Wedding day ambition

Despite it being her wedding day today, my friend decided to organize an out-of-town friends brunch at 10am. Although I felt that the idea would be very ambitious given that her wedding would be at 5pm, I selfishly hoped she’d follow through with it. It would give me more time to catch up with her, and also more time to get to know her friends from all over the place. Aside from me and our friendship from college, she had a friend and her boyfriend also travel from New York City, who she’d met in Beijing while working at a magazine after college; her high school best friend and his husband come from Minneapolis; and her middle school camp friend and her husband attend from Indianapolis. “You have someone representing each part of your life at this table!” her friend exclaimed.

My wariness over how well we’d get along immediately ended when her high school friend and I hugged and greeted each other, and we already knew who each other was because we’d heard so many stories from our mutual friend about each other. “I feel like I already knew you, but I just hadn’t met you yet!” he exclaimed. It’s like that Michael Buble song “Haven’t Met You Yet.” The entire group got along really well. Her friends were what I imagined — a varied bunch of intelligent, ambitious, witty, and very opinionated people from different parts of her life. We were all loud and laughed insanely, and we all had very strong opinions about Trump Nation, the current state of the union, and how racist and intolerant society was becoming because of this new leadership. We discussed cultural differences across the country and the nuances even in the same metro areas. We even discussed sex and cheating. That’s how much ground we covered over the course of brunch and then the wedding evening. It was a day of very intellectually stimulating and varied conversation. Meeting friends of friends doesn’t have to feel forced or be fake after all. I genuinely loved the entire day.

 

Buca di Beppo

After arriving in the 88-degree city that is Phoenix, I spent the afternoon wandering around the hotel property, admiring the oddly placed herb and vegetable garden situated right alongside the outdoor pool, rolling my eyes at the tomato-red vacationers spraying themselves with sunblock in a futile resolve, and ceramic ironing my hair for tonight’s wedding rehearsal dinner. I signaled for my ride to take me to the restaurant, and when I got to the hostess desk, I asked for the Friedman wedding rehearsal party. The hostess only heard the “wedding rehearsal” part of my question, so she led the way to a table deep into the (huge) restaurant, and when we arrived, I recognized… no one. Not Ellis, not her parents… no one. “Here we are!” the hostess said to me. Everyone at the table, who looked like they were all half-way through their dinner, looked up and smiled awkwardly. One empty seat was remaining and beckoned to me. I lowered my voice and said to the hostess, “Is this not the Friedman party?” “Oh, no!” the hostess exclaimed. “This isn’t! I’m so sorry!” The entire table started laughing and one person even offered to let me sit down and join them, but I politely declined and went out with the hostess and waited for my friend’s party to arrive. I was the first to arrive. At least I wasn’t late.

When everyone did finally arrive (late), I greeted the family and friends and spent a good amount of time catching up with my friend’s dad and chatting up her famous grandpa, the one who I always heard about as the very smart heart surgeon, the “pappy” who my friend loved to bits. Her parents were exactly as I remembered — extremely warm, friendly, and eager to hear all about me.

“So, I’m pretty certain that since graduation, you have not worked at all,” my friend’s dad said to me in a matter-of-fact tone. “I follow you on Instagram, and if I know nothing about your life, all I do know is that all you seem to do is eat, cook, travel, eat some more, and travel again. You’re always traveling! When are you not traveling?!”

I laughed. “Well, I do love food and travel.” I explained to him that I actually do work, but my work since graduation has never been sexy enough to warrant my photographing any of it. “Food and travel are so much prettier to take pictures of!” I told him.

This is why Facebook and Instagram can never be true representations of any of our lives. We want to share with others what we love and find the most dear to us. The things that are not attractive or cool or sexy — we withhold those from view.

Who wants to see me creating pivot tables in Excel or writing emails on a Macbook Pro, anyway?

 

Wedding attendee

I’m getting ready to travel to my friend’s wedding in Phoenix this weekend. This will be the first non-family wedding I’ve attended without a plus-one as an adult, and it immediately reminded me of my friend who hates attending weddings without her partner and plus-one. I wonder how I will get along with my friends’ friends, because I’m sure as you know, for the most part at weddings, you will spend probably 10 percent or less time actually talking to the bride and groom. My friend is very opinionated, so I’m sure she also has a lot of friends who are like this, too. I actually am a little sad that my own friend table at my own wedding didn’t seem to “click” that well. I guess their individual personalities didn’t really mesh that well even though they all had me in common. Or maybe they just didn’t drink enough.

