Category Archives: family

The different ways that people show they need you

Posted on by
Reply

Last night, Chris read to Kaia and put her to bed. He came out and noticed I had lit one of my candles and had my Kindle on the kitchen counter. He asked me if I was planning to read on the couch (in the living room), to which I said yes.

He then responded, “Why do you have to read all the way out there?!”

“I’m right here!” I exclaimed back. It’s not like we live in some huge palace. I’m about 30 feet away from him!

I thought about this because it’s not the first time he’s had this reaction to my wanting to read in the living room while he reads or does things on his computer in bed. He always indirectly is saying that he doesn’t want me to read in the living room, that he would prefer I be in bed right next to him… even though it’s not like we’re doing anything together. We’d just be doing our own thing separately, just in the same bed together. And I thought this was cute and sweet. I told him this, to which he mumbled that I come up with “crazy theories” and he was wondering who I was going to blab this to in the next day. I actually wasn’t originally planning to share this with anyone, but since he said this, I decided to text his brother because I knew I would get an immediate reaction.

So I texted his brother, and his brother replies that he never expected me to say something like this. Then, he says, “Isn’t it obvious that he cannot live without you?”

And then I just thought…. Awwwwww. Even when my husband is annoying, emotionally avoidant, and borderline crazy, he still does need me and love me very much. He just wants to front like he’s fiercely independent. But at his core, he does truly need me. That is love.

Winter is cold, and getting even colder, plus a secret love of boots

Posted on by
Reply

For years here in New York, winter hasn’t been a true “winter.” We haven’t had much snow relatively speaking due to global warming. December through March has been a milder weather period; it has always been cold, but just not as freezing as we expect. Snow has been sparse, so Kaia has had very few times to make and throw snow balls or build a snowman. But this winter, it has most definitely been cold. It snowed last weekend; the temperatures have been in the ‘teens and low twenties Fahrenheit. And Kaia is NOT a fan. As she is becoming more and more verbal by the day, she’s definitely making her opinions known.

She has protested almost every other day of boot wearing. “I don’t wanna wear boots! I wanna wear shoes!” She hates the high-top nature of the winter boots I bought her; she probably dislikes how her ankles can feel trapped in them. I can relate to that feeling, but I have since gotten used to wearing boots since moving to the East Coast.

Kaia told us multiple times this past week, “I don’t like winter. I want spring and summer. I want to wear sandals! I want it to be warm!” We agree with her; we also tell her that neither of us likes winter much, either. But winter does not last forever, and before she knows it, spring will be here, and she can shed all her thick layers and boots and wear regular shoes and dresses again.

I’ve adjusted to living in a four-season part of the country and world. I actually don’t mind it much. It does require more different types of clothing (and a very different skincare regimen in winter due to dryness!), but now that I’ve been here almost 18 years, this is my long-time current “normal.” One thing I have secretly embraced but never said out loud is that the best thing about living in a four-season place is that… I actually love boots! For someone who doesn’t like winter, this sounds kind of funny. But to be fair, most of my boots are autumn/winter boots, so it doesn’t necessarily have to be freezing cold to wear them. I still remember back in 2003 when the Wellesley recruiter came out from Boston to San Francisco, and she told me that she had at least ten pairs of boots — all for different types of cold/weather, occasion, and environment! My mind was boggled at the time when she shared this, but now, I completely understand. I myself have three different pairs of dressy boots, along with one pair of super casual, long Uggs (which I basically live in when it’s cold but not wet outside), one pair of rain/waterproof boots, and one pair of fall duck-style boots (which really need to be retired, after ten-plus years of wear, because I found out while in Denmark that one shoe has a hole in it!). So I have seven pairs of boots myself, which is kind of hilarious. I love all types of boots: I like the leather boots, the suede ones, the heeled ones, the flat ones. I like the Chelsea style boots, the tall knee-high ones, the slouch style boots, and even the chunky combat style ones. I could easily waste an hour on Nordstrom’s website staring at all their boots and wondering which ones would be comfortable and still look good in whatever weather. But then I think that if we end up moving to a warmer weather place, how often would I really wear all these boots, if at all?

Kaia doesn’t currently share my love of boots, but who knows — maybe she will embrace them as she realizes that you absolutely need these in cold weather climates. Or maybe she will shun them and refuse to ever live in a cold weather place ever again.

