Kaia learns to drink with an open cup

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A lot of people asked if I was planning to get Kaia a sippy cup. Many people just assumed this, including our nanny and parents on both sides. For the longest time, sippy cups were the “normal” thing to introduce babies to after they weaned off the bottle or breast. But the more I read about sippy cups, the more I realized that getting Kaia to learn to drink from one would allow her to gain no real long-term skills. The real skills she needed to learn from 6 months onward when it comes to drinking fluids is drinking through a straw and open cup. She mastered a straw after just a few tries. An open cup has certainly been more challenging, but she does seem to understand the mechanics more or less. We do still expect a number of spills, so to conserve things like soup or milk, we have her practice with water.

The cutest thing happened today while I was encouraging her to tilt her cup more. She was being a little conservative, and she wasn’t tilting her cup enough. So I kept repeating gently, over and over, “Tilt it more, Pooks! Tilt it just a little more! You can do it! Tilt it!”

Out of nowhere, she looked me in the eye and exclaimed, “I know!” in response. Chris stopped what he was doing and looked up, and I looked at him in shock.

Did she actually just know what she said? It’s unclear. But what is clear is… I know for a fact that I’ve got a very, very cheeky Kaia Pookie on my hands.

An eventful lunch out with a bang at the end

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Today, we went up to Banh on the Upper West Side to have a late lunch. The last time I ate there was by myself in 2021, when I was very pregnant and testing out strollers at a nearby shop, and off work for a company-wide wellness day. The food and drinks there have always been delicious, and they are very well known for their weekend specials, which they change every week. Unfortunately, we got there too late today, so all of the specials they had that we were interested in getting were out except for one. It was pretty disappointing, especially since we don’t go there often at all, but at least it was fun to see Kaia enjoy the food: she slurped up her fresh rice noodles and was obsessed with the lemongrass grilled beef we cut up for her.

The visit ended with a bit of a bang. Chris suggested that I check her diaper since Kaia had had a lot to drink. And as I took her with all the changing materials to the bathroom, I realized that her bottom felt like there was a leak. As soon as I opened her onesie, I knew it was trouble: a big pile of poop was in the left leg of the onesie, and Kaia cried and cried. I smeared poop on the changing pad, the floor, and even my pant leg. It was… quite the spectacle. I had to rub off excess poop on her onesie and flush it down the toilet and get her diaper changed quickly. I took her out of the bathroom with Kaia just wearing her diaper. People were probably wondering why I was carrying a nearly naked baby as I walked back to our table. Luckily, we still had a second change of clothes for her in her diaper, so Chris got her into those.

Chris was reflecting on Kaia’s output history. In the beginning as a newborn, Kaia struggled to poop and would get backed up. A couple times, our night nurse even had to stimulate her to get the poop out. Now, Kaia has zero difficulties pooping: in fact, now she poops so often and so big that Chris has already ordered the next size diaper for her, even though those diapers are meant for toddlers who are 2+ in age! That’s how big her poops are now – they’re like explosions every time!

Thit kho and baby’s first pork ribs

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It’s been at least 3-4 years since I last made thit kho — Vietnamese braised caramelized pork with eggs. The last time I made it, it was for a Lunar New Year friends’ gathering at home in our last apartment, and I remember using my Instant Pot to make this traditional Vietnamese new year dish, as well as using pork belly, which is traditional. This time, I got the idea from a food blogger I follow to use baby back pork ribs instead since pork ribs are quite a bit leaner than pork belly. Plus, with just two adults and a baby to feed, I really didn’t want to have that much pork belly in the house. So I waited for pork ribs to go on sale at Whole Foods before making this dish. I used my dutch oven to make it and braised it for just over two hours over the stove. It came together really easily with just a handful of ingredients. I also used two bottles of Harmless Harvest coconut water, so we can be certain the coconut juice requirement is legitimate and tasty. As soon as I tasted the braising liquid after a couple hours, I knew the flavor was right. I also knew Kaia Pookie would really enjoy these. Ribs are a great food for babies to eat because it provides chewing/gnawing skills, which help babies understand the “map” of their mouth. And since Kaia’s chewing and tearing skills are already so mature, I knew she’d enjoy the taste as well as the pure act of eating these.

