Monthly Archives: September 2024

Dry oil for skin

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About 12-14 years ago, oils became quite en vogue as part of one’s skincare regimen here in the U.S. Argan oil became extremely popular, as did coconut oil and different forms of olive oil. Endless other oils that are not from food we eat have also become more mainstream, such as jojoba, rosehip, marula, squalane, and seabuckthorn. While I was initially wary of it, especially given that for so long, we were told by endless sources that oils would clog our pores, I ended up embracing oil on my face and really enjoying it. A drop or two can go a long way, and so I oftentimes take a small amount and rub it into my skin before bed before my moisturizer, or I will mix a few drops into my daytime moisturizer when getting ready for the day. As I’ve gotten older, my skin has definitely gotten dryer in some parts, and so I’ve had to find better sources for moisturizing to prevent dryness, especially in the winter time. I don’t really have a loyalty to any one type of face oil now, but I do like trying new things, hence my skincare junkie side that I don’t have many opportunities to discuss with a willing audience.

About a month ago, I was perusing the body/face care section of Trader Joe’s, and I noticed a lemongrass coconut body oil on the shelf. It’s mixed with lemongrass, coconut, almond, jojoba, and olive oils. The description said it would dry quickly, so I thought I would give it a shot. After my morning workout and shower, I rubbed it into my arms, chest, and legs for the first time, and I was actually really surprised at how quickly my skin absorbed the oil. It was so quick to rub in, and once I was about to put clothes on, the oil feeling was not detectable at all. But my skin looked and felt moisturized. And my skin continued to look and feel moisturized the rest of the day; the oil really was locking in the moisture after my shower. The feeling and process of rubbing body oil onto my skin after a shower seemed so much more luxurious (and quick!) than rubbing in regular lotion. I could get used to doing this as part of my morning routine.

I think this is also part of getting older: appreciating all these little experiences that previously seemed gross, excessive, or inconsequential when I was in my 20s, but now are truly like little everyday indulgences. Dry body oil and high quality, scented candles are definitely in this category of little luxuries. And while I do not necessarily love the strong lemongrass smell (as my friend says, “I like to eat lemongrass, not smell like it”), it does fade very quickly, and it also has the added bonus of being a natural mosquito repellent!

The dramatic bursts of aging at ages 44 and 60

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In the last several weeks, the study that cites that human beings age dramatically at 44, then at 60, has been making the rounds. My friend sent me this article a few weeks ago. He’s 46 now, but he told me that he really felt it at age 44 two years ago, right around the time that his now 2-year-old daughter was born. He said he thought that it was just because of being a new dad and having a newborn, which meant worse sleep and higher fatigue, but this study said everything to him.

“Get ready for it,” he’s warned me. He said he’s already been warning his wife, who turns 44 next year, about this change.

But I take his “warning” with a grain of salt since he’s not the healthiest person in both diet or movement. He only had maybe a one-year period (during the pandemic) when he actively worked out (swimming three times a week) and ate more mindfully.

The truth is that none of this news really bothers me. While we are younger and healthy, we can adjust our lifestyles to be more healthy and active. The best thing any of us can do is prevention and health maintenance in the here and now. That means exercising regularly, eating relatively healthy, and trying our best to get adequate sleep. On top of that, it means getting routine health checks, dental cleanings, and all the other riveting “health maintenance” activities we’re supposed to be doing to take care of our bodies. As the Peter Attia Outlive book says, if there’s one thing we can do to increase our longevity, it’s to move and be active; exercise! Even if genetics or luck play a role in all this, exercise can never, ever hurt. I always feel different during the day if I haven’t exercised in the morning. My mind feels less alert, and my body just feels more sluggish without morning exercise.

All of us are aging. There is no doubt about that, and there is no way to prevent that. As the last couple years have gone on, I’ve noticed more expression lines on my face, more sun spots (the bane of my current existence), and less elasticity of my skin overall. I suppose all these are signs of “maturing.” The number of white hairs on my head has also multiplied. I’ve just accepted it as part of life’s progression. I’ve tried to do things like re-apply sunblock more, obsessively put on a hat to cover my face, and seek shade when possible during sunny days. When having my highlights redone, I’ll ask my hair stylist to color my whites. But really, no one wants to stay stuck in time forever. No one wants to be a single age forever. So in the meantime, I’ll do my best to eat more fresh food and whole grains, exercise rigorously and regularly, stretch, sleep adequately, and not worry about what is out of my control.

