Category Archives: Aging

Gratitude for friendship

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The older you get, the harder it is to make friends. The odd thing is that I’ve probably made more friends since the pandemic than before that in my entire time in New York City. Part of it was because I was just more intentional about finding qualities I liked in people and pursuing them (almost like platonic dating).

Fundraising for AFSP has oftentimes felt like a just-me endeavor. I’ve been lucky to have friends come join me at the walk some years. Chris has always accompanied me. Since Kaia has been around, she’s been dragged against her will. This year, I had three friends join the walk; two of them even recorded my speech, which has enabled me to share this with friends, family and colleagues. The fact that I have friends who care enough to come to this walk with me at all show me that the best people in your life will show up for you when it really matters.

I have a more distant friend who has donated every single year. And with her donation, she always writes me a really sweet, heartfelt note. This is part of what she wrote me this year:

“Each year, you find a way to capture the lingering effects of the loss of a sibling to suicide. Each year, the story is a little different as your life evolves, as your child’s life evolves, and yet the empty place in your heart left by Ed’s tragic death remains. It is not static, but changes shape and form as the things in your life show you all the different angles from which his light could have shined brightly. We see in our mind’s eye the Ed that might have been, the proud brother, the doting uncle, maybe even the fellow parent?

When I first began donating, I did it mostly for your sake, and the horror I felt regarding the way others in your family reacted. It is truly as you say: Silence and stigma help no one! My psychiatrist says, though it’s hard to witness, their reaction is not uncommon. What a wonderful contrast we have in you, and in the whole “Out of Darkness” concept.

Now I feel that I donate for you AND for Ed. Each year your portrait of him, painted with your heart, has made this person I never met more and more dear to me, and I look forward to spending this time with him through your words. I’m knowing him as he was, but also who he IS, as he lives again through your words and actions. What a man he must be, to inspire such loyalty in his sister!”

How lucky I am to have friends who not only show up for me, but also take the time to write such thoughtful messages.

An interview with a NYC story teller

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A few months ago, the executive director of AFSP NYC asked if I’d be interested in featuring my story about why I walk at the national level. I’m an open book and am happy to find ways to help others, so I said that I’d be willing to participate. Fast forward to this last week, the AFSP head of social media reached out to schedule time before the walk at Pier 16/17 to meet with David Eng, a New York City-based videographer and story teller, to discuss why I walk and why I fundraise with AFSP. He would be producing videos showcasing personal stories of why people walk, and they asked me to sign off on some release forms so that they could post these videos publicly.

I kept looking at his name and wondering why he sounded so familiar. I quickly looked him up on Instagram and discovered that he’s actually done the food videos for Banh and Kopitiam, some of my very favorite restaurants in the city. I actually already knew his work and really enjoyed it. I was a little nervous, thinking, wow, he’s interviewed and featured people who run some of the best businesses in the city, and now, he’s just sharing my (Ed’s) story?!

The head of social media found me, and we chatted while we walked over to David staking out some good recording spots with indirect light. I asked David about his Banh connection, and we geeked out over Vietnamese food for a bit; he was incredulous that I’d actually seen his Banh video since he said it was from over three years ago. He has since stopped doing food stories because they are very chaotic and stressful due to restaurant scheduling/hiccups. Now, he focuses most of his work on social media (for Banh Anh Em!!) and on telling human stories of real New Yorkers — like myself.

They had given me some prompt questions ahead of time to get my thoughts organized before the interview. But the interview itself ended up being a lot more thought-provoking and emotional than I had imagined. David was a really great, sensitive interviewer. He asked me a lot of questions that I don’t believe I’ve ever been point-blank asked before about Ed, about my journey toward healing and helping others.

One question he asked me, which I know no one, not even any therapist or close friend has asked, is, “If Ed were here today (assuming he’s still not alive), what would you say to him?”

I paused for a while on this. I didn’t tell him this, but I write Ed a letter on this blog for every birthday of his, every anniversary of his passing. So I do “speak” to him as though he’s in the other world, heaven, whatever you want to call it. But this question I suppose hit differently because this was a live conversation, in person, and I have never been asked that face to face by anyone. It’s a hard one.

