Autumn in Vermont: The best leaf peeping

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Although I had previously been to Vermont during spring and summer, I always knew that autumn would be the most spectacular for me (as someone who hates cold winters and does not do snow sports, I have zero, zero desire to visit Vermont in the winter). I didn’t grow up with four seasons in San Francisco. There was even a period in my childhood when I really did think that “fall leaves”/autumn foliage was just completely made up for books and movies. So when I came to the East Coast for college and got to see all the spectacular autumn foliage on the Wellesley campus, I was hooked. Even when I was stressed during midterm exams, I still found some peace in the beautiful fall foliage.

Chris took us on a scenic route headed toward Stowe today, so we visited a number of fun, beautiful, and tasty places, including Cold Hollow Cider Mill (great spot for cider donuts, maple syrup, maple everything, local Vermont products, fun Vermont souvenirs, and lots of fun photo ops), Ben and Jerry’s headquarters (no tour this time, but mainly a stop for their famous Flavor Graveyard. It’s gotten quite an upgrade since we last visited in 2014, as some of the grave stones even have QR codes you can scan for more information on the retired flavor!), the Stowe Foliage Arts Festival, the Alchemist Brewery, and Pie-Casso (pizza) for dinner.

Cold Hollow Cider Mill is the kind of northeast suburban/rural fall retreat stop that we’ve really embraced over the years since Kaia has been in tow. It has everything you’d want at this time of year: pumpkin patches, hay stacks, colorful mums (the flowers!), scarecrows, freshly pressed apple cider, apple cider donuts, and all the fall flavors you can think of. Maple syrup featured prominently here, and I appreciated there were signs explaining how the maple syrup grading changed in 2014 in Vermont, which was then changed at the national level in 2015. Although we didn’t get to take advantage of it, they have an entire section that is open to the public where you can watch the apples being pressed into fresh cider; you are also allowed to pour yourself your own (free) sample out of a tap! The line was crazy long when we got in, so we ended up having to just buy our cider and cider donuts and enjoy them outside.

The main highlight of the day was definitely the fall foliage surrounding us everywhere. We made some stops along the way to take photos to capture the beauty. And we also got to enjoy leaf peeping to the max at the Stowe Foliage Arts Festival. The festival happens at this time of year annually in the Stowe Events Field, which is surrounded 365-degrees by mountain views and vibrant colors of the autumn foliage right now. If it wasn’t already clear from the name, it’s not just an art festival; it’s a foliage arts festival! They have lots of local fine arts and crafts, live music, specialty food and drink, and of course, fresh food. Going through the marquee with all the art vendors was really fun: we saw so many types of art that we’d never been exposed to before. My favorite in terms of uniqueness was this female artist who uses threads to create composition. At different angles, the colors of the thread look different. She incorporates a little swing on her trees for a 3D feel. I also loved seeing all the different large scale photography of the stunning Vermont landscapes; one artist printed his photography on metal, which had an interesting effect on the photo itself!

The Stowe Foliage Arts Festival also had another marquee with specialty food and drink, which of course, we embraced. They had lots of generous samples; it reminded me of what the New York Chocolate Show and food festivals have been like that I’ve attended in the past. After tasting, we bought a bottle of local mead, and another very unique bottle of chocolate raspberry (!!) wine. I finally caved in and bought more maple syrup (despite having just opened a Costco maple syrup bottle) after trying Green’s Sugarhouse maple syrup (Amber, Dark, and Very Dark). The standard and most common maple syrup you get is amber, which is considered the most versatile for cooking, baking, and drizzling on pancakes and waffles. At this booth, we got to try all four grades side by side. Given we love very strong flavors, we decided to get the “very dark.” And along with that, we picked up a bottle of their maple balsamic vinaigrette, which was very zippy. The lady working the booth says that she uses it not just as a salad dressing, but also to glaze her fish and meats. I am definitely using this on fish soon! I love that Green’s Sugarhouse is a seventh generation maple sugaring house; it felt good to support a local, family-run business. But hey, there’s another fun fact I learned: the majority of maple sugaring houses in Vermont are all family owned and generational traditions!!!!!! This state is so unique and fun!