When the mundane and everyday are funny

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I say this all the time, but one of the absolute best things about New York City is that there are endless things to do here, and so it never gets boring. Part of the reason there are endless things to do here is that people are constantly coming, whether it’s family and friends visiting, tourists or huge musical acts, stand-up comedians, and everything and anything related to entertainment. Chances are high that if you are in entertainment in some form, you will be coming to New York at some point, if not often.

Last night, we went to see the Taiwanese-American comedian Sheng Wang at Town Hall. We originally saw him open one of Ali Wong’s shows a couple years ago, and since then, we’ve been following him on social media. I still remember when I was in middle/high school and how I never really thought I’d see Asians in entertainment in the western world in my lifetime. And thankfully, how wrong I was! Sheng Wang is extremely down-to-earth. He’s like the guy who is super smart in the room but tries to hide it from everyone by acting meek. He is most definitely laugh-out-loud funny and about the most seemingly mundane things: lack of “ambiance” as a priority in the immigrant household, young kids making you go broke because of how much they love and inhale all your berries (read: the expensive fruit with all the antioxidants… you just know you are not supposed to like “oxidants”), a Black and Decker toaster oven vs. a Breville oven. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that the funniest comedians can do just that: take the boring and mundane things in life and make you laugh until you cry, just by seeing them from another perspective, one that isn’t usually talked about or explored in depth.

I’m so happy that Kaia will grow up seeing Asians in mainstream media in the West. It’s a very different childhood she will have from the one I had, in more ways than one.

Rise and shine: The poop explosion all over the bed

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Since the night we returned from our Ottawa/Montreal trip, Kaia had not pooped. She seemingly is holding her poops in for as long as possible until she can no longer stand it. This seems to last anywhere from 3-5 days. At that point, she then starts leaving skid marks in her shorts, which we then have to scrub clean and launder. And we have to force her to sit on the little potty until she lets all the poop go.

So when I picked her up at school yesterday, I noticed immediately when she came out the door that she had a different pair of shorts on. The teacher told me that yes, she did have some poop accidents, and they had to change her shorts three times (using all the spare shorts I had packed as backup). We had to coax her to poop last night after we came home, and while she did let it go into her little potty, we had a strong hunch that she still had more to come. But she seemed relieved after that poop, so we let her go to sleep in her pull-up. Kaia managed to fall asleep fairly quickly, and surprisingly, she never came to our bed at all throughout the night. I woke up just after 6am to look at the video monitor and find that she was still sound asleep in her bed. I felt a bit suspicious, so I went over to the room to check up on her (and well, to sniff her head).

As soon as I opened the door, I realized what had happened just from the strong, foul odor that hit my nose immediately: SHE POOPED IN HER SLEEP. Given how fresh the poop was on the blanket, I figured that the poop had occurred at some point in the previous few hours. It was like a mini explosion!

While her pull-up was filled with poop, she had also gotten poop all over the back of her legs, her blanket, and the playmat (which Chris strategically had placed over her bed so that we wouldn’t need to do extra laundry during this potty training phase). I immediately yelped and told Chris that we had to do a massive cleanup ASAP. Pookster seemed sound asleep, but we had to wake her to clean her up. I wiped off as much crusted poop off her legs as possible and off the blanket. I undressed her and found that not only was her bottom half covered in poop, but the bottom of her pajama top was soaked in urine. Once she was awake, I got her to stand in the bathtub so I could hose her down and given her a quick scrub and shower. While I took care of cleaning her, Chris took care of cleaning the bed and all the laundry. Then, once Pookster was cleaned up, I had to take care of scrubbing the bathtub clean of any fecal matter residue.

I think it goes without saying that this was completely disgusting and hideous to deal with. The first big whiff of anything you want in the morning is most certainly NOT your child’s shit. Nor does anyone want to do any deep cleaning or scrubbing of anything at the crack of dawn. But alas, here we are, into week six of potty training, and we have finally had a real poop explosion during this season of our lives! Kaia never tires of keeping her parents on their toes.

“Aren’t you glad I put this play mat on the bed?” Chris remarked as he wiped the mat clean. “This could have been a bigger mess to clean up if it hadn’t been for my ingenius idea!”

