The roasted duck is bubbling and scenting up the house

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We are currently about 15 minutes away from a fully finished, whole roast duck. The entire house smells like a combination of five-spice blend and duck fat. I have already drained off over a cup of duck fat from the pan. From my office area, I can hear the duck’s fat bubbling off into the bottom of the roasting pan. I am eager to see how crispy my duck skin has gotten and how much of the fat has been rendered from the skin!

Assuming this is successful, I wonder if we will get lucky at our next Costco run (next month!) and score yet another reasonably priced whole duck to roast! Then I can really put my duck skills into repeat practice!

**Several hours later**

Okay, so I got the leg and thigh right: the skin was flavorful and crispy while the meat was juicy and tender. The breast is really where the challenge is. Even with two heat settings, 325 F for 75 minutes and a 425 F blast for 15 minutes, the breasts still had not rendered out enough fat to get crispy; they actually seemed annoyingly flabby. So I let the whole duck rest for about 30 minutes. Then I carved it… Okay, fine. I didn’t really carve it. I kind of butchered it and messed it up. A lot of the skin tore off. Rib bones got stuck to the breast. I am a pretty sloppy whole chicken carver, but this duck was even more challenging and frustrating! ChatGPT gave this explanation for why this was more frustrating: “Duck is trickier to carve than chicken because the breast sits tightly against a broad rib cage and the skin is thinner and more delicate. The easiest way to stop tearing it is to stop thinking of it as ‘slicing meat off the carcass’ and instead remove each breast as one whole piece first.” I guess I will have to heed that advice next time… If I decide to brave out a whole duck roasting experience again.

I still managed to have two separate and mostly in tact breast pieces with their skin on top. I took both pieces and laid them down in a hot, un-oiled carbon steel pan to render out more fat and crisp up the skin. The result was pretty good. But I have a feeling I would have done a better job if I had just carved up the duck into separate raw pieces to begin with, “confited” the legs, and seared the breasts the way we did in my duck cooking class Chris got me over three years ago. I’ll consider that for next time.

The cleanup was a little miserable to put it lightly. Duck grease got pretty much everywhere and made its way all over the stove, all the counters, on dishes that didn’t even have duck, all over the sink and faucets. Of course, it splattered in the oven, but luckily not as much as I had feared. I was able to clean most of it off easily with a mix of baking soda, soap, water, and elbow grease. I may try this one or two more times just for the experience and challenge, but I can see clearly now why duck is one of those dishes that people leave to the pros. Even if you do get it mostly right, like I did this time, the cleanup is so freaking annoying and time consuming. I am currently soaking my oven mitts now because the duck grease is caked on so badly!

The entire apartment also smells like duck fat; it doesn’t matter what room I am in. This may be okay for now, but tomorrow, I may change my mind.

A cooking challenge: whole duck

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Last autumn while at Costco, I stumbled upon a whole duck in the refrigerator section. I looked at it and realized it was quite a gem to find a WHOLE DUCK as an option, and for a bargain price of about $3.69/lb! So I decided to add it to our cart… and then was so intimidated by the thought of cooking a whole duck that I left it in the back of the freezer this entire time. The idea of cooking a whole duck has terrified me pretty much my entire cooking life.

So I finally gathered all my courage and yanked my 4.5-lb halal duck out of the back of the freezer and have been thawing it in the fridge since Saturday night. I took it out, drained it, then fully dried it. I decided I would cook it the only way I knew how to, which is Chinese-style. I created a Chinese five spice rub with my Burlap and Barrel five-spice blend (the best!), fresh minced garlic, ginger, salt, and pepper. I rubbed it all over inside and out after pricking the skin all over to allow the fat to render out during the roast. I placed it, uncovered, in our fridge to dry out. I plan to roast it tomorrow afternoon.

Am I terrified of how it will turn out? Yes. I am scared I will overcook the breasts and not achieve crispy skin. I have procrastinated on this long enough, though. And age is supposed to make me wiser, right? I kept trying to get reassurance from ChatGPT Pro, who has been telling me that while I may be a novice to cooking duck, I am certainly no novice cook. I know the usual signs of poultry doneness, whether it’s under or overcooked, etc. I just need to breathe. So tomorrow, I will do a two-temperature roasting, the first at 325 F, then the final blast at 425 F to crisp the skin. I need as many good vibes as possible to ensure I don’t smoke up the whole kitchen from all the duck fat that will be rendered; I read that it can be as much as two to three CUPS of rendered duck fat out of a single bird!! But as all my fitness app trainers have always said: if it doesn’t challenge you, then it won’t change you!

