Category Archives: Toddler moments

NYC 3K school offer and next steps

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Last month, the offers and wait lists were released for 3K and 4K (preschool) in New York City. Given that 3K is a total lottery and children are not guaranteed a spot anywhere, I wasn’t sure if we’d get anything. But my hunch, based on enrollment at the 3K Chinese immersion school we toured, was that Kaia would likely get a spot at one of this school’s two locations in Chinatown. And in the end, she did: she got an offer at the location closer to the subway stop. This is the location we never toured, so we came here today to see what the space looked like and to meet with the director. Of course, given it’s Chinatown, it’s in an old building. You either go up a small elevator or take some narrow, slightly windy stairs up to the second level to where the school is located. The space looked fine — it wasn’t anything to impress given the old building. But there seemed like there was ample space, plus a large separate room for activities like “gym,” yoga, and play when the weather was not great out. I do like that they prepare all meals onsite and that we would no longer have to pack lunch or snacks anymore unless we wanted to. The meals are a mix of Western and Asian food, so Kaia would occasionally get her Asian greens fix made by someone who wasn’t me. They follow the Department of Education curriculum, and there’s always two teachers in the class at least, one who teaches in English and a second who delivers the same messaging in Mandarin Chinese. In the afterschool program that runs after 2:50pm until 6pm, they also do tracing of Chinese characters and writing — this would have an out of pocket cost.

When we got the offer, I knew we were lucky to have any offer. That’s the attitude of most parents whose children get a 3K spot. That’s why so many parents have commuted from Brooklyn into Manhattan and back for their kids who got into this school. I corresponded with a couple of them over Facebook message, and I get what they mean. Is a double commute going to be harder than taking a 4-block walk to our current daycare/school? Yes — a lot, lot harder. It’s going to take a LOT more time for all of us. Sometimes, I’m sure the subway will be cramped and annoying. It will really, really suck on rainy and snowy days, just as the other parents commuting from Brooklyn told me. We’ll also have to get a monthly Metro card again, which I haven’t done in about eight years. But I think we can do it for at least one school year and see how it goes.

I also thought about the pros: Kaia will have exposure to Mandarin (and better Mandarin…) from people outside of just me — The more exposure, the better, so that the language can stick to her more. She will have the opportunity to speak in Chinese with classmates and other teachers. She’ll see what it’s like to do a subway commute daily. And I’ll always have access to all my beloved Asian greens, baos, and ingredients every single day and won’t even get a chance to “miss” them. Who knows – maybe some Fridays, we’ll even all do dinner down in Chinatown or somewhere else on the Lower East Side. It’ll be a new routine for all three of us.

Swim school for littles in Manhattan

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After hearing about her bestie at school who started swim lessons just a block away from us back in February, we signed Kaia up for swim classes with the same program for each Sunday morning. I convinced Chris that he should be the one to take her every Sunday. I figured — he’s not working full-time anymore, and I really need Sunday morning for food prep and cooking for the week, so this arrangement just made sense. The swim class itself is only 30 minutes long, but once you factor in walking there, getting ready, getting in and out of the pool, and drying/washing off, the overall process is probably over an hour.

The funny thing that Chris noticed when we signed her up is that even though Kaia was just over two years old when she started swim lessons, most of the kids in level 1, or “tadpole” level, were much, much younger than her. The swim cap for level 1 didn’t even fit her, so she was given the level 2 swim cap since her head was so big. It made me laugh because it made me remember when I was age… SIXTEEN, taking swim lessons at Sava Pool in the Sunset district of San Francisco each morning during the summer after my sophomore year, and being the oldest person by at least 11-12 years in my swim classes. It was completely mortifying. I befriended two of the swim instructors, and one of them became a (temporary) good friend of mine. With Kaia initially being the “old” person in her swim level, it made me realize how involved parents of this generation are and how everyone seems to want their kids to do activities as young and as early as possible. In addition, I still remember how cheap my swim lessons were: each class (so each weekday morning) cost $1.00; it cost only $0.50 to access the pool. So each week, I spent a whopping $7.50 out of pocket on swim lessons for myself. I can assure you that Kaia’s swim lessons are not ANYWHERE as cheap as mine were back then.

