Category Archives: Contemplations on New York Life

The one time my eyes got assaulted by onions in a restaurant

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I have always had a huge eye sensitivity to cut onions. Ever since I was little, even if I were in the kitchen while my mom cut onions, my eyes would water. The scientific reason that onions make us cry is that when the onion cells are damaged (via cutting/crushing), the onion releases enzymes that convert amino acids into a volatile gas, which then travels to your eyes, activating tear glands and causing them to produce tears as a protective response. Though scientifically, shallots have less of these sulfuric compounds than onions (they are smaller) that trigger tears, shallots are always miserable for me. I can’t even do a single slice of a darn shallot before my eyes are already watering. So whenever I cut onions, I try to make sure I am not wearing much or any eye makeup because it will always get ruined. And then I immediately need to wash all the cutting boards/surface areas that had onion juices to prevent my eyes getting re-triggered.

However, though I’ve eaten in many open kitchen-restaurant setups, I’ve never had this reaction in a restaurant. This has happened for me only in a home setting. So today, while we had an early dinner up in Kingsbridge, The Bronx, at Com Tam Ninh Kieu, an old Vietnamese favorite, out of nowhere, I could feel my tear glands getting triggered, and my eyes started watering like crazy. The kitchen was wide open, so you could see everything happening in it. It was a very familiar and uncomfortable feeling, and as soon as I felt it, I knew immediately that it was because of onions getting cut. Chris’s eyes even started watering. And then, Kaia’s eyes started visibly watering. She had no idea what was going on, but she started rubbing her eyes and then let out a few little whimpers of discomfort. She came over to me to try to cuddle and I wiped her eyes and covered them. I explained to her that all our eyes were watering because of onions! Right now, this meant nothing to her. But in the future when her understanding of the world grew, she’d understand!

I suppose onions are special because they have this effect on us. And unless I wear surgical goggles, I will likely always have this annoying reaction to them. Cutting onions is likely my most dreaded kitchen task. Even with a box mincer/cutter, my eyes still get exposed to the cut cells, so while it quickens my exposure, my eyes will still water! There is no solution!

The perks that are not always “perks”

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A friend of mine has been traveling the last week for a conference but wanted to meet up for lunch today, but he had a lot of meetings. So I offered to come to his neighborhood (Park Slope) to have lunch with him since I was more flexible today. Before I met him for lunch, I parked myself at a nearby cafe and enjoyed a latte while taking a work call and also doing some emails. I noticed that the back of the cafe had a pretty large outdoor seating/garden area that was partially covered and seemed like a pleasant place to catch up. When I met my friend and his wife at the Middle Eastern restaurant we planned to have lunch at, they also had a nice outdoor dining area in their backyard, so we requested to sit out there. As we chatted and ate, my friend got bitten by mosquitoes a couple times. Oddly enough, I was not bitten even once.

“I love these little cafes and restaurants with backyard seating!” I told my friends. “It’s always nice to eat outside when the weather is good.”

My friend, scratching his mosquito bites, told me that “outdoor seating” in Brooklyn is not as big of a perk as we want to think it is. He was told from other Brooklynites that it’s probably only very pleasant to dine outside in Brooklyn for about two months of the year. The rest of the time, it’s either too cold, or, in this case, there are so many mosquitoes that you will inevitably get bitten and be very itchy and unhappy after.

We like to romanticize all these living situations that we don’t have. And then when we get easy access to them, we realize that there is pretty much always a negative to every positive you can think of.

