Workplace camaraderie when virtual

Posted on by
Reply

As a parent of a young child, I find it hard to fathom a life where I actually was required to be in an office five days a week full time. That’s a pretty privileged and spoiled thing to say since the majority of full-time working America only knows what that is like, and not what remote or hybrid work feels like. But I was remotely working full time once the pandemic started. I got laid off from that job during the pandemic, then six weeks later got hired at another company that required me to be 100 percent remote in New York City, where my company has no offices. So for over five years now, I’ve only been working remotely. And while I have loved the flexibility, especially with Pookster in tow, I know I still really miss in-office camaraderie.

It’s really hard to “make friends” at work when you are fully remote. Pretty much any “meeting” you have with colleagues will be over Zoom/some other video chat, and virtual meeting fatigue is a real thing. If you have all these internal and external meetings throughout the day, the last thing most people want is a friendly “coffee catchup” over yet another Zoom call. So the very small handful of people I consider “work friends” are actually people I do commit to chatting with 1:1, at least once a month or once every other month, and we chat about work and non-work things. And it’s a relief to chat with people about things that are not work related because it acknowledges that we’re actually human and have things that matter to us outside of work.

I spent almost four hours hanging out with a work friend who is based in the Raleigh area over dinner and drinks last night, and we had so much fun just talking about all things work, positive and negative, and also our lives outside of work. We were laughing so much that our bartender/server seemed a bit left out of the fun and kept checking in to see if he could possibly join in (half joke). But all that reminded me of the fun I used to have when I was at the office, when it was easier to make friends the “normal way” (as in, in person!) and get to know people over work happy hours, dinners, and just by the water fountain or kitchen. At my last company, I was basically the culture queen, organizing work socializing events and getting people to mingle. Here, no one thinks of me that way since we’re all virtual. All of that in-office fun seems like a very distant past, even though it was just over 5.5 years ago.

Quick 24-hour trip to Raleigh, North Carolina

Posted on by
Reply

I booked a relatively last minute trip to come down to Raleigh, North Carolina, to do a customer meeting and also host a customer happy hour. Our customer chose the happy hour spot, which was a new, upscale restaurant in downtown Raleigh. It had high ceilings, textured murals on the walls, beautiful, modern chandeliers, a large bar that actually sparkled, and a level of service that really blew me away. We had a group of about 15 people in total. Somehow, our server was able to remember every single person’s drink when offering to top them up, as she asked them specifically if they would like a second (fill in the name of the specific drink) when coming around. It was really impressive to see her in action; she was like a wizard! In addition, we ordered a number of appetizers for the happy hour event, which included a pull-apart bread served in a cast iron pan with scallion butter, beef sliders with horseradish boursin, arugula, and caramelized onion jam, amongst other things. The sliders were delicious, but what really impressed me was the pull-apart bread. It was a little crisp on the outside (from being baked in a cast iron pan), and super warm, fluffy, soft, and tender on the inside, with a subtle sweetness that reminded me of Portuguese sweet bread. I think I got a third portion of the bread because it was truly that good.

While I’m aware that Raleigh has been growing in popularity with both companies opening offices and headquarters there (and thus more people moving into the area from all over the country, if not world), it didn’t really hit me exactly how “new” everything was until I walked the streets of its downtown area. Almost every building felt like it had just been constructed and had a new and shiny feel to it. All the restaurants seemed modern and spacious, with large open bars and extremely high ceilings. A bakery I visited that got rave reviews had creative pastries on the menu, like a baklava croissant and a “have a little faith in me” pull-apart croissant with brown sugar almond frangipane. I visited only three different food establishments today, but the quality of the food, drink, and service has been really astonishing. I suppose it’s partly the New York City snob in me to be skeptical, but I’ve traveled enough around the U.S. to know that delicious, truly hospitable places are really everywhere, and oftentimes in cities and neighborhoods where you’d never expect it. The other part of me, though, is more impressed because post-pandemic, overall it feels like quality of service has declined everywhere. So it’s given me good vibes to get really great service during my short time in Raleigh.

A toddler’s mind and logic converted into words: “It’s raining on my leg”

Posted on by
Reply

When I picked Kaia up from school yesterday late afternoon, we were walking towards the subway entrance when she suddenly said, “Mummy, it’s raining today.”

I wrinkled my brow and looked down at her. “Pooks, it’s super sunny and hot today,” I responded. “There wasn’t any rain!”