Since Chris will be in Australia for his cousin’s wedding the next two weekends, it will be my responsibility to take her to swim class (and go in the water with her, until she reaches Level 3, when the caregiver no longer needs to accompany the child). So I went with them today to the class to see what the process was like to check in, go into the locker room, and get to the pool. Honestly, I do not think having me there observing was helpful: Kaia was very distracted and kept waving at me to get my attention (as though I wasn’t already looking at her…). Chris said the teacher assigned to her was not great. But I was happy I came to observe because it made me so proud to see Kaia pretty comfortable both in the water and with the instructor. There were moments when I was so happy to see her splashing around (even if just playing) that I almost teared up. That’s my little Pookie growing up.

We may not have had all the things we wanted as children, but I do think it’s our job to create a better childhood and life for our kids than we had. I hope Kaia becomes the confident swimmer I never became.

Kaia can bite

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A couple months ago, we had an incident report given to us that said that a child in Kaia’s classroom bit her on her back. It resulted in a large red mark that was in the middle of her back. I didn’t think much of it because after the initial bite, she didn’t seem to have much fuss about it. That evening when I gave her a bath, she told me someone bit her, but she didn’t have any pain when I washed her back, so I let it go since toddlers will be toddlers. But then, I didn’t realize that my own child would actually bite!

Last Thursday, Chris went to some food stalls in San Salvador to get lunch, so Kaia and I were sitting at a booth on our own waiting for him. When I tried to put her bib on her, she refused and said she didn’t want to eat. I told her that she needed to eat, and to eat she needed to wear her bib. I forced the bib on her, and she yelled in protest. Then, she shot me the most devilish look before reaching down to my thigh and taking a big, painful bite. I yelped in reaction and told her, “No biting!” She glared at me and kept whining.

That evening when I had a shower, I realized that she’d actually pierced through my skin and I bled a little. A small scab had formed. So, this is what toddlerhood and raising a toddler can entail, eh?

Our toddler’s keen observations about her mummy’s body

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I hope I never forget Kaia’s precious early years. I suppose that’s partly why I write about seemingly mundane and everyday moments with her here. Even in times when she is extremely disagreeable and having her worst tantrums, I realize that I still find extreme joy in having her in my life. She has given me a different view of the world, which is the view through a young child’s eyes. We are all children only once, and so it is a sweet reminder of innocence to have young children in your life who happily and eagerly share all their observations with you. They truly live in the moment, whereas we as adults don’t; instead, we constantly obsess over the future, whether that future is the next hour, next day, or next month or year.

While in San Salvador, we did not have a bathtub in our room, so I had to do showers with her to bathe her. While in the shower together, we’re obviously both naked. Kaia is generally not a fan of the shower, and so it took a while to get her comfortable. Once she stopped whining, she got excited and started pointing her fingers towards both of my breasts.

“Those are mummy’s watermelon!” she exclaimed with glee.

Hmmm. I barely have A-cup breasts, even after 14 months of breastfeeding. She has an interesting perception of what size “watermelons” are.

Then, Kaia proceeded to point at my anus while I was rinsing my leg off of soap. “That’s where mummy poops!”

She is, as Chris’s dad says, “a real delight.”

A couple weeks ago when I was on my period, she accompanied me into the bathroom while I peed, which is one of her favorite things to do lately (which I’m hoping means she will be ready for potty training soon…). She peered into my underwear and noticed my pad, which had some blood on it. She then looked up at me and smiled.

“Mummy have diaper,” Kaia said. “Diaper have poop.”

I told her that it wasn’t a diaper, that it was actually a pad. “Mummy have pad,” Kaia murmured. “Mummy have diaper pad.”

It’s so damn cute. I just want to grab her and squeeze her sometimes… and just sniff her again and again.

