I feel like this is the first weekend when I actually feel pretty down, and that’s saying a lot since this pandemic began way back in March, which is now nearly nine months ago. I’ve been constantly telling myself to make the most out of this time. Read more! Make more videos! Edit more! Exercise more! Do more face masking! Experiment with more different recipes! DO MORE! I just feel exhausted. I’ve felt exhausted for the last week or so. My mind and my body are slower, and I feel more numb. I suppose it doesn’t help that my cubital tunnel dull pain in my elbows is still lingering. My PT says that since we just recently started the nerve flossing exercises that I likely will not see real, tangible improvement for at least 3-4 weeks. That was just so depressing to hear. I almost cried. I’m 34 years old, and I have a nerve problem in my elbows. I told my doctor friend this, and she was at once in disbelief and in rage. “You’re too young for these kinds of problems!” I hate everything today.

I was thinking about all of the things we’ve done in previous years, ranging from personal to work travel around the country and world. I thought about events we’ve gone to, from food festivals to comedy shows to off Broadway shows. I’ve thought about catch-ups and events with friends. I thought about all our trips to Asia and Canada over the last seven summers, plus our European Thanksgiving trips and the Christmas markets we got to mingle in and be a part of. I thought about how I have not been back home to San Francisco since February — that was nine months ago. In the last seven years, I was really happy about my routine of going back home about 3-4 times per year. It felt like a good number of visits to go home and a solid amount of time to spend with family and friends back home. I’ve even thought about the prior “normal” act of hugging or kissing a family member or friend upon seeing them, and all of it just drove me nuts this morning.

Nothing is normal anymore; everything feels wrecked. Even now, when I see TV shows on Netflix or HBO and I see people interacting in offices and hugging, I immediately think, as a gut reaction, “Why are they not wearing masks?” And for a moment today, I thought, I really miss San Francisco. I actually miss my parents and just want to see them. I would like to have an argument in person with them just to be in person with them. I would like to see my mom nag me while I am packing my roller bag, asking me as per usual, “Why did you not bring a bigger suitcase? Now, I can’t pack you as many things!” I’m sad I cannot see my aunt, who always tries so hard to be optimistic about every freaking thing that happens in life. Yeah, she inevitably will send me off with some gift she has regifted, but you know what? It’s the thought that counts. I’m annoyed I can’t catch up with my close friends back home over afternoon tea or boba or at some new interesting restaurant that has opened up, or do something else stereotypically “Asian.” I’m mad I was never even able to see my close friend pregnant, even for a second. All of this is driving a combination of rage as well as sadness in my head.

I just can’t stand this country right now. I can’t stand this lockdown. I can’t stand anything today.

Ever since I discovered the deep, multi-layered, silky smooth pumpkin pie by Cook’s Illustrated in 2008, I’ve never really gone back to any other pumpkin pie recipe. The pumpkin flavor is actually enhanced by the addition of sweet potatoes, and the amount of spice in it is absolutely perfect — not too much, and not too little. Plus, the silky smooth texture, the result of very finicky straining through a fine sieve, is like a dream.

But then, I got inspired yet again today when I saw that Pai from Hot Thai Kitchen posted a video of her Thai take on pumpkin pie, a coconut pumpkin pie with reduced coconut milk that is infused with PANDAN LEAVES. I knew I immediately had to make this — pandan, coconut AND PUMPKIN? Once topped with the toasted large coconut chips, I was totally sold. The best news was that I had all the ingredients at home and didn’t need to go out to buy anything.

I’m making this baby tomorrow. Wee.

Because we spend about 90 percent of our time at home now due to the pandemic and working from home, I suggested to Chris a few months ago that we get an air purifier. Not only is it supposed to help with air quality (this thing goes NUTS when I have the gas stove on!!), but it’s also supposed to help with dust management. Now that we are here all the time, constantly shedding skin and hair cells every second, the dust buildup in this apartment has been atrocious. I was maniacally dusting the glass coffee table at least once a week since the beginning of the pandemic, and it was driving me crazy!

