Monthly Archives: May 2025

Nothing goes as expected with a toddler on an unanticipated car ride home from school

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When I had to go to New Jersey for my work meeting yesterday, I originally planned to do an early morning workout, drop off Kaia at school, then head to Penn Station to take NJ Transit to Morristown. This way, Chris could do pickup at the end of the day. Of course, this plan got thwarted when Chris rescheduled plans for mid-afternoon drinks with his friend, who has a flexible work schedule, and he pleaded with me to let him do drop off that day and for me to do pickup straight from Penn Station. Originally, I was annoyed with this given that he sees this friend almost every week for drinks (it sounded pretty desperate, as though this was the one thing that gave his weekly life meaning), but I figured I’d just relent and and pick my battles, and this wasn’t really one of them. He then said that since he knew I was traveling that I could just use the transit card to take the subway down to Chinatown, and then get a work-paid Uber back home with Kaia. I asked him to pack the ride-safe seat belt for her in her backpack for our car ride.

I got back from my workout yesterday morning to find out that somehow, Chris had forgotten to take Kaia to school with her backpack (he said she was being fussy when they left the house). So he packed the ride-safe belt in my work bag… for me to take to New Jersey and then down to Manhattan Chinatown. I was not happy about this, as I wanted to put my purse into my work bag to consolidate my items, and now that bag would be too full; I was just going to Morristown for the afternoon and didn’t want to seem like I was taking the whole world with me. First, I change my planned schedule revolving around work to accommodate his rescheduled beers catch up with a friend. Then, he forgets to bring the one thing she takes to school…

Chris said that since we rarely take a car that it would be a novelty for Kaia to take a car home from lower Manhattan, and she would enjoy it. So when I picked her up at school, she was excited to see me (she didn’t quite understand that when I said I’d go to Jersey for work for the day that I’d be back at the end of the day; she usually associates my work travel with nights away from her). And she was even eager to put on her ride-safe seat belt. She happily climbed into the car. For a moment, I thought… okay, this ride will be fun. But as soon as I tried to buckle her toddler seat belt to the regular car seat belt, she had a total melt down, screaming, crying, kicking, and somehow managed to get down on the backseat car floor, still attached to the car seat belt. Kaia eventually calmed down when I told her that Suma and Topa would be coming back very soon and would see her when we got home. She eventually passed out and ending up sleeping for almost half an hour. We were in the car for over 50 minutes, stuck in traffic.

Things rarely go how you envision they will with toddlers. But I guess it’s always safe to say that you should never expect anything with toddlers and just take things as they come, and try to enjoy them as best as possible since these moments will fly by so quickly, you won’t even know what hit you. She looked so cute in her ride safe belt, and it was really adorable how she so effortlessly slipped her arms into the straps and allowed me to velcro and loop things together.

New Yorkers hate on New Jersey; New Jersey people hate on New Yorkers

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I have a friend who is originally from Texas, but moved to New Jersey when she was in high school and has been there ever since. She’s the only person I know who lives in New Jersey and regularly and proactively loves coming into New York City; everyone else I have met who is New Jersey based (most of whom were born and raised there, as well) avoid New York City completely unless it’s for work; they abhor the mere idea of coming into the city on a weekend or when it’s not for work. She never whines or whinges about coming into the city; she’s always happy to drive in and meet me. In fact, I have only ever seen her in Manhattan; so far, I haven’t gone to Jersey to visit her even once (maybe I am a bad friend, but she doesn’t seem to mind this thus far). No, it’s not just for work, as she is 100 percent remote in her job; it’s because she recognizes that New York City is literally the center of the country (if not the entire universe) for food.

She was hating on New Jersey people the other day and saying how mad she gets with their attitudes of New York City. She said she couldn’t stand how closed minded the average Jersey person was; most of them are born and raised in Jersey and never, ever leave. They don’t even want to go into NEW YORK CITY, she said. How can anyone be against New York City? she lamented. That’s like being against culture, against diversity, against life! She says the only reason she doesn’t live in the city is that she cannot afford it; plus, she’s trying to spend as little money as possible on housing so that she can meet her personal life goal of retiring by the age of 50.

I was shocked when she always wanted to hang out in New York and was so willing to drive to see me. She insisted it was never a big deal; she was used to driving and driving everywhere, so it was just her means to get everywhere. And when I told Chris this, he said it makes sense that she is happy to do this given she’s not originally from New Jersey and is from Texas, where anyone and everyone need a car to get around, and that’s just what life is there.

I thought about this during my day trip to Morristown, New Jersey, today, for a customer meeting. I basically spent all afternoon in a popular suburban town. It has an upscale, small town feel. Before my meetings, I met up with a local colleague who was attending the meetings with me, and we caught up over coffee. This colleague, who I get along with really well, is like one of those New Jersey people that my friend complains about: born and raised in New Jersey and unlikely to ever leave; rarely travels to see new things. He loves to nudge me every time I chat with him and ask when I am moving to New Jersey with my husband and daughter. And I always smile and say the exact same thing:

“Nope, no plans to ever move to New Jersey. I think Chris would much rather die. And I think I agree with him.”