Category Archives: Contemplations on New York Life

Kaia’s last day of Pre-K and the red envelope handout

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Here in the U.S., where teachers are generally under appreciated and underpaid, especially if they are in the public system, it’s kind of semi-expected and customary to give teachers gifts, whether that is around the December holiday period, Teacher Appreciation Week, or at the end of a school year. Since this is Kaia’s last school year at this school, we thought it would be a good idea not just to give cards to her teachers and the admin, but also to the cook/cleaner, and to the doorman at her school building. They all play a part in helping the school run and thrive, and so we wanted to thank them for their support and kindness.

Given Kaia is 4.5 years old now, she knew what I was doing and that I was handing out envelopes to the teachers. And while she knew this, she didn’t mind that I was handing out the envelopes to the teachers. BUT, she insisted on handing Ah Gong, the doorman, his red envelope. So we went downstairs after signing in just to have her hand the envelope to him. Ah Gong was shocked and flattered. They gave each other high-fives, and Kaia was super excited.

Ah Gong remarked how cute, smart, and mature she was. It’s strange to think that after summer camp ends in August, we will no longer be seeing Ah Gong every day, even in just casual acquaintance. But I guess all these everyday people you have even the smallest interactions with do play some parts in your life, and their kindnesses will be remembered.

Cleaning out the fridge before travel

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Some things I always do before we leave on a trip are 1) clean out and use up all produce / perishables in the fridge/on the counter (NO WASTE), 2) clean all sinks, toilets, and bathroom/kitchen floors before we leave (to ensure I am coming home to a clean slate), and 3) run a load of laundry so that we don’t have dirty clothes on top of more dirty clothes from travel to do when we come back home. That also means clearing all our used bath and kitchen towels and ensuring all clean ones are on the racks when we get home. It’s another extra step, but it also means that when we get home, things are calmer and I don’t have to think about refreshing anything — it’s already done! I also make sure all the trash bins are cleared out and lined with new plastic bags — no one wants rotting trash in their house while they’re gone!

One thing that is slightly different this time when preparing to be away for about two weeks is that Chris decided it would be a good idea to have about a dozen Ataulfo mangoes and a pineapple our last week in town. All the mangoes started ripening at the same time, along with a very, very ready pineapple, so I ended up peeling and cutting nine mangoes and an entire pineapple today, with three more mangoes, a kiwi, and a nectarine to go for cutting tomorrow! Whatever we do not eat (which will be the majority!) will go into a freezer-safe ziplock bag into the freezer. And that fruit will inevitably get thrown into smoothies, shakes, or popsicles for Pookie when we get back home. I usually tell Chris he has to be the fruit manager who checks on ripening fruit, but before family trips, I end up being the ultimate fruit manager doing all the manual work!

Mangoes from the Dominican Republic

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In the U.S., the majority of the mangoes we can get here are imported from Mexico. They are usually either the Kent or Ataulfo varieties. There are also a few varieties I’ve heard of that are grown in Florida, but they are not widely available depending on where in the country you are, and either way, Florida has never been impressive to me when it comes to fruit. For example, when people talk about Florida oranges (okay, the rare times they do), I always roll my eyes on the inside; I think we all are aware that California navel oranges in the U.S. are the best when it comes to pure flavor nuance and sweetness, both for eating and drinking!

Every year as March rolls around, Chris gets excited as a mango lover as Ataulfo mangoes become readily available. Whole Foods usually has large stocks of these small yellow mangoes, which we always have a large supply of at home, ripening while socially distanced at our window sill. Mangoes are always, always at our place from March through July. This is generally when the Ataulfo mango season is.

So when some friends came over on Saturday and brought us some Dominican Mingolo mangoes from a Dominican market near them in Brooklyn, I was intrigued. These were larger, fatter, and heavier. The fragrance was evident as soon as you held one up to your nose. And they seemed quite ripe already! I cut them, and given they were so ripe, most were peeled and then disintegrated into some mango mush. While it isn’t as firm as Ataulfos, these Mingolos tasted a bit more tropical, more tart-sweet than Ataulfos, and were definitely far more juicy. I think they would be really good in desserts or just simple shakes with some added ice.