The compost worms and Kaia

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While in San Francisco and staying with my parents, Kaia loves to go out to my parents’ backyard and see my dad’s compost, specifically the worms that live and nourish the compost bin. To be frank, I am not sure what the hell my dad does with this nutrient rich compost soil he is creating, but since it gives him joy, we just have to “let them!” If it gives him joy and a reason to be, plus it keeps his mind and body occupied, then I consider it a win for all. Before we left, Kaia requested to see the worms before going to the airport. So my dad was really excited and proudly showed them to her one last time. Then last night unexpectedly, I got this text message from my dad:

“My compost worm said hi to Kaia.”

I smiled when I read this. If you don’t know my dad, then you won’t know why this message tickled me so much and warmed my heart. My dad is usually stoic, always emotionless and rarely shows any real love or affection; he just doesn’t know how. He’s spent his entire life just surviving and being deprived of any real tender care. So now that Kaia is here, she gives affection so easily that it’s like her second nature. So she happily showers it on everyone and anyone, including her Gonggong. And I’m sure it made my dad happy. So he remembered this and wanted to interact with her in this way by sending this text, which is a hundred percent out of character. This is a very playful, affectionate message, one that in a million years I would never have guessed my dad would send to me, even if it’s for my kindergarten-age daughter.

Becoming a mother has changed my life in more ways than I could count. And incredibly, it’s also even changed the way I see my dad. At the core of every person is someone who wants to be seen, recognized, and loved; this is no matter how unfeeling and stoic they may be on the outside. Maybe that’s what my dad was missing in his life all along. Now that he has someone who does this for him, loudly and unabashedly, as in, his granddaughter, something new has been awakened in him.

Teaching my child about food, how it’s grown, how to prepare it, and how to cook it

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Years ago, a friend of mine who has never been into cooking, does not like to cook, and rarely cooks, said that he found cooking to be a very dissatisfying task.

“You spend all this time and energy on cooking, and then within minutes if not seconds, it’s all gone!” he said to me. “You have nothing to show for!”

I smiled. I told him this was one of many, many reasons I found cooking so inherently satisfying. I did not want it to stay with me as a “thing” forever. I wanted to make it, enjoy the process and flavor (and hopefully the health benefits), and then be done with it and move on to the next food. Back then, I was already extremely anti-clutter, so the idea of having lots of “things” piling up in my house was absolutely not something that would bring me joy. Here’s one hobby I’ve always superficially thought about but know I’d unlikely ever get into because it would inevitably make me accumulate lots of things: pottery and ceramics. This seems fun, challenging, and therapeutic, but I don’t need endless ceramics in my house!

As with growing and harvesting your own food, cooking food makes you more connected with what you’re eating. It forces you to think more critically about what you are putting into your body and why. There’s also some creativity involved with food preparation and cooking that can be fun. As most health guidances will tell you, what you put into your body (EAT!) is a huge contributing factor to your health, more so than exercise, so if you have control over it, why would you not try to optimize for both flavor and health?

Kaia has had an interest in cooking and baking on and off since she was a baby. Many times as a baby, she’d watch me cook from her high chair. Then as she was able to stand on her step stool and be in the kitchen with me as she got bigger, she’d help me with simple tasks like stirring, folding, pouring, and simple cutting (with kid-safe knives). She’s not always interested in helping out, though, as at the end of the day, she is a child. But as of late, she’s been asking more “why” questions about food prep, and I’ve really enjoyed it. At just over 4.5 years old, she’s still very much into her vegetables, particularly her Asian greens.

“Mama, what vegetable is that?” Kaia asked this morning as I washed some red mustard greens I picked up at the Greenmarket on Friday.

“These are called red mustard greens,” I replied. “These are very good and in season!”

Kaia frowned. “I don’t want to eat red mustard greens! I want bok choy! Can you make some bok choy for me?”

“Pookster, Mama doesn’t have bok choy today,” I said to her in my stern voice. “We have red mustard greens that are very fresh, and I’m going to cook them. I can show you how to make them so you can see they are yummy. You want to see?”

“No, no no!” Kaia insisted, running away. “I want bok choy! I don’t want to try red mustard greens! I don’t like them!”

