CBS News New York Livestream covering the AFSP Out of the Darkness Manhattan walk this Sunday

After the live segment the AFSP Manhattan walk co-chair and I did on Saturday, we were informed yesterday that they’d like us to come back for the CBS News New York live stream. It was a bit chaotic in the last 24 hours because the date and time of recording kept changing; we weren’t sure if it was going to be filmed today or Friday. Plus, the volunteer manager and I (the ones who were asked this time) both have day jobs obviously, so we had to coordinate our work schedules on top of the changing filming schedule.

I arrived at the CBS Studio at 9:45 this morning and waited for our volunteer manager to arrive. When he did, we noticed that they had just sent the interview questions about thirty minutes before. And when we finally started recording at 10:15, I realized that the questions were not exactly what was shared. I was a bit thrown off and stumbled a little bit during one of my answers, but eventually picked myself up and kept speaking. I kept thinking to myself after: how funny it is that during the live segment, I spoke fairly well, yet during the pre-recorded taped segment, I stumbled! That was so annoying to me. We were reassured that because this was being taped and not airing live, we didn’t need to worry about any stumbles, that they would cut/edit it so we all looked and sounded good.

When we finished our segment, the director stopped filming. Cindy Hsu, the news anchor who interviewed us, is also on the board of AFSP, and she was really great to work with. She was warm and friendly as soon as we got on the stage. We made some small talk before and after about AFSP and our families. She took photos with us and also did a cute little social media video for each of us on her phone.

CBS News would also be present at the walk on Sunday, likely interviewing AFSP volunteers and participants every hour starting at 9am, and our executive director asked that I also speak with them there. I figure that will be a lot more ad hoc and casual since it will be at the event, and so I don’t have any pressure to look or feel polished. All in all, both TV experiences this week were completely unexpected a month ago, and it was a fun way to mix up my usual week to week routine. Now, I can always look back on this and say that I was on live and pre-recorded TV!

Unexpected customer news today

Some colleagues and I had a scheduled call this morning with a customer we hadn’t heard from in months. We had tried reaching out countless times to get a meeting on the calendar with them since April, to no avail. Finally, they agreed to this meeting today, so we spent a lot of time thinking about what we’d add to the agenda. Then, when our executive contact came on, she slowly spoke and revealed that they’d unlikely be renewing our contract when we reached the end date in the spring because they had not seen much a return on any of their e-learning providers and needed to rethink their strategy for internal upskilling. And in the same breath, she revealed that she had stage 4 cancer and would not be around for much longer. She would try to make all our scheduled meetings and respond to our messages, but if she did not, she reassured us that she was not ignoring us; she was simply prioritizing her health, or… she just wasn’t around anymore. She also said she’d try to remember putting up an out-of-office auto reply.

I wasn’t even sure what to say. All of us froze on the call, and the customer kept talking business. So that’s the direction the call went. But it just such sad, unexpected news. I didn’t even know she had any health problems. Plus, for her to talk about not renewing the contract and having stage 4 cancer in almost the same sentence was just completely baffling to me. Plus, the fact that she was reassuring us that she wasn’t ignoring us in the midst of everything she’s going through personally… I was just rendered speechless.

Life is short. None of us knows what is going to happen next. Death is just waiting to take all of us away.

When Kaia saw her mama on TV

Yesterday when I left to get to the CBS studio in time for our live segment on AFSP, Kaia was just finishing up her Saturday morning gymnastics class. So Chris took her home and of course, he got the antenna set up with the TV to see if they could watch me on CBS New York live. Kaia got quite the surprise when she saw her mama on TV. Chris got a few videos and photos of Kaia watching me on the live segment. She kept pointing and poking at me when I was on the screen. Her fingers followed where I went. And she kept saying over and over, “Hi, Mummy! Hi, Mummy!” when she’d see me on the TV.

I know Kaia doesn’t know what her mama does for work or for volunteering quite yet; she’s still a bit young. But I do hope that she looks back at these photos and videos one day and is proud of what her mama did to honor her jiujiu’s life. When Chris’s photos and videos had synced in Google Photos of my being on TV and Kaia watching and touching me on the screen, my heart melted to see how excited my sweet baby was to see her mummy on the live TV. It was so heart warming for me. In some ways, it almost made me more proud to see her reaction than to see myself on the TV!

