“Mummy blanket!”

People talk about the “terrible 2s” when toddler tantrums and demands get a bit out of control. The toddler tantrum period actually starts much earlier than age 2 as we’ve seen; they started earlier this year, probably around the time that Kaia was about 14-15 months old. The reason these tantrums happen is that babies at this stage are becoming more aware of their surroundings, as well as their own feelings and desires, and when those things don’t always align with what the adults in their lives want, this can result in inner turmoil for the child… hence the tantrum. While these moments can certainly be exhausting and infuriating, I have always remembered in these moments to try really, really hard not to react, especially angrily, and to be as calm as possible. I am also grounded by the sweet moments that I have with Pookster, like this one that happened tonight.

Once we got ready for story time before bed, I asked Kaia to choose some books as always that she wanted to read together. She happily complied as always, grabbing a handful of books and dragging them onto the bed. She also asked for her baby blanket, which I gave her. She’s really enjoyed sleeping with her blanket in the last few months, likely because she’s had a blanket during nap time at daycare, so she’s used to having it. But when I gave her the baby blanket, she paused and then started crying and yelling, “No! No, no, no!” I got so confused. I gave her the blanket she asked for. What was making her upset?

I took the blanket away. She yelled “No!” again and grabbed it back. And then, she pointed at the big blanket folded at the foot of the bed that I leave for myself when it gets a bit chilly at night during story time when I’m with her. She yelled, “Mummy blanket! Mummy blanket!” And then it finally dawned on me: she wanted not only for her to have her baby blanket, but for her mummy to also have a big blanket. So I asked, “Do you want mummy to use a blanket, too?” and she nodded her head vigorously in response, continuing to point at the big blanket. Even though it was a bit warm, I decided to appease her and wrap the blanket around my legs. “Are you happy now that mummy has her blanket, too?” I asked her. She smiled ear to ear while pointing at my blanket: “Mummy blanket!” And then, she pointed at her own blanket I put on top of her, saying, “Kaia blanket!”

It was beyond sweet. My heart was so warmed. She wanted both of us to be warm and snuggly under a blanket. My sweet baby never fails to surprise me with her tenderness and affection in the moments I never suspect.

75 vs. 75

Last night, I had dinner at a Georgian restaurant with my 9th grade English teacher, who I’ve kept in touch with since I graduated from high school. When I look back at my childhood, I realize that I am very fortunate to have developed positive, lasting relationships with a couple of my teachers, who were always positive role models for me. They were people who always genuinely cared and showed interest in me, not just as a student, but as a person. My former teacher and now friend was in town visiting from San Francisco, and so we got together for dinner to catch up, as I hadn’t seen her since the last time I was back home last August.

Every time I see her, I am reminded of all the “what could be” situations with my parents. She and my dad are the same age — they are both 75. Yet somehow, my dad leaves this drab, mundane life where he literally does the same boring things every day that do not give him any joy. He eats the same foods, spends time on YouTube and the internet, and grumbles about prices going up, inflation, politics, and the works. He has no friends to socialize with, nor does he seem to care. He has zero curiosity about the world. He’s not really learning anything new or doing anything new. He has no desire to go anywhere or see anything different. He doesn’t even have the desire to come to New York to visit me, his only living child. And my mom, though she would want to travel, is held back because of my dad. She feels like she has to take care of him, as though he’s another child under her wing.

My former teacher and friend, on the other hand, lives the most fruitful, fun, and colorful life: she takes dance classes two days a week. She regularly does arts and crafts (scrapbooking, textiles, and painting), takes a watercoloring class, and has lots of friends who she is constantly meeting up with and traveling to visit. She is always “busy” in a positive way; she aims to be happy and fill her life with people and things and activities that bring her joy and spark her passion. She makes the most of her life, and she doesn’t let the fact that she’s 75 years old stop her. For her, age is a number, not an excuse to do or not do certain activities.

I always think that my parents could benefit to be around someone like this friend. If they were just a fraction of her, they’d be so much happier and more fulfilled. You’d never guess seeing or listening to her that she’s in the same age range as my parents. She is vibrant, full of life and zeal. It’s unfortunate that I can’t get my parents to see life in a more positive way like she does.

Sunday Fundays: getting your young toddler to nap, and the game of “spot the spotted lanternfly!”

After a productive lunch where she ate an adult-sized portion of steamed beets and roasted broccoli, Kaia got pushed out on a stroller on an aimless joy ride uptown in an attempt to fall asleep (and for mummy to increase her step count). About 15 minutes into this stroll, she easily conked out, and I had the pleasure of listening to The Daily (NY Times) podcast all the way up to 86th Street and back down. When we finally did reach back home, she insisted over and over again that she wanted to go on the swings. I asked her if she was really sure she wanted to go on the swings (as of late, she seems to hate the swings. Chris says it’s definitely because she doesn’t like the the feeling of being trapped or confined in one position), and she kept whining that she did. So I brought her down to Riverside Park, where she cried and pushed as I tried to put her on a swing. I took her out, and then we started our stroll along the walking path along Riverside Park overlooking the Hudson.

