Author Archives: Yvonne

An underwhelming dinner out on the town tonight, with a babysitting bill on top of it

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One of our friends has been hounding Chris and me for a double date night. He and his wife have his wife’s parents caring for the kids after they finish school, and the grandparents even take them two nights a week to stay at their home just blocks away. So Sunday and Monday are their nights to themselves, when date night out for them is on Monday. Monday is when they splurge and try something fun and pricey. They will make the reservations for dinner up to a month in advance. So while they have free babysitting very, very regularly, Chris and I don’t have that luxury. When I told Chris that I scheduled this meal out, he got a little sour with me and asked why we were accommodating their free babysitting schedule when we don’t get free babysitting. He also said that (even though he doesn’t work) he doesn’t typically want to go out on a Monday night and would prefer a night later in the week. Either way, it’s our first time doing “date night” with these friends after having a kid of our own, so I thought once wouldn’t be any harm.

My friend suggested this new “2D” Japanese omakase restaurant in the East Village, which I will admit did look gimmicky; it’s the kind of place that I probably would have been really excited to try in my 20s, but now that I’m in my late 30s, I just think it’s another restaurant. But the idea of “omakase” did excite me, as I do love sushi and raw fish, but we don’t really eat much of it when Kaia is around. And $90 for 15 courses did sound like a good deal…

…Until the “courses” came to our table. The first three “courses” came to our table on a single tray for each of us, and two out of three of them were borderline terrible. The first “ball” of raw fish looked and tasted like an after-thought, like leftover fish that they didn’t know what to do with, so they rolled it into a ball. The second in a little bowl was trying to be fancy, but it didn’t taste like anything. The third piece was just fine. It was the start to a miserable dining experience.

The rest of the 11 “courses” came on a single plate, all lined up, little nigiri along with one hand roll, which though they said they recommended we eat right away to prevent the seaweed from getting soggy, was already soggy and had zero crisp at all. The fifteenth and final course was a miso soup, which just felt like an after thought.

Our server was also pretty terrible. I couldn’t tell if he was either sleepy, high, or both. Multiple times, he forgot to bring Chris’s drink, give us more napkins, or more ginger as we requested. He also had to be nudged a few times to simply refill our water. Although I tipped 20 percent, in retrospect, I am not totally sure he deserved that.

We spent over $100 per person for what is likely the most subpar omakase experience we’ve ever had. Plus, once you tack on the inevitable babysitting bill of about $80-100, that is a really, really expensive night out. Granted, omakase dining experiences in New York have only gotten more and more expensive. Many of them are over $300+ per person now. While the company was good tonight, and we had a reasonably fun time out with our friends, I promised Chris that if we go out with them again that I’d do a more careful vetting of the chosen restaurant to ensure that it’s something that’s really worth paying for, as well as paying for babysitting on top of that. He was venting about how “not worth it” this meal was. I agreed with him. But alas, we can’t dwell on the past anymore. It’s literally a sunk cost now!

The Chamber Music Society: Beethoven’s Many Hats for Littles, ages 3-6

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Today, along with two friends and their daughter, I took Kaia to the Chamber Music Society at the Lincoln Center for a relaxed performance of Beethoven’s Many Hats, targeted towards kids ages 3-6 along with their families. A trio consisting of a violinist, a cellist, and a pianist played select Beethoven songs while explaining Beethoven’s story and life. A host also came and interacted directly with the kids. All the artists performing were really sweet and engaged directly with the kids, asking them questions, to repeat when they said certain words, and responded to their answers with warmth and kindness. As we entered the theater, they also presented the kids with different options for toys to use during the performance. At the end, they opened up the stage so that the kids could “play” with the different instruments if they wished. It was a really well put together performance.

I was also especially happy because Kaia did so well during the performance. Every time the host or one of the artists asked a question, Kaia answered. Whenever they asked the kids to make a gesture (“thumb’s up!”) or repeat a word, Kaia did it. And for the most part, she sat and watched the performance intently, playing with her toys, watching them perform, or wiggling her butt in my lap. This time last year, I took her to a Hawaiian performance at the Clark Theater, which did not turn out to be the greatest idea, as she barely paid any attention. It’s good to see that her attention span has progressed in the last year!

