“What dish would you make to impress me?”

I was at dinner last night with my team. I’ve always been cognizant that on pretty much every team I’ve ever been on at any company, I’m usually one of the rare people of color. On my team now, the people who bring “color” to the team are a Mexican American, a Persian-French Canadian, and myself. One of my colleagues, who had had a bit to drink, brought up that he remembered I’m really into food and like to cook. So he asked me this:

“If you could make one dish from your culture that you think would impress me, what would it be?” He paused and took another swig. “You know how if someone were Spanish, they’d say that they’d make me a paella or if they were Italian, they’d make me handmade pasta. What would the Chinese or Vietnamese equivalent be?”

This was a very strange question for me. I don’t think it’s necessarily a wrong or an offensive question. But the reason this question is strange is that in order to “impress” someone, there needs to be a basis of understanding of what that individual likes (and doesn’t like). Are there foods the person doesn’t eat or has allergies to? For Cantonese food, I’d consider a ginger scallion lobster or crab to be an impressive dish, but that clearly would not impress someone who had a shellfish allergy. Do they prefer meat or carbs or what? If I don’t know what you like or how picky of an eater you are, I’d really have no idea where to start thinking of ideas of what dish I’d make to “impress” you. The only real context with this person I have is that he’s a White male who lives in Texas, he eats a lot of fast food/junk food, and he’s addicted to Coke. What do I propose then — Chinese-style lightly battered fried chicken or Vietnamese cha gio (deep fried spring rolls stuffed with shrimp, mushroom, and pork, wrapped in thin rice paper)? I’m not sure.

I said I’d need to think about it, but I’d need more context. The conversation moved on. But it still just felt weird. It felt like I was being outed as “other,” and being put on the spot for it, and it didn’t feel that great. It was kind of a reminder to me that in Corporate America, I’ll always be a little different, and as such, I’ll never quite “blend in” fully.

Las Vegas: inconsistent hospitality, awful tap water, and endless glitz

I checked into my hotel for our annual sales and success kickoff quite early this morning — at around 11am. I was a little annoyed given that the front desk service was below subpar; she looked like she couldn’t care less about her job and barely made any eye contact with me. The woman said that they’d text me when my room was ready given it was so early. (I later told Chris this story. Given I was clearly complaining, he responded, “Sounds like a boomer.”) Maybe, but when you choose to work in hospitality, you should be… hospitable?!).

At around 3pm, I found out that a number of my colleagues had arrived and had already been given their room cards. Annoyed, I went back to the front desk and told a different front desk person what I was originally promised. He apologized profusely, then told me that while my booked room type wasn’t available, he’d upgrade me to a large top floor king room overlooking The Strip. This room was immediately available, so I could go to my room right away. I went up to my room and was pretty impressed: it was, indeed, a very large room with a huge bathroom, ample space throughout, and large floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking The Strip. I guess that situation ended up working out in my favor.

In between arriving and checking into my room, I was happy to see that a Famous Foods Street Eats Market, modeled after the Singaporean hawker food centers, had opened right here in Resorts World. The thought of having Hainanese chicken rice or laksa sounded quite tempting, so I made my way over there. Unfortunately, half of all the stalls were closed today through Thursday for Lunar New Year, so only a few desirable stalls remained open. I chose a claypot rice stall, which was fine, but it was a bit too greasy for my liking. At least they did do a decent job with the crispy rice bits.

While filling my water bottle with filtered tap water, I was abruptly reminded how terrible the tap water is here in Vegas. Even when I had hot tea (without milk), I could even taste how terrible and strange the water was through the tea flavor. Since then, I’ve decided to block out the awful water taste in tea by using black teas with milk only.

Las Vegas is a popular tourist destination year round, but around Lunar New Year, lots of Asian families love to come here to celebrate. And Vegas does do a good job getting decked out for the Lunar New Year: you can see endless Lunar New Year decorations everywhere here, with red lanterns, peach blossoms, and ornamental snakes given it’s the Year of the Snake. What’s also crazy is the type of gifts that are on display for purchase: you can buy extremely fancy, painstakingly handmade and decorated Lunar New Year butter and chocolate cookies for $88 (of course, it’s a lucky number with lots of 8s…), or even a solid gold snake statue for thousands of dollars and bring it home to grace your entry way!