And the added bonus: once Ataulfos go out of season in July, Mingolos are supposedly still available (usually at Dominican markets across the city) until end of August! So if we are lucky and can source some from Dominican neighborhoods, we can still keep eating mangoes through the end of summer!

Golden Mall at FiDi

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Once upon a time, the Financial District was not a fun place to be at all. It was a place you went to and from work. It was an area of the city you’d go shopping at famous discount mega stores like Century 21. It was also a destination to see the New York Stock Exchange and of course, the famous Wall Street bull (and get a photo op!). I still remember once I went down there on a Sunday night in my early 20s to have dinner at a friend’s place. She was living in a luxury high rise in the heart of FiDi. And it was so incredibly eerie and quiet while walking from the subway to her place and back that I sped-walked both ways, wondering what lurked in the corners. The whole area on a late Sunday night gave me the heeby-jeebies.

That was circa 2008-2010, my early years living in New York City. Now in 2026, there’s a Printemps department store from Paris, a Los Tacos No. 1 outpost, a huge Whole Foods, an excellent Uighur style restaurant, and lots of delicious regional Chinese restaurants. We also have the much awaited opening of the Golden Mall, which is an extension and recreation of the famous, divey Golden Mall in Flushing, Queens, one that really recreated a lot of the hole-in-the-wall/mass eateries that I once remember frequenting when I was in China in 2006. The food was region-specific, authentic, and dirt cheap. Here, of course, the food isn’t dirt cheap since everything in Manhattan is expensive, and FiDi is no exception. Golden Mall FiDi just opened a few weeks ago, and so far, the line-up looks really good: They have Lou Yau Kee opening, of the original Hainanese chicken rice consultants to the beloved Urban Hawker Center in Midtown Manhattan; we have Good Coconut, a fresh coconut juice/pudding spot, Prawnaholic, also originally of Urban Hawker. And Joju, the Vietnamese sandwich spot originally from my original hood of Elmhurst, is also opening an outpost here (they wanted to match the quality of bread at the REAL banh mi OG in Brooklyn — Ba Xuyen!!). My friend and I met here to catch up over Xing Fu Tang bubble tea, and she also had some braised beef hand pulled noodles at a sparkly new Lanzhou-style hand-pulled noodle stall. It looked and smelled delicious and authentic.

Every neighborhood is evolving and changing. Some like FiDi are becoming more fancy… and more Asian. And I’m all for that!

Kids’ birthday parties at playgrounds and the fun question I got when I arrived

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My neighbor friend let me know that her friend’s daughter was having her fifth birthday party at a local playground just half a block away today, so she suggested that I bring Kaia. I had met this friend and her daughter two months ago at my neighbor friend’s son’s birthday party, so I had previously met them. I told her I wasn’t sure we should come given it was a birthday party, and we didn’t know them that well and weren’t explicitly invited. But she insisted, saying it was a public playground and open to all, and she was sure her friend would be glad to welcome us. My friend said it would be a good last opportunity for both our kids, who adore each other, to play together this month before we go on our respective summer trips.

So just after 3pm today, I brought Kaia to the playground. We saw the picnic tables covered with endless food, snacks, drinks, and decorations. The area was streamed with banners, huge prints, and balloons. We came over to say hello to the mom, and we made some small talk. Her daughter, the five-year-old celebrating her birthday, also came over, and she had a very large frown on her face as she sized Kaia and me up.

The mom asked her to say hi to us as we wished her a happy birthday. The girl looked us up and down and then down and up, wrinkled her brow, and finally said, “So, you didn’t bring a present for me?”

Her mom scolded her, first in English then in Bulgarian. “D! That is so rude,” her mom admonished her. “You aren’t supposed to say things like that! Be nice!”

“You came without a present,” D rephrased herself while continuing to frown at us. It was as though she wanted to stare holes into our faces.

