Happy 3rd birthday to my precious little miracle baby

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To my sweet baby Kaia Pookie, aka Pookster, aka Hoji, aka xiao bao,

Happy 3rd birthday, my precious little. It’s crazy to think that exactly three years ago, I thought my uterus and vagina were going to explode when I was in labor with you. But somehow I didn’t die and made it through with flying colors, and out came sweet, affectionate, thoughtful, curious, cheeky, flavor-loving YOU.

Every day you surprise me with what you learn and absorb in this world: your massively increasing vocabulary and syntax in both English and Chinese, your thoughtfulness, your adventure seeking ways, and your love of travel in all forms, whether it’s on the bus, subway, high-speed train, or airplanes; your crazy good memory that remembers faces and names of those you’d seen ages ago, as well as who is whose mummy and who is whose partner.

My sweet Kaia Pookie — I have loved and appreciated far more about life and love since you literally plopped out of my body and into my world. It sounds ridiculous to say this, especially given how many women get pregnant and how many babies are born every single day, but sometimes, I truly feel astounded that I was lucky enough to get pregnant, carry, and birth you. There are so many people in the world who would love to be mummies and daddies and do not get the privilege or pleasure; infertility/sub-fertility are on the rise globally, and not a day goes by when I do not remember that or hear a related story that is affecting a friend or colleague, or someone else tangentially related to someone in my circle. Daddy and I were lucky on our IVF journey. Not everyone else is so lucky who embarks on that tumultuous road. That’s why every day, I know exactly how lucky I am to call you my baby, and for you to call me your mumma.

Motherhood is all at once the most infuriating (oh, your tantrums and strong AF opinions!) and most incredible thing I’ve ever done. But I thank you for giving me the privilege and opportunity to be your mumma – mumma to the cuddliest little globe-trotting tiny human I’ve ever known. I love you to the ends of this earth, my sweet baby. You will always be my baby no matter what — even when you are 5, 15, 50, and 100. As I tell you in Chinese every night before bed; Every day, mama will take care of you, protect you, and love you — always.

Flight cancellations, flight re-bookings, and a class downgrade

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When you’re taking a long-haul flight from halfway across the world, one of the very last text notifications you want to read is that one of your flights has been cancelled. We flew on AA from JFK to LAX on Sunday, then had a long layover at LAX to get on our Qantas flight, originally from LAX to Melbourne. But due to a delayed incoming plane, our flight from LAX to MEL got cancelled. We got rebooked onto the next best option, which was to fly from LAX to Sydney, but obviously that would require a third leg (which I HATE) from SYD to MEL. I detest that flight for a few reasons: 1) it clearly prolongs the trip even more, which is especially annoying with a young child in tow, 2) it requires us to collect our checked luggage in Sydney since that’s our first point of entry into the country, then re-check the bag to Melbourne, 3) this also means leaving the secured area and going through security yet again, and 4) in Sydney, you actually have to take a bus connection from the international terminal to the domestic terminal, which is quite a trek. So if you have a tight connection, you could easily miss it.

So, we ended up taking a flight to Sydney, knowing we had to take a third flight to Melbourne. But we encountered even more issues we were alerted to once we got into the Sydney airspace: our flight had two sick passengers aboard, and upon landing, some medical professionals had to come on board to inspect them in case the passengers had any communicable diseases that would require quarantine. The original flight we were scheduled to be on from SYD to MEL already had a tight connection time of just 90 minutes, and so as soon as we landed, we got a notification that we had been rebooked onto a slightly later flight to Melbourne… and got booted out of business class and into economy due to all the seats being sold out in business class. Of course, Chris was not happy with this, so he immediately got in touch with the agents working at the front desk of the Qantas lounge and tried to change it. But since business class was sold out, we just had seats moved further forward in economy class.