Packing for Las Vegas – the dress I almost forgot about

This morning, I packed my bag for a four-day work trip to Las Vegas this week. My company’s annual kickoff is being held there this year. This Thursday, we have a party where we’re expected to dress up. While a lot of my female colleagues obsessed over Slack about what dress or outfit they’d buy, I opted out of the conversation immediately. I had no desire to go shopping or buy any new glitzy outfit that I’d wear once and then shove in the back of my closet, never to be worn or seen again. After all the spending on gifts around Christmas time, plus the money spent on travel, I really did not want to buy more disposable clothing for myself.

So instead, I went to the back of my closet to find dresses I haven’t worn in years, as in… since 2015-2016, way before Kaia was born. I found one navy-blue, backless Kookai dress that I loved and decided to try it on to see if it still fit. Yes, it definitely still fits. And if I remember correctly, I think I actually have more back definition this time than I did back in 2015 when I last remember wearing this thing! I felt a little self satisfied as I rolled it and packed it into my packing pod.

I might be older now, and I might be a mom, but I can still wear fitted, body hugging clothing. I’m happy I dragged this thing out.

When comprehension increases, so do the questions

I’ve been trying to make a more concerted effort to speak in Chinese as much as possible to Kaia. Even when I don’t always have the words, sometimes I’ll mix the English into the Chinese just to ensure she is hearing some Chinese. This morning, I explained to her in Chinese that from Tuesday to Friday of this week, I’d be going on a work trip to Las Vegas. I’ll be getting back late on Friday, so she likely won’t see me until Saturday morning. I told her she had to be very good, listen to Daddy, and listen to her teachers. I also told her to eat well while I was gone. She did her contemplative look and didn’t say much for a few seconds, likely taking in everything that I said.

“But I don’t want Mummy to go to work,” Kaia insisted, pulling on my arm. “I want Mummy to stay here with me.”

I told her that I had to go for work, but that I’ll miss her and will come back as soon as work is done.

“I don’t want Mummy to go,” she said again. “You’re going on an airplane? I want to come!”

I said she couldn’t come on this trip because this is a work trip, and Kaia doesn’t work.

“Mummy goes to work, so Kaia can go to work, too! Can I come to work with you?” Kaia said, giggling with glee.

It’s usually like this where I speak in Chinese: she responds back in English, showing she understood what I said. Sometimes, she will say a few phrases in response in Chinese. Other times, she will mix the English and Chinese. Either way, I know she knows what I am saying even when she responds back in English.

Then Kaia hugged me, and declared confidently, “Mama yao hui lai (Mumma will come back)!”

Kids’ sicknesses – the unpredictable predictable

Since Kaia’s bestie left her school last spring, she has definitely remembered him. We’ve seen him a few times since he’s left and moved to New Jersey. We’ve kept in touch with his parents, who have also been proactive about reaching out to us for potential play dates and get-togethers. They are probably the most proactive parents we’ve met when it comes to saying they will keep in touch — and actually doing it, unlike so many other parents of Kaia’s friends we’ve met. It’s nice to not always be the one reaching out all the time, so I appreciate this about Kaia’s bestie’s parents. They reached out several weeks ago to let us know they’d be in the city for a morning event, and checked in with us to see if we’d be free for a midday/afternoon catch-up. So given how cold it is outside, we invited them over for brunch and play date. We told Kaia about this ahead of time so she’d have something to look forward to this weekend. I already planned out my little menu and picked up some fun Lunar New Year treats to introduce them to. I even prepped ingredients to make no-sugar added, high fiber chocolate walnut date balls for the kids to enjoy. I also packed up a small bag of clothes Kaia had outgrown for her bestie’s little sister, who turned one this month.

Unfortunately early this morning, they reached out to let us know that their son woke up throwing up and was very ill, so we’d have to take a rain check on our play date/lunch. We were all disappointed, and Kaia was very, very sad. Though it was interesting to see how she reacted to it this time. She’s at this interesting crossroads in her baby-to-toddler development where she actually understands what it means when someone gets sick, and how that impacts her (as in, because her friend is not feeling well, she’s unable to see him). Much to our relief, she did not throw a tantrum, yell, or cry. Instead, she just looked at us, seemingly concerned, and kept repeating, “Jacob is not feeling well, so he can’t come over.” We then recorded her saying, “Feel better, Jacob!” and sent the video to his parents to show Jacob.

