Category Archives: Contemplations on New York Life

Play date in Greenpoint with Kaia and Hugo; On finding community

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I’m so happy that we’ve been able to find one parent with one child in this building who we not only get along with, but are willing to leave the general Upper West Side area. We planned this play date months ago after I’d told Hugo’s mother about Space Club in Greenpoint. Yesterday, we met them at a Japanese restaurant in the area that had a nice garden/outdoor seating area where the kids could run around and be silly. Then we walked over together to Space Club, where the kids had so much fun we had to drag them out at the end of our two-hour play time. Hugo’s mom wasn’t very keen on taking the train back into the city, so she suggested we catch the ferry from Greenpoint to 35th Street and FDR. Kaia got pretty excited at the idea of being on a boat, so I relented and we took the ferry back. Annoyingly. this ferry is not free, nor is it covered by OMNY card. But if you buy a 10-ride pass, it evens out to $2.90 per ride, which is the same cost as the subway. We got single rides, which cost $4.50 per adult, but that still seemed like a reasonable cost just for the experience of taking the ferry. The ride was over before we knew it!

We ended up spending almost six hours together today, so Hugo’s mom and I definitely talked quite a bit. I realized why she was so open to scheduling play dates with us: she told me that sometimes, she feels isolated being here because her life pre-child was just work, work, work. Most of her good friends are back home in Turkey, and she hasn’t been able to find or build a Turkish community here. She spends so much time working that when she isn’t working, she either wants to spend it traveling or simply with her son. So when she is able to make friends, it usually is with others who don’t have family nearby — people like me. She’s found that when people have family nearby in New York, they are less open to making friends with her and impossible to make plans with.

I empathize with her a lot. For years, I struggled to make friends living here outside of a tiny handful. I definitely do not have any “mommy/parent network” here the way so many others I know do in other cities/states/countries. In fact, other than her and a couple other friends in New York, that’s really all I have for a “parent network.” Now, I finally feel like I have a decent number of local friends who I genuinely like, enjoy being around with, and can be totally open with. This was not always the way it was.

But in some ways, chatting with her about this made me realize how far I’ve come. In the last number of years when I’ve met people that I find interesting or particularly kind, I just reach out to them and ask them to hang out. I have nothing to lose, right? If they say “yes,” great. And if they say “no,” meh; it’s their loss. But I guess that level of confidence really only comes with time and age. I’m also lucky to have a flexible work schedule where I am not married to my work. I’m happy that we’ve been able to sort of be friends, and I am even more thrilled that Kaia and Hugo have a mutual affection for each other.

When Kaia saw her mama on TV

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Yesterday when I left to get to the CBS studio in time for our live segment on AFSP, Kaia was just finishing up her Saturday morning gymnastics class. So Chris took her home and of course, he got the antenna set up with the TV to see if they could watch me on CBS New York live. Kaia got quite the surprise when she saw her mama on TV. Chris got a few videos and photos of Kaia watching me on the live segment. She kept pointing and poking at me when I was on the screen. Her fingers followed where I went. And she kept saying over and over, “Hi, Mummy! Hi, Mummy!” when she’d see me on the TV.

I know Kaia doesn’t know what her mama does for work or for volunteering quite yet; she’s still a bit young. But I do hope that she looks back at these photos and videos one day and is proud of what her mama did to honor her jiujiu’s life. When Chris’s photos and videos had synced in Google Photos of my being on TV and Kaia watching and touching me on the screen, my heart melted to see how excited my sweet baby was to see her mummy on the live TV. It was so heart warming for me. In some ways, it almost made me more proud to see her reaction than to see myself on the TV!

Having a child is a lot of work. Having a toddler is beyond tough with endless ups and downs. But these “ups” make it all so, so worth it, and they are what I live for.

CBS New York Live – AFSP NYC Walk

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At 9:55 sharp, I checked into CBS’s studio just 3.5 blocks away. And at 10:25am, we filmed for five minutes – no cuts, all live. And this was how it turned out. It was a good thing the AFSP ED asked me to prepare a “why” statement a few days in advance because that statement ended up being what I mentally referenced when I was on the stage speaking.