While it was annoying to have a third leg to Melbourne and also get downgraded to economy class when we originally booked business all the way, it wasn’t that terrible in the end. Chris had booked all three of our flights on points, so when he contacted Qantas on what could be done refund-wise given the flight downgrade, they had a calculator on how to refund us… which ended up being the equivalent of almost an entire business class ticket from LAX to MEL. That’s pretty darn good!

The ease of movement across multiple airline lounges by a little near-3-year-old

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I had never entered an airline lounge until circa 2011-2012 (so around ages 25-26), when I earned the lowest status on United Airlines (or Star Alliance, their airline network) and was given a handful of complimentary lounge passes, and when I started traveling with Chris, who had access to the Qantas lounges. When I first entered the United lounges in the U.S., I thought to myself, meh. I don’t think I am missing much. Sure, there I got access to free Wi-Fi and some mediocre snacks, as well as some slightly more comfortable chairs and couches for lounging, but it didn’t seem like that much of an upgrade. Plus, with American carriers, it didn’t matter what level of status you had with the airline because you still had to pay extra for lounge access, which is usually somewhere in the ballpark of $400-500/year. it seemed like a steep premium to pay for mediocre “benefits” like crappy pretzels.

Kaia has had access to airline lounges since her very first flight when she was just eight months old. Since then, she’s been in airline lounges literally around the world — in the U.S., Australia, Europe, Asia, and the Middle East. She doesn’t even know what life is like to not have access to an airline lounge. Today during our long layover at LAX to head to Melbourne, we moved between the Qantas First lounge and the Qantas Business lounge, which is considered more casual and more child friendly. The only reason we did this was that Kaia threw a loud, sobbing tantrum when I told her she couldn’t just steal everything off counters and throw objects everywhere. People always talk about the “terrible 2s,” but only current parents of littles talk about how much more terrifying the 3s period is… because that’s when young children have developed stronger opinions and preferences, as well as a larger vocabulary to voice said opinions. And well, Kaia is no different. In the last few weeks, she’s probably had some of the worst and loudest tantrums of her life to to date. As I was forcing her into her stroller to whisk her off to the business lounge while Chris had his shower, one of the Qantas lounge employees lightly suggested that she might want to play in the kids’ play area of the business lounge. I told them we were already on our way there, so off we went.

And typical Kaia: you tell her that a designated area is where she should be (as in, the kids’ play area), and she immediately does the opposite and wants to get the hell out and be free with all the adults, ASAP. Oddly enough, the business lounge had no kids other than Kaia today. So everywhere we went, she was the only little person wandering around and trying to overtake the place.

I don’t know how old Kaia will be when she realizes what a luxurious lifestyle she’s had, basically since birth. I wonder what it will be like when she’s slightly older and more verbal, and she tells her classmates about all these experiences and how foreign they will sound to her little peers. I can only hope she will be humble and not seem snobbish or conceited about it, and ultimately recognize how lucky and privileged she is.

Kaia finally poops at school

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Since she started showing signs of shame around pooping earlier this year, Kaia has not pooped at school. Back then, she was still in diapers, but she would still wait until she got home to poop. Then we went through potty training in August. She mastered peeing in the potty right away, but poop was a struggle initially. After several weeks of hiccups, she finally started getting comfortable with “letting go.” She pooped easily in her small potty at home. But it took some coaxing for her to poop in hotels. She would never poop at school. Every time we asked, the teachers always said she’d only pee in the potty at school. We kept hoping, though. Chris even said that when she finally pooped at school (in the potty, NOT in her pants!), he’d get her a pair of shoes with lights, which she’d been asking for since she started at this school in September.

Then came the last day of school for Kaia this year on December 6. At pickup, I got a quick debrief of her day from the admin. And before we left, she stopped me and said, “Oh, wait! I almost forgot! Something amazing happened today, Mommy! KAIA POOPED IN THE POTTY!”

She reported to me that Kaia had simply told them she wanted to go to the potty. She hopped on top of the toilet, took her little dump, and then declared she was “All done!” And the teacher was shocked to see she had pooped.

