Category Archives: Contemplations on New York Life

A birthday kamayan feast planned

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Given I never had a real birthday party growing up, other than the one that one of my besties threw me for my sixteenth birthday, I figure that my 40th birthday coming up tomorrow will be the one party that I actually get to throw myself. I found the perfect restaurant for it, Patok by Rach, up in their cozy Inwood location, complete with a large tree growing inside and a kamayan feast. Kamayan is a traditional Filipino celebratory meal that symbolizes community, camaraderie, and cultural heritage. Large banana leaves are laid out across tables where guests sit, and the food is served directly on top. It traditionally will include dishes like pork BBQ, chicken inasal, kare kare stew, different types of lumpia, lechon (with crispy skin!), freshly fried shrimp chips and fruit. I’ve had it a few times before with my cousin’s wife’s family, as well as for a friend’s birthday dinner in lower Manhattan. I just love the idea of everyone being surrounded by endless food served on banana leaves, directly on the table, and eating and drinking to their heart’s content. That’s ultimately why I chose this place — not to mention the deal we got on this space, and to have the entire restaurant booked out, seemed almost like robbery!

I think every birthday is special because it’s another year around the sun, another year when I get to continue experiencing life and all that it has to offer. But I haven’t had a group birthday dinner since pre-pandemic. It’s mostly just been Chris, Kaia, and me in the last few years — nothing big or splashy. But this year, one of my besties is flying in from San Francisco to partake in festivities. I’m using a gift certificate she got me two years ago to get my makeup professionally done tomorrow. And we have a set kamayan menu for 18 guests tomorrow night. Kaia has her babysitter lined up. I’ve never been this excited to celebrate my birthday before now! Who knows — maybe I will have so much fun that I’ll decide to do something like this (okay, maybe not at a restaurant and pay for everyone) every year from now on!.

Unreliable childcare = situation normal in the U.S.

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Back in August, over a month before I confirmed and booked a restaurant for my 40th birthday dinner party coming up this Saturday, I reached out to our main babysitter who lives a block away to ask if she’d be able to babysit Kaia that night. She agreed and blocked it out on her calendar. And despite the fact that she confirmed she could come all the way back in August, I had this weird feeling in the back of my mind that something, somehow, would come up closer to January 17, and she would end up cancelling.

Unfortunately, my gut feeling was correct. I typically reach out to our chosen babysitter about a week ahead of the date they are scheduled to come to ensure they can still make it — just as a reminder. I texted her on Sunday and did not get a response until Monday morning, when she told me she could no longer come because her grandmother had died. It wasn’t clear what the timeline was for her grandmother’s passing, which is obviously sad, but all I knew was that I needed to find a replacement ASAP. And with less than a week’s notice, it would be a real challenge to find a replacement.

I immediately reached out to our #2 babysitter. She couldn’t make it because of her son’s basketball game. A third babysitter through Chris confirmed she also could not make it. I asked babysitter #2 if she could recommend anyone she trusted. She said that she had a 26-year-old daughter who has three kids of her own (and thus childcare experience) who she could ask if she would be free. She immediately found out she was, sent me her number, and we texted back and forth to confirm her pay rate, time, our address, and agreed to have her come.

Ideally, we’d have a babysitter come who knew Kaia, who Kaia knew. But in this case, we ran out of options. The three babysitters we usually cycle through were all unavailable. We have no backup care options through my work; Chris doesn’t work anymore, so his work benefit is long gone. We have no grandparents nearby. So we’re constantly at the whim of babysitters who can easily flake on us at any time, with zero notice. And then we’re stuck. In these moments, I get frustrated that reliable, trustworthy, affordable childcare is such a challenge and impossibility here. It feels like a no-win situation. And then I can’t help but get annoyed by people I know who do have able bodied, mentally sound grandparents nearby who can help (for free), yet they still complain about their free childcare all the time. No one is ever satisfied with what they have.

A happy surprise at the door: when your neighbor friend shows up with freshly baked goods and milk!

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Growing up, I always wished I had a friend who was just next door or on the same block who I could easily go play with. That never happened. Then as an adult living in New York City, I always wished I had a friend who either lived in my building or just a block or two away who I could see as often as I wanted, with as little notice as possible. For the longest time, I only had that once with a friend who lived about six blocks south of us. But he wasn’t very easy to get a hold of, and so that “ad hoc” nature of hanging out just never happened. We’ve been living in our current building for almost nine years now, and unfortunately, I’ve just never been able to make a real friend in this building until last year. This friend has a child who is close in age to Kaia, and luckily, they love each other. So the four of us try to arrange a catch-up about once a month when we’re all in town.