“No, it’s raining,” she said, looking up at me, looking hurt because I contradicted her. “It’s raining on my leg.”

Oh, wait. That’s when I stopped and pulled her over to the side of the sidewalk. I looked down at her backpack, and I realized that a teacher likely did not close her water bottle properly. It was dripping so quickly that the water had already soaked the bottom of her backpack and actually was dripping down her leg! I wiped her leg, then took her backpack off her back, removed the water bottle, and resealed it properly. Then, I turned it upside down to ensure it was no longer leaking, and we went about our way into the subway station.

Toddlers can be so smart, so sweet, so hilarious, and so absolutely illogical and infuriating that you just want to rip all your hair out when they have their monstrous tantrums. But when they say cute things like, “It’s raining on my leg,” it shows you how they are putting their understanding of the world together into words. Kaia comprehends the meaning of, “It’s raining.” She also understands getting wet. But she doesn’t really know how to say that something is dripping down her leg (at least, I don’t think she does yet). So, this was her way of conveying it. I found it really cute and clever at the same time, and a sweet look into her psyche and how she’s making sense of the world in her beautiful, developing 3.5-year-old mind.

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) ingredients; appreciation for culture

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve never been a pro medicine person. I avoid pain medications for as long as I can possibly stand, which is a bit odd to say because luckily, I rarely have a need for them unless I’m having a god-awful period, or suddenly a headache is coming on. I would much rather do whatever “natural” remedy out there exists. For period pain, if possible, I would use a heat pack on my abdomen. For headaches at night, I would rather just sleep it off or drink more water. But sometimes, the medication is absolutely vital, like when you get pertussis (good ol’ whooping cough!) or a peri-tonsillar abscess (the miserable joy from last November that I would much rather forget ever happened to me). Then, you have to take the damn pills and give in.

I never thought much about Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) even though I was given endless tonics, herbal teas, and soups lovingly made by my grandma, mom, and aunt growing up. They always said that at a given time of year (depending on the season), your body needs these herbs or these berries or special ingredients. I generally just smiled and nodded, obediently drinking or consuming whatever they gave me and assuming that it really was all good for my health. It’s not that I ever doubted it; it’s more that I wasn’t sure how much “better off” I was now that I had consumed said soup or tonic. I didn’t start actively thinking about TCM until I got pregnant in 2021 and was carrying my Kaia Pookie. Then suddenly, I was reading about all the benefits of all these Eastern ingredients and assuming that of course, they all must be nourishing and making my baby and me stronger! I wanted whatever natural remedies and herbs were out there to help me recovery more quickly and to potentially help give me a good milk supply!

One of my best friends is about to give birth any hour now. And I told her that I would make some of these TCM herbal teas and soups for her after she came home. So now, I’m once again immersed in all the ingredients. I had to restock a bunch of things I ran out of from my postpartum period, and I went to a herbal shop in Chinatown today with English/Chinese/pinyin notes ready in case I couldn’t find what I wanted and needed help. This was my list:

Red dates (hong zao): High in antioxidants; “heaty,” so good for postpartum recovery and “warming the body”

Dang shen root: Good for restoring “qi” or vital energy; helps combat fatigue and exhaustion; nourishes blood, supports digestion by strengthening spleen and stomach; boosts immunity; like “poor man’s ginseng” because it’s milder but still beneficial

Goji berries (gou qi): Combats fatigue, boosts immune system, high antioxidants

Dried wild yam slices (huai shan): Restores energy and vitality; good for kidney health, can increase milk production, cleanses system after giving birth, helps with hormone balance

Dried longan (gui yuan gan or long yan gan): Improves blood circulation, increases energy and vitality; can increase milk production

Astralagus root (huang qi): Immunity boosting, high in antioxidants, good for kidney function and sleep quality

Dried hawthorn berries (shan zha): Rich in antioxidants, boosts digestion, improves skin health

I suppose it’s true that with age, we start believing more of what our elders taught us when we were young. I guess that may be the reason, along with my general anti-medicine approach, that I’ve started reading more about TCM. In the last two years, I’ve gotten more into making nourishing, homey Chinese soups; it’s made me realize that many times, less actually can be more. And I’ve also read more about what traditional Chinese herbs and ingredients I could incorporate into everyday cooking. It’s not only been fascinating and fun to learn about, but the other way I look at this is that I’m delving into yet another aspect of my (Chinese) culture that I hadn’t previously paid much attention to. No, I won’t be using or suggesting any of these herbs to cure anyone’s cancer or HIV, but I do believe that a lot of these herbs can play a role in everyday health maintenance and wellness, so why not incorporate them? Plus, it’s another way to diversify one’s diet and ensure you’re eating more plants, which is a win for anyone!