We’re lucky to live so close to the Lincoln Center, and to have it offer affordable, kid-friendly performances to get kids acquainted with music and the arts at a younger age. I also enjoyed the chamber music performance and hope to see more of them myself!

Indo Java Indonesian Grocery Store in Elmhurst, Queens

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Today, we spent the day exploring Elmhurst, Queens, my original neighborhood that I lived in when I first moved to New York City back in June 2008. Elmhurst has changed quite a lot since then: modern, new rental and condominium buildings have gone up. Fancier restaurants and even bars have opened up. More and more working professionals who work in Manhattan are moving in. And of course, all that means more gentrification and higher rental and buying costs here. The neighborhood has historically been a mix of working class Asian, Hispanic, and various White immigrants. Every time I go back now, it seems to be skewing more and more Asian. And with that, more Chinese, Filipino, Indonesian, and Taiwanese restaurants and businesses seem to be popping up.

Today, we went back to Indo Java Indonesian Grocery Store right on Queens Boulevard, just minutes walk from my old apartment. This time, it was full of all the goodies that made it so loved amongst immigrant Indonesians: an entire table FULL of Indonesian savory and sweet snacks and desserts, all made by the grocery store staff at a nearby offsite location. And as soon as I saw the table, I felt decision paralysis: so many interesting, delicious things to choose from, but what would I buy? They had lots of fried and steamed snacks, entire half pandan chiffon cakes, and a seemingly endless assortment of different kuih, or steamed Indonesian finger-sized cakes and sweets. In the end, I chose the wajik, a jackfruit/palm sugar/glutinous rice mini cake, plus talam ubi, or a two-layered coconut-sweet potato cake infused with pandan. I had a quick chat with the owner, who rung my items up, and she told me that she always gets excited when non-Indonesians (like me) find her store and get into their products. She also told me about their special Indonesian home cooking meals served on select days of the week, announced slightly in advance on their Instagram handle. It looks like they only started this in 2016, so four years after I left the area. It made me sad I didn’t live closer to this deliciousness.

Indonesia is one of the most populous countries on earth, and their cuisine is ultra diverse and so delicious with its endless herbs, spices, and flavors. Sometimes, I forget how delicious it is, especially since Elmhurst seems to be the only area in all of New York City where Indonesian food exists. Now, I feel like I need to go back when they have their chefs do special meals at the grocery store on Tuesdays, Thursdays, or Sundays, just to remember how multifaceted, spicy, and delicious the cuisine is.

Waddles the Penguin, Star of the Week Presentation

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In the last several weeks, each student in Kaia’s 3K class took turns taking home the class stuffed animal named Waddles the penguin. The goal is to take Waddles on different daily adventures with them, write notes about what they did together, then report back to school on what they did. During individual presentations with a caregiver in tow, the student would read aloud their favorite book and share their poster with the rest of the class.

Today, it was Kaia’s turn to share what adventures she took Waddles on. During the last several days, Chris took photos of Kaia and Waddles doing different activities. He filled out the Star of the Week poster and also the notebook recording activities together. I came to her class at 9:30 this morning to present with her. And well, it was similar to the Mid-Autumn Moon Festival activity back in September where she didn’t really want to participate and wanted me to do everything. She got really shy and refused to face the class. One of the teachers and I had to keep coaxing her. So, I interacted with the teachers and students. I read the book aloud (of course, she still doesn’t read, so this was always going to be the case), and I shared with the class what she did. All the while, she said her ankle, knee, and leg hurt. She found random bits of dust on her pants and shirt and kept going to the trash bin to throw them away. And while going through the book, she called out that “Daddy loves chocolate” or, “I love beets!” All in all, it was definitely MY presentation. At the end, her main teacher presented her a box of surprise rewards, and she pulled out a long, colorful, stacked macaron pen. I looked at it and thought….. Hmmmm. Shouldn’t that be my reward because I was ultimately the one who did this presentation?

All parenting and early child development resources almost universally on the fact that almost all children will act worse and more baby-like and needy when their mother is around. It’s a sign they know they are in safe place and will always be protected. I suppose the rationale is very positive, but the outcome (e.g. in this case, this presentation) is not always positive.