With little kids, you can have all the plans up the yin yang, but then all those plans can get thrown out the window once they come down with a fever, wake up throwing up, or break out into some mysterious coughing fit or rash. Instead, we made the most of the day and went to downtown Brooklyn for our annual visit to DeKalb Food Market. Kaia ended up having an extremely long nap of over 2.5 hours unexpectedly, but again, with kids, you can never always count on your plans working!

How Chris is like Romesh Ranganathan

Last night, we went out with some friends for a quick dinner and for an evening of comedy at the Town Hall to see Romesh Ranganathan perform. Romesh is a British actor/comedian of Sri Lankan descent. Chris originally found out about him years ago, and we watched his docu-series Just Another Immigrant, showing his journey and temporary move to LA to do stand-up comedy and “make it” in the U.S. — all while dragging his wife and kids with him.

Since Kaia was born, we haven’t gone out very much for live shows, but the majority that we have seen have been live comedy. This was the first time we got to see Romesh live, and there were moments when I laughed so hard that I was crying and wiping my eyes. I love his deadpan, self-deprecating humor, and I especially loved it when he talked about his little foibles with his wife. The two areas where I completely saw commonality between his perspective and Chris’s were around 1) making new friends, and socializing with new people, and 2) his attitude around having holidays/vacations with other couples/families.

Regarding making new friends, whether that’s friends organically or through Kaia’s friends’ parents, Chris has always been hesitant about the idea. He usually will say things like, “Well, you can make friends with them and let me know how they are,” or, “You can go to future birthday parties (with Kaia) and enjoy.” So in other words, he doesn’t want to commit to new people easily. He is always wary of anyone new, unless they are the spouse/partner of someone from “his” side.

Chris detests the idea of going on any trip with anyone else, minus his parents for max 3-4 days. Any time I have shared any story of a joint family big trip or couples/multiple families going on a holiday together, he grumbles and groans, insisting that it sounds like hell. He has said that the only way he’d ever agree to a trip with another couple is if he had full authority to decide literally every single thing that was done. So in other words, he’d need to be the trip dictator. Romesh shared, during his live performance last night, that during a drunken night out with other couple friends when he was not present, his wife had agreed to go on a holiday with another couple and their family to Portugal for ten days. It took a while for her to spit this out because she knew how angry he’d be about it. He said during the show, “I would have much preferred that she had shagged them!”

This sounded exactly like Chris. I felt so seen knowing that another person’s partner was exactly this way.

Lunar New Year Performance at school

Next Wednesday, 29 January, marks the beginning of the Lunar New Year, the year of the wood snake. If you are in any Chinatown, Little Saigon, or related East Asia “town,” it will be pretty obvious this is a special time of year for these cultures when you see all the red lanterns, red envelopes, and Lunar New Year decorations all over walls and hanging everywhere. Given that Kaia’s school will be closed next Wednesday and Thursday, they held their Lunar New Year kids’ performance and lunch party at school today. The kids have been preparing for the performance since the new (Gregorian) year began. Parents and caregivers were invited for the performance as well as lunch (which we either were expected to bring food for, or donate $20 for). I booked my nearby co-working space to attend easily today and do early pickup.

They had the performances by class, so first the Pre-K (4s) class, then Kaia’s class, 3K, and finally, the 2s class. As cute as it was with most of the kids wearing red or traditional Chinese clothes, it was pretty even that across all three classes, only half (at best) of the kids were actually getting into the dance. The others either stood there, picked their noses, or covered their faces. At least they had fun music to listen to and got to see all of our smiling faces.

As for how Kaia did, she wanted to run to me immediately when she saw me, but the teacher motioned for her to go to her spot on the performance floor. When she did, she did a little dancing and twirling for the first half, then decided that she wanted to cover her eyes and face for the second half. I wasn’t sure if her left eye was actually irritated, or if she was just rebelling and didn’t want to participate anymore. Her bestie stood there the whole time, mugging at all of us in the audience, then started picking her nose.