Commentary on the evolving definition of “etiquette” or “manners”

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I had two onsite meetings at the same company downtown today. So instead of my usual work-from-home routine, I actually had to get dressed to meet customers in person and was out the door this morning for in-person meetings starting at 11am. I try to get to onsite meetings well in advance of the actual start time for multiple reasons. First, as a sales leader I worked with at a previous company said, “If you are not fifteen minutes early, then you are fifteen minutes late.” Secondly, a lot of buildings have security protocol like government ID checks, bag scanners, metal detectors, etc., that they need to go through before they let you through their doors or into their elevator banks. And thirdly, it’s always good to get to a meeting early, feel composed, straighten out your shirt/wipe off sweat/use the restroom well in advance of the official start time. But when I met my three colleagues at the check-in desk today at 10:40, one of my colleagues had a look of disappointment on his face and asked if I had checked my email in the last two minutes. I had not. He told us that our main stakeholder, who had actually invited us to this onsite meeting, simply emailed and said he was not going to be in the office today, and gave the first name and phone number of the person who should get us in and check us through security.

All of us were shocked and dumbfounded. It was so rude to be told about 20 minutes ahead of an in-person meeting that our host would not be showing up. And for me, it was even more rude to a) not apologize, b) not give any reason for the sudden change in plan, or c) express zero remorse or regret. It was beyond ridiculous. Either way, we went ahead with our onsite meeting; 16 people ended up coming from their side, so it was certainly not a wasted effort. But the whole thing left a really bitter taste in my mouth and did not make me feel good about this person.

I later texted Chris to tell him what happened. And he said that yes, it was terrible, but it was not simply poor manners; it was just flat out unprofessional. This person has most likely done this with other professionals in his time in the workforce, so this would not be an isolated incident. It’s just really upsetting to hear that people actually think it’s okay to operate like this. It should not matter if it’s your boss, your peers, your vendor partners, your friends — this behavior should not be acceptable, period.

It made me think about the concept of “etiquette” or “manners,” and how people seem to be so loosey goosey and nonchalant about things like this today as though it’s not a big deal. And it reminded me of a conversation I had with my friend earlier this week, when she told me that she spent several hours writing out recommendations on how to change the pitch deck of her friend’s new organization (this would be fully unpaid work, done as a favor for her friend) given her work background… and the friend never thanked her or even gave an acknowledgment of receipt of the work. It really upset my friend, as this happened over two weeks ago, and she was still fuming about it.

Sometimes, I think I might be “getting old(er)” for even getting annoyed at things like this. But these things aren’t done by people younger than me; they are usually around my age or in this customer’s case, clearly much older. So it’s really not about age. It’s about a general lack of etiquette and sense of professionalism, or even common decency, that apparently we’re just supposed to “accept” today.

The rarity of comfortable sit-down cafes and bakeries in Manhattan Chinatown

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Because I work from a coworking space in SoHo about once a week and Kaia goes to school in Chinatown, I get asked often what good sit-down cafes and bakeries there are in the area. In Chinatown, SoHo, and NoLita, this is especially challenging since rents are expensive downtown, and thus space is very tight. There are endless amazing Chinese bakeries and bubble tea shops in Chinatown, but the issue with the vast majority of them is that there is either extremely limited or no seating at all. The majority of them do not have a restroom. There are even tiny eateries that have no restrooms (and legally, they don’t need to provide one unless they seat 20 people or over). So I can recommend endless takeaway spots, but only a small handful of good sit-down cafes and bakeries; and always an added bonus if they provide WiFi in case I have to work for a bit before I pick up Kaia.

Because of this, I was pretty excited when I was walking along Grand Street and found out a brand new matcha place was opening called Isshiki Matcha. They have a matcha stand in Chelsea, plus a small sit-down location in East Village, but this space was really huge. They have bar-like counter seating, high tops, as well as tables where you can sit and catch up with others over a matcha. It looks like at night, they even convert into a bar and do matcha cocktails and wine. They have indoor and outdoor seating, WiFi, and a huge perk: they have a bathroom that is not only clean but spacious! This is definitely going to go on my list of regular catch-up spots for the area. I met a friend here for matcha (I had a hojicha latte), and service was fast and friendly, and the seating was very comfortable. I’m excited that the newer places opening up in Chinatown have seating and sometimes even a bathroom. We need more comfortable spaces to catch up!