Tin Marin Children’s Museum in San Salvador

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On our last morning in El Salvador, we went to Tin Marin Children’s Museum, which is reputed to be one of the best children’s museums… possibly in the world. It is incredibly extensive, with both large indoor and outdoor areas. The indoor area has numerous sections and rooms devoted to learning and development, from construction (building), supermarket shopping (of course, my baby’s favorite), restaurant cooking and dining (of course, play pupusas were represented even with their fresh tomato salsa and curtido accompaniments, so we’re very in touch with local flavors, plus a pizzeria, an ice cream/sorbet cart, a dairy shop, and a dried grains/beans vendor), an education area about your mouth and dental hygiene, volcano and earthquake education; a real car for kids to paint (so messy but fun!), to even a full fledged mini theater with dress up for slightly older kids and a puppet show. No detail was overlooked in the creation of each of these sections; I was truly blown away by the thoughtfulness of the tiniest features throughout. The outdoor area was also incredible, with a real fire truck from the 1930s area (shipped from Canada, one of the attendants told me), part of a real ship, as well as a real part of an actual airplane. You could even smell the airplane interior — there was no mistaking that old airplane scent. The museum outdoor area also had a butterfly conservatory where many tropical and colorful butterflies were fluttering about.

I thought about this experience and how comprehensive it was in comparison with the experiences I know to be true of the Manhattan Children’s Museum on the Upper West Side. The entry fee has gone up since last year and is $16.75 for children (over the age of 1!!) and adults. It doesn’t even have half of what Tin Marin offers. The supermarket area itself is depressing next to the massive, comprehensive one we experienced here. Tin Marin’s little supermarket even had “salmon” fillets made of rubber, as well as an entire dairy section and medication/formula area. Here, the admission fee was a mere $3.50 for endless exhibits and hands-on fun.

In general, I left El Salvador marveling over how child-friendly and inviting it was. Entre Nubes, the coffee farm/cafe we went to yesterday, also had a huge children’s play area with a massive, colorful play house with a play structure attached to it with slides and all. The library from our first full day was made for young children. In New York, or really, the U.S., children aren’t really included or considered when people build general public spaces. That’s why museums like the Children’s Museum on the Upper West Side cost so much. Why should a child, age 1, be charged $16.75 to enter a children’s play museum…?! That just sounds like price gouging at its worst!

Traveling to El Salvador in 2024 – safety speculation

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I’ll be honest: before Chris booked this trip, I knew very little about El Salvador. I knew the name of its capital city (San Salvador), I knew it was located in Central America, and I knew its national (and most famous) dish is pupusas (well, of course, because my world revolves around food). I also knew it was known for its coffee and beaches, but that’s pretty much it in a quick summary.

Historically, crime in El Salvador has been high due to various gangs, many multinational, that reigned over the country. But since just before 2019, it appears that crime has actually been going down. The new president Niyab Bukele instituted a zero-tolerance crack down on gangs, which led to the highest incarceration rate in the world, with an estimated 1.6% of the country’s total population supposedly imprisoned. In addition to that, Bukele has been working with business people from outside of the country to encourage them to invest in El Salvador to help grow tourism, with more hotel infrastructure. Bukele is aiming to position El Salvador as the top tourism spot in all of Latin America. He obviously has large groups of supporters and detractors, but at the end of the day, he’s attempting to make the country safer for both its citizens as well as international travelers such as ourselves.

It should come as no surprise that the U.S. State Department has labeled El Salvador with a Level 3 Warning: Reconsider Travel, due to gang-related activity and the country’s homicide rate. So given this, a number of friends have given us funny looks when we said we were going here for an extended Memorial Day weekend. One of my friends asked if El Salvador would be safe for us, especially with Pookster in tow. The response was a bit reminiscent of what I remember people saying to us back in May 2019 when we went to Colombia — we got questions about safety and violence, and I had friends checking in with us while we were there to ensure we were safe. I remember our time in Colombia with great gusto and love: the food really surprised and impressed me; I left the country feeling like Colombia truly doesn’t get enough recognition for its delicious food, as it’s constantly overshadowed by more popular (with Western crowds, at least) cuisines like Peruvian or Argentinian. I loved how hospitable people were everywhere we went in Colombia. The tropical fruit was especially astounding and memorable given its unique proximity to the Amazon. And never once did I feel like we were actually unsafe… except for the couple of times when our Uber drivers freaked out on our behalf and told us not to get out of the car yet, especially in Medellin. And now, fast forward five years later, and it seems like every other time I hear about a bachelor/bachelorette party weekend or a guys’ trip (usually amongst my white male sales colleagues), it seems to be in Bogota, Medellin, or Cartegena. That’s when you know for sure that a place has become mainstream amongst my fellow Americans.

