Author Archives: Yvonne

Signs of getting older: not being able to easily thread a needle

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When I was young, my mom would ask me to help thread a needle whenever she was mending clothes. All clothes get worn, of course, but with the occasional hole or button that would come out, she was always quick to fix these for herself and for us. Even after I moved out for college and then work, whenever I’d be back home and she’d need to do a small sewing job, she’d ask me to thread the needle. “My eyes can’t see it as well as yours; you have good young eyes,” she’d say.

I always did it easily and on the first try. I never had any difficulty doing it, and that’s also why she needed my help. If she did it herself, she said, she’d be sitting there for ten minutes or more just trying to get the tiny thread into the tiny hole. We didn’t have needle threaders at home to help us, so we just had our bare fingers and eyes to do the work.

In the last month or so, Chris has had a couple of holes that have popped up in his pants, and he’d ask me to fix them. So I’d do it, but it suddenly hit me that it wasn’t as fast or easy to thread the needle anymore. Even though I am slightly near-sighted, as in I have trouble seeing long distances, I suddenly realized that seeing this closely was becoming a small challenge. The first time, it took me five tries to thread the needle with my naked eye. The second time today was even worse: I tried at least ten times before I got it through. Part of it was because the thread’s end was ragged and limp, but the other part was that I just couldn’t see the hole properly and align it with the end of the thread. And so after I finished the sewing job, I went digging in my sewing kit and luckily found two needle threaders (which I likely procured from snatching the sewing kits from high end hotels; it’s the little things in life!). I quickly learned how to use them, and I decided that from now on whenever I have to sew, I will just reach for them first and not waste any time. There’s no reason to make anything harder for myself than it needs to be, and I just have to face the fact that while I am getting older, so are my eyes.

Trader Joe’s: limited time, ephemeral items

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Since I was young, I have always loved Trader Joe’s (let’s please put aside their shady practices with doing business with small business owners for a minute). Their products are generally cleaner and have fewer gross ingredients. The packaging is always fun. The prices are most definitely always low, relatively speaking. I still have fond memories from when I was in high school, and my dad found a delicious kiwi gooseberry jam from TJs. I was completely obsessed, and I was never a big jam person. It had this really great balance of light sweetness with tartness, and it tasted like real fruit, just mashed up. I also liked the occasional chunk of gooseberry I got in my mouth while eating it. I requested he get more of it each time he went to Trader Joe’s, which was maybe once every couple of months. One day, he returned from a Trader Joe’s trip and said that my beloved green-hued jam was no longer there, that they had discontinued it. I was completely crushed: WHY? I asked. It was so, so good. Who could have that unique, delicious jam and not be completely enamored with it?

Then in my college years, Trader Joe’s carried their own version of Nutella, but far higher quality: their hazelnut chocolate spread had 31 percent hazelnut, unlike Nutella, which only had about 10-11 percent hazelnut. Each weekend breakfast at Wellesley in the dining halls, I’d take it down with me and have it be my weekend indulgence. I’d spread it on a piece of whole wheat toast and savor the nutty chocolatey flavor. And then, of course, that item also got discontinued.

As of late, the item I’m sad about, but was warned about from the beginning, is the Trader Joe’s organic tart cherry fruit spread. The Fearless Flyer told me it was available in limited quantities, made with organic Turkish sour cherries. I love, love, love all things sour cherry related. So when I saw it on the jam shelf in the spring, I immediately got the 15 oz jar (for only $4.29 – what a steal!). I made the mistake of never opening it at the time to see how good it was. Chris just opened it this week (over 5 months after I originally got it… AHHHH), and we both agreed this jam was phenomenal. I immediately got sad, though. I knew it was a limited release, and I didn’t act on it. I could have been smart about it and opened it when I got it back in May, declared it delicious, then gone back to Trader Joe’s and gotten four more jars to stock up for the future. But… I didn’t.

I guess this is just another lesson to myself for the future with limited stock items at Trader Joe’s. And maybe, it’s also a lesson to just enjoy what I have now… before it’s all gone.

