Going down from 4 to 3 pumps per day

I originally told myself that when Kaia turned 11 months, which is literally in 4 days, I would officially drop down to 3 pumps per day. But given that I have been doing 3 pumps per day each Saturday we’ve been going out, I figured… what difference is it really going to make, anyway, if I start it just a few days earlier? It means one less set of washing pump parts; one less hour connected to a pump, 10 less minutes connecting and disconnecting, more time to myself to do whatever else I need or want to do. Today was the second day in a row of 3 pumps per day, and it felt so weird. On days when I am not out and am home or just working from home, my pumping schedule will be something like 7:30/2:30/9-9:30, but on days when I am out, I will need to push the second pump probably closer to the last pump of the day. Today, I did my second pump at 2:30, and it just felt a little odd: I can’t remember the last time I felt so liberated, not pumping and not feeling the time pressure to pump or get something done before pumping. Every Saturday and Sunday felt like a time crunch to pump and get something done before or after, and today, for the very first time ever, I did not have that feeling. It felt weird.

It’ll probably take me some time to get used to it, and for now, it feels nice to have such big pump outputs in my three pumps a day. But I know at some point, my body will get the signal that I’m pumping less frequently because I am getting closer to weaning since my baby needs less breast milk, and so that amount will eventually start dropping off. It will likely be a little emotional, especially since I worked so hard to get my output up in the beginning. I’m just mentally trying to prepare myself for that drop off and my eventual weaning off of pumping and providing my baby breast milk. It’s likely the most intense journey I’ve ever been on outside of trying to conceive, getting and staying pregnant, and labor and birth. My body has done Kaia and me a lot of good, and I am blessed and grateful for it.

How “baby friendly” is New York?

I always feel a little conflicted when I hear this question, or when I even think about it from my own experience. It always comes with an assumption that New York, given how urban and dense the city is, is not baby friendly. It’s not that it’s baby unfriendly: you see endless babies in strollers and carriers literally everywhere you go. Public transportation actually exists here and is functional, so you technically don’t even need a car to cart your babies around. The issues that always come to mind first for myself are the fact that if Chris weren’t with me, there’s pretty much no way I could carry Kaia and her stroller up and down the subway stairs by myself, not just because I lack the physical strength, but more because of my wrist/hand problems. Plus, when you go into the majority of restaurants, they will not have changing stations/tables for you in the restrooms to easily change your baby’s diaper, so I end up having to put her changing pad on some dirty bathroom floor and change her there. Once, I even let her sit down on the dirty bathroom floor (well, she refused to sit still on the changing pad!!) because I (ugh) smeared poop on my hands, and there was no way I was going to get it off just by washing one hand at a time as I usually do when I have changed her. And the latest realization: a lot of restaurants here just don’t have high chairs because they do not assume you will be bringing a baby with you to dine. And many restaurants, especially the further downtown you go, will not be spacious enough for you to push your stroller inside.

But the United States is not baby friendly overall for endless reasons that I won’t go into here. But if it is unfriendly for no other reason, it’s that the vast majority of people who live in this country need to have a car to get around… it’s an absolute necessity. And that’s kind of annoying. It seems easier to have a car when you have a kid because you can just leave the car seat in the car, dump the stroller broken down into the trunk. That’s what my friends who have children always say, and they say they cannot imagine being me, hauling a stroller up and down subway stairs every weekend. But is it actually easier to live in one of those places that requires car ownership… when this means you have to… rely on yourself more and less on society itself?

Exclusive dining at The Polo Bar

Getting the reservation for our group of customers, prospects, and fellow employees was not easy tonight. One of my colleagues happened to have a father-in-law who owns a food distribution company that distributes to The Polo Bar, so he was able to call in a favor for us. We got a corner table that was semi-private. I knew this place was a trendy, celebrity-type hot spot as soon as I got out of the car in front of the entrance. There were two hostesses waiting outside with clipboards. They asked me what party I was coming in with, then asked me to check in at the front podium. I went to the front podium and shared my party, then was told to check in at the SECOND podium towards the bar. At the second podium, I was asked to then walk downstairs to check in at the THIRD podium. So in the end, I had to check in FOUR times before I was escorted over by a host to my company’s table. That, plus they asked me if I wanted to bring my coat to the coat check (um, no thanks. This isn’t a night club!).

It is no wonder to me why this place is a celebrity hot spot: as soon as you walk in, it’s clear from the ambiance they’ve created, plus the clientele, that this is a place people go to see and be seen. The bar was glittering gold. All the countertops were granite and gold. Even the bathroom mirrors and sinks and fixtures were all gold. It was a little bit ridiculous how over the top everything looked, but it was clear that the vibe they were going for was old-school New York uppity vibe, even though I believe this restaurant opened just seven years ago. The service was also very good: they constantly hover over to ask if you need anything or would like a drink, a second or a third; they are so discreet as to always top up your glass of water or wine so that you don’t even realize they have done it until you look at your glass, wondering why it looks so full since you’d already had half of it.