We ended the day at Alchemist Brewery, which is likely the most fun and interesting-to-wander-and-look-around-at brewery we’ve ever visited. They have lots of art and murals everywhere, even on their ceilings. They have very tall trees growing inside the brewery. The brewery has a large outdoor space for drinking, corn hole and other games (perfect for letting your children be outside and safe!). There was a live band playing outside when we arrived. This place was anything but boring. I got to enjoy a very good stout while Chris had a hazy IPA. Kaia and I played corn hole, and she eventually found two new little friends to play with.

We had pizza after the brewery and a long, DARK drive back to Middlebury. If you didn’t already think it was rural here in the day, then at night, you will know for a fact you are in the middle of nowhere driving here. Chris drove us safely back with long stretches of high beam and low beam on (no lights on roads here!!). Upon putting his head down on the pillow back at the hotel, he passed out and immediately started snoring. That’s how I know he’s really tired and had to concentrate a lot!

Vermont: Population density, covered bridges, and maple grading changes

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I have lots of fond, delicious, and happy memories of being in Vermont. Back in 2009 (or 2010), I came here for the first time for canoeing, hiking, and the Burlington and Brattleboro towns and farmers market. In 2014, I came here on a stop with Chris and his parents, and we did a Ben & Jerry’s factory tour and tasting, visited the “graveyard” of retired ice cream flavors, and also did a very thorough and delicious tasting of cheeses at Cabot Creamery. Now over 12 years later, Chris and I are back with the Pookster in tow for our autumn leaf peeping long weekend! And we are in luck: the leaves are definitely changing colors. We’ve seen so many gorgeous colors on this trip already!

I started thinking more about the state of Vermont versus New York and California, the two states I am most closely associated with. And as we were driving through Vermont and even in just Middlebury, where we are based during this trip, I thought about how I have always lived in relatively densely populated places, and how living in a place like Vermont would probably feel far too quiet and even borderline spooky for me. California is where I was born and raised and lived for the first 18.5 years of my life; it’s the most populous state in the U.S. New York is the fourth most populous state in the country, with a large chunk of that population in New York City, where I live. Vermont, on the other hand, ranks 49th (out of 50) for total population, and it’s one of the least densely populated states in the country. New York State’s overall population density is about six times Vermont’s; New York City is about 400 times more densely populated than the entire state of Vermont. It’s no wonder everywhere we go here, I marvel at how much open space there seems to be, and how far apart all the houses and buildings are. It’s because relatively speaking, they are all very far apart when compared to anywhere in New York City! The town of Middlebury feels rural, but then to me, perhaps the entire state of Vermont feels rural!

Stereotypically when I think of Vermont, I think of three main things: 1) maple syrup (obviously), 2) dairy and all things related (Cabot Creamery makes some of the best cheese in the country. Plus, I even like their branding and logo), and 3) Bernie Sanders. But when I started reading more about Middlebury, I started thinking more about the local college, Middlebury College, which is a highly ranked liberal arts college here, and all these “covered bridges” I kept seeing pop up as potential tourist stops here. For about a split second during my senior year of college, I considered applying to Middlebury College… that was, until I looked at it on the map and saw how it was in the middle of nowhere. Then, I immediately nixed it. Even at the age of 17, I knew I needed to be in or near a major metropolitan area, otherwise I would go nuts (I still feel this way today, so no wonder I live right in Manhattan). Vermont, the “Green Mountain state,” is also known for its covered bridges. While there used to be about 700 of these peculiar bridges, today, only 100 remain standing. These covered bridges were originally built with large structural wood trusses; their main purpose was to solve for all the endless rivers that are all over the state. The bridges are all quite short; Chris drove across the Halpin bridge yesterday and I walked across it; it took me less than 30 seconds to walk across this tiny covered bridge, built back in 1840. Because these bridges were all wooden, if they were exposed to rain, snow, and freeze-thaw cycles, they would rot pretty quickly. So, the bridge isn’t covered to keep travelers dry; the bridge is covered to keep the bridge dry and protected. This is such an interesting fun fact!

