Author Archives: Yvonne

Unexpected customer news today

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Some colleagues and I had a scheduled call this morning with a customer we hadn’t heard from in months. We had tried reaching out countless times to get a meeting on the calendar with them since April, to no avail. Finally, they agreed to this meeting today, so we spent a lot of time thinking about what we’d add to the agenda. Then, when our executive contact came on, she slowly spoke and revealed that they’d unlikely be renewing our contract when we reached the end date in the spring because they had not seen much a return on any of their e-learning providers and needed to rethink their strategy for internal upskilling. And in the same breath, she revealed that she had stage 4 cancer and would not be around for much longer. She would try to make all our scheduled meetings and respond to our messages, but if she did not, she reassured us that she was not ignoring us; she was simply prioritizing her health, or… she just wasn’t around anymore. She also said she’d try to remember putting up an out-of-office auto reply.

I wasn’t even sure what to say. All of us froze on the call, and the customer kept talking business. So that’s the direction the call went. But it just such sad, unexpected news. I didn’t even know she had any health problems. Plus, for her to talk about not renewing the contract and having stage 4 cancer in almost the same sentence was just completely baffling to me. Plus, the fact that she was reassuring us that she wasn’t ignoring us in the midst of everything she’s going through personally… I was just rendered speechless.

Life is short. None of us knows what is going to happen next. Death is just waiting to take all of us away.

Play date in Greenpoint with Kaia and Hugo; On finding community

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I’m so happy that we’ve been able to find one parent with one child in this building who we not only get along with, but are willing to leave the general Upper West Side area. We planned this play date months ago after I’d told Hugo’s mother about Space Club in Greenpoint. Yesterday, we met them at a Japanese restaurant in the area that had a nice garden/outdoor seating area where the kids could run around and be silly. Then we walked over together to Space Club, where the kids had so much fun we had to drag them out at the end of our two-hour play time. Hugo’s mom wasn’t very keen on taking the train back into the city, so she suggested we catch the ferry from Greenpoint to 35th Street and FDR. Kaia got pretty excited at the idea of being on a boat, so I relented and we took the ferry back. Annoyingly. this ferry is not free, nor is it covered by OMNY card. But if you buy a 10-ride pass, it evens out to $2.90 per ride, which is the same cost as the subway. We got single rides, which cost $4.50 per adult, but that still seemed like a reasonable cost just for the experience of taking the ferry. The ride was over before we knew it!

We ended up spending almost six hours together today, so Hugo’s mom and I definitely talked quite a bit. I realized why she was so open to scheduling play dates with us: she told me that sometimes, she feels isolated being here because her life pre-child was just work, work, work. Most of her good friends are back home in Turkey, and she hasn’t been able to find or build a Turkish community here. She spends so much time working that when she isn’t working, she either wants to spend it traveling or simply with her son. So when she is able to make friends, it usually is with others who don’t have family nearby — people like me. She’s found that when people have family nearby in New York, they are less open to making friends with her and impossible to make plans with.

I empathize with her a lot. For years, I struggled to make friends living here outside of a tiny handful. I definitely do not have any “mommy/parent network” here the way so many others I know do in other cities/states/countries. In fact, other than her and a couple other friends in New York, that’s really all I have for a “parent network.” Now, I finally feel like I have a decent number of local friends who I genuinely like, enjoy being around with, and can be totally open with. This was not always the way it was.

But in some ways, chatting with her about this made me realize how far I’ve come. In the last number of years when I’ve met people that I find interesting or particularly kind, I just reach out to them and ask them to hang out. I have nothing to lose, right? If they say “yes,” great. And if they say “no,” meh; it’s their loss. But I guess that level of confidence really only comes with time and age. I’m also lucky to have a flexible work schedule where I am not married to my work. I’m happy that we’ve been able to sort of be friends, and I am even more thrilled that Kaia and Hugo have a mutual affection for each other.

When Kaia saw her mama on TV

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Yesterday when I left to get to the CBS studio in time for our live segment on AFSP, Kaia was just finishing up her Saturday morning gymnastics class. So Chris took her home and of course, he got the antenna set up with the TV to see if they could watch me on CBS New York live. Kaia got quite the surprise when she saw her mama on TV. Chris got a few videos and photos of Kaia watching me on the live segment. She kept pointing and poking at me when I was on the screen. Her fingers followed where I went. And she kept saying over and over, “Hi, Mummy! Hi, Mummy!” when she’d see me on the TV.

