Category Archives: Child rearing

Running into an American while at an Australian Costco in Moorabin

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It probably wasn’t the wisest decision to go to Costco just two days before Christmas to do a bunch of grocery shopping, but well, we did that today. Since Costco has come to Australia, the people Down Under have really embraced it: when we were exiting the car park just past 11am this morning, the queue of cars to get into Costco stretched farther than my eye could see. And of course, as each Costco has local goods for its local markets, you also see things here that you would never see in the U.S., such as Arnott’s Tim Tams, Dilmah tea bags, an endless and enticing selection of Australian shirazes from as far as Western Australia to South Australia, and lots of local seafood, such as barramundi, Tasmanian salmon, scallops on the half shell, and lobster from the Indian Ocean.

While in the produce section of Costco today, I asked for assistance from an employee since Chris’s mom had requested jalapenos and pomegranates, but I wasn’t able to find them. One of them told me that they had run out, and immediately, I heard her American accent. As I thanked her and wished her merry Christmas, she stopped me and asked if I was American, and I told her I was. We talked a bit: she shared that she had been living here for seven years already and was loving it. She came with her husband and two young kids for her husband’s work; since then, they’ve had two more kids and have zero intention of ever going back to the U.S.

“It’s so addictive being here!” She exclaimed enthusiastically. “You really get used to the lifestyle here and how much more relaxed it is. And also, I just don’t feel safe raising my kids in the U.S. How can you when it seems like every day, there’s a school shooting?!”

I always think of that in the back of my mind as the reason that most Americans (with kids) who leave the U.S. for other countries don’t want to move back. I told her I completely understood her view point, and that I had a toddler who had sadly already experienced lockdown procedures at her former daycare/school.

“That’s disgusting that kids that young would have to go through that!” the American Costco employee retorted.

During conversations like these, there’s really nothing you can say or do to defend the U.S. You just kind of have to sit in the contemplation of how deeply disturbing and awful American society has become, to think that school shootings are just another part of living there.

Kaia attempts chopsticks at Lulu’s Char Koay Teow – a proud parent moment

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A colleague of mine was telling me that despite having a PhD, well-paying job and successful career, a husband, and two twin boys, her dad has never really expressed pride for all she has accomplished. She is ethnically Indian, born and raised in the U.S., and said that when she started getting into making dosas (which she wasn’t raised with since her family is Punjabi), she *really* got into it and did many iterations of dosa batter to perfect her technique. When she mastered her batter, she then moved onto mastering getting it into the perfect flat, crispy circle on her tawa pan. And when she got it to where she was comfortable serving it to her relatives, she asked her dad to come over and be the ultimate judge. Her dad watched her carefully ladle the dosa batter onto the pan and spread the batter into a large, flat circle. And he grinned widely.

“Anita, you have mastered dosa!” he exclaimed. “This is my proudest moment as your father!”

She said to me, “Really? THAT was his proudest moment? The stupid dosa makes him prouder than everything I did throughout school, even my PhD, or the grandkids I gave him?!”

But it made me think about how proud I feel when Kaia masters things like… navigating around a lychee or cherry pit; when she was a baby and learned to “chew, chew, chew” before swallowing; when she cleaned her chicken drumstick of all the meat so that it was dryer than dry. And I was reminded once again of this feeling of pride when we saw Kaia at Lulu’s Char Koay Teow yesterday, clearly expending a lot of energy and focus in trying to master the art of using chopsticks to serve oneself food. Though she has been gifted two pairs of training chopsticks, we actually haven’t given them to her to try yet. In the meantime, she’s been demanding to use the regular chopsticks at our tables when dining out. At this meal, she attempted many times, failed a number of times, but simply just kept on going. She was successful more times than I could count getting the noodles into her mouth, and each time, she had a look of self-satisfaction on her face as she glanced at both of us for approval.

Everything has its season, as I was reminded by my night nurse three years ago, and as I am always reminded by parents of much older and adult children, and, well, as I remind myself all the time now. Kaia may not have cured cancer or earned a PhD at age 3. But the things she has mastered and is currently working hard on now, that are also seemingly age appropriate, are also worthy of recognition and praise. And so that’s why I love to sit in my moments of pride admiring her and appreciate it all for what it is.

Regarding my colleague’s story, this is how I replied, “I don’t know… I’m going to have to side with your dad on this one.”

The first time Pookster made me cry

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I’ve really become so soft since becoming a mother. I’m probably a bit more sensitive. I tear up and cry more easily at things. I’m definitely a lot more sentimental. But it wasn’t until today when Kaia finally made me cry because of something she said.

I was sitting at my in-laws’ dining table, indulging Kaia with fresh lychees I’d just peeled for her to enjoy. She was sitting there happily, meticulously biting and chewing all the lychee flesh around the little pits and spitting them out into her bowl. I rubbed her back and asked her if she loved me in Chinese.