Today, we visited two different farmers markets: Burlington Farmers Market and Shelburne Farmers Market. I had visited the Burlington Farmers Market back in 2009; it has gotten noticeably larger since then! There was a great variety of vendors at both. I always love seeing the local produce and goods at each city and town we visit when we can. At the Burlington Farmers Market, we picked up some local chestnut and lion’s mane mushrooms (they were organic and so fresh and springy!), Vermont goat cheese (loved the taste and texture of this one), “artisanal” marshmallows created by a local pastry chef, a bottle of local bourbon, and a bottle of local whisky. At the Shelburne Farmers Market, we bought a bottle of local orange wine. At both markets, we saw the inevitable vendors selling maple syrup and other maple products, and I noticed that instead of saying “Grade A” or “Grade B” as I had previously seen during my 2009 Burlington Farmers Market trip, the labels said something more descriptive, like “Golden Color,” “Amber Color,” or “Dark Color.” So I made a mental note of this to research this later. In 2015 (so the year after we last visited Vermont), Vermont actually officially overhauled their maple syrup grading system, as “Grade A” vs. “Grade B” was far too confusing (I would agree with this). The old hierarchy that I remember, “Fancy,” Grade A, Grade B, was replaced because darker syrup was not actually lower quality; it just had a stronger flavor. I distinctly remember a colleague who had a spouse from Vermont say that he preferred “Grade B” because it had a stronger maple flavor and was darker in color. But to the average person, “Grade B” sounds like it would be inferior quality to something labeled “Grade A.” Today the grade tells you mainly about color and flavor intensity, which makes more sense immediately. Grade A is all commercially available maple syrup now; this is the default for anything you can buy. “Grade B” does not exist, period.

So, I learned a lot of new things today about the second least populated state in my country! I’m so happy I got an update on Vermont’s maple grading and how it changed in 2015; I feel so much more “in the know” about local Vermont facts, and perhaps more importantly, national food facts now. 🙂

When your baby calls out in the middle of the night

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Chris and I take turns putting Kaia to bed. Since there’s two of us and one of her, it makes the bedtime routine easy and predictable. Back in the days when we had to wake up Kaia in the middle of the night to pee, I would honestly dread the nights when it was my night to put her to bed because this also meant I needed to do the middle-of-the-night “dream pee” with her (does anyone like interrupted sleep?!). Back then, I had to set an alarm (anywhere from 11pm to 3am) to wake her up (okay, half wake up) to pee. In the beginning of overnight training, we both would wake up, one earlier in the evening, one in the early hours of the morning. So when we went down to one wake up/overnight pee, it became easier and more manageable. But the funniest part when we went down to one dream pee per night was that Kaia always knew which side of the bed to go to, mine or Chris’s, in the nights when it was our turn. Chris found this amusing and pointed it out to me one day. I thought this was very astute of her. Even though we never explicitly told her, she knew that if one of us read to her and put her to bed, then that same person would also be responsible for having her pee in the middle of the night. And likewise, if she had a night disturbance or cried for some reason, it was that same person’s job to wake up to go soothe her.

Although I was happy and proud when she finally slept through the whole night without needing to pee (or pee her pants!), I also felt a little sad. It was like those posts I see on social media where they say that as parents, you don’t always know when “the last time” is when you get to do something with your child. Sometimes it can be a bit shocking, as though something has been taken from you before you were ready for it to be taken away, or as though your baby has moved onto the next phase of their life faster than you were prepared for. Here’s a tangible example: I can’t remember the last time I gave Kaia a proper bath in a tub, but I remember that whenever that last time was, I didn’t realize it would be the last time. She just suddenly decided and declared one day that she didn’t want to do baths. Chris said it would be easier, so he agreed to give her a shower. And that was that. Since then, she’s only had showers we’ve given her!

