Tonight, we went to see rogerandtom, a play about a dysfunctional couple separating and an even more dysfunctional family where five years ago, two brothers stopped speaking over some petty argument. In the play, on this day five years later, they are finally going to reconcile. As sad and pathetic as that sounds, the even more depressing thought about that is that there really are a LOT of siblings out there who do not get along to the point of not speaking except out of obligation, or unless family deaths occur. There are relationships in my family like this, and there are also relationships in other families with whom I’m associated.
These types of poor relationships make me really angry, mostly because I feel that these people are ungrateful for the fact that they have siblings, and they just think it’s fine to waste their lives holding grudges over petty things that should not matter in the grand scheme of life. Life is short; get over your petty disagreements and love each other, for God’s sake. These people have something that I will never have again because my brother has left this world. I’ve been robbed of my beloved Ed. It makes me feel that life is even more unfair. They have relationships that they don’t really have because they make the stupid choice not to maintain them, and I do not and will never have that brother-sister relationship again because my brother is in heaven, and I am still on earth.
I thought again today about how I still have not fully accepted that Ed is not with us anymore. As Chris said, perhaps the reason I do not fully feel that he is gone is because he is not actually gone; he is still with me in spirit, in my day-to-day actions with others, and in my overall outlook on life. Today and forever, he will shape me, and for that, I will always be grateful and love him.