Kaia jumps into the water

On Sunday and Monday, Kaia had swim lessons on back-to-back days since we had to schedule a makeup class from last month. I took her to class on Sunday while Chris had a dentist appointment, and Chris took her to the makeup class on Monday. In the last month, she recently graduated from level 2 swim to level 3 swim, which some people remark and (half) joke that it could be considered more of a “graduation” for parents than the kids: once level 3 starts at British Swim School, the caretaker/parent no longer needs to be in the water with the child. The child has to clear several requirements, though, including being able to float on their back unassisted (the instructor keeps their hand under their back just in case) and being able to not cry/be content without the caretaker/parent in the water. 

Chris got a really good video of Kaia jumping into the water on Monday. The instructor asked her to jump in, and seconds later, without even a hint of fear on her face, she simply jumped in, then rotated onto her back on command from the teacher. Her usual teacher was doing admin work that day at that pool, but he’s in the background of the video watching. When she eagerly jumps in, his whole face breaks out into a huge grin. Clearly, Chris and I are not the only ones proud of Kaia Pookie! 

I played the video several times and marveled over her bravery and eagerness in the water, and she’s not even three years old yet. I feel so happy and proud that she’s done so well with swim lessons so far and that she’s quite fearless overall. I was never as lucky as she was when I was her age to have swim lessons this young. I didn’t even learn to swim until I was 15, and to this day, I’m still terrified of open and/or deep water. In my summer swim classes I took after sophomore year, I never graduated from free-style swim strokes to diving. So I’ve never properly learned to dive either. Even though I didn’t have those things, I’m so happy to give Kaia the opportunity to have what I didn’t have. I can live vicariously through my baby. And I’m also grateful she has teachers who are clearly passionate about her achieving swimming mastery. 

Halloween Parade at Kaia’s school

Kaia’s school had a Halloween parade today at 11am, so I decided to book a co-working space through my company and work in nearby SoHo so I’d easily be able to attend. The “parade” is basically just the kids and teachers walking a number of blocks around the school to show off their costumes. Occasionally, some businesses will have employees who will come out to cheer the kids on and even offer them trick-or-treat candy. A lot of parents showed up, and we had a lot of photos taken of the kids with the parents, as well as multiple group shots. It’s always so adorable to see the kids dressed up in their costumes. They’re always so proud to show off and be seen.

The parents were asked to wait outside the front entrance of the school for the parade to begin. As soon as Kaia saw me, she immediately tried to run out to greet me, but she was told to wait until she was told to walk out with the teacher holding her hand. She came out and was very clingy, but as the parade went on, though she continued holding my hand and hugged me when she had a chance, she was still eager to chat and interact with her friends. When it was time for the parents to leave and for the kids to go back into the classroom for their Halloween pizza party, she barely kissed or hugged me and ran inside, yelling, “Bye bye, mummy! See you later!”

This year, Chris got Kaia a cow costume, which Kaia was completely enamored with when we presented it to her last night. We made the mistake of letting her try it on, and she refused to take it off and had a huge melt down when we finally got it off. She was completely obsessed and kept admiring herself in the mirror with it on, constantly yelling out, “Mooo! Mooooo!” She insisted that she sleep with it as though it was a stuffed animal, and she continued to hold onto it and drag it everywhere with her. When she inevitably made it to our bed in the middle of the night, she dragged the cow costume with her and screamed and yelled when she couldn’t locate where it was on the bed (even though… it was usually just at her feet or beside her, and she just couldn’t see it).

We’re planning to let her do a little trick-or-treating in the building this early evening, so we will see how that goes with getting the candy out of her hands… As we know that mummy and daddy will need to “test” all the candy out for her to ensure it’s safe for consumption…

Toddler moments: chasing after a squirrel

On Friday when we arrived in Albany, in the late afternoon we went to the State Capitol area and let Kaia run around the buildings, green areas, and The Egg. It suddenly dawned on me while we were roaming around the area how rare it is that we just let her run free in any open area without being within arm’s reach of her. She reveled in it and soaked it all up, running and giggling with glee everywhere. She especially got excited every time she saw a squirrel, as she’d try to chase it until it ran up a tree. Then, she would whine and wave her arms up and down, yelling, “Why’d you go up the tree! Come back! Come back!” She’d feebly attempt to wrap her arms around the tree trunk in a weak attempt to hoist herself up the tree, then would immediately stop and just whine that the squirrel got away. I documented some of it via video and laughed each time. It was just too adorable to watch.