So in the wee hours of this morning, at around 3:12am, I awoke to a seemingly far-away moan. “Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!” Kaia cried, over and over again.

Kaia was sitting on her bed, eyes wide open, blankets in a disarray. Sluggishly, I dragged myself out of bed to see what was bothering her. I opened her bedroom door. She immediately saw me, reached out to hand me her favorite little ice pack (already water by that time, of course). I obligingly accepted the ice pack to put back in the freezer. Then, she asked if I could hand over her cow… As in, her cow Halloween costume from two years ago that she still uses as a stuffed animal… which is always sitting at the right foot of her bed. I told her to lie down and grabbed the cow for her to hold. I hugged and kissed her, then told her to go back to sleep. Then, I went back to bed.

Unlike Chris, when these quick wake-ups happen, I am usually able to go back to sleep again quite quickly. So, they don’t bother me as much. But I also found the entire situation hilarious, endearing, and completely ridiculous at the same time. There was zero urgency in this random middle-of-the-night wake-up and cry-out for mama: The ice pack did not need to be placed into the freezer immediately; she could have easily grabbed the cow at the edge of her own bed for herself to cuddle; none of these needed to be done by me. But she did this all because 1) she knows I will come and indulge her, 2) she wants cuddles and kisses from her mama in the middle of the night, and 3) she simply wants me to come, period. And for me, this is okay. It’s actually more than okay. I love feeling loved and needed, and this is one of those moments that makes me feel loved and needed… even if it physically wakes me up when I do not want to be woken and interrupts my deep sleep (which it did).

One day, she won’t call out for me at night. Hopefully, that will be a long while from now. So for now, I will try my best to embrace each time and give my baby the middle of the night cuddles and kisses that she wants and needs… Because I’ll never know when it will be the last time. And I do love every chance I get to have cuddles and kisses with my little cheeky bubba.

Balloons are not sustainable

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Ever since I was little and never got to have helium-filled balloons for any birthday, I have always loved balloons (with helium) and have wanted Kaia to have them for her birthdays. I’m not a crazy mom in the sense that I have never filled an entire room with helium balloons or done anything that extravagant (wow, that would be expensive!). But at the very minimum, I like to get her a balloon for her age. She has loved them since she was 1, and she gets excited to see the new balloon every year. Playing with it gives her a lot of joy, and it gives me joy to watch her giggling and hitting it.

I asked the birthday party venue for their pricing on balloons and found it to be quite reasonable, and even borderline cheap for the neighborhood. I shared this pricing with the parents we’re co-hosting this party with. Thus far, they have been very easy going and eager to hear our opinions on everything. If anything, they seem to be deferring to us to suggest things and make decisions. But then the dad, who happens to be the co-chair of the parent association’s sustainability committee, messaged our group Whatspp to say that he doesn’t have strong opinions about much, but one area that he definitely does feel strongly about is that he does not want balloons because they are simply not sustainable. But, he said that if Kaia really wanted them, then he would just relent.

And there, my friends, my childhood love of balloons was popped in a second.

Okay, so to be clear, I am very well aware that balloons are not sustainable and are terrible for the environment; this is a fact. After they deflate, they simply go into a landfill. They are not recyclable… nope, not at all. Helium has its own controversy that I’m not getting into here. But we get a balloon just once a year — ONCE A YEAR. It’s like with things that are clearly bad for us, such as bacon: we don’t eat it often, just a handful of times a year at most! So when I saw this message, while my heart did break a little, I did want to respect his opinion and also let his opinion matter here, so I asked if we could compromise: instead of getting all twenty of the balloons plus the number balloons I envisioned, could we just get one “5” and one “6” (their son is turning 6) balloon so that their son didn’t feel left out when our daughter would have one? Plus, this would also save us some money by not buying more balloons, and who doesn’t want to save money when throwing a kid’s birthday party?

It’s still win/win doing a joint kids’ birthday party!

