Category Archives: Culture

Homemade food: So under appreciated

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Since Kaia was a baby, I have been pretty maniacal about the food she has eaten and making sure the majority of what she is eating is homemade, made from scratch, and wholesome/healthy-ish. Then again, I suppose that even before her, I was maniacal about all that for myself. We really are what we eat; I believe that statement inside and out, and so I want to make sure that Kaia is eating mostly whole foods most of the time. Working from home and not needing to go into an office has made this very possible for us. If I had to be an an office four or five days a week, this definitely would not work out as well for us.

I remember during the early newborn days when cooking tasks that I consider basic and routine, like mincing garlic, seemed like such an annoying chore: that is how most people view cooking who do not like to cook. Every single additional step or ingredient is a chore, an annoyance, an inconvenience! So when I look back at my childhood and realized that almost every single night, Ed and I had something different to eat, something new, something homemade, I really think it was a true feat on the part of our mom (my dad only cooked occasionally, and it was more a hobby for him). She worked a miserable 9-5 job in an office five days a week, yet somehow managed to have dinner on the table ready for us by 6pm (she was also maniacal about getting on the express bus back home from downtown San Francisco!). Today, I just think that’s insane — real mom magic! I even told my mom this when I went back home in August. She half smiled and shrugged. “I have to take care of my family,” my mom said in response. It’s really that simple to her.

So when I made butternut squash soup today, which ended up becoming part of tonight’s dinner, Kaia whined and said she didn’t like it even before she had a bite. And all I could think was… ugh. Kids are inclined to be this way, to whine and whinge and decline things they don’t know or haven’t tasted. Their moods change with the wind. But she has no idea how much effort went into this soup: the bones-in-the-freezer saving, the Instant Pot pressure cooking, the (whole!) butternut squash needing washing, peeling, cutting, and cubing — just some of the steps to begin. That last part is such a chore that many people who eat butternut squash do not do any of that prep. They skip straight to the “buy butternut squash peeled and cubed” step (which I have never done even once in my life!). Then there’s the cutting and roasting of the carrot and squash, the dicing of the onions, more garlic slicing, sauteing and browning, simmering, BLENDING in a real blender (yes, really!). And then you end by simmering for a last time and adding extras like spices, a splash of milk, cream, or additional stock. THEN, IT IS FINALLY DONE. These autumnal soups are a labor of love; most soups are. But really, all homemade dishes are a labor of love that not everyone can appreciate, even in adulthood.

In the end, Kaia ate the whole bowl of butternut squash soup. She whined, but we could tell she enjoyed it. I am waiting for the day when she has other versions of food out there in the wild, and she comes home and tells me she prefers my version. I am still waiting patiently and eagerly.

Kaia’s first ring pop… and real lollipop experience

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After Kaia finished a bunch of English and 75 percent of this week’s Chinese homework today, I told her that as a reward, she could pick one piece of candy from yesterday’s trick-or-treating stash and eat it. Of course, she chose one of the two ring pops she got — this time, the “blue raspberry” one. She licked and sucked it and giggled and shrieked throughout. And as I watched her greatly enjoy this massive sticky ring on her finger, it dawned on me that this was her first real lollipop experience; she’s never had one before. She’s watched many other kids have them, but she herself has never enjoyed one. I showed her a mirror so she could see how blue her lips and tongue were turning from the blue ring pop, and of course, it completely delighted her. Kaia knows that we don’t allow candy, so this truly is a very special, very rare “treat” for her. She savored it until the very, very last lick. It was really cute for me to watch her enjoy and savor every bit of that teeth-rotting thing.

It’s funny to think about how permissive my parents were about my sugar consumption when I was the same age. I got to eat plenty of candy, chocolate, and ice cream all the time; I suppose my grandma didn’t help because she also had a sweet tooth, and she’d let Ed and me eat whatever she was eating. Then, she’d indulge us further by buying us candy at the corner stores nearby. We especially loved “sour power,” or the sugar-coated sour belts; even thinking and writing about them now still makes my mouth water a bit. My parents never brushed my teeth except with water until the age of 5 because I was so fussy with the toothpaste, so my mom just gave up (I think it’s a safe bet to say that my dad never attempted to brush my teeth… ever). Then I ended up with three cavities at my first dental visit at 5 years of age — what a surprise! So when I tell my mom that Kaia doesn’t get candy or almost any sweets unless it’s a shared dessert, she thinks I am being far too strict.

