Yesterday, other than a quick news briefing over my NPR Up First podcast and a few NYT news alerts on my phone, I refused to look at news at all. No constantly checking CNN or NPR or the New York Times; definitely NO looking at Fox News or any insane right-wing malformation center the way I did the day of the presidential election in 2016. Nope. I was not going to repeat all those awful, paranoid, anxious actions I did four years ago. This time, I was going to sit and wait until this was really final.

Well, I woke up this morning hoping to get an update one way or another, crossing my fingers that the election was swaying in Biden-Harris’s direction. I had a gut feeling this would be a very close election; I refused to listen to all the idiots on the left in their own bubbles, insisting that many Trump supporters would have come to their senses, particularly given the awful way he has handled the COVID-19 pandemic. And as of this morning, when I immediately went to check my NYT and BBC apps… it’s looking painfully close; so close that I can taste the anger and bitterness in my mouth.

This is not a referendum on Trump. Nope. This is a referendum on the American people. This is exactly how stupid we are that we have made every excuse in the book for Trump, from his blatant sexism, racism, xenophobia, all the way to his total disregard, lack of care, and empathy for all of those who have suffered and/or died directly and indirectly from COVID-19.

I’m pissed today. I just feel so, so fed up with this entire country.