Lincoln Center Annual Summer in the City pay-what-you-wish performances – super competitive this year!

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Since I’ve attended a number of Lincoln Center performances over the years, including ones in recent times that are kid-focused, I am on their email list and get notifications about upcoming events and festivals. Last year, I attended two different orchestra performances for their recent annual Summer in the City series of performances, and I knew I wanted to check out the performance line-up for this year and attend a few more. This year, I got the notification they’d be doing it again this summer, and it would be even more varied. This summer, they would have a really interesting mix of orchestra, opera, theater, and dance. I asked a few friends if they’d like to join, and so I was able to get tickets for two different performances so far.

Alas, the pay-what-you-wish performance ticket purchasing wasn’t as simple as it was in 2024. I still remember that I was able to buy tickets a week or so after, and I had my pick of seats to choose from. This time, when I logged into their site just minutes after General Admission opened up, there was already an online queue! When I got in, I was person 367 on the list, and they gave me an estimated wait time of over 40 minutes before I’d be able to go in and choose seats for a specific performance. One of the performance dates I wanted had already sold out by the time I got in, and it asked me to choose a different date. Luckily, the friend who wanted to go with me to see this modern opera was flexible, so we ended up choosing a date two days later.

Free or low-cost events certainly do exist in New York City; they are actually quite plentiful if you know where and how to look. You just have to be ready to deal with the crowds, even if some of those “crowds” can be virtual. I actually prefer the online queue versus waiting hours on end in a real, physical line for admittance or for a performance to start. It’s a lot less hectic this way!

“Sumi and Topey” leave New York, and Kaia gets sad and wants to go with them

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After a few weeks of on and off grandparents time, it’s time for “Suma” and “Topa,” also known as “Sumi and Topey,” also known as Chris’s parents, to leave. They are leaving for the Europe leg of their round-the-world trip. I told Kaia this morning that they would be leaving, and she immediately grew pensive. She then declared, as she pointed to our bed, “That means you’ll be sleeping in that bed because they aren’t here!”

As we got closer to the time they had to leave, Kaia became visibly sad. She kept insisting she didn’t want them to go, and that she wanted to go with them. She said she wanted to go to Italy (where they are going next) and Melbourne with them. She even tried to put on her jacket and shoes to go with them. As the cab got packed up and they left, Kaia cried for a long time. Chris tried to comfort her and hold her, but she just kept crying. Finally, he consoled her with some Peppa Pig screen time, which of course, got her to immediately stop crying. She was fixated on the Peppa and George fight, apparently. Later on, she still kept saying she wanted to go to Melbourne with them.

My heart always aches in these situations. I really love seeing Chris’s parents get along so well with Kaia, and I love that she has a deep attachment to both of them. I myself also feel pretty sad when Chris’s parents leave. Even though I always get questions about how crowded and packed our apartment must feel, I genuinely don’t mind it at all. I do not say that to seem like a good sport or to create some facade of a perfect in-laws relationship; I truly mean it. I always look forward to their visits every year, and I look forward to seeing them when we go back to Melbourne in December. I don’t really care about giving up my bed for them since our sofa bed is actually quite comfortable. We have two bathrooms now, which makes the whole morning/evening routine a lot smoother. Unlike what Chris says about his parents, I think they are very “go-with-the-flow.” Even when we lived in our shoebox apartment on the Upper East Side and shared the space with them, I found it fun and enjoyable. They never once complained and always made the best of the experiences; they made it seem like an adventure since they’re so used to having a lot of space. At the end of the day, neither of them really came all this way to be a tourist in New York City; they came to spend time with their son and his wife, and now their granddaughter. I’ve always loved preparing food for them, and they are always happy to eat it (with the occasional complaint about being “stuffed to the gills” from his mom…) and make it very clear that they appreciate my efforts and skills. If there is one thing you cannot fault, it’s someone’s ability to always show appreciation for others. Chris’s parents never fail in this regard, even in the simplest things done for them (e.g…. when you place in the bathroom… a NEW SOAP BAR). It’s also nice to change up our usual routine and have other family and loved ones in our home. It’s more lively and more fun.