So I wasn’t sure what to expect for this trip. It was a bit challenging to plan what we were going to do given so few travel bloggers have written about the country as a whole. So I made a rough list of places to see, including the Tin Marin Children’s Museum, which from the photos, looked like it could be one of the most extensive children’s museums in the world; I added a few food places that I could find in English and decided we’d just wing whatever other meals based on how things looked or what neighborhood we’d be in. And Chris decided that we’d rent a car for ease of getting around.

Once we arrived in the afternoon after two quick flights (about 2.5 hours to Miami, and another 2-ish hours to San Salvador), we went out for some lunch. We tried to have our first lunch at restaurant that overlooked the city from high up, but to our dismay, a thick blanket of fog wrapped over us, and we couldn’t see a single thing from our open-air restaurant. So we decided to focus on the food: we ordered a few pupusas: black beans with cheese, cheese with loroco (a local green flower herb that’s very popular here), chicharron con queso (chicharron, in this part of the world, does not actually refer to crispy pork skin as it does in Mexico, but rather just ground pork), plus an order of empanadas. I was surprised when the empanadas came because I was expecting something different: in El Salvador, the default empanadas are actually sweet, with the outside being made of fried sweet plantains and the inside usually filled with a sweet cheese, custard, and occasionally fried black beans. It was still tasty, and we learned something new in the process. Lastly, we also had freshly blended papaya juice (I LOVE papaya when not in the continental U.S.!!) and local horchata, which is different than Mexican horchata (usually rice and cinnamon based). Salvadoran horchata has morro seeds, which are said to have an earthy flavor. In addition, the drink also contains cocoa beans, sesame seeds, peanuts, cinnamon, nutmeg, and sugar; the mix is steeped either with milk or with water to create a thick, frothy, refreshing drink. We loved our drinks and marveled over how large the servings were.

Pookster had a lot of fun en route to San Salvador. While exiting the plane in Miami during our layover, she kept waving back to the plane as we were on the ramp and saying over and over, “Bye bye, airplane! Bye bye!” She certainly brought amusement to other passengers with this. She sang and babbled happily during our car rides around the city. Though, she unfortunately did not care for the pupusas or the empanadas.

On the road on our first day, Chris took the wrong route, and he yelled, “Fucking hell!” loudly a few times as we were getting re-routed by Google Maps. Kaia took audible pleasure in every time Chris yelled or shouted, and she repeated him and also added, “Fucking hell! Fucking nuts!” While the first part can clearly be noted as a parroting of what Chris previously had said, it was obvious that the second part… was something that she had clearly heard said by someone else before. And that someone else was definitely not me…

My baby is definitely becoming a tiny human with distinct quirks, opinions, and sayings, all over the world.

When we parked the car for the night in the hotel parking lot, just to be safe, we decided to completely empty the car of everything other than the car seat. This really meant we were taking the stroller in and out, even when we didn’t need it. Because my other thought was: okay, if we have something of ours stolen, it is what it is… but if we get my friend’s stroller stolen, that means we’ll need to explain that and also get it replaced, which would suck. In these cases, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Shared stories on the playground: when your child helps with another child’s daycare transition

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A few weekends ago, Chris’s parents and I were at the nearby playground while Kaia was playing. One of Kaia’s old classmates, who was doing temporary backup care a few days a week in her class, showed up with her mom, who I used to have some small talk with during pickups. Her daughter ended up going to another full-time daycare a few blocks away, so we hadn’t seen them since late last year. We chatted while our kids were getting reacquainted with each other and she shared a story that I had no idea about.

