Monthly Archives: September 2017

Dentist dread

Posted on by
Reply

I went to see the dentist yesterday, and with my cleaning, I also had to get some restorative work done on my two front teeth. I am a teeth grinder at night. It’s a terrible habit, but one that I am unable to control because what I do in my sleep… is when I am not conscious. So I wear this pathetic, childlike mouth guard at night, which is very unsexy, but despite that, the grinding continues. The guard is there to lessen the damage to my teeth, but the damage still happens. So the dentist took x-rays and saw there were some cracks in my front teeth that needed some help.

Can you imagine going to the dentist when you are 31 years old and being told that there are cracks in your two front teeth that need some sealant? That’s like being told you’re at risk for becoming toothless for the rest of your life, at least, for the two front teeth that really matter every single time you meet or speak with anyone.

I can never get any good news at the dentist. Ever.

Fire alarm

Posted on by
Reply

I decided that after a lot of negligence that tonight would be the night I’d re-season my cast iron pan. Cast iron is known to be frustrating in that if it’s not seasoned properly, everything will stick to it. I followed the instructions by preheating the oven to 450 degrees,  oiling the cast iron pan inside and out so it was nearly dry, and then sticking the pan into the oven. Almost immediately did the fire alarm in our new apartment go off, and when I say “go off,” I really mean GO OFF. A little voice kept on repeating “fire!”, and the alarm, glaringly loud, just kept going on and on. I couldn’t figure out how to shut it off. I turned the air conditioner on, then the fan, then even opened a window (for the very first time in this apartment). I finally had to call the doorman to ask him how to shut it off (he reiterated how sensitive those fire detectors are). In the end, it went off on its own after the apartment cooled down a bit, but wow, is that thing sensitive. Everyone on my floor must have hated me.

These are the nuances you learn about your apartment the longer you live in it. Maybe next time I set the oven over 400 degrees, I will just need to shut the fire detector off.

Unfinished Business

Posted on by
Reply

Anne-Marie Slaughter, a prominent international lawyer, foreign policy analyst, professor and former dean of Princeton’s Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs, former Director of Policy Planning for the U.S. State Department under Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State… okay, she has too many titles and accomplishments, but the point is that she wrote this book that was published last year called Unfinished Business, which the media often portrayed as the counterpoint to Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In. Lean In primarily argues that change relies on the individual; Unfinished Business argues that change needs to happen at the societal level, but that means that the way we all think has to change. Obviously both are necessary for full and true equality of men and women, but there are a lot of points that Slaughter brings up that are a bit hard to swallow, especially when you realize you enable a lot of the behavior you may not rejoice about.

In her second and current marriage, she says that for the most part, she and Andy are equals… but are they really? They have raised two sons and generally share in teaching, disciplining, clothing, and feeding them, but why does it always feel like she is asking her husband to do things that he should just do? Why should she be checking with him about the medication they need to give the kids, or reminding him to give one of them a bath when he should just know it? Why does she always have a sense of urgency when it’s time to clean the bathtub or mop the floor, and he seems to think it can happen later and asks why it needs to be done at that very moment (which really means… probably never)? When it’s time to clean, she finds herself doing the lion’s share of the cleaning and organizing not because she thinks he’s unwilling, but because it’s just easier if she does it herself and doesn’t bother asking him. Because shouldn’t they both know that cleaning needs to get done?

He may be guilty of being less willing to clean, feeling less “urgency” to get those menial tasks done, but at the same time, she enables him by justifying in her mind that it’s quicker for her to take care of certain tasks. So she just gets them done. This then enables the imbalance in duties. So then the problem remains: how do they both have an understanding of what needs to get done and by when so that it doesn’t feel like one party is doing significantly more than the other, or that one is nagging the other to get things done?

This feels like my situation. Or maybe it’s the situation of most couples who live together because nothing is ever truly “equal” or egalitarian. But then that begs the question of what imbalance are you going to be comfortable with to really be happy and fulfilled? It’s all too easy to fall into gender roles in heterosexual relationships where the woman “owns” most of the domestic duties. But then that’s not really fair if both work, right? It’s far more challenging and a constant work in progress to continually evaluate how “egalitarian” the methods are that duties are divided and see what can be improved upon.

Finding medicine

Posted on by
Reply

I haven’t slept through the night in over a week because I’ve been waking up to cough up mucus or vomit. It hasn’t been fun, and it’s been very exhausting on my entire body. Lucky for me, last night was probably the first night I successfully was able to sleep more than four consecutive hours. I think I slept about six. I had a lot of different dreams throughout the night, but this one was the most vivid.

I was at my parents’ house, sick and in bed. My mother, as per usual, is nervous and not sure what to do. She’s pacing around the kitchen and bathroom attempting to locate the correct cough medication to suppress my coughing. “I think this is the one! Is it?” she’s asking herself.

Ed comes out of nowhere and passes through the kitchen. He quietly opens the kitchen cupboard, pulls out a bottle, and hands it to her. “This is the right one,” he said. He takes a quick look at me, and we make eye contact for a few seconds. And then, just as quietly as he entered, he leaves and shuts the door behind him.