I know Kaia doesn’t know what her mama does for work or for volunteering quite yet; she’s still a bit young. But I do hope that she looks back at these photos and videos one day and is proud of what her mama did to honor her jiujiu’s life. When Chris’s photos and videos had synced in Google Photos of my being on TV and Kaia watching and touching me on the screen, my heart melted to see how excited my sweet baby was to see her mummy on the live TV. It was so heart warming for me. In some ways, it almost made me more proud to see her reaction than to see myself on the TV!

Having a child is a lot of work. Having a toddler is beyond tough with endless ups and downs. But these “ups” make it all so, so worth it, and they are what I live for.

CBS New York Live – AFSP NYC Walk

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At 9:55 sharp, I checked into CBS’s studio just 3.5 blocks away. And at 10:25am, we filmed for five minutes – no cuts, all live. And this was how it turned out. It was a good thing the AFSP ED asked me to prepare a “why” statement a few days in advance because that statement ended up being what I mentally referenced when I was on the stage speaking.

After checking in at the front desk of CBS News, an assistant escorted us up an elevator and through a maze of long, seemingly endless wide hallways with exposed wires of endless colors. It really felt like those “behind the scenes” shots where you see performers go down long hallways before getting on stage. After what seemed like ages, we finally got to a “waiting room” where there was a lit up sign that said “ON AIR.” Signs everywhere said to keep our voices down. The producer came out to briefly introduce himself, told us that the hosts would ask us these several questions (never shared with us ahead of time, but hey, this is live TV!), and then asked which of us would answer what question. He said everything was already behind schedule, apologized for his brevity and the fact that everything felt rushed, and then got each of our lapel mics set up on us. He tested the mics and made sure they looked good on us without having wiring exposed oddly (my dress was particularly annoying, for some reason…), and then said he’d be back in about two minutes to get us.

Just minutes later, we were escorted onto the stage, where we met Doug and Jenna, the news hosts. They warmly greeted us, and we ran through how to pronounce our names, confirmed our AFSP titles/positions, who was going to answer which questions, and then clarified which camera (of the FIVE) there were to look at, or who to look at when. Our co-chair Scott answered questions about who and what AFSP is, I answered questions about why I joined AFSP and why I continue to support and fundraise for it, as well as how to get involved. It all went by so fast that before we knew it, Jenna and Scott were already in the out-tro view, where they were discussing how to seek help if you need it. Once the director yelled “CUT!”, they thanked us for coming on and commended us for being so vulnerable in sharing our stories and wanting to help others. For news casters, I really felt both of them seemed genuine, warm, and kind, which wasn’t really how I imagined anyone regularly on TV being with regular everyday people like us.

The entire experience was so frantic, fast-paced, and tight, with pretty much zero notice of anything that was about to happen. I know I would never do well in TV production, much less live TV production. But even though it went by so quickly, it was a pretty fun and interesting experience to see how live news is filmed at a major broadcasting station like CBS. I felt really honored and privileged to have this experience as a Walk committee member, volunteer, and fundraiser; it’s not like I have a real leadership role at the NYC Chapter for AFSP, so I realize it was a rare opportunity for me to represent them and share my personal story; they definitely instilled their trust in me in this way. It felt really good to be open about losing Ed in a very open and public way, and the conversation we had live, though very brief, felt very conversational and natural, the way I’d have it if someone were to ask me about my involvement with AFSP or how Ed passed. Even though he’s no longer physically here, he still lives on through me and all that I do. And I will never stop sharing his story and how much I love and care for him, even long, long after his death. I don’t want Ed to have died in vain. I want his life and story to live on.

“It’s really amazing that you both do this,” Jenna said, as she walked us off the stage. “I hope this doesn’t sound trite, but I think your brother and your friends (Scott’s friends he lost to suicide) are looking down on you and feel so proud of the work you are doing and how you are choosing to honor their lives.”

I do hope that is true. I really hope so.