I also am briefly reminded in recent years of how my parents never visit, but it’s not like I romanticize what their visits could be like. They are not adaptable. They are absolutely not “go with the flow.” They complain about almost everything, see fault in everything, and rarely show outward appreciation for anything done for them. They zero in on the things they do for me and how I apparently have not shown appreciation towards them. It’s a game of, “How can we gaslight our child the most?” That’s not the kind of game I enjoy.

In the back of my mind, though, I still wish I had a better relationship with my parents. I wish I could be more open and honest with them. I wish I had their emotional support. I wish they could be close to Kaia the way that Chris’s parents are to her. But it’s a wish that will never be granted. They don’t want to make the effort, and well, I cannot sacrifice my sense of self and sanity and give them that much more time with her. “It is what it is,” as Chris always says. And lots of truths are sad and hurt.

Injured hamstring, the importance of exercise, and increasing stubbornness and “fixed mindset” as we age

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Since college, I’ve regularly exercised. I was not very targeted about what I did, but I always did some kind of physical activity regularly. Once I started working full time after college, I got a gym membership and went to the gym for a rigorous workout anywhere from 3-5 times per week. I dabbled in different exercise and yoga studios. But it wasn’t until I was 27 when I started being more regimented about when I went to the gym (early morning on weekdays before work), and more regular about what types of exercise I did. And then, it wasn’t until two years ago when I weaned off breastfeeding that I started listening to my body in terms of what I liked and did not like (I generally dislike HIIT workouts), and found what really worked for me (low impact, pilates, barre, light weights) versus what other people (e.g. trainers, exercise guides) said would work for me (heavy weights, HIIT). This is a long winded way of saying: it took me a long time (so, my entire adult life for the last 21 years?!) to get comfortable with what kind of exercise I’d like that would work for me: fitness has most definitely been a journey and not a destination.

I exercise because I know it’s good for me, and it also makes me feel really good. I am always more alert and focused after exercise. I sleep better when I have worked out that day. I feel more agile, flexible, and nimble when I’ve worked out. I can feel a huge difference in my body when a few days have passed and I haven’t done any rigorous workout; it’s actually one thing I really look forward to when we get back from a long trip away. In the long term, I know exercise has helped my overall health; regular physical activity helps combat the inevitable loss of bone density and muscle mass as we all age. And given I am turning 40 next January, I am very cognizant of the fact that once I get there, I’ll begin to lose bone minerals faster than I can create new bone minerals, and thus, my bones will eventually become more porous and brittle.

What concerns me, though, is how inactive my in-laws and my dad are. My dad is turning 77 this year; Chris’s dad turns 72 tomorrow. Chris’s mom is just a few years behind his dad. My dad is basically glued to his computer most days, watching endless YouTube videos and leading this extremely sedentary, sloth like lifestyle. I used to suggest exercise, then I stopped when I realized he was never going to change or listen to anything I said. My in-laws seem repelled by exercise; it’s almost like they are allergic to it or something. The mere mention of the gym, and Chris’s dad’s face goes a little off, as though he has smelled something foul. Chris’s mom finally got semi-coerced into a gym membership by Chris’s brother over a year ago; after an initial consultation there, she says she goes about three times a week. Chris’s dad has bristled at the fact that the gym isn’t cheap, but why should it be, especially given where they live? Plus, spending on the gym is spending on health. They are both happy to spend money on prescription drugs or over-the-counter drugs and vitamins/supplements, but they do not see that spending money on a gym membership is an investment in one’s health. Regarding the gym workouts, I have observed Chris’s mom while at our building gym during their visits: she barely does anything that would really challenge her, which would lead to change in her body or weight. Chris’s mom has insisted for years that exercise “just doesn’t work for her,” as in, it doesn’t help her lose weight, even though she’s never given herself a good, hard look in the mirror and realized that she’s simply not challenging herself enough when exercising. As they always say, “no pain, no gain.” I’m sure it can sound hurtful when Chris or I have said or hinted at this; this is where having an unbiased third party, like a trainer, would be ideal, because they’re only going to say it like it is. They have zero reason to say things to hurt you; they were hired to get you to a better place. I used to give suggestions when Chris’s mom would complain about weight and eating so much (especially with us, because I’m not really about to starve them while they are with us), but then I finally stopped last year when I realized she was doing little to nothing to be honest with herself and actually take action to improve what she keeps complaining about. Now, I just listen or ignore it and say little to nothing in response.

