Category Archives: Contemplation

Unexpected wedding card

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We received a wedding card in the mail a few days ago from one of my San Francisco friends I met through my mom’s Jehovah’s Witness congregation. The card had a very long, thoughtful, and sweet message. I’m always touched whenever I open a card that anyone gives me nowadays and the written message is more than just a line or two; pretty much no one seems to do that nowadays, nor do people value it. But it always makes me happy and wish that more people would value little things like this that require a lot of time and thought. I feel like I am getting old and dating myself by saying this, but there’s such an emphasis on things being fast and convenient nowadays that we rarely stop to appreciate things like a handwritten card or a homemade meal. My eyes feel like bleeding when I think of future children and how they may or may not value these things.

Rush hour in Manhattan

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I was walking up to Grand Central from my office after work, avoiding the 33rd street stop on the 6 to get on at 42nd and Grand Central, when I stopped at a red light and observed all these other commuters rushing to get home. Everyone is doing their own thing, on their phones, talking or texting, hurriedly rushing to get somewhere after work. Amidst all the noise, I thought about how anonymous you can really be in this city. There are so many people here that if you died, no one would really care that much. You’d probably be forgotten.

I looked on at the usual homeless guys who stand or sit around near Grand Central Station as they said the same things over and over again to people passing them by, hoping to get a few extra coins for their food or drugs or whatever it was that sustained them day to day. No one really pays them much attention. No one pays the people who walk around them on the street very much attention. And it made me feel so sad. I’ve been in this city for almost eight years now, yet I really haven’t made that many good friends here. I guess I am a lucky person in that I actually met my now-husband here; it’s hard to be single in a city like this that presents so many options and almost encourages a short attention span. New York is a really easy city to be lonely in.

Tax Day

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Tax Day in the U.S. was yesterday, when millions of sad Americans were forced to suck it up and file their taxes. Some received refunds, and others had to write depressing checks to the IRS. We were among the frustrated people who had to write checks.

What is most annoying about tax day every year is the influx of shopping e-mails I get to my shopping email address. I mean, it’s already set up to get sales updates, but on tax day, it’s that number literally times four or five. It’s like all these brands feel like they need to encourage you to spend, spend, spend on tax day. Because sure, even if you didn’t get a tax refund and you had to shell out extra money to the government who misspends most of the dollars it gets, you’ll feel better with retail therapy! Be more materialistic; it will make you happier and more fulfilled!

And every single year since I’ve been a working adult, I have deleted every single one of these emails. I was so annoyed by them this year that I just opted out completely, even for brands I like to look at. Take that, marketers.

 

From others’ views

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It’s been fun and interesting to hear about the wedding from our family and friends’ perspectives. I haven’t had a chance to speak with everyone yet, but the more I talk to them, the more I laugh about things that they have told me. When it’s your own wedding, you can never be aware of every little thing happening around you.

One thing I had no idea about that I learned of tonight during a Google Hangout session with two of my bridesmaids was that during the ceremony when Chris and I were giving our personal vows that we wrote, the girls said that almost every female in the audience was tearing up and dabbing their eyes, and even a handful of males were. All three of my bridesmaids were getting emotional and trying hard to keep it in, with two of them sniffling the whole time. And during Chris’s speech at the reception, when he revealed the meaning behind the table names and Ed’s symbolism, one of them cried almost the whole time. These are all the things I had no idea about because I couldn’t see them myself.

We just got back our full set of professional photos, and I didn’t really see any of this represented, which concerned me a little. It would be great if we could see this documented via photography and would be sad if it were nowhere. We banned photography from the ceremony in hopes that it would help make everyone more present  and in the moment, and so that the photographers wouldn’t have any distractions.

Gift in the mail

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Today, we received a wedding card and check in the mail from one of Chris’s mother’s cousins, who was invited to the wedding but couldn’t attend due to conflicting travel she and her husband had already booked. I was surprised to see this in the mail even after Chris’s mother had told me that this cousin had planned to send us a gift. Unless it is a very close friend or family member, I’d never expect any gifts if the person didn’t attend the wedding.

It’s so weird — the whole wedding gift giving thing. There are friends and family who attended the wedding events and did not give any gift, and then there are friends and family who did not attend any of the events and gave generous gifts. I wonder what their thought process is when they ultimately decide to give or not give a gift and whether it is guilt that drives them (for the sake of having face) or the pure desire to just give.

Cousins and cousins

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The funniest thing about having the majority of close family and friends all in one place for your wedding is seeing what the dynamic is like not just in how they act around each other, but how you act with all of them in one place. Who are you going to spend time interacting with, or the most time interacting with, and who are you going to have the most fun and laughs around?

Having my cousins in the same place with most of Chris’s cousins was interesting and clearly revealed who I cared and didn’t care about the most. Chris’s cousins are like my own family, the functional family I never had, and they are fun and enjoyable to be around. I genuinely enjoy spending time with them and have had many a session when I have laughed so hard that my ribs ended up hurting. With my own cousins, I barely spent any time conversing with any of them, and they made no effort to talk much to me or approach Chris and me at all. In fact, my cousin and his wife and children who came from Redwood City barely said anything to us until I went to their table, and they left without saying goodbye or thanks for having them. My cousin and his wife and son in Brooklyn left without saying bye early… in fact, they barely said hi to me at all. They actively chose not to socialize with anyone and instead were all rude during the reception speeches, talking amongst themselves with whatever gossip and negativity they like to occupy themselves with, and allowing their children to make lots of noise without discipline. This resulted in a lot of glares from Chris’s aunts and uncles table, who actually did care to hear our speeches and came because they truly care about us. Chris’s parents later asked who those people were at that table and suspected they must be my cousins. I’m sure they noticed I barely talked to them at all. It says everything about how much we value each other.