Play date at the Brooklyn Children’s Museum

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Today, I took Kaia out to Brooklyn for lunch with a former classmate at her school plus her mom, then the Brooklyn Children’s Museum (on my Culture Pass, which got all of us in for free!). Kaia was so upset when a lot of her old classmates did not show up this school year, and it was hard to explain to her that many had moved onto different schools because they were a year older and thus starting kindergarten. This classmate was one of them. She even identified this classmate, Eliza, by name, and said she wanted to see her again. Luckily, Eliza’s mom was very friendly over the last school year, and we exchanged numbers before Eliza started kindergarten. We organized this play date a few weeks ago, so Kaia was eagerly awaiting this day for weeks now.

I knew Pookster was very excited about seeing Eliza again because on the entire train ride to the restaurant, she didn’t want any snacks at all. She simply kept looking out the window, saying over and over that she was waiting to see her friend Eliza in Brooklyn. And when we finally did meet with them, they both shrieked each other’s names over and over, jumped up and down, danced, and kept hugging each other and holding each other’s hands.

It was one of those moments as a mother that I could almost physically feel my heart swelling to witness these two girls get so excited and be singing with joy that they were reunited. I was so happy to witness their joy that I didn’t even remember to record it. But at least I have a couple photos of the tail end to document this love.

Over lunch, Eliza’s mom and I talked about how hard it was, annoyingly, to make friends and do play dates with other parents in this city. She is a New York native, born, raised, and still living in Manhattan, and she herself admits it’s been a struggle to make other parent friends and arrange play dates for her daughter. I always wondered if it was just a New York City thing since my friends in other cities out in Long Island, in San Francisco, and Boston have said they haven’t encountered the same challenges. In general, people are just “weird,” she said.

Eliza and her mom are nice, and while Eliza and Kaia get along, I also get along with Eliza’s mom. So I hope we can do more play dates in the future. It’s always nice to have other nearby mom friends who have kids of a similar age.

“Focus on what we can control and influence”

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Participating in the workforce and working for someone else is probably one of the most frustrating, infuriating, and annoying roller coasters a person can ever experience. And a lot of the time, I wonder if it’s all even really worth it. My dad always told me that the best thing you can do is to work for yourself because then, you don’t have to answer to anyone else. While it can be liberating to not have to answer to anyone, that also comes with immense pressure and responsibility that not all of us can handle… and not all of us frankly have the skill and ability to do. When he used to say this, especially after I became an adult, graduated from college, and entered the workforce, I always thought, but never said out loud to him, that I actually admired that he was skilled enough to make this leap for himself… because I don’t think I was ever brave (or creative or skilled) enough to do this for myself.

I was supposed to have a relatively relaxing day at the coworking space today. I originally had two meetings on my calendar and blocked off some time to work on some slides. And then suddenly, I got some bad news that came crashing down, and it was all hands on deck trying to figure out how to remedy a customer situation. I could not even believe how frustrated and angry I got, and I was even more pissed that this had to happen on a Friday at midday. A few colleagues and I were ranting about it, and everyone kept on repeating the same thing to try to ground ourselves: “focus on what we can control and influence.”

So much of what happens at work, with colleagues, customers, projects, data — is out of our control. We try to create narratives that this deal or opportunity happened because I did x, y, and z, and that person did a, b, and c. But chance and luck are very much in there as invisible drivers. People don’t like to openly acknowledge that, though, because unfortunately, we cannot replicate or quantify chance or luck. So in times like this, I just want to escape and do things that help me mentally escape. Tonight, I ended up double boiling and heat aerating a pot of chai. I added extra ginger because I figured I could use the extra spice. I find the process of making chai very meditative, and I can attribute that to watching many “chai meditation” Instagram Stories that Sunny from The Chai Box records every single morning. I used to watch her chai double boiling and meditation almost every morning when I was on maternity leave, and I always looked forward to it. And now, I still do it when I want a little mini escape.

