Children: the petri dish of germs

Since Kaia has started at her new school, we figured it would only be a short time until she caught something from one of her classmates. She became boogery and snotty about two weeks in. The last week of September, I also became a little under the weather and had a stuffy nose. I was constantly blowing my nose, but the good news was that it ended there. It didn’t develop into a sore throat or cough or anything worse. I was still functional, as was she. But in the last week, she is still boogery and coughing, and I can hear phlegm when she coughs. This past Saturday morning, I woke up and knew something wasn’t right. My throat was sore, and my nose didn’t feel right. After Saturday’s Rendang Hang, I woke up with my throat hurting even more, plus my body felt sore. All the talking probably didn’t help that evening, and fast forward to now, I definitely know I am under the weather: headache, sore body, phlegm, stuffy nose, sore throat. This is no fun.

I am lucky to say that this is the first time I’ve actually really been under the weather this year. To date, I’ve taken zero sick days from work, which is pretty impressive since Kaia has been in school this whole time, actively collecting germs and snot from her little friends. So I guess October isn’t too late in the year to take a sick day.

Kaia, the Chindianese eater

Like every toddler, Kaia has her moments with food. Although relatively speaking, she is a very adventurous toddler and loves a large variety of foods, I suppose it’s also helped that I was extremely rigorous with exposing her to as many flavors, foods, and cuisines as possible before she turned age 1. I am proud to say that she loves many of the foods of her cultures, whether that is various forms of tofu (she is particularly fond of pressed smoked or five-spice tofu), gai lan and other Asian vegetables, dal, many different curries, cha lua, and pho broth. And her absolute favorite food, noodles, certainly defines her as my sweet noodle slurping baby. Today, she gobbled up a large amount of stir-fried pressed five spice tofu with celery and bell peppers for both lunch and dinner.

Sometimes when I watch Pookster eat, I am reminded of a conversation I overheard between my aunt (my dad’s younger sister) and one of my cousins shortly after he and his wife had their two kids. My aunt was asking my cousin what his kids like to eat. When he named a bunch of generic American junk food like chicken tenders, fries, and pizza, my aunt, clearly not happy, asked why he and his wife let their kids eat all this junk. “Do they eat Chinese or Filipino food?” she asked. My cousin said they did not, and my aunt goes into a rage, pressing him as to why. My cousin insisted they “just don’t like it.”

“They are Chinese and Filipino! This is their culture!” my aunt cries. “How can they not eat their own cultures’ food? This is your fault! You are their parents! You have to teach them!”

As much as I disdain my aunt, she had a valid point. It’s really on parents of children to lead by example and teach them how to eat, what to eat, and what their heritage is about. The easiest way to appreciate culture is through food, and so if you cannot teach your child to enjoy their culture’s food, then what luck are you going to have with your child embracing other parts of their culture?

Caregiver Workshop: Developmental milestones for ages 3-5

This morning, I attended a caregiver workshop on developmental milestones for ages 3-5. It was hosted at Kaia’s school (the larger location a few blocks down), and the presentation was done by an instructional coordinator and a social worker who work for the Department of Education. Chris said he didn’t think it would be worth going to since he’d likely be able to find out all the information via a simple Google search. While that is likely true given the endless parenting resources that are available online, I thought it would be good to go for several reasons: 1) it’s nice to have in-person interaction, especially since I work from home 100 percent of the time), 2) it would be an interesting forum to discuss questions and concerns in a group format and have back and forth conversations, and 3) given these are done by the DOE, we’re lucky we even get access to this type of thing, so if we don’t take advantage of it and the turnout is low, they may end up discontinuing these, which would be to the detriment of those who don’t have the same resources we do.

And as I learned during the session, while data and general guidelines are useful and can always be obtained from pediatricians, medical professionals, and reputable online resources, it’s nice to be able to hear anecdotes about what social workers are actually seeing in the field. This format of nonfiction, “self-help” type book is also what I like the best: opinions backed up by data, as well as personal anecdotes peppered throughout. I always love hearing personal stories because our entire life is a continuous story. The social workers shared some scary anecdotes about developmental milestones getting delayed. They said that in the last five or so years, there have been an increase in cases of children as young as 2-years old who need occupational therapy referrals because they are somehow unable to turn a page of a book. They have no exposure at home to physical books, so instead, they get an iPad. They are so used to the motion of “swiping” up, down, left, and right, that their fingers just do not know how to pinch together to turn a paper page. That was mind boggling to me and made me feel so sad.