Cantonese style beef stew with daikon and tofu skin 萝卜腐竹牛腩

Posted on by
Reply

Growing up in a Cantonese household and with a Cantonese paternal grandma, I was exposed to endless Cantonese delicacies and dishes that I am sad to say, I oftentimes have forgotten about. Some dishes, like Cantonese dim sum, zongzi, or wonton mein have stayed with me as staples in my current eating life. Others have completely disappeared from my consciousness. But then I occasionally get reminded of dishes my grandma either used to make herself or would order out when we went to restaurants, whether that is through seeing pictures and videos on social media or by looking at restaurant menus, and then I am taken back to those delicious moments of food discovery and appreciation.

One of the dishes my grandma never made at home, but my dad always loved ordering for lunch at casual Cantonese restaurants, was Cantonese style beef stew, usually served in a claypot with rice, and almost always with braised daikon. Occasionally, some restaurants would add tofu skins to their stew, but many just had different cuts of beef stew and tendon with a generous sprinkling of bok choy, and always with copious amounts of steamed rice to sop up all the delicious, umami beef stew juices. The stew was always extremely fragrant of five spice powder and star anise. It was comfort food for my dad, and then eventually it became comfort food for me. I rarely order it as an adult, as when I go to Cantonese restaurants, it really hasn’t been top of mind. But occasionally, I will get beef stew as a topping on my wonton mein, or as a small side when ordering takeout. Most places I tried were a bit disappointing — something was lacking, or the quantity of food I got was just too tiny. So I was really happy to find some recipes for this dish developed by recipe developers I follow that made me realize how easy it is to make at home with a little time. Other than the beef stew meat and daikon, I usually have all the other ingredients ready in my pantry, so this recipe was beckoning me to make it! So I “gave it a go” yesterday, and the result far exceeded any version I’ve had in New York to date! Variations of this will be on rotation in our home moving forward. Chris ate some and declared it “not bad, pretty good,” which is his version of a glowing compliment. Kaia did not say anything about the stew, but she did quickly and eagerly eat all the beef stew pieces from her plate during dinner time tonight!

“Maybe you can do this every year now!”

Posted on by
Reply

I was telling a colleague about my birthday party after she asked. She saw the pictures and videos I posted on Instagram and was telling me how amazing the food presentation looked, and she said she wasn’t surprised I’d have such a crazy spread given it was my 40th. I told her I’d actually never thrown myself a real birthday party before this past Saturday; it took only 40 years for me to plan and host my own birthday party. I told her that planning it was so easy and fun, made especially smooth by the restaurant manager at Patok by Rach. And so she said to me, half jokingly, “So, this means that you’ll do a birthday party every year now, right?”

It’s not an awful idea. Though I would be unlikely to book out an entire restaurant in the next year or so for a non-milestone birthday year.. or pay for it all. But when I think about it, the focus would be less on the fact that it’s my birthday, but more an excuse to get people together. Whenever Chris or my friends would groan about things like bridal or baby showers, my response would always be that it’s far less about “showering” someone with gifts, and much more about just having togetherness, which no one does as much of anymore. Since the pandemic, people have led far more isolated lives, whether it’s because they live farther from people they care about, or because they simply have no desire to initiate get-togethers. Vivek Murthy, the former U.S. Surgeon General and an internal medicine doctor, has said in a podcast I listened to that the biggest epidemic he’s worried about… is loneliness. And it would be so easy for us to resolve that by being less formal or rigid about having our houses perfectly cleaned or planning get-togethers with extensive menus or programming months in advance; we can be more spontaneous with some friends and family and just lay out some crackers and cheese or pizza, and get people together just for the sake of it. And it would create warmth and connection just like that.

So who knows – maybe I’ll do something more casual and simple like that for a future birthday of mine if I am so inclined. It could even be a cupcake party — Kaia would love it!

Happy 40th to me

Posted on by
Reply

It snowed today. I went to and from the Upper East Side for my makeup appointment in the snow. The crosstown bus was delayed getting there, but I still made it five minutes ahead of schedule. We had two spouses decline last minute due to unexpected lack of childcare for young children. Chris’s friend and his wife were supposed to come were deserted by their scheduled babysitter, who cancelled on them right at the time she was supposed to arrive. Then, his friend decided to come on his own… but made the mistake of going to the Brooklyn food hall location of Patok by Rach. He ended up taking the A train all the way up to Inwood and arriving about 1.5 hours late.

Things don’t always go as planned, but despite the snow, the fact that my birthday is right smack in the middle of Northern Hemisphere winter, and that cars and trains were delayed today, it all went amazingly well, probably even better than I could have imagined. I had so much fun at my party tonight. Everyone enjoyed the food and drink. I got rave reviews from several friends who had never really had Filipino before. The service was amazing by the Patok by Rach team. And we ended the night with karaoke!

I gave a little toast at the beginning that went something like this:

….

I’m so happy you could all make the trek to the very top of Manhattan to celebrate with me tonight.