Well, times have changed. We need to protect our child’s teeth and physical health for long term benefits. We know a bit more now about the dangers of overconsumption of sugar versus back then. And so, it actually makes me feel quite proud to see how Kaia self polices herself with sweets, and how she knows what foods we approve (and don’t approve) of. I hope she keeps this up.

What Halloween and trick-or-treating means is very different depending on where you live

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Halloween means different things to different people across the U.S. (and world). I have some colleagues whose streets completely shut down in the suburbs for neighbor-sponsored parties of bouncy castles, haunted houses, games, food, and drink. Friends in San Francisco go house to house trick or treating, with some of their neighbors even redoing their garages for a mini-haunted house experience. Some go to adult-only Halloween parties where everyone dresses up. Others go to different neighborhoods to see what kinds of candy and fun will be available to them. Until I moved to New York, I had no idea that high-rise, doorman buildings like ours did their own version of trick or treating: they would have participating residents sign up for their unit and time slot they’d welcome trick-or-treaters, Some buildings even do their own lavish decorations in their entrances and lobbies as I’ve seen a few times this year.

In the last two years, we took Kaia trick or treating just in our building. Two years ago, she didn’t quite understand what she was doing, but went along with it. Last year, she understood she was getting candy every time we knocked on a door and she said “trick or treat!” This year, when I said we’d go trick or treating on W 69th Street between Columbus and Central Park West, she didn’t quite understand what this meant. When we started leaving our building at around 4, she got confused and said to me, “Mama, I thought we were going trick or treating?”

“We are going, Pooks!’ I exclaimed to her. “We’re going outside, to 69th Street, to trick or treat there! And then maybe we can see some of your friends, too!”

I chuckled. It dawned on me in that moment that to date, Kaia’s only concept of “trick or treating” was just in our many multi-unit building, going unit to unit, up and down the elevator. Her puzzled face transformed into a big grin when she said, “Aww, okay! I thought we trick or treat in our building?” I had to clarify for her that there are many, many ways to trick or treat, and in our building is just one of them! This was becoming a real adventure for Kaia Pookie, as she’d never before gone trick or treating outside the building!

She got so excited as we got to West 69th Street and saw all the decorated brownstones and businesses; the entire street was shut off to car traffic with cops all around. She loved going to front doors and saying “Trick or treat!”, with pretty much everyone passing out candy also elaborately dressed up. (She avoided the skeletons, though, and was not a fan of them!). Her favorite was this guy who had spray painted his entire naked body, from head to toe, bright green; he was wearing white shorts while passing out candy. She kept giggling afterwards. “He’s so funny!” she shrieked to me after as we ran along up and down W 69th Street.

I tried and failed to get in contact with some of her classmates’ parents; everyone seemed to be running behind, and Kaia was quickly getting tired. We waited at the end of the crowded block for at least 15 minutes before I had to call time and tell her it was time to go back to our building. She kept saying she was tired and wanted to go back… but she also said she wanted to trick or treat at our building. So we hit every unit, and she got excited every time someone opened a door for her to yell trick or treat. And just like last year, she was not super happy whenever someone laid out a bowl of candy instead of allowing her to ring their bell and see her. There is one exception to this, though: one neighbor left out a massive bowl of candy, with RING POPS! Kaia got so excited. I didn’t even realize she knew what those things were. She grabbed two and started giggling hysterically. “I GOT TWO RING POPS” she kept saying over and over to the next floor.

Halloween this year was quite fun for all of us, though it wasn’t the group trick-or-treating I had envisioned with her new classmates. Maybe next year we can be more organized. But either way, the day ended well, with Kaia laying out all the candy she got from trick-or-treating on the rug and telling me which of them were her favorites. My sweet baby is growing up super fast… I cannot believe this is already her third time trick or treating!

Sub Rosa Bakery en route to the airport

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As soon as I learned I was going to Richmond, Virginia, for a work trip, I immediately looked up Sub Rosa Bakery to see if I could do a pre-order to pick up en route back to the airport on my last day. During our Labor Day long weekend trip back in September 2023, Chris tried to take us here, but we failed: the line was just way, way too long. And to be frank, it seemed a little crazy to come from New York City to a much smaller city like Richmond and wait in line for bread and pastries! But Sub Rosa is a special place: they have their own stone mill in-house to freshly mill their grains into flour right before baking. They have a wood-fired masonry oven like the old-school ones in Europe, so the flavor is a lot different: it’s supposed to yield a different texture and flavor than most commercial bakery ovens. And all of their breads (except the ciabatta) are naturally leavened — real sourdough! And for some specialty, seasonal items, they make their own cheeses from scratch. The owners are a brother-and-sister-baking duo with Turkish roots, and you can definitely see the Turkish influence on the menu.