This friend remembered when we were coming back, so she messaged me randomly yesterday afternoon that she had done some baking and wanted to bring us some treats! So she stopped by and hung out with us for about half an hour with her son. They even brought over a half gallon of milk in case we were short of groceries! Kaia and her friend didn’t talk very much, but they did run around each other and squeal quite a bit to indicate that they were both super excited to see each other again! It was a quick and rushed visit because they had to get back to their home to welcome an out-of-town friend, but it was still so nice that they came to see us and came bearing edible gifts.

I love that I have a relationship like this now and that it’s right in my own building! It was so touching when she texted me to say she wanted to share baked goods and to see us even briefly. I know Kaia got really excited when I told her she might see a little friend later that day, and it definitely warmed my heart, as well. One thing that I haven’t loved about adulthood, or “adulting” as my friends call it, is that it always feels like everything needs to be scheduled and planned in advance. Yes, that’s necessary for a lot of things, but not everything. I wish I could do more ad hoc, spontaneous things more often with friends; it would feel a lot more fun… and frankly, more young. But I guess the older we get, the less spontaneous we can be, especially when we all don’t live in the same building or down the block from one another.

A night at the opera: Madama Butterfly

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After being reminded of the Under 40 Met discounts for the opera by my friend who is three years older than me, I finally got tickets to see the opera. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do since my twenties, but I had just forgotten about it. Opera tickets, like ballet, can get exorbitantly expensive. So with this Under 40 Met deal, I was able to secure mid-orchestra seats for us for just $89 each. It’s still not a cheap show, but it’s far cheaper than the several hundred dollars we could have paid without this deal!

After having a quick meal at home, my friend and I walked to the Met Opera and sat in our seats. I noticed a little screen on the back of the seat in front of us, which would aid in translating the Italian into English for us so we could follow along. Although I was still tired from jet lag, I actually managed quite well through the show. After Act I, there was a 30-minute intermission. This is when my friend and I got up to look around us, and we noticed exactly how dressed up people were. Even though a good number of people dressed up for The Nutcracker last month, that was nothing compared to tonight: I saw men in the most decked out, colorful, tailored suits; women were bejeweled and wearing ball gowns and form-fitted dresses with trains! I felt pretty under-dressed given I was just in a sweater and jeans. After Act II, there was a two-minute “pause.” And once Act III was done, we were three hours and done with the opera! It was an interesting experience: the sets, costumes, and singing were all gorgeous. But I didn’t love constantly having to look at the screen to translate all the dialogue and lyrics. I far prefer regular theater, ballet, or chamber/orchestral music. And in retrospect, I am not a hundred percent pleased with the fact that I chose an opera that’s basically about an Asian woman getting used by a White man, being forced to give up their child to him and his new White wife, and then killing herself in the end? This was a bit too tragic and upsetting for me.

While I am happy I went to see the opera once and can say I have experienced it, I think it’s unlikely that I will want to go again — now, it’s been there, done that — and all before age 40!

Oldies but goodies in Manhattan Chinatown: Super Taste

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In the last several years, my bookmarked map list of places to try and eat at in New York city has exploded. And especially since Kaia has been in school in Manhattan Chinatown for the last 1.5 years, I keep running into interesting things I want to try. This then presents a very (first-world) conundrum where my old favorites battle with trying interesting new places because you can have only so many meals or snacks in a given day. One place that I’ve neglected for the last nine to ten years has definitely been Super Taste on Eldridge Street. Once upon a time, it was this tiny long hole-in-the-wall with just a handful of tables and the skinniest kitchen you can imagine. They had a small menu specializing in Lanzhou hand pulled noodle soup, a dry noodle version, as well as dumplings. Their signature dumpling was a bit unusual in that it was minced beef, celery, and cilantro (the usual tends to be pork and cabbage, or pork and chive). The last time I remember going here was before I moved to the Upper West Side, in 2017 with my friend, who loves cheap noodle joints.

