Category Archives: Child rearing

“It’s okay. You can buy me another one.”

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Being a parent has endless infuriating moments, like the table toppling over yesterday at the cafe with two hot drinks, but it also is balanced by endless sweet moments, as well, that make me gush and feel so thankful for the privilege of being a parent. Lucky me — since she was a baby, Kaia has always loved endless cuddles and kisses. She is extremely affectionate and loves being touched. One of my friends lamented to me that neither of her daughters leta her cuddle with her, that they actively avoid it and try to get out of their mom’s arms when she attempts to hold them. So every time Chris grumbles about Kaia’s moments of neediness, I always remind him that we should be grateful that our little one is so openly loving and affectionate. One day sooner than we think, she will want to have nothing to do with us in public, and will certainly not let us cuddle with her.

Like all little kids, she is slowly but surely growing into a big kid. And she’s demonstrating a greater understanding of how things work. For example, she knows that if we want to go to the bakery next door to her school that mama needs to have cash in order to buy bao (Double Crispy is cash-only, like most Chinatown bakeries). She also knows that when packages arrive, they are either gifts, or they are things that mama and daddy paid money for. End understanding: things cost money. When one of my friends came to visit in January, she presented Kaia with a new gift: a Disney princess necklace beading kit. Kaia was really excited, as she thoroughly enjoyed the beading stations for endless necklaces at Space Club the two times we went last year. This afternoon, we were beading the necklaces together and probably putting too many beads on the necklaces when it dawned on her that we would not have enough beads for all five necklaces; we had enough for about four. She started frowning when she realized the dilemma we were in. How could we finish beading a fifth necklace?

“It’s okay,” Kaia said finally with a little smile on her face. “Auntie Rebecca will buy us more beads the next time she comes.”

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when Kaia said this. She started laughing and giggling nonstop when I laughed. But we laughed for different reasons: she loves it when we laugh and always wants to join in on the fun. I was laughing because I found it quite presumptuous that she just assumes that when Auntie Rebecca comes next that she will buy her beads — or anything at all! It’s almost as though she thinks that her mere existence grants her some endless stream of gifts from her endless aunties and uncles!

When your 4-year-old topples over an entire table of hot chocolate and tea

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Dining out with young children can be anxiety-inducing — so much to the point that a number of my colleagues have explicitly told me that unless they are dining out at a chain restaurant or McDonald’s, their kids are not coming with them. We’ve been dining out with Kaia at least once a week since she was about four months old. We’ve made it a point to expose her to lots of different neighborhoods, foods, and cuisines from a very young age, hoping this would make her adaptable not only to different foods, but also many different dining environments. And so far, while she has certainly had her number of tantrums, outbursts, and meltdowns at restaurants, for the most part, she’s been pretty “good” by public dining standards. Until today, she had never had a major spill or broken any glasses or plates. Yes, that is — until today.

We were at this small, quaint Thai-fusion cafe called Blue Brown Cafe in Williamsburg late morning today. It was the first stop during this Saturday’s food crawl. They had a small, narrow seating area, so we sat down at a tiny little table and ordered a Thai tea with steamed milk and homemade cardamom ginger syrup, a raspberry hot chocolate, and a pandan cream-filled croissant. Kaia was acting a bit unruly, insisting that she sit in a certain way and potentially grab the marshmallow off the raspberry hot chocolate. Chris was trying to move her so that she didn’t get too close to knocking over the table, but she kept resisting him. I had just taken a single bite of the pandan croissant — the pandan cream was delicious, but the croissant itself was not great and reminded me of Costco croissants. Just as I placed the croissant down on the tiny table, Chris got our hot drinks and put them down. Then, Kaia proceeded to push against the seats. And just like that, her back knocked over the entire table — hot drinks, croissant, and all. All it took was about three seconds and we had the messiest, stickiest hot chocolate and Thai tea spillage all over the place. Luckily, nothing spilled on or hurt/burnt anyone; and also luckily, the drinks were in to-go paper cups, so we didn’t break any mugs. One of the employees quickly came from around the corner with multiple wet towels to wipe up the floor. I instinctively jumped up to grab a ton of napkins from the counter to help the cleanup. Kaia knew immediately she had done something very wrong; she burst into tears and kept saying she didn’t mean to, that it was an accident and she was sorry. At that same time, a number of people were in line for coffee… and likely took theirs to go given the sticky mess and the sobbing 4-year-old situation.