My toddler is slowly overtaking all my possessions

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When I was growing up, I fondly remember claiming all of my mother’s belongings as my own. I’d try on her shirts and sweaters. I would put on her jewelry every time I was able to get my hands on them (and occasionally, much to her anger, would break some pieces…). I’d walk around with her high heels (and then subsequently fell down the stairs that way). I even got into her bathroom cabinet and applied her face cream. She drew the line, though, when I attempted to apply her eyeshadow and lipstick: she did NOT want me putting anything on my face. I did all these things before the age of 5. Like most little kids, I loved the idea of “playing grown-up.” The world of grown-ups, from a child’s perspective, is truly riveting and endlessly exciting, full of possibilities. So it’s no wonder that Kaia shows all of these same desires every time she sees Chris and me do anything she knows she’s not supposed to do.

She will oftentimes ask if she can drink some of our coffee or tea. She always tries to put on my shoes and has recently attempted to put on my hoodies and socks. Instead of playing with her own play pots, she will want to play with my real pots. She knows that when I put sunblock on her that I have my own sunblock, and so she’s asked to use mine (and I usually say no). She has recently asked if she could wear my earrings, but I told her she can’t (yet) because she doesn’t have her ears pierced. She loves to twirl them around in her hand and play with them while they’re dangling from my ears. The rare times she gets her hands on my phone or Kindle, she says that these items are hers.

And perhaps the most frustrating (and cute) thing she has been doing lately is that at some point in the middle of the night, she will creep over from her bed onto ours. I will try to set up a pillow for her at the foot of the bed, but she will consistently refuse. Instead, she will insist that she sleeps right in the middle of MY pillow on my side of the bed. And she knows exactly what she’s doing: she will have this huge grin on her face as she looks up at me, sleepy eyed staring back at her. I have to fight her for my pillow and side of the bed. Sometimes she will stage a protest and try to sit up and not sleep. Or, she will run to the couch and just sit there and wait for me to get her. Chris always wakes up and lays down the law, though: she either has to sleep at the foot of the bed between us, or “you have to go back to Hoji’s bed,” he admonishes her. She usually listens to this and then acquiesces, placing her head on the pillow at the foot of the bed and minutes later, passing out.

Children: the petri dish of germs

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Since Kaia has started at her new school, we figured it would only be a short time until she caught something from one of her classmates. She became boogery and snotty about two weeks in. The last week of September, I also became a little under the weather and had a stuffy nose. I was constantly blowing my nose, but the good news was that it ended there. It didn’t develop into a sore throat or cough or anything worse. I was still functional, as was she. But in the last week, she is still boogery and coughing, and I can hear phlegm when she coughs. This past Saturday morning, I woke up and knew something wasn’t right. My throat was sore, and my nose didn’t feel right. After Saturday’s Rendang Hang, I woke up with my throat hurting even more, plus my body felt sore. All the talking probably didn’t help that evening, and fast forward to now, I definitely know I am under the weather: headache, sore body, phlegm, stuffy nose, sore throat. This is no fun.

I am lucky to say that this is the first time I’ve actually really been under the weather this year. To date, I’ve taken zero sick days from work, which is pretty impressive since Kaia has been in school this whole time, actively collecting germs and snot from her little friends. So I guess October isn’t too late in the year to take a sick day.

Mirna’s Pupuseria in Flatbush

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I am embarrassed to say that I did not know what pupusas were until I reached adulthood. It wasn’t until the early 2010s when I finally went to a Salvadoran restaurant in the Mission District of San Francisco when I finally ate one for the first time. And it was certainly a memorable, delicious experience. If you aren’t familiar, pupusas originate in El Salvador, and they are flat, fine-cornmeal based savory pancakes with different types of stuffing, ranging from chicharron (not the crispy pork skin, but rather shredded pork shoulder), a combination of 5-7 types of Salvadoran cheeses that are like a mix of queso fresco and mozzarella in flavor and texture, to refried beans or loroco, an edible Salvadoran flower. There are so many stuffings, and many can be combined, but what was delicious about all of them was how deeply savory they all were. They are, what Australians would call, “moreish:” once you have a bite, you are easily tempted to keep eating more! When cooked on a griddle, the best ones have this nice textural contrast of crispy edges and chewy middles. Pupusas are always served with a curtido, which is a sour slaw of cabbage and carrots, as well as some salsa roja (red tomato-based sauce) on the side.

Once, I tried making them with some fine cornmeal I had purchased, but the project went completely awry. I figured that I likely did not have the right grind for my cornmeal. I probably also over kneaded the dough. The result ended up being more like a flatter hockey puck, and the texture was not soft or dreamy, but dense and far too chewy. After that first failed attempt, I figured that I could just find a pupusa somewhere in Queens or uptown when I really wanted one. It would be better to support a small business who makes them expertly than spend too much of my own time toiling over how to make them.