Last week, I injured my hamstring during exercise. I am not sure what I did wrong, but I do know that my left hamstring and IT band were burning when I walked up to 76th Street and back last week. I figured it was time to rest and recover. Later that evening, when I was doing a hamstring stretch, lying on the floor with a towel to lightly pull my foot down, Chris’s dad came over to ask what I was doing. I told him I hurt my hamstring while exercising, and he looks at me, puzzled. “Oh, you injured it during exercise? Then, why exercise at all?”

I explained in the shortest and calmest way possible that injuries happen all the time, but that was not a reason to stop exercising. That’s like saying, oh, you should never try anything if you fail, because in that case, what’s the point? There is a risk in almost everything and anything you do. But just because something may hurt or be unpleasant doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Plus, hello, concerns around bone density and muscle mass loss, especially for them because they have both led very inactive lives?!

After a while, I just don’t think these conversations are even worth having. While we are all getting older, they are in their late sixties and early seventies, showing no signs of adapting a growth mindset anytime soon. They are unlikely to change their ways with exercise or anything in that realm. So I just smile and nod when they say these ridiculous things about how “exercise doesn’t work” or that they don’t have time to exercise or question whether a gym membership is worth the money because it’s clear nothing I will say will either agree with them or change them. So while I don’t think Chris’s parents and mine have a lot in common, what they all most certainly have in common is that they are all very, very much fixed in their ways. I wonder if I will be that way when I am my late sixties/early seventies, where Kaia is lecturing me about something she thinks I should do for my health but have neglected… I hope I can get to be that age where it could even be a possibility.

Chris’s dad’s interesting… palate

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Chris’s dad loves to eat. He is one of those people who is impressed by very little in terms of culinary skills and ability. Give him a piece of multigrain toast with butter, and he will likely eat it all up, with a fork and knife (yes, really), and then thank you profusely for it. “This is superb!” he will declare in his Queen’s English accent.

The other day, I toasted some of our favorite olive bread from Il Fornaretto Bakery in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. I topped them with some of my Le Bordier smoked salt butter that I had vacuum-sealed and brought back from France last November (it was being stored long term in our freezer). I explained when I put the bread on the dining table what kind of bread this was and where it was from. Chris’s mom heard me and nodded while eating. Chris’s dad supposedly heard me. Then a couple bites in, he said, “Yvonne, this bread is delightful. Are these raisins or dates in here?”

So, the first thing to note is that, no, he wasn’t listening or paying attention. His dad, while well meaning, is usually more interested in talking than listening (I guess the apples don’t fall that far from the tree with his sons…). He asked a question that I had already answered before the plate of toasts even hit the table. The second thing to note is that… how can someone confuse the flavor of something very savory and salty (OLIVES) for something that is as sweet as dates or raisins….? I could easily get over the fact that he wasn’t listening to me because I’m kind of used to him asking questions to things that were already discussed or answered, but the confusion about savory flavors vs. sweets is particularly crazy to me.

So, Chris’s dad does, in fact, love to eat. He just… has no idea what he’s eating the majority of the time. That reminded me of the time a few years back when Chris’s mom had marinated some chicken and left it on the counter while doing another household chore, planning to return to the chicken to cook it. A while later, Chris’s dad came into the kitchen feeling hungry and looked at the bowl of chicken as though it was left out to eat. So, he dug in. And he served himself a nice helping of raw, marinating chicken. Yum.