My baby is most definitely growing up. Her bowel movements are getting more comfortable everywhere, including school! She doesn’t just poop at home and at fancy hotels anymore!

An autumn take on a beloved “pick me up”: pumpkin tiramisu!

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I have a very long list of all-time favorite desserts. But high on that list, if not on the top of that list, is tiramisu. In Italian, tiramisu translates to “pick me up,” which is exactly what this dessert delivers. It’s light and fluffy because of the soaked ladyfingers, usually in a mixture of strong coffee/espresso and a liqueur, traditionally marsala, but oftentimes substituted with dark rum, coffee liqueur like kahlua, or amaretto. And it’s creamy because of the whipped dreamy mixture of mascarpone, cream, sugar, flavorings like vanilla, and airy egg yolks.

I’ve oftentimes been inspired to make different versions of tiramisu given how easily the format of it lends to different flavors. I’ve seen delicious, tempting versions, ranging from blended mango, matcha, hojicha, and even ube. But the issue is usually, when you make a tiramisu, it makes a HUGE portion, usually in a 9×13″ pan. So when I knew that one of my best friends and her mom would be coming over for dinner on Thursday, I figured this was my last opportunity this year to make a dessert at home, so I make a pumpkin version I found that was recently published on Serious Eats. Kaia and I spent some time on Wednesday night making it by whipping the mascarpone mixture, dipping the ladyfingers (pre bought) into the coffee / dark rum mixture, and then layering the soaked lady fingers with the mascarpone. We let it soak and meld almost 24 hours before serving it. And I’ll be honest and say: this no-bake effort was very worth it. The ladyfingers were perfectly soaked and soft. And the mascarpone mixture with it was like little soft pillows of sweetness in the mouth, with hints of autumn spices throughout. This recipe was definitely a keeper.

Kaia unfortunately did not appreciate the tiramisu when she had a lick. Instead, she tried to pick off all the chocolate shavings I topped the tiramisu with. But hey, that just meant more dessert for the adults, and more frozen tiramisu from when we’re back from Australia and Asia in the new year!

The sketch Wall Street pool where Kaia had a makeup swim class

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We were able to get a free swim class from Kaia’s swim school since they were doing a limited time promotion: if families upload an Instagram reel or TikTok video praising the school and our experience with them, then we can get a free class redeemable by the end of December. So on Monday of this week, after I picked Kaia up from school, we took the subway down to Wall Street to the makeup swim class location at a pool I’d never been to. The pool was located at Wall Street Bath and Spa. The directions to get there seemed a bit weird: Look for the Spa 88 sign between a sandwich shop and a dry cleaners. I saw the school sign and walked down a dark staircase with Kaia. We poked our heads into the place and asked if this was where the swim class was. They confirmed we were correct. We then walked down another flight of stairs, through a steamy sea of half naked old men, sipping away at their cocktails and beer and reading newspapers and books. I had to walk through this strange area just to get to the women’s locker room. But once I got there, I discovered it was actually a very fancy spa-like locker room, complete with complex hair styling accessories and even a whole shelf of pool-side sandals that I could borrow while on the pool deck. I was pretty happy about this since I had forgotten my flip-flops.

I thought to myself, what the heck kind of sketchy place is this? It’s supposed to be a Russian bathhouse, but given that about 99 percent of the clientele were all 50s+ old white men who were barely clothed, I wasn’t totally sure this was a child-friendly place. I spoke with the instructors of the class, and they said that they didn’t even feel comfortable walking through the place, so they set up a tent on the pool deck to allow their students to change into their swimwear inside. This whole time, they didn’t even know the locker rooms existed and that you just had to walk through the sea of half naked men! I had to show them that day!