She shook her head and said no.

I asked her why she didn’t love me. She hesitated between lychee bites. And she said, “I’m not happy, mummy. I’m sad.”

“Pookster, why are you sad?” I asked back, concerned.

“Because… because… because I’m a big girl,” Kaia slowly responded, looking down at her lychees, then at me. “I’m not mumma’s baby anymore.”

My eyes immediately welled up with tears, and they started falling down my face. I gave her a big hug and held her tightly. “Oh, Pookster! Nooooooooo. You will always, always be mumma’s baby no matter how old you are. You’re a big girl now, yes, but you will always be my baby. I will always love you no matter what. Always remember that, okay?”

Kaia looked down again, then peered up at me and smiled. “I love you, Mumma!” And then she reached out to hold my hand.

My baby is just so thoughtful, so sweet and affectionate. Since she was a baby, to me she has seemed like a deep thinker who usually thinks before she speaks, and thinks long and hard about things we say and tell her. I was of course sad at the sentiments she expressed. But I was also so sad, shocked, and even impressed at the depth of her thought. To think that at age 3, she is already thinking about her own evolution and how she is seen through my eyes is crazy. Every single damn day, this child impresses me and gives me new emotions. I’m so freaking proud to be her mummy.

Happy 3rd birthday to my precious little miracle baby

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To my sweet baby Kaia Pookie, aka Pookster, aka Hoji, aka xiao bao,

Happy 3rd birthday, my precious little. It’s crazy to think that exactly three years ago, I thought my uterus and vagina were going to explode when I was in labor with you. But somehow I didn’t die and made it through with flying colors, and out came sweet, affectionate, thoughtful, curious, cheeky, flavor-loving YOU.

Every day you surprise me with what you learn and absorb in this world: your massively increasing vocabulary and syntax in both English and Chinese, your thoughtfulness, your adventure seeking ways, and your love of travel in all forms, whether it’s on the bus, subway, high-speed train, or airplanes; your crazy good memory that remembers faces and names of those you’d seen ages ago, as well as who is whose mummy and who is whose partner.

My sweet Kaia Pookie — I have loved and appreciated far more about life and love since you literally plopped out of my body and into my world. It sounds ridiculous to say this, especially given how many women get pregnant and how many babies are born every single day, but sometimes, I truly feel astounded that I was lucky enough to get pregnant, carry, and birth you. There are so many people in the world who would love to be mummies and daddies and do not get the privilege or pleasure; infertility/sub-fertility are on the rise globally, and not a day goes by when I do not remember that or hear a related story that is affecting a friend or colleague, or someone else tangentially related to someone in my circle. Daddy and I were lucky on our IVF journey. Not everyone else is so lucky who embarks on that tumultuous road. That’s why every day, I know exactly how lucky I am to call you my baby, and for you to call me your mumma.

Motherhood is all at once the most infuriating (oh, your tantrums and strong AF opinions!) and most incredible thing I’ve ever done. But I thank you for giving me the privilege and opportunity to be your mumma – mumma to the cuddliest little globe-trotting tiny human I’ve ever known. I love you to the ends of this earth, my sweet baby. You will always be my baby no matter what — even when you are 5, 15, 50, and 100. As I tell you in Chinese every night before bed; Every day, mama will take care of you, protect you, and love you — always.

The ease of movement across multiple airline lounges by a little near-3-year-old

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I had never entered an airline lounge until circa 2011-2012 (so around ages 25-26), when I earned the lowest status on United Airlines (or Star Alliance, their airline network) and was given a handful of complimentary lounge passes, and when I started traveling with Chris, who had access to the Qantas lounges. When I first entered the United lounges in the U.S., I thought to myself, meh. I don’t think I am missing much. Sure, there I got access to free Wi-Fi and some mediocre snacks, as well as some slightly more comfortable chairs and couches for lounging, but it didn’t seem like that much of an upgrade. Plus, with American carriers, it didn’t matter what level of status you had with the airline because you still had to pay extra for lounge access, which is usually somewhere in the ballpark of $400-500/year. it seemed like a steep premium to pay for mediocre “benefits” like crappy pretzels.

Kaia has had access to airline lounges since her very first flight when she was just eight months old. Since then, she’s been in airline lounges literally around the world — in the U.S., Australia, Europe, Asia, and the Middle East. She doesn’t even know what life is like to not have access to an airline lounge. Today during our long layover at LAX to head to Melbourne, we moved between the Qantas First lounge and the Qantas Business lounge, which is considered more casual and more child friendly. The only reason we did this was that Kaia threw a loud, sobbing tantrum when I told her she couldn’t just steal everything off counters and throw objects everywhere. People always talk about the “terrible 2s,” but only current parents of littles talk about how much more terrifying the 3s period is… because that’s when young children have developed stronger opinions and preferences, as well as a larger vocabulary to voice said opinions. And well, Kaia is no different. In the last few weeks, she’s probably had some of the worst and loudest tantrums of her life to to date. As I was forcing her into her stroller to whisk her off to the business lounge while Chris had his shower, one of the Qantas lounge employees lightly suggested that she might want to play in the kids’ play area of the business lounge. I told them we were already on our way there, so off we went.

