I was never going to be sure when my period came back, but based on everything I had previously read and what all my mom friends and colleagues warned me about, once my menstrual cycles resumed, my milk supply would drop. I was mentally bracing myself at around the six month mark, since my doctor had told me that around six months would be a “normal” time for my period to come back, assuming actively breastfeeding. My friends told me theirs came back between 8-9 months with active nursing/pumping. Well, lucky me, mine didn’t come back until the 10.5 month mark, so it was later than I guessed. But the decrease in supply was not welcome, and as it started plummeting days before my period, I’d figured that was the sign it was back. Seeing my output numbers decrease day after day and the sharp drop in milk output on my day over day graph hurt. I’d spent the last 10.5 months exclusively pumping. The first 2 months were the greatest struggle. The next four months, I saw my maximum output and was so proud of what I’d achieved after the slow and miserable start. And to see all of that hard work starting to get chipped away with a decrease in output just felt so sad to me. Academically and logically, I knew pumping would be an emotional journey, but I would’ve never imagined at the beginning how much I could tie my self worth as a mother to my milk output. And to see the numbers decrease the way they have in the last two weeks just felt miserable. Even if Kaia is drinking less milk now, it still made me sad. It’s work I did solely to provide sustenance for her and no one else. I saw it as my duty as her mother to do this, to nourish her for as long as I physically could.

One day, I’ll look back on this journey and be grateful and extremely proud of what I’ve done, despite how grueling and miserable at times it was. Even now when it’s “easy” because I have my routine down pat and know what I am doing, it’s still annoying to be tied up to an electric nipple sucker for 4 hours each day. Each day of this journey, I have been grateful for my body. I hope one day, when Kaia is old enough, I can share this with her, and maybe, just maybe she will appreciate all the time I sacrificed, attempting to give her the very best.

I went back to the orthopedic doctor this morning for a second cortisone shot in my left wrist. I let him know that the pain had pretty much subsided in my right since he gave me a shot there about two weeks ago, but it was clicking a lot more in the last few days, plus I’d had a little pain in it depending on the type of movement. He told me clicking was normal at this stage and was a sign of healing, which was good. But he did take a look at both wrists and noted there was still a lot of stiffness, likely from tendon adhesions as a result of lack of full mobility from the pain I’d had. So he suggested I do hand therapy, at least 1-2 sessions, to learn exercises to get my mobility back. I didn’t want to cause any permanent loss of mobility in my tendons in my hands; my hands are pretty damn important and integral to my health.

Recovery is on the horizon, I thought, as I walked home and made call to set up an OT evaluation for my wrists. I can’t believe there’s finally a potential to be pain free in my wrists soon. It feels like forever since my wrists and thumbs felt completely normal and I didn’t even notice them. I suppose that’s how you know you take your good health for granted; you don’t even appreciate your limbs until something like this happens, and everything just feels like it’s going wrong.

The nanny and I brought Kaia to the doctor’s office today thinking that we were just going in to get her second flu vaccine (baby flu vaccines are two doses), but they ended up taking all her vitals and doing a semi-thorough examination of her. I wasn’t expecting that, but it was nice to see her get measured and weighed again. The doctor is very pleased at her growth and proud of how much solids (and the variety of which!) she’s been getting. She was also not surprised at exactly how much Kaia hated being at the office. My baby cried the entire time she was getting measured. Then, when the doctor came in to examine her, she cried the whole time, not even stopping to allow the doctor to take a quick look at her little pupils. It was absolutely tortuous for her.

The funny thing I always notice every time I go to the pediatrician’s office is all the free samples: baby lotion, baby body/hair wash/shampoo, diaper rash cream, booger wipes. It’s always something different each visit. So me being me, I always scope out the new stuff to see if it would be anything interesting we could take with us during our travels given their size. I also leave a few items like rash cream or lotion in Kaia’s diaper bag. This time, there were booger wipes (yes, that’s what they are actually called), which I still haven’t used, as we had some other samples we were given previously. But there was also something completely not baby related: face wash with exfoliating beads in them. It looked like an item you’d get at the doctor’s office if you were a teenager, trying to figure out how to maintain and care for your skin.

Not sure how targeted those free samples were, but I guess free is still free, even if it’s not relevant to the audience. I suppose parents do need to wash their faces after all, so I grabbed two!

One of the greatest things about being pregnant (other than being pregnant, duh) was never having to worry about a period. And in my postpartum state, because I have been actively breastfeeding and pumping, unless I was one of those rare, unlucky mothers, I could count on keeping my period at bay for at least six months according to my OB-GYN, or eight to nine months according to my mom friends. Well, I was able to be period-free for even longer than any of them guessed: I lasted 44.5 weeks, or 10.5 months, before finally getting my period today. Well, I don’t know if it’s an official period, per se, but I guess I will count it as one since it’s the first time I’ve had any menstrual anything since before pre-pregnancy. That means that the last period I ever had was in March 2021 — that was INCREDIBLE!!! That’s 19.5 months being PERIOD FREE! Weeee!

I had a feeling I was ovulating because this and last month, I saw discharge that was egg-white in consistency, which is a sign that ovulation is near and approaching. And my period coming back is also an explanation for why the last few days, my milk supply has decreased quite a bit. I wonder if I will be one of those lucky moms who have a temporary decrease in milk supply at certain points of their cycle, and then it goes right back up!

I woke up this morning and for the very first time, I didn’t feel a need to loosen my right thumb. It actually felt… sort of normal?! It’s been so long since I haven’t had any hand, wrist, or elbow problems, so “normal” seems almost like a foreign feeling or thought to me. Four days after getting my first steroid shot in my right wrist, and I actually feel pretty good. I still feel a little tightness at the tendon area on the wrist with certain movements, but it actually feels like I can do everyday things without any sharp pains or snaps.

As I thought about this today, I really regretted waiting so long to see an orthopedic doctor. I guess I was so anti medical intervention, and the idea of a cortisone shot seemed so invasive. I also just didn’t want to deal with going to a doctor. But I wish I had gotten the referral sooner so I could have been free from pain sooner. I’ve already scheduled a second visit for a shot on my left wrist. As I’ve been overcompensating with my left since I can’t lift with my right this week, it unfortunately feels stiffer on my left side now. The orthopedic doctor I saw told me that between him and the other co-director of the hand and wrist center, they each get 2-3 people (usually postpartum or pregnant moms) every single DAY getting cortisone / steroid shots, so this is a very common condition, and a just as common procedure, and the vast majority of patients get relief that is permanent. With one couple, both the mom and dad had to get the shot in both wrists, and so they alternated weeks so the other could lift the baby!

So I’m hoping just one more shot on my left side will do the trick for me… I hope.

It’s been just over 24 hours since my cortisone shot. While I did wake up feeling like my right thumb is looser and more mobile, the pain point still seems to be there. I can even feel it when I’m fixing the bed and putting on the duvet cover after waking up. It’s so annoying. The doctor said I could experience relief within 24-48 hours, but it could take as long as two weeks for the inflammation to go away and to really heal. That makes me so sad and impatient. I just want immediate relief… like yesterday. The doctor did look at me and say that I probably shouldn’t have waited five months to see someone, as the more time elapses, the worse the condition could get, and the more likely surgery may be the only option for real relief.

But given my left hand is so much better than my right, I’m going to schedule a shot for my left hand in about two weeks, and hopefully, that will have a more immediate healing effect. At this point, I’m happy for all the drugs to feel better and like I have my hands fully back.