He comes to save the day, and then he leaves.

Erratic route

Posted on by
Reply

After I checked out from my disgusting hotel yesterday at noon, I had an Uber driver take me from the hotel back to my parents’ place so I could rest for the remainder of the afternoon. The oddest thing about the drive, though, was that the driver took the most erratic route. The quickest way to get from the financial district to my parents’ house from downtown is via Pine, and it’s especially fast when there’s no traffic (and at around 1pm on a Friday, there was none). He did begin by taking Pine, but when we were reaching the end of it, he went on some weird back streets and continued to use backstreets all the way back to the Richmond. And another odd thing: one back street he took brought us right past the Columbarium, right past Loraine Court, where my brother now rests.

I felt guilty this week for multiple reasons — being in San Francisco for work and not being able to participate in our mid-year kick off event, which was the primarily reason I was out here to begin with. I felt guilty being laid up in a terrible hotel bed when I was supposed to be engaging with my colleagues and doing work. I felt bad using company expenses to not work and instead to vomit into a toilet while being sick. And I also felt bad knowing I’d have no energy to go visit Ed at the Columbarium. It would be the only trip I’d ever take to San Francisco since my brother’s passing that I would not have gone to visit him, and it made me feel terrible.

So maybe this erratic route was some strange, other-worldly way to acknowledge my brother, to acknowledge the fact that I wanted to see him and say hello despite falling ill and not being able to do as I originally planned.

Admitting bias

Posted on by
Reply

None of us are perfect. We all have our hidden prejudices and reasons for not liking certain people or even certain groups of people. I frequently say that I can’t stand men… but I also  say women really suck and make things so complicated when they don’t need to be. But I was really disappointed today when I came in to be told that my doctor from Tuesday wasn’t going to see me today and that a different doctor would be seeing me. I immediately was skeptical and thought this was going to be bad. And once the doctor walked in, I immediately knew I couldn’t stand him.

He was this old, immigrant Chinese doctor with a thick Cantonese accent, and he barely made eye contact with me. He didn’t introduce himself, came in and said, “Yvonne, is your throat feeling any better?” so no greeting, and basically immediately wrote me a cough suppressant prescription, a NEW antibiotic which he didn’t even explain until I asked him what it was for (laryngitis?!! because I still don’t have my voice back?!), and almost rushed out of the room, but then realized he forgot to check my lungs and breathing, and hurried to get that done. I was barely in the room with him for four minutes, start to finish. It was a rushed job, he clearly didn’t care or have any bedside manner, and despite my notes clearly saying I was coming from out of town, he told me to come back in a week. Just like my dad’s idiot retired Cantonese male doctor who said my dad didn’t have any heart conditions just two days before his scheduled double bypass surgery, this Cantonese male doctor is a total moron who should have his medical license revoked.

This is the reason the medical industry in this country is terrible, and is the reason so many people probably avoid doctors like the plague and ultimately die earlier than they should. If you can’t trust the ‘professionals’ who are supposed to help you, then who can you trust with your health?

 

Exceptional service

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve been working full-time for just over nine years now, and for the majority of that time, I’ve been in a client services role. When you work in customer service of any form, you will probably know that you rarely get compliments or praise from your customers; you’re more likely to hear about all the times you screwed up or could have done better. I’ve received plenty of internal praise, but it’s been only a rare occasion when I’ve gotten very specific, positive feedback about any good work I’ve done. It stinks, but that’s the nature of this job.

So as someone who is obviously receiving service constantly, whether it’s at a restaurant, in a hotel, or on a plane, I usually try to be as pleasant as possible. I know how hard the work can be, and how exhausting it is. I am usually forgiving of the blunders I encounter unless they are truly egregious. But maybe something I could be doing more actively is offering official praise.

On our Qantas flight from Sydney to LAX, we were upgraded to Business Class and had a comfortable setup, but as I have been ill, I was not able to enjoy the experience as much as I normally would. Our flight attendant, Tim, picked up right away that I was unwell, and he proactively filled my hot water with lemon and honey constantly without ever being asked. When I napped, I’d miraculously wake up to my half-empty water bottle being completely filled. He stopped by frequently when I was awake to ask if he could provide anything additional for me to make me more comfortable. This guy was like a god-send; to truly be god, he just could have gotten me some real fresh, non-recycled airplane air and then I’d have probably married him.

So I just finished writing him an official compliment on the Qantas site and sent it through. I think in my entire life, I’ve only written two official compliments for airlines, and this is the second one. We need to give more credit where credit is truly deserved.

“Hotels”

Posted on by
Reply

When I checked into my supposed hotel yesterday, I asked the woman at the front desk if there was a coffee maker or water kettle in my room. I had a feeling just based on how basic and bare the lobby was that the answer would be negative, but I wanted to know right away so I could prepare myself for supplies given that I’m unwell. She said that no coffee maker or kettle would be provided, just the “basic hotel amenities like towels, toilet paper, iron and ironing board. Things like coffee makers and water kettles aren’t provided by hotels; they’re provided by motels!” She had a slight smile on her face, as though she were educating me on the differences of classes of accommodation.

