Increased time spent online vs. with loved ones

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Several days ago, my mother-in-law sent a moving image that depicted the years moving forward and how retired people spend their time. It has categories that you would expect: volunteer work, hobbies, travel, part-time work, spending time with family, friends, and loved ones, etc. The point that she implied was disturbing is that as time moved forward into today’s era, the time spent with family/friends had decreased significantly, and instead, the top place for “time spent” was “online.” That could mean one’s mobile device or computer or tablet. The medium didn’t matter; it was the fact that they were online in front of some screen as the majority of time spent while retired. This made me think about how much time Chris’s dad spends going down Wikipedia rabbit holes when he learns of something he’s unaware of but wants to know more about (and then, I am sure, immediately forgets after he closes out the page). It made me think about my own dad and how he dangerously spends too much time on YouTube watching user-created content made by users who are likely factless and data-less. It also made me think about how my mother-in-law, ironically enough, spends a decent amount of time scrolling through her Instagram and Facebook feeds and watching way too many pointless videos that are sent via her various Whatsapp college alumni and family groups.

I responded and said, none of that was very surprising. Everyone in this chat is addicted to their own devices, so we’re just examples of what the data is showing.

Then, I thought about my friend who semi-recently gave up social media. We used to interact a lot with each other over Instagram, but she said she had to give it up because she spent way too much time doom-scrolling and wasting time on it. Now that she’s almost six months free of it, she feels more liberated than ever. She spends more time meditating, reading things she actually wants to read, and thinking about productive things she wants to do in her future. She never has to look back at her day and wonder where the hell all that time went and how it got wasted.

I was thinking about this and decided that I need to be more intentional with the time spent on my phone. I can’t control that I have to be online for work during work hours. But I can control how I use my phone and for what when it’s non-work hours and days. I really should stop doing what Hari Kondabalu joked about at his show last week, which is falling for “your phone beckoning you,” and immediately looking up something that “bothers” you or that comes to mind that you just absolutely need to know in that very second. Chris does this all the time, too. It’s a terrible phone addiction. Chances are high that it wasn’t that important, anyway, so why do you feel so compelled to immediately go online and look it up? Instead, I am spending more time with my phone in another room. I do not respond to texts right away unless they are urgent (surprise: none have been), and instead, I respond to them in groups at a time. I am also being more intentional about how much time I spend on certain apps and when I use them. After three days of doing this, I already feel mentally better and like my intentions with the world are better. I do not want to be one of those people who is addicted to their phone. And I definitely do not want my child to think that I rather spend time on my phone than be present with her.

The extremes of a toddler in a 24-hour period

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There’s a lot to love about parenting a toddler. There’s also a lot that will make you want to rip your hair out and ask yourself why you ever thought becoming a parent is a good idea. “Character building” is certainly one way to put what parenting does to you when you are, in fact, an active parent who actually cares about your offspring.

Last night, we were eating the last of our first batch of lychees for the season. I finally taught Kaia how to peel lychees on Sunday. She already knew how to eat around the pit, as she does with cherries, but this was the first time I actually forced her to peel them herself. Though she initially resisted with her favorite line of, “I don’t know how to!”, she ended up complying after I gave her a small head start by peeling off a tiny piece of one’s shell. As she peeled more and more, she got faster and faster. Kaia even started peeling off huge, long pieces and getting excited by how large the peels were getting. Her focus was very clear as she was peeling each one, and she was definitely getting prouder of herself with her increased speed and peeling off larger sections at once with each following lychee. As I multi-tasked with cleaning and also sitting with her, she insisted that, “Mumma, sit down!” I want you to peel lychees with me.” I tried to offer her a few of the ones I peeled, but she was so sweet; she said I should have them and she will peel her own. It was so cute for her to insist that I sit with her and do this new activity together, and that I also be able to enjoy the lychees alongside her.

Well, that sweetness was then all washed away when the next morning, while eating her organic Whole Foods “cheerios,” out of nowhere she asked for the healthy chocolate muffins I made. We’d run out of those before we left for Guatemala, so I wasn’t sure why she suddenly asked for them. I told her we didn’t have anymore, that she had eaten them all, so she couldn’t have any. Well, that wasn’t the right answer (duh), and she proceeded to have a melt down. “I didn’t eat them all! No, I didn’t!” she yelled.

