As part of our base requirements for our nanny, we ask if they are fully vaccinated for COVID-19 and willing to show their Covid vaccination card, if they are updated on their TDAP vaccine, as well as if they are certified in baby CPR. I have unfortunately made the mistake on a couple of calls and waited to confirm this until towards the end of the call. That wasted time. Now, I ask these questions upfront before proceeding with the call even though I originally wrote it in my text message to the nannies. Nannies are just like the rest of us: they do not always read your message in its entirety carefully before agreeing to meet over video chat. Tonight, the Nanny clearly did not read my message. She started by saying that she was fully vaccinated for Covid but is not certified in baby CPR. She says that nannies no longer do this and that families no longer ask that they do it. She insisted that it was not necessary and that it has never been an issue in the 20+ years that she has been a nanny. It’s always a danger sign when one nanny speaks for all nannies in in the entire industry. Because apparently, this nanny is aware of all other nannies and their professional development specifications, and they are also apparently aware of what all families ask of the nanny that they employ. 

And to add to how ridiculous this was, she looked me right in the eye over video and said that if I needed her to do this in order to be my baby’s nanny, I could pay for her baby CPR certification. I told her that that would not be necessary and that we would not be proceeding with the conversation. Then, I hung up. I left the room and went back into the living room. Chris commented how quickly the call ended. I told him what this person said. He understood. He was like, why would we pay for the professional development of someone that we haven’t even hired??

Yes, this is the bullshit that I am dealing with just to find someone competent to take care of my baby while I go back to work. What joy!

Finding a nanny has been harder than I expected, to say the least. I always knew that finding good childcare and particularly finding a nanny would be a challenge. However, I did not realize that I would encounter a lot of nannies that are demanding to an extent that I think is just unreasonable, not to mention nannies that just seem a bit presumptuous and flat out mean. I have had far too many video interviews with nannies over the last couple of weeks that really have proved to me that the nanny business is pretty much just like every other business in America: it is driven by money, and there is a large sense of entitlement here.  

I had one nanny go on a long rant for probably about 3 to 4 minutes at the beginning of our conversation where she complained about how a family who did a trial with her did not disclose that their child was a premature baby. She was so exacerbated by this when she arrived at their house because the baby was very small and had a weak suck. She got angry and said that these are the types of things that families should tell the nanny ahead of time. She says that she does not work with premature babies. They are supposedly just too high maintenance, too delicate, and she really doesn’t think that the nanny salary is enough to cover the amount of care that a premature baby requires. As far as I know, the only thing that a preemie baby needs that a full-term baby does not require is to have her bottles sterilized after every use, whereas a full-term baby can just have her bottles washed with soap and warm water. If the baby takes formula, the water used for her formula needs to be boiled and cooled before using to mix. I am not sure why she went on a rant just about this. I personally thought that she was an asshole for saying this, but hey, if she can be a nanny and have these types of judgments and prerequisites with her families, then all power to her. It was already a red flag when she was complaining about all her previous families and even her trial families, but the last straw of this conversation before I hung up was when she told me that she expects 100% cash payment not just for the trial, but also for all payments moving forward. This is definitely a no go. When I told her that we would require electronic payment, she literally laughed in my face and said, “Why? You need to document all of this?” It was as though she was mocking me.

I just want to find someone who is kind, warm, has a lot of energy, can follow instructions and be attentive to detail, and just loves and has a lot of experience with babies. Why is this such a challenge in the nanny search??

A nanny who seemed promising on Mommy Bites spent a good 40 minutes on the phone with me the other day. I wasn’t quite sure if I liked her or not, but thought she was competent enough to at least do a trial with. She also had extensive baby nurse background with her training and previous work, which to me sounded like a huge plus. What we were finding with nannies we were talking to and trialing is that most are rusty or just totally out of practice with babies specifically. She had a few red flags, though: she asked way too many questions about paid vacation vs. unpaid time off given Chris and I do not have our families nearby. She complained about families who decided out of the blue that the mom wanted to stay at home full time, or families who switched to daycare after just 6-8 months of having her as a full-time nanny (what, families aren’t allowed to change their minds…?!). She said she only had one reference she wanted me to call (I always ask for three and call all three). I’ve asked all nanny candidates to show me a copy of their COVID-19 vaccination card, and all have complied… until this one. When she said she wasn’t comfortable sharing it other than in person, I asked if she could show me her Excelsior pass since she’s a stranger, and I have to protect my family. This was her response:

“Hi yvonne I understand that you’re asking me for the code if I’m not quite understand but it’s all sound the same thing as asking for me to send a copy of the card, like I said in my text last night we can meet in person then you can see the copy of my vaccination card until then I do not give out my vaccination card to anyone unless I’m being hired . We decide to move forward I can say it when we meet in person . I know that you said that all the babysitters have done that and some of them do not know the right in a America.”

