Happy 4th birthday to my little love Kaia Pookie

Posted on by
Reply

My sweet Kaia Pookie: You are my purest joy and all at once my most intense infuriation. Every day, I learn more about the meaning of happiness, joy, and love – all because of your sheer existence.

Earlier this year, I read a book by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu that discusses the concept of “mudita,” or sympathetic joy, a joy that celebrates others’ joy, delights in the good fortune and happiness of others without jealousy. And I realized that because of you, I get to experience that feeling every single day when something excites and delights you. Your happiness is my happiness; your pain is also my pain. We are inextricably linked for life. You are never going to escape me even if you want to!

Some days, I wish I could bottle up our moments together, that I could keep you safe and whole and little in my arms forever. But every day, my little love, you are getting bigger and bigger and less and less little. For now, though, you are still my little one, and I’m still your safe place. And that is enough to make this moment of your sweetness eternal in my heart. I hope you always know how hard I am trying to be the best mumma to you, the best example to you that I can possibly be.

It sounds a little ridiculous considering how many people get pregnant and give birth every single day, but every day, I count my blessings and consider myself so, so lucky to have you in my life. I know others who have not been as fortunate to have children who wanted to become parents, and so I know that the gift I have is not one that everyone is privileged and lucky enough to experience.

Happy 4th birthday, my sweet Kaia Pookie, aka Hoji, aka Pookster. You are my forever love, the one who has given my life far more sweetness and joy than I ever could have previously fathomed. Thank you for being my sweet, cheeky, rambunctious little Pookie Pie every single day. Mumma and Daddy love you more than words could ever fully express.

Downton Abbey – The Grand Finale, and the relativity of our “privileged” experiences

Posted on by
Reply

When we fly from New York to Australia, we cross the International Date Line, which means that we lose an entire day: we leave on the evening of December 8, and December 9 just disappears, as we arrive the morning of December 10. During this record-long 17.5-hour flight from JFK to Auckland (that’s the on-paper time; the actual time was closer to 17 hours), I was able to watch two movies, dabble in a few TV shows, eat two full meals, and sleep a decent night’s worth of sleep. I arrived in Auckland feeling really refreshed and awake. Of the two movies I watched, the first one I dove into was Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale. I’ve been a huge Downton Abbey fan since 2021 when we started watching it (yes, I realize I am extremely late to the fan club). The entire series is so good, and the writing is absolutely hilarious when it comes to how snobbish and classist the Crawley family can be. In the movie, Lord Grantham and his eldest daughter, Lady Mary, are in London, considering downgrading their large London home for a much smaller London flat. As they are viewing a potential flat, Lord Grantham walks down the hallway and questions why there is a family who would live above them, and then another family living under them. He groaned about it, muttering that it felt like a “layer cake of strangers.” It was clear that he was struggling to wrap his head around understanding modern apartment living. He even says that the idea of unknown people living so close to him was “extraordinary.” He asked what they were to do when they would want to “go up to bed.” Lady Mary responds, “You don’t go up (to bed), you simply go along (in a flat)!”

I laughed out loud at this, and quite hard. I’ve spent my entire adult life living in apartments in one of the most densely populated cities in the world, and so I always struggle at the idea of people who live in large homes and have too much space. To me, it always feels like wasted space. Who really needs that much space simply to live and exist?

As I laughed at this, though, I am reminded that it is all relative. Everyone’s version of “normal” Is quite different. I even thought about recent conversations I’ve had with Chris when we’ve talked about our opinions on business class in-flight service across our recent flights on British Airways, American, and now Qantas. We both agreed that BA in-flight service was pretty good, American was subpar (as to be expected since U.S. airlines are always terrible for service; even in business class, it feels like everything they do for you is a massive favor), and Qantas service was excellent (as is to be expected based on historically proven excellence). I could imagine the two of us having this conversation in public, and how some passersby could hear us and think we were two complete, utter snobs who were totally out of touch with reality. But the truth is: this is our lived reality, and well, we’re allowed to have opinions about it, are we not?

First onsite “evaluation” for kindergarten

Posted on by
Reply

Kaia will be starting kindergarten next school year, so the last couple months for us (okay, primarily Chris) have been spent researching different options in our area, both private and public. We’ve narrowed it down to two private schools to apply to, and both require online applications, application fees, parent interviews, parent essays, teacher recommendations (yes, really, if applicable from daycare/3K/4K), and child onsite evaluations. The onsite evaluation is typically a 3-4-hour block of time when you drop your child off at the school, and they are brought into a class of same-aged children to participate in the day’s lesson, and are then evaluated and scored.