She cried, yelled, screamed, and kicked up until the point it was time to go to school. Throughout that period, she yelled multiple times, “I don’t want you! I don’t like you, Mumma! GO AWAY!”

Chris always laughs and finds it amusing when she says this. He likes to remind me (because he is a mean husband) that she says that to me at least several times a week. There’s also a subtle implication that she doesn’t say that to him as often. However, I do not fall for the bait, and I say little in response whenever he brings this up. I do not need to deal with the ridiculous concept of parental rivalry in the emotional whims and immaturity of a toddler.

When I was at lunch with my friend on Monday, I shared similar extremes of Kaia to let her know what parenting is like on the average, typical day of someone in her age range. My friend gave me this sour look and laughed.

“It’s no wonder people who become parents stop having sex!” she said to me. “Who wants to have sex when you’re exhausted as fuck by all that?!”

The fun of the East Village on a Monday

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I’m lucky I have a flexible work schedule and have the ability to easily take medical appointments, my child’s appointments, and random lunches or errands during the day. The flexibility of my job, and of working remotely, is one of the things I love most about my current employer. We get our work done, and hopefully no one will bother us. I went to the East Village today during the day to catch up with my friend over lunch, and we got some takeaway items and sat at Tompkins Square Park. Walking the streets of Alphabet City and East Village and walking through the park was so quiet. Everywhere we went, it was just a handful of people. We didn’t have to line up to grab lunch or our Vietnamese pandan lattes. We got served right away. We didn’t have to deal with any crowds. I loved being in the area on a Monday and walking around, eating, and exploring. I still want to be around life and people buzzing around; I just don’t need to wait in seemingly endless lines or be moving shoulder to shoulder with people everywhere.

The downside, though, of coming to the East Village/Alphabet City on a Monday is that many shops will have that day be their day off. The durian coffee/Vietnamese dessert shop my friend wanted to check out ended up being closed on Monday. So was the tacos place I suggested to her was one of the best recent places we’ve visited.

Every time I’m down in Alphabet City/East Village, though, I am reminded of the vibrancy of New York City and exactly how much I love it here and never get bored of it. When I first moved to New York in 2008 and worked close to this area, I spent endless evenings with colleagues and friends hanging out in the East Village/Alphabet City. So I hold this area close to my heart. It’s an area I will never get tired of being in. Though I am getting older, I still feel young and vibrant every time I come! I hope I will still “fit in” here when I am graying and wrinkling even more.

Pit stop at a Phil-Am Market to the Staten Island Ferry serves as inspiration for bread making

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After my friend’s baby shower yesterday, I helped with some relatives and another friend to load and off-load gifts and baby items back at their house. Since her friend had a car and was driving back to Brooklyn, she offered to take me to the ferry terminal so that my friend’s boyfriend didn’t have to drive me. The caveat, she said, was that she hoped it would be okay to first stop at a Filipino market on the island before dropping me off at the ferry terminal.

My friend looked directly at me and smiled since she knew what my reaction would be. “Ummm, YES; I would love that pit stop first! I’m coming in with you!” I exclaimed.

My friend’s friend went in to pick up Filipino groceries as well as takeout (they have a prepared foods section) to bring home to her family. I picked up the pancit, which she also got and recommended, a tray of kare kare (this delicious Filipino oxtail / beef peanut stew), and a bowl of ube halo halo. And while I was perusing the packaged goods aisle, I was beyond ecstatic to find dehydrated ube powder; this was the ingredient I wanted to use to make ube pandesal, but I hadn’t been able to source it at an Asian market until now! This was likely the one item I got from this place that made this trip to the market a thousand percent worth it.

As soon as I got home, I started looking up recipes for ube pandesal. A year and a half ago, I made classic Filipino pandesal bread buns and really enjoyed how simple they were to make, as well as how comforting the flavor was. My next step in my mind was to make the ube version. There are ube pandesal recipes that call for frozen mashed ube, but it seemed like based on the recipes I found that dehydrated ube powder was the most common and preferred way. I also love this packet of dehydrated ube powder I got because there are zero additives in it: it’s 100 percent ube powder with nothing else – no stabilizers, no artificial coloring, no weird thickeners, nada! I had a strong urge when I boarded the ferry back to Manhattan to make bread this weekend.