Then, in 2022, Chris discovered Mirna’s Pupuseria in Flatbush, Brooklyn. Mirna’s is a small pupusa shop run by a husband and wife team. When Mirna first moved to New York from El Salvador, she used to make her visiting friend’s pupusas when they came over. So they joked and said when they came over, they were coming to eat at Mirna’s Pupuseria. And that’s how the name originated. The pupusas are just perfect here, even when they are reheated a day or two later. We love the refried bean and cheese ones, plus the chicharron and cheese pupusas. I am sure all of them are good, so it’s hard to go wrong with them! The Salvadoran style horchata is a nutty and sweet thirst quencher. Maybe at some point when we come back, I’ll order some Salvadoran style tamales, but the pupusas are just so good that it’s hard not to just want to order these here. The staff take their time with the pupusas, as all are made to order. As I always tell Pookster and get her to (begrudgingly) repeat after me: good food takes time. And they put so much love, care, and time into making these pupusas. Little food shops like Mirna’s is what makes New York City so special.

Rendang Hang with the Sambal Lady

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For our fourth year in a row, we went to the Sambal Lady’s house and backyard in Flatbush, Brooklyn, for her annual Malaysian feast. This year, she called it the “rendang hang,” after her famous beef rendang.

For the delicious meal, we had freshly fried shrimp chips as a snack, rojak buah salad, ghee rice, beef brisket rendang, a vegetable curry mix and ended with a gula melaka and coconut sticky rice. We also had an interesting selection of local craft beers, as well as unique samplings of other booze, such as a fun durian brandy.

Given there were 70+ people at the event, it was hard to chat too much with Sambal Lady. But when we did chat a bit, she told us that she would not have had this event unless I had messaged her a couple months ago asking about it. Then, I told Chris that I’d be making beef rendang using Auria’s spice blend, and he asked if she was having her annual feast again. I messaged her, asking if this would still be happening given that her event partner had moved to Ohio, and “Chris has a hankering for your rendang.” She responded and said they weren’t sure, but now she’d start talking to him. So they settled on 19 October and set the date! She said she wasn’t sure she wanted to host a big event given she had a rough trip to Malaysia in August for her mother’s 90th birthday, but after I messaged her, she got into the spirit and decided to just jump right in. We were lucky and got some good pictures of us together with Kaia (who even smiled!). When I first came to her house and met her in September 2021, I was pregnant with Pookster. And we’ve come every year since. So this is now our fourth year coming with Kaia in tow… just that in year 1, Pookster was still in the uterus! Kaia always gets a little shout out during Auria’s welcome speech since she was named after Auria’s pandan kaya jam. And so we have a lot of repeat guests who recognize us and say that we’re like distant family that they see once a year; one of them remarked to me, “You two are like mini celebrities! We know of you and know you!” a dinner attendee exclaimed to me.

We also had our couple friends that we met three years ago come to the event again tonight, so it was like our three-year anniversary of meeting — and at the same location! The older I get, the more I marvel at how quickly time flies. Three years ago really didn’t feel like that long ago, even though I was pregnant then, and Kaia is now almost 3!

Auria’s shindig always attracts lots of interesting people who not only love to eat and drink, but also love to cook (given her line up of spices and sauces) and by default, travel. So I had a lot of interesting conversation tonight, which has left my throat even more sore than it was when I woke up this morning. But it is all most definitely worth it!

Brothy beans and the magic that is Malaysian sambal

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A friend I made late last year and I have been bonding about all things fancy food related. She gets most of her meat and beef bones from a local farm that is a short driving distance from her apartment in New Jersey. She also has been purchasing Rancho Gordo heirloom beans, and at around the same time I made my first (and so far, only) order from them. She told me she has been so ruined by these beans that she doesn’t think she can buy regular beans anymore. Given that I still want value, I’m definitely still buying regular beans, but I plan to reserve the Rancho Gordo beans for recipes and dishes where the main flavor I want is the bean (instead of any strong spices). So sorry to Indian dals, but I won’t be using Rancho Gordo for you — at least, not yet! When I last saw her during the AFSP walk, she had told me she’d just made a big pot of Rancho Gordo beans. I asked her how she prepared them. And she said that all she did was boil them with some basic vegetables (onions, carrots, bay leaf, etc.), seasoned, and ate them just like that, with the delicious bean broth and all. So I thought…. Hmmmmm. Maybe I should do that, too. I should stop overthinking the preparation and just take advantage of the fact that the Rancho Gordo beans yield a delicious bean broth and eat them as is!