These onsite evaluations are things I had only heard of previously, but I had always thought were a little nuts. What exactly are they even being evaluated on at such an early age? Children as young as just 6 months old are brought in for elite school evaluations. What are they judged on — how much or how loudly they babble, or how quickly they can crawl? The whole idea for such early ages seemed so absurd to me. Even at ages 2-4, this still just seemed so, so early to me. One of the parents I was in touch with at one of our consideration schools told me not to worry too much about the onsite evaluation or the parent interview. He summed it up as, “They want to make sure you both are decent people, and for the child evaluation, they basically want to have proof that your child is not disruptive.” So in other words, they want to make sure Pookster doesn’t smash all the windows, throw chairs and tables, or attempt to beat up all her classmates. Got it.

But we like both of these schools a lot, and so we want to “make sure we’re considering all our options,” as Chris said. So, we threw Kaia’s hat in the ring for her. Today’s school was our first onsite evaluation. Chris brought her in at 8:20, and I picked her up at noon. It ended up working out schedule-wise for us because Friday was her last day of school at her current school for the year. This evening, we’re leaving on a long-haul flight to Melbourne for Christmas. So we got to send Kaia to her onsite evaluation (aka, free childcare… or well, technically, childcare paid for by this school application fee!!) while we packed up the last bits, finished the final load of laundry, and I got some work done before we were heading to the airport.

I wasn’t sure how she would be or whether she would have liked the experience. We told her that this was “practice kindergarten” and that she would be in a class where the teachers would speak in Chinese to her, and all the kids would speak Chinese. So we encouraged her to listen and participate, and to speak as much Chinese as she could. I always know she understands Chinese. I am not always confident she can speak much other than the most basic. So I tried not to get my hopes up too much.

After I signed in to pick her up at noon, the founder greeted me and walked me to her classroom to get her. When I came in, the main teacher greeted me. In Chinese (this was a bit presumptuous, but in the end, I was actually happy with it since I understood everything she shared), the teacher did a quick but thorough run-through of what they did all morning: morning introduction, meeting, and discussion, exercise, snack time, lesson time, and wrap-up. Kaia had one pee break and was offered a pee at the end, but she declined (love this level of detail for this age). Throughout the whole day, Kaia understood what was communicated and responded in kind. She also participated throughout, and was very enthusiastic in her participation, especially with exercise (haha). She was well-behaved and listened throughout.

I felt like such a beaming, proud Asian mother of her Asian kid. She did well! The teacher was really happy with her level of understanding and participation! Kaia seemed to enjoy it and said that she liked her new (temporary) classmates and enjoyed the teachers. Pookster said she liked her practice kindergarten. This made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe this could really be a future place for her. But at this point, only time will tell where she lands.

“I am Daddy’s boot. I am Mummy’s heart!”

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve lost count of the number of “phases” that Kaia has gone through. She’s currently in a lot of different phases, including constantly asking who bought or made what item she owns, loving “pretending” or imaginative play, and inserting “actually” into almost all her sentences. She loves to look at pictures of food or other people eating, then pretend to grab said food and start munching away on it. She also loves to share all the junky food that her classmates at school like to eat, and then she shares her opinion of said food (e.g. “Bobby really likes chips, but I actually like lollipops more.” This statement is also coming from a child who has never had a real lollipop before, but hey, who is keeping track?).

A regular bedtime routine we have is that once we tuck her in, Kaia likes to ask either for a band-aid or an ice pack. Chris realized how obsessed she was with band-aids, and he also realized how unsustainable that would be (read; expensive!!) for these branded Bluey and Paw Patrol band-aids he had bought. So somehow, he managed to procure a pack of a THOUSAND band-aids, of various designs and colors, just to indulge our child a bit. She insists on opening the band-aid, peeling each piece off carefully and handing it to me, then selecting the special part of her body where it will go (it’s usually somewhere on her arm, leg, or knee). Then, I kiss her good night, and she passes out within ten to fifteen minutes.