Her innocence in a photo is one thing, but video certainly takes capturing her moments to another level. It reminded me of when I listened to the YouTube star/food influencer Mark Wiens years ago, and he talked about how he originally documented all the food he ate on his travels via his blog. But after a little bit of time, he realized that while he enjoyed writing and and taking photos, it just wasn’t enough to capture the three-dimensional side of food, energy, and life. He needed to incorporate video to truly make his experiences come to life, and to allow his audience to experience what he was experiencing as though they were there.

I’m grateful to have easy access to technology to so easily document all my moments with her and her growth. That evening, I played the video of her yelling at the squirrel and commenting how she didn’t want it to get away over and over. This goes into my memory box of moments I never want to forget because of how innocent and truly adorable she is at this moment in time, at this age. Each day, Kaia is growing, getting bigger, smarter, and more mature. Each day, she changes. But I’ll always have these videos to go back to and watch and remember how amazing these times with her were at this point in time.

My toddler is slowly overtaking all my possessions

When I was growing up, I fondly remember claiming all of my mother’s belongings as my own. I’d try on her shirts and sweaters. I would put on her jewelry every time I was able to get my hands on them (and occasionally, much to her anger, would break some pieces…). I’d walk around with her high heels (and then subsequently fell down the stairs that way). I even got into her bathroom cabinet and applied her face cream. She drew the line, though, when I attempted to apply her eyeshadow and lipstick: she did NOT want me putting anything on my face. I did all these things before the age of 5. Like most little kids, I loved the idea of “playing grown-up.” The world of grown-ups, from a child’s perspective, is truly riveting and endlessly exciting, full of possibilities. So it’s no wonder that Kaia shows all of these same desires every time she sees Chris and me do anything she knows she’s not supposed to do.

She will oftentimes ask if she can drink some of our coffee or tea. She always tries to put on my shoes and has recently attempted to put on my hoodies and socks. Instead of playing with her own play pots, she will want to play with my real pots. She knows that when I put sunblock on her that I have my own sunblock, and so she’s asked to use mine (and I usually say no). She has recently asked if she could wear my earrings, but I told her she can’t (yet) because she doesn’t have her ears pierced. She loves to twirl them around in her hand and play with them while they’re dangling from my ears. The rare times she gets her hands on my phone or Kindle, she says that these items are hers.

And perhaps the most frustrating (and cute) thing she has been doing lately is that at some point in the middle of the night, she will creep over from her bed onto ours. I will try to set up a pillow for her at the foot of the bed, but she will consistently refuse. Instead, she will insist that she sleeps right in the middle of MY pillow on my side of the bed. And she knows exactly what she’s doing: she will have this huge grin on her face as she looks up at me, sleepy eyed staring back at her. I have to fight her for my pillow and side of the bed. Sometimes she will stage a protest and try to sit up and not sleep. Or, she will run to the couch and just sit there and wait for me to get her. Chris always wakes up and lays down the law, though: she either has to sleep at the foot of the bed between us, or “you have to go back to Hoji’s bed,” he admonishes her. She usually listens to this and then acquiesces, placing her head on the pillow at the foot of the bed and minutes later, passing out.

Children: the petri dish of germs

Since Kaia has started at her new school, we figured it would only be a short time until she caught something from one of her classmates. She became boogery and snotty about two weeks in. The last week of September, I also became a little under the weather and had a stuffy nose. I was constantly blowing my nose, but the good news was that it ended there. It didn’t develop into a sore throat or cough or anything worse. I was still functional, as was she. But in the last week, she is still boogery and coughing, and I can hear phlegm when she coughs. This past Saturday morning, I woke up and knew something wasn’t right. My throat was sore, and my nose didn’t feel right. After Saturday’s Rendang Hang, I woke up with my throat hurting even more, plus my body felt sore. All the talking probably didn’t help that evening, and fast forward to now, I definitely know I am under the weather: headache, sore body, phlegm, stuffy nose, sore throat. This is no fun.

I am lucky to say that this is the first time I’ve actually really been under the weather this year. To date, I’ve taken zero sick days from work, which is pretty impressive since Kaia has been in school this whole time, actively collecting germs and snot from her little friends. So I guess October isn’t too late in the year to take a sick day.