Letting your child be and relinquishing control (of what they eat)

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During almost the entire period we had a nanny when Kaia had solids, so from about age 6 months to 16 months, I rarely let the nanny prepare her food. I always prepared her food — breakfast, lunch, dinner, or snacks, and I would have it laid out on Kaia’s silicone dish exactly the way I wanted. The vegetables would be cut a certain way, the protein prepared very specifically, the soup laid out just so. I didn’t feel like I could give instructions to my nanny and trust that she’d actually follow them. I knew she wasn’t since in the beginning, she would mash up food that I wanted Kaia to hold and eat. I’d catch this when I was between meetings and taking bathroom breaks. And from that point onward, the trust was pretty much gone.

But as Kaia gets older, and as more caregivers at school are involved, I realize that I have to let go of a lot of things that I used to be really anal about. Once she started daycare, I couldn’t always control what order she’d have her food in or how warm it was. I couldn’t prevent her from seeing other kids having cinnamon raisin toast or goldfish crackers and not wanting them herself. So after a while, I just stopped thinking about it and insisted to myself she’d be fine; it’s all about balance, right, and a little sugar here or a processed piece of goldfish won’t hurt her?

And now that she’s in a publicly funded 3K class, where all food is included, I am no longer making the majority of her meals while she’s at this school. With her 8:30-2:50 class and afterschool program, she gets three full meals (breakfast, lunch, early supper at 4pm) and a snack. The meals are all prepared and cooked onsite. The menu is a pretty good mix of multiple cultures, has a range of different fruit and vegetables, and incorporates lots of whole grains and whole wheat when applicable. I don’t necessarily love that ham is on the menu once a week, since ham is cured and thus processed, but again, I have told myself I have to stop nitpicking and just let some things go. So while I was a little reluctant to have her opt in, I realized I also didn’t want her to be the odd kid having home lunch when all the other kids were having school lunch. As she gets older, she’s going to be more influenced by that and general peer pressure. Plus for me, that means I have to think less about what to make that would be easily transportable and eaten at school in a lunch box. I don’t have to think about what healthy snacks to pack her. It’s one less item on our mental load. And that’s definitely a plus. In her backpack now, all I have to pack is extra changes of clothing, her water bottle, and silicone bib.

She still has a dinner with us once she comes home. I make sure she gets all her usual vegetables, exposure to what we’re eating, and fruit she likely won’t get at school (I highly doubt they are going to serve her peeled and pitted fresh longan or freshly cut pineapple…). The last two days, she’s eaten very healthy portions of the veggies I’ve made, and she’s also eaten more fruit after dinner. My hope, though, is that she won’t lose her taste for home food and that she still loves mummy’s food the most.

First day of 3K: Chaos and lack of information

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It was Kaia’s first day at her new school for 3K today. We had to wake her up a bit earlier to get her ready — light breakfast, changed, teeth brushed, hair done, sunscreen on. After taking some quick first day of school pictures, Chris was able to get Kaia out the door by 7:50. They made it to the front door of the school by 8:20 and waited to be admitted.

It was a bit chaotic. One of the administrators came out to take all the school supplies from the parents. We were told we’d get access to a Google site and Remind app. I emailed the admins about some information about Kaia (e.g. potty training status, silicone bib for meals, afterschool care payment/receipt). I never got a response. It’s 9pm after school has ended, and we still have no email or ETA on when we’re getting access to either.

At pickup, I rang the bell and after a teacher came out to greet me and told me she’d get Kaia ready, I waited outside the locked door for another 10-plus minutes before she came out with Kaia. The teacher’s assistant said she spoke Chinese and English to the kids. This made me wary: how much Chinese are they are really getting if the second teacher speaks both to the kids??

The admin came back from what I think was an errand, and she let me know how Kaia’s day was. She ate well, played well, made one new friend, and did not nap at all. The admin told me about the carbs she ate, but didn’t give specifics about fruit, protein, etc. I had to ask separately about supper, which is served for the afterschool program kids. I wasn’t told what they learned today. The admin then clarified that the second (Mandarin) teacher was actually another teacher, not the TA I just met. The Mandarin teacher just had to leave early today, so the admin was stepping in for the Mandarin teacher to lead the afterschool program activities.

I thought Kaia would be really happy to see me at pickup, but this was not the case. The funny thing was: when Kaia came out the front door, she didn’t seem excited or happy to see me. She looked more stunned or shocked. But when I kneeled down to hug her, she immediately hugged me and grabbed me, trying to climb on me so that I’d hold her. She clearly missed us.

