enjoyment. After all, Lunar New Year technically is not a single day celebration as Gregorian New Year is to the West; Lunar New Year is a weeks long celebration of fireworks, endless feasting, and red envelopes!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how my husband Chris, on the first day of the Year of the Fire Horse, won the Husband of the Year award. He can be super annoying, stubborn, and painful to deal with at (many) times. But in these moments, he proves that his true love language is acts of service. Though… he will still not admit that this sprint to and from Banh to retrieve three beautifully and lovingly made banh chung was not entirely selfless, as he also loves this work of (edible) art just as much, if not more, than I do. And of course, Kaia Pookie will get her fair share, as well. The whole family benefits from this delicious deed.

Perceptions of commitment and “wealth” in the U.S. vs. elsewhere

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A neighbor friend in our building, who I regularly meet with for play dates with our children, goes to France about three to four times a year for vacation. Her partner has family in Strasbourg, and they like to spend time in Paris on most of these trips, as well. She had previously told me that they usually just get an AirBnB in the same neighborhood because they enjoy it, plus she likes to have her own kitchen to cook with local produce and ingredients. I never thought much of it until today when we had a play date at Complete Cafe and Playground, and she confessed that she actually didn’t use AirBnB when she goes to Paris, but instead actually owns a pied a terre in the fifth arrondissement there. She and her partner bought it shortly after their son was born, and they generally are very tight-lipped about it. She said she’s shared that she has this second home with fewer fingers than she has on her hand (outside of family).

I didn’t really mind; whatever friends or colleagues choose to share with me, I leave it at that. I generally don’t care to pry unless there’s some very specific reason to do so. But I did ask her why she didn’t want to share it openly, or initially with me. I told her I obviously don’t look at her any differently. She told me that a) she didn’t want her employer to find out, because they may look at her like she’s less committed to living and working in the U.S. and may flee to work in Paris or somewhere else in Europe instead, and b) she felt a bit subconscious about it because she didn’t want other people to think that she and her partner were more wealthy than they actually are.

My neighbor friend and her husband are from France and Turkey, so I guess their mindset does make sense. But given I am American, I found it a little funny because the truth could not be more opposite from what she believed. Most employers don’t care what property you own, if any. I’ve known enough colleagues who own a second home far away from their home base, so I don’t see this as a problem at all. And secondly, and this is just anecdotal — I feel like when Americans are able to afford and buy a second home, no one is secretive about it, and they’re more than happy to share it with everyone and their grandmother. Americans love sharing and flaunting “wealth.” It’s almost part of the ridiculous American dream to be this way inclined. I just found this to be an interesting perspective.

The Chinese invasion of bakeries and cafes in New York City

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Over the last year or so, there have been endless Chinese and Taiwanese bakery, cafe, and bubble tea chains and franchises that have opened in New York City. Because I always look at and “like” these posts on Instagram, Instagram knows what I am interested in. Plus, I am in Manhattan Chinatown almost every weekday to pick Kaia up from school, so I spend a lot of time wandering around the area to see what is new. What’s clear is that seemingly every month (if not week), a new chain/franchise bakery/cafe is opening here. It makes sense given that New York City is the largest city in the U.S., plus we have a massive Asian population. And to top that off, we have multiple Chinatowns! There are the main ones that everyone knows, like Manhattan and Flushing Chinatown. But there are also the burgeoning ones in East Village (!), Elmhurst, Forest Hills, Brooklyn, and even up in the Bronx. And from what I hear, Staten Island is becoming more and more Chinese by the minute.