Well, I was right. After dinner last night, our nanny reported that Kaia pretty much cleaned off her entire dinner plate; she gnawed every last bit of meat off both of her rib bones; she loved the ribs so much that when she realized she was done and had no more to eat, she started crying.

That made me so proud: my baby is appreciating traditional, authentic Vietnamese flavors, and at the same time, she’s also respecting her meat enough to get every last bit off the bones. That’s a good baby right there.

Baby shoes – how the hell do you figure out the fit?

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The nanny suggested that we get Kaia shoes so that they could practice walking outside. In all the sources I’d read, they all said that babies don’t need shoes until they are walking. They are much better off learning to walk on their bare feet, no footies, no socks, to properly grip and understand their feet indoors. So buying shoes wasn’t high on my list since Kaia had only been cruising along furniture. But I thought, well, maybe shoes at the playground would be helpful, so I picked out a few pairs on Amazon and had them sent. The sizing is by age range (12-18 months), and one brand said they ran large, so I got two pairs that are 12-18 months, and another pair that was 8-12 months.

Well, they arrived today. And all three are way too big. What are we supposed to do now, get custom fitted shoes??

When the stroller rain cover gets stolen

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Our nanny took Kaia out to the library earlier today, and it was raining, so she put the rain cover over the stroller. She saw it was quite wet coming in, so she dropped the stroller cover off in front of our apartment in the hallway today and then made her way down to the playroom for a couple hours before dinner. When she came back, the stroller cover was missing. She just assumed I had taken it in at some point, but I never did. I never saw the stroller cover out at all, even when I went out that afternoon. We asked the security and porters. We asked our doorman. I went to the manager twice to see if there was any way to find out where the cover had gone. But it’s nowhere. Someone actually SWIPED it??

The stupidest thing about the stroller rain cover going missing is that it would be pretty much worthless to almost anyone. It is fitted to the exact measurements of our Nuna Triv stroller. It’s just a piece of plastic to someone else. So it infuriates me that someone just took it.. if they actually did and the nanny is actually telling the truth. We’ve never had anything in front of our apartment unit disappear until today – no shoes, no umbrellas, nothing. And on a rainy day, wouldn’t it make more sense to steal someone’s umbrella?

In the end, we didn’t trust our nanny. I think she probably lost it or even purposely threw it out given we had a mini tiff earlier in the day, and she probably did it to spite us. It’s a good thing I got her sweating when I told her that I’d get management to show me video footage of the floor to see if anyone HAD actually taken it.

Approaching nearly two months of staying away from her crib

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I thought that Kaia not sleeping in her crib would just be a temporary thing, that eventually she’d go back to her crib within a month of coming back from Australia. Unfortunately, we’re almost approaching two months of her sleeping on our bed between us. Everyone keeps suggesting to just move her back into her crib after she’s fallen asleep; well, unfortunately, we’ve tried that too many times, and it’s always failed. As soon as she feels she’s being moved, she opens her eyes, looks around, and then screams bloody murder. She can barely go 3 minutes without going ballistic.

Maybe I should be more firm about the “cry it out” method at this point, but I’m a softie with her. I hate hearing her cry for too long, and the idea that she’s going to cry so much that she will vomit really bothers me. Plus, I’d be lying if I said I did not enjoy waking up to her little face right there on the bed. I like hearing her babble as soon as I wake up, and sometimes, I even like her trying to sit and roll all over me before I’ve woken up. This time is all finite, as they always say. It won’t last forever, so I’ll just enjoy it as long as it lasts.

Working in an office vs. working from home

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If you asked me before the pandemic and baby if I would ever consider a fully remote role, I would have given you a grossed out look and said I never would consider it. Why would I want to be alone all day? I’m a social person. I love seeing and talking to people all day long. I love having that comraderie and driving office culture. I love the free lunch (well, I used to have that), snacks (hehe), office supplies, and all the other little freebies and perks that go along with working at a tech company. But once the pandemic came, Pookster was born, and pumping breast milk became part of my life, my perspective on working from home and having that level of flexibility totally changed.