Having a child is a lot of work. Having a toddler is beyond tough with endless ups and downs. But these “ups” make it all so, so worth it, and they are what I live for.

CBS New York Live – AFSP NYC Walk

At 9:55 sharp, I checked into CBS’s studio just 3.5 blocks away. And at 10:25am, we filmed for five minutes – no cuts, all live. And this was how it turned out. It was a good thing the AFSP ED asked me to prepare a “why” statement a few days in advance because that statement ended up being what I mentally referenced when I was on the stage speaking.

After checking in at the front desk of CBS News, an assistant escorted us up an elevator and through a maze of long, seemingly endless wide hallways with exposed wires of endless colors. It really felt like those “behind the scenes” shots where you see performers go down long hallways before getting on stage. After what seemed like ages, we finally got to a “waiting room” where there was a lit up sign that said “ON AIR.” Signs everywhere said to keep our voices down. The producer came out to briefly introduce himself, told us that the hosts would ask us these several questions (never shared with us ahead of time, but hey, this is live TV!), and then asked which of us would answer what question. He said everything was already behind schedule, apologized for his brevity and the fact that everything felt rushed, and then got each of our lapel mics set up on us. He tested the mics and made sure they looked good on us without having wiring exposed oddly (my dress was particularly annoying, for some reason…), and then said he’d be back in about two minutes to get us.

Just minutes later, we were escorted onto the stage, where we met Doug and Jenna, the news hosts. They warmly greeted us, and we ran through how to pronounce our names, confirmed our AFSP titles/positions, who was going to answer which questions, and then clarified which camera (of the FIVE) there were to look at, or who to look at when. Our co-chair Scott answered questions about who and what AFSP is, I answered questions about why I joined AFSP and why I continue to support and fundraise for it, as well as how to get involved. It all went by so fast that before we knew it, Jenna and Scott were already in the out-tro view, where they were discussing how to seek help if you need it. Once the director yelled “CUT!”, they thanked us for coming on and commended us for being so vulnerable in sharing our stories and wanting to help others. For news casters, I really felt both of them seemed genuine, warm, and kind, which wasn’t really how I imagined anyone regularly on TV being with regular everyday people like us.

The entire experience was so frantic, fast-paced, and tight, with pretty much zero notice of anything that was about to happen. I know I would never do well in TV production, much less live TV production. But even though it went by so quickly, it was a pretty fun and interesting experience to see how live news is filmed at a major broadcasting station like CBS. I felt really honored and privileged to have this experience as a Walk committee member, volunteer, and fundraiser; it’s not like I have a real leadership role at the NYC Chapter for AFSP, so I realize it was a rare opportunity for me to represent them and share my personal story; they definitely instilled their trust in me in this way. It felt really good to be open about losing Ed in a very open and public way, and the conversation we had live, though very brief, felt very conversational and natural, the way I’d have it if someone were to ask me about my involvement with AFSP or how Ed passed. Even though he’s no longer physically here, he still lives on through me and all that I do. And I will never stop sharing his story and how much I love and care for him, even long, long after his death. I don’t want Ed to have died in vain. I want his life and story to live on.

“It’s really amazing that you both do this,” Jenna said, as she walked us off the stage. “I hope this doesn’t sound trite, but I think your brother and your friends (Scott’s friends he lost to suicide) are looking down on you and feel so proud of the work you are doing and how you are choosing to honor their lives.”

I do hope that is true. I really hope so.