I decided I’d do the bread recipe that was on the top of my to-make list ahead of my ube pandesal urge, though, which was King Arthur’s big, bubbly focaccia. I started the dough this afternoon, did some pulls and dough turns to develop gluten, and then will let it bubble, grow, and ferment overnight for additional flavor before baking it tomorrow.

This visit to the Phil-Am Market really got me excited to want to make bread again – this was an unintended, unexpected effect of visiting a Filipino grocery store on Staten Island. And now, I have both dry active yeast and instant yeast, so I don’t have to do any conversions for yeast types or worry about whether something will fail based on the yeast type I’ve chosen!

Bestie’s baby shower today

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For the first time in 15 years, I took the Staten Island ferry today. Though I’d been to Staten Island back in May 2021 during my early pregnancy, we had rented a Zipcar to get around since Staten Island is very spread out and suburban feeling. I went for my bestie’s baby shower, which was being hosted by her boyfriend’s mom at an Italian restaurant there. I met up with a few of her friends on the ferry, and then her boyfriend picked us all up and drove us to the restaurant.

It was a really beautiful, green-themed celebration. A photo arch, endless decorative items, teddy bear stands, menus, baby shower games, and labels were all handmade by her boyfriend’s mom. It was a multi-course lunch that also included alcohol, coffee drinks, massive Italian cookies platters, and a locally made chocolate raspberry mousse cake, which was also of course beautifully decorated. Although I knew her boyfriend’s mom was into arts and crafts, it was really clear to me that she loved my friend a lot and spent a lot of time, effort, and money on putting this event together in her honor. This was truly a grand gesture in every meaning of the term. I felt really touched to see all of this for my friend, as she’s the kind of person who for the entire time I’ve known her constantly bends over backwards for everyone else she loves in her life. But few to none of those same loved ones have done much for her in return — or at least, I have not seen, witnessed, or heard of any of these things. She really did deserve this gorgeous event to celebrate her pregnancy and the coming arrival of her baby boy.

It was weird, though, to be honest to hear that she was having a baby shower at all. She took no part in planning it, as she was told to simply show up. My friend is the kind of person who has always vocally hated on baby showers, bridal showers — all the “frou frou” stuff that women are stereotypically really giddy and gaga over. Though she did play an active role in planning my bridal shower ten years ago now, she ended up not attending because back then, she was bending over backwards for her then-boyfriend, who had stupidly gotten into an accident and had both shoulders out of commission. So while I did press her and asked her if this was really what she wanted, and she insisted it was important to her boyfriend’s mom and would just be a gathering, I wondered if this was really something she wanted for herself, or if she was just going along with what others wanted for her. After being there today, though, I realized… she probably did want all of this. And she should have it. My friend was clearly so happy, touched, and grateful for all of this, and well, she deserves to be showered with love when she loves everyone in her life so much and so conspicuously.

I don’t really know what will come for any of us in the future. But I do know that I am really happy to have witnessed this deep love that her boyfriend’s mom has for her and see that she’s being treated so, so well.

Today’s Trader Joe’s haul – May 2025

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There are two seasons of the year when I get really excited to shop at Trader Joe’s. Granted, I always enjoy shopping at Trader Joe’s regardless of the time of year, but I think that their very best seasonal or limited time items come out during summer or winter. Winter is fairly self explanatory: this is when they get all their Christmas/holiday items that everyone loves, whether it’s the peppermint Joe-Joe’s, the fancy Belgian chocolate and biscuit variety boxes, the Belgian chocolate “gold coins” of various countries around the world, or the Almond-Roca with a private label (this one is my all-time guilty pleasure/favorite!). Summer, of course, will have a much different assortment. At this time of year, they have their best selection of skincare items (expecting that you will be spending more time in the Northern Hemisphere summer sun), as well as fun warm weather treats. These are some things I’m excited about that I picked up:

Organic guava fruit spread: This seems to be all over my social media feeds now. It’s guava fruit spread with just enough sugar for sweetness. I was excited about any type of guava fruit spread since guava is not a common fruit or flavor you find in the U.S. I actually don’t eat much jam (Chris is the jam person in our household), but when I do, I want it to be the extreme version of the fruit it claims to be of, and I want it to be just sweet enough. So if this is good, I may go back and stock up on three more before they run out for the season.