The entire Riverside Park is swarming with my most hated insect at the moment, the spotted lantern fly. Every time I see those stupid spotted little red and grey wings, all I want to do is smash them. And given Kaia seems to love identifying them and saying “lantern fly” in her sing-songy tune, I decided to make a game of our little walk: while I pushed her stroller as she walked alongside me, I told her to point out any lantern fly she saw crawling along the ground, and then mummy would immediately go and smush it! We need to kill all the lantern flies in our path, I explained to her, because these lantern flies are an invasive species: they will overtake not only all our vineyards and farms, but they will freaking overtake all of New York City if we let them! And we cannot allow this to happen! So we went along the path, where Kaia’s keen eyesight identified over 50 lantern flies that I happily smashed. Every single time I smushed yet another one, she’d scream and giggle endlessly, then yell, “All dead! All dead!” She’d continue to find more and more, and then I’d smush and smush them. She truly could not get enough of this game.

A number of other parents with young children passed us as we played this game, and a lot of the parents knew what we were doing. One parent gave me an agreeable nod, then started laughing as we smashed and smashed more. Yes, that’s right, friends: we all have to do our part to ensure that New York City will NOT be taken over by these awful pests!

Mid-Autumn Moon Festival, aka time to eat mooncake

Growing up, I had no idea what Mid-Autumn Moon Festival was, but I did know that at around the same time of year every autumn, I could expect to eat moon cakes. Around September of every year, my grandma would buy boxes and boxes of Cantonese style moon cakes as gifts for family and friends. In return, we (surprise surprise) also received endless boxes of moon cakes, as well. I never understood the cultural importance of the Mid-Autumn Moon Festival then. I just enjoyed eating the moon cakes. Since our family is Cantonese, I was really only ever exposed to Cantonese style mooncakes at home. It wasn’t until I was in college when I realized that there are many regional differences across not only China, but different parts of Asia, for mooncakes. Just a couple weeks ago, I finally had Thai style moon cakes, which are really more like mini round flaky pastries with a filling. And apparently, Shanghainese moon cakes are similar to these Thai ones, as well! I feel like I’m always learning new things about my culture and variations of the food I grew up eating.

It wasn’t until college that I officially learned what “Mid-Autumn Moon Festival” even was. Historically, the festival marked the time of the year, in autumn, when families would gather to enjoy the fruitful reaping of rice and wheat, and they would mark this with food offerings made in honor of the moon. The day that Mid-Autumn Moon Festival falls is always an evening of a full moon. So today, families will typically gather and have a delicious feast. And at some point of the day, they will cut moon cakes into small pieces and eat them together with tea. The moon is a symbol of harmony and unity, and so it’s considered auspicious to eat moon cake during this time of year. Moon cakes are always round, just like the moon (not unique, but you get the idea). Families eating moon cake during the Mid-Autumn Moon Festival is basically signifying that their family is unified and complete.

Since my grandma died, our family never really did anything for Mid-Autumn Moon Festival other than buy moon cakes around the same time each year. But I would like for Kaia to understand the cultural significance of these Chinese holidays since they are part of her culture. This year, for the first time, I actually went down to Chinatown specifically to buy moon cakes, specifically ones that I special ordered via email from Kopitiam, a Malaysian cafe/restaurant that was making snow moon cakes based on demand. I ordered five: two durian, one taro, one black sesame, and one white lotus seed paste (the last one is the most traditional Cantonese filling, and my favorite one growing up that I was exposed to).

Snow moon cakes, in the last several years (as long as I am aware), have become all the rage during Mid-Autumn Moon Festival. They’re basically like the modernized version of moon cakes: they have the same round shape, the same beautiful molds, but instead of a shortening or butter-based crust on the outside, snow moon cakes have a “shell” that is made of mochi or glutinous rice flour. They are instant eye candy and are just stunning to look at. And the moon cakes that are being made by places like Kopitiam — you know for a fact that they’re not taking any shortcuts or using artificial anything. I cut two, the durian and the taro, and Chris and I shared them. I offered a bite to Kaia given the holiday, though I’d normally never give her anything with added sugar. Initially, she seemed intrigued, but when she got close enough and watched us eat, she said she didn’t want any. It’s okay: I still want her exposed to these things, and at some point one day, she will be tempted.

