The Vietnam (American) War from the eyes of a Vietnamese person

In my adulthood, I’ve tried to find more books to read that would educate me about China and Vietnam, my father and mother lands, that are written from the perspective of people who are actually Chinese and Vietnamese. It’s been a pretty big mix of movies, documentaries, fiction, non-fiction, and perhaps one of my favorite book genres — historical fiction. It’s been easier to find books on Chinese culture and the Cultural Revolution. It’s been more of a challenge to find books that are written on Vietnam’s rich history (especially the French colonial period and the Vietnam War) that are NOT told from an American or European perspective, but rather that of a native Vietnamese person. Then I finally stumbled across a book recommendation in my Modern Asian Moms (MAMs) group called The Mountains Sing by Nguyen Phan Que Mai. From the first page, I knew it would be an easy read, a real page turner of a book. And oddly enough, it was just published in 2020, so it’s a relatively recent book. Some people criticize the book and say the language is too simple since the book was written in English, which is the author’s second language after Vietnamese (someone on Good Reads actually complained that he had to look up words in a dictionary only a handful of times as a person who knows English as a second language… because apparently, that should be the barometer of “complex language”).

When I say the book was an “easy” read, I meant that it took no time to get into the story. It’s actually a really hard book to read when you think of all the brutal portrayals of hardship, death, rape, hunger, and exposure to Agent Orange and its effects on not just the people it physically touched, but future generations; one baby born in the book (this was a time pre ultrasounds) was born without any arms or legs; she had a forehead that was three times the size of her body, and she died within seconds of being born. But it made me realize even more how flawed the western portrayal of the Vietnam War was, as it was nowhere as simplistic as it was taught to me in school. There were people in the North who were recruited to the Southern Army and vice versa. There were many people who were pro French and actually reaped plenty of benefits of French colonialism. And there was a mass re-education camp that was like a prison after the war, which pretty much everyone on the Southern Army was forced into. The land reform of the 1950s created immediate violence and destruction across all of Vietnam; people who were wealthy were stripped of everything they owned and many were executed publicly and brutally.

I thought about what my mom said about growing up poor and the contradictions of the stories she shared. Her dad, my paternal grandma, died when she was only 6, from choking on his own mucus. But he was a highly educated man who was fluent and literate in both Vietnamese and Chinese. She said in her younger days, her dad was a respected “high official” in government. What that meant for her family once the war started, I’ll never know because my mom doesn’t like to talk about it. I don’t even think she’d like to know I’m reading books on Vietnam or the war at all. She seems to want to wipe all that out of her memory, which is not unlike many others who lived through that difficult period in Vietnamese history.

There are two protagonists we shift point of view from in the book: the grandma in the 1950s and her granddaughter in the 1970s. The grandma says, “Do you understand why I’ve decided to tell you about our family? If our stories survive, we will not die, even when are bodies are no longer here on earth.”

It’s the stories of our families, of our lives that keep people alive. And though I’ll probably never fully know my mom’s stories of Vietnam, I’ll have sources like this historical fiction book for me to lean on for at least a glimpse of what she experienced.

Meyers Iowa Pine Scented soap

The soap in our main bathroom had just run out, so I was excited to open and use the new Meyers Iowa pine-scented soap. As I dispensed the soap and started scrubbing my hands, the bathroom was filled with this rich, refreshing scent of… CHRISTMAS TREES. Our bathroom smelled like a Christmas village, or like that amazing scent I look forward to every time we walk on the streets of New York in the month of December, and there’s a corner guy selling tightly wrapped and coiled Christmas trees!

It seems a little silly that this scent excited me so much when I washed my hands, but I really do believe that it’s these little moments in life that we need to embrace and enjoy because all of life is made up of teeny tiny moments that quickly happen… and then quickly pass us by and end.

This perfume-like experience also reminded me that pretty much *no one* I’ve ever been alongside in a public bathroom washes their hands for 20+ seconds, as was recommended during the COVID-area of life in 2020-2021. I’m always the only person who scrubs her hands for over 15 seconds and still standing at the sink. That’s kind of gross, but alas, people can be pretty gross! This pine scented soap makes me want to scrub for even longer!