AFSP featured on CBS News Live – preparation

About a month ago, the executive director of AFSP NYC asked if I’d be interested in representing AFSP in the media, so I agreed to it. She said it would include things like TV, newspaper, and magazine interviews. Given that the Manhattan walk is just over a week away, we’re trying to get the word out about the walk more, and we were able to get a segment on CBS News Live because Cindy Hsu from CBS is on AFSP’s board. Two of our co-chairs were not available for the recording timing, so our director asked the third co-chair plus me to represent. I’ve never had any experience being on TV, much less live TV, but I figured it would be a good experience. I’d learn something and get exposed to a world I know pretty much nothing about. In preparation for the media coverage bit, our ED asked me to prepare a “Why I walk and participate in AFSP” statement. She said it would be particularly powerful coming from me because I have now been fundraising for AFSP for 12 years now. So, with some thinking and assistance from ChatGPT to tighten my messaging, I came up with this:

My name is Yvonne Wong, and I’m proud to serve on the AFSP Out of the Darkness Manhattan Walk Committee as a volunteer and fundraiser. This year marks my 12th Out of the Darkness NYC Walk to fight suicide and save lives. Each year, I walk in honor of my big brother Ed, who I lost to suicide in July 2013 after a long struggle with depression and anxiety.

Living 3,000 miles away in New York while Ed was in San Francisco, I often felt helpless and unsure where to turn for support. When he went missing and was suddenly gone, I was overwhelmed by guilt, anger, and grief. I couldn’t understand why he had to die, or why our community hadn’t taken his suffering seriously. In searching for answers, I found AFSP, one of the few organizations that openly addresses suicide—not just mental health in vague terms—and creates spaces for honest conversations, connection, and healing. 

Since then, I’ve shared Ed’s story openly, year after year, through fundraising and community events. What started as a small gesture to honor his memory has grown into something that has felt transformative for me. People—friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers—have reached out to share their own experiences of loss and struggle; many of them confided in me and said I was the very first person they’d opened up to about their losses and struggles. Through AFSP, I found a community of understanding, hope, and connection. I can’t bring my brother back, but I can help ensure that others know they are not alone. AFSP has given me a way to heal and to help build a world where fewer families experience this kind of loss.

“Focus on what we can control and influence”

Participating in the workforce and working for someone else is probably one of the most frustrating, infuriating, and annoying roller coasters a person can ever experience. And a lot of the time, I wonder if it’s all even really worth it. My dad always told me that the best thing you can do is to work for yourself because then, you don’t have to answer to anyone else. While it can be liberating to not have to answer to anyone, that also comes with immense pressure and responsibility that not all of us can handle… and not all of us frankly have the skill and ability to do. When he used to say this, especially after I became an adult, graduated from college, and entered the workforce, I always thought, but never said out loud to him, that I actually admired that he was skilled enough to make this leap for himself… because I don’t think I was ever brave (or creative or skilled) enough to do this for myself.

I was supposed to have a relatively relaxing day at the coworking space today. I originally had two meetings on my calendar and blocked off some time to work on some slides. And then suddenly, I got some bad news that came crashing down, and it was all hands on deck trying to figure out how to remedy a customer situation. I could not even believe how frustrated and angry I got, and I was even more pissed that this had to happen on a Friday at midday. A few colleagues and I were ranting about it, and everyone kept on repeating the same thing to try to ground ourselves: “focus on what we can control and influence.”

So much of what happens at work, with colleagues, customers, projects, data — is out of our control. We try to create narratives that this deal or opportunity happened because I did x, y, and z, and that person did a, b, and c. But chance and luck are very much in there as invisible drivers. People don’t like to openly acknowledge that, though, because unfortunately, we cannot replicate or quantify chance or luck. So in times like this, I just want to escape and do things that help me mentally escape. Tonight, I ended up double boiling and heat aerating a pot of chai. I added extra ginger because I figured I could use the extra spice. I find the process of making chai very meditative, and I can attribute that to watching many “chai meditation” Instagram Stories that Sunny from The Chai Box records every single morning. I used to watch her chai double boiling and meditation almost every morning when I was on maternity leave, and I always looked forward to it. And now, I still do it when I want a little mini escape.

Work can really suck. But chai meditation always helps.

World Suicide Prevention Day

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. The international theme of World Suicide Prevention Day (WSPD) on 10 September 2025 is ‘Changing the Narrative on Suicide.’ Suicide is a serious global public health issue, with over 700,000 lives lost each year. Its impact extends far beyond the individual, deeply affecting families, communities, and societies at large.This year’s theme calls on people, communities, organizations, and government to foster open, honest conversations about suicide. By initiating these vital conversations, we can break down barriers, raise awareness, and create better cultures of understanding and support.

