Streamlining the daily face “maintenance” routine

I’ve never worn a lot of makeup. Since I was very young, my mom always rammed into my head that while eye makeup and lip products are fine, I should always steer clear of foundation/face makeup. She said that foundation would age me faster and make the quality of my skin worse. She used to scrutinize my face occasionally after not seeing me for a while to see if I was wearing foundation. Occasionally, when I had a tinted moisturizer on, she’d ask me accusingly if I was wearing foundation. I always said no. I mean, I wasn’t lying; the moisturizer was just tinted…

While I debate a lot of things my mom says, I don’t think she was wrong about this. A lot of foundations have all kinds of weird additives and chemicals that would not allow your skin to “breathe” properly. Many are unfortunately reputed to clog pores. And because everyone is a unique person, a product can affect one person very differently than the other. While there are many on the market now that are supposed to have ingredients to moisturize and even help with skin concerns like fine lines and wrinkling, I still have no desire or patience to use them. I’m fairly satisfied with the state of my skin, so I don’t really think I need it.

At dinner the other night, my friend commented on the tinted lip balm I was using. Since the pandemic, I don’t even have the patience or desire to fuss over a lipstick or lip balm. I feel like I’m so over all those products, not to mention how expensive they are. I have always been lip balm obsessed, since I like the soft feeling of having balm on my lips, but I normally wear just plain lip balm. But TINTED lip balm: it was like the best of both worlds. I had the moisturizing properties of lip balm, combined with the “hint” of color and shine of a lipstick or gloss. I don’t think I will ever go back to a real lip gloss or lipstick again. And what’s also great about this: the tinted lip balm I’m obsessed with now is SO much cheaper than the average clean lipstick/lip balm!

Daycare and school: where you cannot control everything

Now that Kaia is in daycare/school, there’s really little to no way to control everything. Even when our ex-nanny was with us, I couldn’t control everything. She repeatedly went against my back and did things I explicitly told her not to do, and she’d overlook and forget things I gave instructions for her to do. But with daycare, even when you provide detailed notes to the administration and ask that they pass it onto the teachers of your child’s class, there’s no actual guarantee those notes will ever get to the teachers. So it can make you wonder why you have to fill out all those endless forms in the application process to begin with, when you will likely send multiple messages to the teachers directly after you start, and have to reiterate it… yet again in person during drop-offs and pick-ups.

One of the things I wrote in Kaia’s food notes in the original enrollment forms were: no foods with added sugar. Well, these notes were never passed onto the teachers. And even when they were, the teachers actually don’t even know what I mean when I say “added sugar.” To them, they didn’t recognize that fruit or fig bars actually DO have added sugar in them; they said they were “natural sugar.” No, not really: the way these things are processed, it’s definitely added sugar! I had to explicitly write: no fruit or fig bars. The teacher wrote this in capital letters for all teachers and substitutes on the fridge for all to observe (or so we think). Then, I saw photos posted on the daycare app of all the kids, including my own, eating cinnamon raisin bread. In what world does cinnamon raisin bread not have any added sugar? And what about Special K with strawberries — they were also eating this for breakfast the other day! It suddenly hit me that it was highly likely the teachers did not actually understand there were added refined sugars in any of these foods. And that really made me sad: that’s the state of our education. Average Americans don’t even know what they put in our bodies willingly.

At the end of the day, I cannot police everything, and I cannot constantly message the teachers banning all these items from being put into my baby’s body. At some point relatively soon, the Pookster will likely have regular exposure to it, so it’s really going to be up to her (to a certain degree) regarding whether she wants these things or not. For example, yesterday, they were doing deconstructed s’mores. To my inner joy, I was so happy to see that my baby ate part of the graham cracker, but refused the marshmallow (processed, nasty sugar) as well as the tiny bit of chocolate. That’s my baby.

My affectionate baby

I got lucky in endless ways with my baby: Kaia is growing into a sweet, affectionate little toddler. Not only does she happily kiss or lean her face in when you ask for a kiss in English or Mandarin, but she also readily asks for hugs. One day, she was just walking around our living room, came up to me, and said “Hug?” And immediately threw her arms around me and hugged me. It was so sweet that I nearly melted into a puddle.

She’s also understanding a lot more of what we’re saying. A couple weeks ago, while reading one of her favorite books, Bluey at the Beach, when we come to one of the end scenes where Bluey finds her mum out of nowhere, and they both embrace, Kaia loves to blow me kisses and hug me when this happens, and she either starts saying “Hug! Hug!” or “Muah! Muah!” It’s so heartwarming that sometimes, I just want to freeze time and play the scene over and over again.

It’s nice to no longer have a stranger in my house

A few weeks ago, our handyman friend came by to help repair something. It had already been over a month since our ex-nanny had left. And he said to us, “Can I just ask: doesn’t it feel good to not have a stranger in your home anymore?”