I partially shared this, but not all my thoughts (no one has time for all of it). This is what I would say:

I love you. I miss you so, so much. I hope you are proud of everything I’ve accomplished, everything I’ve done to help others in your name. I want you to know that you didn’t die in vain, you did not die for nothing, that I’m doing everything with the little power that I have to keep your legacy going. Every person I can support and help — I do it in your honor and to keep your memory alive. You may not be here anymore, but in my heart, you are always, always living on in me. I have not forgotten you; I will never forget you. I will try to live my best possible life and do right by people because that’s what you would have wanted for me, for Kaia. You will always be a part of me — the best part of me. Your life mattered. It still matters.

AFSP New York City Out of the Darkness Walk at Pier 16/17: “Why I walk”

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Today was the day of the AFSP New York City Out of the Darkness Walk. This is my 13th walk, and my 12th in Manhattan. It was likely one of the largest turnouts for the walk I’ve seen in years, which was great to witness. Three friends came to support me for the walk; two of them even recorded most or all of my speech, which I was grateful for. It’s also my second year serving on the walk planning committee. As part of my role on the committee and given I have been the longest involved fundraiser/walker for this walk, I was asked to give a brief speech during the opening ceremony about why I walk. So, I wrote this speech below and delivered it this morning. I think overall it went well. Chris held up Kaia in his arms so that she could watch me speak. Chris thinks that Kaia would rate it a 3/5 stars, though, because she started squirming in his arms after less than halfway through…

Good morning, everyone. My name is Yvonne Wong. This is my 12th New York City Out of the Darkness Community Walk.

Every year, I walk for my big brother, Ed. Ed was one of the kindest, most generous people I’ve ever known. I always remember how he used to shower me with gifts for my birthday and sometimes would even get me a “welcome home” cake when I’d come back to San Francisco. 

I lost Ed to suicide in July 2013, after a long struggle with depression and anxiety. I was living here in New York City. He was in San Francisco, 3,000 miles away. I often felt helpless, and I didn’t know where to turn for support.

When I lost him, I was overwhelmed by guilt, anger, and grief. I couldn’t understand why he had to die. I struggled to understand why his suffering hadn’t been taken more seriously.

In searching for answers, I found AFSP. Here was a place where people spoke openly about suicide and called it what it is, suicide, where there was room for my grief, my anger, and my questions. Through AFSP, I found people who understood, and a community I could turn to.

I also found a way to keep honoring Ed. I began sharing his story through fundraising and community events. And year after year, I kept telling it.

Then, something I did not expect started to happen. People started reaching out: friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and even complete strangers. They shared their own experiences of loss and struggle. And many told me I was the very first person they had ever opened up to.

That… has stayed with me. By telling Ed’s story, I was helping make room for other people to tell theirs; I was creating a safe space for them. What began as a way to honor my brother became a way to connect with people whose pain I might otherwise never have known about. And in those connections, I found some healing of my own.

Today, I’m proud to serve on the New York City Walk Planning Committee as a volunteer and fundraiser. This community has given me a way to keep showing up for Ed… and for other people who need understanding, support, and hope.

I can’t bring my brother back. But I can keep saying his name. I can keep listening when someone is ready to talk. And I can keep working toward a future where fewer families experience this kind of loss. 

That is why I walk. I walk for Ed. I walk for the people who have trusted me with their stories. And I walk for anyone who is still carrying their grief or their struggle alone… so they can find what I found here: understanding, connection, and hope.

If that’s you, I’m so glad you’re here. You belong here. And you don’t have to walk alone. Thank you for walking with me.

Back to back kids events in a single day

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We were invited to a joint birthday party of Kaia’s classmates today, so we knew we would take her. But then her school also decided to host a Halloween fest later in the afternoon, and we thought it would be good for community building (and for Kaia) if we went to both. It seemed like a lot for us, and highly unusual given our usual Saturdays, but we do things to make our child happy, right? The birthday party would be at a large kids indoor play space from 11:30-2:30; the school’s Halloween fest would be held just blocks away from us from 3-5pm. Time was tight. And I told Chris that I was always envious of other friends with kids and how they attended preschools and schools with a strong sense of community/friendship. I wanted that, too. So now that I have it, I should take advantage of it by going to most of these events that I am here for, right?

“Well, there goes my Saturday,” Chris grumbled as Friday approached and he knew we would be forgoing our usual Saturday food crawl.

He doesn’t really mean to grumble, though. Chris enjoys socializing, and we have a pretty decent group of parents in our kindergarten class. We’re still getting to know everyone and their personalities. We’re also still discovering who we get along better with than others.