Her daughter was transitioning from being at home full-time with their nanny into being at daycare full-time, so her parents wanted to ease her into daycare at three days a week. Her adjustment was really rough: she said that for the first several months, drop-off was constantly torturous, and she and her husband seriously reconsidered whether daycare was a fit for their daughter at this stage in her development. But she did notice that when she’d pick her up and take her home, her daughter kept mentioning Kaia’s name, always while happy and smiling. She didn’t know who Kaia was, but she figured from the live video footage that Kaia must be the classmate that her daughter was always playing with. She shared that Kaia was always leading the way for her daughter, helping and guiding her, and she was the biggest reason that her daughter would be willing to go to school every morning. Every time she’d say Kaia’s name, her daughter’s face would light up and she’d get excited. She’d coax her with, “Remember? Kaia will be at school with you. If you don’t go to school, then you won’t see Kaia.” And this would motivate her to stop crying, get ready, and willingly go out the door each morning to school.

I was so happy to run into them and hear this story. If we hadn’t bumped into each other in the playground, I would never have known this to be true. But it warmed my heart to know that my own sweet baby was making life easier for others to adjust to new environments. I hope my child can be a little leader, one who sets good examples… and hopefully is not the bully.

Clothing preference in toddlers – “Look at my new dress” that I hated five minutes ago

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Over a year ago, when my friend told me that her then 2-year-old was expressing strong preferences about clothes she wore to daycare, I was really confused. As a child, I remember I didn’t express clothing preferences to my mom until I was seven years old. So age two seemed very premature to me.

With Kaia in the last few months, she’s definitely expressed affinity to certain pieces of clothing over others. Most of the time, she’s pretty indifferent, but when she has an opinion, she really really has that opinion. For instance, she loves this little knit/crochet cardigan that Chris’s cousin handmade for her. She loves all vests and pull-over dresses. And she especially loves all her dresses; the bigger the fluff and tulle, the better. She’s been gifted at least seven or eight different tutu dresses, so she certainly has no shortage of tulle. She doesn’t seem to understand why she cannot wear the same dress, pants, or shorts multiple days in a row. The concept of being “dirty” has not quite developed in her head just yet.

The funny thing is, sometimes, you just have to put your foot down and make her wear something. There is no way I’m letting her just wear the 10 percent of things she has in her closet that she loves. So, I make her wear certain things despite her tantrums and crying. She needs to wear all of these nice clothes that she’s so privileged to have… before she outgrows all of them. I do NOT like or tolerate waste. And somehow, just somehow, after I manage to get the new dress or sweater on her, she ends up loving it. I put on a new dress for her on Friday, which she refused and said she didn’t want — always a struggle the first time. She even tolerated the matching headband (a total shock since she hasn’t worn a headband in over a year!) and didn’t rip it off. And when she emerged from her bedroom with it, Kaia twirled around in her new blue, yellow, and white dress, and said to Suma, “Look at my new dress! I like it.”

Welp, that’s Pookster the Punkster for you.

The Pa’akai We Bring at Clark Theater – the good, the bad, and the ugly with a toddler

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This late morning, after her swim class, Kaia was whisked off to the Clark Studio Theater at the Lincoln Center for her second-ever theater performance, The Pa’akai We Bring. Since she enjoyed her first theater performance just over a year ago that was very immersive and catered towards babies and young toddlers, I thought she’d enjoy another theater performance targeted at littles. Unfortunately, as soon as we entered the theater and I saw the regular tiered seating of chairs, I knew it was going to be hell. Because this theater performance definitely had a target audience of slightly older kids, probably elementary school age-plus, as opposed to babies and toddlers in Kaia’s age range. The description on the Lincoln Center site did not specify that, unfortunately. What 2-year-old child was going to sit still for an entire 60-minute theater performance? As soon as we walked in and I saw on the floor in front of the stage, Kaia immediately ran up onto the stage area and started jumping up and down. An assistant had to gently let me know that we weren’t allowed on the “stage” area. We were also supposed to meet my friends with their 1.5-plus-year-old, plus Kaia’s bestie who had recently moved to New Jersey and her mom.