I’m still in shock that she is turning four in just a few days. Sometimes, it feels like just yesterday when I was waddling around this apartment and New York, about to give birth to her any day four years ago. I loved every moment of being pregnant, even when I was dealing with sciatica, even when I had to pee almost every hour, and even when doctors were trying to freak me out about potentially inducing me early. And as I think about the last four years, sometimes I just cannot believe how lucky Chris and I got with her. Kaia is this super vivacious, rambunctious, curious, sweet, loving child, and she is truly all ours. I never thought my heart could expand as much as it has over these last four-plus years (including pregnancy, of course).

While Chris and I were drinking hot chocolate yesterday evening out of the Christmas market mugs we’d brought back from Vienna and Basel during previous European Thanksgiving trips, Kaia noticed that Chris’s mug was shaped like a boot while mine was shaped like a heart. She loved both designs, and declared multiple times, “I am Daddy’s boot. I am Mummy’s heart!”

I smiled so hard at that. “Yes, Pookie,” I responded to her. “You are most definitely mumma’s heart.”

Annual visit to Sixth Avenue and the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree

Posted on by
Reply

It’s our last weekend in New York for the year, and today, we walked down to the 40s to check out all the beautiful festive Christmas decorations along Sixth Avenue. Chris and I have been doing this for so many years that I’ve lost count how many times we’ve done this. And now, we do it with Kaia. All the usual fun decor was there, including my beloved super-large red Christmas ball ornaments, the nutcrackers, as well as the candy canes on “ice.” Endless Christmas trees decorate fronts of corporate office buildings. And then of course, there’s the magnificent Rockefeller Christmas tree.

Every year, it doesn’t matter what time of day you go or whether it’s Saturday or Sunday, but the entire area around Sixth Avenue and Rockefeller is completely mobbed. Getting through is never fun, and it always feels claustrophobic, especially when you have a young child in tow. You walk at the pace of snails, and the crowds are just endless. But we brave it to see our favorite Christmas decorations and the gorgeous tree. Once we finally reach the tree, it always feels worth it. It really is so extravagant and gorgeous — and SO tall and large! This year’s tree was particularly fat and bushy on the bottom. I really liked how “full” its butt was. We look at it for a few minutes, snap a few selfies and act like tourists and try to see if anyone is around who can help us take a picture of all three of us. And then we head back home.

Every year, people come from the suburbs, Long Island, upstate, the tri-state area, and all over the world to see Christmas in New York. We live right here and get to enjoy it as much as we want. Every year, I am reminded of how lucky I am that I get to live in this great, big, endlessly fun metropolis. World-class performances like the New York City Ballet’s The Nutcracker happen just three blocks from where I live. The best performers in the world come through here every single day. The food and culture here just defines diversity. New York does the festive season really, really well. And I’m so happy to call New York City my home.

The enchantment of The Nutcracker – 34 years later

Posted on by
Reply

When I was a little kid, I was obsessed with ballet. I loved watching the little foot moves, the twirls, the beautiful outfits. So when I was five, my aunt and mom took me to the San Francisco ballet to see The Nutcracker, and I was so, so excited. I was going to have an entire evening of what I loved most: Christmas and ballet! Unfortunately about half way through that performance, I started running a fever and wasn’t feeling well, so we had to leave early (I can only hope my aunt and mom didn’t spend too much on those tickets…). And that was my experience with The Nutcracker, or really, any ballet for that matter.

Years went by. My parents refused to let me do any ballet classes (“that costs money”). I lost interest in ballet. But when I got to adulthood and moved to New York City, I realized I was in the center of the world for the performing arts. And of course, I was now living in the home of the New York City Ballet — world renowned, the best of the best. I had to make this happen — this decades-long dream of seeing this enchanting holiday performance. Every year I checked for tickets, and they’d either all be sold out and/or insanely priced (clearly, I didn’t have any insider knowledge…). That was a challenge, plus I knew no one who wanted to go with me — either because they had zero interest in ballet, or they weren’t willing to spend this kind of money on a show. I finally made a friend who said she’d be interested if I could find tickets under a certain price point, and I got the tickets this year! And last night, I FINALLY WENT — 34 years later!