So I took out a bag of heirloom Jacob’s cattle beans this week, soaked them for four hours, then threw them in a pot with water and a parmigianno reggiano rind and simmered for another three. Once they were done, I stored them in glass jars with the bean broth and all. When serving, I added some grated parm, salt, pepper, and that was it. It was delicious on its own, but I wanted to add some heat to it, so I took out the Sambal Lady’s hot chili sambal and dolloped a small amount on top of our bowls. And that really made it special! I have honestly been neglecting the hot chili sambal, and seeing how much it enhanced my brothy beans here, I knew it was a reminder to me to use it more!

Since I always love tinkering, sometimes it’s hard for me to appreciate that less can be more. In this case, these simple brothy beans made our week. Pookster was obsessed with these brothy beans; she’s already had second helpings two days this week at dinner time!

Porcini mushrooms are too expensive

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I get a few emails a week from Food & Wine magazine, along with a number of other food bloggers/writers/cookbook authors, as an inspiration for what to cook and what to add to my “to cook” list. This can get a bit overwhelming, especially when you add all the recipes I’ve already been wanting to make because I just want to, and all the dishes I get inspired by on Instagram. But I suppose we all have something to live for and look forward to! The latest recipe I decided to make this week was pork and porcini mushroom meatballs. We went up to Arthur Avenue in the Bronx this past weekend and restocked on tinned San Marzano tomatoes and some high quality dried pasta. I also picked up a gorgeous bunch of fresh basil and onions. We stopped by Casa Della Mozzarella and got a pound of their fresh mozzarella bocaccini balls. And luckily, Borgatti’s was open, so we got a pound of fresh egg noodles (pappardelle, of course!), a large pack of porcini and ricotta ravioli, along with some jam and tinned clams. Given this, I figured we’d have some pappardelle with a side of the pork and porcini meatballs. But when I looked at multiple shops for the required dried porcini mushrooms for the meatball recipe, I was shocked: a pound of dried porcini mushrooms would cost at least $60! I couldn’t stomach paying this much for any mushroom, so I decided to take the more frugal road out and instead used chopped fresh cremini mushrooms.

The meatballs still came out delicious and satisfying, especially when paired with my pappardelle tossed in a creamy San Marzano tomato sauce I had simmering for over an hour. I don’t know when the price of porcini mushrooms will go down. The price just made no sense. Even with fresh chanterelles, which require you to go foraging since they cannot be domesticated, at their peak price, they are $30/pound when fresh. I just couldn’t wrap my head around how anyone could justify paying so much for dried mushrooms. And I suppose many others agreed with me: every time I picked up a bag of the insanely priced dried porcini mushrooms, they all had a thin layer of dust on them, as if to indicate no one had touched them or even considered buying them for a long time. Given this, I wonder if dried mushrooms can actually… stale?

Laundry stripping

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Well today, I can say that I honestly feel so productive and like a super adult. Or rather, I feel like a true domestic goddess, as Nigella Lawson once discussed. Why? You would ask. Well, it’s because today, I have finally tried out LAUNDRY STRIPPING.

I had no idea what this was until earlier this year, when I came across a mention of laundry stripping on Instagram. I’d read that TikTok had popularized the idea of laundry stripping, which is a term that is used for filling your bathtub up with really hot water, using a 1:1:2 part solution of borax, washing soda (NOT to be confused with baking soda! It’s more alkaline and far more powerful), and laundry detergent. You mix it all up until everything has dissolved, and then you place bulky items of a similar color, usually towels or bedding, into the water and swish them around about once an hour for about four hours, or until the water fully cools. You wring out all the items, throw them into your wash for a rinse and spin cycle, then dry as usual. The idea behind this is that in your washing machine, your washed items never fully get clean because of laundry buildup, grease/body oils/etc., so this method gives your bedding and towels a true “deep cleanse” and takes all the excess grime out that your machine wasn’t able to do.