Thank you so much for being here. A couple special individuals I have to call out: Rebecca, one of my best friends along with Crista here, since we were 11 — which means we’ve been tolerating each other for a very long time. Thank you for flying all the way from San Francisco just to celebrate my 40th. That means more to me than you know.

And of course, to my life partner Chris — the most loving and most annoying person I know — thank you for sharing this incredibly happy, lucky, and full life with me for the past 14 years. You may find this hard to believe, but I consider it a privilege to be annoyed by you every day. And I consider it an even bigger privilege to get to annoy you every day! 

Every person here tonight is special to me in a different way. I’ve met you across many chapters of my life — through work, food, friends — some of you just recently, some of you over a decade ago. And even if we don’t know each other well — if you’re a partner of a friend or a friend of Chris — you’ve brought joy into my life by making the people I love happy. And that makes me happy.

I’m truly grateful to be here, to have made it to 40. I know that may sound strange, but as many of you know, I carry with me the people I’ve loved deeply who didn’t get to reach this age, and I think of them every birthday — and how lucky I am to still be here, experiencing how beautiful and delicious this world can be.

So tonight, I’d like to raise my glass — to all of you. Thank you for the love, laughter, food, and meaning you bring into my life. Here’s to many more meals, thought-provoking conversations, and memories together. Cheers! 

….

When the evening ended, we took the A train back down with a small crew. We thanked the babysitter, and she went home. I spent about 15 annoying minutes taking off all my makeup to find several white heads on my forehead and nose — thank God I rarely wear foundation because this would completely ruin my skin! And after four hours of my party, I left with a very full heart — and maybe even a fuller belly.

A birthday kamayan feast planned

Posted on by
Reply

Given I never had a real birthday party growing up, other than the one that one of my besties threw me for my sixteenth birthday, I figure that my 40th birthday coming up tomorrow will be the one party that I actually get to throw myself. I found the perfect restaurant for it, Patok by Rach, up in their cozy Inwood location, complete with a large tree growing inside and a kamayan feast. Kamayan is a traditional Filipino celebratory meal that symbolizes community, camaraderie, and cultural heritage. Large banana leaves are laid out across tables where guests sit, and the food is served directly on top. It traditionally will include dishes like pork BBQ, chicken inasal, kare kare stew, different types of lumpia, lechon (with crispy skin!), freshly fried shrimp chips and fruit. I’ve had it a few times before with my cousin’s wife’s family, as well as for a friend’s birthday dinner in lower Manhattan. I just love the idea of everyone being surrounded by endless food served on banana leaves, directly on the table, and eating and drinking to their heart’s content. That’s ultimately why I chose this place — not to mention the deal we got on this space, and to have the entire restaurant booked out, seemed almost like robbery!

I think every birthday is special because it’s another year around the sun, another year when I get to continue experiencing life and all that it has to offer. But I haven’t had a group birthday dinner since pre-pandemic. It’s mostly just been Chris, Kaia, and me in the last few years — nothing big or splashy. But this year, one of my besties is flying in from San Francisco to partake in festivities. I’m using a gift certificate she got me two years ago to get my makeup professionally done tomorrow. And we have a set kamayan menu for 18 guests tomorrow night. Kaia has her babysitter lined up. I’ve never been this excited to celebrate my birthday before now! Who knows — maybe I will have so much fun that I’ll decide to do something like this (okay, maybe not at a restaurant and pay for everyone) every year from now on!.

Embracing middle-aged-dom by organizing all my Chinese herbs

Posted on by
Reply

Yesterday, I spent about an hour labeling glass jars in Chinese and English, and then emptying all my Chinese herbs out of their plastic bags and into the glasses. My herb bag was becoming a total mess, especially once I started buying more around the time my best friend had a baby, and I wanted to make her a few tonics. So I promised myself that once we got back from our month away that I’d finally set aside time to get all these organized. I hated the feeling of disorganization and clutter: I feel like as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten more annoyed and disgusted by clutter and dirtiness.

Once I got all the labeling done and the herbs into their appropriate jars, I felt this deep sense of satisfaction. This is what it means to get older: to feel satisfied about organization and cleanliness. In some way, it kind of reminded me of all the endless glass jars my grandma used to store in the cupboard at home. She had an even larger and more complex herb collection, which she used very frequently for soups and tonics for all of us. I never thought I’d ever be like her, but here we are with a growing Chinese dried herb collection that resembles hers!

I’ll be using some of these dried herbs for pork bone lotus root soup today — also a soup that she made fairly often when I was growing up. It’s a soup that reminds me of home — soothing, homey, and almost medicinal in a happy, nourishing way.