The food and drink were excellent, as well. The drink menu was absolutely nuts. I asked for a cocktail menu, and the server handed me the menu and opened it directly to the page with “reserve cocktails.” I got so confused for a second and wondered, why are all the cocktails $90+ each???? And then I realized that “reserve” meant that these cocktails were being stirred or shaken with the top, TOP shelf alcohol. The bottles were likely hundreds if not a thousand dollars each. And I asked the server, “So, how can I see the… regular cocktails?” He flipped the page for me. Oh, okay, got it: those are $23+ each. I guess my company can stomach that cost better.

It was a fun night of good food, service, ambiance, and decent company. I could get used to these events again. And yes, that $23 anejo tequila cocktail was likely one of the best cocktails I’ve ever enjoyed.

First work dinner since pre-COVID

My company is hosting a small networking dinner at the swanky, trendy Polo Bar in Manhattan this Thursday evening. It’s a spot where apparently celebrity sightings are normal, and it’s difficult to get a reservation. I got invited, as there was an extra spot, and I’m sure the team thought it would be good to have a non-sales, non-white, non-male person represent the company. So I agreed to come. I also thought it would be nice to go to a work event after almost three years. But I realized that I am totally out of practice with going to any type of work or networking event, and even something as simple as how to dress for one.

Throwing on a dress is the easiest thing, but I also have to think about slightly adjusting my pumping schedule to accommodate getting to the restaurant. I also have to think about my outfit overall, my makeup, my hair — all the things I never think much about when I am on a Zoom call where people can pretty much just see my face and my neck. I’ll have to “talk shop,” but I hope this will be a good event to make work a bit more normal in a type of an endemic.

When baby’s first word comes

Kaia is almost 11 months old, and so I figured at some point soon, she’d start attempting to say real words. I know she knows a lot of what we say just based on her reactions and facial expressions. She knows our tones, like when we don’t want her to touch certain things or go to certain areas of the apartment. When she goes into a room she knows she’s not supposed to enter, she will give a cheeky little smile and look back at us, then make a “run” for it by giggling and crawling as quickly as possible into the room. When I say her name or “Kaia Pookie,” she always looks up at me. When I say “no,” she will hesitate and try to continue what she was doing, even though she can tell I am going to carry her away in another minute. In the last week, though, it really has sounded from her frequent and louder babble that she is truly trying to say real words. I was secretly hoping her first word would be Chinese. So it wasn’t a surprise when today, for the first time, she actually waved at our nanny when she was leaving for the day, and she repeated “buh buh” multiple times while waving her hand up and down. A few hours later, I was changing her diaper and handed her one to hold onto while I was taking off her dirty one, and I said, “I’m changing your diaper now. Can you give me the clean diaper?” And she looked up at me with a huge grin on her face and said, “Dai—paa! Dai-paa!”

I did a double take and looked at her huge smiling face. Did she just say “diaper”??!! She proceeded to repeat it at least 5 or 6 times after that, and I thought, how hilarious: my baby’s first word is “DIAPER”?!

Passing out candy for Halloween – the highs and lows

Since we moved into this building five years ago, we’ve signed up to pass out candy to trick-or-treaters every year we could. The last two years due to COVID, the building did not allow for this. But this year, they’ve resumed the tradition. As an adult who never really got into dressing up for Halloween, I do enjoy seeing little kids and babies in their Halloween costumes. Babies especially are super cute in the outfits their parents come up with, particularly the edible ones. My absolute favorites that I have seen include spaghetti and meatballs, Cup of Noodle, and sushi (as a whole family). I also love it when families all dress up in a theme. It’s so sweet and makes for great family photos.

The lows of passing out candy? When kids don’t want to say “trick or treat” or even thank you, but try to barge into your candy bin/basket. They begrudgingly seem entitled and give you the evil eye as they want candy and nothing else. Also, another sucky thing is when there are teenagers who are nearly adults who show up at your door, barely even in costume. You’d have to wonder why they even think they should get a single piece of candy from me and didn’t just have me slam the door in their faces. But I’m still nice to them and give them candy, but I make them say trick-or-treat… because that’s so difficult to do.

When my almost 11-month old is ravenous

The last couple of days, Kaia’s solids eating has been sporadic. She’s been drooling a lot, sticking her fingers and fists in her mouth, and exhibiting irritation due to teething. I guess from the age of about 4 months to 3, pretty much any type of annoyance or pain for a child can be attributed to teething. Upset? Teething. Not eating? Teething. Rejecting her bottle? Teething. Teething likely can cover about 95% of all grievances at this stage of development, as it’s been said that teething is the most painful thing that human beings go through.

Today, I made something new for her: Instant Pot keema with peas and potatos, made with ground turkey. Making keema with ground turkey is a bit unconventional, as it’s traditionally made with lamb, goat, or beef, but I happened to have turkey, as I originally got it since Kaia still hadn’t had any turkey yet. Plus, I figured this would be an easy way to introduce it to her, along with more Indian spices.