Work can really suck. But chai meditation always helps.

The Nutcracker ballet – Almost 35 years later

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I have always loved Christmas and pretty much everything associated with it. When I was 5, my mom and aunt took me to the San Francisco ballet to see The Nutcracker. I was so excited since I loved ballet, but I got sick halfway through the show and had to leave early. I still remember being so upset that I got sick, as I had been looking forward to watching the Nutcracker for what then felt like a very long time. When I moved in New York in 2008, I knew that at some point, I wanted to try to see The Nutcracker again, but this time at the New York City Ballet. Each year as autumn rolled around the corner, I’d occasionally check the official site. But by the time I’d check, all the good seats would be taken. Mostly nose-bleed seats would be left, and they’d be astronomically expensive, around $200-300++ expensive just for the opportunity to squint and barely see anything on the stage. I never thought it was worth it, though each year, I’d still have my hopes up and just cross my fingers that I’d get lucky. I especially wanted to see The Nutcracker in 2021 when I was pregnant with Kaia Pookie, but when I looked at the show dates (all starting right after Thanksgiving), I thought it would be cutting it way too close to my due date, which was December 14; there was zero chance I’d spend $200+ on ballet and risk never even seeing the show because I went into early labor.

Then a couple days ago, I got an email from the New York City Ballet stating that they were offering early access discounted tickets for MasterCard holders for this year’s The Nutcracker performance. I immediately clicked in to see what was available and what the pricing would be, and I was shocked to see that this truly was “early access.” Almost the entire orchestra level was available, and you could get seats in this section for as low as $219 (this is almost unheard of in over 17 years of living here!!). I immediately went through my mental list of local friends to see who might want to come (and pay) with me. And I remembered I have one friend who said that if the tickets were in the $200ish range, she’d be willing to come. So I confirmed dates/times with her, and I went to the box office today to buy the tickets. And I was able to get them! I was so shocked that this actually worked out just as planned, and the optimal seats were still available. We’re seated in the second row of orchestra. With these tickets in hand, along with The Met Opera tickets I’d also purchased in the same Lincoln Center visit today, I felt rich! I couldn’t believe how lucky I had gotten — all in the same day!

Yes, it was a lot to blow on live performances in a single day, on two theater shows. But alas, I’m turning 40 in January (that’s going to be my excuse for pretty much everything semi-indulgent I do from now until probably next June), so I’m allowed to indulge and live life! I’ve survived this long and thrived for most of that time, so I think I deserve this fun!

Perks of being “young”: cheaper access to theater and the arts, including the Met Opera

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In the many years pre-Kaia, Chris and I took advantage of a lot of inexpensive ticket offers at theaters across New York City. So many extremely affordable to downright cheap offers exist for those who are under the age cutoffs of 40, 35, and 30. First, Chris took advantage of them. Then, when he aged out of the cutoffs, he had me go buy the tickets for us. We’d get highly sought after seats at popular shows for next to nothing. During all that time, though, somehow I had forgotten about how I wanted to take advantage of the Under 40 Met offer, which is deeply discounted tickets for those under 40 (limit of two tickets) to see opera performances at the very famous Met Opera. When we think of the opera, we typically think of very old White people attending in their fanciest clothing. But as those people are eventually dying out, the arts scene needs younger people to fill those seats in (and pay those exorbitant ticket prices). To this day, I have still never seen any opera. So I wanted to do this just once to see how I might enjoy it.

A friend of mine who is over 40 told me she always meant to take advantage of the Under 40 tickets, but she had forgotten and alas, aged out. So she suggested I take advantage of it. I told her that I could actually get the tickets for both of us — we just had to agree on the show and a date, and I could even walk over to the box office to avoid the extra convenience surcharges. So we agreed to get tickets to Madama Butterfly in early January. I went to the box office this afternoon and asked for the Under 40 ticket pricing. And surprisingly, the agent gave me the paper tickets right away. I got confused since the policy online said they’d check my ID at Will-Call to ensure I was actually under 40. So I asked her about this.