Ube mochi pancake and waffle mix: I never buy pre-made mixes for cakes, pancakes, waffles, or anything. I prefer to make almost everything we consume from scratch because I’m obsessive about how I like what I like. But this ube mochi mix is the only exception. I buy this every year to either make pancakes or to make ube mochi muffins, which I personally think have a springier, more fun texture than the pancakes do. Instead of water or milk, I like to add coconut milk because ube plus coconut are a match made in the purest love. Apparently, Chris’s mom is a huge fan, too: she likes to buy a box or two when they come in May/June and bring it back to Australia!

Dubai style pistachio dark chocolate: I picked up three of these. The Dubai chocolate craze doesn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon. Since I had it at a verified place that sold it in Lower East Side with my friend when she visited back in October last year, I have seen endless variations of “Dubai chocolate” since. It’s come up in coffee drinks, milkshakes, random desserts in various shops, etc. We’ve already tried it, and this is good. At $3.99 for 100 grams of pistachio dark chocolate, this is excellent value if you like both dark chocolate and pistachio. The pistachio inside is very nutty and unmistakable. It’s also a little bit gooey with a hint of crunch. This stuff is worth it! It’s made in Turkey and not private labeled (The box says it is Patislove brand). The Upper West Side Trader Joe’s said that they are getting a “very limited supply” weekly, so if we want it, we should get as much of it as we want when we go.

Organic tart cherry fruit spread: I am not sure why no one is talking about this. Actually, yes I am: this come-back from last year has been completely and utterly overshadowed by the guava fruit spread. This was the one thing I got last year that got discontinued, likely for seasonal reasons, that I was devastated went away. Last year, I got only one jar. After I tasted it months after I bought it, I regretted not opening it earlier to buy more. But it’s BACK! This time, I got two jars. On the shelf when I saw it, there were only four jars total. When I got rang up by my cashier, he asked me what I thought of it. When I raved about it to him, he had this determined look on his face and said that as soon as he was done with me, he was immediately going on break and making a beeline for the jam aisle downstairs. If you like jam and you like sour cherry, BUY THIS.

Cheddar and parmesan cheese snackers – puff pastry cheese crackers: Okay, I’m going to be honest. I did not actually buy these. I was given them for free by my cashier! He asked me if I liked cheese and crackers, and he threw a brand-new box into my canvas bag. The cashier said they received an “over shipment” of these this week, so they were handing them out to anyone who wanted them for nada. I do love cheese crackers (Goldfish was the OG obviously, but now, Annie’s Cheddar Bunnies is my fave, though I have significantly reduced my snacking habits in the last year), and these are like a fancier version of cheese crackers to test out.

A five-stem bunch of peonies: This is my one flower purchase every year for myself. I never buy fresh flowers because I find them quite self indulgent (they die after such a short period!), though I do love them and think they make any room they are in feel brighter and livelier. But peonies truly take the cake for me. They are big, bold, beautiful, and capture everyone’s attention. And as an added bonus for someone (uh, me) with no floral arrangement skills, they are pretty darn easy to arrange given their blossoms are absolutely huge at their peak. It’s no wonder the Chinese were obsessed with them back in the day and obsessively painted them. I usually get a variation of pink, but this year, I decided to get the white ones. I really enjoy watching them progressively open up each day from really tight, small, ball-like buds. A five-stem bunch is only 10 bucks, so it’s hardly breaking the bank – it’s crazy good value! Technically, these start becoming available in the spring, but we’ve had a really cold winter this past year. So, I picked these up today.

I also wanted to pick up the seasonal passion fruit sorbet (mostly for Chris because he’s the sorbet person), but unfortunately none were in the freezer. That just means I’ll be on the lookout for them in two weeks when I go to TJs again!