He was pretty convinced it wouldn’t do much, but it’s safe to say that after monitoring this air purifier for about a month now, I’ve only had to sponge off the coffee table once. Dusting it once every month vs. once every week is a small enough win for me to think this is worth it. Now, too bad this lack of dust didn’t also extend into the hallway, bathroom, and bedroom…

Today, we explored and wandered through Lower Manhattan and ended with a massage in Chinatown. This whole week, while my elbows have been flaring up, I actually started some new exercises at the gym to keep things interesting at the same time. My back has been more tense, and my arms have this weird soreness. I have no idea whether all this is connected to my exercises or my arm/hand condition, but either way, it’s been frustrating and confusing.

The good news is that after my massage, my back and neck did feel quite better, so now we can rule out any injuries and just chalk that up to tension, stress, and perhaps some need to just physically relax. The more annoying thing to think about is: how long are my hands and arms going to have pain and flare-ups? Is this just my new normal that I have to deal with? Or is there really a permanent fix for all this?

When I started seeing my physical therapist about a month ago, I was actually already starting to feel better. I stopped doing a lot of the activities that were causing me pain, like texting with my thumbs, and started doing a lot more stretches and exercises to help improve the mobility and strength of my fingers, hands, wrists, forearms, and arms in general. So when my PT added on new exercises, I could definitely feel an improved strength and mobility, as now I can actually open jars and carry a full mug with just one hand again thankfully, so I thought, oh hey, maybe I won’t have to go to PT anymore!

Well, that all came crashing down this week when I decided to stupidly start using my phone and texting the way I previously did again, along with who the heck knows what else, but my elbows started flaring up. So I told my PT this, and I told him which positions and actions made me feel the pain and burning sensations, and he tentatively concluded that I may have mild cubital tunnel syndrome. Cubital tunnel what?

This is an injury that happens more commonly now with smartphones. Someone holds the phone in front of her with her arms and elbows close to her body. That position, combined with the typing action of the fingers, pushes a nerve the wrong way around your elbow, causing the burning and the pain. My PT said he has two other patients who are in their 20s, so younger than me, with far, far worse symptoms. They can’t even lift their arms over their heads.

So now, along with exercises and stretching, I have to do “nerve gliding” exercises to encourage my nerve to move back into its rightful place… away from my elbow.

Yep. The smartphone will be part of all our demises. Forget the computer and your attempt at ergonomic desk setup. It’s time to blame that evil iPhone now and our terrible addiction to it.

Once upon a time, when I worked at an office, I never really thought much about having the heater or the air conditioner on because the building where I was working or the office manager would take care of those details for me. Now that my “office” is permanently my living room for the forever future, I actually have to think about these things now. And when you turn on the heat or the AC in your apartment, you also have to pay for it, which means that your bill goes up.

Chris tries to hold out as long as possible before turning on the heat most years because he sees it as “caving in” to the inevitable truth that winter has arrived. Yet, between not turning the heat on and turning it on, in between, he will take out his space heater… and point it in his direction. That means it’s going in the opposite direction of where I am sitting, which means… I get no heat. That means I have to either wear more layers or throw on a blanket. Granted, I generally do wear a hoodie or cardigan around the apartment most fall days, but still… what about my heat?

“You can have the heat!” he says defensively, when I make this comment. Mmmmm hmmmm, sure I can…

What’s really annoying about this time of year this specific year is that normally, while the city would be getting much colder, we’d have a European Thanksgiving trip to look forward to, and then a few weeks after that, a summer Christmas in Australia along with a side trip somewhere else inevitably warm and fun in Asia. This year, we have absolutely nothing to look forward to. I have barely taken off any real days off from work this year outside of the first few of the year while in Indonesia, plus the holidays I’ve been given. It’s just been work, work, work in some annoying form or the other. When I’m not doing paid work, I’m working on YmF videos, filming, photographing, editing, posting, promoting. There hasn’t really been much of a “relax” period this year at all. This really sucks.