Visiting a kids’ party venue

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After exchanging many messages between the family of the child we’d like to do a joint birthday party with, we realized pretty quickly that hosting a party in our respective building lounges probably wouldn’t be a great fit. For one thing, my building lounge does not even allow children’s birthday parties in the lounge (talk about age discrimination to the extreme!). Their lounge fee is 25 percent more than ours; it also requires a mandatory extra cleaning fee that we have to pay. None of those fees includes any real help or coordination; we’d have to do all that work ourselves. It also wouldn’t include any kid entertainment. So when I found this venue in our general neighborhood that basically charged similar fees but included built-in entertainment (a large indoor play gym!), I thought this sounded pretty promising.

I was a little skeptical of the space, as the photos publicly available looked like those wide-angle distorted views that make spaces look far larger than they are. But when I went up there this afternoon to see it in person, it was even bigger than I expected! There’s a very large, open play space and a good entry way for gifts, goodie bags, and coats. From the open floor, there’s a stairway that goes up to a fun loft area that overlooks the play space. This consists of two rooms, one large room for the kids to eat and have cake, and a smaller room for the adults to congregate and hang out. I got a tour by the husband of the husband and wife team who run the place, and he seemed pretty relaxed, but also very informative. I took lots of photos and videos to share with Chris and the other parents, and I left feeling pretty good about this space.

I guess I found a little gem in the neighborhood I would have had zero idea about before. And this is all thanks to ChatGPT!

Planning a joint birthday party

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Kaia got invited to a joint birthday party of two classmates later this month. They invited all the friends and family in our entire kindergarten class of 20 kids, and it’s being held at a popular indoor play space in lower Manhattan. As soon as I found out it was joint, I thought this was the most amazing idea: combine two birthday parties so that you reduce the number of parties you require parents to take kids to, thus consolidating schedules, while also decreasing all costs by half. This is win-win for everyone! I immediately started thinking about who else has a birthday close to Kaia’s.

Then at the mid-Autumn Moon picnic on Sunday, a mom who has a kid whose birthday is in late November said she wanted to do a joint birthday because the costs were going up by so much, and I said I wouldn’t mind doing a joint one with Kaia. It would be Kaia’s first real birthday party outside of her class birthday parties, plus her first birthday that Chris’s mom threw, which of course Kaia cannot remember. So I said we’d exchange ideas and figure out a date.

It’s nearly a crime how expensive kids’ birthday parties can be in New York City. Space Club, which is a play space with multiple locations in Brooklyn, charges $990 simply to have a private room for about 90 minutes, and it’s 12 kids maximum. That does not include food, drink, cake, decorations, or goodie bags. It certainly does not include adult food. We tried looking at hosting in our building lounges, but that would require more coordination on the part of us as the parents/hosts.

The research and planning continue. I wonder where we will end up?

Dental visit, sans baby tooth

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This afternoon was my first visit to the dentist since my baby tooth finally came out. They asked me questions about how long ago it came out and inspected the gum to make sure there were no tooth fragments still remaining.

“It looks like it was a clean break!” The dental hygienist said to me. “The gum looks healthy and clean, barely like there was even a tooth there before!”

They asked me how it felt, then asked if I’d be interested in having an implant placed in. I figure it wouldn’t hurt to get cost estimates from the insurance on this, so I asked them to contact the insurance to get the full breakdown and send it over to me. I doubt I will end up doing it since the missing tooth isn’t in a visible spot. I also have zero problems eating without it. It was doing so little work all these years as a teeny weeny baby tooth that it really didn’t add any value to my eating life at all.

When I look back on all those years when I was nervous about my baby tooth falling out, I actually find it a little funny. I suppose hindsight is 20/20. And I guess there’s always fear of the unknown, but in this case, I barely even notice that it’s gone. I was scared of a hole in my mouth and how it might make my mouth less efficient. I was also worried about the cost of an implant. But now I realize an implant isn’t even fully necessary where it is. I’ve been eating just fine without this baby tooth there for about two months now, and I have zero concerns. I also told the dentist today that I also don’t have concerns about other teeth shifting as a result of this gap because I’m one of those diligent freaks and wears a lower retainer every single night.