Kaia, the Chindianese eater

Like every toddler, Kaia has her moments with food. Although relatively speaking, she is a very adventurous toddler and loves a large variety of foods, I suppose it’s also helped that I was extremely rigorous with exposing her to as many flavors, foods, and cuisines as possible before she turned age 1. I am proud to say that she loves many of the foods of her cultures, whether that is various forms of tofu (she is particularly fond of pressed smoked or five-spice tofu), gai lan and other Asian vegetables, dal, many different curries, cha lua, and pho broth. And her absolute favorite food, noodles, certainly defines her as my sweet noodle slurping baby. Today, she gobbled up a large amount of stir-fried pressed five spice tofu with celery and bell peppers for both lunch and dinner.

Sometimes when I watch Pookster eat, I am reminded of a conversation I overheard between my aunt (my dad’s younger sister) and one of my cousins shortly after he and his wife had their two kids. My aunt was asking my cousin what his kids like to eat. When he named a bunch of generic American junk food like chicken tenders, fries, and pizza, my aunt, clearly not happy, asked why he and his wife let their kids eat all this junk. “Do they eat Chinese or Filipino food?” she asked. My cousin said they did not, and my aunt goes into a rage, pressing him as to why. My cousin insisted they “just don’t like it.”

“They are Chinese and Filipino! This is their culture!” my aunt cries. “How can they not eat their own cultures’ food? This is your fault! You are their parents! You have to teach them!”

As much as I disdain my aunt, she had a valid point. It’s really on parents of children to lead by example and teach them how to eat, what to eat, and what their heritage is about. The easiest way to appreciate culture is through food, and so if you cannot teach your child to enjoy their culture’s food, then what luck are you going to have with your child embracing other parts of their culture?

Caregiver Workshop: Developmental milestones for ages 3-5

This morning, I attended a caregiver workshop on developmental milestones for ages 3-5. It was hosted at Kaia’s school (the larger location a few blocks down), and the presentation was done by an instructional coordinator and a social worker who work for the Department of Education. Chris said he didn’t think it would be worth going to since he’d likely be able to find out all the information via a simple Google search. While that is likely true given the endless parenting resources that are available online, I thought it would be good to go for several reasons: 1) it’s nice to have in-person interaction, especially since I work from home 100 percent of the time), 2) it would be an interesting forum to discuss questions and concerns in a group format and have back and forth conversations, and 3) given these are done by the DOE, we’re lucky we even get access to this type of thing, so if we don’t take advantage of it and the turnout is low, they may end up discontinuing these, which would be to the detriment of those who don’t have the same resources we do.

And as I learned during the session, while data and general guidelines are useful and can always be obtained from pediatricians, medical professionals, and reputable online resources, it’s nice to be able to hear anecdotes about what social workers are actually seeing in the field. This format of nonfiction, “self-help” type book is also what I like the best: opinions backed up by data, as well as personal anecdotes peppered throughout. I always love hearing personal stories because our entire life is a continuous story. The social workers shared some scary anecdotes about developmental milestones getting delayed. They said that in the last five or so years, there have been an increase in cases of children as young as 2-years old who need occupational therapy referrals because they are somehow unable to turn a page of a book. They have no exposure at home to physical books, so instead, they get an iPad. They are so used to the motion of “swiping” up, down, left, and right, that their fingers just do not know how to pinch together to turn a paper page. That was mind boggling to me and made me feel so sad.

The families who don’t have the resources to buy their children physical, hard copy books, and/or the families who are so strapped for time that they cannot sit down and read a real book with their child — those are the families that need workshops and resources like these most. And I hope they are able to get access to them sooner rather than later.

Sweet potato leaves – not a family favorite

While reading Clarissa Wei’s Made in Taiwan cookbook, I learned that sweet potatoes made their way to Taiwan from China in the 17th century. Initially, the sweet potato’s leaves were consumed as food during famines when there was little else available to eat, and as livestock feed. This is why sweet potato leaves are often referred to as “the pig vegetable.” Original sweet potato leaves had coarser, rougher, tougher leaves, which made them more time-consuming to prepare. In the late 20th century, an agricultural center in Taiwan developed a new variety of sweet potato that was cultivated just for its leaves, which were more tender than the original varieties. Today, sweet potato leaves are cultivated worldwide, but they are mainly consumed in Asia. In Taiwan, you can oftentimes find stir-fried sweet potatoes leaves made by night market vendors, dressed up with a lot of crushed garlic for extra pungency and flavor.

Prior to this year, I’d never really given sweet potato leaves much thought. I’d only see them at Asian grocery stores, and because I didn’t know much about them, I never thought to buy them. Given that I’m down in Chinatown every weekday now given Kaia goes to school there, I figured it would be my opportunity to try to give unfamiliar Asian vegetables a try, especially when they are on special, so I have now purchased and cooked sweet potato leaves at least three or four times now.