Dining and comedy show night out with friends

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Tonight, we went out for a quick dinner and comedy show with my friend, her husband, his business partner, and the business partner’s wife. We’d never met the business partner and wife before, and although the meal and time chatting was quick, it was fun to be around new people and see what their life and perspectives are like. Unlike the last time we went out for dinner with Kaia and had a babysitter watch her, tonight’s dinner was really delicious. Jazba, which means “passion” in Urdu, specializes in regional cuisines across India, specifically highlighting street food in India’s dhabas, or roadside shacks. We shared a lot of starters and mains, with highlights being the haleem, a slow cooked goat stew with lentils and taftan bread; a Jaituni fish tikka; and a Goan prawn curry. An unexpected treat was that there were appams you could order as sides, so in addition to garlic naan and lacha paratha, we also got two appams, which were spongy, and fluffy. Everything was packed with flavor, and a number of the dishes had lingering heat that made my tongue tingle. Chris said that he liked this meal as much as he disliked the other restaurant we visited for dinner before our Guatemala trip. The only downside was that as is pretty much the norm nowadays, the meal was expensive; after all the food and alcoholic drinks, tax, and tip, it ended up being about $60 per person. And we were barely at the restaurant for an hour. This is just the cost of eating a mid-range meal nowadays that is not fast casual for dinner.

We broke into two groups because one of the women in the group was craving cannoli before the comedy show, and so my friend and I accompanied her to an Italian bakery nearby while the other three went directly to the theater. When we got there, she asked if she could get a cannoli freshly filled, and the guy behind the counter said that they don’t do that; what you see under the glass, which were pre-filled cannoli, was all that they could offer. So, she dismissed cannoli completely and opted for a lobster tail and some eclairs instead. As we walked out, she said that she refuses to eat cannoli that are pre-filled because you have no idea when they were last filled, and that it could have been so long ago that the cannoli shell was now stale or soggy. And as she said this, my face lit up. I think she is literally the only person other than myself I have met who shares this opinion with me. No one else I know has vocalized this qualm. I think we could get along food-wise.

My friend said later that this person. “is a bit too fancy with food — she wants quality stuff only!” And I responded back, well, can you blame her? Life is too short to eat a bunch of crap, and we need standards! We want food that tastes good. Why should we have to settle? I’m totally with the business partner’s wife on this!

Little delicious gems all around us in Manhattan

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On our Saturday adventures out as a family, Chris always seems a bit biased against Manhattan at or below Central Park and tends to prefer to visit the Bronx, Brooklyn, or Queens. I’m happy to go to all three of those boroughs, especially Queens since it was my first New York City borough, but we live in Manhattan, and it’s damn amazing for endless reasons. Even in Manhattan, on streets that you may go up and down every single day, amazing gems can show up right under your nose that you may overlook in your speed walking and desire to catch a train in time.

When I went down to the Koreatown area for a routine doctor’s appointment yesterday, I was walking along a street and suddenly got a strong whiff of ground matcha. Curious, I backed up a few feet, noticing a tiny little cafe that required a few steps up. I popped my head in, and as soon as I opened the door, an extremely strong scent of matcha almost blasted my face. It smelled as though they ground the matcha leaves fresh in this little cafe! The place was barely marked; I later found out that it was called Mika’s Direction. I quickly bookmarked it in my Google Maps saved list, went to my appointment, and came back to sit there and read before heading downtown to pick up Pookster from school. I ordered the favorite drink, the iced strawberry matcha. The same person who rang me up made my drink from scratch in front of me at the open counter, meticulously whisked my matcha, and poured the frothy goodness into my cup. The house-made strawberry syrup was mashed and just sweet enough. The matcha was earthy with a tiny hint of bitter. This was a really well made and delicious treat after my doctor’s visit. I savored my drink as I read my book for a bit.

I love stumbling upon these cute little cafes, bakeries, and restaurants by chance in my own borough. I never had this spot on a list or knew about it before I left home. Even if I didn’t originally set out to find a matcha spot on this outing, I found a delicious and obscure one in an unlikely place. I can still smell the intensity of freshly ground matcha wafting all around me. There are many things out there for us to find and taste as long as we are open minded enough to see and try them.

