Category Archives: Contemplations on New York Life

The Nor’easter that postponed this year’s AFSP Out of the Darkness Manhattan walk

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On our Wednesday evening Walk committee call, everyone was wondering about whether we should be postponing the Manhattan walk this Sunday given the weather report citing a Nor’easter on its way to us. For those who are not located in the northeast of the U.S., a “nor’easter” is a large-scale extratropical cyclone in the western North Atlantic Ocean. The name comes from the direction of the winds that blow from the northeast. Usually, storms like this go for over a hundred miles and can result in flight delays/cancellations, as well as large wind and flooding advisories. Every time you hear about this in the news, it’s probably a good idea to stay indoors and not be walking along a waterfront in lower Manhattan. On that evening, we said we would still have the event, rain or shine… until the city came to us and strongly advised us to postpone the walk until November 9 due to wind and flooding advisories. Since the Walk would be on the waterfront at Pier 16/17 at the Seaport, it was just too risky to put all of our volunteers and walkers in a potentially messy weather situation. It was likely a good call; I wasn’t sure how many people would come with the nor’easter in the weather report. Plus, this is actually Columbus Day/Indigenous People’s Day weekend, so many people who would have attended the walk were already planning to be out of town. We’ll be in town November 9, so when our co-chair called to let me know, I told him we’d still be at the postponed event next month.

All I could think when I saw the weather reports about the impending nor’easter was: how ridiculous is it that I’ve been participating in this same walk for the last 12 years, and this is the first year that weather is a problem. There were only two years when I was not physically there: the first was 2020 when the walk was completely virtual due to COVID-19 precautions. The second time was in 2022 when Chris and I had a communication snafu, and he booked an autumn Delaware road trip the same weekend as the Manhattan walk. So the one year I finally join the Walk committee and am officially volunteering at the event, it gets postponed due to weather. Oh well – c’est la vie.

Either way, we still had our usual Saturday outing. We spent the grey, drizzly day in Park Slope indulging in handmade campanelle pasta, a number of Chinese-French fusion pastries at our beloved Breadivore, and then admiring all the Halloween decorations already up at many of the neighborhood brownstones. Once the weather cleared up a bit later in the afternoon, Kaia spent time running and climbing at the huge Washington Park Playground in the ‘hood while I explored the tents at the fiber (yarn!) festival surrounding it. I’m still happy the walk is postponed as opposed to cancelled. I’m proud of the two TV segments I got to be on to represent AFSP and share why I walk. So regardless, this year’s participation is definitely a win for me personally — and the walk hasn’t even happened yet!

When OMNY card fails, mass pandemonium erupts, and two teenage boys save the day

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I went to pick up Kaia from school this late afternoon, and as usual, I walked her one block over from her school to the Grand Street B/D subway station so we could head home. Before I even got into the station, I knew something seemed off: there were huge crowds of people trying to get in. When we descended the stairs, something seemed very, very wrong: all of these people were trying to scan in with their OMNY cards to get through the turnstiles, and it just wasn’t working. All I saw were error messages and red flashes, indicating the turnstiles weren’t letting people in. I observed several people ahead of me, who tapped their OMNY cards so many times and failed that they gave up and just tapped their phones to pay because that looked like the only thing that worked for people. People were complaining loudly that OMNY cards weren’t being recognized; the MTA guy behind the counter was doing zilch to help (and sadly, even if he wanted to, he’d likely be powerless to help). I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. Everyone ahead of me only scanned in and got through because they tapped to pay. And I did NOT want to tap to pay. Chris already mentioned that OMNY had an outage earlier this week, which resulted in him having to renew our weekly pass one day earlier. We hate losing out on money we spent. When I finally reached the front of the turnstile, my card did not work. It wasn’t even registering that something was being scanned. I tapped it at least 10 times, and still nothing.

Kaia had no idea what was going on, so as per usual, she ducked under the turnstile ahead of me and started heading towards the stairs to the uptown track. I called out to her to wait for me. She kept looking back to see what was going on and even asked a few times, “What happened?” I continued calling out to her after tapping another 10 times (no exaggeration) to please wait for me. But then when I poked my head over to see her, I noticed there were two teenage boys — they could not have been any older than 15 — who were hovering over her and telling her to wait for her mommy. One of them tapped her shoulder and said, “You can’t go! You have to wait for mommy to come.” I was immediately so touched; they were watching over Kaia because they saw that I didn’t get through with my card, and they were concerned for her safety. I yelled out to thank them, but then also told Kaia to come back with me so I could figure out the card and not have to inconvenience the boys from getting to where they needed to go. She initially pouted but came, and then the boys went down the stairs to wait for the train. Maybe on the 21st or 22nd tap, my OMNY card finally (and luckily) registered, and I was able to get through. When we got down to the stairs to wait for the B/D going uptown, I saw the two boys again and thanked them profusely for looking out for Kaia while I was occupied. They waved me off and commented on how cute Kaia was.