When the employee finally finished cleaning our mess, I looked at Chris and said in a monotone voice, “So, do we want to do a re-order?” And the employee gave me a sympathetic look and said they’d remake our drinks then. It was a very kind, generous gesture given that they’d obviously already made the drinks that got spilled, plus we inadvertently made them do extra work with the spillage. So this time, we got the same two drinks, and the employee put tight lids on both of the drinks — probably just in case. This time, Kaia was super obedient, sat very still while we had our hot beverages.

These are the situations that you never want to have when going out with a young child. We were *that* family today with the unruly child who made a total mess at a cafe, and likely scared away other patrons from sitting down and enjoying their morning coffees and teas. Accidents happen, and honestly, I was always curious when something would get broken or spilled in a major way when we dined out with her; that finally happened today, at age 4 years, 3 months. But if nothing else, I hope that Kaia remembers this and knows that when she’s told to sit in a certain place and not kick or move too much that she realizes what could happen if she’s disobedient and doesn’t listen. We definitely do not want a repeat of today happening ever again.

The little klepto friend at our Lunar New Year party

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Giving hong bao/li xi/red envelopes/pockets/packets is a Lunar New Year tradition, one that I don’t really practice as an adult outside of my Lunar New Year party, if I had to be honest. My parents and our wider family are further away, so it’s not like my cousins’ kids are close by (or close in relationship) where I’d see them often enough and give them hong bao. I remember receiving lots of hong bao very frequently as a young child, especially by my grandma’s friends and our very extended older relatives who would stop by during Chinese New Year, bearing lots of gifts and eating all the traditional foods. I stopped receiving hong bao regularly once my mom converted to Jehovah’s Witnesses. But traditionally, the way it works is that children receive hong bao from the older generations. Then once you become an adult, you can continue receiving them until you get married. As an adult, you’re expected to give to the younger generation. But once you get married, you are expected to give to younger friends/relatives who are not married, as well as the younger generation. In some families, once you start working, you’re expected to give a hong bao to your parents, but alas, my parents don’t celebrate, so…

I prepared a hong bao for all three kids who came to our Lunar New Year party. As a child, I remember until I was old/mature enough to be “trusted” with money, my mom would allow me to first receive the hong bao in my hand, then after I thanked the giver, she’d quickly snatch it away for safe keeping until we got home, fearing I’d lose the money. Unfortunately, when I handed out the hong bao to the kids at the party, the parents did not always follow this (smart) practice my mom did, and they let the kids play with the hong bao. Well, one child called S took H’s hong bao, opened it, and then took the money for herself. When H and his mom left our place, she told me that H had two hong bao originally, but one of them disappeared. After we finished cleaning the place after all our guests left, I found H’s hong bao, but it was empty. I asked Kaia if she knew where H’s money went. She very matter-of-factly responded that S had taken the money out of H’s hong bao. I still couldn’t find any loose cash after looking everywhere in the house.

So I texted S’s dad and asked how much money she came home with. I told him the context that Kaia had shared, though I wasn’t sure if I could fully believe her given her age/level of maturity. He went to go check. And lo and behold, he snapped a photo of not two bills S was supposed to have, but THREE, including the one I was supposed to give H.

I didn’t realize that we had a little klepto toddler friend among us.

Live and learn, parent friends: take your children’s hong bao before they start opening the envelopes and stealing the contents from each others’!