The journey and experience were worth it, though. Kaia basically had a 1:1 private swim lesson given how few kids there were versus the number of teachers. This whole visit to the bath house just made me realize exactly how hidden and discreet a lot of these secrets spots are all over New York City, and that “if you know, you know,” and if you don’t know… well, you may find out given these strange and unexpected opportunities.

Kaia’s birthday party day did not go as expected

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If there is something to always be aware of when it comes to young children, it’s to know that things will rarely go as expected, and your child is unlikely to feel how you think they will feel about literally almost anything.

Kaia excitedly wore her winter princess dress that my friend got her last year for her birthday party day at school today. We also had her wear her new light-up shoes that Chris got her, which she was extremely happy about. I delivered the pre-ordered mixed fresh fruit cake to her school before the party time, and also got her a rose gold (really, it’s pink) “3” balloon for the party. The teachers were charged with passing out goodie bags to her and her 19 other classmates.

Well, Kaia unexpectedly took a nap right before the party and woke up very groggy and annoyed. She hasn’t napped at school in weeks, so it was a bit funny she decided to nap today. Then, when it was party time, the admin let me know that she was still very groggy and tired. Kaia also seemed overwhelmed by all the birthday attention and was sort of recoiling. “I just want to warn you, Mommy, that she’s not very happy looking in the photos,” the admin told me at pickup time.

And how annoying for me was that this cake that I chose for her ended up completely going uneaten by her. She didn’t seem to like it and just took one bite of it, declaring she was all done. All her classmates went nuts over the cake; there was literally nothing leftover even for the teachers (which was crazy because this was a large cake!!). I’m sad I wasn’t even able to try it out myself.

At least Kaia was completely enamored by her 3 balloon. She kept hugging it and holding it the entire ride back to the Upper East Side. I took her to the doctor’s office for a COVID booster, went to Trader Joe’s with her proudly holding her balloon, then ran an errand at Duane Reade before heading home. When we finally got home, she had a tantrum that lasted over 20 minutes because she didn’t want to take off her light-up shoes. I knew this would happen. I eventually coaxed her out of the shoes. We spent some time making pumpkin tiramisu for dessert tomorrow when my friend and her mom come over, and she enjoyed time with her goodie bag contents, especially her stickers and bubbles. I presented her second pair of light-up shoes I got her from an Amazon Black Friday deal, and she insisted she go to sleep with them.

Toddlers and their tantrums and big feelings. I honestly feel like her tantrums have gotten worse in the last few weeks. Maybe the “terrible 2s” really aren’t so terrible, and that what we should really be more concerned about are the “terrifying 3s” when kids have developed even stronger opinions, larger vocabularies, and likely even larger “big feelings.” I try to take it in stride, but wow. Sometimes, these moments really, really do test my patience.

Kaia’s 3rd birthday party planning

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Since Kaia has started at her new school in Manhattan Chinatown, there have already been a number of birthdays that have been celebrated across the 2s, 3s (her class), and the 4K class. Cake, fun snacks, and goodie bags have been provided by the families, and so we thought Kaia would like it if we also did this for her early birthday celebration for her classmates, as they are essentially her day-to-day friends. She clearly loves birthdays and parties, and she has been saying she wants her own birthday event endlessly. Chris organized all the goodie bags for the three classes, and I am taking care of ordering her birthday cake (a mixed fresh fruit sponge cake from Manna House Bakery, one of my favorite spots, in Chinatown) and birthday balloon and delivering them to the school.

Kaia knows she’s having a little birthday party at school. She’s been talking nonstop about her birthday party, her birthday cake, and her presents. As one of her many gifts, Chris got her the most requested present she’s had since September: shoes with lights on them. Chris told her she would get shoes with lights — *if* she only pooped in the potty. And Pookster certainly listened. She’s had zero poop accidents since as far as I can remember now. Chris unveiled the shoes to her tonight, and she went nuts: she immediately wanted to put them on and constantly stomped her feet on the floor to get the lights to twinkle. She even wanted to take them to bed with her along with one of the goodie bags!