I would say that almost two months into being at this school and interacting with the parents in our class I have met, I have definitely identified people I jive with more than others. There are the people who are very thoughtful and insightful; some seem to have views and perspectives that mirror ours; some are more analytical (and anal) than others; some show they are always thinking about how others perceive them; some are trying to get into higher level parents association positions at the school; some are trying to do everything within their power to increase the school’s enrollment; one is definitely a complainer all around. So far, it’s a good mix of parents and it feels comfortable.

In the meantime, Kaia seems to be identifying friends who are her favorites or “best friends,” though, and sometimes, they change by the day. It sounds like a typical girl thing of this age range. Chris got her this book from a used book store last week called The Invisible Boy, and with its theme, we’re trying to teach her to try to be friends and play with everyone. You never know who you might get along with unless you branch out. (Adults are a different story, but hey, she’s not even five yet!).

Another homework meltdown

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I know for a fact that when I was kindergarten, I did not have any homework. Homework did not start until first grade for me in my San Francisco public school. I had a bit of a head start with learning since my mom was diligent enough to force me to practice writing and reciting numbers and all letters of the alphabet, both lower and upper case, before I entered kindergarten. Discipline was taught to me pretty early, and when I wasn’t behaving, I was whacked (as were most kids of our generation by our immigrant parents). A common complaint of kids of Kaia’s generation is that they do not have enough self discipline. Every single action is monitored and manned. They have a high level of ADHC diagnoses because their parents cannot handle parenting and succumb to simply drugging their kids up, likely with medication that is not even needed. It’s not an individual parent problem, but rather a generational problem: every generation has its challenges that it needs to attempt to solve.

Although I did not have the self discipline or patience to do what my mom did and try to get Kaia to know how to write all her English letters and numbers before kindergarten, I am very much a fan of homework at this age, if just in shorter bursts. I like that her school starts homework at this age; other people will not agree with me, but the reason I like this is that it instills discipline young. It forces parents to carve out the time in the day to dedicate to learning and reinforcing learning in the classroom. At the end of the day as sucky as it sounds, it’s really a test of the parents and how much patience they can have when enforcing that homework is not optional; it must be done, and done by a certain date for teachers to review.

I was chatting with my friend over tea about this last week. She asked me if homework was really necessary at this age. She said it seemed excessive, that when she was in kindergarten 35 years ago, she didn’t have homework (and she’s just fine now!). I don’t think that using us as the example is necessarily the right thing since every generation and its standards for everything will be different. Yes, I also didn’t have homework in kindergarten, but just because I had that experience, does that necessarily mean I do not want my child to have homework in K? If discipline is an all around issue for kids of this generation, we should probably be doing more to instill it at a younger age. It needs to become a habit, one they understand that is repeatable.

So even though once again, Kaia had a meltdown after lunch today and refused to do a second page of Chinese character writing, I insisted she had to finish the second page. We took many breaks. She ran away screaming and crying from the table multiple times, yelling in Chinese that she doesn’t like homework. But I told her: in life, she’s going to have to do lots and lots of things that she doesn’t like, but they are very necessary for her life and well being. She won’t get that now, but this needs to be reinforced… forever, muah hahaha!

Okay, that sounded a little mean to laugh. But I do mean that. We need to repeat to her that there are endless things she will need to do in her life that she does not like. I hate doing half the things I do in a day, but I know they are beneficial to me, and I’m almost 36 years older than her!

Line up, line up!

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Kaia has really been immersed in Chinese since she started at her current school. Sometimes, she tells me what she’s learning and what things mean, even when I don’t ask. I never formally learned any Mandarin Chinese until college, so a lot of the seemingly basic, kindergarten-level things she’s learning are things I never learned myself. But because I did study it, I pick up a lot of these things simply based on context. For example, she kept saying that they often do work in small groups; she never explicitly said that. But she did say, “G and I are in B 组 (zǔ); but C and M are in A 组 (zǔ).” Based that, it’s clear to me that 组 (zǔ) means team or small group.

While observing the kids at soccer yesterday, I also saw a few of them line up and act silly. As they lined up when going up the stairs from the gym, they chanted, “排排队，排排队，一个跟着一个排. That is “Pái pái duì, pái pái duì, yīgè gēnzhe yīgè pái” or, “Line up, line up, one following right behind the other.” There is something really sweet and almost magical about a bunch of kindergarten kids, chanting the exact same words in perfect unison, all wearing the same uniform.