Kaia, almond croissants, and Almondine Bakery

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We were wandering around Dumbo, Brooklyn, today, finding new places (like the incredible Fontainhas Cafe — what delicious royal chai!), and revisiting old favorites, like Almondine Bakery. Almondine Bakery has long been on the “best of” lists in New York City when it comes to their croissants, and especially their almond croissant. They definitely do not skimp here: they have a really thick, generous layer of almond paste inside the croissant, along with a beautiful sprinkling of toasted, sliced almonds on top. We’ve gone here pretty much every year of Kaia’s existence; I still remember Almondine being one of the very first places where I did a diaper change for her in their bathroom (on the floor, with a mat!). As soon as she realized we were in a bakery this visit, she ran to the glass display cases and started pointing at all the colorful things she wanted to eat. But I told her that we’d get almond croissants (she cannot always choose at her age). She insisted she didn’t want an almond croissant; as of late, she has some mental block seeing almonds and walnuts in any form (even though she’s actually happy to eat them). When I bought the croissants over to our table, though, she immediately tried to pull the croissant out of the bag and wanted to dig in right away. But.. she started trying to pick off the sliced almonds on top and just eat the main croissant.

When we were leaving Almondine, I had her pose with the Almondine sign and take a photo there. Later this evening when reviewing my Google Photos, I did a search for “almond croissant,” and there I saw more photos across the years of Kaia at Almondine. We’ve taken so many repeat shots of her at the same place, year after year, that I could easily do a year-by-year, one after the other, photo slide show of her frequenting our favorite spots across this city. Our old faves may stay the same at the same locations with our same love for them, but our Kaia Pookie just keeps growing and growing. And her smile at these places is only getting bigger and bigger, too!

The toilet mannerisms of my 4-year-old child

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When discussing parenting, especially during the early years, Chris used to always say that what people always get grossed out about — changing diapers — isn’t actually gross at all when it’s your own child. Their pee and poops are just like your own pee and poop, so it’s not a big deal at all. You take care of it, you clean the baby’s bottom, and then you move onto the next task. It’s just something that has to be done.

Like most adults, I like my privacy when I am in the bathroom and well, on the toilet. I don’t love it when Chris occasionally walks in to grab something if I am using the toilet. I prefer that he stay outside. But when Kaia comes in, it’s no big deal to me; she’s my baby, and she just wants to be with me. So I embrace that. In her pre- and potty training days, we read that it was a good thing to have an “open door” policy when on the toilet with our child because it would normalize using the potty to her. So we always did this, and we are still like this with her now that she’s pretty much fully potty trained.

What she does a lot when she’s in the bathroom with me while I’m on the toilet is that she loves to hug and be held by me. As soon as she sees that I’m on the toilet, she runs right up to my knees, throws her arms around me, and then holds me tight. And then she usually does this “Hmmm!” sound that is almost like a sigh, but not. She does this while we’re in our home bathrooms. She especially loves to do this with me when we are in bathrooms outside our home. And she is most especially clingy when we are in restaurant restrooms that have a hand dryer (she is still terrified of hand dryers and repeats over and over, “I don’t want mummy to use hand dryer!”).

Then, assuming I am doing a poop (hey, everyone has to poop!), she likes to take a look at the toilet bowl after I’m done and make an assessment of the bowel movement. Sometimes, she will whisper to me, “Is it a little one?” Other times, she will peer into the toilet, giggle loudly, and yell, “Mama, it’s a BIG one!” And then she will insist I flush it immediately, then squeal as she says, “Mama, flush it away! Bye bye, poop! Bye bye!”

Of course, if anyone else did this, it would be completely disgusting and pretty hideous. And well, it would never even be allowed to happen. But with Kaia Pookie, she has her ways with us. So, I let her enjoy her innocence and youth, and I enjoy that she loves to always be with me — even when I’m on the freaking toilet. One day soon enough, she will realize that this is kind of gross, and then she will stay the heck away from me when I’m on the toilet (or even in the bathroom in general). So, I’ll enjoy this type of togetherness while it lasts.

Lunar New Year preschool performance and lunch party

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Today was Kaia’s Lunar New Year performance and lunch party, to which parents were all invited. This year, Chris and I both came; it’s her last year of preschool as well as her last year at this school. Plans have not been finalized as to where she will be going to kindergarten, so I’m not even sure if she will have any Lunar New Year performances or activities at her school next year. So I insisted to Chris that we both attend.