The end of the wedding period is over and is sad because it was so much fun, but it’s kind of nice because now, I have no reason to be proactive or in touch with any of those cousins, or my dysfunctional aunt, who decided to complain about her estranged son and his children she didn’t know about to me, and also came to my wedding wearing jeans. As always, the world revolves around her in her head, even when her niece is getting married. Colleagues later commented that this was the ultimate way to disrespect me and my parents, but in all truth, I really didn’t care and dismissed her presence right away. I’m getting better at ignoring idiocies in my family. It’s the end of my relationship with family members who truly don’t care about me, and I don’t really think about much seriously.

19 days

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The people who told me that I would think I had all my wedding stuff together and organized and figured out… until one month before the wedding — those people are sadly so right.

We are 19 days away from the wedding, and I feel like there are still too many things to finalize that we haven’t done. This is why people hire wedding planners.

Because of our catering company that we chose, we are using probably the most inefficient and least intuitive event planning/diagram coordinating applications possible. I can’t even figure out how to lay out the ceremony chairs the way I want because it will not let me delete or add individual seats, only rows. This job should be done by a monkey, not by me.

Little blob

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I spent the evening in Tampa tonight with a friend’s friend, his wife, and their 1.5 year old son. He’s probably the smartest little child I’ve ever met. He mimics everything that we do – high fives, jumps, yells, even chest beating. He’s also the happiest and most expressive little toddler I’ve ever seen. Today during our dinner of ribs, barbequed chicken, baked beans and slaw, he even ate our food cut into bits, all on his own, interchanging between using his little baby fork and his hands, along with a pretty decent pile of baked sweet potatoes. This child has the palate of God’s children.

Every time I see them, of course we spend a bit of time talking about children, child-rearing, and my potential future as a mother. I read their little toddler bedtime stories tonight, and he loved every minute of it – all my little explanations, imitations of animals and trains, and facial expressions. “He was so enthralled with your story telling!” my friend exclaimed. “Wow, you’re going to be a great mom one day!”

Maybe I will be, but I am absolutely terrified. The idea that a little blob could come out of my body and be 100% dependent on me is quite surreal. I told him this, and he said everyone feels that way. I suppose that is true.

“It’s scary in the beginning, and I felt the same way when he was born,” my friend said. “But after a while, you realize that babies aren’t that complicated after all. When babies cry, it’s always one of three things: 1) they’re hungry, 2) their diapers need to be changed, or 3) they’re tired and need to sleep.”

If only it were really that simple.

Twitter

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I tried to make a group client dinner reservation for Roux, a popular restaurant in Tampa, and they made it really impossible to get through. I tried calling their phone, which resulted in a failed voice message system that produced loud beeping sounds and refused to let me leave a message. I attempted making a reservation through their online booking system, and they would not allow me to make a booking for more than 10 people via their site. I called again and again. This was just not going to work. Finally, I decided that I would need to Tweet them on Twitter to get a response. Within a day, their PR and communications manager messaged me back and called me, made my booking and set up fixed menus for me.

It’s amazing to see the power of Twitter. Of course, in fear that I would potentially give them negative publicity via Twitter, Facebook, or another channel, they tended to my every need and continued to respond to all my e-mails within an hour or so. Social media works very, very well.

Friend’s friends

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A good friend of Chris’s who lives in New York coincidentally got pregnant over the summer and found out her due date was one week after our wedding. This was especially sad news because we knew she and her husband would have happily come to California for our wedding.

While it’s sad that she can’t make it, we understand her predicament. She’s offered to take us out to celebrate early this Friday. What is not sad is when you realize that associated friends who were invited did not even have the decent manners to RSVP to the wedding period.

This is my cynical side speaking, clearly. As soon as I heard she wouldn’t be able to come due to giving birth, I made a silent bet in my head that the two associated friends who would have come if she had come would decline. They didn’t even decline; they didn’t even RSVP. If someone is so generous to invite you to their wedding, the least you could do is RSVP in a timely manner with a ‘yes’ or a ‘no.’ Chris reached out to one of them over Facebook, and he gave some rambling message about not being able to come with excuses that were clearly his way of saying, “Sorry, dude. I just don’t care enough if <mutual friend> doesn’t go, either.” It is sad when you are over 30 and you are still just a follower.

To make matters worse, he reached out separately to me to apologize. What is the point? I really didn’t care at that point and simply responded, “Don’t worry about it.” It just kept getting worse because he kept responding. “That’s the most upset I’ve ever heard you,” he responded back with… Again. “We should hang out some time soon. I miss you guys.”

I didn’t respond to that last bit. No, you don’t miss us. Stop faking that you want to see us and spend time with us, and just move on. We have.

I don’t want to spend time on or with people who don’t make any effort with me. It’s not worth it. The older I get, the more valuable I realize my time is, and the more I do not want to waste it on people who just want other people to be their conveniences in life.