Toddler birthday parties and “playing together”

Posted on by
Reply

Kaia was talking all about Seneca’s birthday party all week. She was so excited to go to a birthday party, to see Seneca again, and to play with her and her friends. This was likely the biggest kids’ birthday party I’d been to, or that Kaia’s been to other than the school ones (which frankly, do not really count). Seneca had 11 classmates and three siblings, plus their parents, come join the party in Prospect Park. My friend’s friend brought his human-sized bubble tubs and made endless bubbles for the kids, and the kids played with ribbon wands and balls, amongst other gadgets.

So, we arrived at the party, and while Kaia eagerly gave Seneca her birthday present, after that, they didn’t seem to want anything to do with each other. Kaia wanted to play with the ribbons and some other more outgoing friends. Seneca wanted to hide away from everyone and kept running away. And when Kaia saw Seneca run away, she decided she would run, too…. along with three other kids. I definitely got my step count up today with all this running around and making sure a bunch of 2- and 3-year-olds didn’t get lost or leave the park.

When it was time to leave, Kaia was happy to hug and give Seneca a high-five, but while Seneca reluctantly engaged, she still wasn’t really into the company and was pretty shy. So, I came to this conclusion that maybe toddlers actually act out the way adults act out, but in a cuter way: we want the attention, affection, and love of others, and we want to know they are around… we just don’t want them all that close to us and in our faces. I get it. I get it.

Unexpected tears when watching the field trip bus unload the children

Posted on by
Reply

On Thursday when the field trip bus was delayed coming back from the Melville farm, I stood at the other location of Kaia’s school several blocks down with the other parents and waited for the kids to arrive. As bus arrived and parked, all the parents got into a commotion in regards to where the bus would park and when they could actually collect their children. But our school had a pretty careful system: they had all the teachers get off first and arrange themselves by class. Then, they slowly asked each child to get off the bus; the child was then received by hand by another teacher to stand by their appropriate class group. When all the students were in their respective class groups and the teachers were all present, they then walked them, class by class, to the front of the school where us parents stood, and then each lead teacher or admin would release kids by class one by one.

As I saw all the kids get off the bus, I suddenly felt like my heart was heavy. My baby is 3.5 years old now, turning four this December, yet she’s already gone on three field trips with her summer camp! This means that she’s had three fun-filled experiences involving school bus transportation without me. And of course, she will have even more of this fun and learning-filled experiences without me in the future. I wasn’t able to be there to witness her excitements and little joys and new discoveries. Her teachers and classmates were, though. And as the groups approached the school building, I could see Kaia spotting me from the crowd and poking her head out as much as possible to give me a cheeky smile to let me know she knew her mummy was there waiting for her to take her home. There was just something about all this orderly off-boarding the bus and obediently walking in lines that made me feel sad, resulting in my eyes welling up with tears. My baby’s growing up so quickly, and there’s nothing I can do to pause or stop it even for a second. It was like just yesterday I pushed her out of my uterus and was struggling with breastfeeding her. Yet now, she’s already going on field trips in Long Island and acting like a real student in a real school.

I guess that’s another thing about motherhood: so many emotions all the time like a roller coaster, and like a really good roller coaster, you cannot always see all the twists, turns ahead of time. Sometimes it’s the littlest things that catch you off guard that make you cry your eyes out or feel like your baby is growing up just a little too fast for your liking.

New trends, new pizza spots, and a different kind of waiting

Posted on by
Reply

Ceres Pizza opened earlier this year just a couple blocks from Kaia’s school. Every time I’d pass it, I barely even knew what I was passing back in the winter months. It was really quiet, barely had anyone in it. And then suddenly, these crazy long lines started forming, and it became the pizza spot that was showing up on every “best of” list in New York City. A major pizza critic/YouTube influencer gave it a 9.2/10 rating, thus catapulting it into “pizza nirvana.” They used to sell slices, but now given their popularity, you have to commit to a full pie. When I’ve passed it in recent months, there was never NOT a line.