As a person living in New York City for over 17 years, I have always believed that the vast majority of people here mean well and look out for others. I’ve had countless times when people have been incredibly kind to Kaia and me, and it’s always given me a little more faith and hope in humankind. Usually, though, when these kind moments have happened, it’s always been other adults, both men and women. But in this instance, it was two boys who were either pre-pubescent or just going through puberty who really shocked me with their maturity and concern. I don’t know who their parents are or what communities they have grown up in, but I just felt this deep gratitude to whoever raised them to be kind, caring, concerned citizens of the world. I wish I could have shared this story with their parents or caregivers, but I hope whoever they are that someone is telling them that they are doing a truly amazing job; their boys are truly good humans, and I have a feeling they will grow up to be truly good, well meaning men.

CBS News New York Livestream covering the AFSP Out of the Darkness Manhattan walk this Sunday

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After the live segment the AFSP Manhattan walk co-chair and I did on Saturday, we were informed yesterday that they’d like us to come back for the CBS News New York live stream. It was a bit chaotic in the last 24 hours because the date and time of recording kept changing; we weren’t sure if it was going to be filmed today or Friday. Plus, the volunteer manager and I (the ones who were asked this time) both have day jobs obviously, so we had to coordinate our work schedules on top of the changing filming schedule.

I arrived at the CBS Studio at 9:45 this morning and waited for our volunteer manager to arrive. When he did, we noticed that they had just sent the interview questions about thirty minutes before. And when we finally started recording at 10:15, I realized that the questions were not exactly what was shared. I was a bit thrown off and stumbled a little bit during one of my answers, but eventually picked myself up and kept speaking. I kept thinking to myself after: how funny it is that during the live segment, I spoke fairly well, yet during the pre-recorded taped segment, I stumbled! That was so annoying to me. We were reassured that because this was being taped and not airing live, we didn’t need to worry about any stumbles, that they would cut/edit it so we all looked and sounded good.

When we finished our segment, the director stopped filming. Cindy Hsu, the news anchor who interviewed us, is also on the board of AFSP, and she was really great to work with. She was warm and friendly as soon as we got on the stage. We made some small talk before and after about AFSP and our families. She took photos with us and also did a cute little social media video for each of us on her phone.

CBS News would also be present at the walk on Sunday, likely interviewing AFSP volunteers and participants every hour starting at 9am, and our executive director asked that I also speak with them there. I figure that will be a lot more ad hoc and casual since it will be at the event, and so I don’t have any pressure to look or feel polished. All in all, both TV experiences this week were completely unexpected a month ago, and it was a fun way to mix up my usual week to week routine. Now, I can always look back on this and say that I was on live and pre-recorded TV!

Play date in Greenpoint with Kaia and Hugo; On finding community

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I’m so happy that we’ve been able to find one parent with one child in this building who we not only get along with, but are willing to leave the general Upper West Side area. We planned this play date months ago after I’d told Hugo’s mother about Space Club in Greenpoint. Yesterday, we met them at a Japanese restaurant in the area that had a nice garden/outdoor seating area where the kids could run around and be silly. Then we walked over together to Space Club, where the kids had so much fun we had to drag them out at the end of our two-hour play time. Hugo’s mom wasn’t very keen on taking the train back into the city, so she suggested we catch the ferry from Greenpoint to 35th Street and FDR. Kaia got pretty excited at the idea of being on a boat, so I relented and we took the ferry back. Annoyingly. this ferry is not free, nor is it covered by OMNY card. But if you buy a 10-ride pass, it evens out to $2.90 per ride, which is the same cost as the subway. We got single rides, which cost $4.50 per adult, but that still seemed like a reasonable cost just for the experience of taking the ferry. The ride was over before we knew it!

We ended up spending almost six hours together today, so Hugo’s mom and I definitely talked quite a bit. I realized why she was so open to scheduling play dates with us: she told me that sometimes, she feels isolated being here because her life pre-child was just work, work, work. Most of her good friends are back home in Turkey, and she hasn’t been able to find or build a Turkish community here. She spends so much time working that when she isn’t working, she either wants to spend it traveling or simply with her son. So when she is able to make friends, it usually is with others who don’t have family nearby — people like me. She’s found that when people have family nearby in New York, they are less open to making friends with her and impossible to make plans with.