Just a week ago, I scored Kaia a new size 4T qipao / cheongsam via our Buy Nothing group, so I was excited to get her a Chinese cultural dress just in time for her Lunar New Year performance. She wore it today for the performance, and even did her little dance in a head dress that they made at school. It was interesting to watch her dance this year, especially when I remember what she did last year. Frankly last year, while she did do some of the movements, she was extremely shy performing in front of a large crowd of parents, and so she didn’t dance very much. This year, she did almost all the movements the way (I think) she was intended to. She definitely looked a lot more confident this year, and she was happy to dance, using all limbs. But unfortunately, the entire performance (of kids ages 2-4) was overshadowed by a wee 2-year-old girl, who was crying hysterically the entire time. Kaia also seemed to get a bit distracted by this other child’s crying, so she kept facing the direction of that kid almost the entire time. So unfortunately, my videos of the performance are marred by this. I guess I can always watch these videos and remember hysterical and screaming little Jenny!

After the performance, the teachers re-arranged the classroom so that tables were set up so we could all sit down and eat. As is usually the case, the teachers served the children first, and then the parents self served. The funny thing I always notice when the teachers serve the kids is that they tend to load up on the carbs with a side of proteins; they put pretty much no noticeable vegetables on the kids’ plates. So when I went to serve myself, I added some yu choy from the vegetarian yi mian (longevity noodles) to my plate. As soon as Kaia saw the long stems of green, she immediately yelled out and pointed at them, insisting she wanted some. She ended up taking almost all my yu choy and eating it nearly all at once (she also took some off of Chris’s plate). I had to go back and get myself some more yu choy. The teachers and parents around us all marveled at Kaia eating her vegetables as though it was just so incredible!

Homemade milk bread rolls

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Several months ago, I successfully made a loaf of Japanese milk bread. I originally attempted this during the pandemic, but I didn’t have bread flour and only had all-purpose, and the bread was completely wrong — not the fluffy, airy, super moist bread that you think of when you hear of Japanese milk bread. When I finally attempted it again last year and succeeded, I knew I had to make this bread more often. It’s so satisfying to make, and as long as you have the right ingredients (as in, bread flour for higher gluten development, dry milk powder, and instant yeast as opposed to dry active yeast), then it’s pretty much fool-proof. While cooking and baking (desserts) have always been fun and satisfying for me, baking yeast breads has a whole different level of satisfaction for me. I love every part of the process — measuring out the ingredients, mixing and kneading the dough, watching the two rises, and baking. I look at every bread I’ve made as though it were my little baby — being made, grown, and developed. Tonight, I baked up the milk bread rolls after mixing and kneading the dough last night. I started mixing after I put Kaia to bed last night. She knew I was in the kitchen and kept calling out to me.

“Whatcha doing, mama?” she called out from her bed. “Are you cooking?”

I went back to her bed to settle her down and try to get her to close her eyes. “Mama is making bread, baby!” I said to her. “If you’re good, then maybe you can have some when it’s ready!”

Kaia loves “soft bread.” She loves to remind me of this. When she says this, she means that she loves soft, fluffy bread with a tender crumb — brioche, challah, and milk bread are all in this category. She also does not like a crunchy toast the way I do. Are these the most nutritious breads? No. But they are deeply satisfying to make and eat. And I always get excited whenever my baby enjoys anything I make with my own hands.

Speaking of nutrition, though, I was thinking about this recipe developer/cookbook author I follow and love, who is currently pregnant and was diagnosed early on with gestational diabetes. While I’m sure this was frustrating for her as someone who loves food, one interesting thing she shared was that when she bakes her own bread from scratch, her blood sugar levels do not spike. But when she eats bread not made by her (so bought outside), her blood sugar goes crazy. If you know of anyone or have yourself had gestational diabetes, you’ll know that in dealing with this during pregnancy, you have to prick yourself at least once or twice every day and carefully monitor your blood sugar level to ensure it doesn’t go over a certain amount. So when I heard that homemade bread didn’t spike her blood sugar, I felt a bit better about my love of making these “soft breads” that are not made from whole wheat or whole grain flours. Though i will say openly that I do do slightly sacrilegious things and add whole wheat flour to my brioche and challah to increase the nutritional profile.