After checking in at the front desk of CBS News, an assistant escorted us up an elevator and through a maze of long, seemingly endless wide hallways with exposed wires of endless colors. It really felt like those “behind the scenes” shots where you see performers go down long hallways before getting on stage. After what seemed like ages, we finally got to a “waiting room” where there was a lit up sign that said “ON AIR.” Signs everywhere said to keep our voices down. The producer came out to briefly introduce himself, told us that the hosts would ask us these several questions (never shared with us ahead of time, but hey, this is live TV!), and then asked which of us would answer what question. He said everything was already behind schedule, apologized for his brevity and the fact that everything felt rushed, and then got each of our lapel mics set up on us. He tested the mics and made sure they looked good on us without having wiring exposed oddly (my dress was particularly annoying, for some reason…), and then said he’d be back in about two minutes to get us.

Just minutes later, we were escorted onto the stage, where we met Doug and Jenna, the news hosts. They warmly greeted us, and we ran through how to pronounce our names, confirmed our AFSP titles/positions, who was going to answer which questions, and then clarified which camera (of the FIVE) there were to look at, or who to look at when. Our co-chair Scott answered questions about who and what AFSP is, I answered questions about why I joined AFSP and why I continue to support and fundraise for it, as well as how to get involved. It all went by so fast that before we knew it, Jenna and Scott were already in the out-tro view, where they were discussing how to seek help if you need it. Once the director yelled “CUT!”, they thanked us for coming on and commended us for being so vulnerable in sharing our stories and wanting to help others. For news casters, I really felt both of them seemed genuine, warm, and kind, which wasn’t really how I imagined anyone regularly on TV being with regular everyday people like us.

The entire experience was so frantic, fast-paced, and tight, with pretty much zero notice of anything that was about to happen. I know I would never do well in TV production, much less live TV production. But even though it went by so quickly, it was a pretty fun and interesting experience to see how live news is filmed at a major broadcasting station like CBS. I felt really honored and privileged to have this experience as a Walk committee member, volunteer, and fundraiser; it’s not like I have a real leadership role at the NYC Chapter for AFSP, so I realize it was a rare opportunity for me to represent them and share my personal story; they definitely instilled their trust in me in this way. It felt really good to be open about losing Ed in a very open and public way, and the conversation we had live, though very brief, felt very conversational and natural, the way I’d have it if someone were to ask me about my involvement with AFSP or how Ed passed. Even though he’s no longer physically here, he still lives on through me and all that I do. And I will never stop sharing his story and how much I love and care for him, even long, long after his death. I don’t want Ed to have died in vain. I want his life and story to live on.

“It’s really amazing that you both do this,” Jenna said, as she walked us off the stage. “I hope this doesn’t sound trite, but I think your brother and your friends (Scott’s friends he lost to suicide) are looking down on you and feel so proud of the work you are doing and how you are choosing to honor their lives.”

I do hope that is true. I really hope so.

AFSP featured on CBS News Live – preparation

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About a month ago, the executive director of AFSP NYC asked if I’d be interested in representing AFSP in the media, so I agreed to it. She said it would include things like TV, newspaper, and magazine interviews. Given that the Manhattan walk is just over a week away, we’re trying to get the word out about the walk more, and we were able to get a segment on CBS News Live because Cindy Hsu from CBS is on AFSP’s board. Two of our co-chairs were not available for the recording timing, so our director asked the third co-chair plus me to represent. I’ve never had any experience being on TV, much less live TV, but I figured it would be a good experience. I’d learn something and get exposed to a world I know pretty much nothing about. In preparation for the media coverage bit, our ED asked me to prepare a “Why I walk and participate in AFSP” statement. She said it would be particularly powerful coming from me because I have now been fundraising for AFSP for 12 years now. So, with some thinking and assistance from ChatGPT to tighten my messaging, I came up with this:

My name is Yvonne Wong, and I’m proud to serve on the AFSP Out of the Darkness Manhattan Walk Committee as a volunteer and fundraiser. This year marks my 12th Out of the Darkness NYC Walk to fight suicide and save lives. Each year, I walk in honor of my big brother Ed, who I lost to suicide in July 2013 after a long struggle with depression and anxiety.