I didn’t say anything. What was I supposed to say? It’s true that we came without a gift, but frankly, we don’t really know this kid or her mom. And to my neighbor friend’s point, this is a public playground and anyone is welcome to come to the freaking playground regardless of whether a birthday party is being held in the corner of it! But this was also a reminder to me that once kids hit the age of 5-6, this is generally when they become more bitchy, bossy, demanding, and flat out openly rude… and unlike in earlier years, at this age, they know they are being rude. This is really when parental discipline becomes extremely crucial.

The kid never apologized even after getting scolded at in two languages. To be blunt about it, she sounds like a total brat, and not a kid I’d want Kaia to spend any time around. My neighbor friend warned me about her and said she thinks this girl is a bad influence on her own son, so I never had my hopes up about this child.

I told Chris that this happened, and he responded, “If Hoji said that, there would be no more birthday parties for the next ten years.”

Supporting friends through the adoption process

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About a year and a half ago, I met a friend, who I like to say I met because of Kaia. We were at a food event in an independent food producer’s backyard. Back then, Kaia was just over 2.5 years old. Of course, she was running amok all over the backyard, trying to pull leaves and flowers off plants while also garnering attention from any person who would look her way. And Kaia kept running to this one particular table where this now-friend and her husband were sitting. This person was so warm, loving, and affectionate with her, and she was also quite friendly and personable when I came over to get Kaia. So, I thought it would be a good idea to exchange numbers with her and see if she might be potential friend material. So we started meeting up for coffee and lunch dates. She and her husband came to my 40th birthday party and Lunar New Year Party this year. And now, I’ve spent the last week gathering clothes, blankets, crib sheets, books, and toys that Kaia has outgrown to pass on to her as they adopt a 2-year-old girl into their family. Given the timing, I also cleaned Kaia’s high chair, which she started refusing to sit in this past February, and wiped down the Babi-Deal stroller Chris got last August to also hand down to them. So, that was a good four bags worth of baby/toddler stuff, plus some random things I almost forgot about but thought would also be helpful, like a cleaned snot sucker (yes, really!), handkerchiefs, and practice toddler chopsticks. They came over tonight to pick up all these items and to hang out for a while on our roof. And of course, Kaia lapped it up and put them to work for her own enjoyment!

The second time I met with this friend one on one, she told me about her long and painful fertility journey, how she went through four egg retrievals, two surgeries, multiple miscarriages, and endless doctor appointments. And finally one day she looked at her husband and said she didn’t want her life to revolve around IVF anymore, that she wanted her body and life back. And so that’s when they started seriously looking into adoption, and now here they are, about to welcome this little girl into their life. Her whole journey brings me to tears, but it makes me happy because while all our journeys to parenthood look very different, this feels like a happy ending — or rather, a happy beginning of yet another journey.

Kaia has been so cute and sweet in all this. We told her that these friends would be bringing a baby home soon, so she started proactively gathering books and clothes that she doesn’t want or need anymore and setting them aside for Baby B. Although Kaia will never have a sibling, I can already see that she is extremely loving, giving, caring, and willing to share, and that warms my heart even more.

Kaia’s Pre-K Graduation today

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Being a parent has a lot of ups and downs. The night time wakings, the blowout diapers, the seemingly endless sicknesses, the whining, the tantrums, the days when you’re running on fumes because of lack of sleep — I don’t think anyone gets excited about that or looks back on any of those things wistfully. But the cuddles, kisses, moments of true understanding and growth — those are the things all parents relish and look back on and think, “What — where did time go?!”

As the days led up to Kaia’s Pre-K graduation today, I couldn’t help but constantly scroll through my phone’s camera roll and our Google Photos when I had five or ten minutes here or there, whether it was on the subway commuting or while waiting for people to join work calls. I have such fond, happy memories of being pregnant with her — feeling my growing tummy/uterus, feeling her middle-of-the-night somersaults in the uterus, feeling her constantly kicking and squirming around, especially after eating or exercising. And then when she was born, my entire life changed. It was like I finally learned what a different level of love and nurture was. And since then, I have never looked at life quite the same way ever again. This little blob, who is no longer a little blob but a kindergarten bound girl, changed my entire life and perspectives. Suddenly, nothing mattered as much as her health, well being, and happiness. And each day, she forces me to live more in the moment, to listen to and notice all the little things. And with her, life is just so much better and richer. To this day, sometimes I still cannot believe I got so lucky with this sweet, sweet child — in more ways than ten.