A friend joined me for the evening, and it was everything magical and completely transported me into my 5-year-old self, completely transfixed by the massive, gorgeous, sparkling, and GROWING Christmas tree on the stage; the dainty toe work and dancing, plus borderline acrobatics by some of the performers; the orchestral music that was so beautiful and moving that at some points of the songs, I was holding my breath because I wanted to really, really hear and feel the music. The costumes and the makeup were truly stunning. I had forgotten how many children are in The Nutcracker ballet performance; the littles were so adorable, so professional and graceful despite all being relatively young. As the minutes passed, it felt like it was going by too fast: before I knew it, Act I was done, and we were in intermission. Then once the entire show ended, I felt so sad. The magic was here and gone, just like that.

The entire experience truly lived up to all my expectations. I have zero regrets on these tickets, and especially on getting orchestra right, second row tickets; I had a perfect view of everything on the stage and was just steps away from the orchestra. If money didn’t matter, I’d go see The Nutcracker every single year and make it my Christmas tradition, as it really is such a fun, beautiful, and magical way to welcome the festive season. And once Kaia were to get old enough to sit through a two-hour show (plus appreciate how beautiful it all is… and actually understand how expensive these tickets are!!!!), I’d love to take her, too. But I was telling my friend that Pookster would likely need to be an older elementary school age before I’d be comfortable taking her so that she’d really, genuinely appreciated it. These tickets are not easy to get, and they certainly do not come cheap!

I’ll be playing The Nutcracker music a lot for the next few weeks as we get closer to Christmas and reliving the sheer magic that the ballet was last night. “The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” is just enchantment in itself — my absolute favorite.

Le Creuset enameled cast iron – lives up to the hype!

Posted on by
Reply

Last night after I hand washed my brand new 3.5-quart Le Creuset braiser with dual lid/grill pan, I decided to use it right away to cook the Italian fennel and pork sausage and mushrooms I was preparing for our pasta today. After briefly heating it up, I added some oil and the sausage to the pan and sautéed it for a bit. I was admiring the little handles on the sides of the braiser and thought I would tap the handle to see how hot it was, and WOW! Even after just a couple minutes on the stove, the handle was nearly burning hot! My Amazon Basics 5-quart Dutch oven, which I’ve had for 7-plus years now, doesn’t get anywhere as hot that quickly (to be fair, that dutch oven cost Chris’s aunt and uncle at the time about $35, and Le Creuset pots and pans usually go for $300+). I guess Le Creuset really does what it’s famous for, which is conducting heat well, evenly, and quickly. I think this brand really does live up to the hype so far. It also seems extremely easy to clean. This is like my new baby now that I have to love and take care of very well! Similar to Kaia being my only human baby, this braiser is my only Le Creuset item, so I need to take extra, extra special care of it.

To be loved is to be challenged

Posted on by
Reply

My friend, who has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for over five months now, has been telling me that he’s getting frustrated with her for being too intense and asked her to be “gentler.” In general, she’s a pretty serious, goal-oriented person, and she tends to say what she thinks and says exactly what she means. With him, he’s used to being indirect, passive, “not rocking the boat.” But to my friend and me, we find that quite boring… and meaningless. There’s no point in causing chaos for the sake of it, but if there’s an important topic that needs to be addressed, then just put on your adult pants and talk. Plus, I don’t think you ever really know or understand anyone unless you know what their real opinions are on topics that truly matter.

I was reflecting on my own relationship with Chris and my past romantic relationships with partners. And when my friend and I were discussing it, I told her that I find Chris to be one of the most annoying and exacerbating people I know… But in some funny way, I actually love that about him. All my previous partners just got so boring and mundane after a while; predictability can be a true snoozer. I love that he challenges me, even when it’s just for the sake of it to be devil’s advocate, because it’s kind of entertaining, plus it makes things more interesting. But I also think that when people challenge you, it kind of forces you to firm up your own stance and ensure you aren’t just full of crap. Plus, the chances are high that if you are having these types of exchanges, you tend to understand the other person more. And we all need a little more understanding.

Here’s a funny and recent case in point: For the last 13-plus years, Chris has constantly made fun of Le Creuset enameled cast iron company I like. He says they are overrated, that Amazon Basics made a $30 version of a Dutch oven (that I was gifted by his aunt and uncle and have used every single week since while we’re in town) that was better and cheaper (Le Creuset equivalent goes for about $430 in comparison), that it was just another dumb brand. He also loves to purposely mispronounce the name and call it “the CREW-sit.” Regardless of what he says, I like them a lot and have admired them for decades, but I was always too cheap to buy one for myself. Plus, the items are SO heavy and would require good storage space; space is a premium in our apartment. Tonight, he had Kaia and me open some early Christmas gifts, and lo and behold, a bright orange Le Creuset box was waiting for me. Inside the box was a gorgeous Marseille-blue 3.5-quart braiser with a dual grill pan lid, so the lid can also be used on the stove, as well!