I wasn’t very pleased that her school had a dress code when we first learned about it; it’s essentially a school uniform, but the colors for top and bottom change by day of the week. But now that we’re over a month into it, I will admit that it does make life easier. I don’t have to fight with her in the morning regarding what she’s going to wear; she knows what day requires which colors. She sees all the other kids wearing the exact same thing, so there’s no reason to whine or have comparisons. Because all the kids are wearing the same thing, they all match, and she does enjoy matching. And well, I do admit that it is really adorable seeing all the kids matching and wearing the same thing every day: it does make school seem more formal and serious.

Plus, as they chant “排排队，排排队，一个跟着一个排,” it looks and sounds better to me when they are all in uniform! Plus yesterday, they were especially matching because three of them had the same single braid hairdo!

Cooking with my Costco and local Vermont goodies

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Every time we come back from a road trip, we always make a stop by Costco on our way back to take advantage of having a car. So of course, we come back with the car fully loaded, and I always tell Chris when we get back, “We’re rich!” It feels that way because when your fridge, freezer, and pantry are stocked to the point of nearly overflowing, it really does make you feel rich: you have plenty in a house of plenty in a land of plenty, and that feels very full. It also makes me grateful that we can actually afford to stock up on our staples, as I am very well aware that not everyone has the ability to do this.

In addition to the Costco stocking up we did, we also got way more consumable items in Vermont than I originally imagined: this includes a bottle of local whisky, a bottle of local bourbon, orange wine, chocolate raspberry wine from New Hampshire, and honey mead. The whisky and bourbon we tasted and purchased at the Burlington Farmers Market, the orange wine is from the Shelburne Farmers Market, and the last two bottles are from the fine food and drink marquee at the Stowe Foliage Arts Festival. In addition, we also got local organic chestnut and lion’s mane mushrooms and a Barn First Creamery brie-style goat cheese at the Burlington Farmers Market, a quart of Green’s Sugarhouse Very Dark maple syrup and maple balsamic vinaigrette, fancy marshmallows, and a couple chocolate bars from Adagio Chocolate shop in Middlebury. It was quite a local Vermont food haul! If it wasn’t already clear, I love Vermont!

Today, I spent a good amount of time cooking some of our new foods and ingredients. I seared and sautéed my lion’s mane and chestnut mushrooms; they browned beautifully and have a delicious, earthy, almost nutty flavor. They are almost even a little sweet! We sampled a little of these (Kaia loved the chestnut mushrooms the most!), but I’m planning to use most of them for toast with our Vermont goat cheese. I sautéed half a pound of spinach from Costco, roasted a pound of brussel sprouts (Costco!), made a maple balsamic roasted salmon with my new vinaigrette from Greens Sugarhouse. I also cooked my last bag of Rancho Gordo Blue Goose Field Peas and some brown rice. And on top of all that, I made my third batch of fresh, homemade soy milk! I always feel good when I’m cooking with new and fresh ingredients. This meal felt like fall to me! Now, all I needed to add was some butternut squash to the mix!

Costco vs. Sam’s Club: A side-by-side comparison in a single day’s visit

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Earlier this year, Chris got a cheap Sam’s Club membership through a credit card offer. For wholesale warehouses, I’ve only ever had exposure to Costco since that’s where my parents go. I’ve never even stepped foot into a Sam’s Club or BJ’s, but I’ve heard decent things about both. So today on our way back home from Vermont, we stopped first at a Costco in Massachusetts to buy the bulk of our supplies, and then at a Sam’s Club in Connecticut just to check it out.

Overall on like for like items, what I’ve read about is true: there is a small price difference between same or very-similar items, and Sam’s Club does end up being a little cheaper. I was pleasantly surprised to see the selection of skin and body care products at Sam’s Club; anecdotally speaking on this one visit, I was impressed to see the sheer number of brands and variety of items they had here; the range is undoubtedly larger for this type of product at Sam’s Club than at Costco. If you are interested in Korean skincare, they had at least six different brands represented, which is more than I’ve ever seen at a single Costco location.