“I wanna go to [Australia] where it’s summer now!”

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To my pleasant surprise, even though it was extremely cold on Sunday going to and from the VHC Tet Lunar New Year Festival in Brooklyn, Kaia actually didn’t complain too much about the cold or walking. On both sides of the subway ride, we only walked about 6-7 minutes, so it really wasn’t that bad… even when the icy winds hit us. But while on the train, Kaia had some thoughts to share about the cold.

“Mama, when it’s winter here in New York, it’s summer at Suma and Topa’s house, right?” she asked me with wide eyes.

“Yes, baby… when it’s winter here in the Northern Hemisphere, it’s the opposite in the Southern Hemisphere where Suma and Topa are in Australia, so it’s summer,” I confirmed to her.

“Mama! I don’t like winter,” Kaia said with big frown on her face. “When it’s winter here, I wanna go to Suma and Topa’s where it’s summer! I wanna go to Melbourne because I don’t like the cold!”

This conversation was funny to me for a few reasons: 1) I love that she’s putting two and two together, beginning to understand the differences in seasons where we call home versus where her paternal grandparents are, 2) I also love (and laugh at) the fact that she thinks she can just snap her fingers and go to Australia during their summer time just because she wants to. She has no idea behind the financial costs of flying at high times of the year, of flying in general. She also doesn’t understand that it’s a commitment, that it’s a privilege to be able to have a mother who can work remotely for that amount of time and not have her job be in jeopardy (it’s also a privilege, in today’s day and age with soaring costs of living, to have a father who lives a “life of service [leisure]”, but that’s another topic for another day). How many four-year-olds are going to have the luxury of experiencing life in two hemispheres regularly… of flying on a long-haul flight from New York to Melbourne every year of their life thus far, and getting to see how amazing it is to escape the bitter cold of winter here for the summer there? Most Australians in New York I’ve met and known to date, at most, go back to Australia every other year… and that’s on the higher end. Almost no one I know other than Chris insists on going back every single year.

It’s going to be a work in progress to make sure that my only child doesn’t grow up to be some silver spoon, entitled child, who snubs other people for not seeing as much of the world as she has, or for being less worldly.

Vietnamese Heritage Center Tet Lunar New Year Festival 2026

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Today, I took Kaia to the Vietnamese Heritage Center (VHC) Tet Lunar New Year Festival, which was held at the Brooklyn Botanic Ballroom. VHC changes up their location every year since they have to rent event space. I first learned about VHC two years ago right before their scheduled Lunar New Year Festival that year (thanks to my NYC Modern Asian Moms group, the second best group I ever joined on Facebook after my local Buy-Nothing Group!), and unfortunately, the event had already sold out before I could even consider buying tickets. I remember that year, it was held at a really convenient location, somewhere around Union Square or Chelsea. Last year, they held it at some remote location out in Brooklyn, which would have required a 30-minute walk after we got off the nearest train. Given this is obviously held in winter, I really didn’t want to deal with that walk even if I did push Kaia in a stroller. So this year, when I saw that it was at the ballroom just eight minutes’ walk away from the nearest subway stop, I knew I wanted to sign us up. Kaia has had lots of exposure to Chinese culture and Chinese traditions around Lunar New Year, but she’s never been to a Vietnamese cultural event. And so, I really wanted this to happen. I went in knowing that this weekend would be around -8 F with windchill, but I figured it would be fine since the walk on both ends would be relatively short, and this was a fully indoor event. Chris decided not to come because he doesn’t like cultural events (“Why do I have to go to this?” he asked me, looking puzzled. “I just need the food!”), so I asked my friend if he wanted to take his wife and toddler, and they came.