Ending our road trip with a Costco visit in East Lyme, CT

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Our last visit to Costco was in October, when we did a road trip up to Albany, New York, so with this car trip, it was once again time to stock up. We got our usual items, like stocking up on meat, vegetables, and frozen peas and fruit. I also got a really good deal on an Australian boneless lamb leg, as it was six dollars off! But these are a few interesting items I hadn’t seen before that we also picked up for the first time:

  1. Terra Delyssa organic extra virgin olive oil from Tunisia: A crazy deal at $14.99 for two 1-liter dark glass bottles. There is a QR code on each bottle you can scan, and once you enter your lot number on the bottle, it takes you through the entire process from the time it was analyzed and bottled and taken to you! If all the information was true, then these would, by far, be the freshest bottles of olive oil we’ve ever owned – they were bottled in February of THIS YEAR. That’s crazy fresh!
  2. Kirkland Signature brand organic dried tart montmorency cherries: I LOVE dried sour cherries. It’s one of the main ingredients in the original Eleven Madison Park granola, which they present to you in a mason jar as a gift after your meal. But they are so expensive, so I rarely buy them. This bag was quite a steal at 20 ounces (567 grams) for only $10.99. I am definitely using these for granola and future baking, but I would even be happy to snack on them and give to Kaia as a treat.
  3. Tropical Fields brand soft dried durian – Seven 1.76 oz. packages for (net 12.35 oz / 350g) for $11.39. Dried durian is a thing now?! UPDATE: This was delicious! It’s lightly sweetened and has the expected delicious pungent flavor and fragrance that is characteristic of durian. It’s pretty much like durian in fruit roll-up form, except that here, it’s actually almost 100 percent fruit. It has this addictive chewy texture. There are only five small squares of durian per pack, so you can’t get too addicted to this and over eat it even if you wanted to.
  4. Sencha Naturals Organic Everyday Matcha – 12 oz / 340g for $19.99. I wasn’t originally going to buy this since I already have eight different loose leaf teas at home that are nowhere near finished, but Chris talked me into buying it given there may be tariffs in the future that might impact my tea spending. It didn’t take too much convincing, as this was an extremely good value.
  5. Artikaas brand black garlic gouda cheese – this huge block was $10.59. I love trying a new cheese at Costco. My go-to buy is usually the 24-months aged parmigiano reggiano – it’s only $12.49/lb.

Newport visit, rabbits, and dandelions at the Cliff Walk

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The last time we came to Newport, it was just weeks after Ed had died. I was walking around like a zombie, seeing him and signs of him almost everywhere I went. I remember when we struggled to find parking somewhere, we eventually found it on a street called Edward Street. I also felt like I was hallucinating and thought I was hearing his voice or seeing his face in places where he obviously was not.

It’s a very different visit this time with Chris’s parents and Kaia. After having coffee at a cute France-summer-house-style coffee shop and eating lunch at a popular brunch spot, we dropped Chris’s parents off at The Breakers (the Vanderbilt summer mansion) and we explored the town. We walked through and around the exterior of the International Tennis Hall of Fame. I learned about court tennis and how only bougie people seem to know and play it now, and rarely given the rarity of the court tennis court’s existence (this is most definitely the definition of “if you know, you KNOW”). And Kaia saw wild rabbits running around the grounds and stooped and sat to watch them, waiting for them to come back out (spoiler alert: they did not come back out). Kaia was carrying her pink bunny, Irene, as a comfort stuffed animal on this trip. She was running around with Irene, and when I suggested to Kaia that she show the other bunnies her own bunny Irene, she actually smiled and did just that: she sat down on the ground by the grass where the rabbits were and stuck Irene out to show the bunnies. And then she waved to the rabbits to come out. I couldn’t help but laugh and admire how adorable this whole sight was.

After Chris’s parents were done with their mansion visit, we walked along the famous Cliff Walk. Kaia enjoyed running around and picking dandelions, occasionally plucking off their petals and letting them fly away. This was her very first time picking flowers, even if they were weeds, and she really seemed to enjoy it. I picked them with her and we shared our dandelion bouquets. She tried to add grass to them, and well, I had to veto those additions.

Parenting littles goes so quickly. We always grumble at all the annoying parts of parenting, like dealing with the tantrums, the messy eating, the potty training, the bedtime routine and how long it takes. But what I hope to remember most about this period of raising Kaia and watching her grow are these little moments: Kaia proudly showing her pink Irene to the two wild rabbits and grinning ear to ear; Kaia discovering dandelions and that you can pick flowers, and then happily looking all over the grassy paths to search for and pluck them; Kaia greedily grabbing all the clams and so daintily pulling them out from the shells and shoving them in her mouth. These are the moments I would bottle up and want to save forever and never forget.