It’s partially my brand loyalty to Costco (Costco can do no wrong in my eyes!), but I think I prefer the Costco Kirkland Signature brand and packaging over Member’s Mark. I also like that Costco has especially made and designed products with specific brands that are just for them. My one little “indulgence” I like to get at least once a year is their jumbo-sized four-pack set of Mrs. Meyers’ liquid hand soaps; I love Mrs. Meyers’ soaps! (One of my friends made a comment and said that it’s totally a “me” thing that I would consider soap to be an indulgence given I am such a clean freak, but hey, to each their own!). Some years when we visit Costco, I choose Mrs. Meyers’s standard everyday scents (last year, I found their “Tomato Vine” scent fun). This visit, I got the holiday scent set, which includes apple cider and elderberry (the latter scent is NEW!). The reason these are special for Costco is that the standard liquid soap bottle for Mrs. Meyers is 12.5 oz (370ml) ; these bottles are 16 oz (473ml), so you get 3.5 oz (104ml) more product; you can tell the size difference between the bottles right away if you hold them up side by side! Chris also got the same brand but different style of toilet paper at Sam’s Club, As soon as I opened the packaging and took the toilet rolls out, I could tell immediately these were smaller and inferior to the Costco ones.

Seeing the food similarities and differences was fun. For the meat and seafood, on first glance, the Costcos we’ve visited have had better range and variety, especially for the organic meat and wild-caught seafood. Costco also seems to have more premium cuts and types of meat (ribeye steaks, lamb in various cuts, and whole ducks at select locations!) than Sam’s Club did. This Sam’s Club location had a larger variety of farm-raised seafood and “conventional” meat. I also think for packaged food (yes, including lots of highly processed snacks), Sam’s Club had a larger range and more variety within types of items. Overall, I’d say that the Costco snacks lean healthier (lower added sugars, higher protein, lower carbs, etc.). Costco’s variety of coffee and tea is definitely better than Sam’s Club: I don’t think I saw any coffee at Sam’s Club Chris would seriously consider buying. And when I saw that the only packaged tea this Sam’s Club had was Lipton, I knew I could never rely on them to be my wholesale warehouse of choice!

So yes, while for a number of items, it is true that Sam’s Club is cheaper (whether it’s by 10 cents or $1.50 for the same item and quantity), I still think Costco’s average assortment feels more premium and better curated than Sam’s Club. While I appreciate that we have a discounted Sam’s Club membership for a while, I still stand by Costco, Kirkland Signature, and my premium, especially curated source of Mrs. Meyers’ liquid hand soaps… amongst other things. And no one can ever take away my Costco-sized 13.5-lb/6.12kg bag of baking soda, which we really do go through (and which Chris pointed out to me when we got back tonight because our last bag before the one we got today is likely to end by December or January!). I don’t know how anyone properly cleans their homes and laundry without this baking soda bag!!

Plus, if we really have to look at both Costco and Sam’s Club all around, I think it’s pretty obvious that Costco wins as an overall company and employer. After listening to the Costco Acquired podcast episode, my love for them was solidified in STONE. If I could marry a store, it would be COSTCO FOR-EVER.

Oh, and if you were curious: we picked up three things during our Sam’s Club visit: a large 3-pack of nasal saline spray (how riveting!) and two zip-up hoodies for Kaia that she insisted she “needed”: one was Hello Kitty and Friends (the trifecta!), and one was Ariel/The Little Mermaid with little “fins” on the end of the hoodie. Even my sweet little Kaia has embraced Costco and now Sam’s Club!

Autumn in Vermont: The best leaf peeping

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Although I had previously been to Vermont during spring and summer, I always knew that autumn would be the most spectacular for me (as someone who hates cold winters and does not do snow sports, I have zero, zero desire to visit Vermont in the winter). I didn’t grow up with four seasons in San Francisco. There was even a period in my childhood when I really did think that “fall leaves”/autumn foliage was just completely made up for books and movies. So when I came to the East Coast for college and got to see all the spectacular autumn foliage on the Wellesley campus, I was hooked. Even when I was stressed during midterm exams, I still found some peace in the beautiful fall foliage.

Chris took us on a scenic route headed toward Stowe today, so we visited a number of fun, beautiful, and tasty places, including Cold Hollow Cider Mill (great spot for cider donuts, maple syrup, maple everything, local Vermont products, fun Vermont souvenirs, and lots of fun photo ops), Ben and Jerry’s headquarters (no tour this time, but mainly a stop for their famous Flavor Graveyard. It’s gotten quite an upgrade since we last visited in 2014, as some of the grave stones even have QR codes you can scan for more information on the retired flavor!), the Stowe Foliage Arts Festival, the Alchemist Brewery, and Pie-Casso (pizza) for dinner.