This friend mentioned to me a couple months ago that Super Taste had exploded on social media a while back, and so all the food influencers were hyping it up. Now, they actually accept credit cards (they were always cash only before!), and they’ve even expanded their menu to have more options, including dishes like Mount Qi noodles, dan dan mian/noodles, and chicken (gasp!) dumplings and fully vegetable dumplings to accommodate people who don’t eat red meat or meat at all. This made sense to me because the few times I walked by it on Eldridge Street, I noticed a small crowd around it. I was never used to seeing this before.

Before I picked up Kaia from school this late afternoon, I decided to finally stop by Super Taste again to pick up some dumplings and noodles. And it was a challenge to get in: every single table was taken, and the majority of the people eating there were not Chinese! It’s a world difference from 9-10 years ago. I put in my order, paid by credit card, and waited for about ten minutes for my order. In that short time, there was a constant stream of people coming in and out to dine as well as to order/pick up takeout. I was happy for the growth of their business, but honestly, I was also a little sad that the secret was out about this place.

I took the food home and shared it with Chris and my friend who came over for a quick dinner before we were scheduled to head to the opera. We all concluded that the dumplings were excellent. They were having Super Taste for the very first time, but this was my third or fourth time having it. I am happy to conclude that they have not deterred from their original quality, and all the dumplings are just as good as I remember. This just means I’ll have to add them back into my rotation for northern style dumplings and noodles and stop neglecting them!

First onsite “evaluation” for kindergarten

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Kaia will be starting kindergarten next school year, so the last couple months for us (okay, primarily Chris) have been spent researching different options in our area, both private and public. We’ve narrowed it down to two private schools to apply to, and both require online applications, application fees, parent interviews, parent essays, teacher recommendations (yes, really, if applicable from daycare/3K/4K), and child onsite evaluations. The onsite evaluation is typically a 3-4-hour block of time when you drop your child off at the school, and they are brought into a class of same-aged children to participate in the day’s lesson, and are then evaluated and scored.

These onsite evaluations are things I had only heard of previously, but I had always thought were a little nuts. What exactly are they even being evaluated on at such an early age? Children as young as just 6 months old are brought in for elite school evaluations. What are they judged on — how much or how loudly they babble, or how quickly they can crawl? The whole idea for such early ages seemed so absurd to me. Even at ages 2-4, this still just seemed so, so early to me. One of the parents I was in touch with at one of our consideration schools told me not to worry too much about the onsite evaluation or the parent interview. He summed it up as, “They want to make sure you both are decent people, and for the child evaluation, they basically want to have proof that your child is not disruptive.” So in other words, they want to make sure Pookster doesn’t smash all the windows, throw chairs and tables, or attempt to beat up all her classmates. Got it.

But we like both of these schools a lot, and so we want to “make sure we’re considering all our options,” as Chris said. So, we threw Kaia’s hat in the ring for her. Today’s school was our first onsite evaluation. Chris brought her in at 8:20, and I picked her up at noon. It ended up working out schedule-wise for us because Friday was her last day of school at her current school for the year. This evening, we’re leaving on a long-haul flight to Melbourne for Christmas. So we got to send Kaia to her onsite evaluation (aka, free childcare… or well, technically, childcare paid for by this school application fee!!) while we packed up the last bits, finished the final load of laundry, and I got some work done before we were heading to the airport.

I wasn’t sure how she would be or whether she would have liked the experience. We told her that this was “practice kindergarten” and that she would be in a class where the teachers would speak in Chinese to her, and all the kids would speak Chinese. So we encouraged her to listen and participate, and to speak as much Chinese as she could. I always know she understands Chinese. I am not always confident she can speak much other than the most basic. So I tried not to get my hopes up too much.

After I signed in to pick her up at noon, the founder greeted me and walked me to her classroom to get her. When I came in, the main teacher greeted me. In Chinese (this was a bit presumptuous, but in the end, I was actually happy with it since I understood everything she shared), the teacher did a quick but thorough run-through of what they did all morning: morning introduction, meeting, and discussion, exercise, snack time, lesson time, and wrap-up. Kaia had one pee break and was offered a pee at the end, but she declined (love this level of detail for this age). Throughout the whole day, Kaia understood what was communicated and responded in kind. She also participated throughout, and was very enthusiastic in her participation, especially with exercise (haha). She was well-behaved and listened throughout.