Well, at least my kid wasn’t the one who just picked her nose up on stage, glaring at us.

Travel insurance with credit card – the debacle comes to a conclusion

It’s been almost two months since I was at the Mount Sinai West emergency room, on the day I was actually supposed to leave for our Thanksgiving European trip. Chris had to cancel and rebook train tickets. He also had to cancel hotel reservations, make new ones, and also change our outbound flight to Paris. It wasn’t fun for him, and just the flight change itself was extremely costly. But he realized that the credit card we used to book the original flight had travel insurance on it for trip cancellation/interruption, so I took photos of all my ER and Urgent Care forms and sent them in for consideration for our itinerary change costs due to my sudden illness.

You would think that given I was not only in the emergency room, but I also had extremely detailed documentation, that this would have been a smooth process that would have gotten approved relatively swiftly. Unfortunately, it was anything but. First, the contact details to file the travel insurance claim were not clear, likely by design. It’s not on Mastercard’s website. You have to call Mastercard, then get re-routed to a specific agent, who can then share the secret website you have to login to in order to submit all your claim details and proof forms. Then once you submit all of that, you wait. And wait. And then, for the first 8-10 days, I got no feedback. I simply saw “pending” as the status of my claim every time I logged into the portal. When I finally got in contact with the claims agent (a third party works for Mastercard to handle travel insurance), she grilled me about the time we left the apartment, when we would have needed to leave for the airport, what time I was admitted into Urgent Care and then ER, when I started having symptoms, etc. It felt extremely unempathetic, like she was simply looking for reasons to deny my claim. Chris copied and pasted literal paragraphs from their travel insurance policy stating why this was, in fact, applicable. I was shocked: wasn’t it clear that this was a very serious case, especially given all the details in the Urgent Care and ER forms? All of the forms had time stamps on them, so I wasn’t even sure why she was further grilling me. Did she even read any of the forms I submitted at all??

The claim was initially denied, as they originally said that my trip wasn’t cancelled, that we still went, so there was “nothing to claim” or get reimbursed for. I had to call them nearly every business day we were away in Australia, have at least 6-8 email back and forth communications with them, endless voice messages playing phone tag, and then finally a very annoying and painful phone call in the middle of the night, Australia time, to explain to them: what the hell else did they need to understand that I was genuinely sick, that I was in the ER for something that could have easily resulted in pneumonia or death, and that as a result of all that chaos, my outbound flight needed to be changed…?! It was clear that the claims agent barely read any of the documentation I sent. She may not have even opened them as far as I was concerned. I had to literally open each document, one by one, and point out to her where the time stamps or remarks around my illness were (e.g. “On the ER form, page 1, in the bottom left hand corner. do you see the time stamp that says ‘3:49pm’?”). It felt like I was instructing a small child instead of an adult. She finally realized after having her hand held by me that yes, this was a legitimate claim, and yes, it should be reimbursed. She reopened the claim for me as a “claim determination dispute,” then told me that at this point, the only reason it would be denied is if the manager thought I had some “pre-existing condition” back when the flight was booked. The flight was booked in July. You cannot have a pre-existing condition for a peritonsillar abscess; that’s just medically impossible and could easily be disproven. Plus, no one would have an abscess in their throat from July all the way to November!

I finally got an email notification last week that the claim dispute was accepted. I got my requested payment back today. While it was closure (and some much needed money back), it made me angry to think about how insurance works in this country. Insurance feels like it exists simply to exist and get money out of you. Then when you actually do need to use it, the insurance companies will do everything in their power to withhold money from you or even make you pay.

Not everyone would be as persistent as I was to get my money back. I made sure to call and email almost every day for over a month. Most people just let these things go. I’m sure they count on that happening. But no, I’m not getting screwed by all these stupid insurance companies as long as I can help it.

“Are you an old lady?!” The candle tunneling saga takes a turn.

One of the things I looked forward to upon our return home this month was my nightly winter ritual of lighting a scented candle and reading for about an hour before bedtime. I hate the cold weather, and I strongly dislike short days, but I do enjoy cozying up in bed to a good book with the heat on, my covers over me, and a flickering and beautifully fragrant candle to soothe my senses.