I originally served this to her without salt as usual, but with rice. I had quite a large helping of keema in her bowl, and I figured whatever she didn’t eat, I would just finish. But I was shocked to see that she ate the ENTIRE portion I served, which looked like an adult portion of keema! She loved it so much and kept sticking both hands into the bowl to try to self feed whatever chunks of turkey and tomato her little hands could grasp! It was the cutest thing. I wish I had recorded her doing this, but I unfortunately had both hands dirty from feeding her food. But sometimes, we just have to live in the moment. It was such a happy thing to see her really get into the food and enjoy it, barely pausing to take breaks and constantly “mmm”ing the entire time. I love watching my baby enjoy the food I make her. It is one of the best feelings.

My sweet little strawberry (and milk bottle)

I’ve never been much of a Halloween person. My parents never really cared about any holiday. I was only ever allowed to have one costume that I was supposed to wear until forever (that ended up being a crappy jack-o-lantern costume). I went trick-or-treating, but I usually disliked about 80 percent of the candy I was given. I always used to wonder why most of the candy I got from trick-or-treating was crappy — mostly things I didn’t like, such as candy corn (the WORST), Hershey’s kisses, too many tootsie rolls. I can’t even remember all the junk and what we ended up doing with all of it because we definitely didn’t eat it. But I always wanted Twix or Skittles, or the “good” stuff. I rarely got those.

Now that I have a baby, I knew I wanted to dress her up and as something edible for Halloween. I really wanted to dress her up as a mango, but alas, I couldn’t find any baby mango costume (or any mango costume for that matter). So I went for the next closest thing that was sweet (and not too expensive): a strawberry. The added bonus of this 3-part costume was that outside of Halloween, she could still wear the base pink shirt and white stockings.

Chris thought my strawberry idea was “meh” in his words. So he got her another costume that was also simple but effective: a bottle of milk, complete with a red hat with a “nipple” on top. Not only that, but there’s even a millimeters measurement on it, as we measure Kaia’s milk in milliliters and not in ounces.

Dressing up my baby as edible delights was a predictable route for me to take, but I didn’t realize we’d become THAT family that got our child more than one costume per year. 😀

Always things to buy when there’s a baby

When there’s a baby at home, there’s almost always something additional you need to buy, whether it’s more diapers, diaper cream, wipes, clothes, supplies… It feels like you’re in a never-ending cycle of constantly consuming more products. Chris just placed an order for more diapers and noted that for the same size box of diapers, quantity and size of diaper, the price has gone up about 17% since the middle of the year — seriously? All I have to say is — our salaries have definitely not gone up by that much since mid-year.

My nanny also keeps telling me that Kaia has outgrown the infant bunting bag for her stroller, and I need to upgrade and get a toddler sized one, as it’s getting colder outside, and she needs to stay warm. I’ve been stretching the infant bunting bag for as long as possible since last winter, we barely used it at all, other than to take her home from the hospital after she was born. So I finally sucked it up today and ordered a new, larger one. And to add to the list of things to buy: the nanny also suggested getting layering pieces for Kaia – short and long sleeved undershirts. But that also means she will need more sweaters and thicker clothing, especially for January and February when it will be especially chilly here in New York.

Next thing you know, she’ll be walking, and we’ll need to get her all types of different shoes, as well. And then we’ll find even more things she needs. We’re always in a state of buying more stuff now.

When (baby) formula frees you

Yesterday, I caught up with a neighbor friend whose baby is 5.5 months old. I hadn’t seen her or properly spoken with her since her baby was about one month old, so I wasn’t sure how she was doing or how her pumping journey was going. Similar to Kaia, her baby just wasn’t able to suck well and was also a bit on the smaller side at birth, so she had to resort to pumping quite frequently early on. She knew my journey was still in progress, and so she leaned on me for a lot of advice and tips. She told me that while on a trip visiting family in Utah and Colorado at the four month mark, she finally just decided she couldn’t do it anymore, so she weaned herself off pumping quickly to dry up and switched 100 percent to formula. She said she already wasn’t able to provide even half of her baby’s needs with pumping, so she didn’t see a point to continue. And though she has just gotten comfortable with her baby being exclusively formula fed now, she still has pangs of guilt every now and then, especially since she still hasn’t gone back to work and won’t until January.

“I feel so liberated, though, so free!” my friend said. “I felt guilt, but I have so much more free time to just enjoy her and do other things and not be stuck connected to a pump. I can leave the house and feed her anytime, anywhere! I can hold her just for the sake of holding her. I feel like I can have a life again!”

I hear this a lot from moms who make the switch to exclusive formula feeding, that it’s freeing, liberating, gives you agency over your life and your body. It gives you more time to bond with your baby. I get all that, and last January, I momentarily even thought about just stopping. But I’m still happy I kept up pumping. It definitely has been a sacrifice, and my life certainly has not been that free because of this chosen journey, but my baby will only be a baby once, and so I have no regrets that I went this route. But what this also means for me is that whenever I do finally wean off the pump and completely stop breastfeeding, it will definitely warrant a celebration of some sort. It will be the end of an era and the beginning of a new one, plus open the doors to new ways to bond with Kaia.