I felt like such a beaming, proud Asian mother of her Asian kid. She did well! The teacher was really happy with her level of understanding and participation! Kaia seemed to enjoy it and said that she liked her new (temporary) classmates and enjoyed the teachers. Pookster said she liked her practice kindergarten. This made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe this could really be a future place for her. But at this point, only time will tell where she lands.

Annual visit to Sixth Avenue and the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree

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It’s our last weekend in New York for the year, and today, we walked down to the 40s to check out all the beautiful festive Christmas decorations along Sixth Avenue. Chris and I have been doing this for so many years that I’ve lost count how many times we’ve done this. And now, we do it with Kaia. All the usual fun decor was there, including my beloved super-large red Christmas ball ornaments, the nutcrackers, as well as the candy canes on “ice.” Endless Christmas trees decorate fronts of corporate office buildings. And then of course, there’s the magnificent Rockefeller Christmas tree.

Every year, it doesn’t matter what time of day you go or whether it’s Saturday or Sunday, but the entire area around Sixth Avenue and Rockefeller is completely mobbed. Getting through is never fun, and it always feels claustrophobic, especially when you have a young child in tow. You walk at the pace of snails, and the crowds are just endless. But we brave it to see our favorite Christmas decorations and the gorgeous tree. Once we finally reach the tree, it always feels worth it. It really is so extravagant and gorgeous — and SO tall and large! This year’s tree was particularly fat and bushy on the bottom. I really liked how “full” its butt was. We look at it for a few minutes, snap a few selfies and act like tourists and try to see if anyone is around who can help us take a picture of all three of us. And then we head back home.

Every year, people come from the suburbs, Long Island, upstate, the tri-state area, and all over the world to see Christmas in New York. We live right here and get to enjoy it as much as we want. Every year, I am reminded of how lucky I am that I get to live in this great, big, endlessly fun metropolis. World-class performances like the New York City Ballet’s The Nutcracker happen just three blocks from where I live. The best performers in the world come through here every single day. The food and culture here just defines diversity. New York does the festive season really, really well. And I’m so happy to call New York City my home.

The enchantment of The Nutcracker – 34 years later

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When I was a little kid, I was obsessed with ballet. I loved watching the little foot moves, the twirls, the beautiful outfits. So when I was five, my aunt and mom took me to the San Francisco ballet to see The Nutcracker, and I was so, so excited. I was going to have an entire evening of what I loved most: Christmas and ballet! Unfortunately about half way through that performance, I started running a fever and wasn’t feeling well, so we had to leave early (I can only hope my aunt and mom didn’t spend too much on those tickets…). And that was my experience with The Nutcracker, or really, any ballet for that matter.

Years went by. My parents refused to let me do any ballet classes (“that costs money”). I lost interest in ballet. But when I got to adulthood and moved to New York City, I realized I was in the center of the world for the performing arts. And of course, I was now living in the home of the New York City Ballet — world renowned, the best of the best. I had to make this happen — this decades-long dream of seeing this enchanting holiday performance. Every year I checked for tickets, and they’d either all be sold out and/or insanely priced (clearly, I didn’t have any insider knowledge…). That was a challenge, plus I knew no one who wanted to go with me — either because they had zero interest in ballet, or they weren’t willing to spend this kind of money on a show. I finally made a friend who said she’d be interested if I could find tickets under a certain price point, and I got the tickets this year! And last night, I FINALLY WENT — 34 years later!

A friend joined me for the evening, and it was everything magical and completely transported me into my 5-year-old self, completely transfixed by the massive, gorgeous, sparkling, and GROWING Christmas tree on the stage; the dainty toe work and dancing, plus borderline acrobatics by some of the performers; the orchestral music that was so beautiful and moving that at some points of the songs, I was holding my breath because I wanted to really, really hear and feel the music. The costumes and the makeup were truly stunning. I had forgotten how many children are in The Nutcracker ballet performance; the littles were so adorable, so professional and graceful despite all being relatively young. As the minutes passed, it felt like it was going by too fast: before I knew it, Act I was done, and we were in intermission. Then once the entire show ended, I felt so sad. The magic was here and gone, just like that.