I empathize with her a lot. For years, I struggled to make friends living here outside of a tiny handful. I definitely do not have any “mommy/parent network” here the way so many others I know do in other cities/states/countries. In fact, other than her and a couple other friends in New York, that’s really all I have for a “parent network.” Now, I finally feel like I have a decent number of local friends who I genuinely like, enjoy being around with, and can be totally open with. This was not always the way it was.

But in some ways, chatting with her about this made me realize how far I’ve come. In the last number of years when I’ve met people that I find interesting or particularly kind, I just reach out to them and ask them to hang out. I have nothing to lose, right? If they say “yes,” great. And if they say “no,” meh; it’s their loss. But I guess that level of confidence really only comes with time and age. I’m also lucky to have a flexible work schedule where I am not married to my work. I’m happy that we’ve been able to sort of be friends, and I am even more thrilled that Kaia and Hugo have a mutual affection for each other.

When Kaia saw her mama on TV

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Yesterday when I left to get to the CBS studio in time for our live segment on AFSP, Kaia was just finishing up her Saturday morning gymnastics class. So Chris took her home and of course, he got the antenna set up with the TV to see if they could watch me on CBS New York live. Kaia got quite the surprise when she saw her mama on TV. Chris got a few videos and photos of Kaia watching me on the live segment. She kept pointing and poking at me when I was on the screen. Her fingers followed where I went. And she kept saying over and over, “Hi, Mummy! Hi, Mummy!” when she’d see me on the TV.

I know Kaia doesn’t know what her mama does for work or for volunteering quite yet; she’s still a bit young. But I do hope that she looks back at these photos and videos one day and is proud of what her mama did to honor her jiujiu’s life. When Chris’s photos and videos had synced in Google Photos of my being on TV and Kaia watching and touching me on the screen, my heart melted to see how excited my sweet baby was to see her mummy on the live TV. It was so heart warming for me. In some ways, it almost made me more proud to see her reaction than to see myself on the TV!

Having a child is a lot of work. Having a toddler is beyond tough with endless ups and downs. But these “ups” make it all so, so worth it, and they are what I live for.

CBS New York Live – AFSP NYC Walk

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At 9:55 sharp, I checked into CBS’s studio just 3.5 blocks away. And at 10:25am, we filmed for five minutes – no cuts, all live. And this was how it turned out. It was a good thing the AFSP ED asked me to prepare a “why” statement a few days in advance because that statement ended up being what I mentally referenced when I was on the stage speaking.

After checking in at the front desk of CBS News, an assistant escorted us up an elevator and through a maze of long, seemingly endless wide hallways with exposed wires of endless colors. It really felt like those “behind the scenes” shots where you see performers go down long hallways before getting on stage. After what seemed like ages, we finally got to a “waiting room” where there was a lit up sign that said “ON AIR.” Signs everywhere said to keep our voices down. The producer came out to briefly introduce himself, told us that the hosts would ask us these several questions (never shared with us ahead of time, but hey, this is live TV!), and then asked which of us would answer what question. He said everything was already behind schedule, apologized for his brevity and the fact that everything felt rushed, and then got each of our lapel mics set up on us. He tested the mics and made sure they looked good on us without having wiring exposed oddly (my dress was particularly annoying, for some reason…), and then said he’d be back in about two minutes to get us.

Just minutes later, we were escorted onto the stage, where we met Doug and Jenna, the news hosts. They warmly greeted us, and we ran through how to pronounce our names, confirmed our AFSP titles/positions, who was going to answer which questions, and then clarified which camera (of the FIVE) there were to look at, or who to look at when. Our co-chair Scott answered questions about who and what AFSP is, I answered questions about why I joined AFSP and why I continue to support and fundraise for it, as well as how to get involved. It all went by so fast that before we knew it, Jenna and Scott were already in the out-tro view, where they were discussing how to seek help if you need it. Once the director yelled “CUT!”, they thanked us for coming on and commended us for being so vulnerable in sharing our stories and wanting to help others. For news casters, I really felt both of them seemed genuine, warm, and kind, which wasn’t really how I imagined anyone regularly on TV being with regular everyday people like us.