Today, I passed it around lunch time to find that there were at least 20 people in line, along with all the tables fully occupied inside. A person who had already taken her pizza to go told me that she actually only waited about 20 minutes in line before ordering, and her pizza came out pretty quickly. So at around 4pm, I went to Ceres to see if I could get a to-go pizza and bring it home for dinner. When I got up to the front, I got disheartened when I heard the cashier tell the woman in front of me that if she ordered now (4pm), her pizza would not be ready until 8:30!! The woman said that would be too late, and she left. I confirmed that I heard this correctly with the cashier, and she said I did. She suggested that in the future, if I wanted to order pickup for 5pm, I’d need to get in the same single pizza line, place my order and pay by 1-1:30pm, then the pizza would definitely be ready at 5pm. They have no phone line to call, no online ordering system. It almost felt like they were manufacturing demand. Then again, given that the small kitchen is fully open and in view from the front, I guess it wasn’t like they had endless manpower or ovens to get all these pizzas cooked that quickly.

So in this case, there would be two types of waiting to get this pizza: the first wait would be to get the order in by standing in line; the second is that I’d have to come back hours later to pick up the pizza, which would be in a “to-go pizza” queue. This would necessitate being in the area for at least half the day. Granted, since Kaia is in school down there, it would be easy for me to do this on a day I’m working from the co-working space office. But if this were any other situation, it would likely never work! I’ll probably just need to throw the towel in and wait until the hype dies down in six to twelve months, but I’ll continue keeping my eye out since I’m nearby often to see if this hype ends sooner.

Subway malfunctions and flood warnings

Posted on by
Reply

I love the New York City subway system. Sure, it has its faults as any public transit system would, but it’s really hard to hate it given that it runs 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and you can rely on it to get to most places throughout the four boroughs (sorry, Staten Island). Because of the New York City subway system, I have had zero reason to drive for the last seventeen years, so that makes me super, duper happy!

But then there come the times when the subway does, in fact, malfunction, and you are left wondering to yourself, what the fuck is actually going on here, and how did a 13-minute subway ride become a two-hour commuting nightmare? The last three days, there have been power outages, likely due to high heat/hot weather, at the West 4th Street station. This has meant that all trains going through it, so the A, C, E, B, D, F, and M trains, have been negatively impacted. It took Chris multiple line changes and walking to different stops to get home today from dropping Kaia off at summer camp — a total of two hours of commuting time.

I was cognizant of this when I went to pick her up later in the day. I went into the Columbus Circle subway station and checked the times. The status board said it would take about five minutes for the next B/D train to arrive. It ended up taking longer than that, plus a stall right before West 4th Street. I still arrived at her school at about the same time I usually do for pickup. Unfortunately, she was not there when I came, though. The teacher at the school answered the door to let me know that the bus was stuck in traffic. Several classes had gone on a farm field trip to Melville out in Long Island, including Kaia’s. They left early given the rain/flood warnings this afternoon, but due to multiple unanticipated road closures, they were running behind. The bus was not expected to be back for another thirty-plus minutes.

Of course I was annoyed, but it was out of their control even when they intentionally left the farm early, and nothing else could be done. So I walked around for a bit and popped into a bakery a few blocks away to pick up a pork floss onigiri for Kaia, as I knew she’d be hungry given we’d be late for our usual dinner time at home. I stopped by a tamal shop I noticed a couple months ago when I walked by it to pick up some horchata for myself to stay hydrated, plus two tamales to go. It made me realize that while I’ve spent the last year really exploring Chinatown deeply, I have really neglected the Lower East Side. It’s right next to Chinatown, and it also has endless delicious things to check out. So I made a mental note to self on this.

The bus finally came at around the time the teacher estimated. I told Kaia we had to take a different train at a different stop to get home, and this would necessitate more walking. She did perfectly fine when we went to Canal and took the yellow trains home. But I knew she’d eventually whine and whinge on the walk from the 57th Street yellow train stop to home given it was more after-school walking than she was used to. She happily nibbled her onigiri during the entire subway ride uptown.

We didn’t get home until past 6:30 when we usually get home from school between 5:30-5:45. But in the end, we got her fed, showered, read to, and sleeping. It was definitely tiring, but it definitely made our after-school routine a bit more exciting for Kaia, as it wasn’t as predictable. Plus, we both got extra steps in!