Cold Hollow Cider Mill is the kind of northeast suburban/rural fall retreat stop that we’ve really embraced over the years since Kaia has been in tow. It has everything you’d want at this time of year: pumpkin patches, hay stacks, colorful mums (the flowers!), scarecrows, freshly pressed apple cider, apple cider donuts, and all the fall flavors you can think of. Maple syrup featured prominently here, and I appreciated there were signs explaining how the maple syrup grading changed in 2014 in Vermont, which was then changed at the national level in 2015. Although we didn’t get to take advantage of it, they have an entire section that is open to the public where you can watch the apples being pressed into fresh cider; you are also allowed to pour yourself your own (free) sample out of a tap! The line was crazy long when we got in, so we just bought cider and cider donuts and enjoyed them outside.

The main highlight of the day was definitely the fall foliage surrounding us everywhere. We made some stops along the way to take photos to capture the beauty. And we also got to enjoy leaf peeping to the max at the Stowe Foliage Arts Festival. The festival happens at this time of year annually in the Stowe Events Field, which is surrounded 365-degrees by mountain views and vibrant colors of the autumn foliage right now. If it wasn’t already clear from the name, it’s not just an art festival; it’s a foliage arts festival! They have lots of local fine arts and crafts, live music, specialty food and drink, and of course, fresh food. Going through the marquee with all the art vendors was really fun: we saw so many types of art that we’d never been exposed to before. My favorite in terms of uniqueness was this female artist who uses threads to create composition. At different angles, the colors of the thread look different. The artist incorporates a little swing on her trees for a 3D feel. I also loved seeing all the different large scale photography of the stunning Vermont landscapes; one artist printed his photography on metal, which had an interesting effect on the photo itself!

The Stowe Foliage Arts Festival also had a marquee with specialty food and drink, which of course, we embraced. They had lots of generous samples; it reminded me of what the New York Chocolate Show and food festivals have been like that I’ve attended in the past. After tasting, we bought a bottle of local mead and a very unique bottle of chocolate raspberry (!!) wine. I finally caved in and bought more maple syrup (despite having just opened a Costco maple syrup bottle at home) after trying Green’s Sugarhouse maple syrup (Amber, Dark, and Very Dark). The standard and most common maple syrup you get is amber, which is considered the most versatile for cooking, baking, and drizzling on pancakes and waffles. At this booth, we got to try all four grades side by side. Given we love very strong flavors, we decided to get the “very dark.” And along with that, we picked up a bottle of their maple balsamic vinaigrette, which was very zippy. The lady working the booth says that she uses it not just as a salad dressing, but also to glaze her fish and meats. I am definitely using this on fish soon! I love that Green’s Sugarhouse is a seventh generation maple sugaring house; it felt good to support a local, family-run business. But hey, there’s another fun fact I learned: the majority of maple sugaring houses in Vermont are all family owned and generational traditions!!!!!! This state is so unique and fun!

We ended the day at Alchemist Brewery, which is likely the most fun and interesting-to-wander-and-look-around-at brewery we’ve ever visited. They have lots of art and murals everywhere, even on their ceilings. They have very tall trees growing inside the brewery. The brewery has a large outdoor space for drinking, corn hole and other games (perfect for letting your children be outside and safe!). There was a live band playing outside when we arrived. This place was anything but boring. I got to enjoy a very good stout while Chris had a hazy IPA. Kaia and I played corn hole, and she eventually found two new little friends to play with.

We had pizza after the brewery and a long, DARK drive back to Middlebury. If you didn’t already think it was rural here in the day, then at night, you will know for a fact you are in the middle of nowhere driving here. Chris drove us safely back with long stretches of high beam and low beam on (no lights on roads here!!). Upon putting his head down on the pillow back at the hotel, he passed out and immediately started snoring. That’s how I know he’s really tired and had to concentrate a lot!

Vermont: Population density, covered bridges, and maple grading changes

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I have lots of fond, delicious, and happy memories of being in Vermont. Back in 2009 (or 2010), I came here for the first time for canoeing, hiking, and the Burlington and Brattleboro towns and farmers market. In 2014, I came here on a stop with Chris and his parents, and we did a Ben & Jerry’s factory tour and tasting, visited the “graveyard” of retired ice cream flavors, and also did a very thorough and delicious tasting of cheeses at Cabot Creamery. Now over 12 years later, Chris and I are back with the Pookster in tow for our autumn leaf peeping long weekend! And we are in luck: the leaves are definitely changing colors. We’ve seen so many gorgeous colors on this trip already!