The entire experience was so frantic, fast-paced, and tight, with pretty much zero notice of anything that was about to happen. I know I would never do well in TV production, much less live TV production. But even though it went by so quickly, it was a pretty fun and interesting experience to see how live news is filmed at a major broadcasting station like CBS. I felt really honored and privileged to have this experience as a Walk committee member, volunteer, and fundraiser; it’s not like I have a real leadership role at the NYC Chapter for AFSP, so I realize it was a rare opportunity for me to represent them and share my personal story; they definitely instilled their trust in me in this way. It felt really good to be open about losing Ed in a very open and public way, and the conversation we had live, though very brief, felt very conversational and natural, the way I’d have it if someone were to ask me about my involvement with AFSP or how Ed passed. Even though he’s no longer physically here, he still lives on through me and all that I do. And I will never stop sharing his story and how much I love and care for him, even long, long after his death. I don’t want Ed to have died in vain. I want his life and story to live on.

“It’s really amazing that you both do this,” Jenna said, as she walked us off the stage. “I hope this doesn’t sound trite, but I think your brother and your friends (Scott’s friends he lost to suicide) are looking down on you and feel so proud of the work you are doing and how you are choosing to honor their lives.”

I do hope that is true. I really hope so.

AFSP featured on CBS News Live – preparation

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About a month ago, the executive director of AFSP NYC asked if I’d be interested in representing AFSP in the media, so I agreed to it. She said it would include things like TV, newspaper, and magazine interviews. Given that the Manhattan walk is just over a week away, we’re trying to get the word out about the walk more, and we were able to get a segment on CBS News Live because Cindy Hsu from CBS is on AFSP’s board. Two of our co-chairs were not available for the recording timing, so our director asked the third co-chair plus me to represent. I’ve never had any experience being on TV, much less live TV, but I figured it would be a good experience. I’d learn something and get exposed to a world I know pretty much nothing about. In preparation for the media coverage bit, our ED asked me to prepare a “Why I walk and participate in AFSP” statement. She said it would be particularly powerful coming from me because I have now been fundraising for AFSP for 12 years now. So, with some thinking and assistance from ChatGPT to tighten my messaging, I came up with this:

My name is Yvonne Wong, and I’m proud to serve on the AFSP Out of the Darkness Manhattan Walk Committee as a volunteer and fundraiser. This year marks my 12th Out of the Darkness NYC Walk to fight suicide and save lives. Each year, I walk in honor of my big brother Ed, who I lost to suicide in July 2013 after a long struggle with depression and anxiety.

Living 3,000 miles away in New York while Ed was in San Francisco, I often felt helpless and unsure where to turn for support. When he went missing and was suddenly gone, I was overwhelmed by guilt, anger, and grief. I couldn’t understand why he had to die, or why our community hadn’t taken his suffering seriously. In searching for answers, I found AFSP, one of the few organizations that openly addresses suicide—not just mental health in vague terms—and creates spaces for honest conversations, connection, and healing. 

Since then, I’ve shared Ed’s story openly, year after year, through fundraising and community events. What started as a small gesture to honor his memory has grown into something that has felt transformative for me. People—friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers—have reached out to share their own experiences of loss and struggle; many of them confided in me and said I was the very first person they’d opened up to about their losses and struggles. Through AFSP, I found a community of understanding, hope, and connection. I can’t bring my brother back, but I can help ensure that others know they are not alone. AFSP has given me a way to heal and to help build a world where fewer families experience this kind of loss.

The one time my eyes got assaulted by onions in a restaurant

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I have always had a huge eye sensitivity to cut onions. Ever since I was little, even if I were in the kitchen while my mom cut onions, my eyes would water. The scientific reason that onions make us cry is that when the onion cells are damaged (via cutting/crushing), the onion releases enzymes that convert amino acids into a volatile gas, which then travels to your eyes, activating tear glands and causing them to produce tears as a protective response. Though scientifically, shallots have less of these sulfuric compounds than onions (they are smaller) that trigger tears, shallots are always miserable for me. I can’t even do a single slice of a darn shallot before my eyes are already watering. So whenever I cut onions, I try to make sure I am not wearing much or any eye makeup because it will always get ruined. And then I immediately need to wash all the cutting boards/surface areas that had onion juices to prevent my eyes getting re-triggered.

However, though I’ve eaten in many open kitchen-restaurant setups, I’ve never had this reaction in a restaurant. This has happened for me only in a home setting. So today, while we had an early dinner up in Kingsbridge, The Bronx, at Com Tam Ninh Kieu, an old Vietnamese favorite, out of nowhere, I could feel my tear glands getting triggered, and my eyes started watering like crazy. The kitchen was wide open, so you could see everything happening in it. It was a very familiar and uncomfortable feeling, and as soon as I felt it, I knew immediately that it was because of onions getting cut. Chris’s eyes even started watering. And then, Kaia’s eyes started visibly watering. She had no idea what was going on, but she started rubbing her eyes and then let out a few little whimpers of discomfort. She came over to me to try to cuddle and I wiped her eyes and covered them. I explained to her that all our eyes were watering because of onions! Right now, this meant nothing to her. But in the future when her understanding of the world grew, she’d understand!