Before the Coffee Gets Cold – time traveling to see the deceased

I just started reading the book Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi. It’s the first book in a series of of novels that was originally an award-winning play. The idea behind the story is a simple premise: time travel in a nondescript cafe. The customers of the cafe Funiculi Funicula can travel back in time, to any time they like and to see whomever they choose, but there is one basic rule they must all follow, above all: they must return before their cup of coffee gets cold. A few other caveats are thrown in, too, to make things a bit more challenging: you can only time travel when sitting in a designated seat in the cafe. You cannot get up from the seat at any point of this time travel session. And lastly, whatever is said and done when you go back to the present time, nothing will be able to change the future. The present will still be the present, and all will be unchanged.

The beginning is painfully slow. I wasn’t actually sure I would continue reading because of how slow and annoying the descriptions were in the beginning. It also is extremely annoying to read about all the cultural stereotypes of how Japanese men vs. women are. Japanese society, like most Asian cultures, does not like to express emotions openly. They are sexually repressed and can never fully say what they think to others out loud, even people who are supposed to be their closest friends or family. So that repeatedly happens throughout the stories in the book. But my general rule with all books is that I have to read to page 100 to decide whether I really want to continue or not. Some books are just slower than others, and that’s how stories can build.

But then I got to the second story in the book about two sisters. One runs a bar and runs a pretty casual life, but we later learn that she left home and got cut off from her parents because as the oldest, she was expected to take over their family business of running an inn, which she didn’t want for herself. Her younger sister is left to to take over the inn. The sisters got along as children, but as they get older, they drift. The older sister is constantly pushing the younger sister away when all the younger sister wants is to be close to her big sister. The younger sister dies in a tragic head-on car collision. The older sister finds out and is struck with so much grief. After over a decade of never going home, she finally goes back to the family house, where she finds her parents mourning her sister’s dead body, lying in an altar-like state. Her parents ignore her and pretend she isn’t there. Later, she goes to the cafe in an attempt to see her late little sister one more time. Another caveat is introduced: when you time travel back to see someone who is deceased, a little alarm goes off at your table to warn you it’s almost time to leave… because the cafe knows from experience that in tragic reunions like these, the person time traveling never wants to leave their deceased loved one.

When there is a person who comes to the cafe to time travel, they need to pinpoint a specific point in time they want to go back to, and who they want to see. And usually, they have a purpose: they want to re-phrase something they said. They want to share a letter that they failed to give. They want to take back something they said. This particular sisters story was particularly touching to me because I think about what it would be like to time travel to the past to see Ed again, and which moment I would have chosen. Of course, this is a bit different: this younger sister did not die by suicide; her death was 100 percent accidental. At first, I was unsure when I would have chosen. But then, I thought… I would time travel to March 2013, when I was home for a long and painful two weeks on my own, without Chris. Endless arguments and snips from my parents happened that trip. But I would time travel to the day I suggested to Ed that we take a walk and get bubble tea at 23rd St and Clement in San Francisco. I would have had a different conversation with him. I still remember the conversation we had: I shared with him that I was worried and wanted him to get therapy. I would have come with a better plan to help. I would have reassured him with stronger words how much I loved him and wanted him to get better. I would also have reiterated to him that he needed to get the hell out of our parents’ house and move out on his own. I would have asked him to commit to a plan and reassured him that he had so much more potential.

Like in the Funiculi Funicula cafe, the present would not change. He’d still be gone. But maybe if I’d had a firmer, more reassuring conversation with him about how deeply concerned I was and how much I loved him, maybe I’d feel a tiny bit better about what I did. I suppose I will never stop regretting what I did and didn’t do with him. But regardless, the world keeps turning and we must go on. I wonder if I had had the conversation I really wanted to have if that would have elicited different words from him. Maybe he would have shared something with me during that conversation that would give me more closure today. Even though it would hurt a lot to see him again, I would jump at the chance to time travel back to see and talk to him again.

The life of Gen-Zers / Zoomers portrayed in Maame

“We grow up fast. Not by force, but because we are needed.” – Maddie Wright in Maame

I recently finished reading Jessica George’s debut novel called Maame. I had it on my bookmarked reading list for a while, but a friend told me she recently read it, and that it was one of her favorite books she’s read in the last year. So I finally decided to read it and am so glad I did: from the very first page, the writing grabs you because it’s so approachable, and I found myself staying up late at night because the writing pulled me into the life of Maddie Wright, the protagonist, so much. When I’d read the description of the book being about a 25-year old British Ghanaian woman navigating career, complex family dynamics, and caregiving for her dad who has Parkinson’s, I wasn’t sure how much I’d be able to empathize given the generational difference – would I find her point of view relatable given I’m 13 years older than her? I did want to read it since it’s unusual to read stories of any 20-something-year-old caregivers of their parents, especially from the point of view of women of color. Given I stayed up late three nights to read it, I’d say it’s likely one of the best books I’ve read this year.