AFSP featured on CBS News Live – preparation

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About a month ago, the executive director of AFSP NYC asked if I’d be interested in representing AFSP in the media, so I agreed to it. She said it would include things like TV, newspaper, and magazine interviews. Given that the Manhattan walk is just over a week away, we’re trying to get the word out about the walk more, and we were able to get a segment on CBS News Live because Cindy Hsu from CBS is on AFSP’s board. Two of our co-chairs were not available for the recording timing, so our director asked the third co-chair plus me to represent. I’ve never had any experience being on TV, much less live TV, but I figured it would be a good experience. I’d learn something and get exposed to a world I know pretty much nothing about. In preparation for the media coverage bit, our ED asked me to prepare a “Why I walk and participate in AFSP” statement. She said it would be particularly powerful coming from me because I have now been fundraising for AFSP for 12 years now. So, with some thinking and assistance from ChatGPT to tighten my messaging, I came up with this:

My name is Yvonne Wong, and I’m proud to serve on the AFSP Out of the Darkness Manhattan Walk Committee as a volunteer and fundraiser. This year marks my 12th Out of the Darkness NYC Walk to fight suicide and save lives. Each year, I walk in honor of my big brother Ed, who I lost to suicide in July 2013 after a long struggle with depression and anxiety.

Living 3,000 miles away in New York while Ed was in San Francisco, I often felt helpless and unsure where to turn for support. When he went missing and was suddenly gone, I was overwhelmed by guilt, anger, and grief. I couldn’t understand why he had to die, or why our community hadn’t taken his suffering seriously. In searching for answers, I found AFSP, one of the few organizations that openly addresses suicide—not just mental health in vague terms—and creates spaces for honest conversations, connection, and healing. 

Since then, I’ve shared Ed’s story openly, year after year, through fundraising and community events. What started as a small gesture to honor his memory has grown into something that has felt transformative for me. People—friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers—have reached out to share their own experiences of loss and struggle; many of them confided in me and said I was the very first person they’d opened up to about their losses and struggles. Through AFSP, I found a community of understanding, hope, and connection. I can’t bring my brother back, but I can help ensure that others know they are not alone. AFSP has given me a way to heal and to help build a world where fewer families experience this kind of loss.

Pumpkin spiced creamer

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After I had my fun with my newfound love of mace (the spice, NOT the spray!) yesterday, I added a bit of my ground mace to my freshly blended pumpkin spice blend. I always make this every autumn for pumpkin spiced treats through winter, just that this time, it’s particularly special (with a hint of citrus!) from the mace addition.

The first thing I wanted to make with my pumpkin spice blend was pumpkin spiced creamer. A few years ago, I’d made pumpkin spiced lattes at home that used not just pumpkin spice, but also real pumpkin puree. The issue with that recipe I used was that it required you to blend the milk/pumpkin/spice mixture every time, which didn’t seem practical as a regular activity to do when you just wanted some pumpkin spice flavor in your coffee or tea latte. So I found a pumpkin spice “creamer” idea where you’d whisk all the spices, pumpkin puree, and milks (I used coconut and oat), along with a little sugar and vanilla extract on the stove until boiling, simmer, and then let it cool. Each time you take some creamer out of the jar from the fridge, you just need to remember to shake it a bit before adding to your coffee.

I added the pumpkin spice creamer to my cold brew glass with ice cubes, then added bit more oat milk to top it off. I mixed it up, tasted it, and was quite satisfied. It really did taste very creamy and autumn-like. I could even get the hint of citrus flavor from the tiny bit of mace in the pumpkin spice blend.

The mystical spice that is mace: a surprising source of floral and citrus fragrance

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Back in June 2023 while we were in Kerala, we went on spice tour that included looking at real spices being grown on a farm, including ones that are native to India or surrounding countries, such as cardamom, cinnamon, nutmeg, and mace. I had seen the spice called mace noted in a number of Indian recipes before, particularly in garam masala blends, but it was usually marked as “optional” and not required. It piqued my interest, though, because I had actually not known what the spice mace was or what it looked like. I had heard of mace spray (NOT related, by the way), but the mace spice was not used in that defense spray (ha). Mace is native to the Banda Islands (also known as the Spice Islands) in Indonesia. It is, interestingly, the husk (or more correctly, the “aril”) of the spice nutmeg. Nutmeg is considered the seed of the tree, and mace is the aril, or a delicate, lace-like coating that envelops the seed. On the plant, it’s quite beautiful to look at (if you think plants are beautiful things, that is). During that trip, I decided to get a packet of mace arils. Since then, I’ve stored them in a dark cupboard away from heat, only removing a couple at a time to toast and grind immediately into my homemade garam masala blend.