The entire experience truly lived up to all my expectations. I have zero regrets on these tickets, and especially on getting orchestra right, second row tickets; I had a perfect view of everything on the stage and was just steps away from the orchestra. If money didn’t matter, I’d go see The Nutcracker every single year and make it my Christmas tradition, as it really is such a fun, beautiful, and magical way to welcome the festive season. And once Kaia were to get old enough to sit through a two-hour show (plus appreciate how beautiful it all is… and actually understand how expensive these tickets are!!!!), I’d love to take her, too. But I was telling my friend that Pookster would likely need to be an older elementary school age before I’d be comfortable taking her so that she’d really, genuinely appreciated it. These tickets are not easy to get, and they certainly do not come cheap!

I’ll be playing The Nutcracker music a lot for the next few weeks as we get closer to Christmas and reliving the sheer magic that the ballet was last night. “The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” is just enchantment in itself — my absolute favorite.

Kaia’s 4th birthday party at school and all the things it entails

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We asked the teachers to reserve today for Kaia’s early 4th birthday celebration since she will not be at school next week, and so Kaia’s been anticipating her school birthday party for weeks now. Chris organized and put together all the kids’ goodie bags. I pre-ordered her birthday cupcakes from Sugar Sweet Sunshine a short walk away from her school and would be responsible for delivering the goodie bags, birthday party snacks, and picking up her helium filled birthday balloons today. I ordered an assorted mix of cupcakes with variations of chocolate and vanilla cake and buttercream. I know Kaia will specifically want the chocolate cupcake with the chocolate frosting. But she specifically asked me to get vanilla cupcakes, as well, because two of her classmates only eat vanilla, she said. My caring Pookie thinks about others even when it’s her own birthday party.

Luckily, my 9:30 call got cancelled today, so I was actually able to do both the balloons and the cupcake pickup earlier in the day to avoid the impending rain in the weather forecast. For the balloons, I went to the same little shop in the Lower East Side that I found last year. The same guy was there to help me. I asked for a hot pink metallic “4” balloon and initially thought that was all I’d get. But then I kept looking at his other balloons and quickly got swayed by a unicorn balloon I knew Kaia would adore. I asked the employee how much the unicorn balloon would be, and when he told me the total for both, I sheepishly checked my wallet to see if I had enough cash. I was annoyed to find out I was exactly one buck short. He clearly didn’t want to deal with a credit card fee, so when I told him I was just a dollar short, he told me not to worry about it, and he handed me the balloons once I gave him the cash. It was win-win for both of us!

Even though Kaia’s school will not be near here next year, I love this little shop, and I love this guy who works here. Both times, he was consistently friendly, helpful, eager to please, and quick. Who knows — I may come all the way down here just to get her future balloons and to support this little shop!

Now, I’m curious to see how her birthday party went, and if she enjoyed the party and the cupcakes. Last year, she was groggy during her birthday party due to a nap, and from jet lag. She also did not like the vanilla cake I got her. But this year, she has chocolate as explicitly requested!

Update: Pookster loved the snacks, cupcakes, and the balloons. She asked to take one of the mini chocolate cupcakes home, and the teachers obliged by putting one into a cup for her to take out with me. But alas, as I was packing up all her goodie bag items into my canvas bag, she accidentally tipped the cup over, and the cupcake fell out upside down onto the floor of the school. And being the practical mother that I am, i took the top (thick!) layer of frosting off and handed it right back to her. A little gross? Yes. But someone had to address the immediate tantrum and fat tears that ensued!

Seven more full days in New York City for the year

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Chris and I did some grocery shopping today, but on the light side, since we have only seven more full days at home before leaving for the rest of the year. When I came back with more vegetables and also another pack of gai lan from Chinatown at the end of the day, he looked at me like I was crazy.

“Did you over buy vegetables? I think we have too much,” Chris said to me skeptically. “We’re leaving next Monday!”

I looked at him and smiled. I told him that we will definitely get through all of this, especially since we have no plans to eat out the next week, plus Kaia is not in afterschool care this week, so she’ll be having a full dinner at home each night. Plus, I do not waste vegetables; if needed, it will go cooked into the freezer. But more likely, it will mean bigger servings of vegetables for everyone, which doesn’t hurt anyone. Plus frankly, whenever I serve our meals, I always put way more vegetables on everyone’s plate than Chris does.

It’s always crazy to think that after our Thanksgiving trip in Europe that about a week later we leave for Australia. But it also makes life more adventurous, exciting, and less boring. And of course, Kaia is looking forward to seeing her Suma and Topa again very soon, and being on a plane once again!