I still have the baby tooth. I will keep it as a long time souvenir to remind me of my weird predicament of having two baby teeth with no adult teeth that ever developed under them. All I have to say is: I really hope Kaia has all her adult teeth develop under her baby teeth!!!

Mid-Autumn Moon Picnic

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Kaia’s current school does an annual Mid-Autumn Moon Family Picnic, which, weather permitting, is usually held outside at a nearby school’s playground. This year, they had to move it indoors into the school gym. They used the downstairs classrooms surrounding the gym for activities like face painting, moon cake making, beading, arts and crafts, visor making, ballon artistry, and temporary tattoos. While pizza is provided for all the kids, all the families are asked to bring food that can serve at least 12 other people, and they specifically asked for the food to be bite-sized.

My initial pause when I read this was around the “bite-sized” restriction. I originally wanted to do something savory, but what could possibly be “bite sized” I could make easily that would be savory? Then, I moved into the idea of an autumn bake (double baking weekend!), something simple like a mini pumpkin “donut” (really a mini muffin) rolled in cinnamon sugar. Our buddy family told us that last year, everyone over indexed on desserts, so there were too many desserts and not enough savories. I understood that completely given the “bite sized” description. But I figured it would be better to come with the homemade mini pumpkin donuts so I wouldn’t have to overthink things.

Something that I need to learn from, a mistake I make over and over again, is multitasking too much in the kitchen. The biggest case in point here: Chris gets mad at me whenever I multi task while double boiling chai, as chai boils over very quickly because of the milk. Today, I was doing the ultimate multi-tasking: I was making three different savory dishes for this week’s dinners, while at the same time trying to measure out all my wet and dry ingredients for these mini pumpkin muffins. When I popped the mini muffin tin into the oven, I couldn’t figure out why the batter wasn’t “evening” itself out the way it normally does given the high temperature bake. The batter can look a bit bumpy and not smooth on top, but that usually solves itself within the first five minutes in the oven. This didn’t happen this time. The muffins rose, but they didn’t rise the way I expected and still looked bumpy and lumpy when I took them out when the timer went off.

I went back to the recipe and scanned over every ingredient… and it immediately dawned on me that I NEVER ADDED THE BROWN SUGAR. I never even took out the brown sugar bag to measure it out! I essentially ended up making a pumpkin spiced whole wheat mini bun, not a real donut or muffin because there wasn’t even a granule of sugar in this!

I ate it, and it tasted fine, but nothing to get excited about. It tasted like… seasoned carbs. You could definitely taste the pumpkin spice. It has pumpkin puree, egg, and whole wheat, so it’s not like it’s nutritionally void. Kaia ate one and said she liked it (bless her heart, as they say down in the South). So I guess I’ll be packing these for her school snacks this week to prevent waste. I ended up re-making the entire recipe all over again — this time, with the brown sugar. I went over the full ingredient list one more time before I finished the batter, re-filled the mini muffin tin, and baked. Then I rolled each in butter and cinnamon sugar and packed them away to take to the indoor picnic. These tasted good, and they were quick and easy… well, easy as long as you read the damn recipe and measure out every ingredient properly and do not multitask.

Well, once again, the food spread had more desserts than savories. And the savories were definitely not all bite-sized: people brought everything from empanadas to platters of dumplings to various noodles. There was even fried chicken! As we all know, “noodle” dishes are certainly not “bite-sized.” I guess I took the “bite sized” suggestion too seriously. Maybe next year, I’ll do what I originally wanted to make and bring a savory dish. I could make a sticky rice, a tossed noodle, or if I am feeling really fancy, a scallion milk bread bao.

Autumn baking for friends

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I am always looking for an excuse to bake. I have an endless list of desserts ranging from muffins to cakes to tarts to custards to mousses to brownies I want to make that it’s nearly impossible to keep track of. They are in OneNote, my phone’s notebook, in my browser “favorites,” bookmarked in my New York Times Cooking app, saved in my Instagram posts; the whole situation is unruly and totally out of control. With just the three of us at home, it’s hard to justify baking regularly. Plus, as someone who is working on body recomposition, I think it’s just a bit too self-indulgent.