I hope this is just a rough patch in the beginning of the school year and that these mishaps are not indicative of what the rest of the year is going to be like.

3K orientation and new school

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This afternoon, we went to the 3K orientation for Kaia’s new school, where she’ll be starting on Thursday. The orientation was straightforward: the administrators explained the schedule, cadence of the year, afterschool program activities and focus areas. The principal made some snarky comments about New York City’s Department of Education (DOE) since their 3K and 4K programs are publicly funded. They provided lukewarm pink lemonade and grocery store donuts. They reiterated the school supplies list, which included odd things (well, odd to me, anyway) like hand sanitizer, hand soap, and paper towel rolls. What is this: the school cannot even afford hand soap after my child poos or pees, so now I have to provide this…? Is this what public school education is like now?

The main reason we’re even doing this double commute down to Chinatown every day is that this is one of just a handful of Chinese immersion schools that is publicly funded in New York City. So there will be an English speaking teacher and a Mandarin speaking teacher in the class to teach the usual curriculum for the school day. Then, in the afterschool program, they will focus on Chinese language, writing/character recognition, and culture. I was so happy to hear that they’ve already set a date for parents to get together with the kids in the classroom for Mid-Autumn Moon Festival and lantern making. I hope we get selected since they said it’s a lottery (not all parents can attend every event, so they rotate). Unfortunately, they were still selecting who would be the Chinese teacher, so that hadn’t been finalized yet.

At bedtime tonight, I talked more with Kaia about how tomorrow would be a big day: she’d go to her new school and have a new classroom with new friends and new teachers. They’d give her lots of yummy snacks and food. She had to remember to pee and poop in the potty and ask the teachers for help. And she responded, “And I get to see Ms. Tanique?” (that’s her former 2s teacher). I lightly told her that Ms. Tanique would not be there. She looked sad and said, “I want Ms. Tanique!” I said again that Ms. Tanique would not be there. Yes, that is sad, but she’d have new teachers that she’d like and get to know. She smiled and then squealed, “And new friends, too!”

This double commute better be worth it. I’m not sure how I am going to feel if she comes out of a year of this and her Chinese hasn’t improved. Some critical reviews of the school said that while it was good, they didn’t feel that their kids’ Mandarin had gotten that much better. They also did not like that when their kids spoke with their friends/classmates, it was all in English. When they switched their kids to 100% immersion schools (of course, private), the kids all spoke in Chinese to each other. We shall see…

Juggling working from home and childcare

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For the handful of days we’ve had in between San Francisco, Ottawa/Montreal, and school starting this Thursday at Kaia’s new 3K school, we’ve had to juggle having her at home since we already ended our time (and payment) with the last school. To say the least, this has been pretty challenging and annoying because I never really feel like I can focus on any one thing while she’s around. There’s the tug of work as in, hey, this is actually a working day for me, and I have things to do even outside of my regularly scheduled meetings. Then, there’s Kaia tugging at me because she always wants my attention, even when she’s doing something separate from me. The weather is still very nice outside, so I still want her to go outside to the park or playground, but between Chris and me, we need to tag team and figure out when the best windows are to take her outside. Since Kaia was a baby, she’s always hated it when we’re at our computers and not engaging with her. Now, she gets annoyed and says, “I don’t want Mummy/Daddy to work.” She knows that when we’re working (on our computers), it means we cannot play with her. She’s even tried pushing or hitting my computer in response. Yes, she’s jealous of an inanimate object.

These several days, while they’ve been fleeting, always made me feel a little guilty that my mind wasn’t totally focused on work or her. But it also made me sympathize even more with my friend who we just visited, who works 100 percent from home but also takes care of her son full-time — all at the same time. She gets zero breathing space from childcare because it’s all consuming 24/7. Granted, her work is a lot less meeting heavy than mine is, but I cannot imagine that she’s ever really able to fully focus on work while her son isn’t sleeping/napping. Even when toddlers do independent play, it’s usually in small bursts (or when they’re up to no good and wrecking the house). And they always want to know that you are paying attention to them or engaging with them.