The event was far more diverse than I thought it would be: there were plenty of non-Vietnamese, non-Asian people in attendance. Lots of non-Asians were wearing male and female versions of ao dais. They had a restaurant cater the food for the event, plus they had different Vietnamese cultural vendors, ranging from banh chung/banh Tet vendors, banh mi/Vietnamese coffee/sugar cane juice vendors, Vietnamese photography, books, and even specific artworks like dioramas and paintings for sale. For hands-on activities for both kids and adults, they had a Banh Tet (Vietnamese Lunar New Year sticky rice) workshop, face painting for the kids, a Lunar New Year card / art making table, and Vietnamese dice games. There were also some performances like an ao dai fashion show, a traditional Vietnamese fan dance, and of course, a lion dance. The whole event ended with a li xi / hong bao / red envelope ceremony, where all the littles could line up to get their own red envelope, each filled with a crisp dollar bill, all sponsored by New York Life.

We arrived early, so Kaia was lucky and got to be the very first kid who had her face painted. She chose cherry blossoms, so the artist painted them on both of her upper cheeks. She enjoyed her noodles for lunch, as well as some arts and crafts. And probably her favorite thing to do was to run around, scope people out, and play with random new friends she made. She kept on asking me about Vietnamese this and Vietnamese that. And she said that a lot was like what she saw at school. So it was nice to see her connecting the dots of what she saw here versus the Chinese versions of Lunar New Year traditions.

I never learned much about Chinese or Vietnamese culture until college, when I really started embracing it and proactively learning about the traditions. It’s easy to eat the food; it’s an additional step to learn why all these foods are important, what they symbolize, and how they contribute to one’s culture. I hope Kaia learns and embraces all parts of her many cultures far earlier than I ever did. I hope all these experiences I expose her to will help in some small way or form.

The kindness of strangers continues in the form of Chinese “paper” sponge cakes

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After pregnancy, childbirth, and becoming a mother, I think I should start a blog series entitled, “The kindness of strangers,” with each post detailing an exact example of the kindness I’ve witnessed being bestowed on myself and/or my child. Because I think that while the world oftentimes feels like it’s getting worse (and the country in which I am living definitely feels like it’s becoming more backwards by the day, especially with this current Dipshit administration), I am deeply heartened almost weekly, if not daily, by the little kindnesses directed towards Kaia and me.

At Kaia’s school, there is a “doorman” who works at the front of the building — we call him Ah Gong (like a polite term for grandpa, but not actually our grandpa). To be honest, he is probably around my dad’s age, is a grandpa of three, and likely could not be trusted as a real “security” guard in a true emergency, but he is the biggest sweetheart. Every since Kaia started going to this school, he has always been very warm, kind, and friendly with us. It’s clear he loves children: he always greets each of them warmly and enthusiastically, gives them a high-five or a hug when he sees them, and oftentimes will even spoil them with candy from a container I know for a fact he refills with his own money. Oftentimes I feel bad for Kaia contributing to the depletion of his candy stash, especially since we never even allow her to eat the candy; we’re simply stockpiling it in the pockets her backpack. But I know he really enjoys giving the kids candy.

So today we came down the stairs to exit the building. And he saw Kaia and greeted us. They did a high-five, and then out of nowhere, Ah Gong whipped out this big plastic takeout container that has three Chinese “paper” sponge cakes — the Chinese lightly sweetened, chiffon-style cakes that originated in Hong Kong. He said he wanted to give Kaia something very special and gave her the entire box! Ah Gong said she deserves it because she is so cute and “guai guai” (well behaved). Kaia excited took the entire container and thanked Ah Gong, and then in her “hehe, I got something special!” mood, almost skipped out the doorway!

Just last week while I was in Denver, Chris told me that Ah Gong gave Kaia a lao po bing (old wife cake/winter melon cake). I think he’s getting a little too generous and fancy. Kaia took one bite of it and decided she didn’t like it (I ended up eating it since I do enjoy them). So this wasn’t the first time he was dishing out Chinese bakery items to Kaia. I just couldn’t believe that he would be this generous. What are we going to do at the end of this school year when Kaia finally leaves this school, and we don’t get to see Ah Gong every day anymore? It’s going to be a very sad, wistful day.