How the Southern hemisphere haul of food/fun items has evolved over time

Posted on by
Reply

In the beginning when I’d go with Chris down to Australia for Christmas, I didn’t really have anything I really loved or wanted from down there, as I was getting acquainted with what was interesting there to bring back. So in our large checked bag back to New York, it was mostly things he wanted to bring back: his favorite snacks that cannot be sourced here, like Arnott’s biscuits (Tim Tams, obviously, but many other lesser known ones like Scotch Fingers, Mint Slices, Iced Vovos, TeeVee snacks), Arnott’s savory crackers like BBQ shapes, and The Natural Confectionary fruit snacks. He also has loyalty to certain brands of body products he uses, so he would always make a stop at Chemist Warehouse and bring back several of his favorite roller deodorants.

Eventually, though, I started finding things I liked a lot or knew I could get cheaper there, and the list of items to bring back expanded: in a few years time, I was making sure we brought back things like tea tree oil, which is native to Australia (and cheaper there than in the U.S.). It is used primarily for cleaning/disinfecting, but can also be used on the occasional pimple or bug bite. I also started finding brands of sunscreen I like there (they should at the very minimum make high quality sunscreen there, right?), so I would always make sure we brought back at least a handful of bottles of these. I also found brands of clothing I liked, like Peter Alexander for sleepwear and Kookai for clothing.

Then, we started finding things we liked together: a family-owned fruit wine shop up in Queensland, various wineries or distilleries that made wines and gin we fell in love with. The haul started increasing more and more over time (and weight of our bags, as well!).

Then, Pookster arrived, and the checked luggage items totally changed. The proportion of the luggage devoted to Chris’s Australian snacks decreased massively, much to his dismay, in favor of the birthday and Christmas gifts for Pookster that were given by his family and friends (which, to be frank, are dominated mostly by the endless piles of clothes lovingly chosen by his mom). Through Pookster, as well as through store credits from clothes that were gifted that were too small for Kaia, I discovered how much more fun it is to shop for children’s clothing in Australia: the clothes seemed to be of brighter colors (makes sense given the warmer climate), and who can resist Australian animals like koalas kids’ clothing? Where else in the world can you get a lightweight summer toddler dress covered in koalas, wombats, and echidnas wearing Santa hats?

This year, we brought back just two bottles of alcohol: a Four Pillars Christmas gin Chris’s parents gifted him, plus a bottle of reserve chardonnay from a winery where we had lunch with his cousins in Nelson, New Zealand. More of Chris’s Australian snack haul comes from Australian Costco, where this year, he picked up two big bags of The Natural Confectionary fruit snacks and chocolate covered honeycomb. Chris gets a prescription grade toothpaste for his old teeth. As written about previously, I am now getting 20% azelaic acid cream from there for my face to see if it helps with my sun spots! For Kaia, we bring back Panadol for kids, which is basically children’s Tylenol without the high fructose corn syrup (take that, United States pharmaceutical bullshit); different types of preventive cold medication and sunscreen, plus travel-sized bottles of kid-friendly things like lotion and toothpaste from natural children’s brands I like (I love Chemist Warehouse in Australia – it’s like a fun house for me!). We also get a standard sized box of Weetbix cereal for Kaia because she enjoys it; she’s a Weetbix kid!

The haul has evolved a lot over time, but I suppose needs evolve over time, and we’re all getting older, as well. When I remember, I try to take a photo of most of the things we bring back to document it each year (sometimes I forget, and other times, I feel frazzled with the seemingly endless amount of stuff brought back that I feel a neurotic urge to put everything away ASAP). Eventually, I might go through our photos and stack these specific photos over the years side by side for photographic evidence of how the haul has evolved over time. I think that would be quite fun and interesting to see!

Mild food poisoning, but this time, for mama and daddy

Posted on by
Reply

Last night when I came back from the mall with Kaia and her new (and less than $3 USD) sandals in tow, I discovered that Chris had arranged a surprise birthday meal in our hotel room. The staff and the hotel chef were there setting up. They had organized birthday balloons, streamers, and a beautifully laid out table, even complete with a high chair for Pookster. The meal consisted of a seafood soup, wagyu steak with fries, garlic rice (of course), caesar salad, plus several huge slices of chocolate mousse cake. After eating earlier in the day along with some fruit smoothies, this felt like a lot of food, but we tried to do what we could to do justice to this beautiful meal the chef had put together for us.