For whatever reason, I never thought to grind it and smell it alone. Today, I finally did in preparation for my pumpkin spice blend that I was making. I knew I wanted this version to have mace in it. And wow, I was in for a real treat and surprise! The scent was not that surprising after I toasted the whole arils. But once I ground them in my spice grinder, I was completely blown away after I removed the lid and inhaled. The scent of the freshly toasted, ground mace was warm, sweet, floral, citrusy, almost with a minty undertone. I couldn’t get over how citrusy this ground mace smelled. It smelled absolutely nothing like nutmeg, which is far more woody, spicy, and earthy. I also loved the hue of the ground mace: it is this very pretty deep tan/pale orange. After I ground the mace and placed it into a small glass jar for storage, I couldn’t help but keep sniffing it. I just love this scent! I did buy this at a spice farm directly in India, so even though the mace arils are over two years old, you would never guess they were this old!

And to think it only took me almost 40 years to find out how unique and interesting this peculiar spice is!

Curried coconut butternut squash soup with kale and garlic chips and how it all went into Kaia’s tummy

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Though I am generally very hell bent on making most things from scratch, when I saw a new fall item at Trader Joe’s by the name of “crispy garlic,” I figured I had to take a look. After successfully making garlic chips (and its beautiful by-product of garlic oil) only once and having a number of mediocre attempts after, I figured I could relent on this item if it was as cheap and convenient as this bag at Trader Joe’s. It is 4 ounces/113 grams for only $1.99. My final check before purchasing this last week was to look at the ingredients list: just garlic and palm oil — so no weird preservatives or artificial flavorings. I was sold.

I roasted my first butternut squash of the season last week and used it in a curried coconut butternut squash soup this week. I topped it with some sauteed kale in niban dashi and a sprinkling of Trader Joe’s garlic chips. Kaia has been very strange about “creamy” things lately, so I wasn’t sure if she’d like this soup. But, I had no doubt she’d love the garlic chips because the few times I made them, she devoured them and always asked for more. So when I told her she could have the garlic chips only if she had the soup, she initially seemed hesitant. I told her that the garlic chips and the soup go together; she cannot have them separately because that’s not the way I intended it (and well, clearly, I make the rules here!). She initially fought me and had a tantrum, even pushing a spoon off her tray, but I held my ground. She eventually calmed down and consumed the entire bowl I served here, including the kale.

I feel grateful that I have a child who has such an eclectic palate, but I also know that it’s not completely on her; it’s on us as her parents to set rules and boundaries and ensure that she can’t just say “no” to whatever she thinks she doesn’t want. Oftentimes when she rejects things, she ends up loving them in the end. But similar to adults, you cannot say you don’t like something if you’ve never even had it!

Older, not necessarily wiser: I gave myself an ice burn

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I had to ice my elbows last night while reading to sooth the irritation in my elbows, particularly on the left side. While reading, I completely forgot the usual icing advice, which is to only ice for about ten minutes at a time. I got carried away and just kept reading. I probably left the ice pack on my left elbow for over 25 minutes before I took it off. The surface of the inside of my elbow felt irritated, but I didn’t think much about it since the area was already feeling uncomfortable. I woke up, exercised, and showered, to then realize that my entire inside elbow area was not only purple, but I had even developed a small puffy blister where the ice pack rested!

AHHHHHHHH. I was so annoyed. This was not from cubital tunnel syndrome. This blister and purple “bruise” is from excessive exposure to my ice pack. I started cursing myself in my head, thinking about how dumb I was to let this happen.

I am turning 40 in just under four months. I am definitely getting older, but sometimes in moments like this, I certainly do not feel wiser.

Cubital tunnel acts up once again

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I’ve had mild carpal tunnel and cubital tunnel syndrome for about five years now. Since September-October 2020, when almost nightly, I would have to ice my elbows, I’ve come a long way. I know all the right therapy, stretching, and strengthening exercises to keep the symptoms under control and prevent future burning and flare ups. I splint my wrists every night before sleep (very sexy), and whenever I feel elbow irritation, I even splint the annoyed elbow. I know the proper ergonomic computer setup for myself and try hard not to text too much (this really aggravates my elbows and sadly, is probably the number 1 reason for my cubital tunnel). But in the last week, first my right elbow has started bothering me. So I splinted it almost every night at bedtime. Then today, my left elbow started acting up. I wonder if it has to do with all my single arm planks I’ve been doing in the last week during my barre exercises. It’s likely this.

So I iced my elbows tonight while I read on my Kindle at a very specific angle so that my elbows wouldn’t be bent too much. Icing my elbows makes me feel like an invalid, but alas, this has to be done. This is part of pain and health management for me, and well, that also means it’s part of aging.