How diaper changing has evolved in public New York City bathrooms in Kaia’s 21 months of diapering

Once upon a time when Kaia was around four months old, we started going out around the city regularly with her. What we quickly found out, or rather, were reminded of, was the fact that most businesses in the city are not at all friendly to mothers and babies in that a changing table in the restroom is nearly unheard of. What this ends up meaning is that I end up having to take out Kaia’s changing pad, lay it out on a gross New York City bathroom floor, and change her on it (once we got home, I’d throw the changing pad into the washing machine). Then, since she wasn’t yet crawling, I just had to hope, hope, hope that she wouldn’t roll over or try to touch the dirty floor. I’d swat her fingers away when she’d try to get her hands on the floor. At around six months, she started rolling. This is when I had to prevent her from rolling OFF the mat while changing. It just kept evolving: at around 8.5 months, she started crawling, and I’d have to sing to her and get her to do anything to stay on the mat. Occasionally, I’d fail, but that would just mean that I’d not only need to wash my hands after a diaper change, but also hers.

Diaper changing has gotten easier, though, since she has started walking. Now, she seems a lot more cooperative during outdoor changes. She’s always keenly observing whatever dark, miserable bathroom we are in. And as soon as I tell her we’re all done, she immediately gets on her feet and starts wandering around while I wash up (Pookster now walking means I never have to worry about her rubbing her hands all over a gross floor again!). The cutest thing that always happens is when I sit down to pee, and she is so weirded out by the tight quarters we are in that she immediately walks back to me, places both her hands on my knees or the tops of my thighs, and starts moaning as though she’s scared. In other words, she has to remain close to me to feel safe and protected. I find it absolutely adorable and endearing, and I always coax her and tell her that she’s safe; we’re just in the bathroom so we can both pee and clean up, and we’ll be outside soon where there’s more light and space. It’s a strange thing to enjoy, but I do enjoy these short, sweet moments when we’re together and close, and she’s feeling vulnerable. I love my sweet baby.

Kaia’s growing vocabulary and awareness

In the beginning, I was keeping a running list of Kaia’s words, but now, I can’t even keep up anymore. She says new words (and seemingly understands them) almost every single day, and more and more, she is putting words together. She watches me in the kitchen fiddling with things, and she says, “Mummy cooking.” She knows possessives now, so she likes to say “Mummy’s shoes!” or “daddy’s hat!” and “Kaia’s (insert literally everything of hers).” Today, she grabbed Chris’s hat and said “This is Daddy’s hat.” She identifies when I’m brushing or flossing my teeth. She declares when Chris is showering. She also preemptively identifies that we’re going to tell her she can’t do something: “No Rachel!” “No phone!” “No, Kaia!”

What I really love (well, this sentiment has not changed, but it’s just gotten more fun) is when we read together, and I stop before the end of the sentence to let her finish and say the last word or two. It’s really cute. She’s not only remembering but she seems to know the meaning of many of these words, which is really gratifying to watch. She does this with books we haven’t read it months, too. She even surprised me the other day when I was changing her diaper and singing the chorus of “Mouse Loves Big Rice,” a Chinese song, and she started singing along with me. She’s heard this song over and over since she was a newborn, but this was the first time she’d ever shown any affinity or understanding of what I sang. I find it so sweet. Every time something like this happens, I wish I could just have a camera recording the entire moment so I could capture it forever. But alas, it doesn’t always work out. I always try to replicate it subsequently, and of course, my little cheeky baby runs off to her next thing to discover or plow through. And of course, she loves to give me her little cheeky smile, laugh, and then yell out, “Cheeky! Cheeky! Cheeky baby!”

Weekend naps for toddlers: every parent’s challenge

One of the greatest things about daycare/school, at least for our family, is that Kaia is positively peer pressured into a routine, especially the midday nap that happens anywhere between 12-2:45. After the class has their morning activities and lunch, the teachers check and change diapers, then put all the kiddos down for a nap on their little cots. And since day 1, Kaia immediately got into that routine with no fuss at all; the teachers have always said she’s been a good napper and has never resisted napping.

On Saturdays, we usually are out and about, and during that time, Kaia will usually fall asleep and have her nap in the stroller. So during the seven days of the week, Sunday is the worst day for us to get her to actually nap. We’ve tried getting her to sleep on her bed, on our bed, and it rarely works. Napping at home is a nightmare on Sundays. We usually resort to taking her on a stroll to nowhere, on the streets of the Upper West Side, to see if the movement will get her to finally pass out. So this afternoon, when I was pushing her around outside, I noticed all these other parents pushing their babies and toddlers in their strollers, and I thought… are they all trying to get their kids to nap, too?

This afternoon, I was in the elevator at Target trying to go down, and another mom got in with me and her son, who looked to be a similar age to Pookster. She asked me how old Pooks was, and I responded, and found out that her son was just two months older.