The families who don’t have the resources to buy their children physical, hard copy books, and/or the families who are so strapped for time that they cannot sit down and read a real book with their child — those are the families that need workshops and resources like these most. And I hope they are able to get access to them sooner rather than later.

Sweet potato leaves – not a family favorite

While reading Clarissa Wei’s Made in Taiwan cookbook, I learned that sweet potatoes made their way to Taiwan from China in the 17th century. Initially, the sweet potato’s leaves were consumed as food during famines when there was little else available to eat, and as livestock feed. This is why sweet potato leaves are often referred to as “the pig vegetable.” Original sweet potato leaves had coarser, rougher, tougher leaves, which made them more time-consuming to prepare. In the late 20th century, an agricultural center in Taiwan developed a new variety of sweet potato that was cultivated just for its leaves, which were more tender than the original varieties. Today, sweet potato leaves are cultivated worldwide, but they are mainly consumed in Asia. In Taiwan, you can oftentimes find stir-fried sweet potatoes leaves made by night market vendors, dressed up with a lot of crushed garlic for extra pungency and flavor.

Prior to this year, I’d never really given sweet potato leaves much thought. I’d only see them at Asian grocery stores, and because I didn’t know much about them, I never thought to buy them. Given that I’m down in Chinatown every weekday now given Kaia goes to school there, I figured it would be my opportunity to try to give unfamiliar Asian vegetables a try, especially when they are on special, so I have now purchased and cooked sweet potato leaves at least three or four times now.

Well, I’ll be honest: they are certainly not my favorite Asian vegetable, or any vegetable, for that matter. I bought it subsequent times because it added variety to our diet, and you can never have too much variety when it comes to fresh fruit and vegetables. But at dinner time today, Chris commented that he was NOT a fan.

“These sweet potato leaves… they are not good,” Chris said, begrudgingly crunching down on them. “Can you not buy them again?”

As he said this, Kaia was pushing them around on her tray, hesitant to eat more of them. Clearly, they were not her favorite Asian vegetable, either. We had to bribe her with a “treat” after dinner to finish eating her leaves (she got a quarter of a taro bao).

I told him that sweet potato leaves were looked at by older generations of Taiwanese people as famine food, so many of them to this day refuse to eat them because of the negative association. He quickly said he could understand that sentiment.

Okay, so I relented and said that if he really didn’t want them again, then I would no longer buy them. All I’m trying to do is diversify our gut biome as well as Kaia’s exposure to different produce, so can you really fault me for trying?

A play date in New Jersey

Kaia’s bestie from her old school/daycare, Jacob, and his family moved to Glen Ridge, New Jersey, earlier this year. It was a sad time because they were very close at school and talked about each other all the time. Chris and I had become friendly with Jacob’s parents, so we had a few play dates before they moved, and also went to a kids’ theater show at Lincoln Center together shortly after their move. They said that once they got enough furniture and things fixed in the house that they’d invite us over, so that day finally came today. Chris rented a Zipcar, and we drove the approximately 20 miles to Glen Ridge so that Kaia and Jacob could reunite.

Unfortunately, the day was quite wet, so we spent most of the day inside, other than the brief time we were out in their yard so that they could grill some late lunch. I got a brief tour of their vegetable boxes, and Kaia was excited to eat fresh raspberries off the bush. But it was sweet to see the two of them get excited to see and be around each other, even if that was still interspersed with fighting over toys and squabbling here and there.

On the ride back, I was reminded of how disgusting and infuriating New Jersey traffic can be. The entire drive back to Manhattan was bumper to bumper and miserable. It took an hour to get back even though the distance was only 20 miles. I wonder how people could possibly find this tolerable who do this multiple times a week? The traffic here never seems to get any better, yet people always think it’s a “better life” when you move out to the ‘burbs. From my perspective, it just feels like more annoying time spent in a car and in painful traffic.

A growing awareness of mortality

I’m almost done reading the book I am currently on, Matrescence. While I am not totally sure I would recommend the book, as it does tend to get on a number of tangents that are hard to follow at times, and it seems a bit like rambling at others as opposed to cohesively strung together thoughts, it does bring up a number of thoughts I’ve had about becoming a mother and about life in general. One thought that I was ruminating on after Kaia was born was that becoming a parent really does force you to think about your own mortality quite a bit. As a parent, you bring life into the world with the awareness that your goal, as ironic as it may be, is to raise that tiny blob into an independent adult who will one day not need you. And at some point, assuming all goes well and nothing tragic happens, is that that adult will one day live in a world without you in it; your child will outlive you, and you will die before they will. They will die after you (hopefully…. please). So becoming a parent makes you even more painfully cognizant of the fact that you will one day die, that your life on this earth is finite. It will come to an end. And so with that thought and fact is another thought: how are you going to make this life and all the moments that make it up worth it?