I immediately answered… YES. While I’m sure many families consider their nanny “part of their family,” unfortunately, we never got to that point with ours. Our ex-nanny was a source of a lot of frustration and tension, constantly judging the way we did things, whether that was how we set up the apartment or how we chose to parent. One of her very favorite phrases to start sentences with when she first started was, “you new moms think you know everything.” She was inflexible and hated any type of constructive feedback, instead scowling or responding harshly to it as though harm had been inflicted on her. I especially do not miss cleaning up after her, whether it is the food that she’d leave on the floor around Kaia’s eating area, which she either willfully ignored or was just blind to; the smeared fruit on the couch that she’d miss, her crumbs on our kitchen counters and in our entry way from all her snacking, the food she’d spill or smear on or in our fridge, or even her makeup stains on our walls and doors. In retrospect, sometimes it felt like it was more work having her as a nanny than not having her.

And now that Kaia is 1.5 months into daycare, it makes me even more grateful for the fact that we found a daycare/school that seems to be pretty good, where the teachers have accountability, and where I know she is exposed to and learning new skills and activities every single day. I don’t have to come up with activities or try to convince a nanny to actually do her job. Each day, I see photos and videos of her doing different arts and crafts or practicing her fine motor skills. And each day, I don’t have to think about whether I am showing enough “gratitude” toward the caregiver of my child. I don’t have to worry about whether something I said will piss the teachers off, and they will just decide to stop showing up; that does not happen at daycares the way it happens with nannies in your private home. The emotional load of having a caregiver in your home is not a small one, especially when that caregiver is repeatedly disrespectful of your wishes and requests, but fakes it to others. It’s strange to me that more people do not discuss or address this in online parent groups.

Kesar mangoes – a box of 12, straight from India

In 2020, for the very first time, thanks to the generosity of an Indian shop owner in “Curry Hill” in Manhattan (high 20s on Lexington), I got to try the glory and deliciousness that is the kesar mango. Kesar mangoes originate in Gujarat in India, and given India is known to have one of the biggest varieties of mangoes in the world, this mango is quite famous for its deep complexity, as well as its deep orange flesh color. I still remember when I first had it with Chris. We filmed it as an episode for Yvonne meets Food, and I was totally blown away: it’s sweet with strange acidity notes throughout. It’s as though it starts sweet, and then the acid hits you later. But depending on what part of the fruit you are eating (or which section of the pit you are sucking :), it’s more in-your-face at some times vs. others. The color is so deep and orange that it could even look like someone artificially colored it! Each bite is literally not the same as the previous, and I think that’s what, in general, differentiates Indian mangoes from the ataulfo and kent mangoes that are grown in Mexico and readily available in the U.S. during mango season: the complexity of Indian mangoes is just unmatched.

So I was pretty excited when Chris surprised us with a delivery of 12 Kesar mangoes, imported from India, sourced through delivery via Say Weee! Though they were pricey at about $4 each, these babies are worth it. They are small and have far less flesh than the ataulfos, but man, each bite is like BAM! SO MUCH COMPLEXITY AND FLAVOR. They keep surprising you with each lick and bite! And thankfully with this order, none of them seem to have any ripening issues as the Alphonso mangoes we got from Patel Brothers last May. We’ve already cut six open, and while some were a bit overly ripe (and of course, went straight into homemade lassis), the others were succulent, rich, and lick-your-fingers-and-cutting-board juicy and good. Yummmmm.

Toddler selectivity in action

This morning, I cut up a bunch of Kesar mangoes that Chris ordered online through Say Weee, but a lot of them were a bit too ripe to eat as whole pieces. So he suggested we turn them into a lassi. Well, I did this, and while we both enjoyed them, Kaia did not. She took one look at the small cup I prepared for her, shook her head, and said “no!” in her usual high-pitched voice, ending in a higher pitch as though she were asking a question. After repeat attempts to show it to her and have her watch us drink it, she still refused and got no FOMO from it. She just kept rejecting it. So in the end, I just drank her small portion and let it go.

Kaia has embraced pretty much every fish we’ve ever introduced to her, so we thought it would be a no brainer to give her some of the white fish jook/congee we had leftover from dinner last night. Well, she initially refused it and fought it. But after watching me eat a few spoonfuls and make “mmmmm” sounds, she finally agreed to have one bite. Then, she ended up eating all the remaining fish in the bowl, as well as all the jook.

Toddler selectivity is definitely at play here. I know for a fact she would enjoy the mango lassi, as she’s had it before after she watched me have it and gobbled it up. Sometimes, I think she just refuses for the sake of refusing. It gets tiring and definitely tests my patience, but I am still not willing to give up on introducing new/different things to her. I recently gave her some apricot, which she also repeatedly refused, though she was absolutely obsessed with them this time last year. The problem with a lot of foods she’s had and loved before is that they are seasonal, so it’s not like she can have year-round access to them. So this ends up becoming a challenge to “re-introduce” these same foods to her.