I could barely speak with my hoarse and broken voice, I was coughing a lot, and I was in no mood to call this ignorant woman out on her bullshit. Was she really going to look me in the eye and tell me that hotels do not typically provide water kettles or coffee makers? Is she saying that places like the Marriott, the Westin, or the W, which I frequently stay at during regular work trips, do not offer things like that at a charge of $300-400+ per night?!

This “hotel” needs to be put in its place. And at $260/night, it really needs far better amenities… but then again, this is San Francisco, the city with the most expensive hotels in this freaking country. So maybe they think they can get away with it because they are in San Francisco.

Second doctor’s visit

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve really only lost my voice twice. The first time was when I got whooping cough back in December 2015 and thought I was near death. The second time has been this past week, and it’s been loads of fun. It’s always a terrible feeling when you try to speak to strangers, whether it’s buying things at a cash register or at the doctor’s office’s front desk, and as soon as you open your mouth, the person responds back with pity in his/her eyes: “poor you, you poor, sick child.” I’ve gotten that glum look from too many people to name, whether it’s been saying hi to my doctor today, asking where I can find a thermos, to purchasing water and squeaking out a quiet and hoarse “thank you.”

I went to the doctor’s today… for the second time in four days, right here in San Francisco. I haven’t been to a doctor’s office in this city since my college days when I was still on my mother’s insurance. My doctor was kind and gentle, explained everything very well, and also walked through a lot of the same ideas the New Zealand doctor I had seen had. At least they weren’t completely contradictory. She prescribed me a steroid to help open up my throat and ease my breathing, and to see if this was potentially bacterial given the length of my suffering, an antibiotic. I’m due to see her again on Friday before I leave to see if the antibiotic has helped at all.

I’m on steroids, and I’m also on antibiotics for the second time in almost two years. I feel like an invalid. And I’m still trapped in a crappy hotel room with no ventilation, no AC, and no fan, that my dad asked, “Did your company downgrade? This place is like those really old apartments in the Tenderloin. Even the elevator is outdated!”

“Can you get me some hot soup?”

Posted on by
Reply

For the last couple of years, my mother in law seems absolutely hell bent on getting her second born a girlfriend… or, wife. She’s seemingly terrified that he’s going to be single forever, and she doesn’t seem to understand why he can’t find someone. I guess its the blindness that affects most parents who think their children are perfect (or, well, western or heavily western influenced parents, since as we all know that most stereotypical Asian parents like my own think their children are the exact opposite of “perfect”). The rest of the family occasionally makes comments that they hope he will find someone. They always say how sweet he is, but also make jokes on what kind of girl would be able to put up with him. Hmmm.

I really hate situations like this. Listening to people obsess about why anyone is single or not single or whatever their relationship status is is so pointless. I think everything happens when it is supposed to happen, and when we rush things or create artificial situations, then we’re increasing the chances of disaster.

However, in my brother-in-law’s case, I will say that there are a number of glaring reasons that I can see why he’s been single for so long: he’s a bit selfish, he’s coddled by his entire family to the point where he can’t seem to do even basic things on his own (like… clear his dish and put it in the dishwasher, not even wash it), and he’s in general very clueless about proper etiquette and behavior, and when called out on it, instead of reflecting on the situation and seeing how he may have been wrong, he instead chooses to get defensive. Here’s the most recent example:

I’m obviously not feeling well, and we’re flying back from Auckland to Sydney to spend the night before boarding our Sydney to LA flight back to the U.S. (it’s what we do when we fly Qantas). We’re spending the night with Chris’s brother, so I thought, okay, I’m not feeling well, so maybe he can get me some soup nearby. I texted him a few hours before arriving and asked if he could get me some hot soup. He said, “Sure, I’ll make sure to have something ready.” When I walk through the door, he hands me a packet of tomato soup powder. “I wasn’t sure what kind you wanted, but here.”

When someone tells you she wants some hot soup, the proper response is to get that person hot soup, REAL HOT SOUP that can be eaten right away, not a packet of artificial powder that you then hand to her and ask her to make for herself when you know she is ill.

Not to mention that, but he knew I was ill, yet he didn’t even have sufficient blankets for us to sleep with. He handed us a crochet throw blanket that by design, had holes all over it, plus a sleeping bag that was really enough to keep just one person warm, and there’s also Chris sleeping with me. And because Chris knew I was ill, he gave me most of the blankets while he was cold.

I told my friend this story without mentioning names, and the fury in her response was obvious. That’s inhumane, she said. “That’s worse than not even trying.”

I get that parents live in their own delusions and always think that their children are the best and that they’re perfect…. but his mom needs to realize that her son is severely lacking, and getting him a quick-fix wife is NOT going to be a solution to these types of insensitivities and lack of care for others.