But if all else fails, I will still have her dad to chat up, as I always loved having him visit her in college. He was always so kind and generous, and would offer to take me out to eat with them, and we always ate interesting food together — Indian once, Ethiopian another — whatever cuisine you wanted, he’d enthusiastically agree. It was such a happy and welcome break from the mundane dining hall food in college. I remember those moments fondly because I remember thinking, how does someone my age have a parent who is this interesting and funny and witty? He’s a father’s age, but he seems to look at the world the way we do — he’s liberal, open-minded, loves to try new things, and is so creative. This is a world I was unaccustomed to, and I can’t wait to see him and his wife again.

 

Modern Vietnamese

Vietnamese food is all the rage in New York City now. Over the last few years, trendy restaurants have been serving bun, pho, and banh mi like my mother never would have predicted. There have always been decent spots in Manhattan Chinatown, with my favorite banh mi spot out in Sunset Park, Brooklyn, but no place has really stood out to me as being a place I really love.

In recent months, new “modern” Vietnamese spots have opened, ones that claim to use ingredients that are locally sourced, meat that is grass-fed with no antibiotics and hormones, and organic produce. One of these spots is Hanoi House in the East Village, where my friend and I met last night. I was skeptical about paying $16 for 16-hour Northern Vietnam-style pho, but I was tempted, especially since I want to get my mind out of the thought that “ethnic” food should be “cheap.” My friend and I shared a manila clam rice porridge, a papaya and pig ear salad, and the 16-hour pho with bone marrow, and I couldn’t have been happier. The pho was probably one of the clearest, cleanest beef broths I’d ever had, with a depth where I could literally taste all the elements of pho: charred onion, roasted and simmered bones, star anise, and all of the other different herbs. If the broth had stayed hotter for longer, I probably would have finished it all myself after my friend had her share.

Sibling hangout

Tonight, I met a friend visiting from out of town for dinner, and over two hours, we caught up on everything that’s happened since we last saw each other, about eight months ago. She’s here for a brief work trip, and as a result, only spent about half an hour with her mother (her family is in New Jersey). However, she did spend a full day wandering around Manhattan with her younger brother, who is four years younger than her and who she gets along with very well.

I couldn’t help but feel a slight pang of envy when she said this. It must have been really nice to spend the day aimlessly wandering around New York with her little brother, with no real goals in mind and no agenda of topics to discuss. After we parted ways, I thought about how I tried to encourage Ed in 2013 to visit me in New York so that we could do just that – wander the city aimlessly and see what piqued his interests. I rarely got to spend large blocks of time alone with Ed, but the few that we did have, I remember quite vividly and fondly. It’s strange to think that I haven’t spoken to or heard my brother’s voice in over 3.5 years now. It seems like such a long time, but time has passed too quickly. Even as time passes, I can still hear the sound of his voice in my ears. It seems ridiculous, but I still occasionally think about what it would have been like if he did decide to come and visit in the spring of 2013. Maybe he would have left feeling renewed and hopeful. All those possibilities are gone now, though.

Revolt on Emergen-C

There’s really nothing worse than taking medication. Medication sucks. I don’t care what you think about this because who wants to take any substance regularly every day unless it’s weed or something else that actually makes you feel good and happy? I say this because I’ve come down with a bit of a cold in the last couple days, and as my home remedy, I’ve been making massive amounts of hot water with honey, lemon, ginger, and turmeric. I took maybe two packets of Theraflu begrudgingly, but as I took all this, I thought about how at the last two offices where I’ve worked, the office managers always stocked Emergen-C in the medicine cabinet, and people flocked to it like birds during cold and flu season. At the first sign of a cold, as though Emergen-C was the end-all cure for all colds or nasal congestion, people would dissolve it in hot water and drink their berry or orange artificially flavored vitamin C as though it was God’s gift to humankind. It was always one of the most disgusting things ever. People are really into their artificial 1,000-mg serving of Vitamin C as long as it’s in a packet, it’s not natural, and you have to pay extra money for it as a dietary supplement or medication. Let’s just forget the fact that vitamin C is water-soluble, which means that once your body has taken in 100% of its daily value, it will just expel the rest of it out of you. And let’s also forget that you can eat your orange or apple or whatever fruit of choice that is really high in vitamin C and basically get better nutritional and health value out of that.

Our society has truly stopped valuing what is naturally healthy (real food! Fruit! Vegetables!) and instead has turned to medication and dietary supplements as a substitute for leading a healthy lifestyle. And they think they are being smart for it (hence the excitement and self-satisfaction in taking Emergen-C in the office. It’s like an announcement I constantly hear at desks near mine when the weather becomes cold).  It’s really no wonder why people come down with the cold every year (the average adult in the U.S. gets the common cold 2-3 times per year!) multiple times, why obesity is so high, and why Americans as a group are just so unhealthy compared to the rest of the developed world.

Just eat your damn orange, drink your lemon water, and be healthy.

Upcoming parental visit

This has not happened since 2011, but my parents look to be coming this August. And Chris is about to set his hair and mine on fire.