An unexpectedly great dining experience in Midtown Manhattan tonight

Posted on by
Reply

I had made a 6pm reservation for dinner with a female friend before our Summer for the City at Lincoln Center Festival Orchestra show. Our show was at 7:30pm, so I knew we were going to be tight on time for dinner given we would be about a 13-minute walk from David Geffen Hall. I arrived about two minutes before 6pm and checked in with the hostess, who asked me if I’d like to be seated at the table to wait for my friend. I perked up: wait, what? She was actually going to seat me before my “whole party was present”? I was already pleasantly surprised by this given that at most Manhattan restaurants, especially ones as new and trendy as this one, they refuse to seat you until your whole party was present. I got seated, and my friend came about two minutes later.

When our server came, he checked in to see if we wanted to order drinks. We said we needed a few minutes to review the menu. And unlike at other new, trendy Manhattan restaurants, he didn’t come check on us until we asked him to come over. We put in our full order, including drinks. They spaced out our starter from our mains. They didn’t bring my friend her drink until the food arrived, just as she requested. Our server came by and checked on us just once to see that the food and drinks were to our liking. The service was attentive without hovering, and they were not even remotely pushy to get us in and out at all. We had to cut our meal short given tight time to walk to Lincoln Center for our show, but I was just so surprised by how good the service was and how I never felt rushed at all.

Plus, the food was delicious. We ate at BKK, a “Bangkok meets New York” style fusion restaurant that had opened just a few months ago. Our drinks were perfect and well made. The papaya salad was truly “Thai spicy” as we asked for, and as the server and staff complied with. We shared two mains: the crab fried rice and the “brisket kee mao.” The crab tasted like it was freshly plucked out of the shell, and the brisket, so a fancy version of pad kee mao, was melt-in-your-mouth tender. Of course, the prices were elevated given the trendiness of the restaurant plus the location, but given the freshness of the food and the flavors, I think it was most definitely worth it.

Now, why can’t all post-pandemic Manhattan dining experiences be like this? After more than a handful of rushed experiences with servers who have put really obvious pressure on my dining partner (usually a female friend) to order, eat, and get the hell out while at many new-ish, trendy restaurants in Manhattan, this was a truly positive and delightful dining experience, especially given the location in midtown.

Fashion choices and changes over the years

Posted on by
Reply

Ten or fifteen years ago, during hot summer weather, you’d never see me wearing a pair of pants. That was a huge no-no for me. In the summer, all you’d see me in was dresses, skirts, and short shorts. The idea of wearing pants during the summer made me think of having clothes stick to my skin and make me feel icky. But then in 2018, we had a trip planned to India during June-July, when I knew that I’d need to maximize non-sticking clothing as much as possible. So in preparation for that trip, I purchased two pairs of cropped linen pants after hearing about how linen was the perfect warm-weather material for coverage while also keeping cool. Only one of those two pairs has lasted until today, but my love for linen has stayed with me. Now when I think of warm-weather clothing, especially if I am buying something new for myself, all I can think about is linen, linen, and linen… And maybe occasionally some cotton.

Ignorantly though, I actually didn’t really know what “linen” meant back then. I just recently learned that linen is made from flax, a fast growing plant that traps carbon and doesn’t require fertilizer, pesticides, or even much water. Almost the entire flax plant can be used to make clothing, so there’s almost no waste left over. In addition, the majority of flax is grown in Europe and thus processed there into clothing, which means that there are higher standards for safety as well as eco-friendliness.

So this summer, I’ve been wearing my linen pants a lot more often not just to keep cool, but also for leg coverage so that I don’t get unnecessary sun exposure, but also so that I don’t have to keep applying and reapplying sunscreen. I recently got a new pair of wide white cargo pants that are made of cotton, but it’s so lightweight that it almost feels like linen. I wore them the last two days, and they really feel perfect for the 90s-plus F weather we’ve been experiencing. They are wide-legged and long, and funnily enough, they actually give me an elongated look. This says a lot given that I am only 5’3″. I got a few compliments on the pants, and even when Pookster saw me wear them for the first time, she said, “Ooh, new pants? So pretty, mumma!” I had shied away from purchasing white white clothing for years, but then with the helpful tip from our former nanny on magic blue soap, I have realized that with a little maintenance from the beginning, I can actually safely keep my whites super white without the toxic, awful-smelling assistance of bleach!

So linen material, white as a color to wear again, and loose, wide-cut pants are things I’ve embraced in my late 30s that I never really thought I’d care about in my 20s. The main theme, though, is that I’m valuing comfort and hoping that it all still looks good on me. This is what happens with age – prioritizing comfort and versatility above all!