So when a friend invited us over for brunch today, I immediately knew I wanted to bake something autumnal. So I chose these spiced apple muffins and got Sweet Tango apples from the local farmers market for them. I wanted to perfect these muffins and ensure they got a good muffin top, especially after my blueberry muffin fiasco from the spring when Chris’s parents came. I was so excited to make them fruit muffins for breakfast, but I really messed up: not only did the muffins stick to the tin (which I ended up tossing), but they didn’t rise that high. So I read more about what causes muffins to rise and get a proper “muffin top.” After some research, these are the secrets: 1) after mixing dry and wet ingredients, allow the batter to rest for at least 30-45 minutes, and 2) blast the muffins in the oven with 425 F heat for the first five minutes, then lower the temperature to about 350 for the remaining time to evenly bake. The resting allows full hydration of the batter and the rising agents to work their magic to the fullest extent. This lets the flour’s starch molecules absorb liquid to create a thicker batter that holds a taller shape. The initial high heat blast in the oven “shocks” the batter into an initial rapid rise and sets the crust into a dome. And well, this time, it worked! I also didn’t make the same mistake twice, and I got proper muffin liners for my muffin pan. I felt quite happy when my friend’s husband looked at the muffins on the brunch table when I laid them out and asked where we bought them from. 🙂

Now that I got this right, I feel more empowered to keep the muffin momentum going. What’s the next muffin I am going to make?

The babysitter bearing gifts… again

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We had our babysitter from a couple weeks ago come back to take care of Kaia this evening, as Chris got us tickets to see Mo Amer at Radio City Music Hall tonight. Last time, I wasn’t that happy that this babysitter allowed Kaia to sleep at 9:15; in fact, I was so annoyed that when we got back, I had to give her a mini lecture (and then followed up with a text message to reinforce this) about why Kaia needs to sleep earlier. I gave very clear instructions both verbally and written in a notebook for her. Before this babysitter, I’d never had any issue having Kaia in bed, lights out, by 7:30pm, if not earlier. All the other babysitters were good about this, and she was always asleep for quite some time by the time we got home (usually around 10pm). This babysitter, while well meaning and very sweet, just isn’t as strict, and Kaia clearly picked up on this quickly.

Tonight when we got out of the show and I checked my phone, the babysitter messaged to let me know Kaia went to sleep at 8:45, which is still an hour and 15 minutes AFTER the time I said she had to be in bed by. So while I was annoyed, I was a little less annoyed. When we got back, she told me that Kaia kept tossing and turning in the bed, then finally got out and told her she was not that sleepy and asked if they could play hide-and-seek for a little. And so the babysitter relented. I was annoyed and had to repeat myself again that she really needs to be in bed by 7:30, no stalling, no questions, no nothing.

Again, even after I told her not to bring gifts, this time she said she just wanted to share and knew Kaia would like these things. In addition to more bilingual English/Chinese kid library books, she also brought a couple coloring books (she claims she has “lots” of these at home), as well as two packs of ready-to-eat chestnuts, and even a little Taiwanese pineapple cake. She insisted that these were for belated good wishes for Mid-Autumn Moon Festival. It was very hard for me to fault her for this kindness and generosity in thinking of Kaia with this recent Chinese holiday, so I thanked her and let it go.

So I still feel conflicted. I know this babysitter means well, and she is clearly very kind, warm, sweet, generous, and thoughtful. But I need a babysitter who can set boundaries better and instill discipline. The next time she comes will be a Thursday, which means it will be a school night, and so she absolutely needs to sleep by 7:30pm.

There is no such thing as a perfect babysitter or caregiver. I don’t totally mind that she gets these random one-offs to sleep later while having fun and building a relationship with a different trusted adult, especially as she is close to turning five now. But I need my instructions to be followed. So, we shall see how this works out.