I suppose onions are special because they have this effect on us. And unless I wear surgical goggles, I will likely always have this annoying reaction to them. Cutting onions is likely my most dreaded kitchen task. Even with a box mincer/cutter, my eyes still get exposed to the cut cells, so while it quickens my exposure, my eyes will still water! There is no solution!

The perks that are not always “perks”

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A friend of mine has been traveling the last week for a conference but wanted to meet up for lunch today, but he had a lot of meetings. So I offered to come to his neighborhood (Park Slope) to have lunch with him since I was more flexible today. Before I met him for lunch, I parked myself at a nearby cafe and enjoyed a latte while taking a work call and also doing some emails. I noticed that the back of the cafe had a pretty large outdoor seating/garden area that was partially covered and seemed like a pleasant place to catch up. When I met my friend and his wife at the Middle Eastern restaurant we planned to have lunch at, they also had a nice outdoor dining area in their backyard, so we requested to sit out there. As we chatted and ate, my friend got bitten by mosquitoes a couple times. Oddly enough, I was not bitten even once.

“I love these little cafes and restaurants with backyard seating!” I told my friends. “It’s always nice to eat outside when the weather is good.”

My friend, scratching his mosquito bites, told me that “outdoor seating” in Brooklyn is not as big of a perk as we want to think it is. He was told from other Brooklynites that it’s probably only very pleasant to dine outside in Brooklyn for about two months of the year. The rest of the time, it’s either too cold, or, in this case, there are so many mosquitoes that you will inevitably get bitten and be very itchy and unhappy after.

We like to romanticize all these living situations that we don’t have. And then when we get easy access to them, we realize that there is pretty much always a negative to every positive you can think of.

Commentary on the evolving definition of “etiquette” or “manners”

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I had two onsite meetings at the same company downtown today. So instead of my usual work-from-home routine, I actually had to get dressed to meet customers in person and was out the door this morning for in-person meetings starting at 11am. I try to get to onsite meetings well in advance of the actual start time for multiple reasons. First, as a sales leader I worked with at a previous company said, “If you are not fifteen minutes early, then you are fifteen minutes late.” Secondly, a lot of buildings have security protocol like government ID checks, bag scanners, metal detectors, etc., that they need to go through before they let you through their doors or into their elevator banks. And thirdly, it’s always good to get to a meeting early, feel composed, straighten out your shirt/wipe off sweat/use the restroom well in advance of the official start time. But when I met my three colleagues at the check-in desk today at 10:40, one of my colleagues had a look of disappointment on his face and asked if I had checked my email in the last two minutes. I had not. He told us that our main stakeholder, who had actually invited us to this onsite meeting, simply emailed and said he was not going to be in the office today, and gave the first name and phone number of the person who should get us in and check us through security.

All of us were shocked and dumbfounded. It was so rude to be told about 20 minutes ahead of an in-person meeting that our host would not be showing up. And for me, it was even more rude to a) not apologize, b) not give any reason for the sudden change in plan, or c) express zero remorse or regret. It was beyond ridiculous. Either way, we went ahead with our onsite meeting; 16 people ended up coming from their side, so it was certainly not a wasted effort. But the whole thing left a really bitter taste in my mouth and did not make me feel good about this person.

I later texted Chris to tell him what happened. And he said that yes, it was terrible, but it was not simply poor manners; it was just flat out unprofessional. This person has most likely done this with other professionals in his time in the workforce, so this would not be an isolated incident. It’s just really upsetting to hear that people actually think it’s okay to operate like this. It should not matter if it’s your boss, your peers, your vendor partners, your friends — this behavior should not be acceptable, period.

It made me think about the concept of “etiquette” or “manners,” and how people seem to be so loosey goosey and nonchalant about things like this today as though it’s not a big deal. And it reminded me of a conversation I had with my friend earlier this week, when she told me that she spent several hours writing out recommendations on how to change the pitch deck of her friend’s new organization (this would be fully unpaid work, done as a favor for her friend) given her work background… and the friend never thanked her or even gave an acknowledgment of receipt of the work. It really upset my friend, as this happened over two weeks ago, and she was still fuming about it.

Sometimes, I think I might be “getting old(er)” for even getting annoyed at things like this. But these things aren’t done by people younger than me; they are usually around my age or in this customer’s case, clearly much older. So it’s really not about age. It’s about a general lack of etiquette and sense of professionalism, or even common decency, that apparently we’re just supposed to “accept” today.