I’ve told her more times than I can count that she cannot not like something she has never had. But as per usual, she ignored me. So instead, I feigned ignorance and continued to heat up my wok.

Kaia eventually walked back over to the kitchen and got on her tippy toes to see what was in my wok. Tentatively with curious big eyes, she asked, “Can I see what you’re cooking?”

“Yes, can you go get your step stool so you can watch?” I suggested to her, as I added some oil to the hot wok.

She obediently grabbed her step stool from the bathroom, dragged it over to the front of the stove, asked me to stabilize the legs, and climbed up to watch every step of the cooking process. In minutes, the cooking was all done: we had stir fried red mustard greens flavored with garlic, a touch of soy sauce, and rice vinegar. Then came her favorite part.

“Can I taste?” Kaia asked me, smiling. “I want the stem first!”

My Kaia Pookie has always loved the stems, ever since she was a baby. So I picked out a stem with my tongs and placed it into her wide open mouth. “Oooooh, this is so delicious!” she said happily. “Can I have a leaf now, please?”

She ate a few bites of red mustard green leaves, and then I told her she had to wait until lunch time to eat more. Kaia was so happy about her red mustard greens after watching me make it.

I want Kaia to have a healthy relationship with food, and to respect how it’s grown, prepared, and cooked. One thing I say a lot to her, which she does and does not like is, “Good food takes time.” So far, I think she’s on a pretty good track.

Damaged luggage gets replaced

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After our Caribbean trip in late June/early July, our one small checked roller bag did really well from New York to Barbados, St. Lucia, Grenada, Trinidad, with a stopover in Miami on the way back to New York… and then it didn’t make it quite well from MIA to JFK. That’s basically when some luggage handler probably just thought, “Meh! I’ll just toss ’em all on; no big deal!” Welp. That one haul from MIA to JFK resulted in a dent in our hard-shelled roller bag. It was quite sad to us, especially given we just purchased this set late last year.

We never reported it, though, because it’s a small bag and it’s not like it’s unusable; it was more of a cosmetic issue. So we let it go. But then from SFO to ORD on this last trip, our medium roller bag (of the same luggage set!) got dented pretty badly on the same corner. What the hell? It’s almost like these domestic luggage handlers just do not care about carefully placing luggage on conveyer belts and not treating them like rubbish. Maybe all these “new” luggage brands are just built poorly and cheaply, and thus are not meant to be used more than a handful of times? It’s likely a combination of A and B, as sad as that is.

So I reported this luggage as damaged since it was our second time getting a dented bag with American Airlines in just the last few months. They responded right away, evaluated the photos, then offered to replace the bag from a third party luggage company they work with. The replacement is currently being sent via FedEx from some shipment center in Texas. We got the same color as the one that got damaged: rose gold. We shall see if it’s any more (or less…) durable than this last one that got damaged. Oh, and to make matters worse on that one: when trying to zip close this bag when leaving Chicago, I ripped the stupid seam because the zipper got caught on one of my packing pods. I had to ask the hotel for tape to reinforce it just in case; luckily for me, it arrived home fully in tact. So regardless, that luggage is now getting chucked! I do feel bad about more junk being tossed into a landfill somewhere, but now this bag is just unusable.

NYC ID and Union Square Greenmarket

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New York City has a whole network of farmers markets that operate all over the city throughout the year, but it’s a well known fact that the Union Square Greenmarket is its biggest. It’s at its most vibrant during the late spring to early autumn months. During the summer months, there is probably the most variety when it comes to various types of produce. All colors of the rainbow can be found here in the summer! Once upon a time while at several different companies, I was lucky to work close to Union Square and would stop by regularly. Sometimes, it was just to browse. Other times, I’d pick up things to bring home and cook with. Regardless of whether I purchased anything, I always found it fun to look at what was local and seasonal.

Given I work from home now, I don’t have much reason to be in the Union Square area that frequently anymore, but I always look forward to the chance to go back, not just for the Greenmarket, but also because I just love the area. It was where I spent the first five years of my New York City life working, so there’s some nostalgia there. It’s also got a great restaurant/bakery scene.