Well, I’ll be honest: they are certainly not my favorite Asian vegetable, or any vegetable, for that matter. I bought it subsequent times because it added variety to our diet, and you can never have too much variety when it comes to fresh fruit and vegetables. But at dinner time today, Chris commented that he was NOT a fan.

“These sweet potato leaves… they are not good,” Chris said, begrudgingly crunching down on them. “Can you not buy them again?”

As he said this, Kaia was pushing them around on her tray, hesitant to eat more of them. Clearly, they were not her favorite Asian vegetable, either. We had to bribe her with a “treat” after dinner to finish eating her leaves (she got a quarter of a taro bao).

I told him that sweet potato leaves were looked at by older generations of Taiwanese people as famine food, so many of them to this day refuse to eat them because of the negative association. He quickly said he could understand that sentiment.

Okay, so I relented and said that if he really didn’t want them again, then I would no longer buy them. All I’m trying to do is diversify our gut biome as well as Kaia’s exposure to different produce, so can you really fault me for trying?

A play date in New Jersey

Kaia’s bestie from her old school/daycare, Jacob, and his family moved to Glen Ridge, New Jersey, earlier this year. It was a sad time because they were very close at school and talked about each other all the time. Chris and I had become friendly with Jacob’s parents, so we had a few play dates before they moved, and also went to a kids’ theater show at Lincoln Center together shortly after their move. They said that once they got enough furniture and things fixed in the house that they’d invite us over, so that day finally came today. Chris rented a Zipcar, and we drove the approximately 20 miles to Glen Ridge so that Kaia and Jacob could reunite.

Unfortunately, the day was quite wet, so we spent most of the day inside, other than the brief time we were out in their yard so that they could grill some late lunch. I got a brief tour of their vegetable boxes, and Kaia was excited to eat fresh raspberries off the bush. But it was sweet to see the two of them get excited to see and be around each other, even if that was still interspersed with fighting over toys and squabbling here and there.

On the ride back, I was reminded of how disgusting and infuriating New Jersey traffic can be. The entire drive back to Manhattan was bumper to bumper and miserable. It took an hour to get back even though the distance was only 20 miles. I wonder how people could possibly find this tolerable who do this multiple times a week? The traffic here never seems to get any better, yet people always think it’s a “better life” when you move out to the ‘burbs. From my perspective, it just feels like more annoying time spent in a car and in painful traffic.

A growing awareness of mortality

I’m almost done reading the book I am currently on, Matrescence. While I am not totally sure I would recommend the book, as it does tend to get on a number of tangents that are hard to follow at times, and it seems a bit like rambling at others as opposed to cohesively strung together thoughts, it does bring up a number of thoughts I’ve had about becoming a mother and about life in general. One thought that I was ruminating on after Kaia was born was that becoming a parent really does force you to think about your own mortality quite a bit. As a parent, you bring life into the world with the awareness that your goal, as ironic as it may be, is to raise that tiny blob into an independent adult who will one day not need you. And at some point, assuming all goes well and nothing tragic happens, is that that adult will one day live in a world without you in it; your child will outlive you, and you will die before they will. They will die after you (hopefully…. please). So becoming a parent makes you even more painfully cognizant of the fact that you will one day die, that your life on this earth is finite. It will come to an end. And so with that thought and fact is another thought: how are you going to make this life and all the moments that make it up worth it?

But that’s also another reason that it’s important for us as parents to have passions outside of our children, as all-consuming as parenting can be. One day, soon enough, Kaia will not want to spend that much time with us, and we should not expect her to fulfill all our needs and spend all her free time with us. I think that’s something that’s lost amongst many parents of our parents generation… like my own mom. In my early twenties, my mom used to get angry if she knew I was taking time off work to do anything other than go home and spend time with her. She used to call me selfish and threaten to make me pay her back for my college tuition (oftentimes used as a threat, as always). She said that all my vacation time should be spent with her. When I’d come home and spend time with friends, she would get angry and say that it wasn’t necessary and that I should be with her (you know, at home doing nothing). And at that time, I could not coherently verbalize why I thought that was wrong. But now, it makes perfect sense to me why all that talk did not sit well with me. As a parent, you are not just a parent. You are (potentially) a spouse, a sibling, a friend, a colleague, a citizen of the world. You also play other roles. And as your kids grow up, spread their wings, and fly away, you should also grow up and get back in contact with your own self and what you like to do and spend time on.