The only times I seem to be able to zone out are when I ‘escape’ onto Tiktok and waste too many minutes scrolling through people’s Christmas TikTok videos, taking me through New York and other decked out cities anticipating Christmas. New York may look merry and bright, as does London and any other city that gets bedazzled for this time of year, but the mood is definitely sadder and more depressing.

Today, we did our weekly stroll into a new neighborhood, and this week, Chris decided on Fordham Heights in The Bronx. While we went to a number of spots and ate a variety of different cuisines (Ghanian, Dominican, Puerto Rican, Italian), probably the most delicious and notable for me was visiting 188 Cuchifritos, which apparently has been around since at least the 1980s and has at least two or three locations in upper Manhattan. It has an endless variety of Puerto Rican and Dominican foods and snacks, and one of the two we chose there was the pork tamale (much fattier and juicer than the Mexican tamales I am used to!), plus the alcapurrias, which is a fried snack that has a mashed yucca/green plantain shell that is deep fried, stuffed with a curried, slightly spicy minced beef and onion filling. It was love at first bite; I just loved every single aspect of this delicious pointed, fried snack. I even suggested to Chris that we get four more of them to bring home because of how delicious they were, but he lightly reminded me that we were not even near the end of our self-guided food walking tour.

Alcapurrias – this is my new Puerto Rican obsession.

Chris enjoyed the Thai minced turkey stir-fry I made this week, so much that for our weekly delivery, he ordered from one of our local favorites, Pure Thai Cookhouse. While many restaurants have closed that we used to frequent, such as LaSalle Dumpling Room two blocks away from us (they still have a location open in Harlem), Pure Thai Cookhouse is still going strong with its usual menu and specials, and our other regular spot, Rice and Beans, has re-opened with new management and a new name — Nelore Grill. The menu is still the same thankfully, and we also found that since the chef is the same, the food is also, thank goodness, still the same and super delicious!

This pandemic has been really rough, particularly on small businesses, and so we’ve been happy to see that some are still continuing to go strong… and feed us. 🙂

Thai food is likely one of my all-time favorite cuisines in the world. For me, it really has the best of everything: sweet, salty, sour, spicy, umami, and extremely complex. All the different herbs and fresh ingredients put together with different shrimp and fish-based pastes make for one explosion of flavor in the mouth after the other. Unless you just do not like flavor, Thai food is just one of the most delicious and complex cuisines in the world.

Unfortunately, here in the U.S., where we’ve basically taken complex and high-skill cuisines such as Chinese and Thai and “sweetified” them — that is to say, loaded them with so much sugar that we just expect iterations of their dishes to be sweet and sickly, a lot of people have no idea how multi-layered and deep Thai or Chinese flavors can be. They just haven’t been exposed to it because the people want and/or expect sweet, so the Thai business owners will often cater to those tastes and make their dishes sweeter. I mean, it *is* a business, right, and they need to make money to pay their bills and survive, so why not give the people what they want?

I’ve learned so much from Pai from Hot Thai Kitchen via her YouTube channel on the complexities of Thai cooking and how to make a lot of these favorite dishes at home with authentic flavors, a few shortcuts, and her recommended techniques. One of the things I’ve recently gotten excited about were her recommended Maesri Thai curry spice pastes. They are readily available and really tasty. She offers her doctored version of these pastes just by adding a few additional ingredients to make them more well rounded and “Thai,” and suggests uses for them other than making curries and stews. One of her suggestions, which I just did today, was to use the paste as just that – a spice paste to flavor minced meat and vegetables in a stir fry. I used some ground turkey I got from Costco, threw in a bunch of greens, chilies, and kaffir lime leaves, and ended it all with a squeeze of lime, and it was likely one of the fastest, most satisfying dishes I’ve made in a while.

Quick and easy Thai cooking is possible, like many other cuisines, as long as you have certain ingredients on hand!