And typical Kaia: you tell her that a designated area is where she should be (as in, the kids’ play area), and she immediately does the opposite and wants to get the hell out and be free with all the adults, ASAP. Oddly enough, the business lounge had no kids other than Kaia today. So everywhere we went, she was the only little person wandering around and trying to overtake the place.

I don’t know how old Kaia will be when she realizes what a luxurious lifestyle she’s had, basically since birth. I wonder what it will be like when she’s slightly older and more verbal, and she tells her classmates about all these experiences and how foreign they will sound to her little peers. I can only hope she will be humble and not seem snobbish or conceited about it, and ultimately recognize how lucky and privileged she is.

Kaia finally poops at school

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Since she started showing signs of shame around pooping earlier this year, Kaia has not pooped at school. Back then, she was still in diapers, but she would still wait until she got home to poop. Then we went through potty training in August. She mastered peeing in the potty right away, but poop was a struggle initially. After several weeks of hiccups, she finally started getting comfortable with “letting go.” She pooped easily in her small potty at home. But it took some coaxing for her to poop in hotels. She would never poop at school. Every time we asked, the teachers always said she’d only pee in the potty at school. We kept hoping, though. Chris even said that when she finally pooped at school (in the potty, NOT in her pants!), he’d get her a pair of shoes with lights, which she’d been asking for since she started at this school in September.

Then came the last day of school for Kaia this year on December 6. At pickup, I got a quick debrief of her day from the admin. And before we left, she stopped me and said, “Oh, wait! I almost forgot! Something amazing happened today, Mommy! KAIA POOPED IN THE POTTY!”

She reported to me that Kaia had simply told them she wanted to go to the potty. She hopped on top of the toilet, took her little dump, and then declared she was “All done!” And the teacher was shocked to see she had pooped.

My baby is most definitely growing up. Her bowel movements are getting more comfortable everywhere, including school! She doesn’t just poop at home and at fancy hotels anymore!

Kaia’s birthday party day did not go as expected

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If there is something to always be aware of when it comes to young children, it’s to know that things will rarely go as expected, and your child is unlikely to feel how you think they will feel about literally almost anything.

Kaia excitedly wore her winter princess dress that my friend got her last year for her birthday party day at school today. We also had her wear her new light-up shoes that Chris got her, which she was extremely happy about. I delivered the pre-ordered mixed fresh fruit cake to her school before the party time, and also got her a rose gold (really, it’s pink) “3” balloon for the party. The teachers were charged with passing out goodie bags to her and her 19 other classmates.

Well, Kaia unexpectedly took a nap right before the party and woke up very groggy and annoyed. She hasn’t napped at school in weeks, so it was a bit funny she decided to nap today. Then, when it was party time, the admin let me know that she was still very groggy and tired. Kaia also seemed overwhelmed by all the birthday attention and was sort of recoiling. “I just want to warn you, Mommy, that she’s not very happy looking in the photos,” the admin told me at pickup time.

And how annoying for me was that this cake that I chose for her ended up completely going uneaten by her. She didn’t seem to like it and just took one bite of it, declaring she was all done. All her classmates went nuts over the cake; there was literally nothing leftover even for the teachers (which was crazy because this was a large cake!!). I’m sad I wasn’t even able to try it out myself.

At least Kaia was completely enamored by her 3 balloon. She kept hugging it and holding it the entire ride back to the Upper East Side. I took her to the doctor’s office for a COVID booster, went to Trader Joe’s with her proudly holding her balloon, then ran an errand at Duane Reade before heading home. When we finally got home, she had a tantrum that lasted over 20 minutes because she didn’t want to take off her light-up shoes. I knew this would happen. I eventually coaxed her out of the shoes. We spent some time making pumpkin tiramisu for dessert tomorrow when my friend and her mom come over, and she enjoyed time with her goodie bag contents, especially her stickers and bubbles. I presented her second pair of light-up shoes I got her from an Amazon Black Friday deal, and she insisted she go to sleep with them.

Toddlers and their tantrums and big feelings. I honestly feel like her tantrums have gotten worse in the last few weeks. Maybe the “terrible 2s” really aren’t so terrible, and that what we should really be more concerned about are the “terrifying 3s” when kids have developed even stronger opinions, larger vocabularies, and likely even larger “big feelings.” I try to take it in stride, but wow. Sometimes, these moments really, really do test my patience.