The power of the U.S. dollar

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Every time I travel abroad, I am reminded of a lot of my privileges as an American. Even when you think about disparities between rich and poor, when you think about how people struggle here in the U.S., how people live paycheck-to-paycheck, even the poorest people here still lead richer lives than the poorest people in more developing countries. I will never forget the first time I was in Vietnam in January 2008. There was the moment when my mom’s cousin’s wife in Qui Nhon, Vietnam, came into our 3-star hotel room there. They exchanged a few words. Because I don’t speak Vietnamese, I wasn’t sure what was spoken. When I saw the cousin’s wife undress, I got confused, and I asked my mom what she was doing. My mom looked at me quietly and said, “She asked if she could use our shower, and I said yes. She doesn’t know what it’s like to have a hot shower.” For myself until that point, I had no idea what it was like to not have access to a hot shower.

I recently saw a post in an alumnae career group I am in, where the person posting said she had been living abroad but wanted to move back to the U.S. She wanted to start her job search and was looking for advice. In her post, she wrote that it was “very important for me to earn in U.S. dollars.” And I thought about the shower incident in Vietnam. I thought about the poverty I had seen in Guatemala. I remembered chatting with our Guatemalan driver, who had lived abroad in England for eight years and had an English wife. In his Guatemalan/British accent-tinged English, he lamented how things like a cappuccino or latte at a cafe in Guatemala City seemed affordable or maybe slightly cheaper for Americans, but for local Guatemalans, it was quite the splurge, which I had noted to him. “Sure, it’s affordable when you earn $25 USD an hour,” he said. “But if you earn in Guatemalan Quetzales and only earn the equivalent of $15 USD a day, that $3 USD cappuccino is a lot of money to spend.”

Yes, it’s expensive living in New York City. Yeah, it kind of sucks that coffee drinks here now can cost $6-10+ each. But I am lucky and privileged to enjoy them occasionally. We lead extremely privileged lives to work in white-collar jobs in the U.S., earning our income in U.S. dollars. As our driver noted, “you have money” if you can afford to go on a trip to Guatemala and hire a private driver for a day or so (pretty sure he was referring to us, and not just the previous guests he had driven). Every day, even when I think this country is crumbling down and that democracy is going to shit, I still remember how thankful I am for my life’s privileges, for my health, and everything I have and have access to that makes life so enjoyable and relatively stress free.

Post-trip meal planning: curry in the freezer!

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In the days leading up to our departure for Guatemala, we actually had more food to eat in the fridge than I had originally anticipated. I had planned to make Burmese chicken curry for the Burmese chicken curry noodle dish called nan gyi thoke for dinner during the few days before we left, and I had already marinated and prepared the chicken. So I decided that I would still make the chicken curry and just freeze it so that when we got back, I would quickly defrost it overnight and have delayed nan gyi thoke for dinner once we returned. And it ended up being a great idea. Once I defrosted the curry, all I had to do was add some seasoning (red pepper flakes, fish sauce) and a thickener (Burmese curries are traditionally thickened with a toasted chickpea flour. I already had the chickpea flour, so I just had to toast it lightly over the stove until it turned toasty and brown. Then, I cooked the dried noodles in some boiling water, cut up some lime wedges, took out the fried shallots, and boiled eggs to top it. It was a very flavorful, satisfying dish to welcome us home.

So many different variations of curry exist around the world, but what makes Burmese curries unique is that a) they start with a base of lots and lots of deeply caramelized onions, b) they include coconut milk that is cooked down, c) they are thickened with a toasted chickpea flour. Once you have all this and add a protein like chicken, some seasonings like fish sauce and black pepper, as well as some home blended Madras curry powder (I almost went out and bought a blend, but I realized when I looked at all the spices that make up Madras curry powder that I had all of them already at home, so why not just toast and blend my own?!), it creates a really thick, luscious stew that has layers upon layers of flavor. It’s so good and rich that it almost makes you want to lick your bowl clean. This is definitely a curry that will be on repeat for us.

And although I did not originally plan to make chicken curry in advance as our return-home meals, I’m really happy it worked out this way and that we had a quick yet seemingly complex meal to come home to. I already have things in the freezer like frozen cubes of tomato-onion masala for quick Indian meals, but this would basically be like an easy freezer meal. You would just have to defrost, add seasoning and heat up, then add a carb like rice or noodles, and you’d be set. I will likely do this ahead of future trips we have. No one complains about ready-to-go chicken curry upon arriving home from anywhere!