This is the 12th year that I’ll be participating in the AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk in New York City and fundraising to help stop suicide. It’s also been a painful year for donations. The donations have been slower to come in. When you’ve been doing the same fundraiser tirelessly year after year for over a decade, people get fatigued by hearing your story. They are naturally less enthusiastic to support you. Their time is limited, and with inflation and tariffs, their dollars don’t go as far as they once did. Hustling this fundraiser, for those reasons, is always awkward. But I keep doing this because I don’t know how else to keep Ed’s memory alive. As each year passes, it’s like his memory becomes more and more distant to me. The other night when I was thinking about him, I realized I had to think for much longer just to remember the sound of his voice. And that made me realize he hasn’t visited me in my dreams in ages for me to hear him speak. I wonder when he will come pay me a visit again. It’s been far too long.

These are the days I think of him even more: his birthday, his date of death, Thanksgiving and Christmas (because he always loved those holidays), and now World Suicide Prevention Day. I hope all this fundraising is doing some good, if even just a little. Sometimes, it’s hard to see what I am really trying to achieve by doing all this. But alas, I keep going.

Phone calls from PoPo and GongGong

Since we got back from San Francisco, my mom has been calling occasionally to see how Kaia is adjusting to preschool and being back in New York. Given that Kaia is turning four in just a few months, she’s definitely far more aware of her surroundings and what’s being said around her now than she was one year ago. When people call, she always asks who it is. And now, she’s been requesting that we call PoPo and GongGong. She wants to “see” them via the video chat, but she doesn’t quite understand (or accept) that they refuse to do video calls with us, and that with them, it will always be voice-only.

The other day, my mom called, and Kaia asked if it was PoPo (she could probably recognize her voice through my phone) and asked if she could talk to her. She started waving and saying hi to PoPo. When PoPo asked her if she enjoyed San Francisco, Kaia responded, “Yes.” When PoPo said to Kaia, “Kaia, I love you!” Kaia even responded with, “I love you, too.” Even though I obviously have a complicated relationship with my parents, this still made me feel really happy inside to hear them communicating back and forth like this over the phone. I smiled at Kaia talking to her PoPo and then started laughing when Kaia replied “No!” when PoPo asked if she could come to New York and visit her.

Right after we got off with my mom, out of nowhere, my dad called. My dad hasn’t called me in three years since that difficult email exchange we had in August 2022, when he lashed out at me over something completely innocuous and lost his temper in a big way. He asked if Kaia was there, and then he actually asked to talk to her! I put my dad on speaker phone, and he asked Kaia how school was, if she was going home, and then called her a “good girl.” Kaia kept yelling excitedly, “GongGong! GongGong!” Then, he turned back to me and said it was time to go, and to take care. Then, we said bye and hung up.

I don’t think I will ever have an uncomplicated, 100 percent peaceful relationship with my parents where we fully understand or even accept each other. But after all that’s happened in our life together, I know deep in my soul that they tried the best that they could… even if their best was not always great with Ed or me. I know they love me and want what’s best for me. At the end of the day, I have an infinitely better and more privileged life than they could have ever even imagined for themselves. And a lot of it is because of them and what they’ve given me. And well, even if our relationship continues to be complicated, annoying, and absolutely infuriating, I do want them to have a relationship with Kaia, their only grandchild, and I want Kaia to know them and love them. So, these brief little phone exchanges have had a weird way of almost feeling like bits of healing for me.

I hope Ed is able to see all of this and smile down at us. I only wish he could also interact with Kaia directly in the flesh now.

First day of Pre-K was what I expected: lots of “big feelings”

Thursday was Kaia’s first official day of Pre-K, aka 4K, aka preschool. She’s attending the same school as she did 3K, so same commute down to Chinatown, same building, same set of faces. But this time, she’s in a different classroom with different teachers and maybe a few different students. The enrollment is pretty low right now: we were told there are only six kids in her class, three returning (so she has two familiar faces with her right now). The other three kids are TBD. On the first day of school, it was just the three kids from last year’s 3K class, so a tiny group.

I picked her up at around 5 as I always do. Kaia was pretty quiet. She walked and willingy held my hand, but as per usual, she didn’t really want to talk much. She demanded treats (she got two mandarins). And on the way home, I had this prediction in my head that she’d probably have a difficult evening. And I was exactly right.