Kaia’s preschool graduation was supposed to start at 5:30 today, but due to technical difficulties, we probably didn’t get admitted until around 6. This was very late for a bunch of 4- and 5-year-olds, all of whom were having later dinner (and inevitably a much later bedtime). But somehow, Kaia held it all together. She performed two dances, one to an English song and one to one of her favorite Chinese songs 有你就幸福 (Blessed to Have You/Having You is a Blessing). And she sang so happily and proudly, especially the Chinese song, funnily enough. I was so proud that my heart was nearly bursting. And then when the school showcased the big school-wide skit that they’ve been working on for months, I couldn’t help but tear up. My little baby is growing up — so so fast, almost too fast.

After summer camp in July-August, she’ll be off to kindergarten at her new school in September. All I can say is that I’m trying hard to soak all of her up… because every single day of her life, I’m preparing for her to eventually leave me. Kaia even said to me a couple days ago while discussing her going to kindergarten and then getting a year and two and three older, “Mama, when I am big, you won’t have a baby anymore!”

But no matter what, as I say to her, Kaia Pookie will always be my baby — mama’s sweet baby.

Next cooking project: yogurt making

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Now that I am on this macro tracking/high protein diet with my body recomposition/fat loss/lean muscle goals, I have found that much to my disdain, 0-1 percent fat Greek yogurt is likely going to be on regular rotation in my diet from now on. I have generally strongly disliked 0 percent fat anything for the last 15 years, especially when it comes to dairy products. But I realize that if I am going to be eating yogurt in larger quantities (at least half a cup) on an almost daily basis that full-fat just isn’t going to work; this was a really sad realization for me. And what’s potentially funnier (in multiple definitions of the word): many brands like Trader Joe’s do not even sell Greek yogurt in fat levels other than 0 percent; it’s likely due to lack of demand. So if you want to buy 2 percent or full fat Greek yogurt, your only option seems to be smaller containers, so only a pint (two cups) or even less, which is very cost inefficient! Standard sized tubs of Greek yogurt seem to be about one quart, or four cups. And we’re going through at least two quarts/half a gallon/eight cups per week at our rate. Chris is even adding it to his weekday protein smoothies now. And if two quarts of Greek yogurt cost about $11-12 per week, I started wondering if there was a more cost effective way to get this. Trader Joe’s nor Whole Foods offer larger options.

So, that reminded me of yogurt making in my Instant Pot. Years ago, I had attempted to make my own yogurt in the Instant Pot. But both times, I had failed. I tried while using organic milk and organic, grass-fed cow yogurt (some of my sources claimed that my organic milk was to blame — who knows…). But I realized that if I could get the yogurt making process to work, I could instead spend money on half a gallon or a gallon of nonfat milk per week, which would be far cheaper than buying yogurt every week. In addition, that would mean less plastic we’re using and throwing out. And as an added bonus, it would be a fun and new cooking project for me!

So when we get back from our summer trip, that’s going to be high on my list of projects I want to tackle. I am reading all about it now and consulting with different videos, so I will be prepared for this cooking project that will aid in my health goals!

Being in a real clothing store again – the madness and the new technology!

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I have never enjoyed the process of shopping for clothes — looking, trying on clothes, and well, no one likes paying for clothes. 😀 So when I stopped having friends drag me out on mall or shopping trips, the only way I was going to willingly buy clothing was online. And yes, that was a dream, especially in cases where the stores had either free returns or in-store return policies for clothing bought online. I could buy the clothes online, try them on at home to check for fit and whether they looked right on me, and if they didn’t work out, either drop them in the mail back or return them to a store nearby. The vast majority of all clothing I’ve purchased in the last 16+ years has been online, and I do not miss the in-store shopping process at all. The only times I’ve enjoyed it just a little are when I am traveling internationally and see more unique items, like at one or two shops I like in Australia, or when I’m looking at clothing for Kaia (because baby/toddler girl clothing is always fun to look at).