Older kids and their curiosity

Today, we took the LIRR out to Port Washington to visit my friend, her husband, and their two kids. Their oldest is 5, and their youngest is about 8 months older than Kaia, so just over 2. As soon as we arrived, we were bombarded by their two kids. Their younger one is a bit shyer and seemed to prefer observing and interacting with Kaia as she explored their endless collection of toys and books. The older one seemed more fascinated by Chris and me as adult guests. She was quick to show us all the things she’s been making in school and in her extracurricular activities, and she wanted to show me all the new things that were recently purchased by her parents or gifted to her by her grandparents or her other parents’ friends. It was really cute.

I think what stunned me about their oldest, their daughter, was exactly how chatty she was, how she was insistent on having back and forth conversation, and how she knew just so much. She seemed to be aware of all the latest songs, cartoon characters, and even how to operate all the electronic devices (Google) in the house. It will be curious to see how Kaia develops and how much she enjoys interacting and speaking with other adults. Right now, she is absolutely obsessed with saying “hi,” or “hello!” and waving constantly to almost everyone she passes. I wonder if she will continue to be that open and friendly as she gets older.

Increasing awareness and understanding of Kaia Pookie

Every day, Kaia is learning even more things and becoming more aware. When she wants to go outside, she either says “shoes” or “jacky” (jacket), grabs her jacket and/or shoes, and demands to go out while saying “outside!” When I’ve come to pick her up from school each early evening, when we get into the elevator in our building, she now says “nineteen,” as when we’ve been in the elevator with others, others will ask what floor we are on to press the button for us. Next, she will ask for “keys?” She anticipates a lot more now.

This is a good and bad thing. When she sees her saline nose spray or Frida nose sucker, or the toothbrush, or hears me say “brush teeth,” she immediately starts squirming to run away or yells. She also is NOT a fan of getting her hair combed, or of having me do her hair each morning.

She also has recognized when we have replaced one word for another. After she started recognizing that “paci” referred to her pacifier, she kept repeating the word. I changed the name to “dummy” when I’d refer to it to Chris, but she quickly recognized that dummy = paci, so she’d say both words. My baby is getting too smart for us.

Cancelled lunch with colleagues

Despite the fact that we’re a tech company based in San Francisco and have many, many employees in the New York City area, we do not have a New York City office, nor are there any plans to make one. Everyone seems pretty happy with having our main U.S. offices just in San Francisco and Denver, and the lack of East Coast office just means that all of us East Coast employees are 100% remote. But what this means is…. we pretty much have almost no in-person bonding time. No water cooler moments. No chance to get to know random people in the kitchen or bathroom or water fountain; sometimes, it can feel a bit lonely. Even though I don’t miss the politics of my last company, I do miss having the in-person camaraderie: I miss the coffee catch-ups, the occasionally lunches and happy hours. I also miss having the random jokes and desk laughs, plus of course, the free snacks and food.

So when my colleagues who live in Westchester mentioned that they’d be in the city today and wanted to have lunch, I immediately jumped at the chance. I cleared my calendar and shifted some meetings… And then was immediately disappointed when the air quality in the area was so bad, ranking even worse than Delhi, that my colleagues decided to reschedule for a later date.

Sometimes, it feels like the only colleague I get to interact with is… my apartment. And that’s the sad, annoying thing about working from home full time. I appreciate the privilege of working remotely full time, and think it fits my current stage of life with a young toddler and a family to feed/chores to get done, but these are the moments when I get annoyed and wish I could talk to more people every day.

The apocalypse has come to New York

In the last few days, wild fires have been breaking out all across Canada. The news has reported that over 400 wild fires are active, and the largest concentration of them are in Quebec. Unfortunately, what that also means is that the smoke is coming all the way down to the northeast part of the U.S. Yesterday, I noticed a huge haze over the city, and when I went outside to pick up Kaia from school after 5pm, it largely smelled smoky outside.

Today, it’s been even worse. Inside our apartment, even without the air conditioning turned on, it smells smoky. The building shut off AC in all common areas since our HVAC system pulls in outside air. The sky has ranged in color from dark grey to orange and yellow. At times, it got so dark in our apartment that I had to turn on overhead lights during the day. Downtown is no longer visible from our windows looking down south. I can’t see the water along the Hudson anymore, either. Kaia’s school sent out a notification that none of the kids would have outdoors time (as they usually do during the summer) due to the poor air quality. In my neighbors groups on Facebook, pregnant women are worried that their fetuses will be harmed. Dog-owners say their dogs refuse to go outside because they can smell the smoke, and so they are searching for any spare wee-wee pads for them. Lots of people can be seen walking the streets wearing N-95 masks.

Climate change knows no borders. It doesn’t discriminate. This, unfortunately, looks like it will be our new normal.