Dinner was painful. She whined and whinged through the entire meal. She expressed she didn’t understand why some kids were no longer in her class or school anymore (some had left for other, closer schools; others were moving up to kindergarten at elementary schools). She didn’t know why she wasn’t in her same classroom with the same teachers as last year (different class, higher level up, so different teachers). We tried to explain to her, but to no avail. She cried and was really upset. Her shower wasn’t any better; she cried almost the whole way through it. Drying her off, applying lotion, and blow drying her hair felt like an Olympic feat. I was mentally exhausted by the end of it. Before it was time for Chris to read to her and put her to bed, I just held her for a little bit. My poor, sweet baby: she’s just so confused about all these things all at the same time.

I figured it would take time to adjust to all the changes. This is a lot to handle for her age — so many changes all at once, and so many big feelings for such little people. But that’s what getting older is all about: handling lots of change all the time and figuring out how to manage your emotions all at the same time. People my age and older are still trying to manage all that without losing their crap.

Scallion bun (cong you bao) in San Francisco is better than in New York

Growing up, there are certain Cantonese bakery staples that would be on rotation at home. The most common ones were cha siu bao (Cantonese BBQ pork buns, both the baked and the steamed ones), nai huang bao (egg custard bao), lian rong bao (lotus seed bao) (my grandma’s favorite), occasionally ji wei bao (cocktail / coconut bun), and cong you bao (scallion bun). One of my dad’s absolute favorites was always the twisted scallion bao. There would be an ample sprinkling inside and out of chopped scallions/green onions, plus the bun would be rubbed generously with a lightly seasoned scallion oil. When made correctly, the bao itself was soft, pillowy, and nearly melt in your mouth tender and good. The best ones were like eating air; you had no idea how much you had inhaled until the whole damn twisted bun was gone.

I didn’t realize how good I had it getting Chinese bakery items through my grandma and parents growing up (plus the times when relatives would generously bring over the almost expected pink cardboard boxes of Chinese bakery items) until I moved out on my own – it was all trial and error by my own buying and tasting. When I was going to school in the Boston area, I had to figure out which bakeries were good on my own. The same was the case when I moved to New York. I had to rely on strangers’ reviews on Yelp and Google, plus the occasional word of mouth. Most were hit or miss. To this day, after 21 years of living on the East Coast, and 17 of them spent here in New York City, I can say with sadness that I still have not found a bakery that makes scallion buns as good as the ones I can find in San Francisco.

I was reminded of this when I visited two excellent bakeries in San Francisco this last week. We visited Cherry Blossom Bakery on Clement Street in the Inner Richmond, then Good Mong Kok Bakery, one of my family’s staple SF Chinatown bakeries. Cherry Blossom Bakery has had rave reviews and been on my list a while, but I finally popped in while going to the nearby Kiss of Matcha for my reliable and favorite matcha latte. I chose the scallion bao, which was $2, and whe we brought it home, I realized it was truly perfect. It was exactly as I described above: pillowy and deceptively light, with a rich scallion flavor throughout. It must have been made with an excellent tangzhong, or milk bread base paste. Then a couple days later, we visited Good Mong Kok, which my family has been going to as long as I can remember. They are known for lines out the door and very typical Cantonese (read: yelling/barking and quick) service. I picked up one cha siu bao for Kaia, and one scallion bao for us. The scallion bun was very long and only $2. And it was also super pillowy, almost flaky at the edges, and unbelievably fluffy.

While digging into Good Mong Kok Bakery’s perfect cong you bao, I lamented why I still haven’t found this perfection in New York City across any of the endless Chinese bakeries I’ve visited. Even my most favorite Manhattan Chinatown bakeries don’t come close to this taste or texture. Or worse, they like to add extraneous toppings like sliced hot dog (ugh), Chinese sausage (unnecessary), or other meats. When you have a truly delicious and perfect scallion bun, it needs nothing else other than its perfect dough, scallion oil, and scallions.

Who knows – maybe next year when I come to San Francisco, I may just be desperate enough to buy a bunch in bulk and freeze them to bring back to New York with me…