Plus as I learned this week, Union Square is also home to New York City’s Human Resources Administration office, where I had to go to renew my NYC ID. I was lazy with it when it expired over ten years ago and didn’t go into the office to do the renewal paperwork. Given I already had access to lots of free things that benefited Kaia through my public library card tied to Culture Pass, I decided I’d let it slide because I really did not want to go and make yet another appointment. Chris reminded me that I am losing out on all kinds of freebies by not having my NYC ID active… things I (or Kaia) would actually enjoy and get value out of that were not originally perks. Some major areas we could benefit from would be a free annual membership to the New York MoMA (which I’ve been wanting to go to again for the last six months…), Brooklyn Children’s Museum, New York Aquarium, and the Bronx Zoo. While I’ve gotten once-a-year free tickets to the Brooklyn and Manhattan Children’s Museum, it certainly wouldn’t hurt to have unlimited free access to them in a given year, as it would give more options for low cost/free play dates, especially as Kaia is slowly but surely going to age out of those museums in the next 3-4 years.

I definitely had quite the haul at the Greenmarket after my NYC ID appointment, though. Summer is still clearly here for now but ending, as pretty much every vendor had many varieties of vibrant heirloom tomatoes on offer. Corn was huge and plentiful. Endless colorful varieties of peppers were also being sold. I picked up lots of corn, several varieties of heirloom tomatoes, red mustard greens, some beautiful striped zucchinis, locally grown fat garlic, bright red leaf lettuce, a loaf of multigrain sourdough from Our Daily Bread, and a massive bouquet of basil. My haul wasn’t cheap by any definition (Chris called it “Vuittoning,” the term he uses whenever I spend money…), but I suppose a lot has changed in the last eighteen years of living in New York City. I still remember back then, I thought $4-5/lb for heirloom tomatoes seemed expensive; today, the same heirloom tomatoes are anywhere from $8-10/lb, so at least twice as much. Inflation, higher wages, and a higher cost of living contribute to all these costs going up. But at least I can feel good knowing that a) I am supporting local by eating local, b) the produce is super fresh and seasonal, and c) I know for sure that it will all taste delicious!

Wistful for the past and reflecting back on Kaia’s first words and foods

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Since Kaia started kindergarten yesterday, I suppose it’s only natural that as her mother, I have been thinking a lot about her life to date, reminiscing on past moments and fun with her. While I did look through a number of old photos and videos over the last 4.5 years, what I also did was go back to Chris’s master Google spreadsheet, detailing her feeding/eating/my pumping journey. I included a tab for her solid foods eaten up to age 14 months, as well as a tab for first words. At some point, the words got to be so many all at once that I stopped keeping track; it looks like I stopped at the 76th word. Unfortunately I don’t have dates for those. But these are some funny things I had forgotten about that happened with solid food and words:

  • After her first word “diaper” at about 10ish months, which we found hilarious, Kaia’s second word was “purple,” which is her favorite color next to pink!
  • Her fifth word, which is a vegetable, was “beets!” She still loves beets today.
  • Kaia’s first Chinese word was 面/mian (noodle)! This is very fitting for my noodle loving Pookie!
  • “Weetbix” was her 21st word; she truly is an Aussie baby!
  • Her 54st word, or phrase rather, was “Oh shit!” 🙁
  • Her first solid food, eaten within week 2 of her life, had to be prune juice because her poop was so backed up! Her next solid food was not until she was exactly 6 months old on June 10, 2022, when she was given avocado. The next day, she had both alphonso AND ataulfo mango.
  • About a month later, she had peach for the first time, which gave her a red mouth reaction. Luckily, it subsided, and the reaction never occurred again.
  • She had her first cayenne pepper AND Thai chilies on July 17, 2022, at just over seven months of age!
  • Kaia had her first durian, from Say Weee! and imported from Malaysia, on September 17, 2022 and liked it.
  • On the same day she had her first taste of durian, she also tried hibiscus and lemon verbena in herbal teas separately and seemed to enjoy.
  • The last new food I documented that she ate was just before she reached 14 months of age: this was croaker fish at BCD Tofu House in Koreatown, NYC! This was food #312!

It’s still so much fun introducing her to new foods. I hope my sweet baby always stays this open-minded with cultures and foods.

A letter of well wishes for my sweet Kaia Pookie on her first day of kindergarten

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I originally wanted to write a little letter, as in a real paper letter, to Kaia and read it to her on her first day of kindergarten. But then I wasn’t sure she’d want me to read it to her.. And that she may end up writing and doodling all over it since she cannot yet read herself. So, this year, I will keep it on this blog. I will save writing a real letter on paper for her when she is able to read… which is unbelievably just around the corner.