My friends’ kid was quiet and sat almost the whole time. Kaia… did not. She sat quietly and watched whenever all the guitars and ukeleles came out, plus when the four performers sang in chorus. Other than that, she kept crying and yelling that she didn’t want to sit down, wanted to go home, and wanted to see her friend Jacob (who was sitting further back in the seating area). I had to take her out of the theater twice to get her to calm down and not ruin the performance for the others. At least she wasn’t the only kid crying or screaming; a number of parents were coming in and out to calm their own babies and toddlers. Needless to say, this was a bit hellish for me and I was waiting for the performance to be over. I’m sad to say that because the performers were very good — they sang well, and I liked the story line about introducing the cultural importance of salt in Hawaii. Kaia just couldn’t deal with the speaking scenes. Now, if only they had just played their string instruments the entire time and sang for 60 minutes straight, then maybe my rambunctious toddler would have sat still and watched…

You try to expose your child to culture and the arts at a young age, and this is how they repay you… with tantrums, as well as “Don’t ‘shhh’ me!” when you “shhh” them during the show…

Suma and Topa, coming then going

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It’s been a fun several weeks with Suma and Topa visiting. Kaia has loved having extra affectionate family close by every day, especially being able to have extra people to hug, kiss, pick her up, and play hide-and-seek with. Though she is surely becoming a little person with her distinct desires and opinions, she has loved having all the extra attention of her paternal grandparents. She has back and forth conversations with them and shows them things she can do that will “impress” them. I love watching Kaia shriek with delight and giggle endlessly when she successfully finds Topa during their repeat games of hide-and-seek. We’ve also found new cognitive abilities of Kaia during this visit, such as the fact that she’s actually able to understand when we ask her to fake an emotion, whether it’s laughing or crying. Then, she wants each of us to fake cry and asks us, one by one, to cry. It’s the cutest and most hilarious thing. Before these moments over the last couple of days, I wasn’t even sure her brain at this stage had developed enough to understand that, but clearly it has.

In addition to enjoying watching them all interact, it’s also been fun to spend time with Chris’s parents. I always tell my friends and anyone who will listen how lucky and fortunate I am to have a good relationship with my in-laws. They always appreciate the littlest things I do and are always thanking me and expressing gratitude. It’s taken a lot of adjusting to be used to it and accept it, but I do appreciate that they appreciate me.

Here’s something small and funny that happened in the last day: I was organizing some things in our bedroom (they sleep in our bed when they visit, and we sleep on the sofa bed in our living room), and I noticed that the tissue box was empty. So, I promptly replaced it with a new one from our closet. When they returned home for the day, Chris’s dad noticed it had been replaced, and he came up to me and thanked me for replacing the tissue box. I laughed and said that was silly — no need to thank me; I just wish he had told me it was empty sooner so that I could’ve replaced it earlier, as I had no idea it was all done. He said it really wasn’t a big deal; since he had been under the weather, he had just been collecting extra napkins from restaurants they’d been to and been using those!! It was completely ridiculous: replacing the tissue box or toilet paper is just a normal, household maintenance thing to do, guests or no guests. And it would be particularly embarrassing for me, as a host, to not replace tissue boxes for guests and instead expect them to use externally sourced tissues! His dad had expressed worry that he didn’t want to “deplete our supplies,” but I said that was completely crazy; these things were bought to be used!

But that’s what I mean when I say that Chris’s parents are always so appreciative and thankful, even for the smallest (and seemingly most ridiculous) things. They are truly good humans, always trying to do the right thing. It’s refreshing to be around; Chris and his brother have no idea how good they have it. They are leaving us for the next legs of their trip, heading to Malaga, Spain, then Verona, Italy, before heading back home to Melbourne. So we had to explain to Kaia before her nap that Suma and Topa were leaving, and she’d see them in a few months. She kind of/sort of understood they were leaving, as she kept insisting on hugs from them. But then, when she woke up from her nap, she acted as though nothing had happened or changed.

I’m always sad when they leave, especially now that Kaia is here. Because I know that a lot of time will pass before they are all able to enjoy each other again. But I suppose distance can make the heart grow fonder.