So in the last couple days, I’ve been seeing some potential summer pieces at Zara online, but their entire online shopping experience… kind of sucks. I was thinking that I probably should stop being so lazy with dressing (this all stems from being 100 percent remote with work) and actually buy clothing I want to wear that looks good and fits well… instead of always wearing all my AFSP volunteer shirts and other things I don’t care much about just for comfort. Especially now that I am probably going to get more involved in Kaia’s elementary school, I should dress up a bit more and try a little.

Zara is good in that they have this nifty option to check for in-store availability closest to you (and so far, it looks pretty accurate), so I found out that two pieces I liked were at their Bryant Park location. So I used that as an excuse to get some extra steps in and walk there before picking up Kaia in Chinatown. I walked in and was immediately reminded of why I hate in-store shopping: the store, despite it being about 4:15pm on a Wednesday, was mobbed. People were speed walking and even running across the store to grab pieces. It felt like a competitive sport being in there! People were rushing to grab items before anyone else claimed them. It was a little insane. Employees were restocking and being bombarded with questions (and some even had lines for people with inquiries). And I just felt a little dizzy navigating all of this and trying to figure out where these two specific items were. I eventually asked an employee, who was super friendly and able to get someone to fetch me the item from their stock room since neither of us saw one of the pieces on the floor (this was very efficient!). I tried one piece on (on the floor out in the open, and not in the fitting room because the line was 20+ people long!); luckily it didn’t require me to undress. And when I went to buy the shirt in the payment area, I simply dropped the item into a bin, which immediately scanned the item for what it was, the size, and the price. I paid by Apple Pay by tapping, was texted the receipt, and that was it! It was just like the buying process at Uniqlo — the only other shop at which I’ve bought in store in the last few years. The “cashier” line was nonexistent, as it’s all self pay with an attendant checking in occasionally.

This is the reality of in-store shopping now that I’m just ignorant to since I rarely shop in person — things are more automated and efficient. There’s less in-person support for payment. The “lining up” doesn’t happen as much anymore. But it also feels more “competitive” to be in store with getting the items you want in the size you need and as quickly as you need them. That’s too tiring for me! The ease of online shopping is just so, so much easier.

When Pookie stopped needing a middle-of-the-night pee

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When we decided to stop putting Kaia in an overnight pull-up, we knew she’d need to be woken up for a pee in the middle of the night because she pees a lot. I guess she is like her mother in that way: she’s always drinking lots of liquids, and as we all know: what goes in must come out! We originally started her overnight pee wakeup at around 11-12 because she’d end up wetting her bed at around midnight if we didn’t do this. Gradually, we started pushing it back to 12, 1, 2, and then 2:45, just as the Oh Crap! Potty Training method suggested in the famous potty training book. But something miraculously happened last week: Kaia actually went the entire night without needing to pee or wetting the bed until 5am. It was Chris’s night to wake her up to pee, and he had forgotten to set his alarm. He woke up early in the morning to check on her and found out she was still sleeping and still dry. So he took her to pee at 5am when he woke up. So the next few nights, the same thing happened, and she woke herself up to pee, or she went through the whole night without needing to pee. She woke up between 6-7am, and she was dry. And it’s been this way for the last week!

A while ago, I told Pookster that if she stayed dry all night, and/or woke herself up to pee in the middle of the night, that I’d finally get her wish of nail polish. I really wanted to put off nail polish for as long as possible, but she kept asking, and I figured this would be a good incentive she’s been asking about for almost two years now that I’ve rejected. So we got really excited and told her we were so proud of her, and she’s just this close to getting her much coveted child-friendly nail polish. But Chris wanted to add another step: she can get the nail polish when she not only stays dry all night and pees as soon as she wakes up, but also when she can fully wipe herself and wash her hands — all on her own. Kaia was not thrilled to her about this and of course threw a mini tantrum, but alas, life has its ways of putting more hurdles in front of you!

It seems like ages since we started doing middle-of-the-night wake-ups to have her go pee, and now it is all coming to an end before I even realized it. While you think I’d be thrilled about this, it still feels bittersweet. Every day, my sweet Kaia Pookie is getting more mature, bigger and bigger, and closer to eventually not needing me.