I made a mental note to place my pre-order two days before the pickup date. I set it for about three hours ahead of my flight so I’d have ample time to pick up. I stopped by Union Market a few blocks down for a cold brew coffee and yogurt for breakfast, plus a breakfast burrito to eat at the airport for lunch. Then, I walked over to Sub Rosa, bypassed the tiny line of four people, and headed straight to the back shelves to pick up my super big bag of goodies! I pre-ordered the sesame light rye sourdough loaf, the rosemary sea salt pide flatbread, a sour cherry pistachio croissant, a mini quiche (had a quiche craving!), and the beef borek. When I took the bag to the outside tables to inspect my goods, I counted and realized that they had thrown in an extra pistachio croissant on the house for me; I LOVED this place already, and I haven’t even had a single bite of anything yet!

I got upgraded on my flight back, so I wasn’t that worried about having this big brown bag with me. But when the first class flight attendant saw my bag of goods, she asked me if I’d like to store it in her flight attendant closet at the front. Of course, I said yes, and then we chatted about Sub Rosa. Since she makes frequent overnight stops in Richmond, I told her she had to go! She wrote it down and promised to go next time. And she wasn’t even the first person who asked me about my bag of goodies: when I went through TSA, one of the security people peered into my bag and asked where the pastries were from. I told him they were from Sub Rosa and were going back to New York City with me. He immediately grinned and told me they were worth bringing back because Sub Rosa is amazing!

Upon coming back, I sliced my bread loaves and took a bite of the sesame light rye sourdough: so good, so sour, amazing spongy texture. The pistachio sour cherry croissant was good, but to be honest, not as “wow” as the Radio Bakery croissants here. And the beef borek was flaky, savory perfection. This was the best thing to come out of this Richmond work trip, hands down!

Traveling for team building

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I’ve been in Richmond, Virginia, for the last two days, for some internal work travel. The purpose of the trip was framed as “team building,” as two companies merged together. Lots of changes have been happening internally that have been confusing, frustrating, and ill planned and communicated. We also semi recently had a layoff. So needless to say, morale hasn’t been great, so this trip was meant to help with that and help build culture and a sense of “togetherness.”

On Tuesday, we met up at a co-working space in downtown Richmond, where we had a conference room booked for two hours. We spent no more than ten minutes on this central “team building” activity, where we had to piece together a Lego building just so. Then, we spent the next hour and ten minutes, voicing our complaints, in a very structured and subtly coded way, about everything that was wrong with our roles, our team, cross-functional team collaboration, our management, and the company/product. After that was done, we were “released” and told to get ready to go bowling. We went to neighborhood bowling alley, ate some pizza, wings, and fried buffalo cauliflower. A lot of my colleagues had way too much to drink. As for me, I left at around 9:15 and was sleeping by 10:30, as I was still set on hitting the gym this morning, which I did!

As my friend who works in tech says, the problems that people in tech have are so far removed from the reality of most everyday people with “regular” jobs. The fact that most of us took flights and had paid hotels (and a daily stipend for food/ride shares) simply for a “team building” Lego activity that lasted ten minutes can sound pretty preposterous to someone who doesn’t work in our industry (and what could sound even more insane is that we had a fixed budget for our evening activity of bowling and subpar dinner, and thus could not afford a “real” team restaurant dinner, yet somehow there seemed to be no limit on the alcohol spend that night…).

Another friend, who is a retired middle school science teacher, told me she was recently out with another retired teacher for lunch around the Embarcadero in San Francisco. It was the middle of a weekday afternoon, and they saw tons of young people walking around. “We were wondering, ‘Shouldn’t they be working?’ Such a different life than a teacher…'” she had messaged me.