Kaia’s 3rd birthday party planning

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Since Kaia has started at her new school in Manhattan Chinatown, there have already been a number of birthdays that have been celebrated across the 2s, 3s (her class), and the 4K class. Cake, fun snacks, and goodie bags have been provided by the families, and so we thought Kaia would like it if we also did this for her early birthday celebration for her classmates, as they are essentially her day-to-day friends. She clearly loves birthdays and parties, and she has been saying she wants her own birthday event endlessly. Chris organized all the goodie bags for the three classes, and I am taking care of ordering her birthday cake (a mixed fresh fruit sponge cake from Manna House Bakery, one of my favorite spots, in Chinatown) and birthday balloon and delivering them to the school.

Kaia knows she’s having a little birthday party at school. She’s been talking nonstop about her birthday party, her birthday cake, and her presents. As one of her many gifts, Chris got her the most requested present she’s had since September: shoes with lights on them. Chris told her she would get shoes with lights — *if* she only pooped in the potty. And Pookster certainly listened. She’s had zero poop accidents since as far as I can remember now. Chris unveiled the shoes to her tonight, and she went nuts: she immediately wanted to put them on and constantly stomped her feet on the floor to get the lights to twinkle. She even wanted to take them to bed with her along with one of the goodie bags!

It makes me so happy to watch her face light up when she sees things that excite her, like shoes with lights, or a cake she knows is just for her. Her excitement is pure, unadulterated, and unambiguous. Unfortunately, the school wouldn’t let us be there for her little birthday party, so I asked them to share the photos directly with us so we’d have the original files. I’m sure we will have more birthday festivities for her once we’re in Melbourne, but I know she will enjoy all the attention and the party centered around her with her classmates.

Kaia always wants both parents with her at all times

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People often ask us if Kaia prefers one of us over the other. I think for the longest time, she preferred Chris for comforting and holding, but occasionally in the last year, she has shown a preference for me. I think it’s very much situational: if one of us is not giving her what she wants, she will prefer the other and say she doesn’t like the other parent. That’s typical and expected toddler behavior, so I try not to let it get to me when she says things like “I don’t like mummy” or “I don’t want mummy.”

Tonight, I went out to meet a friend visiting from out of town for dinner. Before I even said anything, she knew I was getting ready to go out. She got feisty and said she didn’t want mummy to leave, that she wanted mummy to stay. I explained to her that mummy’s friend is in town and wants to have dinner, so I will just be out for few hours and come back. She had a melt town in the doorway and said she didn’t want me to leave and go out with friends. She kept demanding, “I want a hug! I want a kiss! I want a hug! I want a kiss!” over and over again. I kept relenting until Chris looked at me and said I needed to just go, otherwise this would go on until I would be late. By the time I got to the elevator, I could still hear her crying and yelling for me. She had just done a big poop in her little potty, and after most poops even now, she still wants her “reward” of a sticker. So she asked for a sticker from Chris, who gave one to her. She usually likes to proudly show me her new sticker after he gives it to her, but I wasn’t there this time. So instead, she “showed” it to me by bringing the sticker over to the front door and holding it out to “show” mummy.

Chris shared this story with me when I got back. I couldn’t help but “Awwwwww!” at how cute and sweet it was. That’s my sweet baby Kaia Pookie.

When your toddler doesn’t understand what’s happening and still shows love

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Being in the ER was no fun. It was also frustrating because I spent so long there, just over six hours, when I was originally told I’d be there for about four hours end to end. And not knowing whether I was going to be able to make our original flight was unnerving from a logistics standpoint. But what was cute was seeing how Kaia responded to all of it. The night before, when it was evident that I found it challenging and painful to speak and eat, I tried to explain to her in my croaking whisper voice that I wasn’t feeling well and that I needed to rest in Chinese. She responded back in Chinese, “No, I want mama to be comfortable. I want mama to be comfortable!” It was really sweet and almost made me tear up to see how affectionate and concerned she was being.

While spending almost all Saturday at home when she expected to head to the airport, Kaia got upset when Chris tried to get the both of them dressed towards the end of the day to pick up soup and yogurt for me since I couldn’t eat solid foods. Kaia had a melt down and started screaming and crying, saying she didn’t want to go to the airport without Mummy. “We need to wait for Mummy to come home! We can’t go to airport without her!” she cried. My heart almost broke when Chris told me she said this after I got home from the ER.

I hope Kaia is always filled with this much love, affection, and empathy. These are the moments I absolutely love — seeing her grow and blossom and show how deeply human and compassionate she is as a growing tiny person. It would be a shame not to write all these moments down and document them to share with her once she is older and able to see how far she has come. These are the special moments that make me realize exactly how lucky I am to experience motherhood and having a child — a truly beautiful child, inside and out.