To my dearest Kaia Pookie,

It is with a bittersweet, squishy heart that I write this message to you, wishing you the very best on your first day of kindergarten, or your first day of formal schooling. 祝你幼儿园第一天超级棒！开开心心上学去! It is trite because it is so true: the days are long, but the weeks and years are so short. I can say with complete honesty in my heart and mind that taking care of you, protecting you, and loving you have been the ultimate joy and job of my life. I don’t think you are aware of how often I look back at old photos and videos of you on my phone, whether it’s a year, two, three, or four years ago when you were just a wee baby, and think about how precious all these sweet moments have been for me. The days were often exhausting, especially in your newborn days, but I could not get enough of sniffing your ethereal, sweet newborn scent. I regret none of my time and efforts in nourishing and taking care of you in the best way possible. I still look back fondly all the time at every moment with you, but especially your solid start days; those were some of my true favorite moments in raising my sweet Kaia Pookie. You were an amazing eater then, and you still are an incredible eater now! Please don’t stop!

It feels like it all flew by so quickly: triple feeding, pumping milk, endless diapering, prune juice (#ifkyk), blow outs, baby-led weaning, your first (and then endless!) words, your first steps, tantrums, potty training, and increasing understanding and awareness of everything around you. Where did all the time go? Sometimes, I get very wistful and sad. But that’s why sometimes I make your Daddy mad and am soft with you; sometimes I just want to sit in the moment with you and snuggle and cuddle and see you carefree and silly. You are my only baby, my one sweet baby, and I want to relish the moment with you. I’ve loved every stage of your development and hope you will continue to be sweet, kind, thoughtful, curious, affectionate, cuddly, and think of others. Kindergarten is a big step, Pookster, but there is a long, windy path ahead of you, filled with lots of learning. Remember: you always have to try, try, and try. Sometimes you will try and fail, but that doesn’t mean you just give up. You have to keep going and try again. I always say this to you: 加油! You have to keep going and keep trying! And when you succeed, we can celebrate the wins. Some things will come easily to you, while other things will be more of a challenge. If it doesn’t challenge you, it will not change you. And change is a good thing. Remember that the next time something is really hard. Don’t be afraid of failing, though; you can learn from every mistake, not just in school, but in life.

If there is one tiny piece of advice I will give for learning, it is to always be curious, to ask lots of questions when you don’t understand or may not agree. The more questions you ask, the more answers may come. Don’t be silent and keep lingering questions to yourself. You want to expand your horizon and your knowledge! This is what school and learning are all about!

I hope you make new good friends at your new school. The definition of “friends” will change and evolve over time and as you get older, but always remember to be kind and share with your 小朋友. You will not get along with everyone, and not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. You don’t have to be friends with everyone, but you should always be kind, always be true to who you are.

I hope you know how much Mama and Daddy love you, how your health, safety, and happiness are our utmost priorities. We hope that you will be open with us about what is going well and what is not. You should never feel afraid to share with us; you can always tell Mama and Daddy everything and anything. We hope you will always see us as your safe space. We are always here for you no matter what.

We love you so, so much, my sweet Kaia Pookie baby. Even though you are in kindergarten now and are soon turning five, you know you will always be my sweet baby, right? You are my one and only, and for you I want to do my very, very best and be here for as long as humanly possible to watch you grow and thrive. Wishing you the very best on your first day of kindergarten. Muah.

As one of your favorite Chinese songs, “宝贝宝贝,” (BaoBei BaoBei) says: 你是我们的心肝宝贝 / 爸爸妈妈的爱永相随 (You are the apple of our eye; Daddy and Mommy’s love will always be with you). <3

With all my love, your mama,

Yvonne

13 years fundraising and writing blurbs to encourage donations

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It’s hard to believe that it’s been 13 years since Ed passed, and now 13 years of fundraising for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). When I first sought out some nonprofit fundraising effort to preserve Ed’s memory and keep his spirit alive, I wasn’t sure how long I would do this for or even if I’d stick with AFSP. For a couple years, I thought I might switch organizations to change things up for myself, plus to expose myself to different nonprofit environments. But in the end, I stuck with AFSP because it was comfortable, familiar, and I got used to the setup, events, and the people. I’ve been involved in various AFSP events, including going on local TV to represent them and discuss why I walk. I’ve also been an AFSP NYC walk committee member for the last year and am continuing this effort this year.