All of the tea spots and bakeries are known for different things. Tea Pulse already has two locations within a five-minute walking distance of each other in Manhattan Chinatown. Molly Tea, specializing in jasmine tea, still attracts lines at all its locations, both in Manhattan and Flushing. Befine Cha specializes in bamboo oolong with a citrus twist. Tea Pulse is famous for their tea-infused lemonades, such as jasmine lemon, plus their Portuguese-style egg tarts. And of course, the massive Hey Tea is constantly rolling out new drink specials every month, with a test lab right in Times Square. We visited Flushing today, and of course, I had to check off some of the new bakeries on my list. NaiSnow just opened in Flushing in October and has since opened two additional New York City locations in Long Island City and even the Upper West Side (right by Columbia). They are known for having a mix of “healthy” fresh pressed juices and smoothies, plus indulgences like matcha tiramisu and caramel egg tarts. I picked up their matcha tiramisu egg tart today. And while I was waiting for that, Chris and Kaia got into the (quick moving) line for the three-week-old Bao’s Pastry, which is famous for its savory-sweet crispy pork floss cakes with its spongey inside, and their caramel egg tarts. While there since I was already in the line, I got those signature items, plus a single pineapple cake. That single pineapple cake had a pineapple jam filling that was so thick and fibrous that it is likely the only pineapple cake (feng li su) that reminds me of my all-time favorite pineapple cake in Taiwan — from Sunny Hills, which from what I have read, still stands as one of the most premium pineapple cake shops in all of Taiwan. We visited their shop in July 2017, and almost nine years later, I still remember how decadent and luscious that pineapple cake was, from the buttery crumbly outside to the rich, thick, pulpy fruit jam on the inside.

Although I generally avoid lines at restaurants or bakeries, I make exceptions for the places where the lines seem fast moving. And it’s not like we go to Flushing that often — it’s usually twice a year, max. And so I have the maximalist mindset when I go that if I’m going to go, I might as well make my trip worth it and try as many places as I possibly can — or, collect as many tasty treats, both old standbys and new ones, that I can feasibly carry by myself — or with Chris’s help. Who is going to say “no” to treats?

East Village – still one of the most fun and exciting places in New York City

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When I was young, green, naive, and 22, I thought I’d move to New York City and “live the life” by having an apartment in the East Village. Very quickly, I got the rude awakening that living in the East Village would not be as glamorous as I thought it would be, as it’s an area of the city that is notorious for having the teeniest, tiniest apartments possible. Plus, for those shoebox sized living spaces, I’d be paying an inordinate amount of money for the “privilege” to live there. I still remember when my friend and to-be roommate and I viewed a couple apartments in the neighborhood, and my jaw dropped when I saw one “kitchen” with a miniature, dorm-sized refrigerator in it. As soon as I saw that sorry excuse for a fridge, not to mention the apartment unit in general, I knew there was no way we could stomach living in this area and had to branch out — way out.

It’s okay, though. I honestly feel little loss there. I spent many Thursdays, Fridays and weekends hanging out in the East Village in my twenties and thirties. And though I never lived anywhere close to the East Village, I’ve always loved it and still always love going there. There are always fun nooks and crannies, holes-in-the wall dining spots I enjoy. The street art is alive and well; so are all the drugs and weed. It has some amazing bakeries and cafes. Oftentimes, many of the most interesting new restaurants and bakeries will open there and beckon. And the vibe there is forever fun. It doesn’t matter whether I am 22 or 40, but I will always love this neighborhood and never get sick of it.

I went down there yesterday to get coffee with a friend at a little Asian-owned cafe that specializes in fruit coffee, Not As Bitter. And it totally looks like it would be in the East Village: the outside is all black and textured. If you didn’t know any better, you’d look at it from the outside and think it was a bar or speakeasy. But when you walk in, it’s got cafe vibes, little tables that invite friendly chatter, and a beautiful line up of house-baked croissants and cookies. I had a durian-coconut coffee, while my friend had a grape-skin cold brew. We shared a pistachio orange blossom cookie flecked with large grains of sea salt. These are the types of interesting eats and drinks that always keep me coming back to the East Village – -and also keep my “to try” pins quite ample on my NYC food Google map.

Lunar New Year preschool performance and lunch party

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Today was Kaia’s Lunar New Year performance and lunch party, to which parents were all invited. This year, Chris and I both came; it’s her last year of preschool as well as her last year at this school. Plans have not been finalized as to where she will be going to kindergarten, so I’m not even sure if she will have any Lunar New Year performances or activities at her school next year. So I insisted to Chris that we both attend.