These experiences also make me respect stay-at-home parents even more and how they’re somehow able to do all the childcare work, likely the majority (if not all) the housework and cooking, and still have it all together with themselves. I can barely clean the bathroom with Kaia around. I just don’t how stay-at-home parents do it all and don’t completely lose their minds even without “paid work.” Stay-at-home parents definitely do not get the credit or respect that they truly deserve. When you think about it, when there’s a stay-at-home parent, they pretty much never get a break. The parent who does “paid work” outside of the home gets an actual separate space to be an adult, do adult things/have adult conversations, and do something completely not child-related. They have the mental and physical space to separate family from work. Stay-at-home parents do not have that luxury when it comes to separating childcare, child’s learning, housework, cooking, grocery shopping, etc.

Shame on us as a society and world.

St. Viateur Bagels in Montreal: The best damn bagel in the world

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As someone who has lived in New York City for the last 16+ years, I can honestly say that while the bagels here are delicious (to this day, my favorite bagel in all of New York City is at Absolute Bagels in Morningside Heights in Manhattan), they are not quite on the same level as Montreal bagels. The reason is really simple: New York bagels are… heavy. Once you’ve eaten half or one, you KNOW you have eaten it. It weighs on you. It makes you feel heavy and like you cannot eat anything more. When you have a Montreal bagel, somehow it manages to be light, airy, and crisp, and you can easily eat 5-6 of them and not even realize you ate that many freaking bagels. I’m going to say it, and I don’t care what you think (especially if you’ve never even been to Montreal and had one of their bagels: Montreal has the best damn bagels in all of North America, if not the entire WORLD.

How are Montreal bagels different from New York bagels? Montreal bagels are wood-fired. When you walk into any St. Viateur, you can immediately see the open wood-fired oven. That’s why Montreal bagels have that delicious crispy exterior, which is then contrasted quickly with its very light and chewy interior. This is all heightened by (what I think is) the best type of Montreal bagel: the sesame. THE SESAME BAGEL IS THE BEST. We came back to St. Viateur after 10 years today. Ten years ago, we visited their location on Mont-Royal Ave E, and this time, we visited their more old-school location on Rue Saint-Viateur O, right in the heart of the Jewish ‘hood, which had at least three thousand more reviews on Google. And for four Canadian dollars, we got three bagels: sesame, all dressed (what they call the “everything” bagel), and apple maple (for Pookster). All dressed was delicious. Apple maple was good. But the sesame – AHHHH, the sesame. The sesame bagel was truly perfect. The first bite was exactly the same as my first Montreal bagel bite ten years ago, everything from the contrasting textures to the taste and the flavor. The toastiness of the sesame seeds on the outside of the bagel just sang. It really SANG. We ate all three bagels just like that. And we didn’t feel heavy at all.

Also, you know how people in New York slice bagels and put the cream cheese in between? Here at St. Viateur when you watch people eat their bagel, they take bites and DIP the bagel into their tiny containers of cream cheese. Yes, that’s how they eat them here! It is no doubt a lighter bagel here in Montreal!

Dreary Montreal

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When I look back at all the major cities we’ve visited in Canada, while I loved Toronto, Quebec City, and Vancouver, for some reason, I do not feel the “L” word is quite fitting for Montreal, and I’m not completely sure why. In 2014 when we first went, it was dreary and raining almost the whole time we were there. I am sure that did not help. But the other part that threw me off was that even though I know basic French since I studied it in school, when I listened to people speaking in French in Montreal, it didn’t sound anything like the French-French I learned in high school. I remembered people constantly bumping into me. I wasn’t sure if they were tourists or locals, but it was really annoying.

And somehow, similar things happened this time around, too! On our first day in Montreal, people were constantly bumping (or almost bumping) into me on sidewalks and streets. It was as though they lacked peripheral vision. Then, the weather was also crappy this time around, as well! It nearly poured within hours of our arriving, and we ended up having to duck into a little Italian cafe to avoid getting drenched by the torrential rain. Plus, with the rain came lower temperatures: it’s at least 10 degrees F lower than what the weather report showed for this area before we left. I was being stupid and naive when I packed for this trip, and the heaviest thing I brought for myself to wear was a flimsy cotton cardigan; the part that annoyed me the most about this is that I usually always pack an extra layer or two just in case (it’s my San Francisco “you can’t trust the weather” mentality). I have no real shoes and only two pairs of sandals. I was freezing here today.

I don’t know when I am going to Montreal next, but I do hope that if and when that next time comes, that the weather actually holds up and I’m not constantly getting wet while I’m there. Because if you are walking around a city as a tourist under dressed and freezing, it will never bode well for how you remember it.