Living 3,000 miles away in New York while Ed was in San Francisco, I often felt helpless and unsure where to turn for support. When he went missing and was suddenly gone, I was overwhelmed by guilt, anger, and grief. I couldn’t understand why he had to die, or why our community hadn’t taken his suffering seriously. In searching for answers, I found AFSP, one of the few organizations that openly addresses suicide—not just mental health in vague terms—and creates spaces for honest conversations, connection, and healing. 

Since then, I’ve shared Ed’s story openly, year after year, through fundraising and community events. What started as a small gesture to honor his memory has grown into something that has felt transformative for me. People—friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers—have reached out to share their own experiences of loss and struggle; many of them confided in me and said I was the very first person they’d opened up to about their losses and struggles. Through AFSP, I found a community of understanding, hope, and connection. I can’t bring my brother back, but I can help ensure that others know they are not alone. AFSP has given me a way to heal and to help build a world where fewer families experience this kind of loss.

The one time my eyes got assaulted by onions in a restaurant

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I have always had a huge eye sensitivity to cut onions. Ever since I was little, even if I were in the kitchen while my mom cut onions, my eyes would water. The scientific reason that onions make us cry is that when the onion cells are damaged (via cutting/crushing), the onion releases enzymes that convert amino acids into a volatile gas, which then travels to your eyes, activating tear glands and causing them to produce tears as a protective response. Though scientifically, shallots have less of these sulfuric compounds than onions (they are smaller) that trigger tears, shallots are always miserable for me. I can’t even do a single slice of a darn shallot before my eyes are already watering. So whenever I cut onions, I try to make sure I am not wearing much or any eye makeup because it will always get ruined. And then I immediately need to wash all the cutting boards/surface areas that had onion juices to prevent my eyes getting re-triggered.

However, though I’ve eaten in many open kitchen-restaurant setups, I’ve never had this reaction in a restaurant. This has happened for me only in a home setting. So today, while we had an early dinner up in Kingsbridge, The Bronx, at Com Tam Ninh Kieu, an old Vietnamese favorite, out of nowhere, I could feel my tear glands getting triggered, and my eyes started watering like crazy. The kitchen was wide open, so you could see everything happening in it. It was a very familiar and uncomfortable feeling, and as soon as I felt it, I knew immediately that it was because of onions getting cut. Chris’s eyes even started watering. And then, Kaia’s eyes started visibly watering. She had no idea what was going on, but she started rubbing her eyes and then let out a few little whimpers of discomfort. She came over to me to try to cuddle and I wiped her eyes and covered them. I explained to her that all our eyes were watering because of onions! Right now, this meant nothing to her. But in the future when her understanding of the world grew, she’d understand!

I suppose onions are special because they have this effect on us. And unless I wear surgical goggles, I will likely always have this annoying reaction to them. Cutting onions is likely my most dreaded kitchen task. Even with a box mincer/cutter, my eyes still get exposed to the cut cells, so while it quickens my exposure, my eyes will still water! There is no solution!

The perks that are not always “perks”

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A friend of mine has been traveling the last week for a conference but wanted to meet up for lunch today, but he had a lot of meetings. So I offered to come to his neighborhood (Park Slope) to have lunch with him since I was more flexible today. Before I met him for lunch, I parked myself at a nearby cafe and enjoyed a latte while taking a work call and also doing some emails. I noticed that the back of the cafe had a pretty large outdoor seating/garden area that was partially covered and seemed like a pleasant place to catch up. When I met my friend and his wife at the Middle Eastern restaurant we planned to have lunch at, they also had a nice outdoor dining area in their backyard, so we requested to sit out there. As we chatted and ate, my friend got bitten by mosquitoes a couple times. Oddly enough, I was not bitten even once.

“I love these little cafes and restaurants with backyard seating!” I told my friends. “It’s always nice to eat outside when the weather is good.”

My friend, scratching his mosquito bites, told me that “outdoor seating” in Brooklyn is not as big of a perk as we want to think it is. He was told from other Brooklynites that it’s probably only very pleasant to dine outside in Brooklyn for about two months of the year. The rest of the time, it’s either too cold, or, in this case, there are so many mosquitoes that you will inevitably get bitten and be very itchy and unhappy after.