There are a lot of stupid, completely senseless things we have to deal with when working in tech: ridiculous politics, bureaucracies, “products” that don’t work but we need to sell and support, toxic and/or unrealistic management. But we also get luxuries that so many do not get: flexibility to work from home, work wherever we want, whenever we want, relatively good benefits and perks, and higher than average pay. If we want, we can take a longer lunch in the middle of the workday and make up for it later in the evening. We have the flexibility to go to a doctor’s appointment or hair cut in the middle of the day and just move some meetings around. All of my dog-owning colleagues take their dogs on multiple walks during the day from home, no questions asked. And we accept it as part of “work-life.” As a teacher, you’d never be able to do this.

There’s no such thing as the perfect job. There’s always a give-and-take situation with every company, every role, every single thing you do in life. So we just have to maximize what we have for what we really want and what matters to us.

Back to back kids events in a single day

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We were invited to a joint birthday party of Kaia’s classmates today, so we knew we would take her. But then her school also decided to host a Halloween fest later in the afternoon, and we thought it would be good for community building (and for Kaia) if we went to both. It seemed like a lot for us, and highly unusual given our usual Saturdays, but we do things to make our child happy, right? The birthday party would be at a large kids indoor play space from 11:30-2:30; the school’s Halloween fest would be held just blocks away from us from 3-5pm. Time was tight. And I told Chris that I was always envious of other friends with kids and how they attended preschools and schools with a strong sense of community/friendship. I wanted that, too. So now that I have it, I should take advantage of it by going to most of these events that I am here for, right?

“Well, there goes my Saturday,” Chris grumbled as Friday approached and he knew we would be forgoing our usual Saturday food crawl.

He doesn’t really mean to grumble, though. Chris enjoys socializing, and we have a pretty decent group of parents in our kindergarten class. We’re still getting to know everyone and their personalities. We’re also still discovering who we get along better with than others.

I would say that almost two months into being at this school and interacting with the parents in our class I have met, I have definitely identified people I jive with more than others. There are the people who are very thoughtful and insightful; some seem to have views and perspectives that mirror ours; some are more analytical (and anal) than others; some show they are always thinking about how others perceive them; some are trying to get into higher level parents association positions at the school; some are trying to do everything within their power to increase the school’s enrollment; one is definitely a complainer all around. So far, it’s a good mix of parents and it feels comfortable.

In the meantime, Kaia seems to be identifying friends who are her favorites or “best friends,” though, and sometimes, they change by the day. It sounds like a typical girl thing of this age range. Chris got her this book from a used book store last week called The Invisible Boy, and with its theme, we’re trying to teach her to try to be friends and play with everyone. You never know who you might get along with unless you branch out. (Adults are a different story, but hey, she’s not even five yet!).

Friday afternoon in Chinatown

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Now that Kaia is no longer going to school down in Manhattan Chinatown, I also no longer have an excuse to be down there every day. I can no longer make a last minute decision to make an authentic Chinese, Vietnamese, or Thai dish because my access to the right ingredients is limited where we are; I can’t just pick it up on a whim while in Chinatown. Now, it’s back to the days of pre-planning way ahead to think about things I may need and want to cook. Since my afternoon was pretty quiet today, I decided to go down there for some groceries and to pickup Friday dinner takeout.

I mostly purchased fresh produce, things I cannot get easily (or anywhere as cheaply) on the Upper West Side: king oyster mushrooms, oyster mushrooms, gai lan, Shanghai bok choy, fish tofu, firm tofu (a specific brand I prefer). I stopped by Banh by Lauren to tick off two more punches on my Kickstarter punch card and got some banh bo nuong slices. I went to my super under the radar Fuzhou Wei Zhong Wei for Fuzhou-style xiao long bao and fried dumplings. I waited in a short line that became super long at Kuih Cafe to pick up a made-to-order pandan mochi waffle, this time filled with handmade durian kaya (ugh, so delicious). I picked up a few baozi (cha siu and custard filled pineapple bao) since these are now no longer easily accessible for us. Chris requested Korean for dinner, so I ordered takeout from what is likely the only casual, reasonably priced Korean place in Chinatown. And on my way back onto the B/D train uptown, I picked up my HeyTea mobile app order for King Guava Jasmine milk tea. My arms were full of groceries and food brimming from my canvas bags, but I will say that the entire way up on the subway to the Upper West Side, I felt quite self-satisfied with my varied food haul. Next time, I will need to vary it up and get things I did not get this time around!