The story is touching, heartbreaking, light-hearted, and funny all at the same time. I really feel for her being the only one in her family burdened with taking care of her father (other than the primary hired caregiver), as she has a useless mother who is having an affair all the way in Ghana with her high school sweetheart, and an equally useless and selfish brother who spends as much time as he can working and avoiding all family members despite being in the same city as his ill father and stressed sister. I loved the frantic Google searches and Reddit rabbit holes that she went on, as that is what pretty much all of us do in this day and age, regardless of age, when we have a question or are worried about something where we don’t know how it will end. I enjoyed how she handled the topics of mental health, depression, racism in the workplace, and family dynamics. I also loved the scene towards the end of the book when she starts screaming at her mother and brother after her father died, as these monologues finally made it crystal clear to the mother and brother exactly how much they hurt her and ultimately abandoned her and their father in a true time of need. I found her sexual encounters funny, as they highlighted that even with Gen Z, men of younger generations still prioritize their own sexual satisfaction over women’s — when the hell is this ever going to change?! Talk about sexism in literally every form…

But I am also a sucker for happy endings. I love the end when her dad’s will is shared, and the cheating mother just assumes that any money the father had would be left to her. The sum that he had been investing was a huge shock to all, especially the end amount. Her father made it explicitly clear in the will that all the money, every last cent of it, should go to Maddie, and only to Maddie. It would make logical sense, right, given his wife and son abandoned him when they found out he had Parkinson’s disease?

I suppose I also related to Maddie because despite being the youngest, she was the most responsible, the one everyone relied on to get things done and to make sure things were taken care of properly. Like her, I was always told from a young age that I was “wiser beyond her years.” Frankly, that’s a heavy burden to carry on your shoulders, and it gets tiring. It gets tiring when everyone assumes you will always be the strong one, the “put together” one. Through this book, I also got to learn a bit about Ghanaian culture, which I’d previously had zero exposure to (though I was familiar with a lot of the foods being cooked, especially cassava, groundnut, and jollof rice). “Maame” in Twi means “woman,” and it is often used as a playful or loving term when given to a daughter. But at the same time, it can be a burden because of all the responsibility it can entail, especially when people in your family start calling you that at a very young age, like in the case of Maddie.

Maame is the 15th book I’ve read this year. Reading in the evenings has been a nice escape and quiet time for my mind to not think about everyday life and instead, to enjoy (what is hopefully) good writing and complex character development.

A growing awareness of mortality

I’m almost done reading the book I am currently on, Matrescence. While I am not totally sure I would recommend the book, as it does tend to get on a number of tangents that are hard to follow at times, and it seems a bit like rambling at others as opposed to cohesively strung together thoughts, it does bring up a number of thoughts I’ve had about becoming a mother and about life in general. One thought that I was ruminating on after Kaia was born was that becoming a parent really does force you to think about your own mortality quite a bit. As a parent, you bring life into the world with the awareness that your goal, as ironic as it may be, is to raise that tiny blob into an independent adult who will one day not need you. And at some point, assuming all goes well and nothing tragic happens, is that that adult will one day live in a world without you in it; your child will outlive you, and you will die before they will. They will die after you (hopefully…. please). So becoming a parent makes you even more painfully cognizant of the fact that you will one day die, that your life on this earth is finite. It will come to an end. And so with that thought and fact is another thought: how are you going to make this life and all the moments that make it up worth it?

But that’s also another reason that it’s important for us as parents to have passions outside of our children, as all-consuming as parenting can be. One day, soon enough, Kaia will not want to spend that much time with us, and we should not expect her to fulfill all our needs and spend all her free time with us. I think that’s something that’s lost amongst many parents of our parents generation… like my own mom. In my early twenties, my mom used to get angry if she knew I was taking time off work to do anything other than go home and spend time with her. She used to call me selfish and threaten to make me pay her back for my college tuition (oftentimes used as a threat, as always). She said that all my vacation time should be spent with her. When I’d come home and spend time with friends, she would get angry and say that it wasn’t necessary and that I should be with her (you know, at home doing nothing). And at that time, I could not coherently verbalize why I thought that was wrong. But now, it makes perfect sense to me why all that talk did not sit well with me. As a parent, you are not just a parent. You are (potentially) a spouse, a sibling, a friend, a colleague, a citizen of the world. You also play other roles. And as your kids grow up, spread their wings, and fly away, you should also grow up and get back in contact with your own self and what you like to do and spend time on.