Unfortunately, all of that sensual, soothing “me time” came to a halt one night last week when I realized that my semi new Voluspa Saijo Persimmon candle was starting to tunnel. How was this possible? Candle tunneling is the candle lover’s worst nightmare. I did all the right things: I made sure there was no draft in the room. I burned it for a minimum amount of time to allow the wax to melt evenly. I had the wick trimmed to the right length. What the heck was I doing wrong? So I immediately did a search on my phone to see what the culprit could be.

Unfortunately, it seems that candles do not like cold temperatures, either. A high quality scented candle prefers an ambient room temperature of somewhere between 65-75 F. What this means is: if a candle is lit while sitting in a temperature far below that (and yes, the thermostat in our rooms say that without the heat on, it’s somewhere between 40-50 F; we don’t keep the heat on in rooms we’re not using!), the candle fails to generate enough heat to melt the wax evenly. The heat then primarily melts the wax closest to the wick, leaving the edges of the candle solid and not burning properly. This uneven burning results in tunneling.

So what was I supposed to do, then, to prevent this from happening again — was I expected to turn the heat on in the room where I wanted to burn the candle and “prepare” the candle for lighting? That seemed so ridiculous. I get it when you want to turn the heat on in a room that you are preparing to enter, or for your spouse or even your dog or cat. But now I have to turn the heat on to prep the room.. for my CANDLE?

I was complaining about this to Chris earlier this week, and he gave me this bewildered look. “What are you, an old lady?” he exclaimed. “You’re researching causes for candle tunneling prevention?!”

He just doesn’t get it. When you have a fancy (read: expensive) and much loved candle which creates just the right room ambiance for you for your nightly bedtime reading ritual, you have to take care of it. You can’t just expect it to fix itself. I didn’t appreciate fancy candles ten years ago. But now, I wholly embrace them and everything they represent. Do I acknowledge this is a #firstworldproblem? Of course. But I have to take care of all my belongings!

End of sanity as we know it

Today marks the inauguration of Dipshit once again — a second term in one of the world’s stupidest countries. This was the result I feared most of 2023 and 2024. I was just hoping that my cynical side about the US would be proven wrong. Unfortunately, it was proven right.

As usual, I have nothing new to say about how I feel about the state of politics in this country, or the direction that this country is going in. All I can say is that I’ve turned off all news notifications since the day of the November 2024 election, other than BBC, and I will keep them turned off until at least 2028. I feel like my blood pressure will be better for it, as well as my mental health. The few news updates I’ve already seen today, such as Dipshit withdrawing the U.S. out of the WHO, really do feel like they are updates from The Onion. But well, we have reached the end of sanity, so what else is new now?

It feels only fitting, and a bit spooky, that the great activist, Cecile Richards, who was president of Planned Parenthood for 12 years, died today, after a two-year battle with brain cancer. She was only 67. It was really hard to see the news of her passing and to simultaneously know the beginning of doom was starting in this country today. While most of the U.S. sees Planned Parenthood as a place where abortions take place, many women, including myself, have used Planned Parenthood simply for accessible women’s healthcare.

I still remember back in 2008, when I first moved to New York City, and before ZocDoc existed, I was struggling to find a gynecologist. I was experiencing really long menstrual cycles that had no explanation. Every time I tried looking up a provider and calling, I’d get told that I needed to wait at least 2-3 months for an appointment. It seemed completely senseless that a simple appointment lasting less than 15 minutes could take 60-90 days just to get scheduled. So I called Planned Parenthood in West Village and was able to get an appointment for the following week. A doctor saw me, and while she wasn’t able to pinpoint the cause of my long menstrual cycles, she was able to help give me advice, medication, and also advise me to track my cycles (which, sadly, NO one had ever suggested or taught me to do before). Eventually, I did find an OB-GYN I trusted who was able to identify the cause of my abnormal menstrual cycles. And I finally felt seen and understood.

It’s sad that in a country where so much money is spent on healthcare that our outcomes are worse, that care is barely even “care.” And it’s sad that what Cecile Richards stood for is pretty much being broken down every single day in this country. And I have a feeling it will only get worse in the next four years.