Chicken and lentil soup, majorly improvised from NYT Cooking

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Because we have The New York Times app, we also have access to their cooking app. I don’t actually make the recipes from here that frequently, but I do browse it a decent amount and bookmark recipes for inspiration. I had recently bookmarked lots of soup recipes (it’s soup season, remember?), including one for red lentil and chicken soup. As soon as I read through the recipe, though, I knew I would need to improvise a lot from the original: the soup uses no stock at all, just water. It also has one spice other than pepper: turmeric. If you cook with spices at all, you know that turmeric is never used for its flavor, but rather its color and health properties. If you want to “flavor” something with just turmeric, you are basically saying you want to taste dirt, which to me, is not that tasty (to each their own, though…). I like the idea of using lentils and chicken together in an autumn soup, so I used the base and immediately started doctoring it: I used my chicken/duck stock. I added coriander, cumin, paprika, and my self-blended Madras curry powder for additional flavor. I also added spinach at the end, along with a generous sprinkle of minced cilantro for freshness. I also like it with a squirt of lemon when I’m too lazy to add the lemony yogurt to the top. It really hit the spot… after all the changes I made. If I made it as is, I definitely would not be giving it the 5-star rating it currently has! And if you read the recipe comments, you’ll see many people make the same changes I did… but likely still gave the recipe five stars! They are far more generous than I am. I would never give a recipe five stars unless I followed it to the T and found it absolutely perfect!

Fall is soup season

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Every September, as the temperatures start dipping and the leaves begin falling, most of my food social media starts going crazy because everyone loves autumn cooking. “It’s SOUP SEASON!” many recipe developers, food influencers, and food publications will write. And with soup season comes the need for an endless supply of delicious bone broth or stock that you can use as a base for all the amazing soups we want to make at home. As far as I am concerned, I can have soup every day, regardless of what the temperature is. But I do start actively thinking about soup a lot more in the colder months.

Since we just went to Costco about a week ago, our freezer is quite stuffed with supplies. So my bone bag (that I always refill whenever I roast/cook bone-in meat) was getting a bit squished. Chris was lightly scolding me about this yesterday since he always gets mad about certain items being placed in ominous situations in the freezer. I decided to finally throw the contents into my Instant Pot this morning with water to pressure cook while I went to the gym and got some morning calls done. Once lunch came, the bone broth was ready. When I shut it off and opened the lid, I inhaled the stock: it smelled so good, and a bit different than my usual chicken stock! And then I suddenly remembered: this bag had not just a lot of chicken bones, but also my entire duck carcass from my whole roasted duck last month! I was even more excited to strain it and let it cool!

My duck carcass is like the gift that keeps giving: I’m looking forward to using it for soups this and next week and seeing what different flavor profile it brings!

Durians and rambutans in the restroom!

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We have eaten in a lot of different eateries and restaurants in NYC over the last almost two decades. Some have no restroom. Others have tiny restrooms that can barely fit a single person in them. Some have restrooms that could legitimately be bigger than an entire New York City apartment. But it wasn’t until today when we ate lunch at the “creative” Malaysian restaurant Kelang in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, when I finally decided I may have found my favorite restaurant bathrooms in all of New York City.

For one thing, the entire restaurant is beautiful: it was originally inspired by old Malaysian cinema and the moody, romantic atmosphere of Wong Kar-wai films. It has rich, plus red velvet with vintage fringed lamps, custom stained glass fixtures, and even personal and regional family photos alongside beautifully cut mirrors. They also have all the old metal tea and snack tins that you might be familiar with if you have grown up in a Chinese or Malaysian household. But it wasn’t until I went into the two different restrooms and saw rambutan trees and birds on one set of wallpaper and massive cut open durians on the other wallpaper that I declared these to be the most fun and aesthetically pleasing (and unexpected!) restaurant restrooms in New York City.

Kaia also immediately noticed these: She first confused the rambutans for lychees, then fought with me and insisted that I was wrong, that they had to be lychees (I just gave in, because what was I to gain?). Then in the second restroom when we went to wash our hands after we finished lunch, she immediately yelled out that there were durians everywhere!

“榴莲! 榴莲! (Liúlián! Liúlián!” Kaia excitedly kept repeating over and over as she pointed at the wallpaper.

I just never expected to see durians in a restroom before. This tickled me all day long. And what made me laugh in my head even more was that a lot of people would have no clue what this wallpaper design was even of! Here’s yet another case of #iykyk!

The food here was also ridiculously good; service was also very attentive. I’m likely going to be thinking about this place and its food for a long while!