The grass is always greener on the other side – from a food perspective

Whenever we travel, and especially to places with really strong food cultures, like France, Italy, and pretty much anywhere and everywhere in Asia, I always think how amazing it would be to live in a place that truly values food and freshness. The U.S. was built to feed a lot of people en masse, which basically means that we’re feeding for the sake of feeding people here (quantity matters, full bellies matter) instead of thinking about quality or sustainability of raw ingredients. So whenever I hear about people who are of a similar age as I am, originally born and raised in a Western nation like the U.S., but have done the “reverse migration” of going back to their country of origin, I am always intrigued, and my ears tend to perk up.

In the last year, I discovered the freelance journalist Clarissa Wei and her cookbook Made in Taiwan. She is of Taiwanese descent, but she was born and raised in Southern California. She has since moved back to Taiwan and is living there with her husband and young child. When I did a search for her, I actually realized I had read endless articles she had written about Chinese and Taiwanese food previously, but I had just not remembered the by-line on those articles. Her cookbook reads like a journal or blog, peppered with lots of heavily researched factoids and also personal stories of her own experiences in the U.S. and in Taiwan. She says that when Costco opened in Taiwan, she and her husband got a membership and treated their visits there like her parents used to treat treks to Ranch 99 in California: while her parents would get excited at stocking up on all their favorite Taiwanese and Asian ingredients and fresh produce, she and her husband now meticulously plan what they will buy at Costco: avocados, bagels, and all the Western things that you cannot easily find in Taiwan that they missed having easy access to while in the U.S. “The grass is always greener on the other side,” she lamented. Prior to moving to Taiwan, she used to get excited about having easy access to the night markets and all her favorite Taiwanese dishes. Now that she has all that literally at her doorstep, she wants the American things that are either far more expensive in Taiwan or more difficult to find.

Another funny anecdote she shared that actually made me laugh out loud: she said that her standard Taiwanese stove top was able to get so hot that it would make restaurant-quality fried rice with real “wok hei” as I always get excited about. I always love getting stir-fried noodles and rice at restaurants because “wok hei” is just impossible at home with our stove top. On the flip side for Clarissa, it was very challenging to impossible to slow simmer anything on her stove top. So she went to a shop to see what it would cost to get her range replaced with an American-style one. The shopkeeper looked at her like she’d gone crazy and said, “Why would you do that? Do you want food with no flavor?” The sheer horror!

We always want what we cannot get easily and romanticize the things we don’t have. Off the top of my head, I think that if we leave the U.S., I would most definitely miss not having to think about how to read food labels (this is a funny one, isn’t it?). In New York City specifically, I’d miss easy access to literally every cuisine on earth, somewhere across these five boroughs. I’d also probably miss easy access to boneless, skinless chicken thighs, or trays of neatly cubed beef chuck, or a boneless leg of lamb. I am American, after all, raised in a western country that is used to having its citizens being quite far removed from the process of animal slaughter.

“Permission to Fail”

I’m making good progress reading the book Permission to Come Home by Jenny T. Wang. Right now, I’m on the section called “Permission to Fail,” which is exactly what it sounds like it’s about. In life, through big and small events, we’re constantly learning, and in learning, it’s inevitable that we will make mistakes, but that’s part of the process of living. When babies are learning to walk, they will stumble and fall — it’s not a mistake! It’s all work in progress! They learn from their fall, and then they persevere and try again and again until they can pull themselves up, stand up and stay there, then take one step, two steps, multiple steps. The tiny steps that are built into that process are around using arm, core, and leg strength. They are learning little by little how much of each to use to do what movements at which time.

I thought about the process of babies learning to walk when I was thinking about this section of the book. And I thought about the very damaging advice that my mom used to constantly give Ed and me: “One step wrong, and everything in your life goes wrong!” It was such a fixed (anti growth) mindset, a narrow way of looking at the world, putting ourselves in a situation where we’d basically have zero hope… unless we followed everything exactly as our parents wanted, and then, our lives would be perfect! And then, I comically thought of Kaia learning how to walk, stumbling and falling, and my mom yelling at her, “One step wrong, and everything in your life goes wrong!”