“Oh, no. We don’t do that,” the agent said, laughing. “We actually are supposed to check your ID for your age when you purchase the tickets at the box office. But I took one look at you and thought, there’s no way this woman is over 40, so I believe you’re being honest!”

I laughed, thanked her, and went on my merry way. I’m finally taking advantage of the Under 40 Met tickets… for a show that is less than ten days before I actually turn 40. I told my friend about this encounter, and she told me that I could likely pull off being “under 40” for these discounted Met tickets for years and years to come!

Cooking for my new mama friend in Staten Island

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When my best friend told me she was pregnant earlier this year, I told her that after she gave birth, I would come over to cook for her. She expressed interest in all the Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) foods, the Chinese postpartum confinement meals, and I immediately got excited, thinking that I could come cook these things for her. When I gave birth and was recovering, I didn’t have anyone come cook for me. At that time, there was another COVID outbreak. My mom didn’t want to travel, and my aunt apologized to me multiple times for not being there to take care of me and cook for me, even though she’s not even my mother and not even my blood-related aunt. What my aunt did do, which I am still grateful for to this day, is she went out and bought and labeled all the ingredients for the Chinese chicken wine soup (ji jiu tang) she would have made for me. She bought the ingredients in quantities so large that I’d just run out of most of them just recently. She sent me instructions for how to make the soup. And since then I’ve made it a number of times and love it; it doesn’t even matter if you’re recovering from childbirth or not, but the soup itself is so soothing and comforting. It’s like a Chinese hug in a bowl. As I made this soup numerous times, I thought to myself — I’d love to make these types of dishes for a postpartum friend so that they can also have a hug in multiple bowls.

So, after taking a regular subway train, an express bus (for the first time ever — and I also just learned it’s not covered by my OMNY card; I had to pay $7 extra just to board this damn bus!), and then a quick $15 Uber ride, I was at my friend’s house in Staten Island. I had prepped a number of things leading up to this day to streamline cooking at her place. In her kitchen, I quickly made myself at home and made these dishes: multigrain congee (purple long grain rice, brown long grain jasmine, white short grain, and yellow mung beans, sweetened with a hint of rock sugar and flavored with a touch of ginger), pork rib and fig soup, braised “eggs hugging tofu” (jidan bao doufu), dang shen herbal tea, and hawthorn berry, longan, and cinnamon herbal tea. Yesterday night, I made stir-fried water spinach/morning glory/ong choy/kong xin cai with shrimp paste and packed it in a glassware. I also made a batch of lactation cookies with galactagogues; after my own breastfeeding journey, I honestly don’t believe in “galactagogues,” but who is going to say no to cookies?! I used the same recipe I used for myself that has oats, flaxseed, butter, coconut oil, and 70 percent Valrhona chocolate feves; this time I didn’t have brewer’s yeast, but I did throw in a handful of sliced almonds for extra protein. In Chinatown, I also picked up some “spongies,” or “paper wrapped sponge cakes” for her since I know she likes them.

It was a pain in the ass to get to her house in Staten Island to say the least. Her fiance had the stomach flu, so he wasn’t able to pick me up or drop me off at the ferry. I ended up having to take the express bus (on a tight schedule) and two Ubers (more money than I would have liked) to get there. I was also carrying quite a load of things on my back. So by the end of the day, I was pretty tired, and my shoulders were sore and tight from the weight I carried. All of that was annoying, but in the end, I didn’t mind it because it meant I got to cook for my friend. And I find meaning in helping her, in cooking for her, in nourishing her, and in making sure she feels loved and supported. There is meaning and purpose in doing all that to me. And while most people would never do something like this for a friend, even a close one, or someone who was not blood related, I think that most people in general want to do the easiest, laziest thing just to have more time for themselves to do things that are completely and utterly meaningless. It is so easy to send a baby gift, to attend a baby shower (it’s a party where you get free food!), to even send a DoorDash gift card or pay for someone else’s food delivery. All of the above acts, other than attending a shower, can be achieved in minutes and with just a few clicks of a keyboard or taps on your smartphone. What is not easy is traveling to your friend, who lives over 1.5 hours away from you by public transport, cleaning her kitchen, making her several home-cooked dishes and teas that you know she will like and savor, and cleaning all that up so she doesn’t have a mess left behind.