But that’s also another reason that it’s important for us as parents to have passions outside of our children, as all-consuming as parenting can be. One day, soon enough, Kaia will not want to spend that much time with us, and we should not expect her to fulfill all our needs and spend all her free time with us. I think that’s something that’s lost amongst many parents of our parents generation… like my own mom. In my early twenties, my mom used to get angry if she knew I was taking time off work to do anything other than go home and spend time with her. She used to call me selfish and threaten to make me pay her back for my college tuition (oftentimes used as a threat, as always). She said that all my vacation time should be spent with her. When I’d come home and spend time with friends, she would get angry and say that it wasn’t necessary and that I should be with her (you know, at home doing nothing). And at that time, I could not coherently verbalize why I thought that was wrong. But now, it makes perfect sense to me why all that talk did not sit well with me. As a parent, you are not just a parent. You are (potentially) a spouse, a sibling, a friend, a colleague, a citizen of the world. You also play other roles. And as your kids grow up, spread their wings, and fly away, you should also grow up and get back in contact with your own self and what you like to do and spend time on.

“Oh, she eats well!”

Our interactions with the teachers at Kaia’s new school have been a lot more limited than at our last school. We’re not allowed to enter the classroom as we please like we could at our last school. They keep the doors locked at all times. The only real time we can talk to them is at drop off (which Chris rarely does), or at pickup. At pickup, Kaia’s Chinese teacher has left, so there is another teacher’s assistant there along with the main teacher, but they are not the ones in charge of getting Kaia ready for dismissal. That’s the admin’s job. So I usually end up asking the admin quick questions about Kaia’s day. She always seems a bit frazzled, so I try not to ask too many things at once.

The other day, the admin wasn’t there, and another one of the teachers got Kaia ready and brought her to the door to meet me. I recognized the teacher’s face but forgot her name, so I reintroduced myself so that she’d tell me her name, too. I asked her how Kaia’s day was. She didn’t really give much of a response other than, “It was good.” But when I asked her how she ate, her face immediately broke into a huge grin and she said, “Oh, she eats well! She eats a LOT! She definitely enjoys eating and has no problem there at all!”

I laughed. Well, I already had a feeling she was eating well given the admin had told me, plus they had written us quick “kiddie grams” for her first two weeks, so we got quick summaries of how she ate, played, and interacted during the day. But it makes me happy to know that my baby is eating well when I am not there and that she doesn’t need much help in that area. I want Pookster to have a happy, healthy relationship with food and to eat to her heart’s content…. as long as it’s not processed garbage.

Beef rendang, coconut rice, and the rice cooker that decided to stop working

It seems to be a once-a-year activity now: I decided to defrost the beef chuck I picked up at Costco a few months ago to make a batch of rendang using the Sambal Lady’s rendang spice packet (in partnership with Burlap and Barrel, who I have grown to love and admire). Last year, I made the rendang with a leg of lamb I cut up. In 2022, I made it with beef chuck I purchased on sale at Whole Foods. Just like the previous two years, while the process was simplified greatly given I didn’t have to source all the different spices with Auria’s spice blend packet, it was still a labor of love since it takes low and slow cooking and stirring over the course of four hours. Prior to having a fully remote job, this would have been unthinkable as a weeknight meal unless I did it on the Sunday before Monday dinner. But I was able to adjust the heat and stir the beef mixture between meetings and work tasks yesterday, and the beef rendang came out beautifully.

I planned to serve the rendang with coconut rice (infused with some cardamom pods) made in our rice cooker, but I was sad to see that after 14 years of operation, the rice cooker decided to stop working. I had to salvage the partially boiled rice by dumping it all into a sauce pan and finishing it over the stove. RIP rice cooker, and hello to your updated replacement (the same brand) coming in a couple days!

I wasn’t sure if Kaia would enjoy the rendang given these spice packets were the original hot ones, and she’s recently been complaining about spicy food (that friggin’ Dragons Love Tacos book that demonizes spicy food!). So I was very pleasantly surprised to see her carefully inspecting the beef shreds, tearing them apart, and daintily placing small pieces in her mouth and chewing. She’d hesitate, ask for water or milk, then go back for seconds, thirds, and fourths. She did say the rendang was spicy, but she kept going back for more. This is ALL a good sign! I’m trying to raise a spice/heat loving little eater!