Everything, regardless of whether it was rooted in reality or not, was either a major success or failure growing up. If it was a failure, it resulted in my and my family having “no face.” When I got laid off at my first job out of college just nine months after I started (and during the worst financial crisis to date of my lifetime), my mom got angry at me. She said, “You have no face! No one respects you! No one will want to look at you to your face!” She advised me to immediately move home and start looking for jobs there. In the next month, my cousin was getting married in Las Vegas, and she tried to prevent me from going to the wedding. “The wedding isn’t important!” she yelled. “Why are you going to spend money to go to a wedding where no one will care about you because you lost your job? You have no income, so why are you spending money on travel? You have no face at this wedding! Don’t bother coming!”

It was such an awful, demoralizing, terrorizing thing to say to a 23-year-old who hadn’t even been in full-time employment for a year: because I got laid off and had no job, I was not worth seeing. I had no self worth. I was not worth socializing with. It’s never anyone’s “fault” when they get laid off, especially during a financial crisis where everyone, left and right, is losing their job, the economy is unstable, and companies are cutting costs left and right. But she tried to make it seem like it was my fault, as though I did something wrong. That’s why she kept on saying I had “no face.” To my parents, if you were working, you were a “worthy” person. If you didn’t work, if you had a low-paying job, or if you were unemployed/stay-at-home parent/partner, you were “nothing.” That’s how my parents measure value in an adult.

I’ve lost my job a couple times since that first layoff. It was never easy, but I’ve grown a lot along the way. It was never my “fault.” I never saw them as “mistakes,” but as situations to learn from — because that’s what all of life is ideally: continual learning, growth, and personal evolution. But one thing I did learn from that period? I would never, ever tell my parents if I ever got laid off or fired — ever again. They would never provide a safe space for me. They would never be supportive of me in my down moments and instead, would just push me further down. I didn’t need the constant criticism or judgment. I was already such a harsh critic of myself already, so why did I need two other people judging me?

It’s sad to remember these times, especially since these types of interactions were not isolated. But I think the biggest thing here, as the title of the chapter indicates, is giving yourself permission to fail, even if those who are supposed to be closest to you won’t. Who cares what other people think? You have to give yourself permission to fail, to grow, to move forward. C’est la vie — or at least, that’s the life worth living.

High-end candles: a sign of being in my 30s

On Saturday, I was supposed to take my friend on a food crawl around Jackson Heights as a day out during her visit. Unfortunately, the weather had other plans for us. I didn’t want to deal with the stroller in pouring rain, nor did I want to risk experiencing any subway flooding, so I suggested to my friend that we have lunch at the Singporean Urban Hawker center instead, and then figure things out from there. The MoMa, which was our original after-lunch plan, was immediately x-ed out: the line wrapped around TWO BLOCKS, even with the pouring rain. So instead, we went window shopping at Nordstrom and in Time Warner Center instead. We spent at least 15 minutes inhaling every Voluspa candle on display in the home wares section; the Saijo Persimmon and Mokara were definitely my favorites. I told my friend about how I’ve been burning a scented soy or coconut wax candle every night the last few months while I’m reading before bed. Everyone likes the mood and ambiance that real lit candles bring, and the scent is always soothing at bedtime.

My friend laughed. “This is such a sign you are in your 30s; only people in their 30s-plus can appreciate high-end, fancy candles!” she said. She agreed, though, and said that she also started appreciating them in the last few years.

Okay, so maybe it is true. In my twenties, I never thought anything of candles and didn’t understand how they could be so expensive. I didn’t understand how Diptyque could have multiple boutiques across New York City, JUST selling one item (candles!). It always evaded my comprehension. Then, I didn’t understand the difference between paraffin and soy/coconut wax. The idea of spending $50-75 on a candle was insane to me. Now, while I still think that price point is high, I do appreciate them so much more. A high quality, perfumed candle is not just a thing, an object to display in your home; it’s also an experience, a somewhat sensual one at that. The one candle I own now that I did buy before I turned 30 was a lavender soy candle purchased at a Tasmanian lavender farm in December 2015. I still burn it occasionally and am obsessed with the scent, though I am sad I’m reaching its end. What was also remarkable about this candle was that despite it being very high quality and having a good “throw” (that is candle speak for “the scent travels through the room it’s in and isn’t weak”), it was actually quite inexpensive in U.S. dollars after the conversion from AUD. Now, I may end up seeking high quality, scented candles elsewhere where I can get them cheaper. 🙂

Doll houses – for children and for adults

Today, I was texting with some friends about my friend’s daughter’s birthday. My friend shared that her three-year-old daughter was gifted a dollhouse, which you can custom design down to the WALLPAPER in each room. Given this, my friend would be taking this on as a mini project for her daughter to fully enjoy playing with this dollhouse. I thought it was really sweet — my friend wants her child to play with the dollhouse, and she’s willing to invest time in making sure the dollhouse looks just like what her daughter wants.