I started thinking more about the state of Vermont versus New York and California, the two states I am most closely associated with. And as we were driving through Vermont and even in just Middlebury, where we are based during this trip, I thought about how I have always lived in relatively densely populated places, and how living in a place like Vermont would probably feel far too quiet and even borderline spooky for me. California is where I was born and raised and lived for the first 18.5 years of my life; it’s the most populous state in the U.S. New York is the fourth most populous state in the country, with a large chunk of that population in New York City, where I live. Vermont, on the other hand, ranks 49th (out of 50) for total population, and it’s one of the least densely populated states in the country. New York State’s overall population density is about six times Vermont’s; New York City is about 400 times more densely populated than the entire state of Vermont. It’s no wonder everywhere we go here, I marvel at how much open space there seems to be, and how far apart all the houses and buildings are. It’s because relatively speaking, they are all very far apart when compared to anywhere in New York City! The town of Middlebury feels rural, but then to me, perhaps the entire state of Vermont feels rural!

Stereotypically when I think of Vermont, I think of three main things: 1) maple syrup (obviously), 2) dairy and all things related (Cabot Creamery makes some of the best cheese in the country. Plus, I even like their branding and logo), and 3) Bernie Sanders. But when I started reading more about Middlebury, I started thinking more about the local college, Middlebury College, which is a highly ranked liberal arts college here, and all these “covered bridges” I kept seeing pop up as potential tourist stops here. For about a split second during my senior year of college, I considered applying to Middlebury College… that was, until I looked at it on the map and saw how it was in the middle of nowhere. Then, I immediately nixed it. Even at the age of 17, I knew I needed to be in or near a major metropolitan area, otherwise I would go nuts (I still feel this way today, so no wonder I live right in Manhattan). Vermont, the “Green Mountain state,” is also known for its covered bridges. While there used to be about 700 of these peculiar bridges, today, only 100 remain standing. These covered bridges were originally built with large structural wood trusses; their main purpose was to solve for all the endless rivers that are all over the state. The bridges are all quite short; Chris drove across the Halpin bridge yesterday and I walked across it; it took me less than 30 seconds to walk across this tiny covered bridge, built back in 1840. Because these bridges were all wooden, if they were exposed to rain, snow, and freeze-thaw cycles, they would rot pretty quickly. So, the bridge isn’t covered to keep travelers dry; the bridge is covered to keep the bridge dry and protected. This is such an interesting fun fact!

Today, we visited two different farmers markets: Burlington Farmers Market and Shelburne Farmers Market. There was a great variety of vendors at both. I always love seeing the local produce and goods at each city and town we visit when we can. At the Burlington Farmers Market, we picked up some local chestnut and lion’s mane mushrooms (they were organic and so fresh and springy!), Vermont goat cheese (loved the taste and texture of this one), “artisanal” marshmallows created by a local pastry chef, a bottle of local bourbon, and a bottle of local whisky. At the Shelburne Farmers Market, we bought a bottle of local orange wine. At both markets, we saw the inevitable vendors selling maple syrup and other maple products, and I noticed that instead of saying “Grade A” or “Grade B” as I had previously seen during my 2009 Vermont visit, the labels said something more descriptive, like “Golden Color,” “Amber Color,” or “Dark Color.” So I made a mental note of this to research this later. In 2014 (the year we last visited Vermont), Vermont actually officially overhauled their maple syrup grading system, as “Grade A” vs. “Grade B” was far too confusing (I would agree with this). In 2015, this became official nationwide. The old hierarchy that I remember, “Fancy,” Grade A, and Grade B, was replaced because darker syrup was not actually lower quality; it just had a stronger flavor, which many people prefer (including me!). I distinctly remember a colleague who had a spouse from Vermont say that he preferred “Grade B” because it had a stronger maple flavor and was darker in color. But to the average person, “Grade B” sounds like it would be inferior quality to something labeled “Grade A.” Today, the grade tells you mainly about color and flavor intensity, which makes more sense immediately. Grade A is all commercially available maple syrup now; this is the default for anything you can buy. “Grade B” does not exist, period.

So, I learned a lot of new things today about the second least populated state in my country! I’m so happy I got an update on Vermont’s maple grading and how it changed in 2015; I feel so much more “in the know” about local Vermont facts, and perhaps more importantly, national food facts now. 🙂