Was the rendang a big effort? Yes. But was it worth it? Darn right it was. And we have plenty of tasty leftovers for the next few days to keep the ROI going.

Mid-Autumn Festival: Lantern making with parents activity at school

Each month, Kaia’s new school will have activities where parents are invited to participate in the classroom. It’s done by lottery, and usually two parents will be invited to join each event. This month, I was selected as one of two caregivers to attend for the Mid-Autumn Moon Festival lantern making activity. I dropped Kaia off at the school at 8:30 and then came back at 10am for the lantern making. It was a bit haphazard, as nothing was really described beforehand, and we all just jumped into the activity. The kids were given the supplies, and steps were barely described even as we went about the activity. On a positive note, I finally got to meet the Chinese teacher, who comes in from 9-4:30 every day, which is why I hadn’t met her yet; we just never overlapped since I pick up at around 5pm.

Pookster was very excited to see me come into the classroom, but she reverted into a bit of a baby from the moment I arrived. She wanted me to do all the pasting and positioning of the mooncakes and rabbits for her on the lantern. She wanted to squirt liquid glue everywhere (which I was not an fan of…). And every time I got up to get supplies or my phone to take photos, she freaked out and followed me, thinking that I was going to leave. When she said she had to go pee, the Chinese teacher offered to take her, but she refused. So the Chinese teacher still took her, and I just sat and watched from outside the door so she could see me.

“It’s okay,” the Chinese teacher reassured me in Chinese. “All the kids are like this. Once their mommy comes, they just want mommy and no one else. She is usually good here and always listens. She’ll go back to normal once you leave.”

The activity barely lasted 30 minutes, so I really wasn’t there that long. When I had to leave, it was total pandemonium. One kid whose grandpa had come was crying because her grandpa was leaving, and then Kaia started crying loudly when I told her I had to go, but Daddy would come pick her up later. One of the admins picked her up to comfort her as I said bye and went out the door.

I’m not sure I should come to these events moving forward after this. I don’t want to disrupt the day and just want her to engage with the daily activities and have fun with her classmates. The admin reassured me this was all normal and not unique to her, so it is what it is. It just made me feel bad that when I wanted to participate when given an opportunity, I probably made the day worse in the end for my Pookster.

Cute toddler moments, continued

In this calendar year, it’s amazing how much Kaia’s speech has advanced. It’s almost like every day her sentences get more complex and her vocabulary grows. In just the last seven days of her new Chinese immersion school, she’s started speaking complete Chinese sentences to me. And when I’ve heard them, I’ve done a double take and stand there a little shocked. It’s as though she knows what she’s doing is impressing Chris and me because after she says a whole Chinese sentence, she will sit there and grin ear to ear. Or, the other hypothesis I have is that she’s been holding out all this time and just waiting to unleash her Chinese sentences on me, which could very well be the case since she’s such a cheeky bubba.

Sometimes, she will say sentences when she thinks neither of us is in the room or listening. The one time I laughed out loud earlier in May of this year was when she was in the snacks bar of a hotel where we were staying during Chris’s parents visit, and she kept going on and on when she got excited and saw the goldfish crackers: “Wow, goldfish! Ooooh, I like goldfish! Goldfish is yummy! So tasty, so good! I can’t have that!” She also knew she wasn’t allowed to touch it, so she never got her hands on it and just kept staring lovingly at the bags of goldfish crackers.

Today, she said, “I want orange” in Chinese. This doesn’t seem that exciting or complex, but the fact that she actually said, “I want (fill in the food)” was a big deal because she’s never even done that once before with me. She will say “want” or the name of what she wants, and that’s been it to date until now. She’s also said she likes x. It’s literally verbal baby steps.

While reading her Dragons Love Tacos book lately, there’s a page where there’s a large dragon sitting on top of a house. In the last couple weeks, she usually points at that dragon and says, “That’s a dinosaur on the house!” I’ve corrected her a few times and told her that it’s actually a dragon. She usually fights with me and gets upset, saying that it is really a dinosaur. So I’ve let her have her way with it and relent, responding that sure, it could be a dinosaur. Yesterday, she looked at the dragon on top of the house, paused for a bit, and said, “This is not a dinosaur. It’s actually a dragon!” I squeezed her and gave her a kiss and said, “Yes, Pookie! That’s right! It is actually a dragon!”

They grow so fast, people always say. It could not be truer for my Kaia Pookie.