It reminded me that I still have a Greenleaf dollhouse that “Santa Claus” (aka my dad) gifted me when I was five years old, still unbuilt and in its original box down in my parents’ basement. I told my friend that if she wanted, she could have the dollhouse if she was willing to invest time in building and painting it. Otherwise, eventually soon, I’d want to sell it to make sure someone out there can actually enjoy it. I reminded her, though, that it’s not a dollhouse for playing; it’s actually meant to be a collector’s dollhouse for adults. My other friend didn’t understand what this meant, so I explained it to her; there’s an entire industry of dollhouses for adult builders and collectors, and this was one of them.

My friends were super confused: why did my dad gift me an adult collector’s dollhouse? Why wasn’t it ever built? And who was expected to build it and when? Was I expected, as a five-year-old child, to build it?

I’m no longer triggered by the memories of that dollhouse, as I’ve moved on. But for me, that unbuilt dollhouse is just representative of all the broken promises my dad made. He always said he’d build it. He never did. He always made excuses and said he was too busy. Finally when I was a teen, I asked one last time if he was ever planning to build it. He got mad, snapping back, “YOU can go ahead and build it yourself!” When an ex-boyfriend went up to him to ask if he could have it to build, my dad responded and said he was still planning to build it (no, never happened). So it just sits in its box, unbuilt, to be enjoyed by no one.

As an adult now with my own child, I get it: my dad WAS super busy. He was working a day job for most of my childhood along with managing and repairing three different apartment buildings and two rental homes. He rarely rested and was just constantly working to ensure we had financial stability. But part of me thinks he also did all that because he didn’t really want to spend time with us. He never played with my brother or me. We never had any real conversations. He was frequently irritable when we attempted to engage with him. My brother eventually gave up, feeling ignored, and decided to ignore him back…. that continued until the day my brother died. Our dad was usually doing his own thing when he was home. I don’t fault him for wanting a break from life while at home, but his negative attitude towards us as children, not to mention always saying he’d do things for us that he never actually did, informs how I want to parent my own child and how I want to set expectations to never let my child think my words are meaningless. I don’t want to become my mom or my dad with my own child. I want to be and do better… a lot better, so that when Kaia is an adult, she actually wants to willingly spend time with me and enjoy time with me, and she doesn’t do it out of obligation or guilt.

I want Kaia to know every moment of her life how much I love her and how much she is wanted. I want her to know I’m always trying to be better to her and provide her with the best, but not at the expense of quality time together. I want her to hear me say I will do something, and for her to expect that yes, I will follow through on it. I don’t want her to harbor resentment against me or think I’m just pushing her away from me. I want to be an example to her of how to be, both in attitude toward the world as well as actions. That’s my takeaway from my sad dollhouse memories.

The most conflict-driven dream I’ve had in the last 3.5 months

Since I became more regular about daily meditation since end of December, my dreams, in Chris’s words, have become “boring.” Nothing exciting or even remotely annoying seems to happen in them. They are a far cry from the dreams I used to have, where I was usually yelling at or beating someone who was frustrating me.

However, a couple days ago, I had the most conflict-driven dream I’ve had since mid-December. I was at the Great America amusement park in Santa Clara, California, getting bored and wanting to go home. I had arrived by a charter bus that had set times it would take me back to San Francisco, and I realized that the next bus going back was just in 15 minutes, so I picked up my bag and started walking over to the bus. However, on my way there, I passed by a bakery store front with a familiar name: Bushwick Hot Bread. It’s actually the name of an Aussie-run home-delivery baked goods side gig that an Australian chef at Eleven Madison Park started during the pandemic when she could no longer work in the restaurant. Chris found out about her and started ordering her baked goods, ranging from lamingtons to sausage rolls, late last year, and we have both been loving her stuff. In addition to that, we also interact with her regularly on Instagram, and we follow each other.

Anyway, so I knew I had to run in to buy some baked goodies. I ran in to pick up a few things, and instead of ringing me up, the Aussie workers there just wanted to chat me up. I insisted I had to leave because I had a bus to catch, but they totally ignored what I said, instead carrying on conversation as though I had not expressed any urgency in leaving. I was left debating whether I should wait to get my items totaled up or just leave without the baked goods…. but I REALLY wanted the baked goods….

Well, that’s my subconscious “conflict” now – to have or not to have Aussie treats.