“I don’t really need to buy anything; I just need to move to get this kid to nap!” she whispered to me.

“ME, TOO!” I responded, laughing. “I think that’s what every parent of a young child is here in Target for!”

I left Target. I walked up to 77th and Columbus. I took Pooks to the playground. She refused the swing and insisted on running around aimlessly around the play structure. She refused to get on it. I had to fight her to get her back into the stroller. She was clearly exhausted but refusing to sleep. We strolled some more. And more. And more.

…And she finally fell asleep… at 4:15pm.

Pookster’s eating habits when other people are around

When we started eating out with Pookster, I was a little worried how distracted she’d get with other people around and all the other senses that would be stimulated. And rightly so: just after she turned 11 months and we actively had to eat out with her during our first international trip to Germany and Austria, eating with her was… quite frustrating. She’d get distracted by literally everything: other people, passersby, noises, lights — you name it, and it would distract her from eating. Gradually, though, she got more used to eating out, and she would happily try new foods and actually eat the food that was presented to her.

Well, I will say that while eating at home is very different than eating outside for her, she definitely does have a tendency to be more distracted and eat less adventurously when other people are around. Whether that is when a friend comes over or when we’re out at a restaurant with family or friends, she definitely doesn’t eat as well as when it’s just the three of us. I’m not sure why it is, or if she just wants to get the attention of the other people at the table, so she can only concentrate on a select few foods at a time. Regardless, I hope this doesn’t keep up. I don’t want people thinking we’re exaggerating or lying about how well she eats since she doesn’t seem to display this adventurous eating when around others…

My apple eating young toddler

In June while we were in the mango capital of the world, also known as India, I was extremely dismayed and even embarrassed that my mango loving baby refused to even touch an Indian mango. My thought then, was, how did you so readily and happily eat all those Mexican ataulfo mangoes all these months in New York, yet now, you’re on some odd mango strike and just outright refuse to even look at a mango in the country with the best mangoes on earth?! How is this even possible?

Instead, and as though to insult her dad and me, when on a boat on the backwaters of Alleppey, Kerala, one of our servers offered a plate of cut mangoes and apples. And while completely ignoring the mangoes, Pookster turned to the huge slices of apples on the plate, skin and all. At first, I was initially wary of her eating such thick slices, but she seemed to manage them really well and even relish the fact that they were so fat. With each huge bite she took, she chewed and chewed, as though proud of herself and her amazing biting, chewing, and swallowing skills. On the one hand, I felt annoyed she refused the mango in favor of the apple. On the other hand, I was so damn proud of her eating skills. How many kids at her age would be trusted with apple slices that were that thick and fat? If anything, she likely could have handled them that thick earlier, but a) we didn’t really have apples in the house to test this out, and b) I was being a bit risk averse despite having her learn solids through baby-led weaning solely.

Today, she actually prefers fat slices of apple. And she rejects apple slices that are too thin! But alas, her eating habits have proven to be a bit different at home vs. at school. At school pickup today, her teacher let me know that Pookster prefers the slices fat, but cut in half horizontally. Say, what?! The weird toddler selectivity of my silly, cheeky Kaia Pookie.

Cute developments of my Kaia Pookie

Every day, it seems like my Pookster is doing something to surprise us. It’s hard to keep track of all her new words, gestures, and habits given she’s developing so quickly. Some of the things she’s done recently that have made us smile, laugh, or marvel at how much she is learning are briefly noted here:

*When she is very fond of something and wants to keep holding it, but you try to take it away, she immediately starts saying quickly, “Let go! Let go!”

*If you ask her a question, and she doesn’t know the answer, she will immediately say, “Don’t know! Don’t know!” then put her hands up as though “I dunno!”

*When she wants you to finish doing something with her she doesn’t like, like brushing her teeth or putting her hair up in pigtails, she whines, “Come on! Come on!” Other versions of stopping said action also include: “All done! All done!” or “All good! All good!”

*She is singing full lines of her favorite songs, like “Move on back! Move on back!” from “Wheels on the Bus.” She’s actually sung broken parts of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” for a while now, but the lines from “Wheels on the Bus” have been new out of her mouth as of late.

*She is able to look at both photos and pictures of objects and things and name them without any prompting or assistance. She can also identify a handful of people, including her favorite Suma, Chris’s mom.

*She’s figured out how to open our kitchen cabinets — from the top. Yep. The time has finally come. Chris had to set up the magnet children locks on one, but I’d imagine in a short time, we may need to install them on *all* the kitchen cabinets.

*She knows how to twist open regular (not child-locked) pill containers. This totally freaked me out.

My baby is officially 21 months old today – not really a baby anymore, but regardless, she will always be my baby. How time flies. I’m so freaking lucky to have her and all her sweet cheekiness.