Every year when I write my fundraising message, I try to change the message up so that it’s a little different and current to my life at the moment and what’s top of mind for me. The first couple years were about the shock of losing him. Then it evolved into missing him at milestone moments of my life, whether that was my wedding, my pregnancy and the birth of Kaia, and this year, my 40th birthday. And now, it’s really become about… every year I’ve lived past age 33… all the years he never got to live. So what am I really doing with my life to make it more meaningful and to make it “worth” living, both for his memory and for myself?

Sometimes I wonder if anyone really reads my updated blurbs, specifically the people who are in my repeat donor group. I am grateful for their repeat donations, but I always wonder if they really read anything I write. Then last year, one person actually texted to let me know that he loved “the evolution of my message” each year, and how my reflections about my brother and his passing have changed over time. That was something I really appreciated.

So, here we go again. This year, I couldn’t put my thoughts together as early as I usually do, as I typically target July, the month of his passing. I didn’t figure out what I wanted to write until around his birthday in late August. So here I am, scrambling to organize my message and fundraiser just a month and a half out from the walk on October 25! Wish me luck in meeting my goal.

The four Disney princesses from Ed

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Every time I go back to my parents’, I try to take something back to New York that is a reminder of my childhood. Sometimes, it’s really little things like random cards or photos I find in a pile that I’d forgotten about that remind me of a happy memory. Other times, it’s slightly larger things like my hardcover copy of The Complete Stories of Curious George, which I brought back this time around. Kaia is at a point where she can follow longer stories, and the original Curious George stories are actually not as short as one might expect them to be! She always plays with my Curious George stuffed animal, which Ed got for me during a Christmas back from my high school days when Curious George was the holiday theme for Macy’s. So she knows who he is and that her mama likes this monkey. We already started reading some of the stories together while we were in San Francisco.

On the last morning before we left to go to Chicago, I was rummaging through a bedroom drawer I rarely go into and stumbled upon the extremely heavy mah jong set purchased during my first China trip in 2006. This was a legitimate mah jong set, and an extremely heavy one at that! The truth is that I only ever played mah jong one time ever and have completely forgotten the rules. The only reason I even bought this crazy heavy set was that I thought it would be a nice souvenir to have from my first time in my fatherland… and then predictably, I never even opened or played it even once after buying it. So that was very practical of me at the time. Fast forward twenty years, and now mah jong is all the rage. I sat next to a White woman on the plane who said she took a four-day full-time intensive course to master mah jong! And as ridiculous as it sounds, there is the “Chinese rules” mah jong and the “American rules” mah jong (whatever the hell the latter means). For a split second, I considered lugging it back to New York with me… but then my true practical side took hold, and I immediately placed it back into the drawer.

In that same drawer, I found something Ed had bought me years ago: Four Disney princess figurines, still in their original packaging, never opened. We have Cinderella, Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), Snow White, and Belle (from Beauty and the Beast). They are all wearing glittering gowns. I knew immediately that Kaia would love them. Though the figurines are meant for display, I figured at this point, that didn’t matter anymore. The best thing we could get out of these four princesses was Kaia’s enjoyment, which meant being able to play with them. So I took them all out of the original box, tucked them into a ziplock bag, and put them into my checked luggage.

Of course, Kaia being the little investigator that she is, she found the princesses in my luggage when I had it open in Chicago, and she asked me what it was in her usual tone of, “Is that for me?!” I told her if she was good, she could open it when we got back to New York, but only if she was good.

Today, Kaia was happily playing with all four of them and marveling over their sparkly gowns. I told her that her Jiujiu got them for her mama over twenty years ago. He knew that when Mama was young, she loved all the princesses, so he wanted to get these for me. Now, these are a gift for Kaia. So essentially, Ed got these for Kaia… he just never realized it back then. I told Kaia that these princesses are very special, and now Kaia can have a token of Jiujiu’s love. I am not sure if it’s just me, but she seemed to understand.

“I love them,” Kaia said quietly, as she hugged all of them at once. “Thanks, Jiujiu.”

Ed may not be here today to see Kaia playing with these four princesses he gifted me, but I know he is in both our hearts and minds. If he is somewhere out there watching, I hope he is smiling.