We like to romanticize all these living situations that we don’t have. And then when we get easy access to them, we realize that there is pretty much always a negative to every positive you can think of.

Commentary on the evolving definition of “etiquette” or “manners”

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I had two onsite meetings at the same company downtown today. So instead of my usual work-from-home routine, I actually had to get dressed to meet customers in person and was out the door this morning for in-person meetings starting at 11am. I try to get to onsite meetings well in advance of the actual start time for multiple reasons. First, as a sales leader I worked with at a previous company said, “If you are not fifteen minutes early, then you are fifteen minutes late.” Secondly, a lot of buildings have security protocol like government ID checks, bag scanners, metal detectors, etc., that they need to go through before they let you through their doors or into their elevator banks. And thirdly, it’s always good to get to a meeting early, feel composed, straighten out your shirt/wipe off sweat/use the restroom well in advance of the official start time. But when I met my three colleagues at the check-in desk today at 10:40, one of my colleagues had a look of disappointment on his face and asked if I had checked my email in the last two minutes. I had not. He told us that our main stakeholder, who had actually invited us to this onsite meeting, simply emailed and said he was not going to be in the office today, and gave the first name and phone number of the person who should get us in and check us through security.

All of us were shocked and dumbfounded. It was so rude to be told about 20 minutes ahead of an in-person meeting that our host would not be showing up. And for me, it was even more rude to a) not apologize, b) not give any reason for the sudden change in plan, or c) express zero remorse or regret. It was beyond ridiculous. Either way, we went ahead with our onsite meeting; 16 people ended up coming from their side, so it was certainly not a wasted effort. But the whole thing left a really bitter taste in my mouth and did not make me feel good about this person.

I later texted Chris to tell him what happened. And he said that yes, it was terrible, but it was not simply poor manners; it was just flat out unprofessional. This person has most likely done this with other professionals in his time in the workforce, so this would not be an isolated incident. It’s just really upsetting to hear that people actually think it’s okay to operate like this. It should not matter if it’s your boss, your peers, your vendor partners, your friends — this behavior should not be acceptable, period.

It made me think about the concept of “etiquette” or “manners,” and how people seem to be so loosey goosey and nonchalant about things like this today as though it’s not a big deal. And it reminded me of a conversation I had with my friend earlier this week, when she told me that she spent several hours writing out recommendations on how to change the pitch deck of her friend’s new organization (this would be fully unpaid work, done as a favor for her friend) given her work background… and the friend never thanked her or even gave an acknowledgment of receipt of the work. It really upset my friend, as this happened over two weeks ago, and she was still fuming about it.

Sometimes, I think I might be “getting old(er)” for even getting annoyed at things like this. But these things aren’t done by people younger than me; they are usually around my age or in this customer’s case, clearly much older. So it’s really not about age. It’s about a general lack of etiquette and sense of professionalism, or even common decency, that apparently we’re just supposed to “accept” today.

The rarity of comfortable sit-down cafes and bakeries in Manhattan Chinatown

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Because I work from a coworking space in SoHo about once a week and Kaia goes to school in Chinatown, I get asked often what good sit-down cafes and bakeries there are in the area. In Chinatown, SoHo, and NoLita, this is especially challenging since rents are expensive downtown, and thus space is very tight. There are endless amazing Chinese bakeries and bubble tea shops in Chinatown, but the issue with the vast majority of them is that there is either extremely limited or no seating at all. The majority of them do not have a restroom. There are even tiny eateries that have no restrooms (and legally, they don’t need to provide one unless they seat 20 people or over). So I can recommend endless takeaway spots, but only a small handful of good sit-down cafes and bakeries; and always an added bonus if they provide WiFi in case I have to work for a bit before I pick up Kaia.

Because of this, I was pretty excited when I was walking along Grand Street and found out a brand new matcha place was opening called Isshiki Matcha. They have a matcha stand in Chelsea, plus a small sit-down location in East Village, but this space was really huge. They have bar-like counter seating, high tops, as well as tables where you can sit and catch up with others over a matcha. It looks like at night, they even convert into a bar and do matcha cocktails and wine. They have indoor and outdoor seating, WiFi, and a huge perk: they have a bathroom that is not only clean but spacious! This is definitely going to go on my list of regular catch-up spots for the area. I met a friend here for matcha (I had a hojicha latte), and service was fast and friendly, and the seating was very comfortable. I’m excited that the newer places opening up in Chinatown have seating and sometimes even a bathroom. We need more comfortable spaces to catch up!