If you want to lecture me about your rights in America over text, I not only do not want to employ you; I want nothing to do with you at all, period.

I was prepared to get rejected by a nanny at some point. I just didn’t think it would be this soon. This morning, as I was on another call screening another potential nanny candidate, Eroline, the nanny who rejected us, texted me. I was curious why she was texting, so after I got off the call, I looked at her message, which read like this:

“Good morning Yvonne i hope Kaya gum is feeling much better today. And all of you are in good health this wanderful morning. I forgot to tell you why i chose the other family they are willing to pay my tax. As it said in the Bible gives back to  Caesar . I wish you all the best my love. Agape ❤🙏”

So, while she originally told me over the phone that she chose the other family because she prayed to Jehovah, who pointed her in the direction of the other family, the REAL reason she chose the other family was that they were willing to compensate her the difference to ensure that her take home pay was higher than she originally asked to get paid. This is just what really religious people do: they use religion as an excuse for their actions when the real reason that motivates them is what motivates most human beings in a capitalist society: MONEY.

I don’t like to play games. I don’t enjoy bidding wars. If you want to get paid something, just say that’s your rate. If someone tells me her rate is $20/hour, I go with exactly that and pay her $20/hour. I’m not sitting there, noodling over whether I should proactively offer $21 or $22/hour to “win” her over. I hate that crap. I’m not a mind reader. Just be upfront about what you want! When did clear communication become so difficult?!

Today’s trial ended after an hour. I sent this trial nanny on her merry way home with a $20 bill.

We agreed to a full day trial from 10am to 8pm. I texted her to confirm all the details and debriefed all the expectations on a call. I asked her if she had any questions. She said she was good to go.

She arrived promptly at 10am and seemed very stiff. After giving her a tour of the apartment, she told me that she needs to leave by 6pm; if she were to stay until 8pm, we’d need to pay for her cab ride back home to Far Rockaway. “This area is dangerous, and a lot of bad things are happening with the train,” she said.

Ummmm, I told her that we agreed to have her stay until 8pm. She said it was fine originally. It clearly wasn’t, yet she didn’t want to tell me that over the phone. I was not paying for her cab ride home. And I did not appreciate her lack of communication.

Clearly Kaia was not a fan. She is always happy after her 10am feed, yet with this trial nanny, she cried endlessly until I took her from the woman. The trial nanny said my baby just doesn’t like her because she’s a stranger.

No, my baby does not get stranger danger. She’s way too young for that. She lets everyone hold her.

I told the trial nanny that clear communication was key, and that she definitely was not going to be a fit because of this, and that she should leave. She washed the bottle she fed Kaia with, used the bathroom, took my $20 bill, and left.

We’re already 0 for 2 now. This is going to be a very, very painful process.

“Babies sense when there are bad people around,” my friend said. “Kaia probably knew this nanny was bad.”

Probably. That’s a good baby.

After the first nanny trial did not go well, I told my friend, who I made plans to see downtown on Tuesday during our second trial, that I probably was not going to be able to meet her that far away. I needed to be closer and only run quick errands when the trials were happening in order to observe and make notes on what was good and bad.

One of the nannies is being a little annoying. I asked her if we could schedule a quick call to debrief on expectations for Saturday, when she is scheduled to come. She kept saying how busy she was between other interviews and said she’d try to call me when she was free. She texted late last night to ask if I was free; I was in bed, and there was no way I was getting out to talk to her. Is she constantly telling me about her other interviews as a way to prep me for a potential bidding war on her?

I’m NOT dealing with a bidding war on a nanny. There is no way I’m going to allow something like that to happen. The wage she asked for is what we are sticking with.