This morning after brushing my teeth, I could immediately tell that something didn’t feel right in my stomach. I had that strange, queasy feeling that told me that I had eaten something bad. I even started feeling light headed, and a strange, muted pain was going down my neck. After eating a very light breakfast at the hotel buffet, I told Chris that I’d need to lie down while he and Kaia went out to have one last beach outing. At 12:30, we’d need to get on our shuttle, boat, and shuttle back to the airport, where we’d fly to Manila to spend our final night in the Philippines before heading back home to New York.

As I was lying in bed, I kept thinking that at least I got food poisoning towards the end of trip, rather than at any other time; it’s the least disruptive to our days. The last time I remember getting any real food poisoning was in Vietnam during my trip with my parents in January 2008; I was so sick that I was in bed for at least three days at the hotel. Then, I needed to be near a toilet at all times because I had such awful and sudden diarrhea. That was also at the tail end of our trip. My mom got so worried about me that she called our travel agent to shorten our trip by a couple days so that I could go home and “see a real doctor!”

We got our laundry done from the laundry services just across the street from the hotel, and so all our swimsuits were washed and dried. So Kaia ended up having to wear a t-shirt and her underwear to the beach (luckily, she’s still at an age where none of this matters to her). She happily went out with Daddy to have more ocean and sand time. I took some Pepto Bismol, Tums, and lid down on the bed for about two hours. Eventually I was able to get up and feel a little bit better, but I still had this lingering feeling of malaise all over me. I went out to meet them at the beach for a little bit just to get some fresh air and braced myself for the short boat ride that was ahead. I was really hoping that the water would be calm. The last thing I’d want was to vomit in transit.

Luckily for me, the water was very calm (I guess it just gets turbulent at night during high tide). So I was successfully able to get to the airport without throwing up. This was a huge win for me because all I could think of was… the very last thing I wanted was to end this trip covered in my own vomit.

We had a good flight back to Manila. And after checking into our hotel, having a light dinner at the lounge, and getting back to our room, I discovered that Chris also wasn’t feeling well. He spent a good amount of time on the toilet (at least it went out that way and not the other way), and then eventually went to bed. He clearly was not well. Kaia’s stool also wasn’t extremely solid, but her mood seemed to be happy (I’m so thankful to have a happy child). So preventively, we gave her one Tum before bed (she loves these things now! She keeps asking if she can have more medicine…). After a few hours of sleep, I woke up in the middle of the night to get Kaia to dream pee, and I realized that my upset stomach feeling was gone. What replaced it… was a general unwell, cold feeling. My throat was still sore, as this had begun on New Year’s Day. I was still coughing. I had phlegm. And I had a feeling some coughing fits may be in my near future, which is such terrible luck for me because I just had a cold like this back in late October!!

Traveling while feeling unwell is never fun. But being sick on a plane with recycled air is probably one of the worst situations. At least we are flying Cathay Pacific, so if I need hot broth, I have a feeling they will be able to provide me a very good one!

When Kaia met Modi

Posted on by
Reply

Earlier this year, Chris’s parents got a robot vaccum/mop to relieve them of maintaining their large house. They decided to name the robot vacuum Modi, after Narendra Modi, the prime minister of India. Opinions about the Indian prime minister are usually quite polarizing. So Chris’s parents say they named the robot this because they “want to put Modi to work!” They took Modi out today so that Kaia could see him in action cleaning their house. “Modi has a mind of its own,” Chris’s mom always likes to say. And when I watched it in action, I finally understood what she meant. Modi creates a map of each room it enters, and it shows what it goes over and cleans and what it has yet to clean. It follows no one straight or understandable path, but when it looks like it’s missed a spot, it does eventually go back to it…. on its own time, and with its own method. The robot vacuum connects to an app on your phone, so you can trace its history of cleaning.The vacuum function seems useful, but I actually found the mop function even more handy. Mopping is annoying and painful even if you have all the furniture removed, so to have a machine do this for you would be a huge benefit. Not only would it relieve you of the strenuous effort, but it would also give you back a lot of time. Unfortunately, his parents have not used the mop function, so we have no data points on how good it would actually do in this department.

I loved watching Kaia interact with Modi. She kept following Modi, going behind and in front of it. She loved yelling, “Mo-DEE!” over and over and over again. She got worried when it got close to her scooter, and she yelled, “Don’t crash my scooter!” She talked to it as though it could actually hear her.

As much as his parents ran Modi for Kaia’s entertainment, I actually liked seeing it in action myself. The last time I watched a robot vacuum in action was over ten years ago, when my cousin got my aunt a very early robot vacuum. I found it really underwhelming: it missed spots, and it was agonizingly slow and inefficient… not to mention it cost way more than it should have given what a poor job it did. I guess Modi is an example of technology that has evolved. The first iterations may be crappy, but it can only improve over time.