Closeness and vulnerability

Today, Kaia and I went to Brooklyn Heights/Cobble Hill to hang out with a friend we usually catch up with while her husband and Chris are here, but we decided this would be a nice way to catch up with just us. We met at a Palestinian restaurant for lunch, had coffee at a nearby coffee shop after, took Kaia to the playground to run around and get out some energy, then walked around Brooklyn Bridge Park and enjoyed some delicious passion fruit ice cream with apricot jam swirls and pistachios. Even Pooks had a few licks before passing out from an entire afternoon of attempting to fight off a nap.

Since I was in high school, I realized that I’m just better in small group or 1:1 situations, and I enjoy them a lot more. Large groups certainly have their place, but you never truly get to know anyone unless you have some genuine one on one time with them. When you are one on one, it allows both sides to be more vulnerable, to ask harder, more interesting questions. There’s less of a need to posture or pretend that all is rainbows and flowers in your life. And you never truly know anyone unless you are able to be vulnerable around each other and expose things about ourselves that are not necessarily flattering, sometimes embarrassing or stigmatized, and other times even flat out damning (potentially).

But I feel really comfortable with this friend. She’s had a hard life, but she’s open about talking about it and you can tell she’s learned and grown so much from her tough experiences. And it kind of makes me intrigued to ask her more about what’s happened and how she’s handled it. In turn, she’s asked me a lot about things I normally don’t discuss with casual friends, like my family, Ed, and IVF. What was funny was that she projected onto me a bit. She’s never wanted children, and for the longest time, even while dating who is now her husband, she never even wanted to get married. So when I revealed to her that Kaia was conceived via IVF after a year of trying to conceive naturally and failing, she said she was surprised. She had, for some reason, assumed that Kaia was not planned. No, she was very much planned and wanted, I assured her.

As I’ve gotten older, and especially working 100 percent remotely now, it’s been harder to meet and make new friends. While I’ve met people through Kaia’s daycare/school, it’s not really the same because you’re bonded more because of the kids. But it’s been comforting to know that I’ve successfully made at least one friend since being pregnant who can be completely raw and real with me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.