Play date at the Brooklyn Children’s Museum

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Today, I took Kaia out to Brooklyn for lunch with a former classmate at her school plus her mom, then the Brooklyn Children’s Museum (on my Culture Pass, which got all of us in for free!). Kaia was so upset when a lot of her old classmates did not show up this school year, and it was hard to explain to her that many had moved onto different schools because they were a year older and thus starting kindergarten. This classmate was one of them. She even identified this classmate, Eliza, by name, and said she wanted to see her again. Luckily, Eliza’s mom was very friendly over the last school year, and we exchanged numbers before Eliza started kindergarten. We organized this play date a few weeks ago, so Kaia was eagerly awaiting this day for weeks now.

I knew Pookster was very excited about seeing Eliza again because on the entire train ride to the restaurant, she didn’t want any snacks at all. She simply kept looking out the window, saying over and over that she was waiting to see her friend Eliza in Brooklyn. And when we finally did meet with them, they both shrieked each other’s names over and over, jumped up and down, danced, and kept hugging each other and holding each other’s hands.

It was one of those moments as a mother that I could almost physically feel my heart swelling to witness these two girls get so excited and be singing with joy that they were reunited. I was so happy to witness their joy that I didn’t even remember to record it. But at least I have a couple photos of the tail end to document this love.

Over lunch, Eliza’s mom and I talked about how hard it was, annoyingly, to make friends and do play dates with other parents in this city. She is a New York native, born, raised, and still living in Manhattan, and she herself admits it’s been a struggle to make other parent friends and arrange play dates for her daughter. I always wondered if it was just a New York City thing since my friends in other cities out in Long Island, in San Francisco, and Boston have said they haven’t encountered the same challenges. In general, people are just “weird,” she said.

Eliza and her mom are nice, and while Eliza and Kaia get along, I also get along with Eliza’s mom. So I hope we can do more play dates in the future. It’s always nice to have other nearby mom friends who have kids of a similar age.

“Focus on what we can control and influence”

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Participating in the workforce and working for someone else is probably one of the most frustrating, infuriating, and annoying roller coasters a person can ever experience. And a lot of the time, I wonder if it’s all even really worth it. My dad always told me that the best thing you can do is to work for yourself because then, you don’t have to answer to anyone else. While it can be liberating to not have to answer to anyone, that also comes with immense pressure and responsibility that not all of us can handle… and not all of us frankly have the skill and ability to do. When he used to say this, especially after I became an adult, graduated from college, and entered the workforce, I always thought, but never said out loud to him, that I actually admired that he was skilled enough to make this leap for himself… because I don’t think I was ever brave (or creative or skilled) enough to do this for myself.

I was supposed to have a relatively relaxing day at the coworking space today. I originally had two meetings on my calendar and blocked off some time to work on some slides. And then suddenly, I got some bad news that came crashing down, and it was all hands on deck trying to figure out how to remedy a customer situation. I could not even believe how frustrated and angry I got, and I was even more pissed that this had to happen on a Friday at midday. A few colleagues and I were ranting about it, and everyone kept on repeating the same thing to try to ground ourselves: “focus on what we can control and influence.”

So much of what happens at work, with colleagues, customers, projects, data — is out of our control. We try to create narratives that this deal or opportunity happened because I did x, y, and z, and that person did a, b, and c. But chance and luck are very much in there as invisible drivers. People don’t like to openly acknowledge that, though, because unfortunately, we cannot replicate or quantify chance or luck. So in times like this, I just want to escape and do things that help me mentally escape. Tonight, I ended up double boiling and heat aerating a pot of chai. I added extra ginger because I figured I could use the extra spice. I find the process of making chai very meditative, and I can attribute that to watching many “chai meditation” Instagram Stories that Sunny from The Chai Box records every single morning. I used to watch her chai double boiling and meditation almost every morning when I was on maternity leave, and I always looked forward to it. And now, I still do it when I want a little mini escape.

Work can really suck. But chai meditation always helps.