It makes me so happy to watch her face light up when she sees things that excite her, like shoes with lights, or a cake she knows is just for her. Her excitement is pure, unadulterated, and unambiguous. Unfortunately, the school wouldn’t let us be there for her little birthday party, so I asked them to share the photos directly with us so we’d have the original files. I’m sure we will have more birthday festivities for her once we’re in Melbourne, but I know she will enjoy all the attention and the party centered around her with her classmates.

Kaia always wants both parents with her at all times

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People often ask us if Kaia prefers one of us over the other. I think for the longest time, she preferred Chris for comforting and holding, but occasionally in the last year, she has shown a preference for me. I think it’s very much situational: if one of us is not giving her what she wants, she will prefer the other and say she doesn’t like the other parent. That’s typical and expected toddler behavior, so I try not to let it get to me when she says things like “I don’t like mummy” or “I don’t want mummy.”

Tonight, I went out to meet a friend visiting from out of town for dinner. Before I even said anything, she knew I was getting ready to go out. She got feisty and said she didn’t want mummy to leave, that she wanted mummy to stay. I explained to her that mummy’s friend is in town and wants to have dinner, so I will just be out for few hours and come back. She had a melt town in the doorway and said she didn’t want me to leave and go out with friends. She kept demanding, “I want a hug! I want a kiss! I want a hug! I want a kiss!” over and over again. I kept relenting until Chris looked at me and said I needed to just go, otherwise this would go on until I would be late. By the time I got to the elevator, I could still hear her crying and yelling for me. She had just done a big poop in her little potty, and after most poops even now, she still wants her “reward” of a sticker. So she asked for a sticker from Chris, who gave one to her. She usually likes to proudly show me her new sticker after he gives it to her, but I wasn’t there this time. So instead, she “showed” it to me by bringing the sticker over to the front door and holding it out to “show” mummy.

Chris shared this story with me when I got back. I couldn’t help but “Awwwwww!” at how cute and sweet it was. That’s my sweet baby Kaia Pookie.

Packing fragile and perishable items in a checked bag and the anxiety that comes with it

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When traveling, Chris and I rarely check bags when we can prevent it. There’s always anxiety around a checked bag getting delayed (or LOST), especially in a post-pandemic era where it seems like every week, we hear stories about bags getting lost and never found…or turning up in some random city weeks or months later. There are some guaranteed exceptions, though, such as when we go back and forth to Australia, as well as a few times when we’ve traveled with Kaia as a baby (all that baby stuff really accumulates!), and also, certain countries where I love “things” — France, Japan, and Korea. The idea of visiting a place like France and not checking a bag with goodies to bring home seems like such a waste. You went all that way to a glorious, delicious country, and you’re not planning to bring ANY of that deliciousness home with you?!

This time, amongst a large stash of discount French pharmacy items for myself as a gifts, we’ve also purchased and packed tea, chocolate, caramels, pates de fruits, and perhaps the most nerve racking item: French butter, specifically Maison Bordier butter (formerly known as Le Beurre Bordier). La Bon Marche actually does sous vide/vacuum sealing now for just one euro per bag (you can fit about 6-7 Maison Bordier blocks into it), so that eased my worry around the butter getting back to the U.S. fine and without going bad. In addition, some of the French pharmacy items are packaged in glass, so I had to wrap them up with all my clothes in my packing pods to alleviate my worry about them breaking. In the back of my mind, I always have this tiny worry that things I pack in a checked bag will break, even if I know logically that I’ve done my due diligence to cushion it well. I always remember the story of one of my friends coming back from Italy with several amazing wine bottles to open her luggage and discover the bottles had broken, and all her clothes were stained with red wine.

Well, knock on wood: to this date, I’ve never broken anything in a checked luggage. So hopefully my good luck continues and I’ll be able to breathe a sigh of relief after we fully unpack when we get back home later today.