So I gathered a large bunch of our white/off white/beige towels as my first attempt at laundry stripping. I made the solution, filled the tub, dumped all the towels in, then swished. I swished a total of five times, then did the whole method of wringing them out and adding them to the rinse/spin cycle. And WOW! Just after five minutes of sitting in the water, you could see how gross the water had become. It was already a deep, murky grey color. And that was just after five minutes! This is all the dirty and nastiness the washing machine couldn’t take out!

I’ll be honest: I did feel a happy sense of cleanliness and accomplishment after seeing this. I just hope that the towels actually look and feel a bit better after all this. See? You can never fully trust your washing machine to *really* get your stuff squeaky clean.

Before the Coffee Gets Cold – time traveling to see the deceased

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I just started reading the book Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi. It’s the first book in a series of of novels that was originally an award-winning play. The idea behind the story is a simple premise: time travel in a nondescript cafe. The customers of the cafe Funiculi Funicula can travel back in time, to any time they like and to see whomever they choose, but there is one basic rule they must all follow, above all: they must return before their cup of coffee gets cold. A few other caveats are thrown in, too, to make things a bit more challenging: you can only time travel when sitting in a designated seat in the cafe. You cannot get up from the seat at any point of this time travel session. And lastly, whatever is said and done when you go back to the present time, nothing will be able to change the future. The present will still be the present, and all will be unchanged.

The beginning is painfully slow. I wasn’t actually sure I would continue reading because of how slow and annoying the descriptions were in the beginning. It also is extremely annoying to read about all the cultural stereotypes of how Japanese men vs. women are. Japanese society, like most Asian cultures, does not like to express emotions openly. They are sexually repressed and can never fully say what they think to others out loud, even people who are supposed to be their closest friends or family. So that repeatedly happens throughout the stories in the book. But my general rule with all books is that I have to read to page 100 to decide whether I really want to continue or not. Some books are just slower than others, and that’s how stories can build.

But then I got to the second story in the book about two sisters. One runs a bar and runs a pretty casual life, but we later learn that she left home and got cut off from her parents because as the oldest, she was expected to take over their family business of running an inn, which she didn’t want for herself. Her younger sister is left to to take over the inn. The sisters got along as children, but as they get older, they drift. The older sister is constantly pushing the younger sister away when all the younger sister wants is to be close to her big sister. The younger sister dies in a tragic head-on car collision. The older sister finds out and is struck with so much grief. After over a decade of never going home, she finally goes back to the family house, where she finds her parents mourning her sister’s dead body, lying in an altar-like state. Her parents ignore her and pretend she isn’t there. Later, she goes to the cafe in an attempt to see her late little sister one more time. Another caveat is introduced: when you time travel back to see someone who is deceased, a little alarm goes off at your table to warn you it’s almost time to leave… because the cafe knows from experience that in tragic reunions like these, the person time traveling never wants to leave their deceased loved one.

When there is a person who comes to the cafe to time travel, they need to pinpoint a specific point in time they want to go back to, and who they want to see. And usually, they have a purpose: they want to re-phrase something they said. They want to share a letter that they failed to give. They want to take back something they said. This particular sisters story was particularly touching to me because I think about what it would be like to time travel to the past to see Ed again, and which moment I would have chosen. Of course, this is a bit different: this younger sister did not die by suicide; her death was 100 percent accidental. At first, I was unsure when I would have chosen. But then, I thought… I would time travel to March 2013, when I was home for a long and painful two weeks on my own, without Chris. Endless arguments and snips from my parents happened that trip. But I would time travel to the day I suggested to Ed that we take a walk and get bubble tea at 23rd St and Clement in San Francisco. I would have had a different conversation with him. I still remember the conversation we had: I shared with him that I was worried and wanted him to get therapy. I would have come with a better plan to help. I would have reassured him with stronger words how much I loved him and wanted him to get better. I would also have reiterated to him that he needed to get the hell out of our parents’ house and move out on his own. I would have asked him to commit to a plan and reassured him that he had so much more potential.

Like in the Funiculi Funicula cafe, the present would not change. He’d still be gone. But maybe if I’d had a firmer, more reassuring conversation with him about how deeply concerned I was and how much I loved him, maybe I’d feel a tiny bit better about what I did. I suppose I will never stop regretting what I did and didn’t do with him. But regardless, the world keeps turning and we must go on. I wonder if I had had the conversation I really wanted to have if that would have elicited different words from him. Maybe he would have shared something with me during that conversation that would give me more closure today. Even though it would hurt a lot to see him again, I would jump at the chance to time travel back to see and talk to him again.