I stroked the pan and admired its beautiful Marseille blue shade. Then I went to hand wash it and almost immediately used it to cook pork and fennel sausage and mushrooms for tomorrow’s pasta. He knew I would love this thing, but he will never a) stop giving me grief over it and b) stop making fun of the brand and mispronouncing it purposely. He’s my challenging baby.

Kaia’s 4th birthday party at school and all the things it entails

Posted on by
Reply

We asked the teachers to reserve today for Kaia’s early 4th birthday celebration since she will not be at school next week, and so Kaia’s been anticipating her school birthday party for weeks now. Chris organized and put together all the kids’ goodie bags. I pre-ordered her birthday cupcakes from Sugar Sweet Sunshine a short walk away from her school and would be responsible for delivering the goodie bags, birthday party snacks, and picking up her helium filled birthday balloons today. I ordered an assorted mix of cupcakes with variations of chocolate and vanilla cake and buttercream. I know Kaia will specifically want the chocolate cupcake with the chocolate frosting. But she specifically asked me to get vanilla cupcakes, as well, because two of her classmates only eat vanilla, she said. My caring Pookie thinks about others even when it’s her own birthday party.

Luckily, my 9:30 call got cancelled today, so I was actually able to do both the balloons and the cupcake pickup earlier in the day to avoid the impending rain in the weather forecast. For the balloons, I went to the same little shop in the Lower East Side that I found last year. The same guy was there to help me. I asked for a hot pink metallic “4” balloon and initially thought that was all I’d get. But then I kept looking at his other balloons and quickly got swayed by a unicorn balloon I knew Kaia would adore. I asked the employee how much the unicorn balloon would be, and when he told me the total for both, I sheepishly checked my wallet to see if I had enough cash. I was annoyed to find out I was exactly one buck short. He clearly didn’t want to deal with a credit card fee, so when I told him I was just a dollar short, he told me not to worry about it, and he handed me the balloons once I gave him the cash. It was win-win for both of us!

Even though Kaia’s school will not be near here next year, I love this little shop, and I love this guy who works here. Both times, he was consistently friendly, helpful, eager to please, and quick. Who knows — I may come all the way down here just to get her future balloons and to support this little shop!

Now, I’m curious to see how her birthday party went, and if she enjoyed the party and the cupcakes. Last year, she was groggy during her birthday party due to a nap, and from jet lag. She also did not like the vanilla cake I got her. But this year, she has chocolate as explicitly requested!

Update: Pookster loved the snacks, cupcakes, and the balloons. She asked to take one of the mini chocolate cupcakes home, and the teachers obliged by putting one into a cup for her to take out with me. But alas, as I was packing up all her goodie bag items into my canvas bag, she accidentally tipped the cup over, and the cupcake fell out upside down onto the floor of the school. And being the practical mother that I am, i took the top (thick!) layer of frosting off and handed it right back to her. A little gross? Yes. But someone had to address the immediate tantrum and fat tears that ensued!

Seven more full days in New York City for the year

Posted on by
Reply

Chris and I did some grocery shopping today, but on the light side, since we have only seven more full days at home before leaving for the rest of the year. When I came back with more vegetables and also another pack of gai lan from Chinatown at the end of the day, he looked at me like I was crazy.

“Did you over buy vegetables? I think we have too much,” Chris said to me skeptically. “We’re leaving next Monday!”

I looked at him and smiled. I told him that we will definitely get through all of this, especially since we have no plans to eat out the next week, plus Kaia is not in afterschool care this week, so she’ll be having a full dinner at home each night. Plus, I do not waste vegetables; if needed, it will go cooked into the freezer. But more likely, it will mean bigger servings of vegetables for everyone, which doesn’t hurt anyone. Plus frankly, whenever I serve our meals, I always put way more vegetables on everyone’s plate than Chris does.

It’s always crazy to think that after our Thanksgiving trip in Europe that about a week later we leave for Australia. But it also makes life more adventurous, exciting, and less boring. And of course, Kaia is looking forward to seeing her Suma and Topa again very soon, and being on a plane once again!