The main reason my mom wants to come is to see the new Jehovah’s Witness headquarters in Warwick. The JWs sold their Brooklyn property overlooking Manhattan, just across the Brooklyn Bridge, in favor of a palatial-like space in the lesser known suburb of Warwick, New York. Apparently, you need to be an “insider” and “know people and have connections” to get an appointment to enter, even if you are already a Jehovah’s Witness, and so she said my aunt needed to make the appointment for them all to come. It really sounds like an equal opportunity for all here, doesn’t it?

The last time my parents came, it was for my cousin’s wedding, and Ed joined them. It was probably some of the worst times we’ve had altogether as a family. It was scorching hot in the summer, my Elmhurst apartment had no air-conditioning outside of my bedroom, and my kitchen was roach-infested. Oh, and I had just come back from a 2.5-week-long European vacation with my now-ex-boyfriend, who my mom hated for no good or rational reason.

The circumstances are certainly different this time. Now I’m married and living “legitimately” with my husband, I live in Manhattan, and therefore I’m considered more “acceptable.” But I know all of the things they will nitpick at: the tiny space relative to what they are used to, my belongings, what our supposed rent is, when we will buy a place, what we are eating, how dirty and disgusting she thinks New York City and the subway is, how much time she thinks I should be taking off just to spend with her and my dad because they are inept at getting anywhere on their own in a “foreign” city, etc.

I’m not looking forward to this. I love my parents, but they just do not know or understand boundaries, and they don’t know how to be good guests, especially at their child’s home. My mom always moans and says she “just wants peace,” but she inevitably always destroys the peace in my mind when she and my dad are around. It’s the truth.

 

“Karaoke monster” friend

Tonight, we went to meet my friend visiting from out of town at a karaoke bar. She’s a self-professed “karaoke monster” who Chris finds particularly interesting, especially after she’s had a drink or two. Why does Chris like her? In the past, he has said that she seems confident, she can talk about anything and seem comfortable, and she doesn’t shy away from controversial subjects. Chris doesn’t think this of a lot of my friends.

After a few hours of hanging out and having a lot of back and forth banter, I realized that I’ve never dated or been with anyone who really liked or got along with all my friends. I realize that’s a bit hard considering that I’ve never really had a single “group,” and so my friends are all very different from disparate parts of my life, but I’ve never had any partner readily accept all of them. One of my friends, who loves to co-mingle all friends as much as possible, once said that she doesn’t understand why people don’t “all just get along.” I think you only “all just get along” when you have no opinions and no desire to truly be yourself, because like Bill Maher says, if you are not offending anyone while saying what you think and being who you are, you must be a pretty dull person, or you are not truly being who you are at the core.

Sealant

Another trip to the freaking dentist. If only my teeth could be invincible enough so that I’d never have another dentist visit ever again, I would be so unbelievably happy.

Today, I thought I was going to have a root canal because of some random hole that had developed in one of my teeth due to teeth grinding, but after an X-Ray that showed exactly what type of hole it was, my dentist determined a root canal would be too massive of a procedure for my issue. What is my issue? That a hole resembling the skinniest little cylinder somehow goes straight down one of my back teeth. This has been causing major sensitivity when biting into anything even remotely crunchy for the last seven months. So instead, the dentist cleaned it up and sealed the hole today. And I left with half my mouth numb, including my tongue. When I went to a restaurant to meet Chris, I ordered both of us drinks while feeling like my entire mouth was contorted, and I was speaking pseudo-English. I wonder if the server noticed.

This is my dental life now and for the future. I can brush and floss all I want, but my grinding is going to take over my dental life. And the silly mouth guard is only going to do so much. How did we become a society full of teeth grinders?

Butter in sandwiches

In the Wellesley Alum Foodies group on Facebook, a very controversial article was posted, which I will not link here because of how stupid it is: the title of the article was something along the lines of “Butter does not belong in sandwiches, and if you do this, you are wrong.” The person who posted it said she had no idea that people put butter in their sandwiches, which was fine. What was not fine was that the person who wrote the article was so culturally insensitive and clearly from a country where butter was not perceived as “normal” in sandwiches that he proceeded to attack any culture or person who puts butter in his/her sandwiches.

Some people grew up in societies where mayonnaise in sandwiches were abnormal. Others grew up in societies where butter in sandwiches was weird. And of course, there are many people in the world who have grown up in places where sandwiches themselves were not very common foods to eat. This lack of foresight or understanding (or desire to understand) is what ultimately led us to Trump Nation: the inability to conceive of the notion that people who are different than us can actually be good or okay people, and that the lifestyles they lead could be productive or possibly even worth emulating. If you cannot even fathom the idea that entire societies, like that in Switzerland and France, grow up raising children with sandwiches that are smeared with butter, then you must be so ignorant to not accept anything that is not “normal” to just you. Everyone’s version of normal is different.