Now that pumping is over, I still feel conflicted about working in an office once again. It’s not that I have the opportunity to given my current company has no New York City office, but the thought at this moment really does not entice me at all: the commuting, the dressing/getting ready every morning, not having as much flexibility with my own non-work life. I don’t have anyone keeping tabs on me to see when I am coming in, going out for breaks, or leaving for the day. There are no spies watching or reporting back to some losers who care. There’s no office gossip. Going into an office every day feels very… ugh. I got this question a lot while at kickoff last week, and my general answer is… no, I don’t want to be in an office again. I’m happy with what I am doing now and the flexibility I have.

The magic of Ms. Rachel

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A number of mothers have let me know the magic that Ms. Rachel from YouTube has worked on their young babies. Ms. Rachel has encouraged babies to clap, make hand signals, wave byeybye, and say words and phrases. There’s a lot of skepticism around whether any of this is actually effective, but I’d say that if it gets your baby to actually say and do new things that they hadn’t done before, then it’s a win. I’m careful with how much I let Kaia play with our phones and be exposed to screens, so I don’t want her watching anything endlessly. So over the last two days, I let her watch Ms. Rachel three times, in 10-minute increments. She seems to light up and giggle a bit when she sees Ms. Rachel’s face and hears her really high pitched voice. During just 30 minutes of watching Ms. Rachel, Kaia had already repeated “keys,” “got it,” and tried to do different finger movements to follow Ms. Rachel as she sang and used her fingers to show “itsy bitsy spider.” Very quickly, I was impressed and in slight awe. This was really working!

1st time being separated from baby

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This Denver work trip was the very first time I was separated from Kaia overnight since she was born. It really wasn’t a long work trip at all — I left mid-morning on Wednesday and arrived back in the wee hours of Saturday morning, so she got to see me again when she woke up on Saturday at around 6:30am. It’s always been unclear whether Kaia actually recognizes that someone is missing or gone. When Chris went away on three separate work trips, once just overnight in Australia, she didn’t seem fazed at all. When she got separated from our nanny multiple times, she didn’t seem to care (other than crying when the nanny came back after her two-week long Jamaica trip). But it did make me happy when she woke up on our bed on Saturday morning, and she said repeatedly, “mama” and “mummy.” I hope she was happy to see me again, as she was quite smiley.

I didn’t really mind being away from her the first night or the second night, but by the time Friday came around, I did miss her and want to play with her again. While at the airport, I started watching videos of her on my phone just to see her and hear her sweet little voice. These times really do fly by, and I want to soak it up as much as I can while she is this little and actually wants to spend time with me. I missed my little Pookster and was happy to be reunited with her again.

Mental health advocate – the emotional labor of fundraising for suicide prevention

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I generally am pretty open about my brother’s death. I openly share that he died ten years ago, and that he died from suicide. Well, I kind of have to be open if I am fundraising for an organization called the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), and I say that I fundraise in memory and honor of my big brother. There’s really no way to get around that, is there?

I’ve been very fortunate and privileged in all these years fundraising. Family, friends, colleagues, ex-colleagues, acquaintances, even totally random strangers who have never met me in real life have donated money to my fundraising drive because they’ve been touched by Ed’s story and my desire to share it. Many of the people who have donated have donated year after year, since year 1. They don’t have to do it, but they do. But part of the reason I know so many people donate is because of how much detail and information I share regarding how Ed died and how he suffered. And so with all that detail means that people do have a sense of what I went through, and they then feel like they can openly share their own struggles, whether it’s with themselves or their loved ones, with me. And while I feel privileged that they feel they can come to me to share their most personal, vulnerable stories… it’s honestly a lot of emotional labor and burden for me. I’m then associated with mental health and suicide prevention in their minds, and so I’m someone they they feel comfortable sharing with when no one else “gets it.” I “get it,” right, because I lost Ed through suicide. So I’ll “get it” with my colleagues.

So I sat there and listened to a few stories of struggles of friends, family members, and children over the last couple of days at SSKO. And while it was touching to be remembered and thought of, it was also… tiring. It was already tiring to be around 400 of my colleagues nonstop for two days since I work from home, but then to add this additional layer of emotional labor just left me feeling beat. I like it when people come up to me to share what new food they’ve tried or made because they were inspired by me; that gives me energy. Having these conversations around mental health and suicide attempts, while I hope they are helpful… they drain me. I want to help, it feels good to help. But it’s definitely exhausting. Everything has its price.