Just a week ago, I scored Kaia a new size 4T qipao / cheongsam via our Buy Nothing group, so I was excited to get her a Chinese cultural dress just in time for her Lunar New Year performance. She wore it today for the performance, and even did her little dance in a head dress that they made at school. It was interesting to watch her dance this year, especially when I remember what she did last year. Frankly last year, while she did do some of the movements, she was extremely shy performing in front of a large crowd of parents, and so she didn’t dance very much. This year, she did almost all the movements the way (I think) she was intended to. She definitely looked a lot more confident this year, and she was happy to dance, using all limbs. But unfortunately, the entire performance (of kids ages 2-4) was overshadowed by a wee 2-year-old girl, who was crying hysterically the entire time. Kaia also seemed to get a bit distracted by this other child’s crying, so she kept facing the direction of that kid almost the entire time. So unfortunately, my videos of the performance are marred by this. I guess I can always watch these videos and remember hysterical and screaming little Jenny!

After the performance, the teachers re-arranged the classroom so that tables were set up so we could all sit down and eat. As is usually the case, the teachers served the children first, and then the parents self served. The funny thing I always notice when the teachers serve the kids is that they tend to load up on the carbs with a side of proteins; they put pretty much no noticeable vegetables on the kids’ plates. So when I went to serve myself, I added some yu choy from the vegetarian yi mian (longevity noodles) to my plate. As soon as Kaia saw the long stems of green, she immediately yelled out and pointed at them, insisting she wanted some. She ended up taking almost all my yu choy and eating it nearly all at once (she also took some off of Chris’s plate). I had to go back and get myself some more yu choy. The teachers and parents around us all marveled at Kaia eating her vegetables as though it was just so incredible!

“I wanna go to [Australia] where it’s summer now!”

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To my pleasant surprise, even though it was extremely cold on Sunday going to and from the VHC Tet Lunar New Year Festival in Brooklyn, Kaia actually didn’t complain too much about the cold or walking. On both sides of the subway ride, we only walked about 6-7 minutes, so it really wasn’t that bad… even when the icy winds hit us. But while on the train, Kaia had some thoughts to share about the cold.

“Mama, when it’s winter here in New York, it’s summer at Suma and Topa’s house, right?” she asked me with wide eyes.

“Yes, baby… when it’s winter here in the Northern Hemisphere, it’s the opposite in the Southern Hemisphere where Suma and Topa are in Australia, so it’s summer,” I confirmed to her.

“Mama! I don’t like winter,” Kaia said with big frown on her face. “When it’s winter here, I wanna go to Suma and Topa’s where it’s summer! I wanna go to Melbourne because I don’t like the cold!”

This conversation was funny to me for a few reasons: 1) I love that she’s putting two and two together, beginning to understand the differences in seasons where we call home versus where her paternal grandparents are, 2) I also love (and laugh at) the fact that she thinks she can just snap her fingers and go to Australia during their summer time just because she wants to. She has no idea behind the financial costs of flying at high times of the year, of flying in general. She also doesn’t understand that it’s a commitment, that it’s a privilege to be able to have a mother who can work remotely for that amount of time and not have her job be in jeopardy (it’s also a privilege, in today’s day and age with soaring costs of living, to have a father who lives a “life of service [leisure]”, but that’s another topic for another day). How many four-year-olds are going to have the luxury of experiencing life in two hemispheres regularly… of flying on a long-haul flight from New York to Melbourne every year of their life thus far, and getting to see how amazing it is to escape the bitter cold of winter here for the summer there? Most Australians in New York I’ve met and known to date, at most, go back to Australia every other year… and that’s on the higher end. Almost no one I know other than Chris insists on going back every single year.

It’s going to be a work in progress to make sure that my only child doesn’t grow up to be some silver spoon, entitled child, who snubs other people for not seeing as much of the world as she has, or for being less worldly.