I think we really show the people in our lives we genuinely love and care for them when we do the things that are not easy, that actually require real thought, time, and effort. I was chatting with some colleagues about doing this for my friend this week, and they all commented and expressed how amazed they were that I’d do something like this; it’s odd to me because most of them know I love cooking, so it’s really not a strenuous effort on my part. I kind of shrugged. For me, as I stated above, this is meaningful. I want to spend time doing things that make me feel like I’m fulfilling a purpose and giving my life meaning. What do they spend time on that they find meaningful?

Ube pandesal at home does not resemble ube pandesal at the Filipino bakery

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Earlier this year on a Saturday, we went back to my original New York City neighborhood, Elmhurst, and stopped by a Filipino bakery called Kape’t Torta. They opened in 2019 just blocks away from my old apartment on Queens Boulevard. They’re known for their ube desserts, such as their ube layered cake, ube custard layered cake, and of course, their halo halo crushed ice drink/dessert. We picked up a couple of their ube pandesals, which I had heard of before but had never tried. I’d previously made a plain sweet pandesal bread roll before, but I’d never had an ube one. This was was extremely electric purple with a light, melty cheese filling on the inside. I figured I could try to make it at home at some point, so I made a mental note of it and moved on.

In May, I stopped by a Filipino grocery store in Staten Island, and I finally stumbled across 100 percent dehydrated ube powder imported from the Philippines – no artificial coloring, flavorings, or preservatives. I knew this was my opportunity to finally make ube pandesal, so I bought the packet.

Fast forward to this last week, and I was testing to see if a packet of dry active yeast was still active. Luckily for me, it was, so I decided this was my week to finally try making ube pandesal. I picked a random food blog and used their recipe, but unfortunately, my result was nothing like the photo. For one, the recipe blogger says that ube extract is “optional,” but when I see the color of my dough, it’s clear that the ube extract was needed for that electric purple color. My pale purple tinted dough didn’t come close to the blog pictures or the ube pandesal from Kape’t Torta. Plus, when I did some searches, I found out that ube extract did not just have artificial coloring, but it also had an enhanced “ube” flavor from artificial and “natural” flavorings, meaning that it wasn’t 100 pure, natural ube flavor. What I perceive to be “ube flavor” may in reality just be a bunch of artificial flavors made up in a lab. Then, my dough was much softer and wetter than it was supposed to be, so to compensate, I had to keep adding flour until the dough was kneadable. This resulted to a watering down of the overall ube and sweet flavor. So in the end, while the rise of the dough was beautiful, and while the pandesal rolls were light, fluffy, airy, and spongy, they did not have a bright electric purple color. They were also not filled with kaya jam as I originally hoped because the dough was just too soft to withstand a filling.

I’ve been cutting the ube “pandesal” rolls in half this week, warming them up lightly, and then filling them with kaya jam. I have grown to like these slightly yeasted, spongy glorified and enriched “pandesal” bread rolls that are lightly tinted purple. They are definitely light, airy, and fluffy. But they lack that “ube” flavor I know… from that ube extract that I never realized was always used. I thought about it and realized that what I romanticize as authentic “ube pandesal” may actually be authentic with dehydrated ube powder AND ube extract. The artificial coloring and flavoring from ube extract may be artificial, but that’s probably what contributes to the “authenticity” of these types of rolls in the Philippines. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing — it just is what it is.